The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the month “September, 2011”

The Power Of The Manosphere

Mike C [linkage to blog needed?] commented on a wild and wooly discussion over at Hooking Up Smart:

From the time of the sexual liberation in the 1960s until really just recently, women were able to conduct their sexual lives with a sort of combination of impunity and secrecy.  They could fuck the alpha, hot, attractive guys on first meeting, date 2, whatever, and then down the road when it is time to play soccer Mom make the beta Dad provider court her for 6 months before giving it up.  The beta Dad provider had no idea she banged 10-20 alphas already and to him having to court her for 6 months to get sex seemed perfectly normal and appropriate.  The system worked due to the blissful ignorance of the beta Dad provider.  The Internet has allowed guys to pull the cloak away from this Secret Society that Tyler Durden has talked about.  I was totally naive to this arrangement myself until about 2005 when I started working at a bar and saw this stuff on a regular ongoing basis.

The sentence in bold is the most salient point. The Internet – the Manosphere in particular – is shining a strong light onto the previously dark world of female dating and mating patterns. Dating 1.0 was all about courtship and ensuring good guys married good girls. Dating 1.5 is the post sexual revolution/pre Internet situation where women had sex with the alphas and then married a beta provider who was ignorant about all the alpha sex she was getting.

This was all well and good for women and alpha men. Because beta men simply were unaware of the situation, there was something of a balance and relative harmony. Sure, there were reports of sportfucking and swinging and all sorts of other sexual female shenanigans, this was mostly oral folklore and could be denied or forgotten easily. Of course, herpes wasn’t so forgettable and that was the first indicator that women were getting their groove on more than beta nice guys thought. But we got through that awkward social phase.

Enter center stage, the Internet. It took about a dozen years and some nice broadband for the curtain to be pulled back only to reveal the scene of the nice girl next door getting soundly and happily plowed by a couple of male college athletes. There’s an empty bottle of tequila and several used condoms in the scene, as well. The next act reveals a married suburban mom in a hotel room where she is having a certain part of her anatomy filled by her lover, a swarthy and vigorous fellow.

At the sides of the stage, a group of women and sensitive new age guys (SNAGs – great acronym) are desperately trying to close the curtain so that the audience can’t see what’s happening on stage. But the curtain won’t close. The Internet is keeping it open. Worse, the Internet has turned up the stage lighting so that the sexual antics of women are clear, open, and obvious. Some men in the audience close their eyes in denial. These are the manginas and whiteknights.

Seeing the curtain can’t be closed, some women take over the stage to shout, “This is OK! this is normal! Not all women are like that! Sexual empowerment is good for all women! Don’t oppress a woman’s sexuality!” These are the feminists and others who bat for team vagina.

It’s all too late. Some men in the audience keep their eyes open. They pull out their laptops and start blogging, researching, posting on message boards, sharing information. Those men recall their experiences with women and the stories they have heard. Curiously, many women in the audience see what is happening on stage and want to be “empowered”. These women encourage the sexual frenzy by posting their own lurid stories and photos on their Facebook accounts and blogs.

This is the state of affairs now. It’s Dating 2.0, Darwin Dating, Combat Dating, Red Pill Dating, or any other title to indicate the new sexual reality where growing numbers of men are learning the true nature of female sexuality and female’s relationship-formation tactics. Game is spreading in the mainstream media. Manosphere blogs regularly feature scientific studies, personal stories, logical and rational rebukes to feminist dogma. Some of these stories and observations regularly spill into websites and messages boards where men congregate. Many men nod their heads in agreement.

This is the power of information and how it causes social attitudes to be changed. The curtain can’t be pulled back.

Attractive Women Approached More During the Day?

Big Debate! Comment Now!

Now that Roosh has released his latest book (buy it!) an old debate has resurfaced. Roosh’s book is focused on day Game in which men approach women in a non-bar or non-nightclub setting. For the specific tactics, you’ll need to read the book. Personally, I think day Game is great for guys over nightclub age. I am two full decades past nightclub shenanigans and pretty much rely on day Game, however it’s mostly in the evenings.

Roissy (Heartiste) reviewed the book and immediately the debate began. “Hot women get approached all the time.” is met with “Most men won’t approach hot women precisely because of the perception that hot women are approached all the time.” Or words to that effect. It’s an interesting debate because day Game is so qualitatively different from night Game.

I think that hot women are indeed approached quite often during the day but none of those approaches are serious. A catcall or “hey pretty lady!” is not an approach, it’s just a ham-fisted compliment delivered by the neanderthal class of men. Us cro-magnons are quite sophisticated, thankyouverymuch.

so I throw this to the readers – are hot women approached often during the day? This is one where anecdotal testimony from my female readers might actually be useful. Just bear in mind that anecdotes must be accompanied with: honest assessment of value in the sexual marketplace, demographic, and geographical location.

The Comment Lounge is officially open.

The Ultimate Agent Of Social Change

The ultimate agent of social change will be safe, effective, private male birth control.

Men are already the gatekeepers to relationship commitment. It’s a pity that more men don’t know this. What’s worse is that many men do know this but won’t use it their advantage when dealing with potential intimate relationships with women. Basically, men only have this one advantage.

With more and better male birth control options – especially if they’re private – men can also be the gatekeepers to reproduction. Vasectomy doesn’t count. While safe, effective, and private, it’s essentially permanent. Reversing a vasectomy is a crap-shoot option and an expensive one at that. Condoms are safe, but not so effective and certainly not private. Yes, I acknowledge RISUG. That’s one to watch.

Safe, effective, and private is the Holy Grail of male birth control. If women want to have kids, it can be the men who make that final decision. There might be no more “oops, I forgot to take my pill” pregnancies. There might be no more question about paternity should a pregnancy result.”You’re pregnant? Time for a DNA test, you unfaithful trollope”.

Every time there is discussion outside the Manosphere of this subject, there is an annoying chorus from women of “I won’t trust a man to take his birth control pill.” This is a smokescreen for “Holy shit, I might lose reproductive control.” More male birth control options is a fundamental threat to women’s reproductive choice.

I’m almost convinced that big pharma is being pressured to seriously delay or simply stop researching male birth control options. I’m no conspiracy nutjob, I just think that male birth control is too threatening to the powers that be.

This is no panacea for men or even society. There is the possibility for huge unintended consequences:

Increase in voluntary single-motherhood through sperm bank withdrawals and “ad hoc” sperm donations directly to the woman. Baby rabies is an incredibly strong motivator for some really stupid decisions. The social pathologies of single motherhood are well-known and well documented through social research.

Huge drop in the birth rate of the educated classes. There is a strong correlation between higher education in a population and lowered birth rates. This is happening in Europe where a demographic time bomb is about to go off when population shrinkage reaches an economic tipping point. Immigration has kept this issue at bay in Europe and North America.

Further escalation of gender-based conflict. Consider dark Game practiced by cads – “Sure, I’ll commit to you, baby” becomes “Sure, I’ll give you a baby”. Women in the throes of baby rabies will really get played and the resulting bitterness in an entire female demographic will make today’s gender conflict look a thumb-wrestling match.

Increase in STD rates. Condoms do prevent pregnancy. But with a man on birth control, that’s one less reason to wrap that ICBM before launching the missile into the Republic of Chlamydia.

Regardless of the unintended consequences, I really do want men to have far more birth control options. I really want to see men have reproductive control over their lives.

Weekend Weirdness – Alphabet One Liners

Alpha – What betas should want to be

Beta – What women find unattractive

Cosmopolitan – Magazine or cocktail, useless for men

Dark Side – Game has two possible outcomes

Egregious – That’s a damned fine word


Giggity – Quagmire needs his own show

Horatio – CSI Miami is a rather ridiculous TV program

I – Ask a woman most anything and this is the first word she uses

Johnny Milfquest – What a tosser

Klaxon – Wake up!

Lazy – This blog post and my dog

Nice – Use it sparingly

Oppression – A feminist Olympic event

Party – Paging Bronan and Whiteboykrispy

Qwerty – Did you know this keyboard layout was created to make typists type more slowly?

Really? – No, seriously… really?

Shocker – I did that last night. She loved it.

Temerity – Another damned fine word

Uvula – It sounds kind of sexy, but it’s really not.

Vagina – No tingles, no vagina for you!

Wigger – Another sign of the cultural apocalypse

Xander – “Drawn Together” is some funny shit

You Tube – Bernard Chapin is cool

Zammo – No comment

Support Your Local Dating Coach

Ever since I found Evan Marc Katz, the concept of the dating coach has intrigued me. When I first heard of this concept, I scoffed at the idea. I assumed that such coaches were merely cheerleaders with a “You go, grrl!” approach that encouraged an entitlement princess attitude and fed a woman’s rationalization hamster.

I was both right and wrong. After I signed up for several dating coaches free newsletters and read their blogs, I started seeing a very consistent pattern. On the surface there is a lot of the typical “you’re a fabulous goddess!” type of nonsense. But after I dug into the advice a bit more, I discovered that successful dating coaches for women are dispensing amazing amounts of Red Pill advice.

We in the Manosphere know that we speak the truth about fallibilities of women, especially in regards to dating and relationships. The Red Pill approach simply works. Successful dating coaches know this too, they just aren’t aware that it’s Red Pill stuff.

Here is the crux of the matter: If a dating coach gives bad advice, then he or she is a dating coach no longer. This type of coaching is a business, a capitalistic enterprise. Capitalism is ruthless regarding success and failure. Red Pill dating advice is successful and the successful dating coaches prove it.

Of course, getting through all the feel-good fluff takes a little work. But after drilling through the bullshit, those Red Pill truths are revealed. Consider this wee Red Pill moment from Jenn Burton:

“The more good you find in men, the more good men you will find.”

That’s quite the de-programming from the prevailing, feminist-based view that all men suck and are not worthy of respect. That quote is also a very clever rebuke to “never settle!” As an aside, Jenn Burton actually recommends that women should be dating more than one man at a time. Perhaps women are learning a form of Game to help them cope with the post-40 sexual/marriage market place.

Bobbi Palmer is another dating coach I follow. Her company name is great: “Date Like a Grown Up. Just like other dating coaches, there’s a thick layer of “You go, grrl!” garbage followed up with Red Pill advice that’s delivered with a firm, but velvet covered, pimp hand. I submit this quote from one of her blog posts for consideration:

Want to attract a confident, grounded man who will enhance your already great life? The best way to do it is to act like a lady. Yes, that age-old scenario is still true: masculine men are attracted to feminine women.

The first sentence, the question, is standard women-come-first crap. But Bobbi knows her market well and so she is almost forced to ask that question. Mercifully, the next two sentences hits the nail on the head. Damned right, the feminine attracts the masculine but a generation or two of StrongIndependentWomen™ has forgotten that.  She follows up with an excellent definition of femininity and how women should better deal with men:

Femininity means being open, kind and positive. It means receiving gracefully and giving generously…not of material things but of your heart and your genuine self. It means being his biggest fan and letting him feel that his efforts to please you are appreciated and welcomed.

So, yes, sometimes being a powerful, feminine woman translates into allowing a man to do things you can do for yourself and letting him be right…even when you think he’s not.

That’s some Red Pill advice packaged with contemporary political correctness

I love the delicious irony that 40-something women are funding feminist de-programming through the vehicle of dating coaches, those coaches usually being women as well. Some Manosphere goals may achieved by those unlikely Manosphere allies, the dating coaches for women.

A Woman’s Unique Online Dating Arbitrage Opportunity

Badger clued me in to this one via a comment over at Rollo’s blog. I heap major compliments on both of them for their excellent observations and keen writing skills.

I got email from (among others) a young woman who had a very dynamic, interesting [online dating] profile. The only thing I could add was, “put a statement about what you have to offer a man in a relationship.”

She pushed back, saying it sounded too “50′s housewife” or something like that. I repeated the advice and then went quiet. Modern women of all stripes have been steeped in feminism and “don’t take any shit from a man,” and are very averse to giving off any perception they are willing to humble themselves for men despite the fact they are by and large hungry for male attention.

It’s a major arbitrage opportunity for women who can swallow their pride for five minutes and actually play to men.

What he means by arbitrage in this context is that a woman can more easily sell herself to a high value bidder in the relationship marketplace, specifically the online dating relationship marketplace. A few sentences on why a woman would make a man’s life better, of what she offers, would vault her over the competition by leaps and bounds.

There are three huge challenges to overcome regarding this issue. Badger has already highlighted one. Feminism has created an awful expectation that women should never be humble to men that they should be strong and independent (code phrase for bossy and domineering). The sad irony is that the same women truly desire a man’s affection and attention. They just won’t allow themselves to

The second huge challenge is that a woman must have enough self-awareness to actually know what she offers in the context of dating and relationships. This is a tall order because outside of just being a woman, women have little understanding of what they should offer a man. The social expectation tells them one thing, a man’s biological imperative reacts to something completely different.

The last huge challenge is the men. We have at least two generations of men who have been socially conditioned to believe that StrongIndependentWomen™ are the most desirable. Worse, many men let the social expectation overrule their biological imperative that tells them to be more attracted to feminine women. In effect, many men must allow themselves to pursue feminine women.

Overcoming these challenges is not turning back the social expectation clock, it’s a matter of recognizing the power of the biological imperative and giving it more access to our conscious decisions regarding dating and relationships.

Expressing Irrational Self-Confidence

One of the Game axioms for men is that they be ridiculously self-confident. This is sage advice for men who have been saturated with the utterly toxic “be nice, be yourself” advice. It’s necessary to heave the self-confidence pendulum back in the other direction with a mighty shove.

Manifesting this self-confidence requires some canned lines and a wickedly confident presence and frame. It’s not easy but can be achieved with practice and a changed attitude.

Start small. When friends and acquaintances extend an informal greeting, it’s usually in the form of “How ya doing?” Most of us revert to the standard “doing well”. Such a greeting is a perfect way to express some ridiculous self-confidence.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m doing incredibly well!” Stated with a firm tone of voice. That’s some strong presence and frame, right there.

Take it up notch.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m spectacular!” Note the use of the adjective instead of the adverb. This response becomes a boast. It’s over the top for a reason because there is an element of humor in the response.

Such responses call attention to you and the nature of informal greetings and how no one really listens to the response. Using such self-confident responses takes you out of the masses. That’s always a good thing for men. It takes practice and a new state of mind. When a man consistently uses expressions of self-confidence in simple greetings responses, it’s a huge sign that the Red Pill is at work.

For interactions that occur on a regular basis outside of work, being humorously assholish occasionally works well for the nice guys. It must be pulled off with good humor, however. For example, the sushi bar where I often go has one particular bartender, a cute 20-something chick, to whom I am usually polite… usually.

I walked in yesterday evening and sat down at the bar. The cute bartender looked at me expectantly.

“Beer me.”

“That’s it? No ‘Hello’, no ‘how are you doing’?” For a brief instant she seemed serious. I knew better because of my familiarity with her.

“Kirin Ichiban.” (It’s a nice, dry beer.)

“Not even a ‘please’?”

“Nope” But I was smirking at this point. That’s crucial.

“You’re so rude, Private Man!” She had a huge smile on her face.

“And be quick about it.” I couldn’t help but laugh.

At this point, everyone in the place cracked up, especially the cute bartender. I received my beer with a huge smirk on my face, knowing that I’ve mastered the scene and scored big with general humorous uproar. It all took a great deal of self-confidence and being comfortable with the people and atmosphere at a regular hang-out.

Self-confidence can also be quite well expressed non-verbally. It’s been posted on other Manosphere sites so the details are not necessary. Just consider posture and physical presence when sitting and walking. Consider the upturn of the head and not the eyes cast down. When I walk around the office, I make a point never to look down when I walk past other people. Women, in particular, will note and non-verbal expression of confidence.

Here’s the take away for guys: You actually want people to notice you. Not shying away from attention is a confident move. Mystery has his furry hat and black fingernail polish. For a man over a certain age, that’s not necessary. What is necessary is that he carries himself in such a way that he is noticed when he enters the room. While being the most interesting man in the world would be the zenith of Game, just standing out from the crowd is a good start.

You’re welcome.

Have A Social Comfort Zone

Men can get a bit isolated from a social life. With the distractions of video games, the Internet, 500 television channels; it’s far too easy for a man to retreat from an active social life. However, humans are social creatures and men are no exception to this.

The purpose of the social comfort zone is not to meet women but rather do indulge in social activities in order to maintain good social skills. A bunch of folks talking about random stuff might seem like useless small talk. It’s not. For a Red Pill man, it’s a gold mine of social knowledge to be acquired so that he can refine and/or practice his Game.

A good social comfort zone should meet some specific requirements:

Physically convenient – This should be obvious. Any extended time required to get there represents a significant barrier.

Relatively unstructured and agenda-free – The unscheduled availability is important because life is busy. Just popping in to wherever that comfort zone might be should be an option.

Expectation and of, and opportunities for, socializing – The atmosphere must be friendly to socializing. The local library might not be a good option for this reason.

Co-educational – There should be a good ratio of women to men. While the social comfort zone isn’t meant for finding dates, a guy can practice some Game.

Low social friction – Haters, ragers, and sundry assholes or bitches make for high social friction. The social comfort zone must be relaxing for those there. A bunch of people with a staunch political ideology also makes for high social friction.

Reasonably healthy – A bar with heavy drinkers is not a healthy place. Oh, this rules out the local opium den, too. A wine bar might be a better option.

A combination of regulars, new-comers, and passers-through – Having a core group of people is important to build comfort. New-comers and passers-through are good for building/practicing social skills, including Game.

Typically, the neighborhood bar serves this function but there are other options, as well. The local coffee shop can also be a social comfort zone. A regular book club can be considered a social comfort zone even though the book under discussion is an agenda and it’s a more structured setting. might even provide some options. Just know that a singles group isn’t quite the social comfort zone because of dating expectations. That’s not to say that a singles group can’t become part of an extended social life.

Guys, put the video games down, turn off the TV, stop reading Manosphere blogs obsessively. Go out and get a damned social life. Find your social comfort zone.

You’re welcome.

Act Like A Woman To Be More Alpha

The title of this post sounds oxymoronic. Hear me out.

One of the major problems with women is their flakiness. They flake out on promises of dates, telephone calls, online chatting, whatever. This is the nature of women. There is not a female equivalent to “a man’s word is his bond”. So, women flake with impunity. As Number 1 ex told me repeatedly, “It’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind.” At the time, I was a blue pill man and didn’t know to respond with “No, it’s a child’s prerogative to change its mind.”

In the context of Dating 2.0, a man is forced to deal with flakiness on a regular basis. One option is to launch flaky women. I don’t think this is a bad idea but given how so many women are so flaky, this might result in the launching of almost every woman. For the guy seeking a long-term relationship, this isn’t a bad thing. Flaky women are not women of quality. Flaky women are nothing more than girls in a (usually oversized) woman’s body.

But for the man seeking more libidinous expressions of his affections, launching flaky women means a drastic reduction of the dating pool. Simply put, pushing the launch button often means not getting laid often.

Dealing with flakiness means that a man must be equally flaky. This only works when there are plenty of women in the pipeline. It’s vital to have a system so that if one woman gets flaky, there are options to pursue. This may appear to be a feminine tactic. It’s not. It’s surprisingly alpha.

Alpha men have options. It’s as simple as that. Exercising those options seems much like “it’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind”. Here’s the real deal – exercising options is exactly how a woman operates. Before intimacy (physical or emotional) a woman is looking for reasons to reject a man. By adopting that feminine approach to dating and relationships, a man is taking the same approach. He is looking for reasons to reject a woman. That’s healthy. That’s more alpha.

On a date, the Game guys know that changing venues is a powerful tactic. Think about that. That’s just like a woman changing her mind. “I wanted to have Greek food but I think I want Thai food, instead.” An Alpha guy would simply state “this place has gotten stale, we’re going to go to somewhere else.”

In fact, much of PUA is mirroring the same feminine behaviors that drive a man to distraction. Logic, reason? In the context of dating and relationships with women, those two things simply don’t apply. This is where the artistry of PUA comes into play. Standard routines might form the core of a man’s venusian repertoire, but it’s ebb and flow of communications and actions when dealing with women that are key to dating and relationship success.

While men must be consistent and dependable in the masculine world, that consistency and dependability will actually be counterproductive with women and the man might come off as being boring and stodgy. So, a man must mix it up a bit. Cancel dates for no reason (offer a counter), be late occasionally, take a mysterious phone call during a date, etc.

Just remember to have a system because some women won’t take that kind of behavior particularly well.

Concern Or Control? A Woman’s Shit Test

Several women I have dated over the past few months have expressed their concern regarding my safety when I ride my motorcycle. I’ll fully admit that motorcycling is a dangerous endeavor. Before I took the Red Pill, I thought that the women were offering an expression of affection, fondness, and genuine caring. It’s not. It’s a massive shit test and failing is doom to the hapless guy.

Here is how the shit test is artfully constructed.

1. A woman gets all tingly because the man has a risky enthusiasm. For me, it’s motorcycling but any risky enthusiasm applies. Women are attracted to men who take risks. It’s alpha.

2. The woman realizes that the risky enthusiasm might result in injury or death to the man she finds so attractive. One might think this presents a dilemma. But no, it’s an opportunity for her.

3. She expresses her concern with the risky enthusiasm and starts in with the “you really shouldn’t do that” nagging. She seems so genuine and concerned. Behold, the shit test!

What, you missed it?

It’s a shit test because the woman wants to know if the man can stand up to the nagging. It’s a particularly insidious test because she’s using concern as camouflage for control. It’s also insidious because there is just enough truth to the concern for it to seem a compelling request. A blue pill man will fail the test because he fell for the concern element – borne from a woman’s nurturing and caring characteristics – and completely ignored the control element. I pity the fool.

So the blue pill man cuts back (or completely eliminates) that risky enthusiasm to appease the woman. Perhaps they are living together or even married at this point. Maybe they are just dating. Regardless, it’s all about her needs now. Blue pill men have rationalization hamsters, too.

Suddenly, the woman ends the relationship. She can’t explain exactly why. She’s just “unhappy” with him. The blue pill man is devastated. He was so loving, so attentive. He even sacrificed his beloved and risky enthusiasm on the altar of her happiness. It was all for naught because he failed the shit test and the woman lost respect for him.

Should this unhappy scenario result in divorce, the clever ex-wife will seek just enough monetary extortion so that the ex-husband can’t afford to re-start risky enthusiasm anymore, reducing his potential attractiveness. This will be done with the ForTheChildren™ rationalization on her part when she’s really just trying to increase his barriers to post-marriage nookie.

The take away advice for all men, even the Red Pill variety, is to be extremely cautious regarding a woman’s “concern”. Some of might be indeed genuine but 80% of it is the shit test of control.

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