The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Unleash The Neg!

[Note: I had originally intended to make this a video podcast but the ideas here do best in writing, not me talking at my video camera.]

Over four years, I wrote about the self-esteem crisis facing American girls and women. Here is the salient paragraph from my original blog post.

Simply put, contemporary female self-esteem is far too high. Girls and women think too highly of themselves. Whether a teen-aged princess or a middle-aged goddess, females value themselves far in excess of the social/sexual cultural realities as well as the evolutionary psychology realities.

Self-esteem is one’s sense of self-worth. It’s when a person has a strong internal sense of self. Self-esteem and confidence are certainly related. Red Pill wisdom states that a man should have confidence. It’s the emotional power to overcome adversity and grow from it. As women are qualitatively different from men, her emotion strength to simply survive adversity. There is a difference here.

Be wary of many sociological and psychological studies about low self-esteem because they can suffer terribly from selection bias. Simply put, when asked if a person could be the victim of something, that person will answer in the affirmative. This very much applies to women more than men. After all, to the victim goes the spoils – from attention and sympathy all the way to expensive government social programs. But the worst manifestation of getting the social spoils is freedom from consequences of individual decisions and actions.

When it comes to attraction and dating, there are some seriously ugly downstream effects of excess female self-esteem:

  • Loss of humility
  • Being bossy and domineering
  • Indulging in the “having it all” myth
  • “I’m always right” or “I always get what I want”
  • What “I want” becomes “I deserve”
  • Extraordinary pickiness
  • Willful ignorance in the face of demographic facts
  • Loss of empathy
  • Increased “bitch shield
  • Overestimation sense of one’s dating “market value”
  • The princess/queen fallacy (check the online dating profiles for those words of self-description)

None of these make a woman more attractive to men. Successful dating coaches know this and have a tremendously challenging balancing act to perform with their female clients. They must rein in the female ego and encourage feminine attractiveness. At the same time, women are awash in social messages such as “love yourself” and “You go, Grrl!”

To circle around to the title of this blog post, it’s important that men have a technique to deal with a woman’s jumbo self-esteem. In old school Pickup Artistry (PUA) is the concept of the “neg“. This word is both a verb and a noun. It is also one of the most controversial elements of PUA techniques.

The neg is intended to be used carefully and with nuance and subtlety. It is not a verbal hammer to be wielded with clumsy impunity. In the context of a woman’s over-inflated self-esteem, the neg can be something fairly neutral. I’ve used this line with great success:

“I see you have that whole self-esteem issue under control”.

This line is not an insult, it’s a statement to acknowledge a woman has no shortage of ego. It puts her on notice that the man can see through her bluster and facade. It’s also a reminder that the man seeks feminine qualities, not masculine qualities clumsily tacked on to a female body.

Using the neg must be done with masculine confidence and with a strong element of flirting. Delivered with a wry smirk (gentlemen, practice that look), the neg can be devastatingly effective in poking a necessary hole in a woman’s unrealistic self-esteem. Of course, if a woman is insufferably awash in ego, it’s time for the nuclear option.

I read that this is a Swedish quote regarding women – she should be happy, humble, and grateful. Is there anything wrong with this? I don’t think so. Note: A reader from Sweden corrected me regarding that quote. According to that comment, it’s “Happy, horny, and grateful”. That fits well, too.

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12 thoughts on “Unleash The Neg!

  1. Must be awful for men to be so afraid of women.

  2. “I read that this is a Swedish quote regarding women – she should be happy, humble, and grateful.”

    It was actually “happy, horny, and grateful”.

  3. Uhm, yeah…still trying to remain relevant.
    Facades are just that. While the princess complex does exist only the weak succumb to it. This is an exaggeration at best.
    PUA approach that puts women down is just a douche move. Woman with value aren’t gonna respond to that.
    And yes, fear also comes to mind, but implying that someone who disagrees with you is an idiot is also being an idiot. Relevance man, relevance.

    • It’s a move that can be necessary. A woman with genuine feminine value isn’t going to have an over-inflated ego that makes her insufferable to be around. Such a woman won’t need a neg.

      It’s up to the guy to know the difference between a friendly, happy, feminine woman and a shrill, nasty harridan. The harridan gets taken down a peg, deservedly so.

      And you finally learned out that arguing the point and not the messenger is more effective.

    • “PUA approach that puts women down is just a douche move. Woman with value aren’t gonna respond to that.”

      Oh, but they do, man, they do.

  4. I know that you’re not a fan of the “love yourself” mentality, but I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s necessary for real core confidence and out come independence. It’s also necessary to overcome the toxic cultural influences that would make narcissists of us all.

    To love your self does not mean embracing narcissism. Narcissists are pretty empty and small, and require an inflated balloon of hot air ego. But it’s a thin skin. It requires a never ending source of outside validation. In otherwords, their self is dependant on outside sources.

    Loving yourself means coming to a place of love and acceptance of yourself. Even the parts you don’t like. Self improvement comes from a frame of being good enough, but there’s always room for growth. For your own sake. (As oppossed to self loathing and a sense of not being good enough) Otherwise, you get trapped into the validation/narcissism loop. Your selfhood, happiness inner strength ends up being dependant on people and things outside of you.

    And that’s a form of control.

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