The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Awful Profiles

[Recent update 06/22/2015 – I made this page private a couple of years ago but several readers have requested that it be made public again. Please note that I started this page from a point of frustration in my life. That frustration has mellowed considerably over the years. However, there are some interesting lessons here. Oh, and I’m doing Patreon]

Gentlemen, if you find an awful online dating profile written by a woman, post a link to it via a reply, below. Warning – all the comments are  incredibly slow to load because there are so many!

I don’t care about the profiles written by men. There are plenty of blogs where those profiles are revealed and reviled by women.

Also, I don’t care about the profiles of women under 35. Leave the youngsters alone. I want the profiles of seemingly mature, intelligent women.

542 thoughts on “Awful Profiles

  1. Got one!

    Her photos show a somewhat attractive blond of 47 years old.

    “Honesty means everything to me!” [write more words, cupcake]

    Eight photos and here are her words (from Plenty of Fish):

    About Me
    llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

    First Date
    llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

    Here is her list or requirements:

    Male
    Live in United States
    Must not have messaged users looking for intimate encounters or sex.
    You must have a picture to contact this user.
    Must not be looking for Hang Out
    Must not be looking for Talk/E-mail
    Must not be looking for Other Relationship
    Must not be looking for Intimate Encounter
    Must not be looking for Activity Partner
    Must not do drugs
    Must not be married
    Must not smoke

    She has NO words at all. NONE!. She offers the photos which show her physical attractiveness, nothing more. But at 47, she needs to be offering more than that. Hypergamy gets interesting after 40.
    Her photos aren’t bad, but seriously, is this all that she has to offer? Just a vague promise of physical attractiveness?

    Next.

  2. Alpha Cat on said:

    You have to be an idiot for not noticing a fake profile in the first place.

  3. Got another!

    This was in the First Date section on Plenty of Fish…

    YOUR BIGGEST JOB IS TO KEEP ME LOL

    LOL No, your biggest job is to keep a man from leaving you.

    • She put a LOL in her subject line too?

      Wow. That’s like saying “I’m an entitled princess. Ha ha!”

      Just out of curiousity privateman, how old are you and what’s the lower end of the age range you search?

    • I’m becoming convinced that women write profiles that they would find attractive for a man, and don’t understand that men are different. For a woman, the primary purpose of a relationship is to generate drama – excitement, mystery, tension. Her relationship is potentially the most important thing she has going on: “Your biggest job is to keep me” is actuallt “my biggest job/thing im my life is finding and keeping my man”.
      A man had other things that are more important, and want’s – well – simple happiness. Felicity. So we write profiles offering that, and the women aren’t interested. They don’t want to be happy. If anything, they want to be made *un*happy.
      So the obvious experiment is: cull the women’s profiles for the most objectionable garbage (I’m sarcastic and dress well – can you keep up?), and make a fake male profile with the same stuff – only make him 6’2″.

      • Jennie on said:

        Sorry, but you are wrong. I cannot speak for all women, but to say that a woman wants to be made “unhappy” is very wrong. Sure, an unhealthy woman may want this, but not a woman who is seeking a healthy relationship! I just don’t understand why you guys write these things like you are experts on us women or something. You obviously have no clue what we want. What woman would want a man to make her miserable? A woman who is miserable from the start. “Misery loves company.”

  4. Days of Broken Arrows on said:

    Actual quote from a Match.com profile of a 34-year-old, never-married “veterinarian vegetarian.”. Spot the cognitive dissonance:

    I’m rather type A, am blunt and straightforward, have very high standards for everything in life (including for myself and my partner), but am down to earth, easy-going, and low maintenance.

    Huh? Anyway, then after a long, self-obsessed list detailing the minutia of every elitist thing she likes (SWPL), there’s this gem:

    No smokers, snorers, superficial, or self-absorbed people, please.

    I’ll throw her points since she doesn’t require someone 6’0,” though. However, you do need a graduate degree to date her. Is this dating or a job application?

    • Yeah… I’ve seen some of those types of profiles but after a certain age, the lengthy lists of requirements start getting smaller.

      “Blunt and straightforward”. That bodes ill.

      There is a difference between introspective and self-absorbed.

      Self absorbed is “what do I want?”

      Introspective is “what do I offer?”

      Prediction: A series of flings with BadBoys smokers while she rejects her fellow beta vegetarians. Her veterinarian skills will come in quite handy at home in 20 years.

  5. This from a 42 year old women. She is frumpy and her appearance gives a good indication of what follows:

    If you too, find online internet dating and the message boards very harsh, maybe we might just get along.

    I am not looking on an internet dating site at the moment. I am feeling cautious about internet dating. There is simply so much dishonesty and crassness on this site from tacky men. Then of course there are the boozers who hide behind a computer and suck away on their brown froth. Very very unattractive and repulsive.

    Any “boy” that wants to tell me lies please don’t even look once at me, let alone twice. I have no interest in dishonest “boys”. Only immature cowards with low self esteem tell fibs. They bore me to tears.

    Oh, and the “boys” only looking for sex on this site please don’t even look once at me either. I desire a mature man wanting a relationship.

    The other thing that concerns me about internet dating is how many men have slept with how many women on here. It’s a candy store for men on here. I don’t fancy catching any yucky bugs from floosie men that have slept around.

    I am a bug-free genuine woman looking for a bug-free genuine man.

    Will I find that on here…..I’m really not sure that I will.

    I am fussy.

    I would like to get to know you before I become more intimate sexually with you. I need to know that I can trust you with my heart and soul. I am looking for a nice, normal kind hearted man who understands my sensitive, perceptive nature.

    In summary….

    I won’t be settling for anything less than the best.

    • The other thing that concerns me about internet dating is how many men have slept with how many women on here. It’s a candy store for men on here. I don’t fancy catching any yucky bugs from floosie men that have slept around.

      Sometime after 40, there is the big flip when there are quite a few more single women than single men.

      Damn right it’s a candy story. Sadly, much of the candy has gone sour as evidenced by this profile. She’s obviously attracted to the exact same type of man she writes about. If not, how would she know so well about these type of men?

      I won’t be settling for anything less than the best.

      She will have cats. There’s that “never settle” meme again.

      • Women should “never settle”. Because the man they “settle for” will have his whole life become a misery in choosing to become legally entangled with such a person.
        Men need to pick up on the verbal cues of her and her friends to make sure that they aren’t becoming the last one in the game of musical cocks.

    • And this same woman will moan about why no man is interested in having anything to do with her.

  6. Part of me feels pity for this neurotic wreck of a woman. She wants a man but is so lacking in social skills, she creates a barrier around herself to keep Intimacy well away. The fact is she would probably settle for any man who would give her the time of day, likely one with equally undeveloped social skills. This would end in tears, reinforcing her bitterness and apprehension. If she only stepped outside of her self imposed fantasy world, she would be happier (though still not much to look at). You have to wonder what sort of rubbish her friends tell her.

  7. The “Just Be Yourself” concept has done untold harm to both sexes over the last few generations. It’s demasculinized and softened men, and turned women into raging id monsters.

    • Really? Most women I know are way more easygoing than the men. You’re definitely exaggerating. Maybe you just feel threatened because women have become more assertive. Confident men, by the way, like or should I say, expect smart confident women.

      • You need to read more of this blog and other Manosphere blogs. Threatened? No, men are pissed off with the masculinization of women. A smart, confident woman is usually bossy and domineering, two extremely ugly traits in a woman.

      • experimental on said:

        I would be thrilled if men really didn’t like or care for the masculinization of women. Totally agree about women who seem to be overly confident, assertive, overly ambitions, outspoken (bossy and domineering) or whatever other adjectives you want to use. But smart? Do men really not care for intelligent women? And also…what if the woman was just born with it…what if she was just smart, from the time she was in elementary school on, and there was nothing she could do about it? Is that something a lot of guys would really hold against a woman? What should she have done in grades school and on, faked being dumb, held back and bombed/failed all of her classes? That sure would explain a lot. Up through highschool, acing classes, making straight A’s, no interest from the opposite sex and not involved in dating. After high school when it isn’t so apparent and easy to “fake” dumbness…yeah, there’s interest there. A whole new world of dating opened up.

    • LaRubia on said:

      “[U]ntold harm.” What an eloquent and incisive way to describe yet another “culturally”- sanctioned excuse to be ill-mannered.

  8. This not an awful profile, but a study done by a very clever man. I found it at http://www.edatereview.com

    Ill let you all read it, its just too good to spoil it with my take on it:

    Over the past few weeks, I’ve conducted a study to measure the effectiveness of match.com. I created 6 control groups that are designed to be representative of all match.com users. Over the course of one week, I measured the response rates of all 6 groups, in order to determine which group will receive the best user experience. The results may shock you, but they are designed to prove that online dating is most certainly not the most effective medium for men to meet women.
    The 6 control groups/profiles are as follows:
    there were 6 total profiles created, all in the same area in Washington DC. Each was posted during exactly the same week (7-day period) of July, 2007. Each profile has almost the same text description (obviously some text was altered for the different genders; however, the overall information is identical). The only difference between the profiles are attractiveness (for men and women), and height (for men only). There was no contact made by any of the profiles – this experiment was designed to measure the natural response that each profile will receive. The statistics in each profile are as follows:
    1. Attractiveness/Weight – varies 2. Height – 5’5″ for all women, varies for men 3. Income – All are 75k – 100k 4. Location – Washington DC 5. Everything else is constant
    The attractiveness of each profile is described below:
    1. F-1
    This female is extremely attractive, as rated by 10 males. Her average rating on a scale of 1-10 was a 9.37. Most would describe
    her as a clone of Angela Jolie.
    2. F-2
    This female is average, as rated by 10 males. Her average rating on a scale of 1-10 was a 6.78. She is about 10 lbs overweight,
    but in no way unattractive.
    3. F-3
    This female is a somewhat unattractive, as rated by 10 males. Her average rating on a scale of 1-10 was a 4.52. She is about 40
    lbs overweight, but not hideous.
    4. M-1
    This male is extremely attractive. He is 6’0″ and looks like Mc. Dreamy, as rated by 10 females. His average rating on a scale
    of 1-10 was a 8.44.
    5. M-2
    This male is average, as rated by 10 females. His average rating on a scale of 1-10 was a 6.13. He is still an average weight,
    but is only 5’9″ tall.
    6. M-3
    This male is also average as rated by 10 females. His average rating on a scale of 1-10 was a 5.65. He is only 5’7″ but still
    average weight. The only thing separating this male from M-2 is the height, in which he is 2 inches shorter.
    Here are the results over the period of 1 week:
    F-1 Winks: 2651 Emails: 752
    F-2 Winks: 2101 Emails: 721
    F-3 Winks: 985 Emails: 203
    M-1 Winks: 245 Emails: 68
    M-2 Winks: 11 Emails: 2
    M-3 Winks: 2 Emails: 0
    So the conclusions are:
    1. The attractive female (F-1) received 10x more response than the attractive male (M-1).
    2. The average female (F-1) still received almost as much response as the attractive female (F-2).
    3. The average males (M-2, M-3) received little to no response whatsoever.
    4. For the males, if your height is below 5’9″, you can expect almost no response.
    With that, happy match.com-ing!

    • Interesting report. I wonder how much the data has changed since 2007.

    • Tenacious_B on said:

      Wow, that explains a lot. I’m 5’7″ and consider myslef easy on the eyes, and fit. Yet gettting replies to my emails is like pulling teeth.

      • experimental on said:

        My most ideal, most perfect height when thinking about preferences for height alone would be 5’7″. 6’2″….that would be OKAY…I wouldn’t throw him out of the restaurant on a date or whatever, but not my ideal. Below 5’7″ would be OK too, coming up from 5’4″…but 5’7″ is most ideal. The easy on the eyes thing and the fit thing don’t really entice me any more than anything else (not any less either, just isn’t my top priority). Personality really is most important, and I think there are many women out there who are like that.

    • To NMH..wow,
      I am female on match.com. I am quite attractive…..I would like to have someone look at photos and judge for themselves. I have been on match.com for almost 3 months. I have rec’d about 30 winks……and not one, mind you not one email. If it was possible to categorize women as F1, F2 etc……….I definitely fall between F1 and F1…according to your experiment in D.C…..I should have gotten many many email.
      Could be due to these things…
      1. I am 51 yrs old….should be put out to pasture………well tell that to my brain. I was always very very pretty….at least an 8. But, I found that even in my prime years……dating was a pain and that pretty women don’t have it easy either. So, I guess even though men that I look for age 47-65 yr group…..still do not want me, they want the 35 yr old. I have had very handsome men look, average guys and not good looking…none have ever ever emailed.
      2. I live in Los Angeles…..competition must be stiff…………….but I cheated: I have a couple of times looked at womens profiles between 35-60 yrs old…only requested the slender, athletic or about average body types……..to see what kind of competition I had…..
      I did see some pretty women ( I am talking 100 mile radius of Los Angeles), but I was certainly just as pretty as the prettiest………..

      So…..not I am getting anattitude……….still not good enough that an average Joe that is 64-65 yrs old……WTF does he think that he is going to get some 30 yr old model….??

      Without seeing profile…..who could judge, only me. I am going to expire from match.com this week,,,,,would not spend another dime. All other sites are probably equally as ridiculous…..
      What do you think…comments welcome…
      PS…I now it is the age thingy. Every one will be old anyways, nothing you can do but die..

      • Altimanix on said:

        Perhaps you should try advertising your being receptive to being approached?
        What happens if you don’t use your best photos, use the ones that hide your looks a little?

      • Explorer on said:

        The hamster is strong with this one.

        “I did see some pretty women ( I am talking 100 mile radius of Los Angeles), but I was certainly just as pretty as the prettiest………..”

        So you’re as pretty, at 51, as the prettiest gal in her late 30s within 100 miles of Los Angeles? I think not.

  9. Paul on said:

    Hm, try this:
    “I’m 25 and a divorced mother of two girls. I’m very into photography. I love learning new things and am constantly trying to figure out ways to do or make or fix things myself. Im a very curious girl who wants to know everything, and how it works. im extremely random. I tend to bounce from subject to subject when talking. Most people find it hard to keep up with me….Hell i find it hard to keep up with me?
    Ive been in only 3 real relationships. Each one Completely Opposite from the last. The first one lasted 7 years and ended in a quiet divorce with no fights. The second one was the worst and lasted 2 LOOONG years. He really did a number on me. There was a lot of emotional turmoil and confusion, a huge lack of trust due to an abundance of lies and deception and more lies. And even physical abuse. And then my most recent…it was almost a year. I have nothing bad to say about it. Other then he couldn’t love me the way I feel love should be? I felt insecure with him and lonley and when I told him he just he knew?

    I am Sarcastic, random, and awkward

    its actually embarrassing to admit. I long for something real. Im tired of loving someone with my whole heart and receiving a black eye or a cruel word in return. i forgot what its like to be chased, Or to feel wanted. I wonder if there really is someone out there for me? I mean really? I dont want much? i only want honesty,respect,and loyalty. I want to be in a happy relationship. the kind of thing that makes people smile for u not frown”

    • It’s not awful and it’s written by a twenty-something. It’s actually kind of poignant in that regard.

      But she’s a single mom with two young kids… no comment.

      She’ll likely find a white knight beta kind of guy who loves her desperately but with whom there is no chemistry.

      • Question:

        If I’m a single dad [I received 100% custody in the settlement, two teenage boys] does that mean I am limited to dating only single moms for the most part? I ask because I’m not really interested in dating them because I don’t wish to contend with another man’s children or a parade or baby daddy, but at the same time I know that there will be many women that will disqualify me for the same thing. Perhaps I should not even provide that info as it’s technically none of her business until I decide to allow her time in my life. That is unless the woman specifically states in her profile that she’s not interested in a man with children.

      • Your situation is challenging. You won’t be limited to single mothers but those women will be the low-hanging fruit in the dating world. You should be honest that you have kids, you just don’t have to mention the full custody arrangement right away. If you indicate that you have kids, the assumption on her part is that you have them on a limited visitation schedule. Some online dating websites specifically ask if you have the kids all of the time or just part of the time. You might as well be honest or just shift to an online dating website that doesn’t ask for specifics regarding custody issues.

        A close family member of mine is a single father with two teenager daughters and he lives in a relatively small town. Dating has been a challenge to him.

        I strongly suspect that you will find yourself forming a soft harem of single mothers. As you kids get older and move away, you can start to limit your harem. Read my story about my step father’s wall calendar.

      • She’s so young, if I were her I’d take my time. She shouldn’t settle for someone she feels no chemistry for. Those relationships are one sided and eventually end up with both people feeling like if something is missing : hint “mutual” chemistry

  10. MY all time favorite, from a 45 year old woman who is about a high 6/low 7 but apparently thinks she is a 10:

    “……..If it is a gal in a dress and heels for whom you are searching, I can glam up with the best of them for a classy night on the town…”

    Jesus Christ, all profiles say this.Can youn think of something else? Oh that’s right, women are herd animals….

    “….I am a woman of ambition and confidence….”

    read: I don’t date losers.

    “…. I hold fast to good old fashioned morals and values…”

    read: He better be chivalrous and pick up the check.

    “…I am comfortable with a group of people or simply getting to know someone one-on-one over a cup of cappuccino. My fun-loving attitude propels me to seek adventure in every corner. What would make those experiences more exciting would be to share them with a special man whose appetite for fun is never satisfied…”

    Read: I am really projecting, MY appetite for fun must always be satisfied, or Ill dump you in a giffy.

    “The type of man who can win my heart is abundantly rich with morals and values”

    Read: Goddamn I keep repeating myself. OK, I’ll admit it: I so BADLY want an alpha who will commit and not fool around! Please! PLEASE!!!

    ” He is educated and capable of intelligent and engaging conversations on a host of topics.”

    Read: I expect that you will keep me entertained 100% of the time–I want a constant gina tingle. Oh, and you better be smarter and more interesting than me.

    ” He must enjoy life and wants to be part of it, and not watch is go by.”

    Read: I want an alpha go-getter; boring Beta’s need not apply.

    ” He must like to travel and that doesn’t mean watching the travel channel.”

    Read: Only worldly experienced men who can tell me enchanting stories of far away places need apply.

    “I want to be with a man who is respectful of his appearance and health as well as other people.”

    Read: Only men 6’0″ or taller can apply, but he better say that an overweight woman has her own special beauty.

    ” His attention to honesty and truth are evident, as he sincerely and confidently looks me in the eyes when we communicate.”

    read: I want ALPHA COCK. But he must commit, no matter how far down my looks degrade. PLEASE! PLEASE!!!

    The door is open to a new best friend in life. I hope if you are the one for me that you happily walk in. Maybe our first date can be one of those XXX football games…you know, the ones where you get to the parking lot early and commence the most fabulous of all football traditions: the tailgate! I’m game, are you?

    read: I will wait forever until prince charming arrives to make me into his perfectly structured life that includes his other alpha friends. I don’t want to make any effort, I want a man whose life I can fit into. I can’t wait to be the center of attention of the alpha friends, sipping mint julips at the tailgate party.

    Yes, this is standard faire from women in their mid 40’s who are quickly losing their looks where I live. *slaps hand on forehead*

  11. She will either rationalize that she’s happy being single or she will join a harem.

    Excellent analysis.

    I have read so many profiles that I simply can’t tell them apart due to the lack of creativity. I also suspect that most guy’s profiles are equally uncreative.

    • Judging from her photo, I doubt a 45 year old alpha would include her in his harem. She is a high 6 for a woman her age, but about a 4 for adult women. She might get a pump and dump from a drunk 45 year old professional man, but possibly could be included in a harem of a 60 year old alpha man.

      She doesn’t seem to realize she does not have the looks for an alpha her age, which she clearly wants. Again, standard faire for aging soccer mom’s.

  12. Before I forget…my all-time favorite Headline for a demale profile on Match.com (from a middle 8 who was 47):

    “Looking for a Bad-Boy with Boy Scout qualities.”

    Boy, that says it all. Years ago I would have not understood this but it now its perfectly clear after taking the red pill.

    What I notice is that there is a nearly perfect positive correlation between a woman’s SMV and her demand for an alpha that will commit. All women want this, but the lower the woman’s SMV, the more willing she to accept a man whom is not that.

  13. Another one, from a 44 year old Asian woman whose looks are clearly hitting the wall. Probably was a mid-8 when she was 25-30, but now would be lucky to be assigned a 6. All misspellings are included:

    “I am a healthy (sexy) woman has positive spirite (sic), an active, enquiring (sic) mind. who’s warm and funny, confident and has a wicked laugh.”

    Read: I am an alpha female. Of course I am, I am ASIAN.

    “I am smart and has a great personality. Who’s fun to be with and someone you can trust. I always makes people feel comfortable and feel good around me.”

    Read: projection, projection, projection! I want people TO THINK these things about me, even if they are not true!

    “In my life, I want to see more, do more, be more. Also help people around me to do the same. especially my two successful kids”

    Read: yes, I have two SUCCESSFUL kids, and so they need a role model of a SUCCESSFUL man, and NOT the LOSER father who made a salary that was less then mine! Also, if you are a SUCCESSFUL man, we will be able to see more, do more…I mean, SPEND MORE. MORE! MORE!

    “I relly [sic] are the luckist [sic] woman in the world. I am looking for someone who has a similar personality to share the rest of my life with. When the God close one door, and must open another window for you. Good luck, May the light always be with you. ”

    Read: I know that since you clicked on my gorgeous picture to read my profile that you must be an alpha male, and so I have nothing but sweet eastern well wishes for you! Now, if you happen to be a beta like my loser former husband, than FUCK OFF LOSER!

  14. Almost forgot: the profile of the Asian woman described above has the headline “I am glorious, you are champion!”

    Jesus fucking christ: I’m getting tired of all these woman wanting alpha cock and thinking they have the looks to get it, when they6 don’t.

  15. And another, from a 48 year old woman with an attractive enough face who apparently is about average weight for around here (ie, mildly obese): Some of this is boilerplate but I love the way she shames men for wanting a physically fit woman. All misspellings intact:

    “Im only 5’0 tall. I have several pounds to lose. I have a cute face. i’m not ugly! I like to have fun and make the people around me have fun. I like to make people happy and enjoy our friendship. I’m looking for a male friend to talk to and get to know. Then if things go good maybe more. I’m not one to jump into marriage, been there anddone that. I have great friends. I enjoy my job. I’m not lazy, I beleve you have to work for what you want. I’m looking for a caring, loving man that will accept me as I am. He wants to have fun and enjoy life. I want a man that has a great heart and is willing to share with me great times. If your hung up on a skinny cold ***** then I’m not that .I a very caring person. I have a lot to offer a good man. I look for not what is on the outside so much as for what you have on the inside, compassion, caring loving, honest man. I HAVE ONLY BEEN ON HEAR FOR A SHORT TIME AND I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW MEN ARE SO UNKIND AND SELFISH THAT THEY ONLY CARE ABOUT THE OUTSIDE LOOKS IF YOU ARE A REAL MAN AND TAKE THE TIME YOU MIGHT REALIZE THAT LOOKS ON THE OUT SIDE DONT MAKE U HAPPY. THIS IS SO HURTFUL TO THINK MEN DONT HAVE COMPASSION, CARING GENUINE ,HONEST FEELINGS TO SHARE . I’M ON FOR 1 MORE WEEK AND I HOPE YOU MEN WILL READ THIS AND THINK BEFORE YOU JUDGE SOMEONE FROM THE OUTSIDE IN.. I BELIEVE IF YOU FALL FOR WHAT IS ON THE INSIDE YOU AND MADE A GREAT FRIEND AND COMPANION.”

    I have little doubt when she was young and slender, she got attractive guys interested in her. Now that she’s overweight and doesn’t get the attention she used to she is shaming men for using standards that she likely previously used on men. Payback’s a bitch, ain’t it?

  16. Hughman on said:

    “HEY IM [name redacted] IM 19 ,

    IM FROM BIRMINGHAM (SHARD END) I DONT TRUST MANY PPL.
    IM DOWN TO EARTH N KEEP MY SELF TO MYSELF.
    IM NOT THE MOST BRIGHTEST OR PRETTIEST FLOWER OF THE BUNCH!
    . I DNT WANT ANY CREEPS TO MESSGAE ME ! THNX
    I PREFER MEN TO BE MEN RATHER THAN A PRETTY BOY
    I HAVE SELF RESPECT ND FOR OTA PPL:
    LOVE MY WEEKENDS
    DONT LIKE PPL THAT TAKE THEMSELFS TO SERIOUSLY.
    I DNT GO OUT THT MUCH NO MORE IM ON THIS FOR A BIT OF FUN
    .

    …. missbubbly-08@hotmail.co.uk xx [emoticon of a drinking]”

    It’s a double shame because she’s actually got a cracking body, and an acceptable face.

    • Ah, sweet ignorant youth.

      I’d like to see something like that written by someone over 40 years old.

      • Hughman on said:

        I’d say half of the good looking girls on PoF below the age of 21 have profiles in a similar style in part of the world. Poorly written, very little info, what little there is generic bullshit ‘I like clubbing, my girls, drinking’, usually some hate at assholes. Quite depressing really. I message them on occasion just to practise writen Game. Very rarely reply, and at first I thought I must be failing somewhere. Then the few that did are in the 9 band on the whole, and even they seem intimidated, not talkative at all in the sense of asking questions, but will reply even to simple one-word Game.

        (Not enough data from n<6 beauty and above 21s, as I don't look at them.)

  17. This profile is not exactly awful, but this is what you dealing with if you are wanting to date a younger attractive woman: She is 38, an age adjusted high 8.5, cute face, nice body, athletic/toned which is probably a correct assessment from herself (surprise!), Sets her age range for a man from 28 to 55. The thing is she sets her income requirement for a man at $75,000/ year or greater:

    “OK, so this is the part where I’m supposed to divulge enough information about myself to spark interest from others…

    I am a very outgoing, upbeat, positive person who knows what she wants out of life. I enjoy a broad range of things, from going to the movies to visiting a museum. I’m very diverse with most everything.

    As for who I am seeking, my ideal mate would be one who is also outgoing, considerate, smart and driven. He’s successful in what he does and he knows what he wants out of life. He has morals that are no longer found with people these days and he knows how to treat a lady with respect. My ideal mate is also one who can be versatile… hiking one minute, enjoying the Caribbean the next. Does this sound like you? ”

    Yup. If you are an older guy and you want a physically attractive woman, it comes at a price. Her price is what $75,000/year salary can give her. Very typical around here.

    • experimental on said:

      You are awesome, calling 38 younger! I really couldn’t get past the joy of reading that to the rest of your comment. 🙂 On a slightly more serious note, I can send her a guy who would probably put up with anything you find completely undesirable to be with a younger physically attractive woman. Some men are all about that.

  18. Twenty on said:

    A fun game to play when reading women’s profiles is to ask yourself before every sentence: “How would being with this woman make my life better?”, and then mentally clip out any lines that don’t address the question.

    It’s amazing just how short most profiles become after this operation. One has to wonder why women write so damn much about everything except why a man would want to date them.

    It’s almost as if, having been told they’re special little snowflakes their entire lives, they don’t quite realize that they have to attract men on more than a superficial level, if they want more than superficial interest (i.e., the old in-and-out).

    Here’s one, picked more-or-less at random (chica is a chubby 36y/o 5):

    People who know me would say I’m a caring, loving and outgoing person. I have many great friends and wonderful family that are very important to me.

    I enjoy dinners with friends, wine tasting, skiing, wakeboarding, concerts, traveling and watching movies. I’m a huge [baseball team] and [football team] fan and love going to games!

    I’m looking for a strong, honest, loyal man and a partner in crime to have fun with and hopefully make a lasting connection.

    Want to know more just ask….

    Let’s see:
    People who know me would say I’m a caring, loving and outgoing person. Okay … you claim you’re “caring, loving and outgoing”. Vague and unverifiable, but sort of relevant.

    I have many great friends and wonderful family that are very important to me. How nice for you. Snip.

    I enjoy dinners with friends, wine tasting, skiing, wakeboarding, concerts, traveling and watching movies. Okay, some shit you like. As opposed to, what? All those people who hate dining with friends? Snip.

    I’m a huge [baseball team] and [football team] fan and love going to games! More shit you like. Are you under the impression most men need a woman to take to sporting events? Snip.

    I’m looking for a strong, honest, loyal man and a partner in crime to have fun with and hopefully make a lasting connection. Things you want. Great. Snip.

    Want to know more just ask…. Filler. Snip.

    So, we’re left with … what? Chica says she’s “caring” and “loving”. So’s everyone, to those they care and love. But that’s it.

    I maintain that 99% of women’s profiles are awful because the little dears just can’t bring themselves to understand that they need to give men a reason to date them. But since, as an earlier comment pointed out, even the bow-wows get hundreds of e-mails, it’s a forgivable error.

    • experimental on said:

      Twenty, your game of asking yourself “How would being with this woman make my life better?” before every sentence is VERY useful in trying to write a good profile. Thanks for the insight! And I was literally laughing out loud at all of the snipping going on, after every snip. Thanks for the laugh, too.

  19. Yet another, from a 46 age-adjusted 6-7 (only one pic). Its pretty clear why she is divorced:

    “I am a mixture of sweet and spicy – sweet enough to be kind and loving, but spicy enough to have a wickedly sarcastic sense of humor. Truth is, I’m just a nice girl (most of the time) who’s looking for the right man that not only fascinates me but also brings out the best in me. I love funny guys who can hold me spellbound with a story or make me laugh until I cry.If you’re comfortable in your own skin, have a strong sense of self and aren’t afraid to expose your flaws, I’m sure we’ll get along just fine. The man for me is one who shares my views on love, family and friends. I would only have eyes for you and you only have eyes for me. Is it you? ”

    She’s an excitement junkie, and boy if you don’t have her entranced with a fantastic story, she will unleash the sarcasm. I bet she cut her ex husband to shreds when he dared to be boring to her.

    One thing Ive learned is that women think sarcasm is a real sense of humor. No, its incredibly unfeminine because its cruel, especially if its directed at a person.

    • redbaron68 on said:

      This woman is crazy and insecure. All sorts of sign of BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) in her profile. She wants you to be comfortable in her own skin but isn’t thus falls back on sarcasm. You, as the guy, will be comfortable in your own because you are an overly “Nice guy” who will put up with her sarcastic remarks for some pussy. The cruel sarcasm is allows her to split (jump from adoring you to cutting your balls off), she needs to be constantly entertained (Attention deficit disorder, which is very typical of BPD). She will probably do anything you want in bed if she decides she wants to win you over (which she will because she can’t stand to be alone). All that shit is BPD. Stay the hell away from these women! Sorry had to pipe in on this one….just finished dating one.

    • That blurb is boiler plate. I’ve just noticed it’s use becoming more common along with “I like a bad boy, who can push me to my limits and pull back at the last minute with a hug”, and many more, etc. Where are women finding these blurbs? Are they just plagarizing each other with no known original source? Or is there a helpful site telling them all what we might like to read?

    • experimental on said:

      I have found that a lot of guys are sarcastic. I really don’t care so much for sarcasm. It’s tolerable sometimes. I guess every now and then, it could be funny and ok and maybe even a good thing if used the right way. But I, personally, don’t like the idea of someone being cut to the bone and shamed, especially in front of others, and that is the way sarcasm is often used. It is also used sometimes by people who are trying to belittle others and make them feel inferior, trying to assert a sense of superiority over them. I’m sorry, but I am just not a huge fan of sarcasm at all, but I seem to be in a huge minority there with that one. Sarcasm just seems to be so biting and negative…too much for me. I’d rather be positive and optimistic…and especially in my relationships with others, I like there to be good between us. I would rather a guy use his mouth for making a comment that makes me feel good about myself…or other things 😉 ;-)…rather than for cutting me down, being condescending towards me, or trying to bring me down to size. Sorry, but that is just the way i see it. I really don’t care much for sarcasm at all. I’d rather people be pleasant yet straightforward in their interactions with each other.

  20. Found one the other day on OKCupid. Can’t find the exact one now but the gist of it was:

    Single mom of two at age 21.
    Whole profile language was spelled in gang-ese: Whatz Up!, Yo, Yo.., Trippin’g Dogz.
    Summary or her profile message was that being a single mom is hard and that she was tired of doing it on her own. Was looking for a “homey” [no shit] that would be dependable and help her with her babies. [At least she was honest]

    The most priceless part was that she had photos posted up of her throwing gang signs. Nice.

    • Oh forgot to mention, this was a white girl, about a 5.0-5.75, face was about a 7 but she was chubby so gets downgraded. She might have been a solid 7 or 7.5 before she got the baby making body. Someone should have hit the gym after pumping out the bastard children. Yummy.

  21. Another winner:

    For a 31 year old woman she’s astonishingly immature:

    http://www.plentyoffish.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=14872200

    I’ve also noticed that so many hot women come across as childish, stupid and vain. Some appear smoking hot, but sound utterly idiotic (maybe because they are). I hope my profile doesn’t sound like some of these morons.

    • “I’ve also noticed that so many hot women come across as childish, stupid and vain. Some appear smoking hot, but sound utterly idiotic (maybe because they are). ”

      It’s because too many men let her be childish, stupid, and vain.

    • But she’s got a rockin’ body. Puts the 31 year old womanatee’s where I live (the Ohio Valley) to shame, much more the warpigs my age.

      Love those boots. Perhaps she is consulting with that annoying narcissist “Wifey”.

      She probably has Herpes; but is too stupid to know, though (“What? Is that acne around my gina again? Ill just put Clearasil on it”)

      • NMH, you would shit yourself at the plethora of babeage in Van. Her body is much better than her face, which is a 5 at best. Womanatees do exist, but are rare here. Lots of zaftig chicks that still have it and if they lose weight will bump themselves up at least 1 degree.

        The Ohio Valley is a day’s drive from Montreal. Take a trip to Quebec at least once, and you’ll understand why Ferdinand Bardamu loves it so much. Quebecoises (Female Quebeckers) really are something else. Their manner is just lightyears different from the usual bullshit.

      • Who is Wifey?

      • Yea, Ive heard good things about the women in Rain-couver.

        Wifey = http://theslutwife.wordpress.com/

      • experimental on said:

        “My husband is happier than yours”…oh my! Well, maybe…

      • experimental on said:

        MW, I wonder if that has to do with the French influence, because you know…French women don’t get fat. French is also very sophisticated, but I won’t get into that…it just kind of pertains to something you said. On a side note, I met a guy from Quebec – Montreal once while vacationing in Florida. He was awesome, and he and I kept in touch for a long time, corresponding after that. I really regret losing contact with him and miss the interaction. But oh well…c’est la vie! Maybe I’ll by chance run into him on one of these dating sites some day.

  22. And another, a 42 year old, age adjusted 8.8, very girly-girl (short skirts, high heels)–unfortunately, this is the kind of look that I’m into, but usually whose personalities turn me off due to the excessive entitlement. She does not fail in that category:

    “I am attracted to confident men that are ambitious and know what they want in life but yet have ethics and morals that guide him to always do what is right.
    I love men that have a general knowledge of a little of just about anything. Arrogants (sic) is good but I despice (sic) cockiness. I am searching for a man that is mature but yet knows how to have fun. He must be strong for those times that I go weak, to be patient when I am being a little hard to handle. I want to be able to look at him and know that I am the one he longs for and desires in everyway. I am searching for my soul mate. But until he lands in my lap then I would love to find someone to chill with and just enjoy each others company.

    *Groan* Another girl who requires tight game to control, who probably loses the gina tingle and any sign of weakness. The more attractive they are, the more they are like that.

  23. Flower White on said:

    I love reading what men really thingkabout women and the realities of aging and dating.

    Alpha male harem, ha ha ha, it’s to laugh, I’ll say. As If. Only loser chicks and fat ladies go for that nonsense

    But …I’ve used tips here to reformat my dating profile. So thanks alot.

    Yes I’m 40 … ish. Heh. Slim not skinny, hah. Deleted my OK Cupid profile, just too many men over 50 behaving like 14 year old boys. Been through it all online …the flakes, the fast-forwarders, the men who want sex so badly that I have to ask them:why not just hire a sex worker?

    I notice that attractive men have the habit of bringing up sex in their profile.

    DUH! Dogs like trucks men like sex women love shopping.
    It’s tacky to announce this it makes you seem like a chump.
    Like, I I wrote in my profile that I love shopping (I don’t), most men would take me for a golddigger.

    What then, do we ladies do with men who write that sex is an important part of their lives!
    Ha! Even dumb loser chicks know that men have sex with women that they don’t even like and have no plans for a future with.

    Thanks for the rant.

    Oh, by the way, I’m currently on a “niche” site for interracial dating. I let the men approach me. I do reply to all, even to tell them good luck, we want different things. Still, men that are way too old for me and live much too far away, contact me. Don’t men read? I digress.
    Goodbye!

    • Alpha male harem, ha ha ha, it’s to laugh, I’ll say. As If. Only loser chicks and fat ladies go for that nonsense

      And so will you if you find an alpha.

      Based on how you write, I would say that you are in your 20s.

    • detinennui32 on said:

      We have no use for snowflakes. Sorry, there’s nothing special about you.
      I detect that this person chooses to use deception in an online dating profile. Who’d a thunk?
      See one of Roissy’s maxims (I paraphrase): If the woman has an incentive to lie, she will choose lying every. single. time.

  24. This is the most direct profile I’ve seen. But the pic doesn’t match the ethnicity…I smell a scam. A big headache

    http://www.plentyoffish.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=27170301

    This one has an interesting take:

    http://www.plentyoffish.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=25880940

  25. Annnnnnddd of course, the very picky eater (couldn’t resist, sorry):

    http://www.plentyoffish.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=16681569

    Wow, where’s Solomon when you need him? or Rhett Butler.

    • Her interests include “cheesecake”. Fat-ass as soon as she gets married.

      • Doubtful, she’s Chinese. Even if they chub out, they still only look like a zaftig 130lb white chick. If she has curves to begin with, the weight will be in all the right places. The rare fat Asian chick is a true tragedy. I expect white chicks to put on weight with age and reallllly pork out. But an Asian who’s let herself go seems much more of a disappointment to me.

    • My Name Is Jim on said:

      Jesus H God, is this woman defensive much? I made it through about 5 lines before concluding no mortal could penetrate those b—h shields.

    • My Name Is Jim on said:

      I mean, she says straight up that “your opinion doesn’t matter whatsoever.” Well she sure is honest about it isn’t she, the pathetic thing is she’ll get hundreds of replies anyway. Men have gone much too easy on women for way too long, and this is the bitter fruit it bears.

    • Blissex on said:

      The best line in the profile is: «but I wouldn’t date a scaredy cat anyways.»

      Because she will “date” a lot of cats when she will be 30-40 if she keeps the attitude.

      Other fabulous lines (and just the nickname she has chosen “shutyourmouth” is a classic in itself):

      «Move along if [ … ] you are into girls with big/fake nasty tits, or have wandering eyes when you’re in a relationship» (I have no tits and am insecure if you look at other girls who got tits).

      «I’m a perfectionist and a little neurotic…I can be really particular or super random » (I am a crazy bitch, and I hope that perfect guys just dig them)

      «I’m not a pet fan, but I’m starting to tolerate small, not too yippy dogs» (I am learning so I’ll love cats when I am 30-40)

      Then the usual “hot bastard, but sweet and nice” dream:

      «a true gentleman (chivalry isn’t dead) with a spine» «charismatic (but not fake or a player)» «as confident as you are humble/modest»

      Another gem:

      «had bfs owe me $$$ before, not cool!» (so she had bf who was sponging off her, the hamster is muscular in this one).

  26. Here’s a real winner from a mid-30s woman in Boca Raton, Florida. She’s actually quite attractive, age adjusted 8. This is an actual cut and paste from part of her profile, nothing has been changed:

    Horrifying stuff…
    I have:
    2 ex-husbands, 5 children ranging from 3 to 16, a slew of annoying, loud, obnoxious, but occasionally fun family members that have no understanding of social or political correctness… And no pets. I’m not an animal person. Go figure. The amount of animal-like people that surround me more than compensate.
    A really bad temper and swear like a truck driver.
    A very small sense of self control in regard to some things.

    I don’t:
    Work (yet or at the moment, whichever sounds better to you), like to lose or be wrong, answer phone calls or messages in a timely fashion, typically arrive on time, care what strangers (or just people I don’t like) think.

    Things I don’t like:
    Being wrong or told what to do, work, working out, camping (who came up with this concept?!), missing my favorite shows because the stupid TiVo didn’t record it for some bizarrely inexplicable reason, loud, obnoxious, rude people – unless related. They get a free pass, but I’ve reached my quota.
    There’s more but after re-reading this, I don’t even like myself much, so if you’ve made it this far, bravo.

    Five kids
    Two ex husbands
    Bad temper
    Not classy
    Emotional control issues
    Unemployed
    Doesn’t return phone calls
    Arrives late
    Arrogant (doesn’t like losing or being wrong)

    She doesn’t like pets so she won’t be a cat herder later in life, just miserable and alone.

    • Blissex on said:

      I have a completely different take on this profile, and that it is good and humble. Because she is obviously being sincere and doing a fairly full disclosure (unless she is omitting even worse details) with even a sense of self deprecating humour.

      She is an average person with a messy life, but at least she is self aware and fairly open. She does not seem to hate men, or to be an entitled princess, and she is aware of her character flaws, and not proud of them (“I don’t even like myself much”).

      Obviously her profile is not very palatable, but she gets points for being human instead of pretending to be a special unique snowflake. I guess that dealing with the 2 ex husbands, the 5 kids, the annoying relatives has sandpapered away the pretensions…

      • M.W. on said:

        She may be being sincere and humble, but the problem isn’t her profile – it’s her. It’s like saying “I have AIDS” in a profile. Sincere? Ok. Humble? If you want. But so what – at the end of the day, you have goddamn AIDS. Or five kids and two ex-husbands, as the case may be.

      • That’s fine and dandy that she’s being upfront, but to be mid-30s, trying to “be one of the guys” and not doing a damn thing to better herself for her kids..well, those kids show grown up well with the three dads between them all.

      • experimental on said:

        Blissex, nice to hear you say good things about a profile and somebody. I could say the same about some of the other profiles I have read here…that there are nice things about them and it’s hard to understand people dogging them. But I can see with this one why it may be unattractive to some. The first thing that caught my eye was her “hating to be wrong” and hating to work out. I guess it’s a good thing she is being upfront and putting it out on the table, letting it all hang out, and letting you know about the mess in her life, but sometimes, it’s good to tuck things in a little bit when it comes to dating. And the thing about “I don’t like myself much.” I mean, that’s humbling, I suppose, and for some could be appealing, but I see a lack of self-esteem there, which could bring about trust and confidence issues, could bring jealousy issues and drama into the relationship, and there are other ways that it might not be beneficial to pursue someone with a low self-esteem if you are interested in dating.

    • NMH on said:

      Lemme guess: her “business” was being a porn star 20 years ago with the screen name “Alexis Groove”.

      Talk about a woman demanding the gina tingle. When they are older and are in the top 5% (for her age) like this woman, the only man that will please her is George Clooney.

      Ive heard South Florida is full of these types.

      • South Florida is indeed full of these types. As I am not George Clooney, they pretty much ignore me online.

        But I can get ’em to deal with me via day/night Game.

      • Blissex on said:

        «demanding the gina tingle.»

        Uhmmm she is actually demanding a lot of money for a very, very expensive lifestyle. She claims that she is low maintenance, because she was raised on a farm, but her lifestyle sounds extremely expensive, thus «TOTALLY Financially Secure You should be too!». Whatever her business was she gives (or wants to give) the impression that she sold out and is retired now with enough money to afford her lifestyle.

        Her target is basically a very well preserved retired 50-55yo investment banker or businessman with around $10m in their retirement funds after accumulating bonuses or selling their business. Why ever a retired wealthy well preserved 50-55yo alpha guy would want to have a long term commitment to a woman like that and their own age (however well preserved) instead of getting a series of 25-30yo nymphettes is a question that probably she hasn’t consciously asked herself yet.

        As to expensive, just consider how much her housepets would cost (suitably grand house with large park around it, and even just consider daily food expenses):

        «1 Teddy Bear Pomeranian named Jumpin Jacks
        1 Asian Leopard named Jasmine Jolie
        1 Maine Coon named Jaggy James
        »

        Less high maintenance girls have much cheaper cats as children replacement.

        There is also such sadness in this choice of pets, in her case her devastation at not having children is obvious in the choice of pets and their names. Probably her dream as a farm girl was to have two boys to be called James and Jack and a girl to be called Jolie, but then creating a sellable business and running out of time…

        «I’d rather be single, happy, and content then in a miserable relationship.»

        I am afraid this sounds like that she is cougaring extensively, and she would give up her weekly input of young cocks only for her ideal same age target in a committed long term relationship. Odds are that she will continue to provide NSA fun for a lot of local hunks for some more years. If she is unlucky when her looks and age eventually limit her chances to continue pulling young cock she may meet a charismatic young conman who will strip her of all her money in exchange for temporary validation.

        Another possibility is that her retirement funds have taken a battering in the depression and/or she is afraid of losing them ina Madoff style story, so she is looking for a financially secure partner for extra safety.

      • Brilliant analysis, Blissex

  27. I like to keep this thread/post alive…

    Here’s another, direct from South Florida.

    Headline: “Trading in bad boys for one good man”

    She’s 40 and a “mental health therapist”

    She is indeed attractive, if that’s her real photo.

    Some text: “I have 5 children, they mean the world to me and I am looking for someone who enjoys children. I am confident and independent, I am happy with my life and looking for someone to share my time with.”

    Five children?!?!? Um… the bad boys took her hard and left her pregnant.

    Translated: I want a beta White Night provider to cover for my piss-poor man picker.

  28. Here’s a good one, from a girl I would rate a 6 on OkCupid:

    Her self summary:

    “I suck at relationships. First and foremost. I’m a perfectionist, I’m demanding, and most of all-I’m picky. I’m an analytical chemist and just graduated in chemistry, neuroscience, and biology. Looks like law school after this, but right now? I don’t want to do jack shit. I’m small, but vicious. I don’t take any sass, but I’ll readily give it. I love my friends, but I would sacrifice them any day for my own personal entertainment. ”

    Things people first notice about her:

    “I’m hot. It happens.”

    And dear god, the mother load- “You should message me if”:

    “In light of recent events, I felt that perhaps it would behoove me to create a “dating disclaimer” if you will.

    *Disclaimer-La’Cee reserves the right to end this date at ANY time during the night. If you are at a location where La’Cee often frequents, she reserves the right to still regularly attend such social occasion-untainted by your supreme suck ass-ness. If this date ends extremely poorly, do not expect La’Cee to a) keep your phone number; b) stay friends with you; c) recognize you at some later date and pretend to be best pals with you. Also, if CoCo does not like you-forfeiture is the best decision for you.

    Dating Application:

    I verify that I am not:
    A) a douchebag
    B) a tool
    C) sex crazed

    I verify that I will not at anytime:
    A) comment on La’Cee’s bra size as she is well aware that they are there and they did not pop up over night like “hey, how did these get in here?”…
    B) refer to my junk
    C) inform La’Cee that your junk is pierced (WTF?!)
    D) propose
    E) comment that my father is a senator…over and over and over….
    F) give La’Cee flowers that she is miserably ALLERGIC to.
    G) comment on how extremely super awesome I am…over and over and over…
    H) let my dog eat La’Cee’s designer shoes.
    I) cry while on the date.
    J) Make La’Cee a mixtape including, but not limited to: “Take Me Home Tonight” and anything by Phil Collins.
    K) Have a giant pot leaf tattoo right next to my dick.
    J) Take me to a dinner at the home of the midwife who delivered you where I then watch her act out your birth story.

    Signature: ________________________

    That sad part about this is that these are all based on a true story. FML.

    Suggestions for additions? Let me know!

    Also-there is another girl on here who uses this disclaimer. How lame is she for stealing my facebook note-AND she told me?! Liz Schmid is retarded. Get your own info. “

    • Holy fuck. From a 6? *slams whiskey shot down throat*

    • detinennui32 on said:

      oh my God. Get. Away. From. Me.

    • detinennui32 on said:

      Do you mean to tell me that people actually WRITE shit like this on online dating sites? And expect replies?

    • detinennui32 on said:

      DO you mean to tell me people actually write these things in profiles? And expect replies?

    • experimental on said:

      lol. I kind of don’t get the quiz/application part. What are you supposed to do? Initial every one? Check every one? It seems from the way it is written that that is what you are supposed to do, but in school, questions written like that were multiple choice questions, and you were supposed to choose ONE as the “right” answer. But this looks like it is a list of things you aren’t supposed to do? (or are supposed to do). My response to this one right off was…wtf??????! The name doesn’t really sound like a “hot girl” to me either…but maybe a name is really just a name.

  29. This is from a 40 year old who is cute in the face but is about 60 lbs overweight. You can tell she got a lot of attention when she was younger (If she was slender): She has a lot of high hopes for a future man:

    I am full of life, love and happiness looking to share it with someone who will reciprocate the same. I am looking for someone motivated, knows what he wants, and is not afraid to go after it and get it.

    Read: I want alpha, of course

    I fulfilled one of my life long dreams, and looking to fulfill another. I am not looking to sit back and watch life go by, I enjoy it to the fullest, and want someone that wants the same. I maybe forty, but age is a state of mind, and my mind is set at 30, hahaha. All my cohorts in crime are younger than me and I often forget I am the age I am. I look to be with someone younger than me, someone with adventure and spontaneity. I want to wake up each day elated to be in love!

    Read: I want to be a cougar. Wanna love that young, alpha cock.

    This is really pretty standard wher I live.

  30. I am awesome. I tried writing a profile that was all modest, but in the end, it just wasn’t me. It’s not arrogance or even confidence, it’s cheeky bravado.

    I’m pretty darn smart and witty, but not in that annoying way that comes off as bitchy/stuck bitch.
    I’m a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl, but I rock heels and a dress. I don’t mind getting dirty, but I love bubble bath.
    I make my bed every morning, I don’t drink coffee, and I like my cows grass fed and medium rare.

    I am an atheist, and still one of the most moral and compassionate people you’ll ever meet. I’m the rare breed of woman that is both fair and logical.

    I play softball, love football (NY Giants!), and am learning how to box. Because of a bad injury (concert mishap) I can’t run on hard surfaces, but I’m pretty speedy.

    You’ll just have to ask if you want to know more.

    You should message me if:
    You are tall, have a cute butt, and you are a man of action.
    Please don’t even bother if you think you’re anything less than a decent human being.

    Dealbreakers:
    1. Under 5’9″ (sorry… just being honest here, don’t want to waste your time or mine)
    2. Uber religious (sorry, you can’t convert me)
    3. You waste my time with your wishy washy bullshit.
    4. Allergic to cats. Sorry, they were here first.
    5. General stupidity, bigotry, ignorance, etc.

    Dealmakers:
    1. You cook things that involve more than a box and water.
    2. You have a big dog. I’m talking pitbull, mastiff, great dane, mini-pony.
    3. You have the ability to sociaize sober.
    4. Women other than your mother have called you a catch.
    5. You moonlight as a ninja.

    • She sounds pretty cool assuming she’s hot.

    • RufusT on said:

      This bimbo’s into beastiality…..That Sh*t is growing by leaps & bounds among today’s sexually liberated “with it gals”, both gay & straight…The euphemism among those in the know is “animal husbandry”…..The animals she specifies are among the favorites among that set…….Really……

      • experimental on said:

        I don’t really get the references to fashion in a lot of these profiles. I don’t see myself putting anything in a profile that has to do with fashion. As far as I know, MOST of the men in fashion are GAY men…and that would be fine if I was a gay men trying to attract a gay man, but I’m just simply not. I guess the girls who write stuff like that are just trying to get your hormones going by trying to have you imagine them in high heels, because it is the impression a lot of women have that men feel high heels are a sexual invite. Anyway. Learning how to box – so she can kick your butt! Either that, or, she’s had an abusive relationship OR is afraid of getting into an abusive relationship and wants to know how to defend herself if she has to. I guess everyone has their preferences when it comes to height. I don’t really get the “you have to be 5’9” or taller”…but I feel that I am not “cursed” to be so tall that I have to expect this in my partner, and I feel blessed to be short enough to be cool with shorter guys. Because there are some cool shorter guys out there with great personalities, and it would be a shame to have to miss out on them because I was so tall and had a high standard when it came to a guy’s height.

  31. Adriana on said:

    I am amazed about how few women really understand or get it. What about their feminine side, what about their soft side, what about showing a man that he is valued and offer him a safe place to land. And, what about their love of self. I don’t see any of these profiles stating any of the qualities a man would want. I know men crave these things from the women in their lives…they just can’t get it from their friends. These profiles read like desperate, overfunctioning women who will do all the work and offer you a place to “land”.

    Now that I have found you and am a woman in a mans world, I shall continue to learn. I look forward to this. Maybe I’ll come back and share my profile with you all. 🙂

    • In your own online dating profile, write the top 10 reasons why you would make an excellent romantic partner for a man.

      Start each reason with the word “You” so you reframe a list like this to put the focus on the potential partner. For example:

      “I will be a comfortable place for you to rest your head when you are weary.” becomes:

      “You will have a comfortable place to rest your head when you are weary.”

      While the difference might seem rather subtle, such a change in focus can have a tremendous impact. I man reading such a sentence will likely be thinking “she’s putting me as the focus in her life”. That’s quite an impression and very unique in the current cultural climate of selfishness.

      • M.W. on said:

        I’ve been in the manosphere so long I just wouldn’t believe it. Also: who uses the word “weary”?

    • experimental on said:

      Just to address the complaints about too many profiles emphasizing a “masculine” side and not a feminine side, I am afraid that is the fault of a lot of guys. Maybe not you guys on this site, but those elsewhere. This has been very informative to me, and very interesting to read and learn from. But in the past, I can’t tell you how many guys in life in general have told me things like, “I’d love to meet a girl who can just be one of the guys.”…and…”I wish more girls were into sports and I could share that with my woman.”…and…”I’d like a girl who could get down and dirty and play in the dirt.”…and the list goes on and on. Exacerbating the situation is current shows, such as “Rules of Engagement”…the times that the characters get their woman to go to sporting events and love it, encourage it, etc. That’s not the only show that portrays this, but the only one that comes to mind right now. And supposedly, Art imitates life. Food for thought.

  32. Adriana on said:

    Mine does say ..” You will always have a safe place to land, safe in the knowing that you will never be judged or betrayed for sharing your secrets with me.
    Although you have already given me some more ideas. I wrote mine from the very most feminine part of me..a complete and total rewrite but I am sensing that it would safe to go deeper with that.

    The above sentance in my previous post should have read: ” and will not offer a man a safe place to land.”

  33. Barf bag anyone?

    .:: *hEy! ii’M eMiLy hMm.. i dOn’T kNo wHeRe tO bEgIn!?!? i aM MaJoRiNg iN gRaPhiC DeSiGn aNd MiNoRiNg iN MaRkEtiNg. cOmMuNiCaTiOnS && MaNaGeMeNt .. ii hAvE rEaLLy bLuE eYeS.. i aM a bRuNeTtE.. iM LiKE 5’5.. ii LoVe tO gO ShOpPiiNg.. & mY BiRtHdAy iS oN ApRiL 2o! i LoVe rUnNiNg.. VeRy RaReLy dO i gEt mAd.. mY FaMiLy mEaNs tHe wOrLd tO mE.. ii LoVe LaTe NiiTe hEaRt~tO~hEaRtS WiiTh mY gUrLs.. ii WaNnA dAnCE & KiiSs iiN tHe rAiiN.. i LoVe MuSiC.. fArM gUrL aT hEaRt.. bOnFiReS aRe sAwEeT.. sAtUrDaY mOrNiNg cArToOnS aRe tHa bEsT.. ii LoVe tHe CoLoR PiiNk.. i LoVe rOcKiiN’ oUt.. i LoVe gOiN’ oN rOaDtRiiPs.. i LoVe SnOwBoArDiNg.. iM pReTtY sHy bUt cAn bE LoTtS oF fUn.. LoVe tO mAkE PeOpLe LaUgH.. i hEaRt mY fRiEnDs.. i LoVe tO GoLf.. ii LoVe tO wAtCh MoViiEs wHiiLe CuDdLiiNg.. bEcAuSe oF pAsT ExPeRiEnCeS i FiNd iT hArD tO tRuSt PeOpLe.. i LoVe CuDdLiNg.. wErE nOt iN HiGh sChOoL aNyMoRe sO LeAvE tHe dRaMa BeHiNd.. sTaRbUcKs iS mY PiCk mE uP.. ii LoVe SpRiNg & sUmMeR.. i LoVe hAuNtEd hOuSeS.. i hAvE fUn WiTh eVErYtHiNg i dO.. i LoVe hAnGiN’ oUt WiTh fRiEnDs.. i LiKe tO dReSs~uP aNd LoOk cUte bUt tHeRe aRe sOmE dAyS wHeRe i dOnT GiVe a sHiT.. i LoVe rAnDoMnEsS.. i LoVe tO dO cRaZy aNd sPoNtAnEoUs tHiNgS.. iiF yOu WaNt To KnOw AnYtHiiNg eLsE, JuSt AsK mE! bUt yEa..tHaTs iT! bYeS! ::.

  34. No way I’m sending little susie here a message.

  35. “I have my own house, car, money, live in [location] and I’ve been loving life. One of my favorite things to do is host my friends at my house. They tell me I’m fun to be around and we talk about a lot of different topics.

    I really like investing, business, sounding like I know what I’m talking about and meeting new people. Of course there’s more, silly! If I tell you everything here, then there will be nothing to make our first meeting awkward!

    I was raised that men respect women. I enjoy having my door held open and I want to be the woman in a relationship. I’m strong willed and fairly independent, so it’s going to take a secure man to hang with me.”

    • In other words: she wants a man better than her to treat her like an equal most of the time, but to accept her special privileges, like doors being opened and dates being paid for. Of course this has to come from an alpha; betas need not apply. Pretty much all of the profiles from college educated women are like this. If they are attractive they can get it, if they are hefers they better get some cats.

      • Thomas V. Munson on said:

        New to site: need condign analysis. Where do heifers get off with so much attitude? I used to feel sorry for these gaggle of fat bitches I’d see out (CFB’s in my jargon-clueless fat bitches) and assumed they understood the deal i e we’re fat, older, surplus women and well have to go to chick flicks with our friends as pretend we’re havign so much fun (usually they are loud). Reading here, I’m wrong. Don’t they know a) rich man get young pussy b) good looking rich man get super models c) good looking men of any age date considerably younger-there are no men anywhere near their standards who would take a pee on them let alone fuck them. are they crazy? I have not been on a date since Carter was president, and it was the middle of his administration, so I’m out of it. But the rich dudes I know get eye candy that pass for their daughters, and even moderately succesful ones, even after divorce, get good stuff. Sort of like cars; rich get new, moderates get good used ones, some miles, maybe off-warranty, but good performance. Ladies-if you’re fat you’re fucked. Don’t think nice clothes, expnsive jewelry, good perfume change anything-a man will fuck a hot gal in a subway urinal.

      • Thomas – That was funny as hell. Good observations.

  36. This profile isn’t awful as much as it’s full of tropes and cliches (italicized by me). As I said in my guest post for Susan Walsh, these things either lower her mate value or don’t differentiate her from the crowd and so they are wasted space.

    So here goes[disqualification]…I grew up in NJ – going to NYC, the beach all the time, and of course Atlantic City. I’m pretty family oriented so I get back to NJ pretty often.

    I went to [redacted] for undergrad and fell in love with [redacted]. Ended up working on campaigns and traveling around the east coast for the next few years. But after grad school, I found myself back here. I recently moved to [redacted] and am enjoying trying new restaurants and checking out the area.

    Work keeps me pretty busy. I just started a consulting firm. I love my work and what I do. But I try not to work too hard[I work hard but not too hard] and take advantage of the city – museums, restaurants, festivals, etc. and also just hang out with friends watching movies or cleaning out the Tivo.[I like to say in, but I like to go out…]

    I’m not looking for a one night stand or to marry the first person I meet,[the man should make the sacrifices of a relationship but won’t get the payoff of my commitment] but I figure this has to be better than going to a bar.[Another disqualification and diss of online dating] I’m pretty easy-going[I’ve found women consistently overrate their agreeableness] and love to be spontaneous. Just email and let’s see if we click.”

    • I think you are reading WAY too much into it. You may meet her in person and she may be as bad as you predicted, but she may not be. I would not throw in the towel just because she desqualifies herself somewhat–I would rather have someone with a checked ego than someone whose ego is overblown.

      • NMH, I don’t mean she disqualifies herself, I mean she disqualifies online dating. This “here goes nothing” attitude is like sour grapes in reverse. It’s supposed to be nonchalance, but it comes across as either prissiness or desperation. Why insult the guys you hope will date you by acting like it’s a last-ditch option?

      • experimental on said:

        Is sour grapes in reverse sweet lemons? NMH…I have seen a lot of these analyses in which it seems the poster/commenter is reading quite a bit into things…

  37. Here’s a quick PoF profile title that sums up many of the issues:

    “Looking for Mr Right to entertain me”

    She’s 38, divorced, with kids in the house.

    6 body, 6 face.

    She prefers darker skinned men.

    • “darker skinned men” – we all know what chunky moderately attractive to unattractive women can easily get in droves… and she does too. Disgusting.

  38. From a 6 whom is 43, cant really tell for sure because there are no body shots, which is never a good sign. Standard entitlement, in particular how the first date should be. Has her SWPL demands. But I did highlight the deal breaker *sigh*

    “My friends say I’m easy-going, witty, encouraging, dependable, intelligent, straightforward, and drama free.
    My exes say I’m those things, too – just too much of those things.

    – I like to learn and do new things. This would dictate my ideal date. I would rather engage in an activity where we can really see each others’ characters, than sit across the table from each other in a restaurant learning only what we want the other to know.
    – I like children and animals, but I don’t/won’t talk to them in an annoying baby voice.
    – I like being creative in the kitchen, though the results are debatable.
    – I like watching my daughter and her friends enjoying each other and growing up right in front of me.

    – I prefer music, movies, and cars from the 60s.
    – I prefer action/suspense to romantic comedy.
    – I prefer fresh, organic, vegetarian – except when I prefer fried chicken, mac-n-cheese, and Pop-Tarts.

    – I don’t have collections of things.
    I don’t go to the gym or exercise religiously.
    – I don’t say things I don’t mean.
    – I don’t talk badly about anyone – unless they work at the DMV!
    – I don’t believe texting counts as a conversation.

    I’m looking for someone who can appreciate these things AND can conjugate English verbs, use silverware, and realize it takes two to make a conversation. I’d really appreciate someone who’s easy-going, but does have an opinion. It’s okay with me if you have a different opinion than mine, if it’s okay with you.”

    One she’s married, she will be a cow at 50. Completely predictable with the women around here.

  39. Adriana on said:

    What say you guys? Critique away!

    I feel interested in hearing about you, what you dig, what you don’t dig. You will have a safe place to land, a person with whom you can confide and know that you won’t be judged or belittled or have drama imposed on you. You will be accepted at your word and trusted because you deserve that. I feel happiest in a relationship where the man can be the man and I can be the girl. I feel happiest with men who are open, filled with integrity and compassion and are willing to look beneath the surface for all the good a person is but can’t possibly show in a photograph.

    A few of my favorite things OR Things that make me feel happy…. The smell of fresh cut grass and running around barefoot in it, the smell of summer rain. Remember when you were a kid and your Mom would make you come inside? Mine did too. But when I was blessed to have a child, I didn’t. We would stay out and play in the rain, run around dodging drops. This included the puddles, the first snowfall and hoping it would cover the trees so I can get a good photograph and the last (they are always the last of the season to me, yes, this is a bit of wishful thinking) my addiction to candles and lipgloss, music and my dorkiness about not knowing who the artists are but knowing the song, puppies, sunshine, my unshakeable belief that my last first kiss coming, stubble on a mans face, I love how soft it feels on my hand when I touch your face, flip flops; the closest thing to going barefoot a girl can get, dancing to music while vacumming, loud evenings out, quiet evenings in, being outside near water, my often vulnerable side, my “signature” scent, compliments of Bath and Body, walking for exercise and enjoyment, beer and wine, food and the absolute gratitude of each and every day. Strong hands and strong character, And, let us not forget the absolute gift I was blessed with when the Universe decided almost 16 years ago that I was the one for my son.

    • Good opening. The following gigantic run on sentence needs trimming. Readers don’t need to know every single thing you like in the world and try to break it down into sentences instead of a half a novel sized run sentence.

    • Robin Lee fuson on said:

      Your opening paragraph was great. I think I was getting glazed over halfway through the rest. TMI, for a guy who has dozens of other profiles to see… and only so much time. Yours is one of the few profiles which seem to take into account what a Man needs, and wants. Thank you.

  40. Not bad. At least you don’t have a list of demands.

    My picture of you from your clear, imaginative, yet ceepily detailed writing is that you are a college-educated SWPL, with a successful or potentially successful career, who wants a guy better than her, or might be satisified by an equal as long as he had an edge to him (think leather clad bad boy with motorbike). Therefore, I would be pessimisitic that you would ever be interested in me or most guys out there like me, despite the fact that I am a college educated professional. But I know the drill with on-line dating and am jaded.

    The reason why I say your detail is creepy is because I suspect if a guy does not fall into your detailed dream you will reject him. I dont see there is a broad window of tolerance of anything outside of your imagined man for you.

  41. Adriana on said:

    Ahhh, isn’t it interesting what perceptions are formed? I am not college educated…street smart/school of hard knocks and life 101 but do have a great career. I no longer have a list…so I am open to all types of men and have been having fun with that.

    Truth is, I don’t care what someone does or doesn’t do for a living nor do I care about college education. In fact, and I am being completely honest here, I don’t look at income as a deciding factor or what some does for a living. I am interested in WHO a person is rather than WHAT a person is.

    I remain open and want to be surprised.

    How does a woman portray that?

    • The need to be surprised is a concern to me. This suggests to me that you always needs the man to excite you mentally or give you the gina tingle. Even if that is what you require, you should not ask to be surprised in your profile.

      If you are in fact this way, then you are doomed to date bad boys who will dump you, or you never find a man that will satisfy you.

      Just say you want to meet someone nice with similar interests. The most important thing is you dont say too much of yourself to turn him off. By far the most important thing in a profile is to have good pics of your face and body.

      If a man gets a woman who’s is slender, has just one great body part (boobs, butt, or legs), likes to show that off, has a cute face, and has a pleasant non bitchy, demanding, or entitled personality he has hit gold. If you are this, you have the right to expect the same, but no more. If you expect more, than you deserve the douche-bag behavior you get.

      • experimental on said:

        What if the woman has 5 great body parts? And she has the right to expect the same, but no more? Wow…that’s refreshing. I honestly get the impression with a lot of the comments on this page that a lot of the guys expect a woman to put up with a lot…to accept a lot…to be okay with a lot…to have very few standards…while he himself has quite a laundry list of things he expects or wants in a woman. But it hasn’t been off-putting to me…I am kind of used to it, for that is how a lot of men out in the real world and on dating websites are also, it seems.

        And another question…if a woman has…let’s say…3 body parts that are great, and we just go ahead and deduce that she can expect of the man to have at the most 3 great body parts, but no more…do they have to be the same body parts? Because my outlook on all of that is that women and men are just so different, even in their bodies. On a woman, my favorite body parts are the boobs, followed by the legs. I know some men are butt men…good for them! It’s just not personally my thing, but to each his or her own. But on a man, my favorite part is the abs, followed by the legs, and then maybe the arms? So if a woman has three great body parts…let’s just say, for the sake of argument, she has great boobs, legs, and sexy hips. Does she have to only expect her man to have a great chest, great legs, and great hips for a guy (whatever that is). Or can she want a guy who has great arms, great cavs, and a great back? Yeah, and for the record, I don’t “expect” my partner to have great abs, it’s just a plus if they do…but it’s my favorite part. So I like to look at great abs on a man if he has them. He doesn’t have to for me to date him, though.

      • experimental on said:

        Oh, and I was also going to say, I think when she said she wanted to be surprised, I think she just meant by the guy…what he did for a living, his interests, what he did for fun, his personality. I may be wrong, but I think she just meant she wanted to be surprised by the guy in general and by things about him and not have this list of things she HAD to have…not that she had to be surprised in the relationship regularly by the guy or anything like that.

    • Ian Ironwood on said:

      This sounds like an outstanding profile to attract . . . a lesbian. Seriously, all the nature imagery is nice, and paints a picture, but is it really a picture a dude would want to see himself in? Right up front? And mentioning Bath & Body isn’t a plus. We know girls smell good.

      Honestly, mentioning puppies, sunshine, and fresh-cut grass is NOT going to get you a passionate dude . . . it’s either a Beta or a lesbian life partner.

  42. Adriana on said:

    I still find it interesting how people focus on one word or one sentance and the perception is formed. Very interesting,indeed.

    Thanks for the input, NMH. Much appreciated.

  43. Dd3dd on said:

    This one is going to be hard to beat, IMHO (From OKCupid)–

    Things I am:
    A WRITER, an artist, an eclectic atheistic solitary Pagan (figure that one out!), a childlike (not childish) soul, an open book, a grammar/spelling nut, a soprano, a 70s baby, a woman of small stature, a blue-eyed light-skinned girl with long blonde hair, an avid reader, a vegetarian, a daughter, a sister, a polyphasic sleeper, and an asexual.

    If you know what asexuality is, you can skip this part, but I feel like I should explain “asexual” to those unfamiliar with the term; after all, this is primarily a dating site. I picked “bisexual” because OKC does not give me a better choice, and I am attracted to both sexes the same, which is NOT AT ALL.

    I chose “bisexual” because I don’t think “straight” is the default. What is this, heterosexual until proven gay? Ha, no. For me, asexuality is a sexual orientation of “no,” not “no sexual orientation.” It means I have never been sexually attracted to anyone, and I am not trying to change this. It’s a legitimate, mature, somewhat rare orientation, and you can learn more about it at the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, or for my personal take, try my essay about it on my site, swankivy.com or my YouTube series on Asexuality. Feel free to ask questions, but be respectful please.

    Finally, I promise I don’t want to make my lack of interest in sex/dating into the point of this profile, but this is important if you are combing my profile looking for romantic compatibility. I joined this site originally for the tests and stayed because the matches really do work for my friendships. I’ve met over fifty nice people in person through this site, and never ended up hanging out with someone who expected to have sex with me. The site’s matching algorithm IS matching me with similar people, and my profile IS attracting those people to me. I don’t need to make it shorter, take my photos down so you’re not so disappointed, or delete it completely. It is getting me in contact with the kinds of people I want to talk to. Maybe that’s you.

    The funnier part is that I found this one in my ‘quiver’ matches.
    Hardee-har-har.

  44. Not bad, just really unintentionally funny…”Love dogs, pretty ambivalent about cats but in general I find them emotionally withholding. I also really love hamsters… I get that’s kind of weird but I think they’re super cute. “

  45. just me on said:

    Oh my gosh, this is the best site ever…I am learning so much. I just tried online dating about 2 months ago- wow I’ve gotten so really weird emails!!! Below is my profile info, I would love feedback….I can handle it- go ahead be honest…dont hold back the criticism, its how I can learn:

    I am a happy, friendly, kind person. I am not shy and enjoy laughing and having fun. I am a hard worker. I am not afraid to get my hands dirty but am very feminine and enjoy wearing dresses and dressing pretty. I am looking for someone to spend some time with, to laugh and do some fun things with. Honesty, integrity and a good work ethic are really important to me. I hope to find someone that I can respect and enjoy life with and that wants the same.
    I love being outside on a nice sunny day, at the beach or in my garden. I can have fun doing pretty much anything and love going new places and trying new things. I like to sew— I know, I’m the last person in the world that still does.
    I love all foods, especially exotic foods from interesting places. Traveling is the best and I hope to do more of it. I have a wonderful daughter and son, I am a lucky woman and truly happy

    • That’s the best profile Ive seen in a while. Simple, down to earth, intelligent.

    • Ian Ironwood on said:

      Meh…

      It reads just like a thousand others. What woman ISN’T looking for all of the above? While there are few overt “danger signs”, and it does come across as sincere, it also doesn’t want to make me contact you. There is little distinguishing here, except the sewing part, which could point towards “I’m going to turn your home gym into a sewing room, buster . . . “

      • just me on said:

        Dear Ian Ironwood
        Constructive criticism is what I asked for-not straight up insults. For example what are the overt danger signs???? I said that I am kind and friendly- that hardly implies that I would be turning your gym into a sewing room and dont worry about being interested in contacting someone like me me or not- my pictures would show you that I am 5’5″, 111 lbs, long dark hair and a face pretty enough to have been prom and homecoming queen way back in High School- so most likely I wouldn’t be responding to your rudeness anyway- next time someone asks for constructive criticism you might want to consider your word choice.

      • Ian Ironwood on said:

        I chose my words most carefully.

        I wasn’t insulting — I didn’t say anything mean. I just said it read like a thousand others. When you are trying to find a mate, the whole point is to DISTINGUISH yourself amongst a sea of competitors. What in your profile does that?

        And yes, dudes screen for “danger signs”, that is, indicators within a profile that the woman in question has more baggage issues than most men are comfortable dealing with. Say, more than three cats, or five ex-husbands, or a request for an income statement as well as a head picture. As I said, you didn’t display any of these overt danger signs, and as far as potential “covert” danger signs (the subtext we read into the text you write) the only one I saw was sewing. It was also the most interesting thing about your profile.

        And when sewing is the most interesting thing in your profile . . . well, don’t expect a lot of good men to line up for you.

        Just sayin’.

    • It’s fine.

    • experimental on said:

      I think it’s pretty good. With men, to some degree, I think the adage “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” applies, even in as far as critiquing the profiles go. You can’t please them all. Trust me on that one! Where one guy sees an awesome girl he can’t wait to contact, another sees a girl he needs to run from as far as possible. An example is if a girl were really blunt and oversexed…if she put it out there…outright…said something like, “I love sex. I want it and I want it now, and I am on here to find someone I can be compatible with in that way.”….sure, she would get a whole lot of guys running to her profile hoping to score with her. There would be a lot of guys who would say, “she’s straightforward — I like that. She knows what she wants and she wants sex. I like that.” On the other hand, there would also be at least some guys who would see that and say, “what a desperate display. Too risky a slut like that would have some STD.” Things like that. Though this may have been an extreme example, the point is that men are different, they all want different things. You can’t please them all. You run the risk of over-analyzing your profile and driving yourself crazy when you try to create something that would appeal to anybody and everybody. What one man sees as “simple” and “down-to-earth” in a profile, another man sees as “boring” and having nothing stand out. To each his own. You can’t please them all. 🙂

  46. Dd3dd on said:

    I stand corrected: from OKC

    About Me-
    “i a white redneck girl like to go out to have fun drink shoot pool go dancing and-just to have fun i play bingo and i love hang out with friends and family and like to go camping fishing i work at a hotel been there for a 11 years i’am in a relship right now and hope to stay in this relship and make my relship with my man work i dont want to lose him i’am just looking for someone to talk to when iam down and like to meet new friends to hang out with me and my old man and yes men i’am bi and not shame of it either i just i would like someone to tell me it i will be alright and everything will work out i love riding in big trucks and go mudding i’am close to my family to i wish my man would take me out alot more with him and teach me alot of new thangs i hate fighting with him i understand thats why he gets mad at me and don’t want to be around me sometimes i under stand that just writeing to u people now wants to make care oh yea i love to watch the sun set and walk on the beach and dance on the beach to i hated when my friends lie to be about something just tell me the truth even knowing it my hurt me i will get over it [sic]”

  47. And another, from Match.com

    55yr old, 6-7/10, age and weight adjusted:

    I am a woman who has worked on her career for a long time, raised a daughter, and now its time for me.I am beautiful sexy and a kind woman looking for a gentleman that is ready for love.I have class .Im not looking to date a lot of men.I want someone who has worked through his past relationships and has lots to offer, and Knows how to make a plan. I would do best with a working Business person Doc or attorney.Im too busy to be with someone retired.Waiting for me to stop working.I love what I do.As specific as I am. I get broke men from out of town writing me.I do not get it.

    Of course, the businessman, doctor or attorney she’s looking for probably isn’t looking for her……

    • Ian Ironwood on said:

      No lie! Gosh, can a profile scream “entitled!” more? She’s looking to marry up and be a high-class trophy wife . . . 25 years too late. “Broke men from out of town” is probably her best bet, actually.

    • experimental on said:

      “I’m too busy to be with someone retired.” Code for…I don’t want to have you hanging around the house all the time while I’m out working and doing my thing and having you expecting me to have to hang out with you and spend time with you. Honestly, if I really liked a guy, if he were retired and I was able to hang out with him a lot, and he wanted to do that, I think that would be awesome in a relationship. Not required, but it could be good. I could go either way, though…if a guy was busy and didn’t want to hang around much, I could be cool with that, too.

  48. You’ve got to see this hosebag:
    She couldn’t write to save her life… http://adultfriendfinder.ca/members/toronto.html

    I enjoy going out for the usuals . i can enjoy just about anything if i am with my best friend. I love to read, go for drives, listen to music and play midnight frisbee! I’m just kinda checking this out right now but if you can pique my interest I’m sure we can talk and see where things go. My family and friends are very important to me. I need to hookup tonight in a bar at Toronto. I have never done this online thing before (how strange is it to rate yourself on looks?). An educated professional who is positive, energetic, caring and thoughtful. I like to draw and volunteer and work and listen to music. However usually that stuff doesn’t matter. I enjoy a variety of outdoor activities.

  49. 50 y.o., lives in small town in the middle of nowhere, not bad looking, for long term (the following is a small excerpt from the very long and descriptive profile):

    “Think of these questions as Deal Breakers !!
    1). Single? Available? Divorced? How many times divorced? How long have you been divorced?? The Separated need not apply !! Ya gotta be unattached in EVERY way, because I am …..
    2). Are you totally disengaged from the last woman? No rebound men for me…I have no baggage or drama, so I’m looking for a man with no baggage/drama. Just recently out of a long-term relationship?? pass me by…you and I are on different levels of the dating/love life cycle. To me, timing is everything…….
    3). Smoker?? Sorry, I can’t and won’t be around someone who smokes or chews, not even parttime.
    4). Heterosexual?
    5). Working full-time here in Idaho and live here also?
    6). Your kids, are they the same age as mine (25-22-20) or older? I am only interested in men who have children the same age(s) as mine,(young adults). I can concentrate on you and I want the same in return.
    7). How many ex-wives and where is your ex-wife? On the East coast or farther away??
    8). Do you have a criminal record? If so, move along, I’m NOT the one for you..
    9). If you are a player, or not ready for a committment, or just looking for a one night romp, you are NOT for me, NEXT !!
    10). If your a guy with jealousy in your heart, or you have trust issues, we will not get along, trust me!
    11). For fun, would you be willing to take dance lessons with me? I am wanting to learn the romantic dances, you know, the Tango, Foxtrot, Waltz, Rumba, Salsa and of course Jitterbug!
    12). Can you be spontaneous??
    13). Do you know what True Love is??
    14). Can you handle watching a chick flick a few times a year?? Yes, I do watch guy flicks ! I sometimes have to cover my eyes so as not to offend my delicate sensabilities!! LOL
    15). When you meet a woman for the first time, do you bring flowers????
    16). How do you feel about PDA’s?? (Public Displays of Affection)??
    17). What is your idea of a perfect (dream) date?
    18). Have you ever been around/dated a widow?
    19). Ocean or the mountains?
    20). Do you want to grow old and gray with me?
    21). Do you like “slow hand”?
    22). Are you a lone wolf or the marrying kind?
    23). What do you think of this statement: “Love is friendship set on fire”?
    24). Coffee, Tea, or Me ??
    25). Can you be two different men? One man outside the bedroom, and another man inside the bedroom????
    26). Are you healthy? Any kind of medical conditions??? Taking any medications??
    27). Do you still have ALL your hair and teeth????
    28). Can you/will you paint my toe nails if I ask you to ??”

    • Ian Ironwood on said:

      Doesn’t want much, does she?

      I find this humorous:

      1). Single? Available? Divorced? How many times divorced? How long have you been divorced?? The Separated need not apply !! Ya gotta be unattached in EVERY way, because I am …..
      2). Are you totally disengaged from the last woman? No rebound men for me…I have no baggage or drama, so I’m looking for a man with no baggage/drama. Just recently out of a long-term relationship?? pass me by…you and I are on different levels of the dating/love life cycle. To me, timing is everything…….
      7). How many ex-wives and where is your ex-wife? On the East coast or farther away??

      And then:

      10). If your a guy with jealousy in your heart, or you have trust issues, we will not get along, trust me!

      So SHE can have jealousy and trust issues, but not her man.

      She’s in Idaho. You’d think anyone with an XY chromosome and a body temperature above 90 degrees would do.

      • Didn’t also mention that she’s looking for guys 40-55. In other words, ten years younger to only five years older. Very common for middle age women to search for (much) younger guys. Something about self-delusion/rationalization hamster I guess…

      • What a dumb comment made by Guest on October 1, 2011. Complaining because this woman only wants to go 5 years older in her choice of men and ten years younger. SO WHAT? Many men out there won’t even go as much as a year older, despite that they die 6 years younger than women, on average. And I have seen profiles where men list ages as much as 20 years younger than their old a**es. Women are humans too. We all can appreciate youth and health, and women don’t want someone sooo old because they’ll make widows earlier.

      • experimental on said:

        To each his or her own, but I have NO desire in a man who is much younger than me. It just feels really gross to me. I don’t know why, I can’t really explain it. Just my own preference, I guess. Part of it, though, is the maturity factor. I have trouble with guys my own age being mature enough to be appealing to me, much less a younger, and even worse much younger man. I guess if he was really mature but younger, it might could work for me. But I’ve just always had more luck with being attracted to older men, for the most part. And jj, there may be a benefit to them making us widows earlier…not having to put up with them as long, getting some peace and quite, being able to enjoy life and be left alone for a little while. 😀 Obviously, I’m joking a bit here. But still. I think WORSE than them making us widows is that if they are older and health-wise get to a place to where they can’t take care of themselves, and we have to play nursemaids and take care of them for the rest of their/our lives…I think that is worse. I’m sure that sounds awful, but turn the tables and put yourselves in our shoes. Would you really want to play nurse-helper (nursemaid) to another person for the rest of her or your life? I think the Terry Shaivo case showed us that most men can’t even be faithful to their woman once she had become incapacitated, much less take care of her as her nurse-helper (whatever the male form of nursemaid is). I honestly think that men just pretty much expect us to do that and to be willing to do that, but would never do that themselves.

  50. Ian Ironwood on said:

    I found a couple I wanted to pass along. Here’s the first:

    46, divorced (age adjusted 6)

    My best friends describe me as loyal, funny, down to earth, dependable, witty and crazy.

    READ: I spend a lot of time with my girlfriends because I can’t seem to find a date. I usually buy the wine, too, and then we bitch about all the losers in the world and how much we hate our exes and can’t wait to find Prince Charming until we pass out drunk. It’s classy. No, really. .

    I love to laugh, but not at anyone’s expense.

    READ: I’m goofy.

    I believe life is too short to be angry and unhappy all the time. After all, the sun is always shining behind the clouds.

    READ: I’m on my antidepressants, and I’m feeling much better now. Took fifteen years to do it, but . . .

    I’m not perfect, I’m always the same person.

    READ: I am bitchy and frequently stuck in a rut.

    I never meet a stranger.

    READ: I sleep around. A lot.

    I don’t pretend to be something I’m not and really don’t care for those who do. I have been told that I am a very genuine person and that I am proud of.

    READ: I’m bitchy, and won’t hesitate to tell you why you are pissing me off.

    I have two daughters who I dearly love and cherish. They are my reason for smiling. I have a large, loving family and am grateful for each of them.

    READ: Seeking surrogate stepfather who won’t molest my kids. But they’re always going to come first.

    I would like to meet someone who has similar interests as me. I don’t travel much but would love to someday.

    READ: If you’re horny, call me and tell me a couple of lies, and you’ll probably get a one-night stand out of it. I’ve been poor or working-class all my life, and I’m looking forward to bagging a rich dude.

    I would like to tell you more but perhaps in more of a one to one setting.

    READ: If that vague description didn’t make you want to fuck me, then maybe a coffee date where I don’t wear panties might do it. In a really, really dark café.

    If you think you might like to get to know me, drop me a line.
    It has to start somewhere, right?

    READ: Dear god, someone please date me!

  51. Ian Ironwood on said:

    Here’s the second:

    Separated, 36, age-adjusted 4.

    I am very committed to my work, I love what I do. (She’s in sales)

    READ: I’m a workaholic who won’t be home until 7-8pm every night, and spend my weekends catching up on work. If there is a work/romance conflict, work always wins. And sex? Really? Once a month. That’s all I have time for. Why do you think I’m separated?

    I have two sons who are the engine of my life.

    READ: My sons are always going to be the first men in my life, and you get whatever is left over after them and my work.

    I am a good person driven by my interest & perseverant

    READ: I feel guilty about being a workaholic but I justify it constantly.

    I love what I do for living, however I am open to a new professional opportunities.

    READ: I’m in sales, but if you can support me or get me a higher paying job, you move to the head of the line.

    I believe that honor, integrity and respect are foundation for any good relationship.

    READ: My ex cheated on me when I wouldn’t put out, and now I’m wounded.

    I like to treat people with the same honesty that I expect from them. Love is the most important gift that we can give to the people around us.

    READ: Please, God, someone date me so that I don’t feel like such a failure!

  52. Ian Ironwood on said:

    And, lastly, this one:

    41, Divorced, age-adjusted 7. Technical job.

    Well…

    READ: I’m ambivalent and indecisive

    I am open minded, spontaneous, adventurous, honest and fair.

    READ: I’ll do anal if you get me drunk, and I once had a fling with another chick in college that I’ll never talk about. But I probably won’t rag you about your past much.

    I also can be a home body and Love to watch hockey.

    READ: Lazy couch potato, but I USED to be hot…

    Communication and team are big with me.

    READ: I’m happy to let you lead until I’m not, and then I expect you to fold like a cheap chair to keep me happy.

    Like to be able to have an open conversation, to laugh about ideas and happenings and share lots. My career and family are important to me as well.

    READ: I talk. A lot. To everyone. All the time. Only about 20% will be pertinent, and 10% will be genuinely interesting, but if you don’t listen attentively to all of my crap all the time, boy, will you hear about it.

    Looking for and interchangeable fit, where my match fits as ideally into my life as I do theirs.

    READ: Just about any warm body will do, but I reserve the right to unleash my flakiness on you unexpectedly.

  53. Oh, this one was choice. 41 yo, 7 (age-adjusted)

    This dating thing hasn’t gone so well for me.

    READ: RED ALERT!!!

    Yes, I’ve had long term relationships; I’ve been engaged a couple times, but never married – Just too many what ifs about more than which way the toilet paper should roll (for both of us).

    READ: I wanted a four-bedroom McMansion in the suburbs, and he wanted anal.

    Id like to believe that being single isn’t terminal, so here I am still trying.

    READ: Oh, dear god, I’m desperate to prove I’m still fuckable!

    Here’s what you need to know about me: I am not Jessica Alba, Charlize Theron or whoever is the latest flavor of the week. If you’re looking for a Barbie doll, please move on. I’m not her physically, emotionally or intellectually, but best of luck if that’s what you want.

    READ: I have tragically low self-esteem and I’m bitchy about my weight because my ex had the temerity to actually suggest I work out and sent me into a downward spiral of ice cream and soap operas. But I still have a vagina, so . . .

    If you’re still reading, here’s some more information: I’m animal person and try to learn about wildlife and nature, but am partial to dogs. I am by no means a PETA member, but believe they need someone to give them a voice. I’m “Mom” to a 7 year old terrier and a 1 1/2 year old lab mix who are the center of my world.

    READ: I’d like to be a PETA person, but I’m just too lazy and uncommitted for that. Besides, German Shepherds can’t give you babies. I looked into it.

    I love to read. Give me a good story and temporarily there is no work that needs done, apartment that needs cleaned or dogs to walk.

    READ: I am addicted to romance novels to fill my empty life, and that has given me vastly unrealistic expectations about how men are supposed to be. If you don’t fit within that range . . . well, I do have a vagina.

    I choose to keep only a few people close to me that I consider “friends”. They are relationships of mutual respect and acceptance. They are my friends because they know me and accept my quirks.

    READ: I’m such a moody train-wreck that there are only a few hyper-flaky girlfriends who still call me, because compared to me their lives look great.

    My family is my family – just like everyone else’s I don’t always like or agree with them, but they are part of the package.

    READ: I have a genetic history of mental disorders and a toxic childhood. Mom is now on like six different anti-depressants, and dad drinks a lot and doesn’t say anything. See what you have to look forward to

    I seem to have gathered some spots on my body that are a bit more cushy than others. Fortunately, they don’t appear to be growing…

    READ: I don’t work out, but this is probably as fat as I will get for a few more years. Probably.

    I have no children, and I can honestly say I don’t feel like I’m missing anything. At this stage of the game I cannot see myself changing diapers, chasing a toddler or paying for college at 60.

    READ: I realize that I have squandered my precious few years of being sexually attractive by selfishly indulging myself and driving away any decent alpha-type man because he didn’t “respect” me, and now that all I have on my plate are losers, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’m essentially a failure as a woman. But I’m not bitter. Really. I’M. NOT. BITTER.

    I am a very upfront person, what you see is what you get. I am a confident and realistic person.

    READ: I’m a bitch. There, it’s out.

    I’m not an adrenaline junkie – you won’t catch me sky diving and I don’t like roller coasters.

    READ: Get used to cable TV and watching my ass expand to fill the available room on the sofa. Good times.

    I don’t care for over priced clubs with loud music and watered down drinks. Give me a hole in the wall where I can shoot pool and actually have a conversation without shouting or a backyard with my friends and I’m a happy girl.

    READ: I suck in real bars because I’m competing with younger, prettier women who will blow you in the parking lot, so I hang out at poorly-lit dives where the dudes are usually beergoggling enough for me to show off my boobs and get some tiny modicum of validation of my womanhood. Occasionally I get drunk and fuck one in the bathroom, but I’d never admit it.

    I’m a jeans and t-shirt kinda girl, but occasionally I like to get dressed up and go out to dinner or to the theater. But sitting at home, cuddling on the couch, watching a bad movie with a beer and pizza works just as well.

    READ: Cheap date, but worth . . . oh, who am I kidding? Please, just someone . . . tell me I’m fuckable!

    The older I get, the more I find that going places on the weekends where I have no cell reception are usually the best.

    READ: I see a lot of “antiquing” in our future.

    I am spiritual/religious, but not a Christian.

    READ: I took a yoga class ten years ago but I like masturbation too much to be religious. Besides, going to church on Sunday really eats into my “me” time. And all the ladies there keep asking about my prospects, and it’s just too humiliating now.

    Here’s what I need from you: You’re someone I can have fun with.

    READ: Someone who will take me out and pick up the check.

    Someone to share new experiences with as well as the same boring ones.

    READ: 3rd date handjob, 6th date screw, and anything after that is purely twice-a-month missionary. Blowjob? What is this thing you call ‘blowjob’?

    You should be just as comfortable at home with a six-pack, pizza and movie as you are at a Broadway show.

    READ: I’ve given up on a wealthy Prince Charming. If you have a job with benefits, and don’t mind that I don’t cook, we might get along.

    You must be able to make me laugh, but not in a juvenile boogers and farts kind of way.

    READ: 3 Stooges, Benny Hill and Monty Python? Keep it with your porn collection.

    You should know what a newspaper is and occasionally read one.

    READ: If I catch you on-line, I’m going to assume it’s porn.

    You must not be married (that includes separated), attached or looking for your 4th or 5th wife At the very least you should be a dog person; someone who does more with their pet than just expect them to sit in the corner waiting for you to have time for them.

    READ: I’ll treat my dogs better than you, every time.

    We should compliment each other – teach me things, make me want to learn and grow. Challenge me to be a better person.

    READ: OK, at this stage in the game, I might consider anal if you get me drunk. But only if you pay my car payment and only expect it twice a year.

  54. Ian Ironwood on said:

    Another 48 year old 7.

    Curiosity, love of music, liberal politics – those are some of the qualities you might first notice about me. I’m a writer and an avid reader.

    READ: I was a liberal arts major who got my MRS. Degree. And then got my DIVORCED Degree.

    I’d like to meet someone who loves the outdoors, savors words and music, and is always learning.
    Intelligence is essential. Laughter is, too.

    READ: Looking for an independently wealthy yachtsman with season opera tickets and a pile of degrees. A professional degree is essential. But you can’t just be an egghead, you have to be rich, well-built, funny, and smart – but not so smart that you’ll realize what a mistake it is to get involved with me.

    I take good care of myself, and I’m looking for someone who does the same.

    READ: I’ve recently been hitting the gym like mad because I ballooned up after my divorce and the last date I was on stood me up because “I don’t do fat chicks”. Now I’m obsessing about it, and I want you to obsess about it too.

    Character is important to me, too – a concern for the planet, and for other people.

    READ: I want you to be rich AND an environmentalist humanitarian. No fortunes made in munitions, forestry, tobacco or petroleum products, PLEASE. Unless you have more than one home, then we can talk.

    Talking about myself isn’t my favorite thing.

    READ: I’m not comfortable sharing anything about myself until I know you’re going to fit my Prince Charming profile. And talking about myself could possibly lead to a depression-inducing round of self-examination and introspection that could very well send me to an institution. So PLEASE don’t ask anything personal, while I have you thoroughly checked out by private detectives. Besides why talk about me when we can talk about my ex-husband?

    I’d much rather talk about what’s happening in the world, dreams of travel, the book I’m reading, a great new singer you or I have just heard, what I’m learning right now or what’s puzzling me.

    READ: Face it fellas, I’m just not going to shut up. And I don’t really see talking about you as a fun time. So prepare to gnaw your arm off to get away. That’s what my ex-husband did.

    Incidentally, I’m not interested in long stretches of e-mail correspondence. A bit of exchange is fine.

    READ: I’m anxious to get MATRIMONY 2.0 underway before my boobs completely sag and I’m just not fuckable anymore.

    I’d like to hear a bit more about you, your likes and dislikes, etc.

    READ: A copy of your last three year’s tax returns and a P&L will do for now. We can save the intimate stuff, like real estate and annuities, until we get to know each other better. Plus, if you’re kinky, get it out there now, because I need to know my deal-breakers before I meet you in person.

    But you haven’t really met until you’ve met in person, I think. Don’t you agree?

    READ: It’s okay for me to check out your financials on-line, but don’t you dare dismiss my rapidly-aging ass until I have a chance to flaunt it to you in person.

    What I like to do: I’m a travel junkie. Recent travels include Pacific Northwest, Mexico, Guatemala. I would love to go to Buenos Aires, Portugal, the Greek Isles

    READ: Dude, you better be rich and have some serious frequent flier miles stocked up.

    I’m also a francophile from way back.

    READ: I expect to honeymoon in Paris, because my cheap-ass first husband only took me to Florida.

    I’m passionate about music. I sing in an a cappella group.

    READ: I am a nerd, but I take it seriously.

    I am a writer and avid reader.

    READ: I blog about how there are no good men out there and I read other womens’ blogs about how there are no good men out there. And I don’t own a TV.

    Enjoy hiking and yoga too.

    READ: There will be no spectator sports of any kind in a future with me.

    My hot spots: Favorite hike in the mountains is on Max’s Patch.

    READ: My ex husband took me there for one of our few “couple’s weekends”, where he got me drunk and gave me the best sex I ever had in the woods. I’ll be happy to point out the spot as I lure you up there to re-live the memory. I won’t actually have sex in the woods with you, but I’ll talk about it a lot, and maybe we can do it in the hotel room with the lights off and pretend.

    A few of my favorite things:Singing. A perfect phrase in music or in prose. A perfect peach. Sarah Vaughan, Nina Simone, Ella Fitzgerald, Betty Carter, Al Green, Lucinda Williams, Gillian Welch, Feist.

    READ: In case you haven’t guessed it yet, perfection is very important to me. I’m praying to GOD that it’s not important to you.

  55. Ian Ironwood on said:

    This one is a 47 y.o. 7.5, based on the one picture.

    I have been divorced for 3 years now and am finally ready to start looking for that special someone to share those special moments in life with.

    READ: My ex husband quit paying for my insurance.

    You know, the ones that make you smile long after they have happened.

    READ: You damned well had better be fascinating. I won’t tolerate any less.

    I have 2 pretty great children that make me laugh every day. Laughter is important – it gets you through the not so wonderful parts.

    READ: I’m bipolar. My kids think Manic Mommy is funny, and laugh a lot. He quit paying for their therapy, too.

    I am not “the party girl” and do not want someone who is more interested in a buzz than all that life has to offer.

    READ: I don’t drink. I’m wound up tighter than a bee’s ass, but I’m too much of a control freak to have a drink, relax, and maybe get laid. Besides, it messes with my medication.

    I need genuine friendship and trust and feel you can’t find that at the end of a bottle.

    READ: I met my ex-husband in a bar.

    This is not to say I don’t enjoy the occasional beer – especially during football season – it just isn’t a priority.

    READ: I’ll drink a beer with you, pretend that I enjoy watching that awful game, and that way you’ll think I’m the perfect woman. Because all men love football and beer and women who will watch football with them. Even if I secretly hate it and expect some SERIOUS concessions as a result. At least, that’s how it worked with my ex.

    I love football season – it is my favorite time of year!

    READ: I know exactly where you will be all weekend long! And the fall sales are here!

    I volunteer when I can for anything my children are interested in.

    READ: When it comes to doling out my attention, you’re pretty much screwed.

    I currently am a Girl Scout leader because my daughter enjoys it and I was surprised how much I enjoy it too – not only my time with my girl but all the other girls too.

    READ: It gives me a feeling of power to be in charge of my own army of mini-me’s. It allows me to express my deep and abiding desire for control until I have a husband again.

    I also volunteer at school though I am not allowed to say hello to my son when I am there (he has reached the age where I am embarrassing LOL)

    READ: Whereas I reached the age when I’m embarrassing years ago. But maybe if I hang out at school enough some divorced dad will pick me up. I need a rebound guy like an alky needs a drink.

    What I like to do:Most of my free time is spent with my children and their activities. When they are not around, I like to read, do arts and crafts with my best friend and hang out with friends and family.

    READ: Notice there’s no “sex” in the above. Or anything even remotely suggesting it. Take the hint?

    My hot spots:I do not have any favorite “hot spots”.

    READ: If you can’t figure out why by now, you might be just the sucker I’m looking for!

    I like the mountains but my children love the beach so that is where we spend most vacations.

    READ: Despite my being a control-freak, I still let my kids boss me around. If you aren’t willing to be bossed around by all of us, then calling me is probably a poor idea.

    Show me something new – I am willing to try.

    READ: That way I can say “I tried” and then make you feel guilty as hell for wanting to do it again. So you get exactly 1 CHANCE at oral, anal, or anything kinky. Then it’s back to a twice-a-month “wifely duty” unless I can find some way to get out of it.

  56. Ian Ironwood on said:

    Last one for today…

    43 y.o. 6

    This is the hard part: My friends would describe me as compassionate, funny, intelligent, kind and a lot of fun to be around.

    READ: My friends drink a lot and are willing to lie on my behalf.

    Life is short and we owe it to ourselves to enjoy every moment.

    READ: I’m desperately trying to hold on to the last shred of my womanhood before menopause, and I need your help!

    I love music! Rock, metal, alternative, classical, some country, traditional celtic. I play drums, take Irish dance lessons.

    READ: You Have Been Warned.

    I am an independent, self-reliant woman looking for the same in a man.

    READ: I have a job, you need to have one at least as good as mine or better. I’m willing to entertain the idea that I’m not going to get a Prince Charming, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to go for the gold, y’know? I’ll settle.

    I want someone who can go to a black tie event one night, a rock concert the next and be comfortable at both.

    READ: You damn well better be entertaining. A lot.

    I have had a few failed relationships since my divorce and am tired of playing the “dating game.”

    READ: All these dudes I keep dating want me to put out up front. Like I’m some sort of porn star or something. You think I like sex? Why the hell do you think my husband left me?

    I am looking for a soulmate. I am a hopeless romantic and am comfortable with going out or even a quiet night at home.

    READ: You had better be willing to spend every waking moment paying me attention or I’m going to freak. And if you don’t meet my romantic expectations, God help you.

    I am looking for someone to share my life with who won’t try to make me who they think I should be.

    READ: I am highly resistant to change and will balk at the slightest suggestion of anything new. Which means we have sex my way or not at all. Preferably the latter.

    I wouldn’t do that to whomever I was with.
    READ: I really, really hope you believe that.

    I am more loyal than a St. Bernard and when I give away my heart I will have eyes for no other man.

    READ: I will obsess about your fidelity every waking moment, and will demand that you will never, ever look at another woman. And if I do catch you looking – even at internet porn – I’ll scream that you have a sex addiction, never loved me, and I’ll constantly compare you to my first husband who at least had the decency to do that out in the garage where I wouldn’t know about it.

    If you’re not serious, please do not contact me.

    READ: If you are serious, please contact a mental health professional.

  57. Ian Ironwood on said:

    Oh, here’s a goody . . .

    36 yo. 6

    I am here looking for a long term relationship with someone who wants the same and that eventually wants to get married and have kids…down the road…

    READ: I suddenly realized that I have like only a couple of year’s worth of eggs left before I hit that “problem pregnancy” stage, and that just doesn’t fit in with my life plan. CALL ME!

    First of all, I am STABLE. I feel that this is one of the most important qualities that I possess and one of the most important characteristics of a mate. I graduated from XXXX and XXXX. I have a good, stable job – where I have worked for over 13 years. I own my own home, cut my own grass, have my own vehicles….take care of my responsibilites, etc.

    READ: I am highly competent and will not only look down on you if you are not likewise, but any attempt at “helping” me will be met with derision and annoyance. In fact, if it wasn’t for the sperm issue, I wouldn’t really need a man at all.

    I am looking for a man that is honest, smart, trustworthy, gainfully employed, open minded, considerate of others…a man that has his life together.

    READ: In other words, I’m looking for some other woman’s husband . . . because a dude like this would have been snatched up a long time ago. Don’t care about your ex – just want some sperm.

    I am most attracted to country boys…no metro men, no men that stand in front of a mirror and flex their muscles…just not my cup of tea! A laid back truck drivin, camo wearin, fishin, dippin, beer drinkin, mud slingin guy…that is more my speed.

    READ: Despite my hyper-competancy and demands for high character and employment issues in my Prince Charming List, I want all of that and a bull Alpha, too. Anything less and you’re just a sperm-donor. And it would be great if you owned a large tract of real estate out in the country I could tell you how to run.

    I do not particularly care for city life, although I do like the conveniences. My dream living situation would be living on several acres out in the country on a farm with all kinds of farm animals, dogs, cats, kids….quiet, wooded, peaceful…with a porch swing.

    READ: Something in the $500,000-$1.5k range. I’m not THAT picky.

    Plenty of room for my kids and animals to roam and play.

    READ: I will, of course, be consuming most of your resources with my family and pets.

    I am not a fan of large crowds or “fancy type” bars…I am all about having a family, cooking dinner every night, taking the kids to the circus, etc. I am a nurturer by nature.

    READ: Please, God, someone inseminate me!I’m willing to ditch my highly-competent, highly independent, highly-stable lifestyle for a life of subservient matrimony if someone will just KNOCK ME UP, QUICK! After I’m pregnant, of course, I reserve the right to change the rules arbitrarily.

    I like to take care of others. I’m the kind of girl that would tell you to invite your friends over to watch the game and I will cook lots of finger foods and serve you and enjoy doing it!!

    READ: That will also give me an opportunity to identify any friends of yours I deem ‘toxic’, as well as any I think I can fix up. Oh, and I’ll end up emasculating you at least three times before the end of the game. Once on purpose.

    I like to cook, read, ride horses, go to the beach, attend fairs/festivals, hang out & drink some cold ones, go to my fav comedy club. I’m generally low key for the most part. I don’t like going out all the time. It is nice to stay home, chill, sit out on the deck drinking some beer, lay in the hammock talking, laughing, just enjoying time together.

    READ: I’m a cheap date, really I am. Low maintenance! JUST GIVE ME YOUR SPERM!

    I have not been camping in years and would love to meet a guy that likes to go camping although my idea of roughin it is drying my hair in the community, campground bathroom. Lol. So maybe some campin at a nice campground. 😦

    READ: Or a nice hotel. Yes, I’m sure I can talk you out of that camping BS pretty quickly, once I’m pregnant. But if you think I’ll do you in a tent in a public campground, well, if it makes you call me, you just keep thinking that, buster . . .

    I am extremely independent…almost to a fault. I’m a “call it like I see it” kind of person.

    READ: I am a pushy bitch who will not hesitate to call out any weaknesses I see in you, as well as subject you to my imperious judgment about your behavior. If you try to do anything for me, I will resent you for being domineering and thinking I am incompetent. If you don’t try to do anything for me, I will resent you for not being thoughtful and considerate enough. See where this is leading?

    It is what it is…and nothing more. I’m not going to be something that I’m not.

    READ: Any idea about me changing from this position is hopeless. I’m going to be a pushy bitch. Get used to it.

    I’m smart. I ask questions. I think and process thoughts. I don’t act in haste. I’m not careless or reckless. My life is planned and structured and I think about how the actions that I take now will affect my future.

    READ: I am an anal-retentive control freak who will be satisfied with nothing less than total control of your life, as well as mine, under the false premise that “we” are managing “our” life. I’ll let you sign the papers, just like a real adult. Plus, as an added bonus, I’m indecisive and overly-cautious. I see a lot of Friday nights watching CSI re-runs in our future. And you’ll like CSI. No, I mean you WILL like CSI . . . or else.

    Some of the things that I like are candy, trucks, horses, chocolate, the color green, iphones, reality TV shows, the news – reading, watching and discussing, comedy, beer. If XXXX is airing a live trial, you best believe that I am watching it.

    READ: I have a morbid and unhealthy fascination with the minutia of the lives of complete strangers. You can pretty much count on me discussing Dancing With The Stars far more than discussing you.

    I am a prissy girl, but at the same time, I like to kinda cut loose, drink a lil too much and laugh and play. I have three tatts and I love them – will get more. Love guys with tatts. Piercings are cool too.

    READ: I’m a princess, but if you at least look like a “bad boy” I might fuck you. If you get me drunk. And it won’t be even half-decent. But then I’ll pretty much assume we’re on for marriage and kids. Did I mention I stopped taking my birth control?

    My partner MUST like dogs…I have three – a mini Daschund, a Yorkie and an English Bulldog. They are very important to me.

    READ: Far more important than you’re likely to be.

    If you’ve already been divorced 2 x, the third divorce will not involve me.

    READ: I prefer to be a widow. After the insemination is fine.

    Deal Breakers: You don’t have a valid driver’s license.

    READ: You must have a high-status car.

    You don’t pay your child support.

    READ: You must have sufficient resources to support me AND whatever other family issues you’ve created. I mean, after I divorce you, how will I know you’ll pay MY child support?

    Your ex is a stalker.

    READ: I want NO BAGGAGE from you, Sperm Donor! That DNA is mine and mine alone!

    You couldn’t get enough credit for 2 pieces of bubble gum.

    READ: You must have mad resources. Oh, and I’m going to put you into debt. In a big way.

    Criminal history outside of some general traffic issues.

    READ: We won’t bring up MY indiscretions. Everyone was peeing in that front yard that night. Oh, and I speed, so I don’t mind if you do too. I don’t want to be a hypocrite.

    So what are ya waiting for? Message me…let’s get this parrty started, right?!?!

    READ: OMG! I just lost another EGG! Please, please, please, give me some sperm! If I’m not pregnant – or at least engaged – by Christmas, my mother and sisters will never let me hear the end of it!

  58. A 6 with tatoos, who wants a guy who really turns her on YET is secure and stable.

    Standard fare from fat ass middle-ages american women these days.

  59. From a 46 yo 4 . . . on a good day.

    I want to find someone on this site who is just a regular guy. No major issues. We all have some but I don’t want someone running from the law. 🙂

    READ: Someone ELSE, that is. One relationship with an escaped prisoner is enough! I’ve learned my lesson! No felonies, please! (Misdemeanors considered).

    I believe in treating people as I want to be treated. I want to be treated like a queen so I will treat you like a king.

    READ: I want to be treated like a queen . . . so I will let you. In fact, I pretty much demand it. And you being treated like a king . . . sure. Fine. Whatever.

    Once I’m in a serious relationship, he is the only one and I put my heart and soul into it and give it my all.

    READ: I’m more than happy to obsess about you to the point of stalking, and if I see you speaking to another women even before we’re a firm couple, count on me to take the bitch out.

    I love all types of music but am a rocker girl at heart. You can’t go wrong with a little Led Zeppelin, Nickelback, Pink Floyd, etc. I like country too though. I have just about all genres in my collection. Not a huge fan of rap but some is ok. Eminem is pretty good but in small doses. 🙂

    READ: I haven’t listened to the radio since 1993. And I won’t date a black dude. Rednecks are fine, if they have their own truck and a job. And if you have a bitchin’ El Camino or a Camero, I’ll probably go down on you in the parking lot.

    I have a strange sense of humor and am not afraid to use it. 🙂 I am easily amused and I can find humor in almost any situation. (My Grandmother’s funeral for example. That’s a story for another time.)

    READ: I have no tact and often say incredibly embarrassing and inappropriate things in social situations. I cover up for this by using my “strange sense of humor” as a justification for nearly any appallingly embarrassing behavior.

    I love to read murder mysteries and have recently discovered Harry Potter. (My pseudo neice got me into it.)

    READ: I spend a lot of time on my own thinking about how to kill other people and get away with it. I fantasize about the children I am now convincing myself I don’t really want to have with strong projections on other people’s children.

    I absolutely love the beach. No matter how bad life might seem, sitting and watching the waves come in puts everything into perspective. I love the mountains too but would rather be at the ocean.
    READ: I spend a lot of my time clinically depressed.

    I am a big, beautiful woman and proud of it. I’m not one who is ashamed of myself or my body and won’t sit and pick at salads.

    READ: I’m fat and that’s not gonna change. Get used to it. Oh, and I like to be on top. A lot.

    I love to cook for my sweetie so I would love to find someone who likes to eat and isn’t picky about everything.

    READ: I love to cook, but I’m really bad at it and only know five recipes. Mac and Cheese is number one. And number four.

    I have 3 cats who are my babies. I had a dog who died a couple of years ago at 16. In other words, I love animals. 🙂

    READ: DANGER! WARNING! (And even though my dog is dead, I had him stuffed and mounted at the foot of my bed, so I can see his adorable face and bright glass eyes every morning when I wake up. You’ll get used to that, eventually.)

    I love kids too. Because of situations I never had any of my own but I don’t mind if I meet someone who has kids. They are a blessing from above and can be a true source of amusement sometimes. (The things that come out of their mouths!)

    READ: I’ve resigned myself to never breeding because I’m essentially too self-centered and lazy. But I’m willing to be self-centered and lazy for your children, too, as long as the little bastards don’t get in my way and leave the cats alone.

    I am a Christian but do not go to church. I have a problem with organized religion. The hypocrits and all.

    READ: I was brutally rejected in Church youth group by a buck-toothed boy who called me a hippo, and when I went crying to the pastor he vilely suggested Weight Watchers and a gym. Clearly, he didn’t truly love me the way Jesus does.

    Well, I think I’ve run on long enough. If you want to know anything else, send me a message. Good luck with your search!

    READ: Please, please, please talk to me and validate that I am a worthwhile human being whose vagina isn’t destined to atrophy before menopause. If I have to face one more Thanksgiving sitting across the table from my mother and sisters without a man, I’ll never forgive myself. Especially after what I did at my Grandmother’s funeral. Some people just have no sense of humor.

  60. Here you go. Copy and pasted off the dating site.

    I could write some lame profile saying everything the typical male wants to hear. Or I could be honest and say…. I am a female; which means I am as close to absolute perfection as you can get. With that being said, I expect more than most people settle for. I DO expect to be treated like the Queen I was in my previous life and consider myself to be now.

    I have a twisted, sarcastic sense of humor that is not appreciated or even understood by most. If you get my sense of humor, you might be someone I would be interested in. I have a Top Ten list of traits I look for, and a sense of humor is one of them; now you just have to knock out the other nine!! That list is available upon request.

    You need to actually put some effort into keeping me entertained. I don’t find hiking ten miles to be entertaining, unless of course you’re going to fall on your butt and roll backwards down a hill. Otherwise, I would consider this to be some demented form of torture. I am not a survivalist or a sports star. I am a woman in the most feminine sense of the word. I do not like insects or any other type of slimy creature. I can be overly emotional given the right atmosphere. So choose your activities wisely.

    I have been told I am a “self involved” person; it’s not my fault the world revolves around me.

    In all seriousness I am generally considered to be easy going and easy to talk to; and those who know me understand my sense of humor, style and overall attitude.

    I have a son that is legally considered to be an “adult”. However there are moments that I definitely have my doubts. This leaves me the freedom to come and go as I please, as long as work permits. I am content going out and letting loose, staying home watching a movie or reading a book. It just depends on the company, the movie and the book.

    Please DO NOT respond if you fall into any of the following categories……

    Dishonesty/Faithful…. there go 90% of all men
    Physical (lack of: grooming, style etc.)…… another 5% eliminated
    Irresponsibility…. another 3% gone
    Over sensitive (clingy)…. another 1% shot down.

    That leaves 1% of men that might fill my expectations for my Top Ten list.

    • “I could write some lame profile saying everything the typical male wants to hear.”

      That’s already a red flag. You are after a great guy, and then say that what the typical male wants, is lame.

      “Or I could be honest and say…. I am a female; which means I am as close to absolute perfection as you can get.”

      You’re not what the typical male wants. So how could you be anything close to perfection?

      “With that being said, I expect more than most people settle for.”

      That’s true, most people when in a relationship, finally settle for divorce. You’re settling for a date, at most.

      “I DO expect to be treated like the Queen I was in my previous life and consider myself to be now.”

      Yeah? I was a king in my past life. Problem is you are living in this life, tough noogies.

      Too tired seeing this type of entitlement, maybe someone else can finish up – she’s a good candidate for P&D, since all the love’s already been extracted from her time with badboys.

      1% of men? Lady … those 1% can do a lot better than you.

    • experimental on said:

      lol!!!! I LOVE the line…”you need to put some effort into keeping me entertained.” wtf? lol!!!!

  61. Jester on said:

    While this is an email from a woman and not a profile, I’m sure most of you will understand the silly smirk on my face after reading this. You may need a strong drink for this… C&P spelling disasters and all…

    “after reading your profile it has made me even more interested in you, wowhave you ever hit the nail on the head!! the picture thing is so true after all beauty is in the eye of the beholder not everyone agrees on what is beautiful and yes our own perception of our pictures are also clouded. And yes alot of profiles are full of crap but mines not :)) now I don’t know if I’m your type or not but I think you are mine, seeing you with the animals shows me that you have a good heart. the truth about me ? I am the mother of eight, three of which are out on their own, my 22 year old daughter is still living at home with me along with the four younger ones that So, because you have never read an honest profile, let me be the first: I smoke more than I’d like to, I weigh more than I’d like to (I’m 5’7″, 210lbs.) The pictures may not appear that way but I’m pear shaped and have, ahem, the nice term is a booty. My pictures are recent. When I say Christian on my profile, I mean it. When I say passionate about everything, I mean it – I would never say I was Christian when I wasn’t, as I find a lot on this site. To me, Christian just means I’m a believer, and trying to be a better person every day – yes I go to church. I don’t force my beliefs on others, however if you ask, I’m more than happy to answer and debate. I have shitty credit. It’s getting better, there are a lot of excuses for that but ultimately it’s my fault. You look too young for me, but I like your height. I love your profile, it’s the first honest one I’ve found. I don’t smoke in the house, my house is clean but my bedroom is a mess and so is my van. Sometimes it’s so full of coffee cups that they fall out when I open the door, lol. I’m sweet and kind and honest and funny and I have lots of people around who love me. I was the bosses daughter and my husband married me cause he thought he would have it made. My marriage was devastatingly loveless and heartbreaking. I got out 11 years ago and thought I would be remarried by now, but I have not found my husband and time is running out.I have adopted and they are 10,7,3,1. I have 3 dogs, a cockatoo, an African grey and any number of dogs and puppies that my daughter and I rescue and transport to the northern rescue where they find loving homes for them. Not to mention the odd wild animal/ bird that we have had to take in. my personality ? well I love to joke around and laugh and truly can be a pain in the ass. I am a primary care nurse that works in a clinic in northern Saskatchewan. If you are the least bit interested ask away and I will tell you because I believe in honesty. if your not interested that’s fine too, but to bad for me cause I think your a good choice. oh, you might be wondering why if I’m out in Saskatchewan am I looking in Ontario? well because where is it written that my soul mate has to be living in my sector of the world? Michelle”

    Because dating doesn’t suck enough, let’s try dating from 4431 km’s (2753 miles) away! =D Can’t knock her for trying, but geez… Great job selling yourself huh? lol

  62. Ian Ironwood on said:

    A 46 year old with a 6 body and a 4 face she hides behind her hair and only photographs when the shadows can obscure it.

    I am looking for my potentially husband!

    READ: And a sixth grade grammar book. But I thought I’d put you on notice, if there’s no ring, there’s no reason to call.

    I am a single parent of wonderful children.

    READ: They’re a collective pain in my ass, but I’m counting on them as my meal ticket in my old age if you don’t work out. So please work out, marry me, take care of me, and let me kick them out of the damn house.

    I am trusting,faithful,honest,smart,motivated,family values and respectful.

    READ: I’m not, really, but that’s what I want in a man, so I’m hoping if I lie you won’t notice it at first. Note I put “trusting” right up front. That’s Femalespeak for “gullible”.

    Also in the near future I want to open a home health care agency.

    READ: So I don’t just want a soul mate, I want an investor. And probably an unpaid worker. But either way, don’t count on seeing too much of me.

    Some things that I enjoy are,cooking,movies,comedy clubs,riding motorcycles,plays,traveling,reading,site seeing,shooting pool,quite candle lite dinners at home and cuddling.

    READ: I made most of that shit up, but that’s what I want in a man, so I’m hoping if I lie you won’t notice at first. Notice I didn’t say anything about sex? There’s a reason for that.

    I am looking for someone who open doors,pull out the chair,a handy man!

    READ: I’m tired of my rude kids treating me like crap and want my ass kissed. Plus, my house is a dump and I need someone who can pay to have it repaired.

    He must have an out going personality,romantic,trusting,have family values.

    READ: He must not cheat on me and be willing to spend a lot of money on me and my ungrateful kids.

    He must be motivated to want more out of life, and enjoy the finer things.

    READ: He’d better be rich.

    Someone who is the head..but know his woman is the neck that supports the head!

    READ: And that’s about all the head you’re gonna get with me, buster. And when I say “support”, I really mean “tell him what to do while I spend all of his money”.

    I want us to come home after a long day and lend an ear to the other.

    READ: I want to come home after a long day and talk your ear off for two hours about the lives at people at work that you don’t even know, while never actually asking you anything about your day. Just deal with it. That’s how it’s going to be.

    There’s no such thing is 50/50 in a relationship, not unless you don’t love someone.

    READ: So if you love me, you will put up with my unreasonable shit. If you don’t put up with my unreasonable shit, you don’t love me. Simple as that.

    When you love someone and the feelings are mutual, you will go the extra mile.

    READ: If you love me, you will buy me things. A lot of things. A lot of expensive things. Or you don’t love me.
    I don’t have time for games,or grown men who loves to play them!

    READ: If you object to me owning your wallet and your testicles, keep moving, buster. I only want the weak-willed rich ones with no sex drive.

    If you do not meet these requirements please don’t waste my time! No pic no response!

    READ: I’m a demanding bitch who requires no less than perfection. And damn it you had better be handsome and rich! And a little bit blind, because I’m not 25 anymore. Or even 35. But that doesn’t mean I don’t . . .

    I DESERVE THE BEST IN THIS WORLD….

    READ: If you just threw up in your mouth a little over my sense of entitlement, you’d better not call me.

    I would like for the guy to greet me with some flowers, and already have planned out the date. I want to see how creative and romantic you are, so surprise me!

    READ: I want to see how much money you are willing to spend on me, sight unseen, before I decide if you’re worth keeping. I want you to act like an Alpha, of course, but be my beta bitch from the get-go. Because I deserve the best in the world. Really. My mother told me.

  63. No comment… just wow…

    http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=18691882

    Profile here:

    I’m looking for that magic and it is called love. Keep an open mind and your soul will be open to find that soul mate we all yearn for. I know often it doesn’t happen overnight. It has for me before…but again that doesn’t happen often and it won’t happen when I don’t get out much these days but I don’t really care how long it takes I will find that next person and hopefully the last one I love in #4.

    I will be honest. I want someone better then me, someone that can teach me something and open to learn from me as well. I am known to be a smart girl. I have been in love three times and have been in two relationships. And, it seems I love more and deeper each time. And, I have actually become a better person and learned from each of my lovers. I don’t like to hurt people but it turn I end up getting hurt more because I always worry about the other party and I was end up getting hurt.

    I am currently looking for a job because I have kind of a wreckless side to me, I wasn’t going to but I hit the black jack tables and lost my money to pay my bills so I have to get a job so I can pay my bills. Same thing happen that was close to a tragedy years back when I lost a ton of money on the tables. I’ve played from Vegas to Macau. I use to do fairly well but when I broke up with my first ex-boyfriend but given I have a low threshold for pain I went on a wreckless gambling spree. For some reason that always seem to help me forget my woes. I have been told twice by two people, one a man and one a woman (both in or close to their 50’s) that I was perfect except for my gambling.

    Back to that, I started chasing my losses. I basically lost my nut, I loss as much as most people should have in their retirement accounts at 65. And, I earned ever penny of it working 10-12 hours a day. I still think its important to have a good job to provide for a family but I had a lot of time to think of whats important. And, its the same as it always had been to me, to be able to enjoy and spend my time with my family and friends. And, I am very down-to-earth and not very materialistic. However, i do enjoy toys.

    So, for the past few years I have been struggling and paying for my wreckless behavior and fixing everything I caused and i spent a lot of time reflecting. And, I am trying to get over this hump. And, all it would be is to get off my arsh and get a job and study every night. Yes, it was fun but paying for it wasn’t. You know how when it “rain it pours”? Boy did it pour… I went through hell, even an IRS audit. I use to make more in a couple months then people did in entire year and I took that for granted. Actually, I was devastated because I am the type of person that always had my life planned out. Not everything works as planned as I learned. But, I did everything I was suppose to do. I went straight to college out of high school.

    The mistake was I stayed in a relationship where we both loved each other but we were completely incompatible for way too long. And, I had to get out. He couldn’t function when it was time and I let myself be in this relationship six more months to hold him up. But, it got pretty bad and I had to get out. It took him three years for him to talk to me. Then he contacted me and I think he wanted to see if there was anything still there before he moved on.

    When I was rebounding he was in therapy then there was that period was completely alone for two years and he was in a relationship, but finally after four years I was healed. I was productive and I felt good about myself. Then a girl in my building was introduced to me and I felt sorry for her and helped her with resources I didn’t have and I couldn’t get rid of her. My parents always said I have a tendency to help people before I can help myself. She even made suicidal threats if I left or not let him in my life. which is probably the reason I kept her around but we did become best friends and it was great. We joked around and laughed and smiled. I was happy. I even tried to get her laid. She worked as my assistant and I am kind of a perfectionist and never was the best at telling people how to do things right. I end up hurting their feelings. She told me (when she had to moved out of our building because she quit her job-she thought they were going to ambush her and give her a drug test) and I didn’t know her that well or what was happening when I first met her otherwise I would have advised her differently. She was the first best friend since I had since 5th grade. Friendship has always been important to me. Things became terrible after she professed her feelings for me and being that she was insecure I just went along with it because I loved her as a friend and I didn’t want to hurt her I was very unhappy for various reasons. I am the type to celebrate love but given the situation, there was no celebration but a lot of sneaking around and she had lied to me and I was done and didn’t want anything to do with her so I emailed her parents because I wanted her to be safe,the girl was a compulsive liar. That’s how she survived but she was going through such a tough time and it was so hard for me to walk away from her. And, finally her parents sent her away so she could fix herself and maybe they were also suspect that there was something going on with us. I was kind of relieved this way I could focus on my studies but I found myself missing her so much I cried every night for a month. I went and visited her and told her I was unhappy and I couldn’t do it for much longer and she said she wasn’t ready and she made me stay in it and she said I was perfect but I wasn’t a man and I won’t ever me because I love being a woman. But the heart wants what the heart wants.

    Originally she told me that if I tried this relationship thing and that if it didn’t work out we could be friends. We weren’t friends and it seemed she was out for blood because on the same day I went out there to have this note notarized. I told her it was for my Dad and so he won’t feel like I was being scammed and then I tried to break up with her. Not smart or good timing but I was so unhappy. I tried to get out several times when she was still in town. She had shared stories with me about how her ex would break up with her even after she got the ticket to visit him. The girl could bear a lot of pain. I was lucky, men have always treed me well. With her, not so much from the stories she told me. And, stupid me breaks up with her after I get her to notarize a note of the monies she owes me and my family. Forget the money I didn’t have that I spent on her. I only expected her to pay back what she borrowed from me and my family and she has yet to pay us. Its been over a year and I am actually starting to feel less pains from the entire situation.

    I was betrayed. She’s a typical trapper. I don’t consider myself gay but I loved her very much. And, I have never been or even thought about a woman in that way…with her I loved her because she was my best friend.

    Like us all she had issues. She cared more of having a facade that what was real. She won’t try to get a hold of me to return my things that she took or even pick up her clothes that she mixed in my closet at my parents house. And, not even a good faith effort to make payments of what she owes me and my parents. She made me lose a lot of my trust with them. And, she let me hurt when all I did was help her. Women are scary and I am glad that I a woman as well and prefer men. I never thought of a woman in that way. She was my best friend and she guilted me into being with her and I really didn’t have the heart to turn her down, however I was shocked to say the least when she aggressively pursued me.

    I noticed men that had me on a pedestal didn’t really approve of this too much. I wasn’t perfect to them anymore or they figured I was never attracted them to begin with. But I never told any of the men I hung out with that I wanted more then friendship. It’s so obvious to me but maybe it wasn’t to them. Some of my friends tease me still and say things like, “So what are you looking for these days?” I am not insecure and I accept what happened. I fell in love with her. But, we never had sex and there were reasons to why it didn’t happen. But, I have never kissed in so many bathroom stalls in my life…but it was all pretty much emotionally driven, however she was an amazing kisser.

    Now, again…I am looking for that magic and I doubt I will find it here but if you don’t try how will you find it. The guy before her was another taboo type of relationship. He was 10 years my junior and I did love him as well but I didn’t want him to be resentful of me 10 years later because he had a lot of life to learn. I was 32 and he was 22. I thought he needed to experiment more life. He always asked me if I loved him but I couldn’t answer and be responsible for breaking his heart. He looked like a man not a kid. In fact, in our pictures he didn’t looked any younger then I was. And, that’s the one I should have dated. Maybe the “one I let go”. He was a beautiful person and because of what is expected of us in this life we tend to do what “they say is right for us”. Not what we think is right.

    If #4 comes my way and I feel the love I will never let go again and I will do what it takes to give it a true effort to find out if this is it. And, one good thing is, none of my past lovers are local. I don’t have any baggage that you would have to deal with unless you had some. These planned out dates and profiles leaves an expectation that dismisses the quality of spontaneity that true romance manifests itself. I have never been successful in finding romance on one of these things.

    • Andrea on said:

      She’s updated her profile, and wow, is she angry (or bitter). I guess 6 months of looking for “magic” has worn her down. She has posted a ton of pics of her with all kinds of men, which seems kind of strange. Here’s part of her newest diatribe:

      “I’m going to cut-to-the-chase in efforts to not waste anyone’s time. I am looking for a relationship but I am going to get away from my novels. Many of U don’t seem to read it anyway. I don’t work out or do really anything. My doctor cousins say we have the best genes on both sides of the family.

      My favorite dress attire are boxer shorts and a tank top or no top. But my neighbor just shared to me that him and his 10 year old son (now 12) would watch me naked and his son calls me the “Naked Lady” bc I often go home and am in a hurry to just take everything off. Its really humid here.

      Anyway, I am told from people that “don’t know me” that I am arrogant, a biatch, that I don’t care about the building and do what I want (I swear some of the dumb rules they tailor make for me-this is of course second hand info.”

      • experimental on said:

        the first one, I was like…whoa…that long? really? I know, I’m one to talk, right? Anyway…lol…yeah, the second one made her seem REALLY appealing, huh? 😀

  64. the only good thing about her is she is attractive. Because of that, she’ll never have trouble finding a bf, despite the fact she screams “train wreck.”

    At least she lets you know whats wrong with her. And I find her admitting to hypergamy refreshing.

  65. Damn. This one takes the cake. Cut and pasted just part of it. Hell, she hasn’t even finished expelling her husband from the house and she’s out dating again on the dating site. I think I just puked in my mouth a little.

    Here:

    I am most proud, right now, of getting out of a marriage that stifled me. (I am currently undergoing the divorce process. We are stuck in the same house for now but we have a custody arrangement set up for the kids and if I have them, he’s not here. When he has them, I either get out for the day, or hole up in my office and work. Not ideal, I know! We have been separated since June 2011) I am also proud of being a mom and of taking a huge step in starting my own business in order to support myself. I am crazy independent and have learned the last few months that help is sometimes very necessary (if painful) to accept. 😉

    I am most grateful for my family and my supportive friends and my relationship with God, hands down.

  66. Ian Ironwood on said:

    Note to the Ladies:

    When you first engage a man on-line at a dating site, and you get past the first email, then launching into the gleeful account about how you fleeced your ex in the divorce settlement does not suggest “Happily Ever After” to any dude you send it to. Just sayin’.

    • The above thing I posted wasn’t even from an e-mail., it’s part of the text of her profile. Whew. Deluded to say the least, ROFL.

    • experimental on said:

      lol. Ian! I already knew that. I guess I feel pretty advanced in my knowledge of online dating for already having known that. After getting past the first email with a dude I contacted in one of my online dating profiles, I did mention about how I was hiding out from a psycho ex, which I am sure wasn’t at all appealing or suggestive of the “Happily Ever After” a lot of women are chasing, however, he did ask a question point blank, and I was really only answering him honestly. It went well…he and I exchanged many more emails after that, some of them really long, and we went out on 5 or 6 dates before I totally ruined it through something completely unrelated and unrelated to online dating or my online dating profile.

  67. Ian Ironwood on said:

    Note to the Gents:

    When a lady bombs out in an email, don’t just ignore her. Tell her no, thanks, and then explain to her why she bombed out. Maybe if we start educating them, they’ll take the hint.

    • P Ray on said:

      May just be creating better liars.
      On the other hand, the greatest ones, nobody knows they’ve lied.

      • You may be right about creating better liars, but it should come out easily as far as any wise and discerning-eyed man is concerned. I get women, whom always claim victim status when men “suddenly change”, but women are waaaaaay too proud to change for men and their stupidity in their profiles shows.

    • experimental on said:

      That’s good, Ian. It’s the nice, gentlemanly thing to do. I wish a lot of guys had extended me that courtesy. There were a lot of guys whom I apparently bombed out with, and they didn’t write back and tell me why. I really wish they would have. Even if it was an “I thought you were just so much uglier in person than your pictures and I felt deceived.” Ok, I’d like it to be a LITTLE more tactful than that. And it may hurt a little bit if they said that. Especially since I have never attempted to be deceitful in my pictures. But I’d still appreciate the honesty and constructive criticism. And it would help me better myself and hopefully not have an unnecessary falling-out in a future endeavor.

  68. Jay-sus:

    I am a single mom with two kids. No sympathy needed, I am doing it just fine. A man actually had the nerve to message me and tell me that most men will not date a woman with one child let alone two, and that I speak of my children too much in my profile..WELL GTF OVER IT! I gave birth to these children, and they are my life. Accept it or move on. I guess you have to be a parent to understand. I am looking for a man who actually likes children, and maybe even has a few that he takes care of. I work a full time job while I attend college online. After earning my degree I plan to work as a substance abuse counselor. My kids and my job are pretty much my life. I am not on here to meet guys to “hook up” with. Sex is great with the right person, but I am not into doing the nasty with random men..so if that’s what youre looking for..move along please. I will not be bringing you around my kids until you prove your not a pedophile pyscho. And even then I will be cautious. Maybe I seem ridiculous..I am old fashioned. I want a husband. But I will not just settle for anyone..I want THE ONE. He just has not found me yet and hence here I am! So about me, I like to sing. I love to watch the Saints win, but I will watch football just for the heck of it as well. I love music. I am opinionated about almost everything.

    • Ian Ironwood on said:

      This one has “incipient bitter ex-wife” written all over it. Goddess, is there ANYTHING she brings to the table that’s a positive?!?

      • Love how she says she is old fashioned but has two bastard children and never married.

      • Not at all. For a traditional gal, she sure found away to make her ex-hubby disenchanted enough to leave. I wonder how many times Miss Old fashioned brought her ex the paper and slippers after a long day of work? Probably way more likely to bring the nagging and bitching that he has enough of during his work day…

  69. Man this one sounds so pleasant. If you asked her for a sammich she’d stab you in the face:

    Single, never married, no kids, 39

    I am a self employed professional, who is very determained and picky . I have many interests in the field of art and travel, have traveld out of the United States Extensivley. Am Looking for a truthful person. No slackers allowed. Have interest in the arts, meuseums, exercise, hiking, travel ect.
    Am not interested in small talk like “oh Baby you are the one. or
    Sweetie how much money do you make. Have friends , who were stupid enough to fall for these lines, I am not the one.
    Hold 2 college degress. love warped sense of humor. amusic from classical to pop. Swiming, horsebackriding and numerous other sports. am into yoga and pilates.
    I have many things to offer the right person . are you the one??

    • just visiting on said:

      Damn. I just felt an icy shiver go up my spine.

    • It would be fun to have a Match profile with the headline: “Go make me a better sammich!”

    • Ian Ironwood on said:

      Something tells me she’s not interested in fellatio, either. Just a wild guess.

      • She claims two college degrees but my 8th grader can spell better than her.

        To wit:

        determained
        traveld
        meuseums
        ect.
        degress
        amusic
        Swiming
        horsebackriding

    • Museums, art, travel…ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Do women even try to be interesting to guys? Nope. “Eat, Pray, Cats.”

      • experimental on said:

        lol, no…not really. Women go on those sites hoping they can meet a man who is NOT like the ones they just meet in life. The men they meet in real life are self-absorbed jerks who only care about themselves. They go on those sites as a departure, hoping they can meet someone different, someone who actually cares about them and their feelings (the women) as opposed to themselves (the men) Just honestly answering the question. A lot of women hope for and dream that there is a man out there who cares about them and their feelings/interests/etc. and is not selfish, only caring about himself.

  70. Ian Ironwood on said:

    Haven’t done one of these in a while. This is a 38 yo SV6-7, depending on lighting.

    I would like think there is still hope in the world of dating.

    READ: Dear God, I’m desperate.

    I have been on and off XXXXXXX for a few years now, just never really met anyone here.

    READ: I’ve sent a couple of emails, but when the dudes realized I wouldn’t put out fairly quickly, they quit writing back.

    My work is my life – which, can be a problem for some and caused me to lose my marriage.

    READ: DANGER! WARNING! Workoholism = Low Nookie Quotient. I mean, if I didn’t give it up to my ex because filing reports was more important, what chance do you have? Really?

    I am trying to start doing things outside of work and am finally ready for a “grown up relationship”.

    READ: I fucked up my last one, and I’m hoping that you’ll be either more gullible than my ex or richer. I don’t care much which one.

    My hobbies, when I’m not working, are cooking, drinks, entertaining, the beach, listening to live music (all ranges except Heavy Metal, and rap), going out to restaurants for a nice dinner or cooking dinner at home during the week, farmer’s markets, long drives, the mountains – outdoor activities – okay, I’m not a big camper, but will try anything, and traveling the world!

    READ: I’ve suddenly realized that I’m in my late 30s, no kids, I’m getting fatter, and I haven’t been on a date in a year. So now I suddenly want you to come along, knock me up, and then spend a lot of money on you while I slowly cut you off for sex over a three-year span.

    My goal is to live life, it’s short and I’d like to meet someone to live it with!

    READ: Oh, CRAP! Was that another egg? I’ve only got like two dozen left before . . . before . . . OH GOD!

    At one time, until about a year ago, I did work out – now, I’m just working to create balance. I do enjoy positive mentalists and think life is beautiful!

    READ: By “work out” I mean “joined a gym”, then quit going after two weeks because it didn’t really work with my work schedule, and who am I kidding, anyway? I’m 38 FREAKIN’ YEARS OLD! Those college age be-yatches at the gym were intimidating, anyway. But I still pay the membership, so I’m still technically “working out”, aren’t I?

    My dating goals are to meet someone to do things with, enjoy life with and to create a life together (eventually). I’d love to have a family, but, certainly understand that time isn’t working on my side at this point, but you never know.

    READ: Sweet Jesus, I want your sperm! Quickly! Premature ejaculators to the front of the line! If I don’t have a baby by the time I’m 40 my mother will FREAK OUT!

    I am very no nonsense and expect that the person I’m talking to, have their mess together. Financially, mentally, and if there are children, that needs to be under control.

    READ: Have a job, don’t have a vasectomy, and if you have kids from a previous marriage, they’d better not come between me and my sperm.

    Overall, I’m pretty understanding and flexible, but, am willing to not settle either.

    READ: Who am I kidding? Really, if you show up with an assistant manager’s job at Bojangles and own a 1995 busted-ass minivan, you know, as long as you look good in a tux, can lie convincingly to my mother, and are still fertile, dude, we can make this happen!

  71. If I ever meet someone that I think is normal I’m posting her profile here for bro analysis and gut check. Not kidding.

  72. This about says it all, only a snip is necessary:

    Single, never married mom of two toddlers:

    My first date I just want a man to BUY my dinner and take me to a movie with his money. A man who is willing to spend his money on me. Not a gold digger just hoping for a man who believes I am worth everything.

    • LOL! Hysterical.

    • experimental on said:

      Can’t put the words “gold digger” as a woman, even if it is preceded by “not” or some other negative, as men will always just think you are just for even saying it. Also putting out there that you want the guy to pay for everything on a profile? Really? Amateur. You can really NEVER do that. She probably still has men contact her, but my guess is that her attempt isn’t all that successful here.

  73. If this isn’t wife material I don’t know what is:

    **Disclaimer: Girl in profile is much more complicated than she appears!**

    I just moved back to the East Coast a few weeks ago and I thought I’d see who all is out here. 🙂

    I’m not interested in any games or juvenile/immature relations. You need to be able to hold yourself well, be very stable, be spiritual, be independent and enjoy “me” time, and be able to handle me. You can not be clingy, passive/aggressive, controlling, insecure, voluntarily unhealthy, or have unresolved ex issues. I like someone fairly taller than me. I will NOT get involved if you are a Virgo or a Gemini!!

    I’m a Mac girl, I like Central time better than Eastern time, I love to laugh, read or listen to (audio)books, bake, spend time with my friends and family, travel, and I love dogs. I’m allergic to cats so if you have them don’t bother contacting me as I will not be able to be around you or your place hehe. I’m finicky. I have ongoing medical issues and will be needing another surgery in several months. I’m fairly open-minded and you need to be, too.

    I want to get back into horseback riding and am currently taking my RCIA classes. 🙂

    P.s –> I’m not vanilla. If you don’t know what this means then chances are we wouldn’t work. Save us both the time, please!

    Also… if you’re going to message me put some effort into it. I’m not desperate and I get annoyed easily by poor grammar or lame pick-up lines. I’m not lying when I say I’m complicated so if I’m not impressed by your first message I’ll just delete, ignore, or block. Seriously.

    **I have nothing in my profile about enjoying camping or fishing because they aren’t my favorite things to do. I also am NOT smiling in my picture. GAH!**

  74. This wasn’t too bad but then there was this:

    My goal is to find a true companion in life. I have met many of my personal goals such as an education, career that I love, house, car, no bad debt:) I have a credit score well into the 800s:)

    First time I’ve seen a woman advertise her credit score. I guess maybe that’s not such a bad thing. Odd though.

  75. Here’s another one. I bet after reading all the requirements, including the last sentence warning, hundreds of quality men will jump at the chance to have a date with her:

    About Me
    I’m honest, trustworthy, college educated, well traveled, attractive, cultured, liberal, non-smoker, family oriented, optimistic about the future, sociable, learning Portuguese, LOVES SAMBA, enjoys foreign film, honest & enjoys foreign film.

    The Socialwork & teaching professions aren’t overflowing with hot candidates so I’m casting a wider net!

    My stubbling block…… i’ve heard I’m unapproachable. The most “unline” works “Hello!”

    WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR—

    HONEST; leads an active lifestyle; college educated; attractive; LOVES WOMEN OF COLOR; humorous; practical; at least 5ft 6in & height weight proportionate; financially responsible; have a great personality; spiritual; well traveled; “deal closer” & will take the lead as a MAN; good communication skills; thoughtful; responsible; likes to dance; must have your car and house / apartment and is a man of substance

    First Date
    This is a no-brainer but important all the same. This event requires the following: two interested parties, their best effort, and a solid date strategy.

    Interested parties – the point of dating is to learn about the other person and to market yourself so turn your phone on vibrate and give facebook a rest until you visit the little boys room or vice versa.

    Best effort – 1) Everyone shows up on time. 2) Put some effort into your hygeine & appearance.

    Solid date strategy – guy should initiate with 1) an official date idea or activity that does not involve “I’ll come to your house” or “You can come to my house” “Let’ get together on —–. I’ll call you on the day of to discuss the details.” 4) Confirmation of the date with the itinerary. Being easy going & laid back isn’t an excuse to not put any thought into the date.

    A first date should involve an opportunity to talk & get to know each other further. Talking is necessary…. Sorry it just is so get chatty. DO NOT MONOPOLIZE THE CONVERSATION. Then follow up with an active outing or something that teaches me about your interests or that you’d like to learn with someone that you wouldn’t do with your guy friends.

    Things to do — coffee, cultural event, sporting event (i’ve got lot’s to learn but i’m receptive), quirky little local events, and when in doubt ASK.

    Most importantly, TAKE THE LEAD! You are the man & I am a woman (not sub-species) so demonstrate your outstanding qualities. I will not quibble over the check — yes you are responsible. The door & the chair, you should have this as well.

    If you have a great date. Set a plan for a future date. Don’t get frisky or suggestive unless you really are getting the green light. You’ll know it when you see it! if I swat your hand away know that it is NOT a love lick 🙂

    If any of the above is undesirable or offends you then we may not be compatible for a first date.

    • MaMu1977 on said:

      S
      Ahem, I’ll handle this…

      I’m looking for a man. Preferably (and by preferably, I mean nothing but) White or Brazilian. I’ve been pumped and dumped by enough “alpha” black guys to man a side of football, but the non-alpha black guys won’t fuck me because they know about my reputation and Brazilian guys are hot and white guys seem like they’d put up with me not putting out before marriage.

      O

    • She says “college educated” but doesn’t state what her qualifications are.

      Some people go into college/university, and drop out after a year/semester/week and call themselves “college educated”.

      Lying or diminishing the truth by omission/lack of detail, on a relationship network is already one red flag.

      • Truth. My aunt, who is no trophy even in her young days, once told me that she “went to [my first high school]”…sounds fine and dandy until I caught her resume laying out that she dropped out in the 11th grade and got her GED. LOLWUT? Dad tells me that she got bullied, but we both wondered how she was so lazy not to just transfer…wow.

      • experimental on said:

        So now I can say I am “grad-school educated” or “law school educated”? Woohoo!!!! I did not know that. The things you learn on this site. 😀

  76. One from OKCupid:

    I spend a lot of time thinking about

    Whether I would prefer to be hit on in a bar, where I might at least get a drink, or online, where they can’t touch me.

    I LOVE gender roles. It’s awesome being a woman dating. Picking and choosing, getting free dinners and drinks. If it wasn’t for the occasional threat of death or rape, I’d probably never settle down.

    • That’s thick. I turned down a coworker chick and stalking rumors that nobody believed were started about me. A few years later, when I ended up running that particular place of business, I come home to get met by a local cop right after I slipped into bed after a 15-hour day who asks my whereabouts. At 4:30am in the middle of REM sleep, a detective tells me so-and-so got kidnapped that I went to high school with for my senior year. Oh, wow. Hand them my HS yearbook and point myself out and her–she was the kooky twin sister who was carrying a babybelly that year, btw–and we part ways. Evidently, that solved everything, because it turns out she cheated on hubby and burned the house down and needed and alibi. All she got from the courts was a few years probation, but she’s been in trouble since…

      #Firstworldwomenproblems…yawn.

  77. This one is interesting. She’s discovered something about South Florida dating and she actually might think about the Red Pill.

    http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=29760371

    Here’s her rant:

    This probably isn’t the right forum for this but I had to put this out there. Dating absolutely sucks. I have altogether lost any sort of confidence in the opposite sex and here are my reasons why.

    Now, before I go on, I do need to point out that I’ve met a few decent guys on here and you know who you are since we’re still friends. (And no, I don’t mean, YOU douchebag, the one that said all those awful things to me and proclaimed himself to be my friend). SOOOOO, excluding those guys, let me tell you what bugs me about the rest of you.

    This might hurt a little so read on with caution because this is a reality check for many of you. First of all, I am so tired of guys complaining about how shallow the women on here are. The same guys who would think that its awful for a woman to be shallow are the same ones that tell me that they would never date a fat girl or someone older than them. I’ve had guys who are so chubby that they can’t see their private parts complain about the fat girls that write them. I had one guy tell me he is disgusted by the 50-year old women who write to him when those women are only 4 years older than him and he is freaking 8 years older than me. Do you all have distorted mirrors??? You sag and age just as bad as we do. Some actually worse. Get over yourselves. Accept it and date someone in your attractiveness bracket. Let me ask you this. If you are trade school material, do you honestly think that you are going to get into an Ivy League University? I think not.

    Another thing I am tired of hearing is all the whining about how women like guys who treat them bad. First of all, if you really looked at it objectively, what’s the one thing those guys have that you probably don’t? Good looks? EXACTLY! And you KNOW you are willing to put up with a lot of craziness from a hot chick so who are you to judge?? Besides that, I firmly feel that this misconception is due to the fact that you are again trying to date outside of your attractiveness bracket. If the playing field was level, you’d have a better experience. Not so for us women! We can be better looking, more educated, funnier,etc. and the guy will still be a complete douche. Sure we can leave…and some of us smart ones do but not before the guy has done some serious damage…and you guys are quite skilled in that area. I don’t see many women running around treating good looking men bad just because or leaving them for no particular reason.

    Then there are the hot guys. You all suck too. Here’s why. You think that just because you are hot, you can treat people however you want. When a woman actually calls you out on it, she must be a complete lunatic, crazy, etc. I mean, God forbid, a woman hold you to your word when you say that you are going to do something and you don’t do it. I’m sure you do that to your boss at work all the time. Yeah, right. Most of you are looking for a doormat. Well, they sell those at Walmart so why don’t you head on over there and pick one up? Oh wait, I forgot. POF is free. You probably don’t want to spend the $20.

    Then, there are the sex-crazed, penis picture sending guys. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??? I know of only one woman who likes the penis pic. She has a collection on her phone. Aside from her, most of us are appalled. We really don’t care to look at that thing. Please put it away. AND…some of us don’t want you whipping it out on the first date asking us to kiss or touch it. I know this is shocking to you but its true.

    SOOOO, please tell me because I haven’t been able to figure it out, why exactly should a woman want to date you when this is all you have to offer? I suppose some of you will get lucky because you will find one of those women who likes money and you might happen to have some. I’m not one of those. I could care less if you have a ton of money, are as handsome as Brad Pitt, or are as powerful as a world leader. Be a decent person for Christ’s sake. That’s all I ask…and yet, so far I haven’t found.

    • Everytime a woman tells a guy he is shallow for having a body shape preference,
      point out that women always pick men taller than them as their boyfriends or husbands.

      Try this experiment sometime:
      Go into a mall, check all the couples.
      I can guarantee you 99.999999% of the time, the man will be taller than the woman.

      Hey lady, weight is something you can control.
      Height is something you can’t change (without breaking bones).

      That’s why I tune out women who say men are shallow; they’re looking to win a debate while ignoring objective reality.

    • “I don’t see many women running around treating good looking men bad just because or leaving them for no particular reason.”
      That’s because those women can’t easily replace those good looking men.
      Good behaviour by a woman towards a man, when he has a lot of other things going for him,
      is a reason why the player mentality is spreading.
      Blame women for wanting what other women want.
      The term she is looking for is “mate poaching”.

    • experimental on said:

      I laughed when I read that, although much of it is unfortunately true. And guys, sorry to burst your bubble if you still have one concerning this, but women really DON’T like those types of pictures. News flash: most women don’t think that thing is actually ATTRACTIVE from a looks-only standpoint. We don’t think it LOOKS attractive. Really, we don’t. We like the way it makes us FEEL. We don’t like the way it looks. Most of us don’t, anyway. Just being honest here. And not all women like men who treat them badly. Most of the women I know don’t. We don’t like “bad boys” either…most of the women I know don’t, anyway. But the opposite can be said about men. A lot of them like women who treat them badly. A lot of men like women who are biatches. Really. And about the height thing…I don’t think that is shallow at all to have a height preference. I think it all depends on how picky you are about it. If you say, I will only date someone who is 6’2 and NO OTHER HEIGHT…ok, that may be a little shallow. But to say, I want to date someone who is taller than me, and you are 5’0, so that means any guy 5’1″ or taller is in…that’s not shallow. The same goes with the weight thing. If you say, I don’t want a woman who is morbidly obese, and there are health reasons outside of the attractiveness factor that make me feel this way…ok, that’s not shallow. If you say, I will only date a tall skinny blonde who is at least 5’7″ and weighs 105 lbs or less (ewwww…guys…that is GROSS…too skinny…but whatever)…that is shallow.

      A lot of men have completely unreasonable expectations when it comes to weight…I mean, completely RIDICULOUS. It is nasty when a girl is walking around and she is a stick who looks like she hasn’t eaten in a month, or when her bones are showing…especially, like if her hip bones are showing and poking way out…that is SO NASTY and not at ALL attractive…GROSS!!! When I see that, it literally makes my hips hurt just catching a glimpse of it. It is such a shame that a lot of women are afraid to admit that they are “voluptuous” or “curvy”, because when men hear that, they automatically think, “FAT”. Well, guess what, guys? Voluptuous and curvy is sexy and it is NOT fat. The magazines are screwing you over publishing pictures of girls who could cut paper with their hip bones sticking out and getting it into your head that that is attractive…they are doing you a huge disservice. All of that is controlled by the fashion industry, which is ruled by GAY MEN. Thankfully, I have plenty of male friends and men that I meet whose minds aren’t manipulated in that way. Voluptuous and Curvy could ALSO mean top-heavy, and that is NOT fat. When you are a woman and have a 40″+ bust and a waste that is around 28″-29″ or so, then you are NOT fat…you are sexy. For the record, Marylin Monroe had measurements that were higher than that. It’s a shame that as a society we have gotten so far away from that. Furthermore, the skinny girls you desire are NOT healthy. Yeah, it is healthy not to have too much fat, but a certain amount IS healthy on a woman. I went through health classes in college, and I was at 15% body fat back then. They asked us what our goals were, and I said to lose 3% body fat down to 12%. They told me not only was that unhealthy, that the 15% I was at was unhealthy, and for a woman in the 20-30 year old range, a healthy body fat was in the 21%-25% range. Women NEED fat on their bodies for different reasons. Sure, excessive fat is bad and unhealthy….it shouldn’t be over 35%, but there are unhealthy extremes on BOTH sides. So it no longer becomes a matter of JUST looks…it’s about health too.

  78. Here’s a (fortunately brief) gem. In translation from womanese: I’m hot, and all men don’t deserve me, but just in case there’s one that does, here’s what I want:… Nothing about her, just what she wants:

    http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=33657819

    The picture alone will attract lots of quality men, supposedly.

    • Oops, she’s under 35. Didn’t read the requirements. My bad.

      But really, if one can legally drive, get married, drink, vote, and be elected to office, shouldn’t that mean they’re functioning adults, even if they’re young?

  79. Typical trash:

    Cut and pasted:

    I am a cheerleading coach. I coach ages 7-30 and I love it.

    Besides that, I am VERY family oriented. My family is very close and that will never change

    I have some of the best girl friends anyone could ask for. we definitely can cause some rukus during a fun night on the town. Dancing and bar hopping are our specialties. FYI – It is important for my friends to like you also! =)

    -Random Facts About Myself-
    I love funny movies
    Vince Vaughn & Will Ferrell are my favorites
    I am late 99.9% of the time
    Pink can solve anything
    Motorcycles are my weakness
    Sour candy is the shitttt
    I hate cold weather
    But love snowball fights & sledding
    I drive a Volkswagen Cabrio
    Coaching cheerleading is my passion
    Gin & Juice is my drink of choice
    I am a shopaholic & can easily shop for hours
    Shoes and purses are also my weaknesses
    Tattoos are sexy
    I am grossed out by butter teeth
    My friends are def. the best
    My family is my strength in life
    Hussy & Dub-T are my favorite words
    I love to laugh & love people who can make me laugh

  80. Don’t know if I posted this one before, if I did, it’s worth repeating. Yeesh.

    I’m a single mom and I’m doing the damn thing. I have 4 children, 2 girls ages 8 and 9 who live with their dad and two who live with me full time, a 2 1/2 year old girl and a 6 month old baby boy. My first focus is my children and behind that is my education. I’m really easygoing and easy to talk to. I don’t take life too seriously and I’m grateful for every day that I wake up. I took time out from dating after a horrendously crappy relationship and I’m ready to give this a go again.

    What I’m doing with my life
    I’m majoring in psychology so that I can go into the field of addiction counseling.

    The most private thing I’m willing to admit
    I’m a recovering addict.

  81. analyse this chick’s :

    http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Bildngsbrgertm

    cause I’m stumped.

    I’ve interacted with her and her age’s for real.

  82. Here we go, About a rating 6.5 in looks, is thin as a major plus, Age 38, vegetarian of course and works in the field of, wait for it, wait for it, sales/marketing. Yeesh. This one just screams wife material huh? She’d take all your stuff, your kids and your balls with her.

    ————————————————-

    I spent the better part of my youth discovering who I truly was and didn’t think about starting a family as early as some of my peers. Having fun and being able to laugh with the person I’m with is very important to me. I’m passionate about what I believe in and not afraid to be honest with others and most importantly myself. I’m highly independent and totally content with being on my own, unless that amazing guy comes along and sweeps me off my feet. Meeting people online freaks me out, but I’m trying to keep an open mind. Looking for someone that I am both physically and mentally attracted to…someone emotionally and financially stable that has their life together. Sense of humor is required. If you’re a Republican…don’t even waste your time.

    • Oh, and according to the pop psychology of the OkCupid personality ratings – she almost off the charts lower than average sex driven rating. So you get all of the above shitty attitude plus a dead fish in bed during the two times a month that she would deign to let you put the tip in a little bit. Hehehe.

      Lolz. I’m going to reach out to her and have some fun.

  83. Pirran on said:

    Ok, Female, 35 (no photo – should we be surprised?).

    And…then…this:

    “I march to the beat of my own drum. I love people who cannot help but be themselves, ALWAYS. I like to make as much noise as possible when I’m doing something. I don’t take compliments well. I never know what to say in return. You can always count on me for the poor delivery of any joke and the truth. You can usually find me causing trouble, causing a scene or causing a headache. Rarely do I hang up my clothes. I am hopelessly messy, and am occasionally insomniatic. I do everything my own special way and it’s usually the hardest way possible. If there is a button to push or a flip to be switched, I must do it. It’s totally ok for me to stare but not for you to stare at me. My main goal in life is making sure I laugh and smile more than anything else. I’m usually the first one to laugh at myself. If you can’t take a joke then I will probably have a hard time relating to you. My sarcastic humor will win you over in no time. Or so I’d like to think. I have a big heart, but a bigger mouth. I enjoy money but it will not lead me to a career I hate.”

    • Pirran on said:

      Mommee?….MOMMEEEE!!!…..Make the bad lady go away….

      Actually, I think she might have poisoned my dog…..or be hiding in the bushes RIGHT NOW….

      I’m never going outside again….

  84. Not even F’ing kidding. Copied and pasted right from this nutter’s profile. WTF?

    ****PRIVACY NOTICE:
    Warning–any person and/or institution using this website or any of its associated websites, you do NOT have my permission to utilize any of my profile information nor any of the content contained herein including but not limited to my photos. You are hereby notified that you are strictly prohibited from disclosing, copying, distributing, disseminating, or taking any other action with regard to this profile and the contents herein. The foregoing prohibitions also apply to your employee(s), agent(s), student(s) or any personnel under your direction or control. The contents of this profile are private and legally privileged and confidential information, violation of my personal privacy is punishable by law. It is recommended that other members post a similar notice to this or you may copy and paste this one.

    • That’s a winner for you! She thinks she’s so much of a boss that she can slap a C&P snopesesque statement on her profile and make her own rules…on a privately owned website to which she had to agree to their terms to be a member!

      BRILLIANT!

  85. IAN!!!!!

    Ian where are you? This needs some analysis. Age 35 – 7-8-ish age adjusted. Proud Christian. WTF?

    I am unique. I am sincere…not pretentious or fake. I am VERY honest. I am goal-oriented, good with details and words, and driven to succeed. I have a master’s degree in education, but it ended up taking me nowhere, so I am hoping to go back to school for a 2nd masters degree in professional writing with a concentration in web content design. I am currently reading a book for dummies on how to design web sites from scratch using HTML and CSS, but I am still in the very beginning stages. I just want to succeed so bad. I am determined. I take a lot of walks and think about my goals. I also hang out at the mall a lot. I like fashion and shopping, and am stylish. I like animals…especially cats. I like the beach, Atlantic City, the nightlife, club music, repeating strange hip hop lyrics, and comedies like The Hangover. I have a goofy, dirty sense of humor that I let loose with people that aren’t too uptight and rigid with social rules and norms, but a lot of the time I am in “mode serious” and I don’t always understand or know how to respond to the typical sarcastic sense of humor. This is due to the fact that I am a proud aspie. Yes, I have an autistic component to my personality, and yes, I am proud of it:) Lastly (and ironically, this should be first), I am a Christian, and this is important to me. The denomination that I identify with is Assembly of God. I am looking for a Christian partner who is open to the possibility of discovering a whole new world in me.

    • I’m betting, in line with her “Christian” background, that she is also a “born-again” virgin … in that level of “Asperger’s”, I’m sure she’s relaxed on meeting standards.

    • She likes cats?….I didn’t see that coming….

    • Ask, and ye shall receive . . .

      I am unique.

      READ: No, I’m not. I’m just like a million other women out there. OK, my DNA is unique, but apart from that . . .

      I am sincere…not pretentious or fake.

      READ: Yet I wear heels, makeup, and choose clothing that “flatters” me. But I’m not pretentious or fake.

      I am VERY honest.

      READ: And hope you are VERY gullible.

      I am goal-oriented, good with details and words, and driven to succeed.

      READ: I have had the same crappy clerical job for eleven years and realize that I’m never going to make more than $35,000.00 a year.

      I have a master’s degree in education, but it ended up taking me nowhere, so I am hoping to go back to school for a 2nd masters degree in professional writing with a concentration in web content design.

      READ: If being a secretary sucks, being a teacher sucked more. Since I don’t have a proper vocation and I can’t pick a career and stick with it, I’m going to spend more money on a useless degree and an education that will be obsolete before I graduate. Because I realized that these internets everyone’s talking about are probably the Next Big Thing. I mean, doesn’t web design pay $70-$80k a year? Besides, maybe I’ll meet a computer genius husband who can look past my downsides and see me for the unique, honest, loveable creature I am. A thick 401k wouldn’t suck, either.

      I am currently reading a book for dummies on how to design web sites from scratch using HTML and CSS, but I am still in the very beginning stages. I just want to succeed so bad.

      READ: But not bad enough to understand that it should be “I badly want to succeed”, not “want to succeed so bad.” But I’m sure I’m cut out for a career in Professional Writing because I use words like almost every day.

      I am determined.

      READ: I am relentless and desperate.

      I take a lot of walks and think about my goals.

      READ: And pick up cans on the side of the road to fund my lofty dreams. Two birds.

      I also hang out at the mall a lot. I like fashion and shopping, and am stylish.

      READ: I will spend 10% more than you can possibly earn. And at the end of the year I will insist on donating all of my “old, unstylish” clothes to charity, to prove what a good person I am. I hope it doesn’t bother you that many of the clothes were only worn once, and that some still have the tags on them. Because you should never compromise on “being beautiful”.

      I like animals…especially cats.

      READ: DANGER! WARNING!

      I like the beach, Atlantic City, the nightlife, club music, repeating strange hip hop lyrics, and comedies like The Hangover.

      READ: Books? What are these things you call “books”?

      I have a goofy, dirty sense of humor that I let loose with people that aren’t too uptight and rigid with social rules and norms, but a lot of the time I am in “mode serious” and I don’t always understand or know how to respond to the typical sarcastic sense of humor.

      READ: I am socially backwards and often respond inappropriately to common social situations. I cloak this social awkwardness in anger and disapproval when people misunderstand the bullshit that flies out of my mouth. But I play off my rudeness and lack of civility as my “sense of humor”. And if they don’t get it, then I play this card . . .

      This is due to the fact that I am a proud aspie. Yes, I have an autistic component to my personality, and yes, I am proud of it:)

      READ: Yes, I’m autistic. And I’m not above using my condition as a justification for a whole realm of behaviors that you will find frustrating, annoying, and ultimately lead to thoughts of homicide.

      Lastly (and ironically, this should be first), I am a Christian, and this is important to me.

      READ: No sex before marriage.

      The denomination that I identify with is Assembly of God.

      READ: Damn near no sex after marriage unless we spend six hours praying for forgiveness, first.

      I am looking for a Christian partner who is open to the possibility of discovering a whole new world in me.

      READ: “Submit to your husband . . . “ LOL! Yeah, right! I’m still technically a virgin, but if you think I’m getting that dirty thing near my mouth, you had better think again, mister! And the back door? Exit only. Forever. Also, no porn, no looking at other women, no talking to other women, no masturbation, and if you don’t tell me how pretty I am six times a day I’m going to FREAK in public, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it because I’m autistic and you’ll look like an ass.

  86. 36, solid 7.5 Wants to tear your balls off.
    ——————————————————

    I am a good natured person who wants to find someone to be happy with 🙂 I am not shy and go after what I want. I do not play games -what you see is what you get with me. I am a straight shooter and prefer people who can handle and speak the truth. I love to stay active, its important to me to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I love to snowboard in the winter however I am not the best at it. I will keep doing it even if every time I end up face down on the mountain. I also believe in honesty without regret for it, dismissive, sad, unmanly behavior makes me laugh. I am not perfect by any means – I have my own faults and issues with trust (I believe it is earned) that said I am a bleeding heart and almost always apologize if I am out of line – I am Italian after all so sometimes I have a firey personality. Do not contact me if you dont have a full set.. seriously.. I have no time for posers, jerks or losers. I would not be on here if I did. I can pick up “that guy” in any bar, any where. So if you are not an adult man, who can act regular do not bother me. =) I have to get a little cynical now – if you are a nice guy I will talk to you but dont get nuts in my inbox – trust that a non response is the nice thing for me to do. Wanna get rude and I will shut you down. I dont get nasty unless I am forced too and some people on here are sketchy. I choose to not respond to inappropriate stuff end of story, I am trying to find someone who matches me and that guy is NOT going to be vulgar in the first message I get… so seriously… take it light and move on if I am not for you.. ITS ALL GOOD.

    I love sports – especially seeing them in person. I am originally from NNJ so I am a NY Giants fan and my dad has season tickets, I try to get to at least one game a year. I love the Phillies and have seen 2 games this year for the first time. They were AWESOME! Would love to meet someone who wants to do things like going to games and being active with me.

    I work out with weights, I do minute drills. I am healthy and want to stay that way – I am not afraid of hard work =)

    I have kayaked, and zip-lined both were fantastic!

    What I’m doing with my life
    I work for an insurance company and in my spare time I love spending time with my nephew and neice. I work out every day, healthy body = healthy mind. I work to live, not live to work. My job is just that – when I am done my day at work it is left there. I like to focus on the friends and family in my life. I am always open to trying knew things. I have done a triathlon and kayaked on the schuylkill all on a whim. I recently did the Spartan Race at blue mountain and it was a great experience I actually won entry into a special race for finishing in the top 10% of racers for the day. I want someone who wants to be my partner in spartan races and all things like that.. I am a planner but can also be spontaneous. I also spend a lot of time thinking about finding the right man for me, I have a lot to offer to the right man. I am becoming a part of the spartan street team which basically consists of me going out to be a motivator and getting people to join up for races. So message me if you are interested!
    I’m really good at
    Taking care of people. I have a huge heart and once you are in it you are there for good.

    • She doesn’t have a lot to offer any man, as her age is going to make pregnancy difficult.
      Doesn’t say what she brings to the relationship except competitiveness and demands.
      Which contradicts the bit about her being “really good at taking care of people” and “have a huge heart”.
      Seems like someone with plenty of moodswings.

      • Spot on man. See that’s why I’ll bring the profiles of any women I’m interested in here for some bro-nalysis to pick out stuff I miss.

    • Think she is bitter now? JUst wait until she hits the wall five years from now, and can no longer attract the man at the bar like she proudly claims.

      Total bitter entitled woman who needs a lot of tight game. She will be pumped and dumped by posers for her life until she hits the wall.

    • Spartans, Come back with your shield or on it.

      (Testicles optional)

    • Great! Another “one of the guys” to shoot pool and down brewskies with! You sure that didn’t come from the M4M ads?

  87. Chunky 6: Not too terrible in words but looking for a daddy for the bastard child very hard. Never clean up after another man. Rules you can live by…

    I have all but given up the search in finding the perfect man, because quite frankly, I haven’t found anyone who has sparked my interest long enough to hold a conversation with…let alone a semi-intelligent one. I have a huge heart that I shield fairly well, I’ve almost gotten it down to science. I love being a nurse, and love being a mother. I enjoy doing all kinds of things, mostly being spontaneous, having a 6 y/o makes you spontaneous, you have to always be ready to get up and go. I am a pretty die hard (sports team) fan and enjoy going to games throughtout the year.

    I want…well, I want to find something long term. I want some kind of substance…not just someone who is going to charm their way into my pants…altho the thought may be nice…it just gets dolled up way too much…there is more to life and love than sex. I want someone I can trust completely, with no doubts. I want someone who will be able to love and appreciate my child as if he was his own, as my child has no paternal influence other than my brothers. I cook, I clean, and I can manage finances, what more could you want?? lol… I am not your flat bellied, blue-eyed beauty, I am me, and I want someone who will want and accept me for me…inside and out, no matter what I look like or what I’ve been through…
    Someone who knows we are not getting any younger, and there will be a time where will become old and forgetful and wrinkly, but still be able to love each other just the same as when we first fell in love. There was a time where I believed none of this was possible in real life, but I have been through a lot of life changing events in the past year and I hold out hope and am willing to wait and eventually work for something that I know is going to be just as important to someone else, as it is to me. He’s out there!

    • Ryan on said:

      B**ch, I’ve never seen a fat old disaster in movie like The Notebook. Go find a fat guy that doesn’t make any money and is balding, and get your hooks in. Prince charming never kissed Sleeping “She has a Good Personality”, he kisses sleeping beauty.

  88. This one is just fill of the HATE. Jay-sus! Who in their right mind would sign up for this crap? About a chunky 5.

    I have no time for games, I have a son that is my focus and everything else comes 2nd to him. There is no question about that, and it is not an option to think otherwise. I believe that your children should always come first. I am single and looking for something more serious, but friends to talk to would be nice as well. The more you push me, the more you will piss me off. I am opinionated but a great listener also. I believe in communication, it is key in any relationship. I also believe strongly in 50/50. I refuse to carry anyone else on my shoulders, my independency is important to me. I hope that is an attractive trait. In my past relationship, I got lost with who I was, because I was busy trying to please the other half of me. Dont get me wrong, working together to have a better life is one thing, but compromising who you are to make someone else happy just doesnt work. You need to be confident in where you are as individuals as well as a couple in order to be successful together. I want someone in my life who accepts me for me, and I would do the same. If you want to change someone, if the thought of “if only this person would change…” then you need to take a step back and ask yourself is this really the person for you. You should love the person your with for who they are.

    • Sounds to me like when her husband asked her to lose weight and she felt that this “compromised who (she was)”. However, Im sure if her husband lost his job she would have dumped him in a heartbeat, because the loss of income would compromise e expenditures.

      Its all about her.

    • “I also believe strongly in 50/50”

      At 50, I will take 50% of everything you own…..

  89. Another new gem:

    http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=22865680

    This self-professed redneck mama needs a donation. In return, she’ll probably donate something you’ll see your doctor about.

    • “Enjoying a drink in my favorite hangout” ,…. in the fucking ladie’s toilet?!.That picture just about summed it up for me didn’t even need to read profile

  90. Ok well I’ll just put this information here as a comment on dating.

    I’m looking at a profile on OKCupid. They have these little matching questions you can answer. One of the questions is:

    “Which is bigger? The Earth or the Sun?”

    Her answer: The Earth.

    She has a Masters Degree and works in Education.

    I’m going to go pound my face in my desk. Yes – it really is that bad out here.

  91. >23 y-o, sort of chubby 6 (being generous). This is the intro:

    Okay well this part is always the hardest part of all.. TALKING about myself..
    Males, you need to learn not to judge a book by its cover. If I send you a request, and you accept, then I expect for you not to judge me based on what I look like, but by what I say, and just because 99.9% of you guys complain that you can’t find a decent chick, that’s because you expect to end up in bed with the first female you come across. Maybe if you guys were a lot less sleazy, then maybe you’d get a decent chick.
    Yes I am giving this a shot, but so far it’s been nothing but a bad experience, because males do judge before they get to know. So if I send a request, don’t judge me by what I look like..

    >And the conclusion:

    What’s the point in accepting a request if you’re just going to delete the person 2 minutes into the conversation..??
    One other thing I’ve learnt is that people will always base their decisions on whether to speak to you on here based on your looks and not your persona.. At the end of the day, it is your looks that will fade and not your persona..

    if people think they are going to meet their match made in heaven on here, lol you won’t..
    it’s called going into the real world and looking..

    how do you know if someone is your type or whether or not you share the same interests, if you haven’t spoken to them??

    >Any thoughts?

  92. Oh, this was a fun one. 43 yo non-adjusted 4. Hilarity ensues.

    I am a 5’10” BBW looking for someone who has a sincere, OPEN and honest, lonely heart. Please know that it takes a special man to love all that a big beautiful woman has to offer and dont be shy about it.

    READ: I’m Fat. Let’s get that right out in the open. Fat. Heavy. Big. And it ain’t goin’ away.

    We do tend to show our gratitude VERY WELL. lol.

    READ: I’m Fat, but I swallow.

    I am a true southern lady and carry myself as such.

    READ: I use my culture to validate my bitchy attitude.

    I expect an adult to be an adult.

    READ: So don’t give me any of that “feelings” bullshit.

    In private I tend to be very assertive and know what I like. Nothing wrong with that and I’ve never had any complaints. lol.

    READ: I’ve never had any complaints because all the decent guys figured out that “very assertive” means “dominating bitch in the bedroom” and got the hell out. The others . . . well, it’s difficult to hear complaints with my ass on your face.

    I have multi colored, basically red tinted below shoulder length hair. At birth I believe it was brown. lol. Large beautiful brown eyes, or so I’m told. Full lips and I kiss very well. And enjoy a man who can kiss too; as cuddling is a great pastime. lol.

    READ: After sex with me, you’ll ardently fantasize about cuddling. Just cuddling. And maybe chewing your arm off to get away before I wake up. I swallow, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to do it often. I mean, heck, how good could I possibly be at it when my coochie has cobwebs in it?

    I would describe myself as very independent,

    READ: (“Bossy”)

    intelligent,

    READ: (“Smart ass”)

    spunky,

    READ: (“Bossy”)

    flirty,

    READ: (“Horny and desperate”)

    sexy,

    READ: (“I swallow”)

    loving,

    READ: (“desperate”)

    loyal,

    READ: (“desperate”)

    dedicated,

    READ: (“obsessed with finding a man before I die alone”)

    honest,

    READ: (“verbally brutal, blunt and untactful”)

    funny,

    READ: (“smart ass”)

    strong,

    READ: (“Emotionally needy”)

    and full of integrity.

    READ: (“Like my fat ass is going to be able to cheat on you!”)

    I am a lifelong friend and enjoy loving others for who they are. People are great and each of us offer a small part in the world we live in. I am a firm believer that it takes all shapes and sizes, colors and personalities to make up our world and if we all looked the same then there would be no need in looking at anyone.

    READ: Did I mention I was fat? And a little homely? And I swallow? And if I catch you staring at another bitch I’ll slit your throat in the middle of the night?

    I believe I have loved some of all those qualities. Very importantly, I am not a shallow person and am looking for the same in a man.

    READ: I wish I was pretty enough to be shallow, but since I’m not, I’ll turn necessity into virtue and hate on the pretty bitches and use my festering resentment and low self-esteem to make your life a living hell. Enjoy!

    Prefer soft and cuddly or firm and proud. Doesnt really matter to me as long as you are the best person you can be and carry yourself with pride and confidence.

    READ: I want an Alpha. I don’t deserve one, don’t really expect one, and if I got one I wouldn’t know what to do with him, but I want an Alpha. Or a Beta who can fake it until we’re legally bound in marriage.

    As a partner for me I prefer a white male; but to each their own- your preferences are yours. Live and let live.

    READ: I’m a racist, but I want to feel good about myself. I’d never marry a black dude. I’ll marry a white dude and fantasize about a black dude for the rest of my life, but I’d never marry a black dude. Besides, I can’t lead most black dudes around by my vagina the way I can most white dudes.

    Men find my smell terrific and I hear it daily. Thats important because the smell of a man alone can drive me crazy.

    READ: So can the smell of bacon, cheesecake, or Cinn-a-bun. If I smell terrific, that’s why.

    Love a man to smell fresh and bitable. lol. Its a goal of mine to always be classy and smell great.

    READ: It’s a goal. As in, “I ain’t there yet.”

    After so many heartbreaks in my life is it too much to ask for a man who is simply looking for a respectable, funny, loving woman who wants nothing more from him except to hold his hand with pride and be his woman.

    READ: Well, yes, it is too much to ask. But I’m asking anyway. Because my entire validation as a female stems from my ability to hoodwink some dude into putting a ring on my finger, and maybe if I can lure a self-deluded Beta away from his assistant-manager’s position at KFC long enough, I’ll have my one special day before I start making his life a living hell. I mean, honestly, what do I have to offer a man? Neediness and bossiness? Guilt? There’s a reason I’ve never been married.

    Everything else just sort of falls into place as long as you take being my partner in life as serious as I do. It boils down to a 50-50 where I do what you like because you like it and you do what I like because I like it. Is that really too much to ask for?

    READ: Unless “your” 50% includes a love of anal, slender women, or the last slice of pizza, in which case you’re SOL.

    Please tell me it isnt, because I’m holding out for it.

    READ: I’m an entitlement princess who’s more than a little frustrated that the Prince Charming I was promised didn’t arrive on schedule, and now I want to take out a lifetime of resentment out on the one poor slob who might consider me as a wife. And if I can’t get Prince Charming, then I’ll just start collecting cats. That will show you. Don’t fuck me and marry me, and I’ll selfishly take my DNA out of the gene pool.

    I tend to be attracted to older men who seem to know the importance of loving what you have because its only yours.

    READ: I tend to be attracted to older men who seem to have more money and worse eyesight than younger men.

    Mid 40’s is nice. Range is probably between my age of 40 to maybe a young 50.

    READ: Hey, as long as your masculine spirit was crushed by the Sexual Revolution and the wave of divorces that followed, I’m good.

    Love building out of wood and am very artistic in anything I choose to tackle. Lots of home projects.
    Own my own home and love to work on it.

    READ: Of course, I have no idea what I’m doing so I’ve caused over $5000 worth of damage to my home and have a stunning new bay window in my bathroom that I hadn’t originally planned on. Plus my roof, yard, and back porch need repair, and like I’M gonna be the one who pays for it. So if you have your own toolbox, so much the better. Just give me one chance to demonstrate my stunning lack of competence with tools and you’ll never let me do anything on the house again. Which is just what I wanted.

    Most of all I enjoy just being with my partner as my best friend and confidant.

    READ: I need to tell SOMEONE about all of my bad teenage sexual experiences that warped me into the entitled, overweight spinster I am today. I mean, my therapist threatened suicide if I brought them up again, but if I can captivate you with pussy, maybe you’ll listen and pretend to care.

    I am so loving (in bed and out) and I feel I am going to burst from it before I find someone who truly wants to receive it.

    READ: I am so freaking horny I’d hump a monk if I could get away with it. Doesn’t mean I’m good at it. You don’t have to be a chef to be hungry. Hope you aren’t a “chef.”

    If all this sounds like something your looking for in a down to earth woman then please just say hi and we’ll go from there. I will answer anyone who feels like writing me.

    READ: I’m desperate.

    UPDATE: Where in the world are all the real men in my age group who are not afraid of a real woman and a real relationship with a real companion?

    READ: Where in the world are the Alphas I crave, and why do they recoil in horror when they come to my door? You’d think that a sixth-date “sure thing” would convince them I’m serious. Yet they just keep screaming and running away. I mean, just what does it take to find a good girl like me attractive?!?

    And let’s not forget- the matter of not being a drunk!! Theres enjoying a drink occasionally and then theres a ” got to have 5+ a day”. Uugghh!!!

    READ: Oh. That’s what it takes. Figures.

  93. Did I post this one already? Dear Lord, it’s getting so hard to tell them all apart.

    I’m not real good at selling myself…because…hey..I am who I am. I’m very honest and upfront and very sarcastic.

    I’m looking for my best friend, someone I can laugh with uncontrollablly for hours until my stomach hurts and tears are running down my face.
    He cooks for me
    He knows when to give me my space….and when not to
    He is upfront about how he feels about me, holds nothing back
    He fits in like a glove with my family
    He remembers that I love lavendar and hate putting the dishes away and that I take a bath every single night
    He nudges me…not pushes me…to try new things, be a better person, work harder, be better
    He smiles when he sees me
    Always kisses and hugs me goodbye/hello
    Is an amazing lover…you know what I mean 😉
    Thinks I am one the greatest people he knows
    Doesn’t treat me like a child but lets me be one sometimes
    And most of all….regardless of any qualities/faults he may have……makes me feel loved whether I am in his presence or not….and I never had to doubt it for one second what I mean to him.

  94. Guest says:
    September 5, 2011 at 1:39 PM

    Sorry, late to the article here. Would I have a shot with your profiled women this way? (And apologies to TPM for the length.)

    “Think of these questions as Deal Breakers !!
    1). Single? Available? Divorced? How many times divorced? How long have you been divorced?? The Separated need not apply !! Ya gotta be unattached in EVERY way, because I am …..
    After my divorce I’m emotionally detached – is that good enough?
    2). Are you totally disengaged from the last woman? No rebound men for me…I have no baggage or drama, so I’m looking for a man with no baggage/drama. Just recently out of a long-term relationship?? pass me by…you and I are on different levels of the dating/love life cycle. To me, timing is everything…….
    Yes, my last girlfriend deserved dumping.
    3). Smoker?? Sorry, I can’t and won’t be around someone who smokes or chews, not even parttime.
    Wow, a requirement I meet straight up.
    4). Heterosexual?
    Ye-e-s-s. Why the question mark from you. Should I be bringing recording equipment for you and your female friend?
    5). Working full-time here in Idaho and live here also?
    Idaho?
    That leaves you 2 men to choose from, doesn’t it?
    6). Your kids, are they the same age as mine (25-22-20) or older? I am only interested in men who have children the same age(s) as mine,(young adults). I can concentrate on you and I want the same in return.
    One, collage age, close enough.
    7). How many ex-wives and where is your ex-wife? On the East coast or farther away??
    One ex-wife on the East Coast, thank the gods.
    8). Do you have a criminal record? If so, move along, I’m NOT the one for you..
    No convictions.
    9). If you are a player, or not ready for a committment, or just looking for a one night romp, you are NOT for me, NEXT !!
    How about for a long weekend or a month, if you’re good.
    10). If your a guy with jealousy in your heart, or you have trust issues, we will not get along, trust me!
    Like I would care.
    11). For fun, would you be willing to take dance lessons with me? I am wanting to learn the romantic dances, you know, the Tango, Foxtrot, Waltz, Rumba, Salsa and of course Jitterbug!
    I’ll SAY yes to that.
    12). Can you be spontaneous??
    Not in a combustible way. (Why do I even go there first?)
    13). Do you know what True Love is??
    Yes, that’s what you feel just before your special woman rips your heart out and eats it before your eyes.
    14). Can you handle watching a chick flick a few times a year?? Yes, I do watch guy flicks ! I sometimes have to cover my eyes so as not to offend my delicate sensabilities!! LOL
    You gotta be kidding me.
    15). When you meet a woman for the first time, do you bring flowers????
    Ditto.
    16). How do you feel about PDA’s?? (Public Displays of Affection)??
    I would like a nice blowjob.
    17). What is your idea of a perfect (dream) date?
    See PDA above.
    18). Have you ever been around/dated a widow?
    Yes, see no convictions above.
    19). Ocean or the mountains?
    Oceans. Usually the land is flatter and easier to walk around that way. (Obviously I’m not a West Coast type.)
    20). Do you want to grow old and gray with me?
    I’m already gray. Started when I was 29 years old.
    21). Do you like “slow hand”?
    Whatever way you do it best.
    22). Are you a lone wolf or the marrying kind?
    As to marrying – be there done that.
    23). What do you think of this statement: “Love is friendship set on fire”?
    See the part about True Love above.
    24). Coffee, Tea, or Me ??
    I’ll first need coffee to do you.
    25). Can you be two different men? One man outside the bedroom, and another man inside the bedroom????
    Like Jekyll and Hyde? See no convictions above.
    26). Are you healthy? Any kind of medical conditions??? Taking any medications??
    I’m in my 50’s and doing the “better living through chemistry” thing. As if you aren’t.
    27). Do you still have ALL your hair and teeth????
    And more, see no convictions above.
    28). Can you/will you paint my toe nails if I ask you to ??”
    Lol LOL rofl ROFL roflmao ROFLMAO…

  95. Another gem: hispanic, 6.5 ish, separated, looking for friends:

    First of all I will never date black men. I love asian men. Latinos alright but cant stand that macho crap. If ur a dancer , trainer, fotographer the furthest u will get is friends. I hate to see pics of guys ABS. If I want to see them I might as well ask my boys to let me see. LOL. If u go to fitness connection hit me up. We can workout together. I Workout 5-6 days a week for 2-3 hrs a day.
    Well I went on a date with a guy I met on a dateing site. He was telling me to try this site so I am. I glanced at some of you and look very familiar. This is how it goes if I didnt answer back its either I have too much to catch up or Im not interested. I am very blunt and hate to waste time. I am very friendly. So dont be pushy. Dont ask for my number or anyother way of reaching me. Meaning email, messanger, texting, or fb. I am here just to chat. I have already two fwb and lots numbers for booty calls. Lol. I have no time for dates.

  96. I know this is off topic, but I’d be interested to see a sample of a good female profile.

    Some of the dissections of phrases that you guys did — while I see where you’re coming from — weren’t the first thoughts on my mind when reading (I tried imagining the words were written by a woman, then written by a man). I think perhaps we have different buzz-phrases? Not sure. Either way, I’d be interested to see something quality. PM made a good point re: writing the profile in second person. Anything else spring to mind?

    • experimental on said:

      THANK YOU for writing and asking for that!!! As I am reading some of these, while there are some of the profiles which I agree are out there or funny or even not desirable, I read some and I am thinking, “what’s wrong with that?”…then, followed by many, many comments by men and women alike blasting the profile and the woman. I honestly, really think the bottom line is that if the woman is a 9 or 10 in looks/physical attractiveness, most guys, especially most guys on those sites, wouldn’t hesitate to contact her, no matter what her profile says, and if she is below a 4 on attractiveness/hotness, they won’t contact her or even respond back in a polite manner if she contacts them, no matter how wonderful/insightful/whatever her profile is. Just my .02 again.

  97. Pingback: Helpful Hint For A Woman’s Online Dating Profile « The Private Man

  98. Phoenix on said:

    About Me:
    Ask….this website is like special olympics. Even if you find someone, you’re still retarded.

    ………….I like attractive men, not men that look like they got hit by a van. Don’t enjoy skinny men, I like people who are sarcastic & witty, neck hair grosses me out, ignorance is not the least bit attractive, and I have an obsession with the Browns. I’m curvy and I would like someone to love that about me. I spend some of my Friday nights playing bingo with 85 year old women, I bake cupcakes all the time, and I enjoy Star Trek. I have a cat named Bernie Kosar, you must love him too. He’s actually more like a dog.
    I don’t care how a guy spells (as long as you have a diploma & a future), and I don’t care what kind of past you have. Just treat me good & I’ll be happy. I despise certain music. I listen to mostly classic rock & oldies (Sinatra, Etta James, etc.)

    (She’s fat)

  99. 35, hard to tell, a bit overweight, bad photos anyway:

    …island girl who enjoys relaxing while watching TV, cooking,traveling, reading, meeting people, shopping, hanging with friends and going to church. I also enjoy trying or experimenting on new ideas(hobbies). I would like to own my own business
    EXTREMELY UNIQUE:
    Positive attitude is the key to my life.

    I am a God fearing person who also enjoying hanging out with my non-christian friends, sharing ideas, accept other people’s opinion( who they are), flexible.
    Ghetto attitude and behavior are not welcome in my life.
    MUSIC:
    Reggae, soca, gospel, R&B, Jazz , hip hop
    I am very straight forward person (get to the point). Classy , professional, intellectual independent and respectful person.
    Gentleman, Gentleman! Please if you were not raised with a positive male role model in your life. The lord is willing and waiting with his arms wide open to have that father-son relationship with you.I know you are trying to do it on your own by saying I am grown but it will affect your relationship in the future.First: Humble thyself Second: you MUST forgive your earthly father for his ignorance of not, for not know how significance his role was in your life.Third : Love thyself!
    I believe that ’emotional detachment’ is worst than cancer. Communication is extremely important. if you don’t think you are ready for her say something, it ok. There are intelligent black woman like myself who will not curse you out but will understand. Don’t stop communicated and disappear. You are too intelligent for that. Yes you need help but send an email and move on to your next playmate because I am not your playmate.I will pray for you as you deal with your emotional detachment issues. When you meet an intelligent God-fearing young lady who was raised in a humble, peaceful, loving , christian home with two parents who will be together until death through thick and thin. Wow! you will know exactly how to treat her like a queen because her parents already establish that role model in her.I know,I know, you are all searching for the love of your but please work on thyself first.The Lord will never leave you or forsake you. We are not perfect but with Christ as your first love everything will work out.
    Observing a beautiful woman with curves is great and compliments are always welcome but if you want to play. Please I am not the one. Erased the statement out of your head’ All women are the same’. No we are not. Leave your baggage/problems, Christ is waiting patiently for you to give him your baggage to him. Now lets start and afresh. Smile!!!

    • Ian’s Exegesis:

      35, hard to tell, a bit overweight, bad photos anyway: …island girl who enjoys relaxing while watching TV, cooking, traveling, reading, meeting people, shopping, hanging with friends and going to church.

      READ: I’m lazy. I’m fat. And possibly a pothead.

      I also enjoy trying or experimenting on new ideas(hobbies).

      READ: Definitely a pothead.

      I would like to own my own business

      READ: I have little education and work a dead-end job without the chance of retirement or advancement. I figure owning my own business is the key to fame and fortune. At this point, selling weed is looking pretty good. Or Pampered Chef.

      EXTREMELY UNIQUE: Positive attitude is the key to my life.

      READ: Until the weed runs out. Then run for cover.

      I am a God fearing person who also enjoying hanging out with my non-christian friends, sharing ideas, accept other people’s opinion ( who they are), flexible. Ghetto attitude and behavior are not welcome in my life.

      READ: I’m a pothead, but I go to Church, so Jesus loves me and that makes me a good person. Besides, it’s a lot harder to get a booty call at church, but the heathens don’t mind.

      MUSIC: Reggae, soca, gospel, R&B, Jazz , hip hop

      READ: I’m only into black dudes.

      I am very straight forward person (get to the point).

      READ: I am rude and direct and totally lack any feminine charm. But if you point that out, you aren’t “respecting” me.

      Classy , professional, intellectual independent and respectful person.

      READ: When I’m stoned, I seem a lot smarter and respectful because I’m too high to form a coherent thought. And I use a lot of big words I saw on Jeopardy!

      Gentleman, Gentleman! Please if you were not raised with a positive male role model in your life. The lord is willing and waiting with his arms wide open to have that father-son relationship with you.I know you are trying to do it on your own by saying I am grown but it will affect your relationship in the future.

      READ: I get high and go to church and talk to Jesus a lot. I expect that you will too. And that he’ll substitute for the missing father figure in your life, which will make you eternally grateful to me for leading you to the lord, which will bind you to me in love for all of eternity without me having to actually have done anything to earn your love and respect. And as the years go one, and we age and you realize what an utter mistake you have – hey, do I smell popcorn?

      First: Humble thyself

      READ: You will be my bitch.

      Second: you MUST forgive your earthly father for his ignorance of not, for not know how significance his role was in your life.

      READ: I have a lot of daddy issues, so I’m fully comfortable about lecturing you about your own psycho-spiritual problems with your own father. I expect you to be an emotionally bleeding wreck, because it takes one to know one, and really all the dudes who came from non-broken homes already passed my sorry ass up like it was radioactive. And then I expect you to see me as some heaven-sent savior of your sorry ass, which will bind you to me forever.

      Third : Love thyself! I believe that ’emotional detachment’ is worst than cancer.

      READ: Because “emotional detachment” usually means a dude isn’t into me, and that’s worse than cancer. If you aren’t begging at my feet, then you aren’t doing your job.

      Communication is extremely important. if you don’t think you are ready for her say something, it ok.

      READ: Oh, hell NO it’s not! When I say “communication”, I mean “I’m talking to YOU, bitch-boy!”

      There are intelligent black woman like myself who will not curse you out but will understand.

      READ: I won’t really understand, but I won’t cut you. Not while we’re dating. That’s got to be worth something.

      Don’t stop communicated and disappear. You are too intelligent for that.

      READ: Apparently I dated a lot of “intelligent” guys in the past who saw what they were getting and cut the hell out, and I need you to be just dumb enough not to do that.

      Yes you need help but send an email and move on to your next playmate because I am not your playmate.

      READ: I’m going to pretend that I’m a good girl, but let’s face it, I’ll probably give it up on a second date if you sweet talk me because of my low self-esteem and my fondness for Blueberry Kush #2. First date if you’re hot and have a job. That means I’m a lady. And if you’re beta enough, I might string you along until there’s a ring on my finger.

      I will pray for you as you deal with your emotional detachment issues.

      READ: You sorry son-of-a-bitch, you’ve rejected me already and haven’t even gotten to the end of my profile. Asshole. Maybe Jesus will shame some sense into you.

      When you meet an intelligent God-fearing young lady who was raised in a humble, peaceful, loving , christian home with two parents who will be together until death through thick and thin. Wow! you will know exactly how to treat her like a queen because her parents already establish that role model in her.

      READ: Mom totally dominated Dad all his life and never let him have an opinion she didn’t give him, but he was probably cheating on the DL just to stay sane. You can expect all of that marital bliss PLUS my own generation’s healthy helping of entitlement if you marry me. And yes, I fully expect you to kiss my ass in private while you pretend to be Alpha in public, because if you make me look bad at church, so help me I might just cut you. If you didn’t pick up on the term “queen”, perhaps insert “entitlement princess” instead. Because that’s how Daddy treated me, and if you don’t, then you aren’t worthy.

      I know, I know, you are all searching for the love of your but please work on thyself first.

      READ: You sorry sack of shit. You’ve already rejected me, haven’t you? Then it’s your fault, not mine. If you don’t like me, then it’s because of your issues, not mine. Who wouldn’t want a piece of this chocolate cake? WHY ARE YOU CLICKING ‘NEXT PROFILE’!?!?!

      The Lord will never leave you or forsake you. We are not perfect but with Christ as your first love everything will work out.

      READ: If I’ve inspired enough religious guilt by now, maybe it will overcome the terror you feel in your heart at the prospect of dating me, and the Lord will move you to come be my bitch just like I prayed. Miracles do happen . . .

      Observing a beautiful woman with curves is great and compliments are always welcome but if you want to play. Please I am not the one.

      READ: Lord! I’ve been pumped and dumped so many times at this point, I’m an attention slut for my own validation, but please be a handsome beta I can safely dominate. If I don’t get married soon, people at church will start to talk . . .

      Erased the statement out of your head’ All women are the same’.

      READ: It will be the first of many changes to your brain I am planning. MWAhahahaha!

      No we are not.

      READ: Yes, we 35, hard to tell, a bit overweight, bad photos anyway: …island girl who enjoys relaxing while watching TV, cooking, traveling, reading, meeting people, shopping, hanging with friends and going to church.

      READ: I’m lazy. And possibly a pothead.

      I also enjoy trying or experimenting on new ideas(hobbies).

      READ: Definitely a pothead.

      I would like to own my own business

      READ: I have little education and work a dead-end job without the chance of retirement or advancement. I figure owning my own business is the key to fame and fortune. At this point, selling weed is looking pretty good. Or Pampered Chef.

      EXTREMELY UNIQUE: Positive attitude is the key to my life.

      READ: Until the weed runs out. Then run for cover.

      I am a God fearing person who also enjoying hanging out with my non-christian friends, sharing ideas, accept other people’s opinion ( who they are), flexible. Ghetto attitude and behavior are not welcome in my life.

      READ: I’m a pothead, but I go to Church, so Jesus loves me and that makes me a good person. Besides, it’s a lot harder to get a booty call at church, but the heathens don’t mind.

      MUSIC: Reggae, soca, gospel, R&B, Jazz , hip hop

      READ: I’m only into black dudes.

      I am very straight forward person (get to the point).

      READ: I am rude and direct and totally lack any feminine charm. But if you point that out, you aren’t “respecting” me.

      Classy , professional, intellectual independent and respectful person.

      READ: When I’m stoned, I seem a lot smarter and respectful because I’m too high to form a coherent thought. And I use a lot of big words I saw on Jeopardy!

      Gentleman, Gentleman! Please if you were not raised with a positive male role model in your life. The lord is willing and waiting with his arms wide open to have that father-son relationship with you.I know you are trying to do it on your own by saying I am grown but it will affect your relationship in the future.

      READ: I get high and go to church and talk to Jesus a lot. I expect that you will too. And that he’ll substitute for the missing father figure in your life, which will make you eternally grateful to me for leading you to the lord, which will bind you to me in love for all of eternity without me having to actually have done anything to earn your love and respect. And as the years go one, and we age and you realize what an utter mistake you have – hey, do I smell popcorn?

      First: Humble thyself

      READ: You will be my bitch.

      Second: you MUST forgive your earthly father for his ignorance of not, for not know how significance his role was in your life.

      READ: I have a lot of daddy issues, so I’m fully comfortable about lecturing you about your own psycho-spiritual problems with your own father. I expect you to be an emotionally bleeding wreck, because it takes one to know one, and really all the dudes who came from non-broken homes already passed my sorry ass up like it was radioactive. And then I expect you to see me as some heaven-sent savior of your sorry ass, which will bind you to me forever.

      Third : Love thyself! I believe that ’emotional detachment’ is worst than cancer.

      READ: Because “emotional detachment” usually means a dude isn’t into me, and that’s worse than cancer. If you aren’t begging at my feet, then you aren’t doing your job.

      Communication is extremely important. if you don’t think you are ready for her say something, it ok.

      READ: Oh, hell NO it’s not! When I say “communication”, I mean “I’m talking to YOU, bitch-boy!”

      There are intelligent black woman like myself who will not curse you out but will understand.

      READ: I won’t really understand, but I won’t cut you. Not while we’re dating. That’s got to be worth something.

      Don’t stop communicated and disappear. You are too intelligent for that.

      READ: Apparently I dated a lot of “intelligent” guys in the past who saw what they were getting and cut the hell out, and I need you to be just dumb enough not to do that.

      Yes you need help but send an email and move on to your next playmate because I am not your playmate.

      READ: I’m going to pretend that I’m a good girl, but let’s face it, I’ll probably give it up on a second date if you sweet talk me because of my low self-esteem and my fondness for Blueberry Kush #2. First date if you’re hot and have a job. That means I’m a lady. And if you’re beta enough, I might string you along until there’s a ring on my finger.

      I will pray for you as you deal with your emotional detachment issues.

      READ: You sorry son-of-a-bitch, you’ve rejected me already and haven’t even gotten to the end of my profile. Asshole. Maybe Jesus will shame some sense into you.

      When you meet an intelligent God-fearing young lady who was raised in a humble, peaceful, loving , christian home with two parents who will be together until death through thick and thin. Wow! you will know exactly how to treat her like a queen because her parents already establish that role model in her.

      READ: Mom totally dominated Dad all his life and never let him have an opinion she didn’t give him, but he was probably cheating on the DL just to stay sane. You can expect all of that marital bliss PLUS my own generation’s healthy helping of entitlement if you marry me. And yes, I fully expect you to kiss my ass in private while you pretend to be Alpha in public, because if you make me look bad at church, so help me I might just cut you. If you didn’t pick up on the term “queen”, perhaps insert “entitlement princess” instead. Because that’s how Daddy treated me, and if you don’t, then you aren’t worthy.

      I know, I know, you are all searching for the love of your but please work on thyself first.

      READ: You sorry sack of shit. You’ve already rejected me, haven’t you? Then it’s your fault, not mine. If you don’t like me, then it’s because of your issues, not mine. Who wouldn’t want a piece of this chocolate cake? WHY ARE YOU CLICKING ‘NEXT PROFILE’!?!?!

      The Lord will never leave you or forsake you. We are not perfect but with Christ as your first love everything will work out.

      READ: If I’ve inspired enough religious guilt by now, maybe it will overcome the terror you feel in your heart at the prospect of dating me, and the Lord will move you to come be my bitch just like I prayed. Miracles do happen . . .

      Observing a beautiful woman with curves is great and compliments are always welcome but if you want to play. Please I am not the one.

      READ: Lord! I’ve been pumped and dumped so many times at this point, I’m an attention slut for my own validation, but please be a handsome beta I can safely dominate. If I don’t get married soon, people at church will start to talk . . .

      Erased the statement out of your head’ All women are the same’.

      READ: It will be the first of many changes to your brain I am planning. MWAhahahaha!

      No we are not.

      READ: Yes, we pretty much are.

      Leave your baggage/problems, Christ is waiting patiently for you to give him your baggage to him.

      READ: If you read all that and still don’t date me, you’ll make Jesus cry, you selfish asshole.

      Now lets start and afresh. Smile!!!

      READ: WHY ISN’T ANYONE EMAILING ME!?!?!?!?
      pretty much are.

      Leave your baggage/problems, Christ is waiting patiently for you to give him your baggage to him.

      READ: If you read all that and still don’t date me, you’ll make Jesus cry, you selfish asshole.

      Now lets start and afresh. Smile!!!

      READ: WHY ISN’T ANYONE EMAILING ME!?!?!?!?

  100. here’s one for review. i thought it wasn’t bad.

    she’s white, 49, 5’7, slender, and attractive (her pix not great), not beautiful but a pretty “7”. master’s degree, looking for a good guy near her age.

    “i’ve looked for you from the cobbled streets of florence to the hustle and bustle of bangkok’s open market… yet despite the many paths traveled, ours have yet to cross ~ perhaps we are destined to meet here?

    those close to me would describe me as smart, compassionate, curious, funny, sensual, and thoughtful. i love to travel ~ there are always more places to see and things to do! it’s definitely time to dust off my passport. i also enjoy going to the movies and theatre, catching up with friends over brunch, and wandering the aisles at Home Depot arming myself for my next home project.

    i also love learning and new experiences ~ so….if you find the theatre a yawn, no worries! share and teach me about the things you love and are passionate about. you’ll find me a very good student! ultimately, though, i think who we spend time with is more important than the activity that brings us together.

    who is my ‘perfect man’? in short? someone who can make me laugh, make me think, and make me tingle!

    although it would be easy to jot down a long list of “must haves”, i’ve discovered that life isn’t about lists. it’s about the intangible… but, what i will say about who i’m looking for is that he’s smart and soulful, loves to laugh, seeks new adventures, and yearns for something real and meaningful.

    in return, he’ll find a woman who’s loyal and affectionate, who seeks and respects his thoughts and opinions, and one who will always offer a comforting hug, a soft shoulder, and safe place to land after a difficult day.

    btw sorry for the primary photo! i promise you i look waaay less ‘grainy’ in person! also, as i’ve been asked for others, i’ve posted the few i have ~ as you can see, i really love having my picture taken – not! 🙂 a little bit of a shy streak there….”

    • She’s 49 and still looking for tingles?
      What does she bring to the table besides a “desire to travel and (haha) learn”?
      I’m betting her master’s is in a soft touch subject.

      • Hey, at least she said “he’ll find a woman who’s loyal and affectionate, who seeks and respects his thoughts and opinions, and one who will always offer a comforting hug, a soft shoulder, and safe place to land after a difficult day.”

        That’s a lot more than most women are willing to say these days. And yeah, she’s probably exaggerating, but at least she understands men enough to know that we want respect. How sold on it she is, I couldn’t say.

        Personally, it looks like she’s looking for an elder Prince Charming to whisk her away and pay for a lot of expensive trips. On the bright side, she’s still probably sexually active. She’d be worth an email, at least.

      • to jump in with more info from other parts of the profile, it says her grad degree is in science – so not soft at all. and her salary range was 80-100k. likely she can pay for her own travel.

      • It may be a Bachelor of Science in (gag) Psychology.
        In other words, qualification to work in “The Estrogen Ghetto”.
        From my experience talking to the girls with that qualification … they have difficulties putting together rational arguments or accepting anything other than complete submission to their points of view.
        Those that I spoke to seemed to have Narcissistic Personality Disorder and had trouble speaking the truth or not being hypocritical. They had their way in discussions through volume, not reason.
        Of course, with the great excuse “It’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind!”

      • interesting assumptions being made. it’s not a degree in psychology – though i pity the poor girls who do based on your comments! – its in the biological sciences, as in animal science.

      • oh, and it’s a graduate degree – which means Master’s or PhD, not a Bachelor’s.

        i have to say i find this site interesting, but as an older guy i am a bit shocked by how harsh the judgements are – and usually with no substantial evidence. are all the guys answering 20 year olds w no life experience? to make a comment like “she’s 49 and still looking for tingles?” shows just how ignorant some of you are about women. would love to read your profiles and see your pics to see why you all think you are so above the women who are online seeking a relationship. it actually makes me more empathetic of their plight.

        stepping off my soap box now.

      • “though i pity the poor girls who do based on your comments!”
        That’s an interesting assumption you’re making there too.
        The idea that you treat someone poorly because they are deficient in character or don’t meet your expectations.
        How about, getting on with your life without them? Sure beats “hanging around with them based on what you can get out of them” or “so that you can trade up” … how many guys got to be on the losing end of that circumstance?
        Society has changed, and dating advice has changed to accommodate that.
        Most of the previous generation has no idea that marriage was something that worked out for them, but they needed to keep up with and change their attitude for the shift that happened in society between the time they got married and their children got to that age too, so that their advice would be effective.

      • experimental on said:

        Contact her if you must, or if you’d like, but she probably wouldn’t be interested in a man who didn’t AT LEAST have his master’s…so if you don’t, then be prepared. I’m saying this and could be wrong, but even though her profile doesn’t specifically state that, she probably is looking for someone educated to at least the level that she is. She may accept a guy who is not…if he has other things to compensate for that, but I doubt she would give most guys without a master’s degree a chance. Just my opinion. Thanks, Sam, for commenting on the harshness…I agree. I’ve read a lot of these comments and thought, wow…this guy must be a hottie who has everything going for him, to be so picky and have such high standards for a woman he would be interested in!

  101. And she has a masters degree and is a social worker:

    I am a Social Worker in the healthcare industry and currently love my job. I moved to Hbrg a little over a year ago for this job! I am def more of a city girl then a country one. I feel like I have everything I need in life but I’d like a relationship to feel complete. I am very independent and can support myself, but also realize I like to get attention and spend time w a person I’m dating 🙂 I also have a dog and it is very important the person I date likes big dogs!

  102. I just read a profile on Match by a 35 year old divorced woman. She says she is a stay at home mom. She lists her income as $35,000-$50,000. I guess being a divorced stay at home mom pays pretty good.

  103. How most ads in my area read: This is a SBF/25

    “Ima try to keep this simple and extremely real……

    I’m a tall, attractive female. Really down to earth, with goals, intelligence and a great sense of humor.
    Im looking to share my time with a really cool, successful, FUN, down to earth, tall attractive guy.
    I consider myself a sweet girl. I always speak my mind and I’m very blunt, so please be honest with me and have good intentions here.”

    First, using “Ima” isn’t cute.
    They are all “attractive” despite any indication they aren not.
    They all consider themselves sweet yet…
    they are all “blunt” which means they switch between eye batting brat to cunt in 60 seconds. Any woman that states she is blunt and outspoken is usually a bitch.

  104. This was one is just so typical. Here you go:

    The basics: I am a divorced, single mom with the most amazingly awesome 3yo little boy. I work full time and enjoy spending my free time with my family and friends. East Coast born, Midwest raised. Tall, athletic, brown hair, brown eyes and I love to laugh and make others laugh!

    I like to have a fun time and I am looking for someone to share that time with. I would like to find someone that a conversation would be endless and time stands still when we are together. I need someone to make me laugh and laugh . I believe that honesty and trust are the two most important aspects in a relationship.
    I would describe myself as loyal, trusting,sarcastic and honest ( to a fault!) I enjoy being outdoors, going to movies or a nice restaurant, but i also am looking to find someone to spend time with at home.

    Family is extremely important to me and should be valued by the person I am with. I am very honest and hope that my partner in crime will be as well.

    List of things/traits I am not interested in:
    -men who smell bad
    -men with really bad teeth
    -men with bad shoes
    -men who cannot carry on a conversation
    -men who do not have a JOB
    -men who use swear words as adjectives, nouns and verbs
    -men who do not like kids
    -men with excessive facial hair
    -men with dickie-do’s
    -men with boobs should not apply!
    -men with ego’s bigger than mine
    -non-assertive people
    -texting instead of talking (texting is fine to start with, but not long-term!)

    Let me know if you have any questions……look forward to hearing from you……..that is if I have not scared you yet!

    • “men with ego’s bigger than mine” and “non-assertive people”

      Really? First of all, her ego is so large that another dimension is required to fit it all. “men who do not have a JOB”

      Yeah, women don’t care about money as long as he has lots of it to spend.

    • Freed Mind on said:

      “The basics: I am a divorced, single mom with the most amazingly awesome 3yo little boy.”

      Translation: I am married to my son whom I worship and put on a pedestal.

      “I work full time and enjoy spending my free time with my family and friends. East Coast born, Midwest raised. Tall, athletic, brown hair, brown eyes and I love to laugh and make others laugh!”

      Translation: I am looking for a really tall, muscular Adonis who will keep me constantly entertained.

      “I like to have a fun time and I am looking for someone to share that time with. I would like to find someone that a conversation would be endless and time stands still when we are together. I need someone to make me laugh and laugh .”

      Translation: I am seriously ADHD and I’ll dump you in a heartbeat should you fail to keep me constantly entertained.

      “I believe that honesty and trust are the two most important aspects in a relationship.”

      Translation: I am a very deceitful woman who doesn’t trust any man.

      “I would describe myself as loyal, trusting,sarcastic and honest ( to a fault!)”

      Translation: I am a rude, boorish, obnoxious, judgmental, tactless cunt who makes myself feel better by putting others down.

      ” I enjoy being outdoors, going to movies or a nice restaurant, but i also am looking to find someone to spend time with at home.”

      Translation: You better spend a lot of money on me to keep me interested.

      “Family is extremely important to me and should be valued by the person I am with. I am very honest and hope that my partner in crime will be as well.”

      Translation: My ultimate goal is to trap a sucker who will be an ATM to me and my son.

      “List of things/traits I am not interested in:”

      *Yawn* Who cares? Anyone with a list of must-haves or dealbreakers simply isn’t worth my time or interest.

      “Let me know if you have any questions……look forward to hearing from you……..that is if I have not scared you yet!”

      Too late! Any man you’d possibly be interested in clicked on the back button long ago. Be prepared to get pumped and dumped by the dregs of humanity.

  105. johnno on said:

    > 32 y-o HB7 brunette with fit body (yeah, not bad despite her age):

    Eclectic, arty, sporty, grungy, manic, lazy, affectionate, iPhone advocate, laid back, adventurous, nerdy, tough, sensitive, only occasionally right over-the-top. I work hard and play hard.
    When you read below you may get the feeling that I’m uptight and a bit of a princess . I’m really not . I’m very easy-going and I won’t nag. I’m happy to do my own thing while you do yours as long as when we get together we have fun doing it. I like to laugh and play (whether that’s beach cricket or trivia nights). I am fairly competitive and love to win, so be prepared that if you dare me I’m likely to take you on.
    I am looking for a buddy to do the Bondi – Bronte run a few evenings a week, or whatever fitness you’re into. I’m not really a morning person but I would like to get into a morning workout routine, so if you give me incentive I’ll be there.
    If you fit my desired checklist below, please send me a request. Looking forward to hearing from you.

    > And this is her little list:

    Are you:
    – a world traveller?
    – a fan of football, running and the beach?
    – appreciator of literature, art, theatre and music (from classical through singer songwriter to electronica)?
    – a motorcycle or scooter rider?
    – 5’10” or taller? (That’s me + heels.)
    – afraid of nothing?
    These are non-negotiables.

    I’m seeking an Eastern Beaches guy to hang out with for friendship, fitness and miscellaneous fun.

    Deal breakers:
    – smokes
    – takes things seriously
    – doesn’t like/get Monty Python

    Highly regarded attributes :
    – Literate
    – Good sport
    – Coordinated
    – Vegetarian (or near to)
    – Surf (you can teach me)
    – Dive
    – Doesn’t stuff up the punchline
    – Hair (on head, not necessarily on rest of body)
    – Speak languages other than English
    – Enjoy conversation about international relations, Jungian philosophy, parenthetical commas and something really stupid I can’t think of right now
    – Get technology and knows how to make macs sing
    – Understand why organic products are worth the money
    – Enjoy hanging out with friends over dinner, drinks or anything else
    – Know how to smile and laugh
    – Can cope with being beaten by a girl
    – Look equally good in a suit or a t-shirt and shorts
    – Can shop for your own clothes
    – Are used to looking after yourself and doesn’t confuse gender roles with reality

    I’m NOT looking for someone who:
    – Wants to share every excruciatingly mundane moment of their day, every day
    – Is not yet over their previous relationship(s)
    – Presumes buying me dinner means I’ll sleep with him on the first date
    – Is looking to have someone move in anytime soon
    – Wants kids
    – Wants to do everything as a couple
    – Sweats the small stuff
    – Is insecure, needy, moody, jealous, time-consuming, arrogant or doesn’t have his own life

    Yes, I realise this all sounds incredibly picky , but think of it this way: I am saving you time and the cost of dinner if you don’t meet the criteria. I am quite happy being single and am not keen to give that up. I’m looking to be friends with and date a guy who ticks most of these boxes. The relationship is a long shot and I’m not going to plunge back into that with just anybody . I know that “all of the above” may not exist, but I’m putting it out there just in case.

    By the way, if you send me a request, please have a photo. And if
    I accept your request, would you do me the favour of writing to me to let me know about yourself?

    And to that guy who got all hurt because I accepted his request and then didn’t chat with him…try opening with something a little more exciting than “Hi, how are you?”

    >Total entitlement princess.

  106. Let me put this one out here as a lesson/reminder to all the guys. This is not an awful profile and actually she seems quite datable if she’s in your age bracket. Woman, 42, Divorced, No Kids. Now listen close to what she says attracts her, a man with C-H-A-R-I-S-M-A.

    ———————————

    I would feel very special if you would open doors for me, hold my hand, put your arm around me and kiss me often. I love it when a guy takes charge and makes the plans for the day/evening. I am looking for a guy that is up for anything. If you would dance all night at a wedding or jump in the car to take a road trip on a whim, you are for me. I am attracted to confidence in a man. If you are the type who is outgoing, and completely comfortable meeting and talking to new people, I like that! If you want to have non-stop fun and live life to the fullest, write to me and I will join you!

    ———————————-

    So she likes a guy who:

    1. Kino Escalates
    2. Takes Charge
    3. Makes the plans (she likes to be led)
    4. Generates fun.
    5. Confident.
    6. Outgoing/Social.

    • I suppose this same guy will be making all the money in the relationship?
      In that case, why should he be with a 42-year-old? There are plenty of younger women who will appreciate his contribution (and be cheaper too).
      After all … I bet it takes more confidence to ask out an 18 year old when you are 42 …
      than to ask out a 42 year-old, when you are 42. 🙂

  107. While some of you guys can be a little nasty, overall, this is a funny thread. I don’t take online dating very seriously and I’m too young to meet the criteria, but I thought I’d submit my OKC profile anyway. Feel free to rip it to shreds.

    My self-summary
    I’m a shark!

    What I’m doing with my life
    I’m a shaaaark!

    I’m really good at
    Suck my diiiiiiick!

    The first things people usually notice about me
    I’m a shaaaark!

    Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
    books: steal this book, electric kool aid acid test, geek love, etc.

    movies: henry and june, what’s new pussycat, europa europa, etc.

    shows: x files, freaks and geeks, mad men, etc.

    music: nickel creek, regina spektor, louis jordan, etc.

    food: local, in season, wild caught, beluga, foie gras, cholula

    I spend a lot of time thinking about
    Communal living after the revolution. Self-sufficiency, sustainability and not being found.

    The most private thing I’m willing to admit
    I like to wear dirty jeans.

    I’m looking for
    Guys who like girls
    Ages 22-38
    Near me
    For new friends

    You should message me if
    …you can hunt, fish or forage….you can build a generator….you can hack into the pentagon….you have a concealed carry permit….you are willing to hang around my house for free food and to get things off of tall shelves for me occasionally….you just want to tell me how you’d like to “hit dat”.

    • Fat chicks have to be more willing to put out because that’s the only thing that separates them from the thin chicks.
      It’s possible that without the fat chicks being willing to put out, the thin chicks would be _even more_ stuck up.
      However, the fat chicks being willing to put out, inflate their egos to stadium-sized proportions, since they figure the man who has sex with them (and they make sure he is as alpha as they can get since they figure that their stock rises if they’re seen with a socially dominant guy) is going to become the one they marry.
      So the fat chicks then threaten the thin ones’ chances, the thin ones run relational aggression (women are the biggest misogynists), and we’re still back to step one in a way, since even most of the fat chicks want to be with Mr. Big … or see other guys as invisible, as they are scared to raise the social status for a guy who is not a Mr. Big, since he can then snag a higher status female.
      So they sabotage themselves in a sure way (by being the sex-friend of Mr. Big, and losing him), rather than by taking their chances with a normal guy (nothing hurts a girl more than being dumped by someone who was “their inferior” so that he can trade up … he got value while she didn’t … whereas if she got the pumps from Mr. Big she becomes like Bebe Buell, and it becomes a source of pride).

    • experimental on said:

      Yeah, a study was done that women who were really hot had less sex and were way less promiscuous than women who weren’t. The presupposition of the study was that hot women didn’t HAVE to have sex with men, so they didn’t. Fat chicks did, so they did. Also, a woman who is confident and hot doesn’t need sex to help bolster her self-esteem. Fat chicks often have a low self-esteem, and having sex temporarily and artificially pumps that up.

  108. deconstructed on said:

    Here is another one. I know she is only 32, but I had to share this.

    She’s Asian (most likely Chinese), lives in Ottawa (Canada), and works in retail as a manager.

    ——————————————

    Source: http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=33084110

    Hi guys, I’m a sexy playful girl that has a bit of a naughty side who likes getting her way but don’t get me wrong I do like someone with an edge and knows what he wants.

    I am attracted to men with power, who are selective and has alpha male qualities. They should be smart, funny and smooth (if you’ve got it, you’ll know what it is). I’m looking for someone to impress me, the real deal, a no expenses spared type of guy, so don’t just ask me to dinner, I can do that anytime. I’m used to being treated well (shopping, fine dining, getaways) so if you’re not prepared to spoil me silly, do not waste my time or yours…..pretty please.

    ——————————————

    On first sight, she comes off as a spoiled rotten brat. That, or she lives above her means.

    Better be the CEO of a hedge fund company and/or a super asshole to handle this one. At least she’s being honest about looking for an alpha male…

    • She’s very wordy and carefully measured in her statements.
      She’s had plenty of experience smashing guys, and goes to great lengths to protect her image.
      There might be a sextape or more in her past, ahahahaha… 🙂

    • Freed Mind on said:

      She expects you to take her out shopping on a first date? Good grief!! Her sense of entitlement is off the charts.

      I see this a lot…..women who were really hot and desirable in her teens and 20s seem to be blissfully unaware of the fact that they can’t quite attract the same type of men once they’re on the wrong end of 30. That would at least partly explain all the really delusional 30-ish, 40-ish, and sometimes even 50-ish women who grossly over-estimate their own SMV.

      She is admittedly attractive, though one does have to wonder how old those photos really are. Having said that, the uber-powerful, dynamic, wealthy alphas she demands can just as easily bag an even hotter gal 10-14 years younger.

      My guess is she’ll eventually find a well-to-do man 15-20 older, but deep down no man she meets will ever be good enough.

    • Wow. Another hot chick with excessive demands. Dresses well and nice body though.

  109. 44, About a 5-ish. Are you shitting me? I mean, hell we all hope to win the lottery and hey thanks for buying a ticket, but come on lady…we’ll be here on planet Earth when you come back down to reality.

    About Me
    Enjoy the fun and sun and the beach, the views of the sunset and the mountains. I love lazy Sundays. Love spontaneous Saturday night plans. Involving music, friends and laughter!! I love to eat, all kinds but really love Mexican and good homemade comfort food. I cook, but want you to cook for me!~

    First Date
    Wine and dine, involve something a little different. Maybe go somewhere you would never go on a first date. Like Italy!!??!!

  110. the same on said:

    This is really good, It is actually very educative, I am very scared of the dating enviroment, women are very scary and cunning specie. In boxing and in life in general protect yourself all the time.
    The only solution I see is to reduce the over_inflated value of women by refraining from falling into these traps called “dating”. We have to go back to old ways where women valued men and men valued quality women not only the physical part of it.
    This is a battle, a psycological warfare, The only way to win is ti respect ourself and let women know that disrespectfully game wont be allowed.

  111. the same on said:

    Women know that they have a “tool” to control men, and that tool we know its name. Now, when they are getting close to 30 the value of that tool descreases drastically, combine also with her wanting to be a “mom” put a lot of pressure on her. Then it is time for men to control the situation, sometime not getting laid is it better that falling in a trap. We can be stronger than this, we actually are.
    Women have worked together to have the edge, now we have to combine forces by respecting ourself in order to change this situation.

  112. the same on said:

    As we can see all these women are nut.

    Time to offer a solution: She starts acting “crazy” dump her, You see she is crazy, run away. Do do Online dating. Dont take crap from any. No getting laid for sometime is better than having a witch for a company.

  113. I just love it when a woman tells me “how it is” whether I like it or not.

    Single mommy, 39:

    Ok guys here it is…..if you are not 5’10 or taller move on. If you younger then 35 and older then 45 move on. If you live out of state move on. If you think this blonde hair blues eyes makes me an easy target for your games move on! I am here for a SERIOUS relationship! Not a quick lay, one nite stand, hit in run or whatever you wanna call it. With all that being said…..I am a mom of 3 wonderful kids. I am a big kid at heart. Have a great sense of humor and personality. I can go with the flow of things. I’m the type of person that will tell you how it is whether you like it or not. I have too many interest to list. Feel free to contact me if you meet the above criteria. I kno I’m not perfect and no one is but, I kno my twisted prince charming in out there somewhere. Come find me!

  114. OK, men, I’m sure you’ll spot how feminine and lady-like this one is. Any volunteers to go all in with this one? That’s what I thought… Seems like a typical EPL plot line judging from her statements. Funny how she can’t live without her ex, or his cash…more likely.

    I’m 34 with two young children. I like to go out with friends and have a good time, but I’m a homebody as well. I have a good sense of humor and I like laugh. My kids come first and when they are happy, I’m happy.

    Tired of bullshit and don’t have time or want it in my life! I try hard not to be drama an dont like to waste time on it! At times I have a mouth like a sailor but can curb it when necessary. Don’t like to be controlled and won’t deal with possessiveness or being controlled. I am who I am…take it or leave it. 😉

    Lots going on in my life right now so I’m looking for friendships. Open to love if that’s the way things go.

    The six things I could never do without

    My kids
    God
    My phone..hate to say it but it’s true! Lol
    Money…gotta pay the bills
    Tv…I’m a junkie to a point
    My exhusband. I know crazy! He’s a great dad!! He’s my best friend!! And thats all the further it goes. We want to always stay close so we are available to our children whenever they need us!! We do not want the collapse of our marital relationship be a stressor for them in the least!! Don’t hesitate to ask me questions on this one of you have any…I know it sounds so off the wall!! 😉

    • She left out the Marilyn Monroe quote (groan) : “I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

    • Roark on said:

      Never, ever, EVER date a woman who’s “best friends” with her ex. It means she’ll go cry on his shoulder the first time you have a fight, and he’ll use it to get her into bed, because that’s the only reason he’s still being friendly with her in the first place. “My ex is my best friend,” means, “I’ve got another port in the storm waiting the first time you screw up.”

      • P Ray on said:

        Could also be one reason he’s still friends with her is because he doesn’t need her relational aggression and psycho behaviour (if he goes “cold turkey” on her) interfering with his work and life.
        Women who have orbiters HATE losing them to other women; hence why they work hard on cockblocking surreptitiously, e.g. talking to a bunch of their friends “I don’t know why he’s with her .., he could do so much better”(when none of them were willing to step up to the plate while he was single).
        If that guy’s relationship doesn’t work out, you can bet he will have zero success with those women who thought the girl he was with, was “not good enough for him”.

  115. Wow. Looks like she doesn’t want a man who plays games or is looking for a one night stand. She also doesn’t want too many paragraphs in her life. Odd that she says you should know “right away” if it’s going to work out or not. Hmm, it seems they get very desperate for commitment as they age:

    YOU MUST LIVE WITH IN 20 MILES OF [Redacted] OR I WILL NOT RESPOND TO YOUR EMAIL SORRY
    First was born and raised in [Redacted] I moved to [Redacted] in 94 and still trying to figure out why lol….IF YOU HAVE TO MUCH GOING ON RIGHT NOW DONT CONTACT ME ALSO IF YOUR GOING TO PLAY GAMES DONT BOTHER READING ANY MORE…WERE ADULTS PEOPLE GROW UP
    i love the beach…i listen to all types of music…love to hang out and have a great time…my son is my world…im tired of the whole game thing you either like me or dont…i am 100% italian and love every min of it…im not looking to get married tomrw but want someone who is not afraid of a strong women and can pick up and go away or stay in…oh im not the best speller lol…so your on a dating website for the same reason i am, to find someone who wants a relationship and can become best friends…i have been told im to pushy thats not the case i know what i want and what im looking for so NO GAMES im in this for the real deal…not looking for a quick hook up…so if your in it for the long haul feel free to leave a message…i am tired of meeting people that are jerks and losers…i am tired of wasting my time…you should know if its going to work out right away…im not looking to get married tomorrow i just want someone whos willing to give it there all..im not trying to sound like a **** i just know what i want…IM LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHO LIVES IN THE AREA SO IF I DONT RESPOND TO YOU THATS WHY…ALSO I DONT WANT GAMES THERE IS TO MANY GUYS THAT ARE LOOKING JUST TO HAVE ONE NIGHT STANDS THATS NOT ME…DON’T PLAY ME …and you must have a car and drive and willing to put 100% into it…I’m serious about love

  116. Some Guy on said:

    This shit is hilarious.
    I’m very afraid of women over 35 and may have to post a couple profiles to let you guys choose the least worst option if I dare date.

    I’m 37 and live in DC and meet about half the women I date online on ok cupid, but I’m curious what you guys think about target age ranges and how they online versus offline. Which age ranges are the biggest pains in the butt/ have the most unrealistic expectations?

    For example, I meet women in the 23-30 range in real life but usually target the 27-33 crowd online. Marginal qualuity overall — Hits and misses, really. warning: DC women can be very manly, pushy, uptight, and frumpy (all with the expectations that only nice and attractive women truly deserve )

    I’m very afraid of women who have turned 35 — im afraid that they are the angriest and most high maintenance but have the sneaking suspicion that there are a few (two or three ??) grounded women out there .
    I’ll need some help at profile translation —

    Will post two choices soon….
    Thanks

    • Baby rabies hits in the 30s. Along with an almost certain previous history of bad relationship choices (if not, she’d be married by now, right?).
      In a wonderful reversal, this is where most men get to capitalise, with a few choice words, to level the sexual inequality.
      Of course with this new equalisation comes the horror of the “oops” pregnancy, along with the STDs from her previous relationships.
      With great risk, comes great rewards 🙂

  117. I hope this girls profile is a troll. Nice revealing pics on her part. Great way to attract good men.

    http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=35190354

    “I’m putting on my shades, to cover up my eyes. I’m jumping in my ride, I’m heading out tonight. I’m solo. I’m riding solo.” Jason Derulo

    I’m a single mother to a (1) beautiful daughter who turns 4 in April. I gave birth vaginally which means I don’t have an unsightly scar above my snatch. Being a single mom sucks hardcore. But, I read the ‘Britney Spears Guide to Parenting’ so I should be good. I am fully aware having another man’s child increases my mate value indefinitely! We all know it is simply joyous to raise another man’s kid! Anyhow, I am currently licensed to ill as well as a full-time LPN student. So basically, I’m like a doctor.

    Her father’s dead. Let me clarify: he is technically alive simply because I can’t afford to hire a hitman…yet. Unless, I was in Russia. Contract killing only starts at a couple hundred bucks. Or, he just go out into space. In space, you would explode before you suffocated because there’s no air pressure. Or, I could get lucky and he could die of natural causes… like a freak gasoline fight accident. I don’t cook. But, I know how to make coffee.

    I love engaging in fun risky behaviors like running with scissors, listening to Micheal Bolton, and wearing sunglasses on the back of head. I own many machine guns, which I disguise and transport in violin cases. I really like selling kidneys on the black market, digging for fossils, and thinking about butterflies. I’m not saying I’m a freak, but I do take showers naked.

    Aside from soliciting capital murder, I lead an active and healthy lifestyle. Exercise bulimia, a neurotic phobia of eating, and copious amounts of fat burners prove a sound diet plan for me. The 450+ diet pills a day not only help me maintain my svelte figure, but also contributes to my constant state of paranoia, heart tremors, hallucinations, and caustic anxiety. I can go days without food and sleep. Thank you to society for pressuring me to be thin and beautiful.

    So go ahead and message me! Wait ten days, then something really awesome happens… Nothing! That’s right, absolutely nothing will happen! It’s pretty incredible!

    • hahaha. CalicoStarFish is funny. If you can’t tell that her profile is a joke, then you’re taking online dating way too seriously.

      One interesting side effect of having a bullshit profile is that you only get messages from 3 types of men: Horndogs looking for casual sex, Clueless dudes playing the numbers game with generic copy+paste messages, and Guys who get the joke. It’s pretty easy to tell which are which. If done properly, a funny girl can use a troll profile as useful tool to screen for compatible personalities. There is nothing more tedious than being on a date with a guy who isn’t funny and doesn’t get your sense of humor.

      • Usually I don’t get women’s humor. It’s not on the same level as men. I did chat once with a woman whose profile was clearly intended to be ironic. She basically said to message her if: “if you expect sex on the first date, if you don’t call back after the date, If you want to beat me up, if you are a deadbeat, etc.” I couldn’t help but think that all that communicates is she has been with a lot of losers and she is attracted to them. Not really something you should broadcast to the world.

      • P Ray on said:

        @PM: It’s to show the world she has “experience”.
        Problem is that most men are not attracted to women who have “been around the block”.

  118. Here is one I found on POF. It seems pretty ok, but I’m curious to know what you’ll read between the lines.

    I’m hoping to find a companion who can be my best friend. I would like to be in a relationship in which both people compliment the qualities of the other. That doesn’t mean we have to share everything in common, just that we could love and appreciate the differences in one another. I want to be loved for who I am, and I want to give the same to some really lucky guy!

    I am a very honest, friendly, caring person. I have 3 kids (2 at home) I love being mom, but I also would like to have a great guy in my life to be my teammate–You know, a you and me against the world kind of thing! I am a professional, but I am not “money” or materially focused. I drive a used car with over 200K on it and I’m perfectly happy doing so. I am a homeowner, but I don’t live in a mansion. I’m not looking for a rich dude who wants to impress me with his money, but I also am hopeful that there is a man out there who is financially responsible with a sound work-ethic (not that I don’t think there are those of you out there…I guess I just couldn’t think of a better way to say that). I sometimes have an off-the wall sense of humor, and I’m told I can be pretty quick witted, so I suppose I need to find someone who can at least tolerate (if not appreciate) my goofiness from time to time. I tend to really be the silliest when I’m stressed out, but I suppose that’s better than being grumpy, right?

    I feel that chemistry is very important, although I do understand relationships are built on many more factors than mere physical attraction.

    I value intelligence and good conversation in a partner, an awesome smile always catches my attention, and a person who is genuine, kind, and generally happy appeals greatly to me. You don’t have to be a body builder, but someone who is at a healthy weight appeals to me the most. I appreciate the differences in others, and am always excited to learn new things and have new experiences. Nearly every person who has crossed my path in life, male or female, friend or lover, has left something with me of themselves that I value greatly, whether it is the music they loved, a book they read or just a silly phrase or mannerism. I feel like one of the greatest things about finding that someone special is learning from that person and allowing those lessons to make me a better person. I suppose that’s why I don’t really feel that I need to find someone who has “29 dimensions” of personality that are just like mine. I’m with me all the time, I’d rather be challenged by someone who thinks a little differently than I do about some things.

    I hate to excercise (might as well be honest) but I do it anyway because I really want to be a healthy person. Also, I feel less guilty for eating junk food when I’ve walked three miles before work…:) I enjoy spending lots of time outside and prefer to get my physical activity in the great outdoors, rather than in a gym.

    Weight seems to be an issue with guys on dating sites, so I’ll just say that I think of myself as about average size. I wear between a size 6 and a size 8, and I’m probably kind of curvy, although some people might define curvy as fat? I dunno.

    For the record, I want a boyfriend. Not a husband, domestic partner, friend with benefits, or fiance. I think it is best to take things one step at a time and just see how it goes. I’m in no hurry to make a major life-changing decision, but my heart is open and I am ready for love when it finds me.

    • This sounds like the kind of profile my gf would write. So, based on my gf’s persoanlity, I would say she is NOT materialistic (you can take her to the meat and three), she is reasonably humble, but she still wants to date up: must be taller, smarter, MUST have job (unemployed men need not apply), must be interesting. First few dates leading to sex you must give her the gina tingle, but after sex this is not as important. Would look over you if you were ill.

  119. POF gem …

    “I am Suzy i am a 37yr old yes thats right 37yr old ,INDEPENDENT (single) parent. My 18yr old son is in the army and its just me and my 16yr old daughter at home.Am looking to make new friends, and have a laugh along the way. . If you do decided to message me can you please make it more than a “Hello Babe”,because if thats the way you get a womans attention , no wonder your on a dating site 🙂 Thankyou”

    Well no wonder she’s on a dating site

  120. Lolz, what? 35 – decent looking 7.5-8, but obviously batshiat crazy….this is all that is in her profile.

    Hello!! I am the type of person that if I were lucky enough to hit the lottery I would open up a rescue to help all the unfortunate animals, I cannot help the fact that I absolutely love all the critters in the world. After all they love you? yes I understand sometimes things are out of our control however I do not understand why some get a pet when they are babies only to realize they can’t handle the responsibility? Is that fair? Why wouldn’t you think about this before hand? ‘m a true animal love, my dogs sleep w me everynite! if you can’t handle this please don’t waste our time either of our time, Im not changing and neither are my dogs 🙂

  121. LostSailor on said:

    Here’s one from OKCupid. I won’t post the single, hideous photo—there’s not enough eyewash in the world—but feel free if you dare (http://www.okcupid.com/profile/levine1919). Claims she’s 39 and is looking for guys 33-52–gotta cast a wide net; she’ll take anyone with a pulse–and is still “working on” a college degree.

    Here you go:

    My Self-Summary

    This is an impossible proposition [haven’t had a man touch me is years] and I’m not even sure I want to be doing this. [yeah, I know, it’s a waste of time, but I’m desperate] But here goes…

    I am intense and driven. [I will shred your soul and put your balls in a vice] A dear friend once described me as “what you see is what you get” and I think that’s fair. [and what you get is homely] I am very honest and emotionally open. [I will bitch at you constantly] If there is something I become interested in, I am very passionate about it and will devote a lot of time to learning it. [I will pry into every dark, secret corner of your life] I am intellectually curious and want the same in a man. I can be demanding – but I give everything I ask for and more. [Really, I will bitch at you constantly] I appreciate humor and people who can make me laugh – and am willing to laugh at myself. [But mostly I will laugh at your expense]

    I like to argue and debate. [You will never get a word in edgeways] Politics are my life and you have to be pretty left of the spectrum for me to even contemplate a relationship of any type. [I’m a radical—your pecker just went into the vice with your balls] I want someone who is equally intense and passionate. [I like it rough…]

    In addition to politics, I love to cook and explore foods. I like to travel and wish I could do more of it. [This is just filler I copied from the profile of a more attractive woman] I am definitely a city person – just wandering around, exploring different neighborhoods, walking everywhere, etc, make me happy. [I am aimless] Before politics, I was a writer and a poet. [I am dippy] I love the Romantics and Wordsworth’s Prelude is one of my favorite works of art – even though he sold out in his older age.

    I am also sweet and kind and generous. [Totes stole this, too]

    PS – all you progressive men who say a college degree is “necessary”: I’m smarter and more well-read than 80% of the college grads I know – schooling and intellect are not the same [I’m really an idiot, but still consider myself superior to everybody, including you. Have I mentioned yet that I’ll bitch at you constantly? Seriously.]

    What I’m Doing With My Life:

    I’m a radical political activist. For real, that’s what I do with my life. [I don’t have a job.]

    Six Things I Could Never Do Without

    Politics. Laughter. Books. [I really don’t get out much] Good food. [But I do eat a lot. I’m “curvy.” Deal with it.] Good friends. [I have two. They’re as homely as me] Sex. [Not that I’ve had any recently. At least not with a human being. Say, do you have any extra batteries?]

    • P Ray on said:

      Intellectually curious, but haven’t even graduated in a “soft-touch” subject, e.g. Women’s Studies, Early Childhood Education or Religion?
      In other words, she’s too lazy and scatterbrained to finish her education.

      Cupid says, she is not OK. 🙂

      “I’m smarter and more well-read than 80% of the college grads I know – schooling and intellect are not the same”
      Smarter and well-read … but not smart enough to know that without a proper qualification your odds are pretty low on landing any kind of stable work if your looks go.

      Even the Hooters Girls have to meet a basic standard.

      “I’m a radical political activist. For real, that’s what I do with my life.”
      So you’re an easily manipulated idiot, who gets the taxpayer to subsidise her living.

      Nice red flags in her favourites list.

      Any man she’s with, has to earn enough to feed three. In a tough economic climate, that’s a hard sell.

      I’m sure she’ll manage something with an alpha who’ll get his rocks off though. She gets more of what she rewards, less of what she punishes.

      And the guy is going to wonder that if she’s the reward of being a nice guy, he’d better be looking elsewhere. That is the wise decision.

      • “I’m a radical political activist. For real, that’s what I do with my life.”

        Actually, gentlemen, if you were an aging feminist activist who suddenly realized that she will most likely die alone and be eaten by her own cats, this is precisely the kind of profile you would place to entice some self-loathing Beta on his third divorce to come and be your private ATM/punching bag. She can’t say “feminist”, or she’ll make even the timid run. But what female “political activist” do you know of who doesn’t identify (strongly) with feminism?

        This one has BIOHAZARD written all over ti.

  122. crazybunny66 on said:

    wow, you´ve all done your homework, it seems, but honest guys, we´re not all THAT bad, are we?? On a positive note, If I ever were to take up online dating, I now know what NOT to put on my profile. Keep it going, you make interesting reading 😉
    @ The Private Man: nice blog, I like it 🙂

    • Ryan on said:

      “we’re not all THAT bad, are we??”

      Almost all of you.

      • P Ray on said:

        Probably because they’re not that bad … to the men they want to be with.
        Protip for guys:
        It’s stated that 80% of women, only want to have sex with 20% of men.
        If you are always coming across unreasonable women in all your relationships, you may be part of the 80% of men … that women don’t honestly want (at least not while they’re young and attractive).
        That’s your cue to leave the social scene you’re in, if it’s a family you are after …
        or do pickup if you’re not after a family.
        Remember (and I’m sure women can agree with me on this): You are not in a relationship with anyone until both of you agree that you are, tell your friends, and act like it in public. 🙂

      • crazybunny66 on said:

        @Ryan: glad you wrote almost, all is not lost then?

      • Ryan, if you don´t mind my asking, whatever happened to make you feel so …..(upset/angry/sad/…?). Contrary to popular believe here, almost all of us are not money grabbing, air-head bleached blond idiots who would screw anything or anyone for money and a good life – no offence intended.

      • experimental on said:

        P Ray…on the 80/20 thing…There are some loose women out there who will screw practically anything. There are more who will have sex, but only certain men. And then, there are some, who won’t screw hardly anything…but if the right man comes along, she may…but it would take a lot. And it’s way less than 20% for those women. And then, there are the virgins/born-again virgins who wouldn’t screw anybody. For some of the women…especially the ones in the category where it would take a lot for that woman to have sex with a man…they don’t necessarily know what that is that would make them willing to do that. It isn’t necessarily anything you can put your finger on or qualify. It’s not like you could say, “Ok, I want an intelligent man and his I.Q. has to be 130 or higher and I would have sex with him.” Obviously, that’s just an example. But it’s not necessarily something that can be qualified like that. Sometimes, it’s just simply the fact that they meet a man who just does it for them, and they can’t put their finger on it or why. And it may be that another guy comes along who is almost the exact same guy on paper…he may have the exact same job, the exact same amount of intelligence, be on the exact same level of attractiveness…but he just simply doesn’t do it for her or make her willing to do that with him.

    • Good one, dear crazy…bunny. It’s not of good sport to shame the guy over the fact that very few women contribute anything to a relationship of noteworthiness these days when you yourself have proven no better than your sisters in crime. Eat, Pray, Cats…dear.

  123. LostSailor on said:

    This one is too long to post here. Really. She’s kinda cute and apparently like to get semi-naked and drinky a lot, but…

    The crazy is strong in this one…

  124. ZLX1 on said:

    Yeah, this is one you really want to take home to mom:

    I am still thinking how to write this. But for now, I will start with the things you tell your mother about me when you realize I really am the girl next door. I am educated, you may even use the word smart. I have great family values. I am very compassionate and generous. I am thoughtful of others. and I am pretty. (modest, too.)

    Then this is what you will tell your friends: I am funny. I love to hike. Yeah,I like to go out but I am not a barfly. I am not skanky. I got my sh*t together. Oh yeah and I am pretty cool.

    All that aside, I know it sounds like a stereotypical douchebag “pattern cut out” profile but, hell I am going to rewrite this, I just wanted to get it down so I dont get all crazy shifty about the idea of online dating and delete the whole thing right away.

    If I think you are shady, a pervert or you dont have the balls to take things farther then the internet ( like actually meeting me) Yeah, I am not going to respond to you. btw, not here for casual sex or if your married. kinda wanna date someone, call me crazy I know. oh i am 5’10, sorry but i will only be your friend if you are shorter than me. I date tall guys. yep, i am a prick like that
    Hell, most of you didnt even read this and just looked at my picture to decide my worth, awesome. Just for my own amusement, if you do msg me, put the word dazzling in the context somehow so I know you read this. IDK I think it will be funny that I just keep getting, hi there.

    Oh and if I happen to know you, dont judge me jerkoffs, you are on here too

  125. ZLX1 on said:

    38, solid 6.5, I sense a little entitlement here though, it also evokes Roissy’s post about how a woman fills up her schedule when no man is around:

    I have many hobbies. Just ask! It might spark up an interesting conversation!
    My goals are to finish up paying for my home, learn how to scuba dive (why not???) and figure out why I am here on this lovely planet called earth!

    I love to go out dancing with my girlfriends on the weekends I don’t have my kids and let my hair down! After working all week, I need my “me” time…even though I LOVE being with my girlies, I want to maybe to explore a possible dating relationship with a guy! The girls are fun, but there are some things that a great guy would make even better–like walking hand in hand and going shopping and out to dinner!I’d like a guy to spoil me just a little-and in return I would spoil him too! I’d also like a guy who I can talk to and be myself with…a guy with brains, but also a guy who just wants to have fun! Are you that guy? Can we talk about the deeper meanings in life? If that is you, send me a message and I will respond!

  126. ZLX1 on said:

    Interesting, 36, a 6-7:

    I am kinda a unique girl that had it tough growing up. I overcame so much and was rewarded with hard work. I have earned everything that I have on my own. I have a 17yr old daughter that I have raised on my own, and she is my world. I take honesty very seriously. You only have one life, why get caught up in webs of lies. The truth may hurt, but I rather that than a lie.
    I am very responsible with real life, and I take my career and learning very seriously, but out of work I am silly and very outgoing. I love funny. My favorite is the type that doesn’t even know that they are funny, they just are. Sarcastic people always make me laugh as long as they are respectful…. I love movies, any movies mostly but sci-fi. I can’t get into that. My favorite food is seafood and mexican. I can get down with wings,beer, and soul food too, I love fried cabbage and greens, lol. I like to cook and try new recipes as well as read in my spare time. I like any music but country really, old school rap and R&B is my favorite. I love to travel, I haven’t been outside of the US yet, but I know I will soon enough. I just love going different places and making memories. I love learning about art and my favorite subject is psyche.
    The biggest thing about me is that I hate the cold and snow. I love the sun and swimming. When summer comes my whole mood changes. When I go to Florida, I’m dreamy. I just turned 36, but I feel and look young. I feel the world is in my hands, and I have so much I want to do. I am very adventurous. My biggest goal is relocating to Florida. I plan to do it in the near future. I’m open to meeting friends as well as dating.
    I cannot tolerate people that sit around and wait for a career or money to fall out of the sky. I don’t like disrespectful, racial or rude people that don’t listen and think the world is about them. I don’t care for non-listeners that are playing video games and have a cell phone in the other hand. I absolutely hate liars.
    I do like to be treated with kindness and I think the littlest things in life mean the most, notes in your lunch, on the mirror…a rose in your car, car doors being opened by the man…you name it, a precious girl should be treated like a princess.

  127. Jester on said:

    I had to put this one up… I was friggin cracking-up reading this profile. The last line almost made me wet myself.
    I’m just going guess here, but I think she may be looking for a non-drinker. Ironically, she’s a smoker… Because there is no evidence of smoking taking lives at all ages of life. lol
    http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=33775171

    ** NOTE ** IF YOU DRINK, EVEN SOCIALLY, SORRY I AM NOT INTERESTED. PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT ME.

    I MUST EMPHASIZE THIS AS I LOST A GIRLFRIEND DEC 23, 2011 TO AN ALCOHOL OVERDOSE, SHE TOOK HER OWN LIFE.

    I AM A NON-DRINKER, NON USER OF MIND ALTERING SUBSTANCES. CLEAN & SOBER.

    I am an ELEGANT PRINCESS, passionate, romantic, classy, sassy, witty, free spirited and very spiritual woman who enjoys theater, opera, comedy, dancing, movies, eating out, coffee, family, friends, movies and the spiritual realm.

    I am searching for a definite ALPHA MALE who is also a NON-DRINKER, NON-USER OF MIND ALTERNING SUBSTANCES, CLEAN & SOBER who is confident, aggressive, assertive, and masculine, yet is kind, loving and sensitive to me. A BUSINESS OWNER / PRESIDENT / CEO of an ackomplished Company and well-to-do Professional. Someone who when we go out automatically holds doors for me, who lights my cigerette, who helps me with my coat/sweater who stands on his own two feet, who has good values & morals, is honest, mature, funny and would protect me. I am interested in something long term and should I ever marry again, I want a wedding like the one in the “Guns N Roses” You Tube Video of “November Rain”. So, sweep me off my feet and make all my dreams come true and you will be well compensated with benefits. Prefer cut men. If you like cooking, that would be great. I hate cooking!! You must be CLEAN & SOBER, a non-user of alcohol and mind altering substances.

    The photos of me were taken in August of 2011 at some friends and since then I have lost a few more pounds, on purpose. I have been taking better care of myself. In the last year, I have lost 40lbs eating right, walking etc… I am slender now.

    I am a Libra which means balance. Balance in my life is very important to me. Having said that; honesty, trust, good values and loyalty are also things I admire, desire and search for.

    I do not drink, but I do smoke and someday I would like to quit. I will not be interested in anyone that does drink. This is extremely important to me.

    My music varies; I do like to go dancing but I also enjoy abit of jazz, classical, rock, grove and funk.

    If you have read this far, watch the You Tube Video/Slide Show of Love’s Theme by Barry White; if you get a chill watching it, you’ll understand me and how music takes you places in your heart. You may, perhaps, be the gentleman for me.

    LAST NOTE:

    I clearly indicate many times in my profile NOT to be contacted by anyone who drinks, even socially (this would include moderate drinking as well). Simply put, if we were to meet and spend time together, there will come a day, a time or an event where you will order or have an alcoholic beverage. At this point, I will get up and leave and that will be the end of it.

    Therefore we won’t ever meet if you drink socially or even moderately.

    I am quite serious about finding someone that does not drink. It is a dealbreaker for me. It’s very important to me not to be around people who drink as I have seen drinking escalate, witnessed the violent, horrific and gruesome results it can lead to and lived it. So, for my own safety, I can not be with or around people who drink.

    First Date
    Pick me up in either a Rolls Royce, Cadillac or Limo is a wonderful way to start. I do like the FINER things in life. I’m being honest. I’m an Elegant Princess looking for her Alpha Male King.

    • LostSailor on said:

      I’m sure she’s being honest. Really. That limo should be pulling up any second now.

      I’m predicting that after decades of being pumped-and-dumped by her supposed Alphas, she’s going to wake up on the sofa in her studio apartment with a handle of Smirnoff’s and ask her cats where the hell she went wrong…

    • She’s a recovering alcoholic, the type that will relapse if they get the slightest whiff of an alcoholic drink.

  128. Jester on said:

    If anyone can tell me WTF this woman is saying in her profile I will give them a prize! lol
    Honestly, she’s probably one of the creepiest looking women I have ever seen. She would fit right in with the rest of the Adam’s Family. I think even Uncle Fester might be challenged trying to understand WTF she is talking about in her profile.Have at it boys! lol
    http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=28990744

    Interests

    FitnessTae Box Tweakwando and Karaty

    About Me
    . I like Bananas very long and very big 10 inche and more MANDIGO And Like SMIRNOFF ICE and me drink 8 foor be good Hi There and thanx for dropin by. I will try to make this short as possible.Its hard to talk about yourself with out trying to sound to egotistical. lol 3 things my friends would say that describes I am a smart Female seeking Man who enjoy Funny time. I am very open minded and am hugely attracted to attached females who like guys at once. If this you you, I’d love to speak with you. If you are more into conventional one-on-one play, feel free to message me as well, but please be open minded. I am especially attracted to attached/married man PIMP and Gangster – I have always enjoyed forbidden fruiti I am very dominant and like inche really hard I’m really a big mistress who control much in his house And my washer is very clean and me Rap Game whit celebrity Follow me in TWITTER or Facebook Josianne Lasoprano or http://www.twitter./lasopranos Bye Am Real Quebecor whit England oh oui oh la la la oh oui o yes and like lot laught ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha All and ist me make all payment and paye all bill my condo my bunker my local my studio hip hop my office my appartement Duplex and complex my bar You think me liars Me rap games whit some celebrity Go Douwnload Mixtape G-unit in B-Torrent after Go The pirate bay and writer G-unit and Search Return G-unit ist Me xxxxx Good luck whit me Man ! Lucky Luciano I’m a very hardworking all round great gurl
    And all those close to me I know that all my dogs are well trained and I’m the big panthers Am Big Joker for Biker

    First Date
    The Mafia Cosa Nostra after Gomorrah and camorra Gangstreet and Hell’s Angels Am crew

  129. LostSailor on said:

    Actually, Jester, those last two profiles were written by the same woman.

    The trick is figuring out which was was the “before” and which was the “after”…

  130. LostSailor on said:

    Here’s one from OKC. 39. Pics are only of her face, top of her breasts, and eyes. Listed as 5’5″ and “curvy.” She’s obviously not just hit the wall but likely plowed into it.

    My self-summary
    You may want to skip past this rant. You have been warned.

    I’m a kind girl, a most of the time good girl, and I hate to sound unkind because I love love love men… but…

    Once upon a time, people met offline and couldn’t fake their height, age, or looks as- tadaa: there they were face to face. I mean sure, one of the two (or both) might turn out to be a total tool(s), but at least in that moment of first meeting there were no immediate visible surprises. But now here we are in the candy store– the never ending bar… and for some bizarre reason, women tend to lie about their weight and age and for men it seems height and age are the top two attributes that are altered.

    I’m not looking for a male model. The sexiest part of a man is his brain. And his hands. And his voice. For starters.

    Oh- and honesty. Honesty would be swell.

    In other words, if you are a 60 year old man who is looking for a Mazda Miata with a pussy, just say so! No need to slice off a decade and pretend you want a deep meaningful relationship with a contemporary. Trust me, there are a gaggle of 20-something-year-olds who will be happy to ride your wave until it crests or they find a bigger one. In other words, don’t lie.

    If you want an incubater, again: just lay it on the line. There are a ton of women in NYC who are quite ready and willing to share/raise a baby with you providing you aren’t a sociopath and are gainfully employed.

    And if you are looking for a sassy, sexy, quirky woman who is so not a hipster but so so cool: Ahem… me! Over here! Write me.

    I don’t lie. I really am 5’5″and a half ( there was no option for half inches) and I am an average build (with curves). My hair is blonde, and my eyes are light. My lips full. And though not viewable, my brain… I’ve got a good one. None of my limbs are unscrewable. And while I am unscrewable (on the first date that is) if I like you, I’m happy to screw (and screw and screw and screw) after we know each other a bit.

    I haven’t gotten any in a while, and the only guys that hit on my are old men who don’t mind a pump-n-dumpR once in a while

    • LostSailor on said:

      More…

      What I’m doing with my life
      After 12 years of not typing/writing a creative word, I just started writing again. This makes me very happy.

      I have nothing else to do, so I’m going back to writing bad lovelorn poetry. This doesn’t really make me happy, but that’s what I have a hamster for.

      You should message me if
      You are smart, sexy, tactile, affectionate, handsome, give good voice…. Pleasepleaseplease, just be moderately hot and under 50…
      You are a man not a boy. and have a big one
      You like yourself. not a complete loser; partial losers are okay
      You generally play well with others and have showered in the last week. Okay, two weeks
      You like to be the boss in bed. (not anything crazy… just that you know when to be gentle and when to be rough). C’mon, you know how I like it…
      You are a great kisser. just do me already
      You believe that laughing about a crappy day is more productive than sulking. and your Xanax prescription is up to date
      You are a good hug giver. really, just do me already
      You are kind.
      You are honest. actually, just lie to me. I’ll believe it

      Oh! And for the love of little tender baby Jesus, please write me a thoughtful message if you want a reply. Doesn’t have to be an opus. Just more than: “You’re hot!” and NEVER “Wass-up?”

      I seriously considered sending a “wass-up” message. I still might… Oh, and given her comments above about creepy 60-year-old guys, she lists her desired upper age-range as 60. If this shit weren’t amusing, it would be depressing.

      • How old are you? Don’t you recognize a mock profile. It’s not real, it’s a funny fake profile, they did it for fun.

      • LostSailor on said:

        How old am I? Old enough to still throw you over my knee…

        Profile is real, darlin’. No woman can fake this level of anger and entitlement.

    • P Ray on said:

      Haha… can’t fake their height, looks or age.
      But could certainly fake their qualifications, job history, character, financial status, marital history, health/mental conditions, achievements and reciprocity.

      She’s the one they mention with the saying “some people grow up, and some people just grow old”.

      • P Ray on said:

        Oh whoops, what am I saying:
        Botox, fillers (alliderm – zombielips), makeup, high heels
        what was that she said about people couldn’t fake age, height or looks in person?

    • Really? Are you out of your mind? Do you think women are lining up to get impregnated by an old man when they can get a man their own age who can give them a healthier baby. The only women I see doing this are low life gold diggers. Yeah, she’ll make a fine mother.

      Starting at age 25 men’s risks starts increasing for father related illnesses for their babies.

      By the time a man is in his late 30’s those risks have increased so much more. So the younger the man is, the healthier the baby, and the younger the man is the more it reduces those risks brought on by the mother. Look it up on wikipedia. There has been some research done relating some types of autism where the father’s older age might be factoring in.
      Plus, how the heck is an old man going to play with a kid without risking breaking his hip or the many age related problems of old age?

      • Such a litany of rationalizations and denial. Your hamster is strong.

      • Starting at age 25 men’s risks starts increasing for father related illnesses for their babies.

        Six of one, half-doz of the other. Women have long since reached their peak child-bearing years once age 25 has come along. Were you making a point?

  131. LostSailor on said:

    Okay. One more short one. 55yo IMs me. Sparse, uninteresting profile, but here’s the gem:

    Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
    Pizza, Hot dogs, Cake, Ice cream, Hamburgers. Music, “all types” And comedy,

    Funny, I haven’t read any of those books or seen any of those movies. I have heard of the band Cake, however…

    • So, what’s wrong with listing your favorite foods? That was part of the question.

      • LostSailor on said:

        From your earlier comment, I took you to be just a typical, naive woman. But this is just reveals a garden-variety troll.

  132. 40 y.o. Nice looking for 40. Age adjusted 7? The hamster, it is strong.

    So I will begin with this I know what I want and am not willing to settle for less simply because for the past 20 years I have!

    I’m 40 divorced for nine years my son is 20 and in college! I’ve had several successful long term relationships and several not so successful.

    I’m looking to find someone who is divorced first and foremost if you are not DIVORCED please do not message me. I am NOT interested. Not to be rude but if the ink is still drying not a good time to message me either. Again I have been single (less the relationships here and there) for over nine years and I do not want to be your re-bound person.

    Since some of you have failed to read I do NOT tolerate SMOKERS even if you have listed “Trying to quit” not acceptable….

    I am ready for a long term relationship and am looking for someone who is truly at that point in their life as well.
    I have been on eHarmony, Match, and several other dating sites and every now and then I step back from the dating merry-go-round of hell and take a breath.
    I found this site on my iPhone and thought I would see what it is all about. That is why I am here and that is why my “Self-Summary comes off harsh and abrasive.
    Putting my soul out there as I have done in the past?? Well I guess if I meet someone and we hit it off then I will bear my soul to them…..

  133. ZLX1 on said:

    38 y.o., This is just, well, classic hamsterish…, here you go:

    Doesn’t anyone read my profile?? I want someone WITHOUT kids! If you have kids and they’re over 18, I MIGHT consider it! Also, I am looking for a guy who’s religious. I know not everyone on here is and that is fine– for someone else– not me. I will not settle. I’ve been waiting my whole life for the perfect guy. I’ve never married and have no kids. I really have no baggage. Please read my profile, too. It’s not that much info.

    You should message me if:

    YOU DON’T HAVE KIDS, ARE NOT PSYCHO, NO: TATTOOS, WEIRD PIERCINGS, HARLEY’S, DUIs, SMOKING, EVEN CIGARS (EVEN MORE GROSS THAN CIGS), CRAZY EXES, LOOK, I’M LOOKING FOR THE NORMAL GUY THAT IS ATTRACTIVE TOO. ATTRACTION IS PARAMOUNT.

  134. Jay in DC on said:

    I feel like I shouldn’t even bother posting this profile here because if you are in Hell on Earth for Dating AKA DC, you know the drill. You can rubber stamp this profile here because every other chick has it. You needn’t go farther than myself, Phil in DC, Roosh, or Roissy for education about the No Man’s Land this place is for dating. But here we go anyways—

    ————————————————————-
    “I’m a to the point person so here it is…
    I’m not out here looking for a good time, I’m looking for something real which can be hard to find in the hectic world we live in.
    I work hard, play hard, and laugh a lot and I’m looking for someone that enjoys the same. They should be confident, but not cocky, and they should know the difference. They should want a strong, confident, successful woman who needs support, attention, and affection and plans to give the same.
    I’m competitive by nature but I don’t argue which can drive some people nuts. i would rather spend my time kicking ass on a pool table instead of arguing. Pool was a hobby that became a passion, maybe an obsession, none the less…I love it. I play pool in three leagues two nights a week (APA) and I usually go to Vegas for competitions once or twice a year. I’d like someone that can enjoy this with me but is doesn’t have to be their passion, it is my passion, they can have a passion of their own and maybe we can share. 🙂
    I love to travel and always make it an experience. I have visited Russia during White Nights and have built houses in Nicaragua and I plan to do more of the same. I want to start taking some short trips to Europe, it is unforgivable that I haven’t been to France or Italy in all of my travels.
    Do i want to be swept off my feet? Yes, at least a little. That doesn’t necessarily mean fancy dinners or extravagant gifts, it is more about thoughtfulness. Though, fine dining is something I truly enjoy and I like a man that will make the decisions about restaurants and picking wine. I have a stressful job and make decisions all day and sometimes I just like someone else to lead so I can follow. If I want something in particular, you will know, I’m not shy about expressing my opinion or desires.
    Those are just a few things about me, there is much more to explore. If you are reading this, you know how it works. If you think we are a fit, contact me and we will see what happens.

    I’m a Capture Manager for a government contractor. I focus on large or strategic deals – usually $300M or breaking into a new client. I sometimes work long hours, espeically during a proposal, but I love my job even though I can complain about it. Salary- 150,000+”
    ————————————————————————-
    Oh and she has “a cat”. Something tells me she will be collecting a few more at 35 years old already…

    • P Ray on said:

      I wonder how much of her dealmaking is about spreading the love.
      Or deliberately lowballing the figures or working through FUD.

    • someguy302004 on said:

      Jay

      I live in the dc area as well. I feel your pain. I have to go through so many women here… Manly, abrasive, and mean women. There are exceptions though… Rarely. Sadly they up their perceived value even more and eventually become pains like the rest.

      Good luck

  135. ZLX1 on said:

    This is delightful. 37 Y.O.:

    About Me
    Let’s face it, writing these things sucks and it really doesn’t matter what you say because someone could seem like your perfect match on paper and when you meet, you might have no chemistry at all. So, I’m going to skip all the “I like a fun night out, but also enjoy snuggling on the couch” stuff because honestly, don’t we all?! Here’s me in a nutshell…I’m fun, funny, educated and sarcastic. My favorite show is It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and I can’t stand people who are too sensitive or get offended by every little thing. Some things are just funny, it won’t kill you to laugh at them! I also hate when people have the spelling ability of a 1st grader or refuse to capitalize or punctuate anything…not everything you write is a text message and people managed to write things before cell phones…oh the horror! Anyway, after all that, if you still want to contact me, go right ahead!

    First Date
    Anything that makes me want a second date.

  136. Ok….so I’m reading these and steadily losing hope if I should ever find myself single. jeez. I didn’t realize men hate smart confident women so much. Why did I bother getting my education? Boobs would have been cheaper.

    • There’s nothing with being smart and confident. There’s a whole lot wrong with being bossy and domineering. Learn the difference.

      But you’re right in the long run, boobs would have been cheaper. While a woman is impressed with a man’s education, a man cares quite little about a woman’s education.

      • As Bernard Chapin says, a gym membership in a woman is more important that a bachelors degree to attract a man.

        A woman being strong and confident is not an excuse to be a bitch, even for a second. That’s where most women cross the line.

    • LostSailor on said:

      You got an education? That’s nice. Hopefully you did it for yourself rather than under the mistaken assumption that it would attract a man. Can’t tell whether you’d have been better off spending the money on boob without seeing what you got. But if that’s your go-to comment…

      You really shouldn’t be depressed by this site or the posts of these profiles. Instead, take it as an educational opportunity. There’s a reason this profile was posted, and it has absolutely nothing to do with a woman being strong or confident. This particular profile doesn’t relate “strong and confident.” It resonates with bitchy and hard-to-please. Key word: she’s sarcastic. My read on this one is that this woman frequently makes cutting, inappropriate remarks and finds that it turns people off and even offends some. She’s also hyper-critical of minor spelling and grammar and seems likely to be hyper-critical in other areas as well.

      Now, she could be perfectly pleasant, perhaps actually witty. Perhaps she just wants to bring out the best in people so they can be the best that they can be in an uplifting and positive way. But it’s highly unlikely. The point is, this is an online dating profile. Designed to attract a man who might ask to meet her for a date. If this is how she chooses to put her best foot forward, experience in online dating would inform us that she’s likely to be a horror show…

    • i’m one of the few men who do care about a woman’s education, but it has little to do with her career or earning potential. I didn’t lay awake at night when I was 14 whacking off to images of cogently-argued doctoral theses or insightful cultural commentaries. The only reason I wanted a wife with an education was so that she would be able to a) keep up with me intellectually and b) provide a good example for our children. As it was, I went with Mrs. Ironwood, fresh out of High School. She didn’t have an education . . . but she was educatable, which we established over the course of our courtship. We later invested in her education for financial reasons, but I hardly get a lump in my pants thinking about her diplomas.

      Want to know what did attract me? Her social adeptness, her charm, her grace under pressure, her gentle humor . . . and the fact that she doesn’t try to wave “strong and confident” around to get attention the way a man does. I don’t mind that she’s strong and confident, but it isn’t a requirement — the way she demonstrates that strength and that confidence, in decidedly feminine ways, is what sets her apart from her career-monkey single girlfriends. So she gets the prize.

    • P Ray on said:

      You talk about having an education – what field are you educated in?
      Let’s hope it’s not something in the social sciences or the liberal arts…

    • experimental on said:

      Thank goodness I don’t need a boob job, for I could not afford one. Feeling very blessed for what I have. 😀 I got my education for myself, to better myself, not for any man. I was not the least bit interested in men back then. I was focused on my education, not on dating. I only dated after I had everything done that I wanted to do and knew I could put some time and effort into it.

  137. Ok, so you are most concerned about looks. Then when you find out she’s bitchy or bossy later your all surprised and pissed cuz you didn’t take the time to be attracted to a personality rather than a set of tits? Do you see how that could backfire.

    • This is exactly what courtship is for men.

    • LostSailor on said:

      And of course, personality is easily and accurately conveyed by an online dating profile.

      Sorry, hon, it’s all part of a package. Good looks, pleasant personality, interesting mind. Pleasant personality with a lack of effort to be decent looking isn’t going to fuel attraction. And you can’t force or fake attraction (well, you can, but the results are disastrous, especially for men who swallow the feminist line and lie to themselves about what they find attractive).

      Isn’t the feminist line that women shouldn’t “settle”? Well, the men here aren’t going to settle either, even if it hurts your feelings.

      • I realize attraction is a part of the dating package, I’m actually in a relationship right now….that wasn’t my point really at all. I was talking about when someone doesn’t bother with the pleasant personality or interesting mind, and is only paying attention to looks or the sex aspect and trying to gently point out that’s the cause of a lot of heart ache. (And it doesn’t hurt my feelings, I don’t have issues in that area)

      • LostSailor on said:

        I think the point was in your comment you assumed that men aren’t interested in personality, only a set of tits. All this from a man’s reaction to an online dating profile. The number 1 thing a man looks for in an online dating profile is attractiveness, primarily based on the pictures posted. The profiles of women on line are generally blandly generic and of little use in determining her personality. The main purpose of reading a woman’s online profile for a man is to scout for red flags. Some of the ones with the worst red flags get posted to this thread for TPM’s reader’s general edification and amusement.

        I’m not here to cause or prevent a woman’s heartache. I’m here to learn tips to more effectively navigate the world of dating 2.0 (both online and offline) to find a decent woman and hopefully a relationship. Until that stage is reached, you’re responsible for your own heart, just like men are. Wasn’t that the point of feminism?

      • experimental on said:

        Women are screwed in terms of personality and in terms of how their profile “characterizes” her personality. I’ve seen things picked apart here that I didn’t even see at all…men reading WAY into things that weren’t that way at all. If women have too many standards, they are “shallow” or have “too high expectations” or whatever. If women have too few standards, they are desperate. And what in the heck, by the way, is “entitlement”? I haven’t heard that much, if at all, before that site. I find it kind of weird that men seem to be obsessed about that. What’s wrong with a woman having some reasonable expectations. Also, there is a lot of criticism on this site about women stating what they want and making their profiles about them. The profiles SHOULD be about them. They want to attract me who actually CARE about them, not just themselves. There are comments about how you should tell the guy in your profile about everything you are going to do for him, everything that would make him attracted to you and make him want to be in a relationship with you. I would think most of the women on the site are looking for a man who actually cares about HER and is not obsessed with all of the things she wants to do for/can give him. A lot of men want it all…they want the career woman who can go to work and make money, bring them a lot of income to the relationship, yet have that same woman be at home to serve and service them when they get home from work, have food on the table when they get home, somehow magically get all of their laundry done in spite of the fact that the woman, too, is at work all day, and still, at the end of the day, be energetic enough to have porn star sex with them. Sorry, guys…UNREALISTIC. There may be a few women out there who could actually do all of that and more…everything you expect in a woman…but there are precious few who can. I’m real enough to say and admit upfront that I am NOT one of those women and I CAN’T!!! With me, a guy’s gotta pick what he wants, and he really doesn’t get “all of the above”. He only gets enough of the choices as I can reasonably provide. And guess what guys? If a woman is out all day working her 8 hour (or more) a day job, has to come home and work herself to the bone serving YOU, her looks are going to likely go downhill. She would have to have freakin’ awesome genes to still be beautiful and perfect-looking and have a perfect body, even after all of that. So if you expect too much of your woman in other areas, you can cross “looks” off the list. You can just accept that you will have a woman who does most of what you want her to do, but she’s going to be a 4 or lower on the looks scale once you get done with her. Sorry, but that is how the real world works.

        Another thing that really annoys me is when a woman is called a “gold-digger” simply because she wants the old traditional setup of a guy paying for the date, paying for her meal. That’s freaking ridiculous! I could see it being reasonable if a woman was asking for all kinds of material things IN ADDITION to the guy paying for the meal and for the date and saying that she wouldn’t date a guy who wouldn’t buy her all of those things or wasn’t loaded. But there is nothing wrong with being old fashioned and wanting a guy to treat you with chivalry and pay for dates and meals and things. I guarantee you that MOST guys would do that if they really, really, really liked a girl and wanted to impress her. A guy will do practically anything for a girl in that situation. And a girl definitely shouldn’t take advantage of that situation, but he would. Also, I hate to hear when guys are complaining about a girl wanting a guy to HAVE A JOB. WTF?????!!!! What, so we are just supposed to find losers who sit at home and do nothing attractive? What? It’s the same thing with what you guys are saying about a “strong and independent” (or whatever you said) woman not really appealing to men. Well, guess what? Men who don’t work, don’t have jobs, don’t typically appeal to most women. It’s just the way it is. I didn’t write the rules.

        Also, this goes back to the whole idea of men’s selfishness and them thinking the woman has to do everything to please them and like the whole universe has to be centered around them…the mention of fellatio. Seriously? I would love to see a guy say…yeah, I LOVE cunnilingus…I LOVE doing it, and of course, I love receiving the same in return from the woman, but only have I’ve pleased my woman in that way. Because I want my woman to actually WANT to do that to me. I want to make her want to do that to me. But aside from that, I love to see my woman pleased, and I love to know that I am the one bringing her this out-of-this world pleasure that makes her want to have sex with me all the time. That’s what a real man is!!!

    • Yeah, looks only get you in the door. It takes a lot more to keep you there more than one or two dates, and then a WHOLE lot more to even consider a permanent commitment. Any dude who marries without at least a 3 year observation period and extensive investigation deserves his attorney’s fees.

  138. ZLX1 on said:

    I didn’t say anything about the woman’s looks. I submitted her age and what she wrote. Her looks did not matter. It was her personality, which you are so concerned that we should love as much has her looks, that turned me off to her. Her looks were great.

    What turned me off was the following:

    1. She states writing these things (dating profiles) sucks: indicates to me that she thinks online dating is beneath her. I have actually read profiles where women flat out said “I can’t believe I’ve sunk this low…” as the opening line of their profile. Really? So then I guess because I am doing online dating I’m a lowly piece of crap? Get over yourself dear.

    2. She said she’s educated. I’m neutral on that point, other than every woman puts that in her profile as if to say “Look what a great catch I am! I’m educated!” That’s neither here nor there for me. A masters in organizational management doesn’t give me a boner. What!!!???? That’s right, I’m looking for a woman that I am attracted to and her educational attainments are not part of the package that does it for me. That’s a nice to have, not a must have. If I was a woman looking for man, his education and career would be much higher up on the list of important stuff I was looking for.

    3. She says she is sarcastic. Sarcasm is not the same as having a good sense of humor or wit. I deal with tough people all day in my business. When I get home the last thing in the world I want to be is “challenged” or to play word games with an acid tongued woman. I’m not asking for too much. Just a woman who exudes warmth and humor rather than sarcasm.

    4. She says she can’t stand people who are sensitive or get offended by every little thing. This would indicate to me that she is the kind of person who says and does a lot of overt and covert things to “sting” the people around her and then wants to act surprised that their feelings are hurt.

    5. She “hates” (her word) people who can’t spell properly or use good grammar. Well, her’s is not the best. This indicates to me that she is hypercritical. So, if she met a guy in person somewhere that she found attractive, he was charming and fun, and then he texted her later and misspelled something, she would dump him instantly? Don’t think so. Why put it online and turn people off?

    6. Makes contacting her seem like a dare: “Anyway, after all that, if you still want to contact me, go right ahead!” No thanks.

    7. Her idea for a first date: “Anything that makes me want a second date.” So, I am here to provide the entertainment for her? Is that correct? Am I not also a human being out on this date? Does she not have a responsibility to try to make a good impression on me as well and to make me desire to see her again? I guess not in her world. I’m just a wallet, tour guide and stand-up comic all in one. “Hey honey – you bring the vagina, and I’ll bring the money and the funny!”

    This is what I am looking for in a long term interest, and I don’t think I’m atypical:

    1. I must be physically attracted to her. Oh my gosh you put that first???!!! Yeah, I did. Believe it or not, there are women out there who are flattered that their date, boyfriend, husband finds them physically irresistible. Or would you prefer something else? Like I tell my friends “Yeah, she has a nice personality and she’s educated, but the only way I can bring myself to have sex with her is to turn the lights out…” I don’t think you would. I’m not asking for Kate Beckinsale and I’m not personally pretty enough to date her. I’m just looking for whatever it is that I find attractive. Sometimes that’s a woman with brown hair, sometimes blonde. Sometimes she is taller and thin, sometimes a little shorter and curvier. I just have to find her attractive.

    2. Must be feminine in appearance and demeanor. It’s okay for a woman to be a woman and for a man to be a man, and for the two of them to be together. I only date women with long hair, who do a little make-up and who wear dresses and heels from time to time. I don’t put up with women who have boob tattoos or who cuss, drink, or smoke to excess or otherwise act like men or masculine. I like women, not men with boobs.

    3. Must have life skills. I judge, and yes I just used that word, I judge her as I find out more information. I’m looking to see if she makes responsible decisions and can manage her life in a reasonable manner. I bring a lot to the table. I require that any woman I would be serious with bring similar qualities. Not that she should have the same financial resources or attainments that I do, but that she conducts her life in such a way that one day I might consider entrusting things to her because she has a track record of not being a loser.

    4. Must be fun and engaging. I don’t expect her to entertain me but I don’t want to hang around with a sourpuss that never laughs and always has a frown on her face. I like a woman with whom it is pleasant to spend time with. So when we are not having lots of sex, it is fun to do things together and to talk and to kid around.

    5. Must be compatible with my lifestyle. If she is so busy going to girls night’s out, zip lining, kayaking, volunteering, rock climbing, chasing after her children, etc., etc. then I can’t date her with serious intent. I will not accept that I will invest my time with someone who would place me in 6th or 7th place in her life. There are many other women who would not do that. Why settle right? (chuckle) Nor will I mold my life to revolve around her family and friends. I am happy to build a life together with her, but I am not abandoning mine all of mine to be her lap dog, waiter and chauffeur.

    6. She must have morals and have some type of inner spiritual life. Watching Jersey Shore and reading Cosmo horoscopes doesn’t count.

    7. Oh yeah, she has to be educated. I almost forgot that one.

    ——————————–

    So given this woman’s looks and personality combination what is my personal assessment in regards to would I attempt to date her? I would bang her but she seems like a pain in the ass and it would personally be painful for me to spend the time with her required to get her into bed. Not worth the effort of even casual interest or a fuck and run / pump and dump adventure. I’m sure just a few profile clicks away is some rich doctor or lawyer who has been waiting his whole life to sweep such a woman off of her feet. Never fear, Prince Charming is right around the corner I suspect.

    • experimental on said:

      A lot of women have a hard time wrapping their heads around why looks are SOOOO important to a guy, because women are actually capable of becoming PHYSICALLY attracted to a guy based on his personality. There are many times when a woman meets a man who isn’t all that attractive to her at first physically, but then he makes her laugh, makes her relax, or shows her another part of his wonderful personality, and then that great personality shines out through his looks, and it makes him attractive to her. And if he was already attractive to her, it makes him that much more attractive to her than before.

      • GattoGrigio on said:

        Bella, I know I’m late I just HAVE to call this one out.

        You grossly underestimate the importance of physical attraction. It is fundamental for the long term. The history of male/female relationships is littered with the detritus of failed marriages that foundered because it just got too hard to keep getting pleasure from fucking a good personality.

        Quote: *….because women are actually capable of becoming PHYSICALLY attracted to a guy based on his personality*.

        Perhaps, but eventually it gets to those females and spawns the Eat Pray Love & Stella Got Her Groove Syndromes. Especially if the female is an Alpha Widow.

        It does not get to males (usually) because we do not mate (usually) based on personalities alone.

        Seriously, how often have you heard the line: “He’s a terrific guy: great personality, considerate lover, fabulous father & wonderful provider but I’m not haaaaappy.” Read: “I want to fuck someone I’m attracted too.”?

  139. Pingback: Awful Profiles by Women « Paul Murray's Blog

  140. M.W. on said:

    I think I worked out why so many of these profiles are so bad.

    Women see dating and relationships as an adversarial negotiation. These profiles are an initial offer: “I got this face, this ass, this degree, and I want this in exchange”. They expect to bargain, expect to haggle. The “you must put up with this bitchiness” is just a negotiating tactic.

    So, perhaps reply mail that reads “Well, I got these abs and this money, so I won’t put up with bitchiness for more than 30 minutes three days a week” is what they expect in reply.

    You see – to women, relationships are like what a job is to a man. It’s their primary source of income, of security. So they treat it like a job hunt, and they angle for the best salary and conditions they can get. They think this is normal – after all: it’s they way that their friends treat relationships when they talk.

    They don’t understand that men don’t see it that way. These women don’t know what the words “love” and “commitment” mean.

    • experimental on said:

      The reason men and women are at war with each other in terms of relationship is sex. Sex has caused and created such a huge rift between genders. Most men are trying to get sex, and as quickly as possible. Most women are trying to hold off as long as possible…until marriage if they possibly can. Most women are willing to concede and hve sex with a man before marriage if it looks like she won’t be able to get married without doing that. But if she could, she’d wait. This is how it is for most women and most men. Obviously, you have those cases that lie outside the norm.

  141. Robin Lee fuson on said:

    from a 42 year old chubby PHD, one picture..
    About Me
    so…a little about myself. Well I am a very strong willed, head strong, SCORPIO woman. I am focused and attentive, along with caring and easy going.

    Currently right now, I am finishing my PhD and I am focused upon my education but am looking for new friends…friends with benefits…or lord knows what else.

    Now I do have to say exciting news…Madonna just turned 52 and has a 23 year old toy~! You go girl!!!

    If you don’t have a sense of humor, you won’t understand what is below and please just don’t read the ad, only because too many people just don’t have a sense of humor!

    Now accepting applications for Friend with Benefits.

    This position is NOT covered by state or federal EEOC laws. I have the right to discriminate, based upon my own tastes, desires and wants!

    To apply for this position, please read the list of requirements below along with submitting a photo and a 500 word essay on why you want this position and a second essay on the characteristics of a Scorpio.

    Your application will be based upon photos and essays. Yes, I am picky, I will be making my first impressions by 1) your photograph which should be recent within the past 3 months and NOT a mirror shot or nude! (ok…I am shallow and picky…I don’t care!) and 2) your writing abilities. When writing, do not even think about telling me what you want to do to me or how you are going to do it. This will result in instant round filing.

    About me: I am a very independent multi-racial woman, who knows what I want. I am finishing my PhD and excited to be working within my field soon. I am a curvy woman who enjoys and loves her curves, and will not tolerate anybody poking at my curves. I have TONS of confidence and it will not be stripped away by anybody.

    Regarding this position:
    This position, of Friends with Benefits is a ¾ to full time position, that is based upon my schedules, wants and desires. Applicant must be monogamous and not involved in second or third relationship at the same time as holding this position. Applicant must be clean.
    Below is a list of requirements that you MUST fully meet in order to even apply for this position.

    PLEASE DO NOT BOTHER TO APPLY IF …
    You view the world as a “problem”
    You support Arizona’s new laws
    Your ideal home is a double wide trailer
    Your idea of fun is running around to comic book conventions
    You spend more time reading animae than you do intellectual books.
    Your idea of dressing up is flat front pants and sweatshirts.
    Your goal in life is to get to the next level of whatever screwed up game you are playing.
    You fully understand, know and participate in Myst, Warcraft, D & D, or any other fantasy game.
    You do not know the definition of “manscaping” or participate in it.
    You have more back, arm, stomach, or butt hair than on your head.
    You still live at home with your parents. (there are exceptions to this that can be considered)
    You have children, either living with you or not. (This is POSSIBLY negotiable. It is on a wait and see method)
    You are looking to get married.
    You DON’T understand a female Scorpio and their NEEDS. *this is critical*
    Your shirts don’t extend further than your waist.
    You, for some reason, can appear on the people of walmart website.
    You seem to think it is normal to have a 24 hour relationship with 420. NO, you don’t have glaucoma so don’t pull the “medical” card on me!
    You find your form of financial support by dealing in drugs, being a drug mule or have anything to do with the drug industry.
    You have a criminal record that is LONGER than a 2 year olds record.
    You are older than 40 or younger than 20.
    You are looking for a “queen” to keep or put on a pedestal.
    Your idea of “fun” is playing with any star wars or star trek toys.
    You are appalled by tattoos or piercings. I just got 2 new piercings…and am loving them!!!
    You seem to think that Lindsey Lohan is an ideal role model.
    You drink more than the ideal distillery can produce in a day.
    You think you are an “Insane Clown Posse” Juggaloo
    You spend more time in front of your game console than you do outside.
    You suffer from “dunlap” syndrome…My stomach done lapped over my waist line.
    You bend over and somebody can mistake you for a crack dealer.
    You found the song “pants on the ground” offensive.
    You seem to think that Flavor Flav and Little Wayne are dental poster children, and you strive to be like them…NO GRILLS! They belong on the front of cars or in the back yard.
    You don’t understand consideration and kindness.
    You don’t understand empathy.
    You seem to think that you will be in control of this position.
    You only own Birkenstocks and don’t know the meaning of dressing up.
    All the shirts in your closet are flannel, wife beaters or products of walmart.
    Your daily wear is camouflage or hunting gear.
    Your car/Truck has a lift system on it that you think is “just cool”. (Not sexy at all)
    You own more weapons than you have freckles on your face.
    You have MESSED up teeth! Do not even think about it. Do not even try. And if they are removable, then truly don’t do it!
    You seem to think that 3” and 30 seconds is the best sex you have ever had…or will ever have.
    You do not understand that most intimate relationships are about female satisfaction. Do it right or don’t do it at all!
    Your life revolves around the technical side of computers.
    You do not have a cell phone because there are no ghetto carriers in your area.
    You do not carry a smart phone because you’re dumb.
    I have seen you at work. I am a CO…so, if you know what a CO is, you would know where I have seen you.
    You feel that anything you can get at “Generation X” is stylish.
    You cannot figure out a simple way to make me smile.
    If for some reason you think, you are a rapper or a rap star…don’t bother to apply.
    If you are relying upon public transportation, do not bother to apply.
    Finally,
    If you don’t have common sense…don’t apply.

    All applications will be reviewed. If I am interested, I will contact you. Any inability to follow directions, will result in automatic round filing.

    Sincerely,
    Your new Friend.

    First Date
    My first date..would be with a younger guy…nice hot body who is outgoing and not conceded. I figure that first date would be smooth and easy…going out for coffee and just getting to know each other first. Hence, this is a friends with benefits situation…with emphasis on FRIENDS…first! so if you are in a rush to jump in the sack, hit the back button now…well unless I just click with you and can’t keep my hands off of you, and then you are in trouble!!!! 🙂

    • LostSailor on said:

      and not conceded

      And this woman is supposedly completing a PhD? I didn’t know community colleges awarded advanced degrees…

      • Yeah, I caught that, too. So many demands, so little to offer. She’s a “strong and independent woman” seeking a strong alpha who won’t even consider pumping and dumping her. Unless he’s drunk and his friends don’t catch him. Remember the old line about fat girls and mopeds?

    • “from a 42 year old chubby PHD, one picture..Well I am a very strong willed, head strong, SCORPIO ”

      Barp! Thankyou for playing. A PhD who is into astrology? Identifies herself with signs of the Zodiac, then rips on DnD? At lest we know it’s fantasy!

      • “Identifies herself with signs of the Zodiac, then rips on DnD? At lest we know it’s fantasy”

        So she won’t date guys that sit around a table and play “make believe”.

        Fair enough.

        Does she realize that watching television is noting more than sitting around watching other people play “make believe”?

        [Rhetorical.]

    • pdwalker on said:

      Dear God!

  142. Robin Lee fuson on said:

    guess I won’t “bother’ to “apply” for this mess. Heaven help the guy who does.

  143. Eddie on said:

    RE: http://www.match.com/profile/showprofile.aspx?lid=18&uid=ZN6dOnJuL1IbFRcutAzghQ==&Handle=pksp1976&TP=MB&SB=1

    I know this profile on match.com is a fake. It was put together by a woman I met there, and is full of referrences she uses regularly. Also, the only time the profile is active is when my friend id available to be online. why do women do this? obviously, she went to a lot of trouble and all. I hope you will look atr this and respond…thanks…Eddie

  144. Dark Triad on said:

    Paging Ian Ironwood! Ian Ironwood! Ian Ironwood to the Vivisection department:

    http://www.okcupid.com/profile/talia_07

    • LostSalior on said:

      Wow. That’s a mouthful, and not in a good way.

      The money quote:

      I claim copyright of all material, written and graphic, in my profile.
      Unauthorized reproduction or distribution is prohibited without express written consent of the author.

      Delusion takes many forms…

    • dddunn3d on said:

      Pretentiousness oozes from every pore. Plus, we are not as smart as we think; by claiming copyright protection, she opens her profile to ‘fair-use’ doctrine.

      • LostSailor on said:

        I know my copyright. It would be hard to claim copyright protection on a (useless) copyright statement. Which is why I found it amusing…

    • Wow. Without makeup she looks like crap (3rd pic). She appears to be reasonably thin but certainly doesn’t posses the rockin body to attract the successful older man she desires. This is a woman who I’d like to see lose her job if Romney gets elected.

  145. PennyFarthing on said:

    Long time female lurker here. I recently changed my profile and the attention I receive now has exploded compared to a couple of years ago, even though I hit the 40+ demographic. Would you be willing to look at a comparison and tell me what is happening here, so I can keep doing things right?

    • LostSailor on said:

      Penny, you might want to post this on the “contact me” page instead. And, if you join the current fund-raising effort, you could get it “free.” And congrats on the new success. I trust you applied insights you garnered here to good effect…

  146. Pingback: Things That Women Describe Themselves As That Make Men Run A Mile...

  147. dddunn3d on said:

    Not really a profile issue, but:
    After a few messages exchanged, here’s the last one she sent…

    “It is my philosophy, that if a man will not travel to meet me on a first date, then would he even bother to go out of his way for me in other things.”

    Oh, just wow.

    My response: “I understand, because I feel that if a woman will not compromise, then how much of a harridan will she be?”

  148. Spacetraveller on said:

    @dddunn3d,

    I am not really sticking up for this woman, but I think I know what she is getting at, and I really don’t think she is ‘wrong’.
    I get your concern. She may well be an ‘entitled b*tch’, yes. But remember that a woman is not a man. She can’t and shouldn’t think like you.
    A first date whilst nerve-racking for both parties, can be particularly risky for a woman. You will never have the safety concerns that a woman carries with her everyday (thank God for that!) Not to say that this is correct thinking on a woman’s part. But it just is. You increase the safety concerns for her if it is she who has to leave her familiar surroundings to meet you. It might be hard for you to understand this, because you are a man. But as a woman, I can tell you that however much I am accustomed to big city living, at some level, I will always have these kind of safety concerns. I try very hard to see a man’s point of view but here is one instance where it is you who has to see it from the woman’s point of view.
    If she is worth meeting for a first date, go ahead and meet her. In her city. If she gives you the vibe that she is a chronically demanding type, do walk away. But please don’t dismiss her on the basis of this email alone. She is right to say what she did. A woman who doesn’t think like this is actually not worth having.
    Now, some women will think what she did, and just walk away from you without verbalising what she did. THIS woman told you what’s on her mind. That could mean she is 1. fitness testing you or 2. she really likes you and wants to meet you but is prepared to be straightforward with you about something she sees as ‘non-negotiable’ and risk losing you in the process. It is up to you which view you take, but if I were you, I would take the second view and watch for further character traits in her.
    Sorry for the unsollicited advice, but I felt compelled to offer you female insight into this. So many men get this wrong. I didn’t want this to be you…needlessly.

    As TPM always says, You’re welcome 🙂

    • LostSailor on said:

      Spacetraveller, I agree completely with Penny Farthing below, and with dddunn3d. We all get a woman’s genuine concern for safety and I think any of the men posting here would be more than willing to assuage any safety concerns. Which is why first dates usually happen in well-trafficked public places. A primary rule for men is to always leave a woman with an avenue of retreat.

      But I read her message the same way the others do: “if you won’t bend to my demands now, how can I expect you to bend to my demands later?”

      But you are right about one thing, it was most definitely a “fitness” test. And dddunn3d passed it with flying colors…

  149. PennyFarthing on said:

    I am a female, and I 100% disagree with you Spacetraveller. If the woman in question was referring to a safety issue, she could have simply addressed her comfort level. Instead she framed things in such a way that he was forced to *prove* himself to her, that he is the type who will go above and beyond for his future woman. Even if you are right – which I doubt – why would a grown man want to be with such a poor communicator? This is not a thread about 20-somethings, it is about women aged 35+. dddunn3d was right to run from that woman.

    • Spacetraveller on said:

      Well PennyFarthing and LostSailor,
      Thanks for your inputs. I do agree with both of you that her manner of communicating is perhaps not the best…it is not stated how old this woman is, but it seems like dddunn3d liked her enough to start communicating with her. He sounds like he has high standards, so that’s in this woman’s favour 🙂
      I think that poor communication might be a big issue with her, yes. But is that a reason to flee? There are worse sins…
      If however the feeling is that she is entitled, then yes, he did well to run.
      I just didn’t want him to dismiss a potentially good woman on a flimsy issue like a communication slip-up. Maybe she is the kind of woman who just needs some encouragement to open up about what’s really bothering her? So, ‘I am not sure about travelling to your home city’ becomes ‘If you won’t come to me I am not sure this would work out’. This poor woman is communicating with a man in the same way she might communicate with another woman (who like me might try to read between the lines).
      Big mistake! as dddunned may have already bailed by now.

      PennyFarthing, your latest example on the other hand…
      No man should even go there. It has pain, pain, pain written all over it…
      Which is why I feel bad for the first woman because her ‘sin’ is much milder but she might end up just as alone as Ms. 47 year old…simply because she is not being clear enough. Now as a woman, PF, you will know that all women want a man to ‘prove’ themselves to them. (This is necessary and biological so hopefully we are not bashing this woman for doing this kind of ‘fitness testing’). But there is a correct way and a very wrong way to do this. This woman may have picked the wrong way by her communication style. Unfortunate.

      • PennyFarthing on said:

        “Now as a woman, PF, you will know that all women want a man to ‘prove’ themselves to them. ”

        I don’t. I am 40 years old and divorced; my days of expecting a man to “prove” himself to me are long gone.

      • Spacetraveller, you’re kind of contradicting yourself here. You’re saying that dddunn3d should have given this woman a chance because, gee, maybe she’s just not skilled at communication. You’re also saying that “all women want a man to ‘prove’ themselves to them” which is exactly how I and dddunn3d interpreted her message. If a man has to go to such great lengths to “prove” himself before the first date, I guarantee he’ll be doing it forever.

        I agree with PennyFarthing: being middle-aged and divorced, I’m long past “proving” myself to a woman. If she can’t discern my worth and character without holding up hoops for me to jump through, I’m perfectly happy in my own skin and my single life and will simply move on. The loss is more likely hers.

      • Spacetraveller on said:

        PF and LS,
        Thanks for your comments. I can see that it is sometimes futile to ‘defend’ any profile here.
        But I honed in on not a profile issue, but a single message that dddunn3d put forward. For all I know he has found himself another woman, or he is happily single…
        My point is, sometimes it is prudent to study some more a person who might hold promise. No-one is perfect. This woman was already attractive enough to him that he messaged her a few times. That’s already one in a million looking at all the profiles here that no man should touch. There are much worse issues out there in the dating world.
        LS, I can quite believe that you would be happy single for the rest of your life, as a man. You may not necessarily want that, but you could live with that outcome. I believe that.
        PF, your divorce would have given you a life-lesson that most never-married women, even those older than you may not have experienced yet. I don’t know if the woman in question was married before/had children before. YOU may say you don’t need a man to prove himself to you. I find that hard to believe, if I may say so. You may be more realistic than most, but at the base of every woman’s heart is the need to know that the man she is with is strong, protective and can provide. That is a need. You may have decided that is no longer a number 1 priority anymore, but that doesn’t mean it is totally absent. That need is part of femininity itself. This is why we ALL fitness test. Yes even you would/will/do fitness test men. It’s part of who we are. There are those who exaggerate, sure, but the clever ones keep this sort of thing to a minimum.

        This woman in question may be a terrible choice. I don’t deny that possibility.
        But I think it is good to remind you men that every so often whilst you look at the imperfections of women, that some of these imperfections are milder compared to the more heinous ones. You ‘move on’ too quickly and you also, like most women fail to ‘see the good in a woman’ like TPM advises women to ‘see the good in a man’. I am just as Red Pill as PF. I know it is really bad for you guys out there. But sometimes, a good egg is right in front of you: will you see her? Or are you too busy focusing on the bad ones? Sure, if you are an established MGHOW you should do what you want. But dddunn3d does not sound like he is. This is why I replied to his comment. My argument in defence of this woman could be way out (afterall I have very little data on her to go by), but the premise of my point remains the same: if she is attractive enought to him, he shouldn’t dismiss her yet. Find out more before ‘moving on’. I am sure another 2 or 3 weeks to consider her more carefully wouldn’t kill dddunn3d!
        Sorry for another long post. Inasmuch as I would like to see women in general improve, it follows that I would also like men to profit from their own sensible choices…like waiting a while before throwing back anyone who shows a bit of promise.

      • experimental on said:

        LostSailor

        “If a man has to go to such great lengths to “prove” himself before the first date, I guarantee he’ll be doing it forever.” – I don’t agree. I have plenty of female friends who do testing in the beginning, but once the guy passes their tests, they don’t test them any more. Once a guy passes your tests, you really don’t have to test him any more.

        “The loss is more likely hers.” – not necessarily. The guy could be throwing away a great catch just because of one mistake she made. It could just simply be a mistake. Also, she could be a great catch in other ways, and he could end up missing out.

        I’m glad you are able to be single and happy being single. I am very happy being single. I love it…it is awesome. But if given the choice between being with a great man in a wonderful relationship and being single, I would choose to be with the great man in the wonderful relationship. I’d much rather be single than be in a horrible relationship with a man who isn’t a good man. But great men are truly worth putting up with a little bit for. If a man’s outlook on women could be the same, he’d likely find himself in a wonderful and rewarding relationship. He may have to put up with somethings, but he’d likely find it worth it.

  150. PennyFarthing on said:

    My contribution to this thread. Lists herself as 41, PhD, with a few extra pounds:

    THIS DESCRIBES ME
    I love living in the City but visiting the Country. I have 4 1/2 cats. Don’t forget to ask me about the 1/2.

    I love rock and 80’s new-wave music & B’way musicals. I’m a vegan who believes in animal rights. I like new foods & sometimes cooking. Even my meat eater friends love my cheesecake and cupcakes that I make for my parties which are necessary so my cats can regularly socialize.

    I like traveling & have friends in San Diego, so I’ve been there alot. La Jolla was great where I almost got to kiss the wild seals – till I saw the seal watchers suspiciously watching me.

    I like movies, especially horror, sci/fi, or drama. No girly love stories, but if you’re so woosy that you like them, I can suffer occasionally. If you’ll try horror, I’ll consider holding your hand. 😉

    I love the water and want to water-ski but have yet to figure how to stay standing. It’s weird since I snow ski well. Also I can’t get the breathing right to scuba-dive but really want to. Perhaps you can show me? If you’re not a good teacher I can always dunk you. 😉

    I’m outgoing, dress comfortably, and have a few businesses. I’m not religious but have strong morals.

    Although I’m vegan, I’m not overly into health food, life is short and if we get hit by a bus I wanna die knowing we had chocolate.

    CAN YOU PASS THE 3 PART TEST? CAN YOU AT LEAST PASS 2 OF THE PARTS?
    This is NOT a trick test question. Just answer as asked.

    Part 1 – You’re in a boat with your animal & a stranger. The boat is sinking. The animal & stranger are dying & you can only save 1 & the other will die. Who do you choose?
    Answer: the stranger-I don’t know how great a match we are as you killed your baby to save a stranger. P.S. Hope you don’t ever find yourself in a boat with me. – move on to Part 2 if you dare.
    Answer: your animal :)- move on to Part 2.

    Part 2 – You’re in a boat with your animal & a friend. The boat is sinking. The animal & friend are dying & you can only save 1 & the other will die. Who do you choose?
    Answer: the friend-I still don’t know how great a match we are as you killed your baby to save a friend-it’s not as bad as answering the human in part 1 since at least here you saved a friend, but hey it’s only a friend-so you should still hope you don’t ever find yourself in a boat with me – move on to Part 3 if you dare.
    Answer: your animal 🙂 – move on to Part 3.

    Part 3 – You’re in a boat with a strange animal & a friend. The boat is sinking. The animal & friend are dying and you can only save one & the other will die. Who do you choose?
    Answer: the friend-hmmm. Here you killed a strange animal for your friend-I’m not overly thrilled, but we should talk.
    Answer: the animal – 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 – We’re REALLY gonna get along. I hope.

    IF THIS DESCRIBES YOU, WRITE ME & I’LL REPLY. (If not please don’t waste time and instead keep fishing)
    NEVER MARRIED (this means NOT divorced) but want to get married & have several children;
    Between 38 and 55;
    NOT religious;
    Have a picture posted or send me one in your 1st email;
    Live a veggie/vegan lifestyle or open to it;
    Like/love animals & kids;
    NO smoking, tattoos, piercing, motorcycles or into dangerous activities;
    SMART, polite, and nice;
    No beard or moustache or willing to shave for me;
    Not into what everyone else thinks (but not a total nonconformist); and
    Live nearby.

    Happy vegan fishing-but hurry up LIFE IS TOO SHORT. If you know why I said too instead of two or to you get extra points – that’s for the smart ones.

    P.S. If you read this far, I’m 47.

    • LostSailor on said:

      Wow. That’s a classic. Values animals over humans, is completely demanding and overbearing, thinks she’s going to have kids at 47, and apparently is keeping a half-cat in her freezer.

      But my favorite part: P.S. If you read this far, I’m 47 and perpetually alone…

      • Probably a member/leader of the ALF (Animal Liberation Front). A man busting into a laboratory at a university releasing all the animals, and wearing black, gives her the gina tingle. Masturbates to Joaquin Phoenix’s voice.

    • A bell ringer from the “Eat, Pray, Cats” crowd, no doubt!

  151. From the Celtic Fringe on said:

    It’s on a French site, and of course in French, but I will try to render it, especially the dreadfull spelling

    47 years old, 4 at best (in fact I wondered whether she was a tranny), separated (which in France means she had a live in boyfriend but never married), looking for a man from 35 to 51

    At best I am looking for prince charming lol, butt well, I’d like most of all an instant tilt

    READ : please gimme gina tingle.

    Well, describbin me is not simple, and it is not my job to do it…I got personality and character and I like to understand things… I like frank and faithful people.

    READ : I am a goat, and a bitcy entitled goat at that, but you better jump through my hoop, even though I give you no reason to do so whatsoever.

  152. I have find it funny how a lot of single women are so critical of a lot of men lying about their income when within the last say 5 years or so more and more single women in their profiles completely obviously lie about their income like some ladies profiles I’ve come across state in their College education as: some college, profession: secretary, salary: 75 to 100k um yeah RIGHTTTTTTTT. If that would be the case they would obviously be doing “other” things with the “boss” lol. No secretary or the “Some College” especially in this economy would get that kind of salary or more likely they are too embarrassed to say they are looking for a job, can’t find a job in this economy. Even undergrad college graduates, grad degree grads are obviously having a hard time finding work, getting that kind of salary so it’s complete so obvious BS when a lady/ladies states that she has “some college” and expects men to believe that when she lists her salary as this exorbitant amount such as 75 to 100k as a secretary or a position that doesn’t require much of any education.

    • Unless she is working for the government.

    • With all due respect, while this certainly isn’t the norm (and I wouldn’t be surprised if many women were lying about this), I work at an employee placement firm, and it’s not all that rare for admin assistant positions to be paid in that ballpark. We’re talking about people with an incredible amount of experience working for some major firms, but . . . we do placements in that pay bracket. It’s not necessarily a lie.

    • experimental on said:

      I agree with t…legal secretaries make an AVERAGE of about $80,000. So that is in the 75K to 100K range. And my comment about men lying about their income…I met a man on a dating site, and I wouldn’t care if he had lied about his income. In fact, I kind of would have liked in some ways for him to have lied about his income…because I would’ve preferred for him to have said he made lower and have been weeding out the women who cared about such things. But at the same time, I would’ve liked for him to have been lying…because I would’ve thought it was sweet if he was insecure about his income and felt the need to lie to attract more women…and then see how different I was from the other ones. If he had confessed on a date one night that he had lied and made much less, it would’ve been very intimate for me. Plus, the main reason I would’ve been ok with him lying is because he is such a great person and has such great personality characteristics. And I don’t care at all for men who care about what women make. It’s like what? lol. I mean, to each his own, but I just feel it is emasculating for men to be concerned about such things. I’m ok with a guy asking me what I do because he cares about my interests, but it’s really weird if a guy gets all concerned about my income.

  153. A recent review from edatereview.com (he could be a poster on the Spearhead)
    :
    “What a cesspool. It’s more than apparent that the whole online dating forum is really just a video game for women. They seem to want you to “contact” them. And that’s it. Anything to keep twanging that dopamine receptor in their tiny brain to create the overall general feeling of “good mood” and false intimacy these drug and alcohol addled morons require just to get thru the day. I never actually joined this site–just spent some time flipping thru a bunch of profiles one night. with my wife while searching for a profile of a mutual acquaintance of ours.

    While so much has been made by media harpies of the modern male hiding away from his manly responsibilities of marriage and family with actual video games, these women really set the tone. And unlike this mythical shirking male that so much is screamed about, the women on these sites seem to have no trouble using the images of actual helpless children and infants to further their silly stupid aims. It’s beyond astounding.

    I don’t really know how stupid, out-of-touch and damaged a person has to be to post pictures of children up on the internet with an online dating profile. Psychologically I’m out of my depth here. Suffice to say that these females are really just sick all the way through. These women should be arrested–end of story. Highway. Hot sun. Chain gang. Garbage duty. One week. Try that for starters and see how it goes. Why don’t they just rename this site “my-slutty-aunt.com” or “always-an-aunt-never-a-mother-unless-of-course-a-single-mother.com”. Or you could just cut to the chase and go with, “plenty-of-female-sexual-predators.net”. It’s beyond sad and it reflects the total sewer this culture in America has degenerated into.

    Across the board the females here seem utterly childish, stupid, vacant, uneducated, trite, untrustworthy, uncompromising, insincere and unchaste to the nth degree. The bottom of the barrel. Not relationship material.

    The 20-something types are just total strumpets and since it takes no skill beyond a lack of impulse control to be a whore and satisfy the diseased bile running thru their dirty bodies, you really have to wonder why they would want or have to bother with something like online dating. They can get the free drinks and pounding they so desperately crave at any bar anywhere, anytime, any night of the week. But that’s where the game aspect comes in. You would think they would spend most of their online freetime uploading pics of their tattooed feet to some dopey social media platform or google-ing free clinics. But they can’t make fun of anyone doing that so they tend to their match.com mailbox.

    The penchant for online dating with these women has nothing to do with them being too “busy” to meet anyone. That’s bs and it doesn’t logically add up. The busy person is more inclined than anyone to meet someone. The busy person has duties and responsibilities. They have places they have to be. They have hobbies and interests. They have networks and connections. They are constantly having intercourse with the world. In any case, no one is “busy” on a friday or saturday night–prime drinking and slutting time for these girls.

    The older women are all born losers. Failures. Most are divorced so that should take them out of the running totally. And you honestly have to wonder about the ones who aren’t. Look: Women get married. It’s what they do (other than initiate divorces over trivial matters). So if you see some never married woman in her mid to upper 30’s and beyond with all her limbs and the rest of her body totally intact with any degree of attractiveness at all peddling herself on an online dating site, you really should be running in the other direction. The fact that she’s there should tell you all you need to know about the quality of this woman.

    Think of all the men she’s struck out with. All the failed “relationships”. All the sex she’s had. All the experience. All the times she’s turned her back. Withdrawn her support. Faded out. Her stupid life has been nothing but a conveyor belt of the sexual genitalia of strange men she didn’t and couldn’t possibly care about and who didn’t give a bleep about her. ICK!! A man in the same situation has a million legitimate excuses for being and staying single. Maybe he’s not been deemed “rich” enough by the collective sisterhood for them to bestow their womanly “charms” on him. Alas–the parasite can’t survive without its host. Maybe it’s taken awhile for him to develop his career and now he finds the pool of prospects severely lacking and out of all proportion to the degree of sacrifice, subjugation, compromise and risk a man takes on in a marriage. Maybe he really doesn’t want children and sees no reason to take that massive marriage risk solely for the stark uncertainties of a woman. Certainly some men by their character are also not good prospects. But for many men, when it comes to the reasons behind their bachelorhood, it’s a totally different ballgame. The nature of the evaluation process used by the two genders to vet potential partners differs totally.

    You can see how pathetic many of these older women are by the teenagerly way they present themselves in their profile. From their dress, to their lifestyles, to what they write–their profiles reflect a hybrid judy blume meets twilight and smashes into a harlequin novel counter-reality. These women are totally uncouple-able. They will never be successful at this area of their life. They have no character and no way to judge the content of anyone else’s character. They’re sick with experience. They have no idea how to treat a man. Nothing could be special to them. And they could never be special to anyone.

    Stay away. Look fellas–life isn’t just about who you can “get” or what you’ve had. In large measure, and more often than not, you will find your life positively impacted, dignified and defined by that which you chose to AVOID!! “

    • experimental on said:

      “So if you see some never married woman in her mid to upper 30′s and beyond…The fact that she’s there should tell you all you need to know about the quality of this woman.

      Think of all the men she’s struck out with. All the failed “relationships”. All the sex she’s had. All the experience…Her stupid life has been nothing but a conveyor belt of the sexual genitalia of strange men she didn’t and couldn’t possibly care about and who didn’t give a bleep about her. ICK!!”

      I can’t even begin to comment on all of the ways this is UNTRUE. I know plenty of women in their mid to upper 30’s who are awesome women, single, possibly never married, who simply haven’t met the right man or wasted too much time on the wrong ones. There is more, but I have to let this A-HOLE run his mouth a little more before expanding:

      “A man in the same situation has a million legitimate excuses for being and staying single. Maybe he’s not been deemed “rich” enough by the collective sisterhood for them to bestow their womanly “charms” on him…Maybe it’s taken awhile for him to develop his career”

      I guess this A-HOLE doesn’t think women have careers these days. So to further expand, there are many, many, many reasons a woman in her mid-to-upper 30’s may not have ever been married. There aren’t that many great guys out there. And it takes some of us a little longer to find them. Not only that, but SHE could’ve had other priorities. Ever think about that, A-HOLE???! Not every woman out there wants to just get married. A-HOLE, and did you ever think that maybe the reason that woman is NOT in the “divorced” column instead of the “never been married” column is because she was simply MORE CAREFUL about who she did and didn’t marry and didn’t want to end up in that “divorced” column, instead being ok with being in the “never been married column.”

      Let me revisit something written earlier:

      “All the sex she’s had. All the experience…Her stupid life has been nothing but a conveyor belt of the sexual genitalia of strange men she didn’t and couldn’t possibly care about and who didn’t give a bleep about her. ICK!!”

      Yeah, all the sex I’ve had…hmmmm….I was still a virgin when I graduated from college…BY CHOICE!!! Still a virgin at 23 BY CHOICE. I’m sure I have had MUCH FEWER sexual partners than this A-HOLE, unless he saved it for his wife, which is highly unlikely, considering the current sexual culture. Ok, moving on…

      “And they could never be special to anyone.”

      I’ve been special to someone before, and I will be again.

      “Stay away. Look fellas–life isn’t just about who you can “get” or what you’ve had. In large measure, and more often than not, you will find your life positively impacted, dignified and defined by that which you chose to AVOID!! “

      WOMEN…head this advice…AVOID all the A-HOLE men out there…for one, the ones who are like the one who wrote this review. I feel sorry for the wife that married this A-HOLE. I’m glad she snatched him up so he isn’t bothering me. One less to bother me. Let’s hope nothing ever happens to her so that he isn’t back on the dating scene bothering the women who would still be out there by that time.

  154. Robin Lee fuson on said:

    http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=40652814 “Vampire seeking Van Helsing”.. ????

    • You should know that I am a vain, sexy, beautiful, intelligent, successful, funny, entertaining woman who is completely independant. What that means is I DON’T NEED YOU but that I WANT YOU!!!…Please note, I require a lot of attention and I get bored easy. I need a man who will call and text often. A man who makes it known I am thought about often. I do not think that this is too much to ask considering what the man is getting in return.

      Yup. We know exactly what we’re getting in return: a chubby, past-the-wall unattractive, overly entitled, Twilight-loving attention whore.

  155. Robin Lee fuson on said:

    “Vampire”.. seems to be 39, chubby and not too attractive, but with eye catching pics .. busty in a corset… list her profession as ” human hunter”… don’t quite know what to make of her profile, except that I don’t want anything to do with it !!

  156. So I’ve found a lot of the comments here and on other threads helpful in assisting me to tweak my profile and I’d love any feedback offered. I’ve also attempted to put in the top ten list as suggested. Thoughts, gentlemen?

    I think life is about embracing who you are and savoring the experience. These days, my life is about connection- with others, with ideas, with my surroundings.

    I have great people in my life, a great career, a sense of purpose and satisfaction; and I’m looking for someone to share that with. I spend my time working, socializing, dreaming, cooking, reading and learning. I’ve travelled a lot in life and lived in different places, and I would love someone to travel with in the future.

    I speak a foreign language, cook a mean omelet, and live to be inspired. I’m a communicator. I’m usually a good friend. I’m pretty patient. Sometimes I become a bit philosophical. I try to live a conscious life and tread lightly. I’m fascinated by people and love in depth, one on one conversations, but I can revel in spending time alone.

    I’m looking to find a balanced, supportive partner who I can learn and grow with, and who will enrich my life as I hope to enrich theirs. I’m hoping all of this will start with a conversation.

    And lastly……..

    Top ten guarantees in a relationship with me:

    You will never, ever compete with me.

    You will never question my affection for you because I will express it, readily, each time I feel it, by touching you- just making physical contact to communicate that I am there, I see you, and I appreciate you.

    You will never see me roll my eyes at you, dismiss you, or criticize you when you say something I may not understand or agree with because I will respect you and your right to your own perspective.

    You will see my smile far more often than my frown.

    You will find yourself thinking seriously about my observations on life and current events.

    You will rarely, if ever, be expected to go shopping with me unless I’m purchasing something you have more knowledge of than me. There will be no tedious waiting around for me, fiddling with your phone while I try on my 10th pair of jeans.

    You will never be worried about my ability to respect and embrace the people in your life who are important to you.

    You will never have to defend your inclination to spend time with your friends or concentrating on your own projects, hobbies, goals or work.

    You will never be expected to impress me with expensive gifts; If you’d like to give me the gift of scraping the ice off my windshield, however, you will prove my second point true.

    You will never question whether or not I am concerned about you and your happiness because it will be apparent that I am motivated to improve your experiences rather than ignore them.

    • Robin Lee fuson on said:

      To Boux : I like your top 10, it is reassuring to see a woman who doesn’t come across as self- obsessed for a change. Mostly it says that your Man won’t be taken for granted… which is way up there on my priority list, as a mature man. I only came up with 4 so far for my POF profile…”A few reasons why I would be a good Gentleman Friend for you…
      1) you wouldn’t have to pester me to listen to you..I have practiced for decades being a safe listener and not trying to “fix” the person.
      2) you wouldn’t need to worry about me around other Women..I thrive in a Fellowship teeming with needy Women, and have learned to discipline myself around them.. for my own sake.
      3) you wouldn’t find yourself taken for granted.. I thank GOD every day for ALL the Blessings in my life, especially You !!
      4) you needn’t worry about talking about feelings with me.. I have had to be in touch with all aspects of myself, to survive reality.
      I will think of a bunch more after I log off this page.. never fails. Humility has the best of me right now… but you get the drift….” is what it reads… the “Fellowship” I speak of is AA.

      • experimental on said:

        Robin Lee Fuson,

        I like your 1, 2, & 3. 4 is a nice plus. Do you have AA in your profile? You sound like a nice guy in this comment. I’m sure you won’t have any problems with a profile like that.

        Here’s a note: I like the “you would” as opposed to the “you will” thing. Maybe it’s a guy vs. a girl thing, and maybe guys like, “You will” better, but I find “you would” to be more polite. It seems to me that “you will” is assuming the person definitely wants to be with you, and that simply may not be the case. I like “you would”, because it allows for if the person just happens to not be interested…it’s telling the reader what they COULD have, without it feeling like it is being forced upon them. Sorry, that’s just my opinion.

    • pdwalker on said:

      Boux,

      I think I want to have your babies. 😉

      It’s a profile that doesn’t scream psycho. Expect guys to not believe it until you actually prove it.

      (She’s a quiet one guys, you know what they can be like)

  157. Randy Higgins on said:

    NMH: Geez man, so who’s left after you rule out divorced women or those who’ve never been married by a certain age?

    Online dating is all about fun in the sun. While there are exceptions, I wouldn’t date the vast majority due to all manner of reasons. No need to detail them as I’m sure you fellas have come across them in spades. I have my own horror/scary/funny/run back to the car moments that I’m sure you can relate to. Generally speaking, it’s not a place for well educated/employed folks to find long-term potential. Most are lower class women with fairy tale expectations that you have no interest in meeting.

    For shits and giggles, I’ll tell you one that didn’t go so well (the ones that did, well that’s boring isn’t it – met / chatted-drinks / sex / the end).
    I met a girl, had drinks, seemed to go well, I drove back to her place, she continued boozing up and just became a 110% overly sarcastic man-hating machine. I couldn’t get a word in edge wise and when she went for a bathroom break, I tiptoed to the door from the couch, gabbed my shoes and high tailed it out of there. Let’s just say I was terrified of her – aggression personified. Usually I’d excuse myself (early meeting, or bad gas) but something told me that wasn’t going to fly well.

    I have had a good time with the occasional lady, but aside from that, it’s like pulling teeth trying to even set up a meeting/date, due to the sheer competition that seems to be at an all time high. It’s definitely not as easy as it once was, and quality-wise, well…it’s gone south.

    Kiss: Keep it simple stupid. Get your rocks off if you must, but don’t invest too much time needlessly searching for the holy pussy 😉

    • experimental on said:

      Randy Higgins, I don’t agree with your assertion that online dating isn’t for finding a meaningful relationship. I agree that you have to keep it light and not expect too much, but I still think it’s possible to find something meaningful on there. I also don’t agree that the ones that went well there are all boring. My best most exciting one was definitely not boring. And I would say that NONE of them went “bad” or “horrible”.

  158. Morely's Passing on said:

    Boux, you sound fixated on right versus wrong and very much desperate. Calm down and just be yourself. Your top 10 ‘guarantees’ are rather disturbing, as by the way, there are no guarantees. Are you trying to sell the ladies a dishwasher while you’re at it?

    It’s not only childish if that’s what you have on your profile but you clearly don’t come across as someone in touch with reality, or you’re very young/immature. Your story reads like a mess of cliche hackneyed expressions. You’ve attempted to cover any and all thoughts or reservations a woman may have, which is fine in person, over time, yet not in one fell swoop.

    You’ve painted yourself into a corner with the “You will…” blurbs and any woman worth dating is going to read your profile and run for the hills. It’s just not normal and borderline neurotic.

  159. MealyMan on said:

    Here’s a great one…rants on the OKC forums all the time, usually attacking me.

    I’m pretty dorky and silly and like to do all the usual Austin fun stuff. I keep rewriting this section, looking for the perfect balance of being entertaining and informative that will impress you by standing out in this sea of sameness that is okc profiles.

    The bar graph under “personality” is eerily accurate. Well maybe not the worse mannered part, I have good manners most of the time, I swear!

    What I’m doing with my life
    Earning a paycheck. Painting with acrylics, really pretty random subject matter and sporadically.

    Being mysterioso… ^_^

    I’m really good at
    Silly, sassy, smartassery. Whipping up awesome food. Finding free/cheap fun stuff to do around town. Wiping the floor with you in air hockey, you’ll be embarrassed, but don’t worry, you can enact revenge by killing me at pool or bowling or darts.
    The first things people usually notice about me
    is that I’m driving with the windows down, blasting music and singing along, sometimes badly.

    the silly smirk on my face when I’m bustin’ yer chops.

    Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
    Movies vary, depends on when you ask. Documentaries, movies that make ya think, or laugh. Most recently I saw Beasts of the Southern Wilds, it was really good, and poignant also saw Ted, it was pretty funny. Frequently have Netflix marathons with my dad where we watch all manner of odd, and ridiculous “B” movies.

    My dvr is filled with a pretty random sampling of stuff from Dexter, to Walking Dead, to Always Sunny and Louis CK.

    I love reading and my taste is quite varied. Reading for me is fun and relaxing as well as educational. I’ll read almost anything, and enjoy poetry, fiction and nonfiction as well as books dealing with mental health/and social work type stuff.

    I enjoy all kinds of music and dancing. And live shows. I take the week off for SXSW, to see all the new bands. I enjoy a little something from every genre and am always open to listen to new music. Most recently, I’ve seen Girl in a Coma, Agent Ribbons, Shonen Knife, Shannon & the Clams, the Eric Tessmer Band, Redd Volkart and the Peligrosa All Star Crew (that’s in the last month or so). Really, I’m down to see almost any show as long as I can shake my moneymaker. ; )

    As for food, I’m a sucker for a good meal, and trying new and interesting things. Love sushi, pho, mexican, and will try just about anything. I am also a pretty good cook.
    The six things I could never do without
    *An interesting dive for food or beer; food trailers, diners, hole in the wall bars. I ❤ the little, beatdown family owned gems.

    *Adjectives and adverbs. Sometimes I adjective-ize nouns, and make nouns verbs. I like playing with language and making it my own. This is why I enjoy Demitri Martin. Bonus points if you do too.

    *Outdoor activities. I enjoy playing outside, riding bikes, hiking, sitting at an outdoor concert, just soaking up some fresh air.

    *The "mom" look. You know, that withering look that is silent, but filled with meaning and communicates without words.

    *Frivolous flirtations. No explanation needed here. ; )

    *Cool office supplies. Seriously, I always have a sweet pen.
    I spend a lot of time thinking about
    Wondering if they're ever going to make more episodes of the Mighty Boosh. I need more Vince Noir in my life.

    Where to get my next boogie fix. I enjoy dancing and do it as often as possible, salsa, merengue, very basic bachata, as well as dubstep, hip hop, pretty much any show, and all kinds of music. I would love to learn 2-step.
    On a typical Friday night I am
    Anything from dancing, to a movie, to hanging out at the coffeeshop. I'm up for most anything, even on a school night!

    Pointing and shouting "Put a bird on it!"

    The most private thing I’m willing to admit
    I dig that show "Food Party" (I'm pretty sure even though it's a puppet show, it's not for kids, and it's not really about food).

    I'm spunky, I like my oatmeal lumpy…
    You should message me if
    Your idea of a good time includes people watching on a patio with a good beer.

    You wanna share a kayak with me.

    You know of a good show we should check out.

    If you're looking for a salsa partner. I'm an amateur but LOVE, love, LOVE dancing! I don't have real formal training but I've been told I'm a good follow, and I get all weak in the knees for a strong lead! 😉

    This one appears to be just full of BPD.

  160. MealyMan on said:

    Sorry, forgot the details 36yo and 5/10 adjusted for age. One of those “crazy, independent, non-conformist” types.

    • experimental on said:

      wow, MealyMan, that’s an incredible range…5 – 10 adjusted for age? 36 must be really old to you. Or you find youngsters much younger than 36 extremely hot, but think no one 36 or above is hot at all?

  161. Frequently seen taglines, and the replies I would send if I could be bothered.

    “I’m looking for someone honest”
    – You’ve come to the right place

    “I’m looking for love” (from a size 24)
    – Where have you been looking? The cookie aisle?

  162. Interacted with this one a bit when I was single and looking on OkCupid. Not the worst, but comes across as pretentious, and expecting the perfect bearded eco-indie rocker artist hipster outdoorsman that matches her unique, special personality and lifestyle exactly.

    http://www.okcupid.com/profile/TheseAreCheesy

    My self-summary
    I’m an extroverted introvert. Most of the time I have a light-hearted demeanor, but I also have a strong intellectual side. Effortlessly shooting the breeze with with friends is one of my favorite past times. I get a lot of energy from being in a group of similarly minded people. To me, some (certainly not all) great conversation topics would be about traveling experiences, how to stay healthy, great thrift store finds, plans to follow through on your goals, how to help others, how to protect the earth, or simply partaking in a good ol’ fashioned tomfoolery fest. Topics that would bore me are sports, what kind of truck your neighbor is getting, what I may have missed from the evening news, your happenin’ day at the mall, how it’s somebody else’s fault for your problems, what country song you like or what clubs you frequent.

    I do best with people who are capable of sharing themselves on an emotional level. EVERYBODY has their insecurities and flaws and I don’t think that it’s attractive to be afraid of them. It does not matter to me what they are; what matters is that you acknowledge them and are trying to work on them. If you accept them, I’ll accept them. I’d hope you have the same view for me.

    It would be great if you have some (not all) of these characteristics or views:
    – You value urban culture. It really doesn’t matter where you live, but the suburban way of life scares me. I’m not interested in having a big home and fancy car to keep up with the Joneses.
    – You are creative. I myself, cannot claim to be artistic, but I do think of things in a creative manner. Creativity is beautiful.
    – You like the outdoors. Camping and hiking in beautiful wilderness is good for the soul.
    – You are not devoutly religious or atheistic. I do not like organized religion, but I do like the idea of putting faith or practice into a power greater than our own thoughts. I would consider myself spiritual, but not religious.
    – You have or are willing to grow out a big, beautiful beard that I can dig my fingers into.
    – You can shake your head and laugh at me when I’m being a dork.
    – You don’t have problems with drugs or alcohol and you are done with your party days.
    – You can be a buffoon one minute and a deep thinker the next.
    – You love humanity and want to see the best for people.
    – You have a mind of your own and do not like to follow the herd.
    – You don’t try to be funny; you ARE funny.

    Ultimately, if you are silly and you can make me laugh while we’re strolling along in our crazy adventure that’s all that really matters.
    What I’m doing with my life
    I am a mental health therapist by profession, but I place more of an emphasis on my life experiences than my career.
    I’m really good at
    Being goofy, telling stories, helping others, loving, finding adventure, and learning.
    The first things people usually notice about me
    How well my easy-going, free-spirited, kind-hearted personality gels perfectly with my charm and beauty. 🙂
    The six things I could never do without
    1)My backpack- it has been with me during the greatest times in my life.
    b) My friends- They are all intelligent, funny, well-traveled, sensitive, liberal and unique people! I am so lucky to have them.
    3)My nephew- He will one day rule the world if I have anything to say about it.
    4) My bike- I stay fit while helping the earth. It’s also a great way to travel.
    5) Farmer’s markets- I love supporting local farms.
    6) Summers in Minneapolis- I’ve done a lot of traveling and have yet to find a place as special. However, in January and February I HAVE TO get out of here.
    I spend a lot of time thinking about
    Traveling and personal growth.
    On a typical Friday night I am
    Typical? There is no such thing in my world.
    The most private thing I’m willing to admit
    I have a major crush on Bob Ross.

  163. “I am a mental health therapist by profession”
    Second only to lawyers when it comes to women to avoid.

  164. Anonymous on said:

    Here’s a little gem from POF:

    Headine: please dont bore me 😦

    About Me: not really expecting much or looking for anything serious so i guess we will see what comes i dont like people over weight so please be in nice shape, no offense just my pref anyways hit me up if you want

    Interests: gym tan shop

    Hear that, fellas? Don’t bore her. It’d be a shame for such an interesting individual to have to deal with guys who can’t match her incredible brilliance.

  165. R. Green on said:

    I came here looking for advice on how to write a good dating profile. While I’ve enjoyed many of the comments on this blog, I’m also a little disappointed and apprehensive now. How does a lady write an appealing profile if she is a woman over 35, not slender, and a little average? However, I see lots of average, middle-aged, fat women walking around with men, so I assume that they are in a relationship.
    While all the shredding of certain profiles was really amusing at first, after around ten of them I remembered that anything that anyone says can be taken out of context and satirized. After all the negative comments about women’s size and fitness that I am running across in the mainstream blogs and comments, I plan to post on BBW sites, or at least post that I’m BBW on my profile (Do I go to a gym? Yes, three days a week. I also am careful about what I eat, but it doesn’t make any difference in my size- not all fat women are lazy, fyi). I don’t mind that the guys that post comments on this blog wouldn’t date a fat chick, but there are guys out there that do.
    My question is: how can I distinguish my profile, since pretty much everything that a woman can say about herself has generated criticism on this blog? It is really nice when you gentlemen are discussing what shouldn’t be said in a profile and also include a sample of what would be better; helps one figure out what not to say.
    Things that are NOT important to me about men: height, education level, money, status, hair (or lack of it). Things that ARE important to me in a man: attractiveness (it’s more about personality and chemistry than body type), mutual respect, interest in satisfying sex, not having STDs. Not a long list, really. I have no interest in marriage, already have kids from a prior marriage and don’t want more, and am satisfied with my personal life…except for the lack of sex and male companionship. I’m not vicious, vindictive, or needy, and I’m only a bitch for 3 days a month. It would be nice to find an STD-free guy who wants to have regular sex and go out sometimes. I’d rather not have an affair with a married man (too messy) and I don’t want to jump from guy to guy (STDs, you know?). How do I write a profile that will attract the kind of guy I am looking for? Thanks in advance.

    • Email sent. This comment intrigues me.

    • R., you mention STDs 3 times in your last paragraph. Unless you’ve actually encountered a man with STDs, it’s unlikely that you will. According to the CDC, the vast majority of STD cases are in the under 30 age group and rates fall off drastically after 35. So just using decent judgment and looking for other indicators of good character in a man should be sufficient to avoid problems. If in doubt, always use a condom.

      Good luck. Just the fact that you’re reading here is good sign. As TPM has probably already indicated to you, if you concentrate on what you offer to a man that he wants and appreciates, other factors will have less impact.

      • experimental on said:

        There is plenty of reason for a woman to be concerned about STD’s. I set my best friend up with a male friend of mine. They dated for 10 months with no sex, and she wondered why. After 10 months of no sex, he finally confessed to her that he had an STD…and that is why they had not had sex, because he had come to care deeply about her, and it wasn’t just about sex, and he didn’t want to pass what he had to her. She now has the STD, because she went ahead and slept with him. Another friend of mine also has an STD. STD’s really concern me, because men are extremely uncareful about them, and will sleep with a woman who has them, or one of them, without really being careful or caring. I will not EVER become involved with a man who has slept with either of these female friends of mine. I’m not trying to be mean or catty, but I don’t want to become infected with anything if I can help it, and I will be VERY careful to make sure that doesn’t happen. And I don’t necessarily men sex when I say I won’t become involved…I mean, I won’t even date the guy or really go out with him. Because I know that sometimes you can go out with someone and not intend to have sex, but sometimes things happen. So I won’t even put myself at risk in that way.

    • experimental on said:

      R. Green, if you’re a female trying to write a profile from this site, you’re screwed. If you don’t demand enough/don’t have enough qualifications or standards, you’re desperate. On the other hand, if you ask for anything in the way of standards, you’re a “b”, you have this “entitlement” thing that I don’t understand, or you’re shallow. If you care anything AT ALL about the guy even having a JOB, you’re a gold digger. If you value traditional relationships where the guy pays for the date, you’re a gold digger. If you’re upset about a guy lying about his income, you’re a gold digger. Basically, you’re a gold digger if you value money at all. On top of all of this, you better be hot. If you are, you’re allowed to be “a little” demanding and “a little bit” of a “b”. But you’ll still be criticized and your profile will be torn apart.

  166. Anonymous on said:

    To the above commenter:

    “I don’t mind that the guys that post comments on this blog wouldn’t date a fat chick, but there are guys out there that do.”

    With this attitude you are well ahead of most fat chicks, who typically include some bitter, repulsive statement about how men are bigots for dismissing women with “curves.” So it looks like you’ll manage to avoid that pitfall, but there are a couple others you should be aware of:

    1. DO NOT make yourself into a human optical illusion to hide your overweightness (i.e. only showing yourself shoulders and up, using funny angles, extreme closeups, old pictures from many lbs ago, etc.). May seem tempting in the short run because you will get more messages that way, but it will impede you from getting what you actually want, which is a boyfriend who is okay with you being heavy. Drives me nuts when women do this… as if the guy won’t eventually find out what you really look like? Incredibly short-sighted.

    2. Don’t be generic. You’re going to have to attract a guy with your personality. Tip: With every sentence you write in your profile, ask yourself the following questions: Is this unique to me/my personality? Is this funny and/or interesting? If either of those is a no, then get rid of that sentence. This should help you avoid the pointless, mind-numbingly dull garbage men read over and over, such as “I love to go out and have a good time,” “My family and friends are very important to me,” “I am looking for a good guy” etc.

    Hope that helps.

  167. BrianJ on said:

    The here are 7 awful dating profiles written by women found on LAVALIFE who happen to live in the Toronto area. These profiles were written a few years ago. Best_Single, Travel38, and Kimera are still on Lava, and their profiles haven’t changed at all. Ridicule & read at your own risk.

    Profile name: Best_Single
    Tag line : “I’m single not desperate”
    In my own words:

    Looking to meet a great guy that is looking to start off as freinds and see where it leads to. I strongly believe that it is important to learn about one another before starting anything serious.

    I am fully independent, very attractive, smart, passionate, sexy, fun, fit, educated, genuine and have a lot of grace and sensuality. I am as comfortable in a pair of jeans as I am in a business suit or a dress. I model part time and work full time in an office. I do have a lot to offer the right man. I love my family and put them first….I also have 2 very good freinds that I would drop everything to help them if they needed me.

    I was born, educated and raised in Montreal, and my parents are european. I am fluent in French and English, and speak a little italian and german. I tend to be attracted to tall european looking men. I do travel to Montreal sometimes to visit my family.

    I have dated men on and off this year, but I am back on the single scene cause they weren’t what I am looking for.

    How would I define “great guy”: Well, if any of you watch Sex In the City, the character Aiden Shaw played by John Corbett would be what I consider a great guy. It is up to you to figure out why…sort of like a case study assignment that I am giving you!

    Looking for a man that is give or take up to 5 years older than me (not 10, not 20 not 30, but 5) who also has a lot to offer me in return.

    Preference will be given to tall good looking confident men who are not greater than 42 years of age….sorry guys, chemistry has to be there for me too.

    If that sounds like you, please drop me a line.

    Ciao for now 🙂

    Annual income: +$75,000
    Age: 38

    Profile name:TRAVEL38
    In my own words:
    I DO NOT EXCEPT INSTANT MESSAGES ALL IM WILL BE DELETED AND NOT READ. Beautiful, articulate, cultured lady who enjoys the company of an artistic gentleman who gives her compliments. I’m ONLY INTERESTED IN MEN between the AGE OF 30 -40. IF I DID NOT CONTACT YOU FIRST AND YOU ARE OLDER THAN 40 yrs WE ARE NOT MATCH AND YOU WILL GET A NO REPLY. I DO NOT DATE MEN WHO HAVE CHILDREN INCLUDES ADULT CHILDREN. I seek MEN that are ARTISTIC and have a deep interest in MEDITATION, MINDFULNESS and ASTROLOGY. YOU MUST BE 6′ 2′ OR TALLER YOU WILL NOT GET A REPLY. My family is British, and I like men who have refine manners similar to Colin Firth or Ralph Fiennes a good first impression will be appreciate on your first email. My interest are ART Renoir, Monet, Van Gogh, travel MUSIC Mariah Carey, Lady Gaga, Dave Bowie, Bach, Eagles, and Frank Sinatra. I enjoy travels to Hawaii, Virgin Islands, Stockholm, Panama, St. Bart’s, and Stockholm. The Ritz-Carlton is one of hotel I enjoy very clean been to Virgin Island, Cancun and Montreal. Authors Razor Edge by Somerset Maugham, literature, The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh, The Economist, biographies on business man. The ocean sea and lake are places I enjoy spending time and working out at my health club. I enjoy beautiful things surrounding me, so please no unpleasant men. I tend to be more on the serious side of life, seeking a man with the same temperament as my self. I’m a romantic at heart roses, cards, music, films, sunset, subtle nuances between a couple, To look into your eyes and touch your face and know you are the one is chemistry. Seeking a cerebral, cultured man who would appreciate sharing his life with me to the end of time. My life is full and I am happy. But having that special, truly compatible someone will complete the circle. A wonderful match is hard to describe – it’s a gift and you know it when it happens.

    Profile name: KIMERA
    Tag line: “TESLA is hot…love eccentrics who are mad, if it comes with genius”
    In my own words:

    I am hoping to create a synergistic relationship with a man who thinks outside the box. I live a bohemian life style, I’m a vegetarian and a designer, into eastern philosphy and mysticism, and I am looking for a man who is living a similar life style and has similar interests or is moving in that direction. It would be great if you had a career in the arts, film/television, or media industries, something where you express yourself and passions, and want to make a difference, rather than a “job”. I tend to dress in a funky style and would also like a man who expresses his free spirit through his clothes and surroundings. My ethnic background is Italian with an olive complexion and green eyes. I am in great shape and am often told I look about 5 years younger, the pay off for having the olive complexion and being a vegetarian, so I tend to date younger men for that and other reasons. If you are a man in my age bracket or older, who is told he looks and dresses younger, that is perfect. Brad Pitt, Bono and Sting come to mind.
    Funny men are definitely a turn on, I like dark humour and British comedy and music, especailly from the 80’s. You should also be politically progressive, leaning towards the “left”.
    I definitely have an attraction for resourceful men, so please have your own house or condo, as I do, and your car, not a must, but, preferably a Pryus or Zenn, to keep with the green theme. Please, no men who live with their parents or in a frat house.

    I have lived in Italy, (did some runway modelling there), England and the States before and would be O.K. with re-locating. My preference is somewhere warm like California (I have lived around LA for a couple years). So if you are from California or want to relocate there, I would love to hear from you. If you are comfortable enough to send a phone number with your message, as well as why you think we may be compatible, that would be best. Never on here long enough to chat.
    Age: 41
    (income) prefer not to say

    In my own words:
    I’m active, funloving and very down-to-earth!
    I love the outdoors; cottaging in the summer and skiing in the winter. I’m more comfortable rock climbing than boiling an egg…but I love to eat – thank goodness for take out…can you cook?
    I have a dog, a small business, great family and friends and alway have cold beer in the fridge.
    I like easy-going guys who don’t take themselves too seriously, are open-mined and non-judgemental. My type would be an ‘Eddie Bauer’ guy with similar likes/dislikes, who’s passionate whether he’s opening a can of beans or embarking on a new adventure. Trying new things and streatching outside of ones comfort zone are important to me…ignore all of the above, if you can cook!
    “Fingers-crossed”
    Age: 39
    Annual income: $75,000+

    Profile name: Words
    In my own words:
    I’m a sincere, philosophically minded individual with an ever present sense of humour and an adventurous nature. I have been described as: kind, attractive, insightful, open, honest, loving, intellectual, silly, unique. My musical tastes range anywhere from punk to opera. I keep fit by doing yoga and pilates. I’m involved in film, photography and philanthropy (all the ‘f’ sounds). These projects help to counter balance the work I do in a corporate environment. I like reading, cooking (sometimes), cleaning (kidding), movies (naturally), and much of the obvious stuff – dining out etc.. and then sometimes I just like to stay home and witness the ever unfolding drama that is my kitty cat. I absolutely love to travel. I have had an abundance of life experience….never a dull moment it seems and there is so much more to experience and to learn. Ultimately, I would like to do that with a trusted companion and life partner who has a true desire for adventure in life.
    I am looking for a genuine, warm individual…a thinking person with a great sense of humour and the ability to experience true intimacy….someone who perhaps sees the world around him in a unique light. He can laugh at himself and at me…but more at himself ;p Someone who realizes that the neo conservatives are completely out of control and is willing to listen to me rant about it occasionally. I’m looking for someone with an authentic sense of romance….not contrived…someone who wants to get beneath the surface…
    Note: If you in any way support Bush or gain a sense of self-importance from the kind of car you drive…..it’s probably best that we remain strangers.
    Note II: If you are a ‘metro-sexual’…..pleas e email me and explain what that means…
    Note III: No IM
    And now for the ‘Needless to Say but Surprisingly Relevant’ section: No married, attached or otherwise unavailable, angry, cold, sexist, racist, incredibly dull or generally unpleasant men please. Thanks. ;p
    AGE: 41
    Annual income: Prefer not to say

    Profile name: HAPPY2SMILE
    In my own words:
    A little about me!
    I am easy going, independent, caring, confident, affectionate, down to earth, and generally happy creature. I enjoy doing outdoor acitvities, but camping is not for me. I was born and raised in a small town in Northern Ontario and that says a lot about who I am. Pretentious I am not. I can dress up and be classy or throw on a pair of jeans to hang out at a cottage and never complain about the bugs. I love being on the water and playing on my seadoo.

    I am pretty independent. I own my own home and I know how to fix it. I go to the gym to be healthy but it’s not my life. My family is important to me as I come from a large one. I have a huge heart that I wear on my sleeve and it needs to be handled with care.

    I think I am pretty well rounded but you can decide for yourself! 🙂

    About you!
    You are a gentleman, kind and caring, honest and confident but not arrogant. Someone who is honest with me and with themself. You must be healthy and somewhat active. You have a great job that you enjoy, but it’s not your life. You may or may not have children, but you are open to starting a new family. You are willing to try new things, make new memories and want someone to compliment your life. You are at least 5’10”

    If you have got this far in my profile – thank you. I am a very honest person and want to be up front. Although my first choice is to have a family with the man I fall in love with someday, I am independent and determined enough to have a plan “b”. I have an application for an adoption because I want to make sure that I don’t miss out on an opportunity to be a mom. I don’t know how long the process will take – months or years. If you are not comfortable with my plan “b”, please move on. I only have one chance at this life.

    Best of luck in your search!

    P.S. and to save you young men in your 20’s your time I am flattered, but not interested!

    Age: 38,
    Annual income: $50,000-$75,000

    In my own words:
    Sparkling Wine surprises and delights me as does a vivid imagination and someone who is unfettered with ancillary thoughts that derive from the lower infernos and provide no pleasure to the senses. Yet we all love to pay heed to syntax.
    I am perhaps more of an apollonian (straight laced) businesswoman well versed in her craft, I utter only lovely things from my lovely platinum tongue, unless tortured by an unsuitable suitor.
    So I look forward to your heraldic response so that I may repose all afternoon and think of thy lovely words!

    Age: 36.
    Annual income: $50,000-75,000

  168. dddunn3d on said:

    My self-summary (justforme_tampa from OKC)
    I am a very straight forward, honest and tell it like it is kind of girl. I work very hard and play harder (because no one else says this). I know who I am and I know what I want…I PREFER YOUNGER men. So, if you are not at least 10yrs younger than me or more…sorry, please move on.
    Update – In regards to the above paragraph…please do not send me, hate mail, or make stupid comments. This is MY profile, which contains information about ME, and MY preferences.
    If you do not agree with, or like what I have written in my profile, just move on…that is the beauty of a dating site. The stupid shit that I have received on here from older men solidifies the fact that I prefer younger men.

    She has her preferences like everyone, but I’m wondering how much her tune’s going to change as she nears the SMV cliff.

  169. I love this thread (which I frequently view). Trying to figure out why women write such awful profiles and why they seem so deluded (when not being unpleasant) and it occured to me that what they are doing is what they do in off-line life, namely reject for the slightest reason. When you are getting lots of offers as it seems they do, then life is too short to carefully consider every person and make allowances for perceived faults. As they do not yet know who will contact them, the list of absurd demands is a form of a priori rejection.

    I may have missed it but (although so many stress that casual sex is not on the menu) I have yet to see one which even suggests that her goal is marriage. Perhaps that would make her seem desparate, but what I as a man would want would be that plus a nice face and figure and no baggage. Anything else is surely just pump and dump material.

    • How old are you Opus? This thread is about dating profiles of women aged 40+. For a woman of that age to put she is seeking marriage in a profile, she would be very unrealistic. Most single men over 40 are either divorced and don’t want to marry again, or have remained single by choice. I would like to hear men in their 40s and 50s chime in, but I suspect that saying I am looking for a husband would be the kiss of death.

      • What has my age or lack of it got to do with things (thanks for the shaming)? At least if the women were upfront about what they really really want it would save a lot of time, but so many go out of their way to say that casual sex is not on the agenda, so one must suppose that they are looking for marriage, but having a list of demands that no one can possibly meet merely ensures that serious guys won’t approach and only the players will try it on. If women are on dating sites it has to be either for sex or for commitment. To suppose that males over forty are not interested in marriage would I think be mistaken. I would suspect that there are as a percentage of the population as many as there are females over forty seeking marriage. PennyF, you do not need necessarily to use the word marriage, but avoiding expressions like ‘looking for fun, love to party, devoted to my family, my child comes first’ – all that sort of thing is off-putting. Something along the lines of, ‘looking for a genuine person, or looking for a sincere guy,’ would be useful. Of course the proof of the pudding is in the eating and no one is ever like their profile, so the first thing is not top put off your target market – or provide hours of fun for people like myself, or Private Man and his readers.

    • experimental on said:

      I agree…even mentioning the word “marriage” is a kiss of death. You have to get to know a person before you even bring that word up, AT ALL. Men flee from that word.

  170. It’s amazing the amount of crap that embittered and insecure men can read into a woman’s dating profile.

    Makes me wonder how on earth any woman COULD write a decent profile that wouldn’t mark her as AN EVIL MAN HATING ABUSER WAITING TO POUNCE AND DESTROY YOU.

    How on earth do some of you get any dates with women, at all?

    Who do you date?

    If all femalekind is TEH EVOLLL, how do you ever even expect to find a relationship?

    It doesn’t really make sense to be here crying “Wah, women don’t love me and respect me.” Seems like a lot of you really, really, really, really want a woman’s love and respect. The fact that women don’t love you and respect you is filling you with bitterness and vitriol. Since all women are awful people who are out to use and abuse, why does it matter what they do, or what they think? Why on earth are you out there trying to date them?

    Jeebus Chreeeiiiiiiisssssssttt. I think the advice and comments in this post are a great little instruction manual on how to weed out the self-hating, bitter, insecure types of men. I would never date most of you in a million years. No healthy person is going to want to deal with this much self-loathing shit. Thanks for the guidance, now I can write a solid profile to weed you all out so you wont clog my inbox with your garbage.

    The danger of this self-loathing and bitterness is that you’re only going to end up attracting self-loathing, bitter women. Healthy women like me aren’t going to want to deal with a man who’s constantly waiting for the moment I’ll turn on him and hurt him and take him for all he’s got. Healthy women like me are looking for men who are happy with who they are, secure in themselves, and pretty positive and trusting towards other people. Like tends to attract like – which is good for me, but really bad for many of you. I can see that many guys posting here in this forum are mainly getting left with scraps due to their low self-worth. Expecting the worst every time you encounter a woman will mean that only the worst kinds of women will have the patience to deal with you.

    • I’m a woman and I find this post HILARIOUS and spot on. Some of these women are completely deluded dried up old hags, who can’t even string a coherent sentence together, yet are seeking “Bono, Brad Pitt or Sting” (see above). The men who posted the profiles show no sign of being either self-hating or bitter, they do however have a flawless sense of irony and humor. You, on the other hand, have clearly spent too much time absorbing the hamsterbations of misandrists and could probably do with a good lay. Or maybe you’re on your period. Or maybe you’re too old to get periods any more. Or maybe you posted a deluded profile yourself and are bitter because Brad Pitt never wrote you back. Hahahaha.

      • My guess is that she posted not just one, but all of those awful profiles posted by Brian. Then she got upset that the same five desperate men kept filling up all of the in boxes.

        And no Brad Pitt in sight. Maybe she’ll feel better if she names her next vibrator Brad Pitt.

      • Poor choice. Brad Pitt is not my type.

        Why do so many men assume that Brad Pitt is somehow every woman’s ideal man?

        Imma name my next vibrator “Aragorn.” Look him up.

    • The lady doth project too much.

      You’re posting on a thread where women are called out for having expectations of men far beyond the standards they hold themselves to.
      It’s a thread where profiles proclaiming “virtues” that men are at best indifferent about are mocked for failing to understand or refusing to acknowledge what we want.
      And here you are, desperately proclaiming your emotional and dating health, and holding yourself out as the objective for our dating endeavors.

      You come here accusing us of insecurity and self loathing. And there we have it: you are terrified that quality men would have standards, since you believe that you’d be found insufficient. Hopefully, you can draw some confidence from the fact that your instincts are right about our judgment.

      • Well, I disagree with the points that many of you are attempting to make. And I’m definitely noticing that insecurity and bitterness literally bleed off the pages of this blog’s comment sections. However, those two things aren’t really an indication of my dating and emotional health. You don’t know enough about me to make that call, but I am holding myself out as the ideal because I, essentially, am that. I’d wager that if you met me outside of this comment section, I’d pretty much be that young, feminine, kind woman who has her life together and would let you lead the relationship.

        But you wouldn’t get to date me, because I wouldn’t want to deal with all your vitriol and anger towards women.

        And you’re doing it now. You’re projecting, like like I said. Proving my point. What did I ever say in my post that led you to conclude that I’m “terrified of quality men and would find anyone insufficient?” That is purely you, projecting your own issues onto a fairly neutral statement.

        If you want to win in dating, you’ve gotta avoid reading between the lines and looking for reasons to rule people out.

        I’m curious to see if you’ll be able to reply to this without proving my point by projecting your own issues with women onto my words.

      • experimental on said:

        I’m totally cool with quality men having standards. My problem is when men who have a ridiculous list of standards don’t tolerate if a woman has standards AT ALL and labels her as a “b”, shallow, or entitled (or whatever) just because she has standards.

    • And actually I would like to amend my last comment. The word “bitter” isn’t accurate, “mean-spirited” is really what I meant.

    • LostSailor on said:

      Ah, JJK, you humorless troll. A shrieking harridan, come to grace us with the spittle-flecked projections of your deepest fears of your own irrelevance. Like any good solipsist, you take a small sampling of comments and assume they relate to all women (by which you mean just you).

      Did the shock of recognition as you read these profiles chill you to the very marrow of your shrewish soul? It should have. But not to worry, you won’t have the chance to date any of us as we’ll be speeding past your poorly aging form to bang your hotter, tighter, younger sisters. We’re well aware you prefer secure, trusting men who will be blithely unaware until the moment you sink your harpy claws into their backs.

      Your disingenuous “advice” is mere whistling past the graveyard of your spinsterhood.

      Run along now.

      Or if you insist on staying, at least be useful and make us some sandwiches. There’s a good girl…

      • So, yeah, basically proving my point, you guys have really projected quite a few of your own issues onto my comments.

        The many bizarre conclusions you’ve drawn about me in an apparent attempt to insult me are amusing, but they’re also very telling. (Where did you get “she must be really old” from my first comment? Like old women are the only ones who’d ever take issue with this nonsense? I turned 30 six weeks ago. Indeed, you project. A lot.)

        Well, the truth is, I haven’t put my profile online yet. I happen to think the profile that I have is pretty kickass. It’s been read, checked, and man-approved by FOUR different men. I actually found this website because I was searching for profile-writing tips. This particular post contains a great many “What-not-do-dos,” but it also made me realize that a lot of you guys are basically acting out a self-fulfilling prophecy with all this stuff.

        I’m posting the thing live on Wednesday night, so maybe I’ll let you know how it goes. Will I be shunned by all men on match.com? I don’t know! I’ll find out in a couple of days.

        I definitely have a lot of stuff in there about “loving adventure.” I’m sure many of you would read that and think “She’s going to kick me the curb if I don’t supply her with continual excitement.” Which is sad, because that’s kind of a fairly neutral, innocent statement to make. So, I know I can’t really filter out men who have massive issues with women, but at least I know to be on-alert about that type of craziness.

      • LostSailor on said:

        I do so love it when women storm in here spewing about “projection!” It’s like shining a spotlight on their very soul.

        Of course, reading comprehension could be better. I said nothing about you being old; I said poorly aging. Interesting how you immediately went to “old.” I suspect someone sees the Wall looming on the horizon.

        Good for you that you had to run your profile by four (count ’em FOUR) men. I’m sure they encouraged you to include “strong” and “independent” in there, which you show by seeking the approval of men. Assuming they were blue-pill guys, they likely told you only what you wanted to hear.

        If you came here seeking advice on what not to do, your comments show that you haven’t comprehended very well. TPM actually has post about how women should write a profile that’s quite good. It’s even been woman test and woman approved!

        One thing you shouldn’t be doing is doling out advice until you actually have a clue.

        Now. How about that sandwich. And a cold beer…

  171. Just saw this one…http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=8932059

    Age adjusted 8 (body) but 6 (face). Anyway, and I quote: “My oldest asked me the other day, ‘Mom do you think you are being too picky?’ I said at my age and I have that right I know what I want and I will not settle at this point.”

    Even her own son sees the entitlement mentality….

  172. Story of my life. Being born in a family with four dramatic sisters and an equally dramatic mom has made me realize only one thing about women: Young or old alike! They exaggerate everything and make hills out of moles. And blame all on men 🙂

  173. I know she’s only 23, but this almost killed me laughing.

    Item: Ultrabook Well Inspiration
    Age: 23
    Weight: 43 kg.
    Processor: Intel i-luvu 6.9 GHz
    RAM: As hard as you can
    HDD: 1 TB
    Display: Pleasant. Upgrades regularly.
    Battery: Protein-Ion
    Battery life: 16 hours, may need to recharge for 7-8 h.
    Speakers: Conveniently silent.
    Security: High. Automatic shut-down when approached by any user unauthorized by the Administrator.
    OS: Windows Bedroom 6.9 Home Edition. May be upgraded to Ultimate. Note: Highly incompatible with Professional Edition!
    Ports: 3 useable
    Info for gamers: Not the perfect machine for casual gamers. Video card allows Administrator to run virtually all of the most common game smoothly and frequently. Incompatible with Counter Strike and BDSM.
    Details:
    User-friendly interface. Very practical little machine. Perfect for long use. Stable system, never overheats in the absence of serious causes. Overheating activates Cry-Me-A-River anti-heat defense. Warning: Installing MISTRESS.EXE may cause serious overheat and damage the machine permanently!
    Preinstalled programs:
    Norton Anti-Nag Firewall 3.0 (Fully upgraded)
    MS Home 2010: full pack. Cooking, Cleaning, Washing included.
    Guys-Night-Out-Fine 2.3 (Beta)
    Self-Entertainment.EXE
    Study.Doctor.of.Pharmacy.EXE
    Kaspersky AntiVirus 2010
    Common Knowledge & Common Sense Pack (May have slight bugs)
    Warning: Spacial.Orientation.EXE is non-functional. The system may get lost in a metro station.
    Previous users:
    Licensed: None
    Unlicensed: 1
    Period of use: 1 year

    System Requirements:
    Low. Common patches (ROSES.EXE, SMALL_GIFTS.EXE, HUGS_KISSES.EXE, LOVE_YOU.EXE) may be installed at the user’s leisure.
    Highly incompatible with ALCOHOLISM.EXE, DRUG.USE, PHYSICAL.ABUSE, INFIDELITY.EXE. In any of these programs are present, the system may shut down and refuse to cooperate.

    Price: Free as Linux.

    • That is the best dating profile ever. I’m a girl, but I’d consider switching sides just to date that one.

      • Allow me to disagree.
        1. Describes herself as a machine used at the “Administrator’s” leisure. Screams low self-esteem. Views herself as a mere object. Self-objectifyng women are high infidelity risk and view the world in materialistic terms. Typical mail-order bride (she’s from EE).
        2. Extremely bland. Says absolutely nothing about herself, her views of the world (notebook with political views, lol) but still tries to pass as “intellectual” by copy-pasting some PC selling site and tweaking a few words to get one or two cheap laughs.
        3. “Three useable ports” No comment.
        4. A woman that mentions drama is full of drama. Normal people don’t need to state explicitly they “don’t overheat easily”.
        5. Doctor of Pharmacy explains it all. Overprotected by ambitious parents, spends the most joyful years of her life sticking her nose in the books. A genuine geek, not too bright, forced to study hard, no time for boyfriends (only 1 at age of 23? WTF?) – mommy and daddy’s dream come true. As a result her self-esteem is extremely low (she’s been pushed around all her life and molded into something her helicopter parents want). Her attitude clearly shows her feeling undesired, and for a good reason. Run for the hills with this one. No, wait, she’s hot enough for a PnD.

    • DC Phil on said:

      She forgot to mention how the system enacts with a mouse. Or is it just touch pad? 🙂

      • Go ask her. I can give you a FB. Don’t think it’s worth it, though.

      • experimental on said:

        Honestly, I found that profile highly creative. There are things in it that I disagree with and think that there are parts that put more pressure on women and may not be desirable to some men…even parts that make some women look bad. But most men would jump on that one like white on rice, I would think. 🙂 Haha…just being honest. DC Phil, I don’t know, I kind of like that little miniature joystick in the middle of the keyboard on some of the older laptops…a very realistic model, I think. GREAT practice. I guess that one dates and ages me, huh? lol

  174. It’s upsetting when I see a woman’s profile state that she is not interested in black or brown men, or men of some ethnicity other than Caucasian. And many of these women will write that they will only settle for the best… So the best/Ideal man isn’t black or brown? In my opinion, there is more racism now than there was fifty or so years ago. Only now, it’s more covert because racism is no longer a socially accepted norm. Of course, many of these women will attempt to rationalize it away by saying “Everyone has their own preferences…”.

    The simple truth is: these women are racists.

  175. @tac50 – The only reason you notice such a thing is because you are only looking to date caucasian women. Why is it wrong for white women to avoid dating black or brown, but it is A-OK for you to make the same choice? Why get upset that white women agree with your taste? If the women are racists, then you are too. (For the record I don’t think there is anything wrong with racial preferences in dating, just as I don’t think there is anything wrong with weight preferences. People who get upset over weight preferences tend to be fat chicks who insist on being with a hot, fit man; you are doing the exact same thing.)

    • @PennyF – I am sorry, but you are wrong. I am not only looking to date white woman. You don’t know me, PennyF, nor can you read minds. Please don’t attribute things to me that are not true.

      I have no preference when it comes to ethnicity or colour. I don’t message any lady that writes such blatant racism in her profile either. I even read profiles of ladies who are non-white/caucasian that state that they are not interested in men of colour.

      Personally, I wouldn’t want to marry or get into a serious relationship with an overweight lady. (Seeing as you have already attributed things to me that weren’t true, you might be thinking that I would be willing to sleep with an overweight lady but not get into a relationship with her. Just so you know, I am a virgin, voluntarily celibate, and saving myself for my wife, whoever she may be because I haven’t met her yet ;p) I do a lot of extreme sports, climbing, cross country, hiking, etc. Being very active is part of my life. I would like to be able to partake in these physically intensive activities with my partner. I would like my partner to be able to keep up and challenge me.

      For the record, weight can be controlled. Skin colour, height, and ethnicity are things you are born with, and they cannot be readily changed by anything other than costly and extensive surgery.

      • Sounds like you have a very long-winded way of basically saying you’re controlling. Why don’t you do you and let us do us. Avoid those you don’t like and take a look at yourself if you get too lonely in the end.

        Signed, another man.

  176. PennyF on said:

    Tac50 you can go on and on about not wanting to date fat chicks all you like, but your bizarre fixation on the subject still isn’t going to make thin white women want you. Are you one of those Indian dudes I see the “manosphere” constantly ridiculing?

    • Murad Mirza on said:

      PennyF,

      Even if I was Indian what would that have to do with anything? Are you saying that Indians are ridicule-worthy? Am I supposed to take offense to your comment? Should I pack my bags and go elsewhere before I become a target of this ridicule? According to you, I also have bizarre fixations. You’re not coming off as a nice person. Even with the cover of anonymity, I wouldn’t behave any differently than I am now. I know I am speaking to a human being on the other side.

      In any case, I have had opportunities to engage in relationships with average to thin Caucasian ladies, but they weren’t for me. These woman were either immature or had rotten personalities. I’m not saying all Caucasian ladies behave this way. Only most of the ones I have met (even the non-Caucasian ones), but they are not in my life anymore because I didn’t see them as generally good people. There were only two good ones, but they were five or more years older than me. I wrote five or more because the one never told me her age. She was a cute and curvy Yemeni lady. The other lady was a swimming instructor and high school teacher with a Dutch/German background. I was inexperienced in the dating/relationship world at that time. I’m probably still inexperienced ;p

      If I became a father, I would do away with, rather, trade in many of my extra-curricular activities for something better: raising my child/children. After having children, I wouldn’t care that much if my wife became moderately overweight because we would be spending our time doing more important and fulfilling things. Childbearing also takes a toll on ladies -it would be horrible of me to be insensitive of this.

  177. “Also, I don’t care about the profiles of women under 35. Leave the youngsters alone. I want the profiles of seemingly mature, intelligent women.”

    What a laughable display of adultism.

    It utterly fascinates me how people utterly stereotype individuals based on mere age. Age isn’t always a determinable factor for specified conventions of intelligence or wisdom, that question alone solidifies a childish nature.

    Assuming one knows anything of individuality, any cretin can clearly see such matters are a “little” more complicated. *Raises eyes.*

    • I let this comment through because it does raise some interesting points. “Adultism” is a new ism that I had never even considered. Is it valid? Perhaps. I do know that most people – male and female alike – tend to accumulate wisdom through experience and that experience usually comes from living life and age. However, some are blessed with wisdom through observation and learning from others and that kind of wisdom is not about age.

      But the snark in this comment bespeaks of a poor understanding of logic and reason. It positively drips with ad hominem. My readers will see that instantly and the commenter should keep the snark and ad hominem in check. As well, “stereotypes” are actually part of generalizations, a concept which allows us to note the common patterns of human behavior. Telling someone to not generalize is like saying “be ignorant”.

    • silverstardust on said:

      It is obviously a little bit different for men rather than it is for women in terms of the age limit. If I was to date (per say), I wouldn’t want to date anyone who is younger than me for, lets say,more than 3 years or so. Although, the above limit isn’t really the issue (to certain extent). I personally don’t undermine younger men (if I could say so) but my problem is, that I would feel like an “aunty to nephews”. Also I’d feel like I would overpower younger men.
      Talking about the online dating – there is one thing I never understood – is long descriptive account really necessary? In the past I did try online dating but I never thought I should write down the whole lifelong history with all the preferences. I thought if a guy found me attractive enough to contact me, its the email response that I would care about more (or MSN etc etc). And vice versa. But then again, as I mentioned before, I am not really believing in online dating either. The irony of it all is, that’s how my partner found me at a time. Go figure!

      • DC Phil on said:

        After doing it for a while, I found that the long description was both unnecessary and, in the case of men doing the pursuing, several strikes against the guys because they’re giving the women material with which to disqualify. Better to foster the sense of interest and curiosity to lead to meeting. Similar to what resumes are for — to get the interview.

        As for the gals and their descriptions, though, longwindedness means “look at me, look at me!”

  178. HenriqueChick on said:

    OK I just stumbled here after someone on match actually mentioned this blog on his profile page. Now I’m pretty sure that I just wasted 40 bucks to sign up on match. so I’m here and WOW just wow. I think this is why I barely wrote anything in my description. Can I ask a favor of the lovely gents here? If I post my match profile will you give me some feedback? I’m dead serious here you would not believe some of the emails I get. I’m not delusional I get I’m like a 5 maybe adjusted to 4 cause I’m 30+ but I’ll take whatever feedback to get at least someone “normal” (normal meaning, with a photo, not emailed me 52 times even if I say nicely “no thank you” and general randomness) to email me. So far I’ve had one nice, normal, person email me., but of course he lives across the country. I mean I’m still talking to him. But still I’ve dated enough Alphas to know I’m kind of done with them. I’m not looking for a model, a rich dude to buy me stuff or anything like that.
    I’ll appreciate any constructive criticism/feedback.
    http://www.match.com/profile/Show?UID=WmiY21JldVlKq4ZNzy6aSw%3D%3D&Handle=Henriquechick

    Yes I’m a hockey fan…it is what it is