The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the month “April, 2015”

Small Talk And Uber

I am a huge fan and a big consumer of Uber, the car and driver hire service.  If you don’t have Uber in your city, I really hope it gets there soon. My experience has been universally positive since I started using the service last August. Uber has made my life without personal transportation in South Florida completely possible. The cell phone app works very well and the costs are modest for me. That being said, surge pricing can make things more expensive. The rating system of drivers and riders is phenomenal.

I’m motivated to write about Uber because the company is threatening to pull out of Broward County over proposed measures that would effectively force Uber out of the county, as the company has threatened.  I really don’t want that to happen because I think I’ll be using Uber for years to come.

Politics aside, Uber is a great social opportunity. Chatting with the driver is a great time to flex your social skills. It’s purely idle chit chat, small talk at its smallest. There is no agenda except to be friendly. Here in South Florida, the Uber drivers are a very eclectic bunch representing many cultures and ages. Indeed, I’ve had several female Uber drivers. The woman from Bengladesh I’ve had drive me several times. Her brother-in-law is also an Uber driver and he’s driven me, as well.

I always attempt to verbally engage the Uber driver. Sometimes it’s challenging because of accents and language issues but I really make a serious effort. Talking to people from other cultures and who’s native language is not English is a great conversational challenge. I’ve got a standard opening for Uber drivers, “So, how is Uber working for you?” The answer is always polite but it’s a great opening question. Showing interest in another person, even a complete stranger, is a very charismatic social skill. People love to talk about themselves and the stories from all these Uber drivers has been riveting for me.

I know a lot of guys bitch and moan about “small talk” and how they loathe it. That attitude gets neither pity nor understanding from me. Small talk is the both the social glue and social lubrication that keep us human and not degenerating into savagery. Small talk is what gets people talking. Small talk is how men can approach women without being a blowhard.  Small talk is a phenomenal opportunity to be witty and charismatic. And with an Uber ride (always sit up front), there’s a fully functioning adult right next to you who probably wants some small talk, too.

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Why I Do This

I recently watched a very interesting video from Rollo.

He asks the question, “why bother”?

I ask myself the same question. I started blogging from a selfish point of view. I acknowledge that. My blog has been both a benefit and a detraction from my life. I’ve lost girlfriends over what I write. The last one hurt the most. But I stay true to my words and ideas. A man must be true to himself, regardless of how that affects his relationship with women. Frank Sinatra had a great song about it, “I Did It My Way

Hypergamy is the one word that made me understand how the relationship ‘twixt the sexes really works. Women loathe that word. They loathe that word with a white-hot passion. They loathe that word because they know it’s the truth despite what modern social expectations attempt to dictate. It’s that one word that keeps me writing and sharing wisdom. It’s that word is why I do this, blogging.

I very recently read a quote from Tom Leykis.

“I’d rather live in a one bedroom apartment than take orders from some bitch.”

It’s a savagely ugly quote. It also speaks honest truths. A man who takes orders from a woman is not a man. If he does, he’s an obsequious and supplicating doormat unworthy of respect from anyone. He’s worthless.

A man must be independent. He must live for himself, never taking orders from a woman who is only concerned for herself. This is where the irony kicks in. If a man responds to orders from a woman, his attractiveness to her dies. Sure, she might say good words to him and to her friends but the end result is loss of respect for him. Guys, when a woman tells you what to do, always say no. Always. The resulting verbal shit storm will be awesome. The resulting respect and passion will be so much more.

This is why I blog. I want to share solid and truthful information about how humans behave. We’re predictable. We’re not special snowflakes. Every word, every action, everything we do can be predicted because we’re dealing with homo sapiens. To deny that is to wallow in the deep morass of unhappiness predicated on the special snowflake concept.

Here’s another Sinatra song that I really like. It speaks to the phases of a man’s life. And the accompanying music is phenomenal. Suck it, Beethoven.

 

Two Recent Interviews With Me (Podcasts)

There are two recent podcasts where I was interviewed. The first interview was by Dom Torres , a young blogger and traveller. It’s just over an hour and covers a wide range of topics and I also talk about my own life. Do note that I got the chronology of my early-twenties life a bit wrong but the other facts are accurate. It’s interesting to note that Dom did the interview via Skype from Uganda. He’s definitely a world traveler. Africa is the one continent I have never visited. I give Dom serious respect for his African travels.

The full URL is here:

http://dom-torres.com/2015/04/07/hangover-radio-ep-15-an-interview-with-the-private-man/

He’s got some other interviews, several with porn stars if you’re into that kind of thing. He’s a good cat.

The next podcast interview was with Christian McQueen . He’s quite well known in the Manosphere and is not without controversy. Regardless, he interviewed me for two full hours with many, many subjects covered. Including charisma, lessons for younger men, cultural commentary about gender, and even stories about my dog. There’s also a section where I talk candidly about my cancer.

I’ve gotten a great review of that interview:

O man ‘The Private Man’ is fucking hilarious. His voice is capturing and the way he describes things is hysterical. Great interview.

There is one important caveat with McQueen’s interview. It’s premium content and therefore you have to pay. If you do elect to pay, do know that I’m not making one penny from that. Here’s the full URL:

http://amanindemandradio.podbean.com/e/episode-4-the-private-man-interview/

If you don’t want to pay, that’s fine and I understand.

I do love talking about Red Pill issues it’s just such topics are loathed by the mainstream media and the general population of civilians. I’ve offered myself up for other interviews and maybe I’ll get a call from some media outlet outside of the Manosphere.

What Does She Offer?

Through the miracle of Twitter, I was linked to this article:

Here’s the full transcript. My comments are at the bottom

For many single women over 50, the idea of dating creates angst, frustration, and confusion. But as a dating coach for women, I’m here to tell you, “Please don’t fret!”

The truth is— those 20-something gals have nothing on you when it comes to dating prowess. Surprised to hear me say that? Don’t be! Here’s five pretty fantastic reasons why dating over 50 is actually light years better than in your 20s.
So, let go of those false notions that you’re behind the game in any way. Ladies, it’s time to enjoy the dating process and realize that your love destiny is as bright and beautiful as you are. And knowing that makes all the difference because, as you can imagine, your outlook on men and dating is a huge factor in your experience and results.

Here are the five reasons dating over 50 is where it’s at:

1. At 50, you know who you are.

Today, you approach dating with a wealth of life knowledge. You no longer wonder who you are, as you might have in your 20s. Stop and take note of this and give yourself a chance to feel empowered by it.

According to WebMD, women over 50 feel more self-assured, know what they like (and don’t like), and trust themselves more. That’s the benefit of life experience—greater confidence. No, this doesn’t mean you have it all figured out, but you’ve been there and done that so you can now be yourself and enjoy.

Did you feel that way at 22? I doubt it. Back then you were still “finding yourself”, endlessly comparing yourself to others and worrying about what people thought. Confidence was hard to come by. You had to try things to discover your preferences, which meant you probably learned some hard lessons.

The benefits of this experience a 50 are remarkable. Now, apply that wonderful life knowledge and confidence to dating! You know what you like about men and relationships, and what you don’t. Let that be your guide as you start meeting men and dating.

2. You have no desire to start a family.

So much freedom comes with no longer hearing the tick-tock of your biological clock. You’re past having kids, and if you do have children, they’re older and need less of your time.

In your 20s you were looking for a man you could start a family with. Your criteria for a mate was much different, seeking a guy who could be a good provider and father. Later in your 20s, the clock ticked louder, which put pressure on you to make choices in partners that maybe weren’t the best.

Now you are either free from most child-rearing duties, or completely finished. Congratulations! Fighting with a potential partner about parenting approaches is not an issue any longer. And you don’t need a pick a man based on his potential as a father. In truth, many women in their 50s no longer need a man to act as a provider either because they are financially independent.

This means, now you can focus on having fun! You have the freedom to choose a man because he knows how to enjoy life and is ready to share that with you. Sounds good, right?

3. You have relationship experience.

Reaching your 50s, you’ve been married or you’ve been in relationships, so you’ve acquired the communication skills to handle issues that crop up (you’re also mature enough to know issues DO crop up as part of healthy, normal relationships). Now, you’re no longer afraid to speak up because you’ve seen things can and do work out. Calm conversations, logical thinking, and giving each other a chance to express concerns leads to working through problems successfully.

Remember your first fight with a boyfriend in your 20s? That was an insane amount of drama! You made mistakes, said the wrong thing, stormed out of the room, and worse. You had little knowledge of how to discuss a situation calmly, make your point fairly, or compromise.

When dating over 50, you know what type of behavior is unacceptable, how to resolve problems, and when it’s smart to compromise to get back to the pleasure of his company. That experience makes all the difference. Apply that wisdom to dating and finding love this time around. There’s no guarantee of perpetual bliss, but love is fabulous after 50.

4. You don’t need him to “put a ring on it.”

Many women over 50 married at least once, so you’ve likely already walked down the aisle and had the big wedding. Now, getting married isn’t such a pressing need. Many divorced people over 50 don’t want to marry again, even though they do want a long-term, committed relationship. You are free to choose.

Being family-minded in your 20s, marriage was vitally important. Your friends got engaged left and right and you started to feel out of the loop if you weren’t going in the same direction.

At 50, the pressure is off. You can “live together apart”, live together, or get married. This opens a world of options to connect with men. Of course, you can still choose to marry, but that’s entirely up to you. I’m not at all trying to dissuade you. But when you don’t marry, you avoid legal battles in the event things don’t work out and retain a measure of freedom in your relationship if you want that.

5. Men over 50 are more tender.

Not only have you improved with age, but so have the men. Dr. Joel Block—sex therapist and author of Sex Over 50—claims men over 50 are “more tender.” Apparently, as men age they get more comfortable with intimacy and can become nurturing. As people age they grow wiser and fine-tune their relationship skills.

Back in your 20s, do you remember men being nurturing, tender, or wise about women and their needs? Well, maybe a few were, but for the most part—both genders are just muddling their way through the confusing maze of dating and relationships.

So, you see, ladies—the chances of finding a man who understands you are better than ever over 50.

You can meet a man who is more caring and wants to make love work … without stressing about finding a provider, rushing to the altar, or getting pregnant. You know yourself and what works for you. This is ideal for dating and finding love after 50.

But you must make yourself available so the right guy can find you!

Trouble is, men can’t find you unless you put yourself out there. It’s time to socialize, get online, and have friends and family fix you up. Learn about how dating works today and then move forward with confidence, because honey, you are still a great catch and there’s a man out there who will be so lucky to find you.

Are you a single woman over 40 who is ready to start dating or dating but not meeting the right men? Get the proven dating advice you need from a dating coach who specializes in helping women over 40 with loads of success stories. Download my free book: [Redacted] so you can avoid heartbreaking missteps on your way to finding the magic of love.

The author of this article clearly has something to sell, and when dealing with dating coaches for the post-divorce crowd, always follow the money. It matters little if their information is true and accurate – if they can make a few thousand bucks giving out advice, then it’s considered a success. For women, this article is feel-good pablum. Actually, it is criminally bad feel-good pablum.

A post-50, post-divorce woman must bring something to the relationship table that a man wants. If she’s not prepared for that, then she is not ready for dating. Here’s the reality: A 50-something Prince Charming is dating 30-somethings and the sooner a 50-something woman realizes that’s her competition, the sooner she’ll be successful in realizing her relationship goals. She can loudly and proudly (“I’ll never settle!”) take herself out of the dating market, that’s her option. Attractive men do what they want with whom they want no matter how a 50-something woman “feels”.

A Man’s “Edge” Factor

So many times I have read this in a woman’s online dating profile:

“I’m looking for a nice guy with an edge.”

#Facepalm with the tired cliche but I’ll run with it.

This should actually read:

“I’m attracted [want to have sex with] to a guy with an edge who also happens to be nice to me but not everyone else because of his edge.”

There are two things going on here. The first is the “edge”. This is woman-speak for bad boy. Here are some of the things that give a man the edge, some are age-related (in no particular order):

  • Tattoos (really?! Yeah, really. #facepalm)
  • Motorcycles (or, insert any dangerous motorsports activity here but motorcycles are best)
  • Willingness to take risks – physical or financial – NOT emotional
  • Masculine emotional intensity (think the brooding and aloof creative artist, not the overly sensitive guys too willing to be in touch with their feminine side)
  • Muscles… very obvious muscles (says the guy with the arms of a gibbon)
  • Outcome independence
  •  Ability to overcome adversity (says the guy with an eyeball lost to cancer and still going on with life. Yeah, boasting. Top that, motherfuckers!)
  • Attractiveness to other women
  • Social confidence in any situation

Hell, here is another list that speaks verily to this.

Note that money and affluence don’t necessarily make for a man’s edge. Such things are about security for a woman and not necessarily about a man’s attractiveness. But do bear in mind that women too easily conflate security with attractiveness. They can’t help themselves in this regard, it’s wired into their DNA. This goes especially for post-divorce women who have not prepared for the future.

If a man with money and affluence yet lacks that “edge”, he is merely buying a woman with gifts, trips, and her ability to brag to her friends about how “generous” he is. This is particularly pronounced here in South Florida but is manifested in different ways in different cities. South Florida is not Kansas City and I know this.

A man must develop his edge. Such development must be done for himself, not merely to attract the dames. Women aren’t stupid, they know when a man is working on himself solely to please them. That kind of thing is supplication, pure and simple. Women despise that.

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