The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Expressing Irrational Self-Confidence

One of the Game axioms for men is that they be ridiculously self-confident. This is sage advice for men who have been saturated with the utterly toxic “be nice, be yourself” advice. It’s necessary to heave the self-confidence pendulum back in the other direction with a mighty shove.

Manifesting this self-confidence requires some canned lines and a wickedly confident presence and frame. It’s not easy but can be achieved with practice and a changed attitude.

Start small. When friends and acquaintances extend an informal greeting, it’s usually in the form of “How ya doing?” Most of us revert to the standard “doing well”. Such a greeting is a perfect way to express some ridiculous self-confidence.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m doing incredibly well!” Stated with a firm tone of voice. That’s some strong presence and frame, right there.

Take it up notch.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m spectacular!” Note the use of the adjective instead of the adverb. This response becomes a boast. It’s over the top for a reason because there is an element of humor in the response.

Such responses call attention to you and the nature of informal greetings and how no one really listens to the response. Using such self-confident responses takes you out of the masses. That’s always a good thing for men. It takes practice and a new state of mind. When a man consistently uses expressions of self-confidence in simple greetings responses, it’s a huge sign that the Red Pill is at work.

For interactions that occur on a regular basis outside of work, being humorously assholish occasionally works well for the nice guys. It must be pulled off with good humor, however. For example, the sushi bar where I often go has one particular bartender, a cute 20-something chick, to whom I am usually polite… usually.

I walked in yesterday evening and sat down at the bar. The cute bartender looked at me expectantly.

“Beer me.”

“That’s it? No ‘Hello’, no ‘how are you doing’?” For a brief instant she seemed serious. I knew better because of my familiarity with her.

“Kirin Ichiban.” (It’s a nice, dry beer.)

“Not even a ‘please’?”

“Nope” But I was smirking at this point. That’s crucial.

“You’re so rude, Private Man!” She had a huge smile on her face.

“And be quick about it.” I couldn’t help but laugh.

At this point, everyone in the place cracked up, especially the cute bartender. I received my beer with a huge smirk on my face, knowing that I’ve mastered the scene and scored big with general humorous uproar. It all took a great deal of self-confidence and being comfortable with the people and atmosphere at a regular hang-out.

Self-confidence can also be quite well expressed non-verbally. It’s been posted on other Manosphere sites so the details are not necessary. Just consider posture and physical presence when sitting and walking. Consider the upturn of the head and not the eyes cast down. When I walk around the office, I make a point never to look down when I walk past other people. Women, in particular, will note and non-verbal expression of confidence.

Here’s the take away for guys: You actually want people to notice you. Not shying away from attention is a confident move. Mystery has his furry hat and black fingernail polish. For a man over a certain age, that’s not necessary. What is necessary is that he carries himself in such a way that he is noticed when he enters the room. While being the most interesting man in the world would be the zenith of Game, just standing out from the crowd is a good start.

You’re welcome.

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34 thoughts on “Expressing Irrational Self-Confidence

  1. Robertson on said:

    And yet, knowing all this, it’s hard. Since taking the red pill, or at least trying to get it down, I find it’s much harder than simply “changing.” It requires constant work, because I’m trying to unlearn literally decades of behavior.

    These moves are harder to do when you’re in a crappy mood, easier to do if you’re in a good mood. There’s also putting a filter on and literally stopping and thinking before you respond a certain way, or act a certain way. You can climb up a step only to slide down again before you even realize it.

    That said, I take my successes one at a day. One day at a time, one interaction at a time. I may never be able to give myself the full “personality transplant” I desire, but I can at the very least improve around the margins. And I think I have.


    • I do understand that big a psychological shift must occur when attempting a serious change to common social interactions. It’s not easy. For some men, it’s damned near impossible.

      Starting small is a good idea. For example, a guy can change up just one social interaction a day. That’s it, just one. Doing this for several weeks, consciously by the way. After a few of the “new” social interactions, a guy can then increase the number of “new” social interactions per day. After awhile – and it might be months – those “new” social interactions will become far more natural.

      Also, I still recommend

      I wish you well in your endeavors and when the good medicine of the Red Pill is in your system, get back to us.

    • I echo everything you’ve said here, Robertson. So far the red pill is staying down but not without effort on my part.

    • I understand your struggle, and I have the solution. 1 day out of every week, dress in a manner completely uncustomary for you and go out and hit all the local watering holes. A lot of our mannerisms are reinforced by the way we look and what we believe others expect from us. People expect a certain attitude from a man dressed like a banker, and a completely different one from a man dressed like a biker. It can be much easier to take on a different persona while in the “costume” of that persona.

      In the olden days,a man seeking to pull off a successful hunt would dress up in a wolf or bear skin to bring out his inner hunter, the inner predator. In these times, the purpose is different, but the method still works. You will find your “hunting” more successful, your attitude more believable,if you change the framework it is presented from. It’s a lot easier to demonstrate than it is to explain. Try it out. If you’re running asshole game, get a leather jacket and some ripped jeans and you will,over time, feel like an asshole. It will give your presentation the stamp of authenticity that you need to make it work.

      • Jester on said:

        Agreed 100%
        I remember back in the day (late 80’s/early 90’s) I had a few styles that I chose specifically for going out tagging tail. I had a black leather trench coat (wouldn’t catch me dead in it now lol) that really gave me presence when paired up with a nice suit when I entered a room. I could feel eyes gazing at me. Now, the coat was a tool… Never forget that. If you don’t carry yourself well, you might as well be wearing the Micheal Jackson red leather zipper jacket! We all know how that worked out on guys. lol
        I was lucky because I was above average in looks, 6’3 and about 230lbs, but very lean. My game was FFC™ (Find em, fuck em, chuck em) and I was good at it. As PM said… eyes always up, shoulders back, stone faced, move slower than normal and focus your eyes ONLY where you are going, not what you are passing. You need to be intense and cool at the same time. The clothes you wear can help bring that look out of you. Think James Bond every time you enter a social setting or bar… What is happening around you should appear to be of no consequence to you… You are after all “the shit” and nothing sticks to you. Last piece of advise… Sit/stand where you are the most visible to the most people in the room. Don’t lean, don’t slouch, don’t pick your nose… You are ice! Be Ice!

  2. Game is driving us away from modesty and understatement, and toward narcissism. Men and women are on a race to the bottom, and its largely womens fault.

    • I cannot disagree. It is troubling how men must adapt to the changing social landscape and the broken social contract. Yes, women are largely to blame.

      Sadly, I think we have to hit some sort of cultural bottom before the process of rebuilding social expectations can begin.

  3. Robertson on said:

    Thanks for the words of encouragement, Privateman. I should mention as well, that I am married (a big follower of Athol) and so I work directly on improving my marriage. Much of what I do out in the world is to simply improve my own frame of mind, self-confidence, what have you. And, of course, address my own nagging insecurities that derive from my upbringing and my earlier years.

    NMH: you are right. For me, it’s hard to consciously not treat people how I would wish to be treated. It’s occasionally libertating, but it has its ups and downs. I was very lucky to find a good woman, and I’m having to work at dealing with normal shit tests and that sort of behavior without overreacting or being a complete asshole…which has caused problems when I’ve overdone it.

    • detinennui32 on said:


      good on you, on learning some game to improve your marriage. One thing you can do bump up your confidence with a wife is to stand up for yourself with her. Let her know you won’t put up with her shit. Ignore her fitness tests. Push back when she disrespects you by calling her out on it and telling her it’s unacceptable. Tell her no sometimes, stand by it, and don’t give in.

  4. Great post. I do the same thing when dealing with a cute clerk and she asks how I’m doing. “Fantastic!” always gets a smile and a quick conversational opener.

  5. My mindset, and something that has always worked well, its that no matter where you are-

    You own this place.

    • Yet for so many men, this is a difficult frame to achieve. It takes practice and mastery of something to bring about a wellspring of confidence that can then be transferred to another venue.

  6. Good luck with all this stuff.

  7. I agree with a lot of this but have to draw a line on where it can go. Confidence yes, rudeness no. No alpha I’ve known has found it necessary to be rude. Think James Bond – always socially smooth. If you need to be rude to appear confident, then you really aren’t confident.

  8. I’d make the argument that nothing in your post is irrationally self confident. Effective eye contact and witty remarks are just part of having fun and making the vibe more fun for everyone involved.

    In looking at past actions I realize I didn’t use eye contact much not because I lack confidence but because I was lazy and didn’t care.

  9. Robertson on said:


    I appreciate the encouragement, but when I listen to your tone, I’m reminded of the other thing I have to be careful about, and that’s going too far the other way. I don’t put up with her shit — generally didn’t before, in fact, but I’m more capable of spotting it now. But the thing is, I have to remember that it’s a love relationship, and indeed the shit is balanced out with a whole lot more good things. I’m looking to make things better, pass those tests, have a happier marriage as a result. I don’t really want to think of it as winning a war. If I’m spending all my time fighting battles, then it seems hardly worth it.

    • detinennui32 on said:

      yeah, you do have to be careful not to go too far the other way. My advice above was geared more toward marriages where the balance is skewed way too heavily to the woman. She’s getting everything and he’s getting nothing. Something has to be done to move that pendulum more in the man’s favor. That something usually has to take the form of a strong, unequivocal stand in which I told my spouse that things weren’t going to continue the way they had been. I’ve had to do it in my marriage, with good results. Sounds like you won’t have to do that, Robertson. Good on you. YMMV.

      (I also have to admit that I live a little bit vicariously through PM. But I’m good being with my hottie of 15 years where the sex just gets better and better once you start taking charge. I’m great with that)

  10. Dannyfrom504 on said:

    My typical response to “how are you?” is: “super fantastic, thanks for asking angel.” She’ll typically respond with, “I’ve never heard that one before.” and laugh. I follow with, “I’m awesome, smothered in awesome sauce, with a creamy awesome center.”

    It ALWAYS gets a laugh.

  11. Robertson on said:

    detin: there’s a lot of living vicariously through these blogs. Part of me is very curious about how I would go about things if I was on the hunt again, and knowing what I know now. I suspect that I simply would not be able to pull off the “personality transplant” and become a pickup machine, but I do believe I would handle many things differently once in a relationship.

    • detinennui32 on said:

      always fun to speculate. Maybe you wouldn’t be a pickup machine, but you can make the sex in your marriage hotter, better, and more frequent. You can get more of what you want and need in your marriage. Your wife will find herself complying with your requests with no thought at all and loving it.

      Now enough about our hot marriages. Let’s get back to watching PM and his minions prowl about.

    • T think you guys should be grateful that you are in a marriage to (presumably) attractive woman that, through game, you have a chance to get what you want. There are tons of single guys out there, that, even with game, will not have a chance of frequent sex with a woman they think is hot since so few exist, especially after 40. You married guys really dont have it to bad off once you know game.

  12. Robertson on said:

    NMH, I am grateful, but can I tell you the honest truth? Although I try to implement game, and I have indeed gotten in much better physical shape, even before coming upon the manosphere … the simple fact of the matter is that I’m getting laid twice as often as I used to for no other reason that I’m initiating more often.

    Hmmm, maybe that is game in and of itself? 🙂

    detin: yes indeed…my curiosity about how I might be in no way rises to the level of putting my good thing in jeopardy. :-)Enjoy!

    • detinennui32 on said:

      Robertson: here’s one good way for any man to initiate with his wife (or his GF or any woman he’s been with for a while, for that matter):

      Come home from work early and unexpected. Take her to the bedroom or desired location and say in all seriousness,

      “Get undressed. We’re having sex now.”

      To my great joy, Mrs. detin is naked, sprawled, moist and ready for action in under 20 seconds.

      This is alpha. First, it’s not a request. You are not asking for sex. You are telling her sex is going to happen now. It’s an order and a plan. Second, it presumes the desired result. Third, it establishes your role as dominant.

      The only reason she’ll say no is because of female things going on or extreme fatigue.


  13. Yeah, at this point Im so busy that I schedule sex with my gf. I tell her come over to my place at a specific time. She is always ready.

    I have not been in too many relationships (im a former omega), but this is he only one where my gf wanted sex far more than me. I think the reason is because I’m not super-strongly attracted to her physically (although I like her a lot), so I employ game without realizing it. Also, in this particular relationship, her hypergamy is strongly satisfied, at least until I lose my job.

    Evo Psych and F Roger Devlin game me the answers which I have tried to get in vain all these years. I finally understand, and can die with a smile on my face.

  14. Robertson on said:

    Detin, that’s actually similar to something I’ve been doing lately, which is to unexpectedly tell her I’m taking care of her, and with no immediate expectation of reciprocity. She never says no to this, and it ultimately leads to good will and PLENTY of reciprocity in the long run. Plus it’s a win-win, as I like going downtown. 🙂

  15. Yep It's Me on said:

    When asked “How are you” or “How are you today?” — I always say “Outstanding” — I never hesitate – regardless of the type of day I’ve had to that point. And always delivered with a smile. I guess I need to start adding “and how are you darlin’?” — just to add a bit of spice to it!

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