The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Act Like A Woman To Be More Alpha

The title of this post sounds oxymoronic. Hear me out.

One of the major problems with women is their flakiness. They flake out on promises of dates, telephone calls, online chatting, whatever. This is the nature of women. There is not a female equivalent to “a man’s word is his bond”. So, women flake with impunity. As Number 1 ex told me repeatedly, “It’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind.” At the time, I was a blue pill man and didn’t know to respond with “No, it’s a child’s prerogative to change its mind.”

In the context of Dating 2.0, a man is forced to deal with flakiness on a regular basis. One option is to launch flaky women. I don’t think this is a bad idea but given how so many women are so flaky, this might result in the launching of almost every woman. For the guy seeking a long-term relationship, this isn’t a bad thing. Flaky women are not women of quality. Flaky women are nothing more than girls in a (usually oversized) woman’s body.

But for the man seeking more libidinous expressions of his affections, launching flaky women means a drastic reduction of the dating pool. Simply put, pushing the launch button often means not getting laid often.

Dealing with flakiness means that a man must be equally flaky. This only works when there are plenty of women in the pipeline. It’s vital to have a system so that if one woman gets flaky, there are options to pursue. This may appear to be a feminine tactic. It’s not. It’s surprisingly alpha.

Alpha men have options. It’s as simple as that. Exercising those options seems much like “it’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind”. Here’s the real deal – exercising options is exactly how a woman operates. Before intimacy (physical or emotional) a woman is looking for reasons to reject a man. By adopting that feminine approach to dating and relationships, a man is taking the same approach. He is looking for reasons to reject a woman. That’s healthy. That’s more alpha.

On a date, the Game guys know that changing venues is a powerful tactic. Think about that. That’s just like a woman changing her mind. “I wanted to have Greek food but I think I want Thai food, instead.” An Alpha guy would simply state “this place has gotten stale, we’re going to go to somewhere else.”

In fact, much of PUA is mirroring the same feminine behaviors that drive a man to distraction. Logic, reason? In the context of dating and relationships with women, those two things simply don’t apply. This is where the artistry of PUA comes into play. Standard routines might form the core of a man’s venusian repertoire, but it’s ebb and flow of communications and actions when dealing with women that are key to dating and relationship success.

While men must be consistent and dependable in the masculine world, that consistency and dependability will actually be counterproductive with women and the man might come off as being boring and stodgy. So, a man must mix it up a bit. Cancel dates for no reason (offer a counter), be late occasionally, take a mysterious phone call during a date, etc.

Just remember to have a system because some women won’t take that kind of behavior particularly well.

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8 thoughts on “Act Like A Woman To Be More Alpha

  1. Good point. I think the biggest step is from the idea “treat women well” to “treat women as they deserve.” Once you realize that a women has to earn your good behavior, you’re halfway there.

  2. This is a great post and I agree with a lot of what you say. However, I do not agree with the main point which is that it is ok for men to start acting flaky: I think that we treat others the same way that we demand others treat us; if we allow others to treat us badly, we end up convincing ourselves that this is normal social interaction and treat others accordingly. On the other hand, if we start acting flaky, in order to remain congruent we need to convince ourselves that it is ok for others to treat us that way. Then we start to lose some of our self – respect.

  3. DC Phil on said:

    I can add the following: a woman who says, either before or right at the start of the date, that she has plans later that evening.

    This happened to me a couple of months ago with one date in downtown DC. I was running a bit late because the Metro was running slow, and texted the woman (38 yrs old and so-so in looks) that I’d get there as soon as I could. She said “no problem.” When I arrived at the bar, she was already sitting down, fiddling with her iPad, and with a beer on the table, which she had already started drinking. I took that state of affairs to be Red Flag No. 1 (no consideration in waiting for me to get there). Red Flag No. 2 was when she told me that she had only one hour to spare because she was meeting friends for dinner later that evening (putting a time constraint on me). Red Flag No. 3 was when she got visibly offended when I told her that I thought it was funny that older and fatter women were becoming more common as flight attendants and how the anti-discrimination policies were a bit much. That and how I thought Don Draper was a good male role model on “Mad Men.” (“He’s a sleazeball!”, she retorted.) I could tell that I was dealing with a feminist and so parted company with her, unceremoniously, on the street. Never called her again. Fortunately, we did Dutch for the drinks.

    Recently, I had another woman tell me that she had dinner plans with friends of hers later in the evening on the day that we chose to meet. I told her, “Since you have plans later, let’s just choose another day when you’re not as busy.” I’m awaiting her response — and I’d be surprised if she gets back to me.

  4. Jon Michael on said:

    On my last Ok Cupid Date, I used the whole “I’ve got plans later with my friends, so let’s meet earlier” line…. At first blush it seemed to work (furious make out session after she offered to drive me to my friend’s house), but she quickly flaked on our next meeting. Never saw her again. I’m not sure my tactic worked, but the result could have been much worse.

    • Maybe she consulted with friends on the best course of action.
      When you date a woman, you are also dating her friends, since they will spill all the details to them before they get the “go-ahead” for date #2.
      Approval by committee, basically.

  5. Jon Michael on said:

    Never thought of that element.

    What seems to confirm this theory is the fact that she texted me often the same night after our meeting. It culminated with her asking if I’d ever been in a threesome. Maybe her friend said no go to that, and subsequently the whole thing got quashed.

    From potential threesome, to absolutely bubkis in the blink of an eye. Gotta be able to laugh.

  6. Miss J on said:

    Being a 40 yo woman here, very interresting read. I wish all the game playing would be replaced with honesty and the old treat others like you would like to be treated. I have been out of the dating game by choice for a long time. But starting to think the single life is pretty lonely. Just about to go on a speed date, well on Valentines day (:. So what advice would you guys give me. I am looking for MR right. Not a one nighter. How should I dress ? What does men want? how do you capture your heart? What are the don`t and the do do`s . And what about sex? how long should we keep you waiting? Hope to get it right this time (:

  7. yugopc on said:

    If you hate flaky people why do you started becoming one yourself and worse, teach others doing so as well? Being flaky isn’t alpha male material. Alpha male is assertive, confident, as well as have a high level of understanding of other people and himself’s feeling. Being flaky is inconsiderate towards other feeling. I, myself, will never be flaky towards anyone that I meet. I will tell the people that I don’t like (if she being persistent chasing me) straight like; ” I’m sorry that I feel no chemistry between us. I hope that someday you will find a good suitable man who will feel the same way towards you too.” please delete your article now. What we need most is less people being flaky. Not creating more.

    Also, by adopting “rejecting” behaviour, you will lose quality women who have great personality in your searching process. Who knows, maybe the girl that you’re flaked happened to have a lady friend with very good quality personalities whom she willing to introduce to you. I’m a guy myself, don’t disrespect women, don’t disrespect people. TRUE ALPHA MALE NEVER DISRESPECT ANYONE. If you happened to meet people who disrespected you just shrug it off. Like its no big deal. Don’t becoming a person that you annoyed most in the first place.

    Forgive my English grammar if you guys spot one since English isn’t my first language.

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