A Woman Responds To A Recent Blog Post

I sometimes get some great comments. The one that I received today is mid-range. It’s worth commenting on but not worth letting through moderation. The commenter, a woman, was motivated by this relatively recent blog post on feminine pleasantness.

The original comment is in italics, my responses are in boldface.

Wow. That post was really unkind and unreflective of reality. And by unkind, I mean misogynistic and lacking in human compassion. Women are human, just like men.

Misogynistic? I get that often enough. This is because I violate the 11th Commandment, “Thou shalt not criticize women”. Women are indeed human. They also have patterns of bad behavior and character flaws that cause huge problems when it comes time for them to find an intimate relationship with a man.

We also do not want to hang out with men who cannot control their moods and who are grumpy and sullen day after day. It is also not our job to make a man happy when he cannot find his own happiness.

I agree with this. Any adult, man or women, who doesn’t have at least some control over their negative moods is nothing more than a child. Men, in particular, must control those moods. Women are cut way too much slack in this area. Also, why is he grumpy and sullen? Bad day at work? 

We also are attracted to men who can remain calm and smile through adversity. Replace the female pronouns, etc., in your post with male pronouns and vice versa and your post would be equally true.

Again, I agree. Men must be stoic in the face of adversity. This is true strength and shows serious backbone, catnip to women.

Your idea that women are “naturally” one way and men “naturally” another way is false and silly.

This statement is idiotic. Common and predictable behaviors based on one’s sex are well-studied and well-known. Of course, you have an exception to those common behaviors which you mean to prove my assertions incorrect. Guess what cupcake, you’re using the logical fallacy of “the example of one”. Brilliant. #facepalm. Look beyond the solipsistic confines of your own experiences.

My husband had that attitude and that is why he’s now single. He believed he could stomp around the house and pout, take me for granted and treat me however he wished, and my job was to smile, bake cookies and give him a BJ.

His biggest mistake was stomping around and pouting. But, you said “yes” when he proposed. But was he always like that? Or did you encourage him to be more in touch with his feelings? Guess what, that stomping and pouting are expressions of his feelings.

Ummm, no. Not going to happen. Now he gets to smile at himself, bake his own cookies and make friends with his right hand, all while being a single parent 50% of the time and cleaning his own house and living off 50% less salary. See how that worked out? Granted, he is now working on finding the doormat of his dreams, but thankfully it won’t be me.

Why 50% less salary? Oh, right… alimony and child support? Wait, no child support, 50% custody. You’re still getting child support with only 50% custody? Oh my. Regardless, since you’re getting alimony in the form of 50% of his salary, that means he was the primary breadwinner. Congrats, you won the divorce game! There’s a lesson here, guys.

Additionally, women would not be required to be so strong and independent if they could actually rely on men, but the biggest complaint I hear from women my age (early 40s) is that having their husband is like having another child.

Men of a certain age have been taught, by women, to let the women be more strong and independent. You think men want to be hopelessly dependent? I agree, that’s awful. But here’s a solution to all you strong and independent women disgusted with the state of men today, date other women. As for men being like kids in the house, how are they at work? Oh, right, those women have no clue. But I’m sure they reap the benefits of those men’s salaries.

You know what’s a huge turn off for a women? Being incapable. Emotionally, psychologically, verbally, around the house, with the kids, etc. If your wife has to take care of you like a child, she doesn’t want to sleep with you too. Because, that’s gross. She doesn’t want to service you at night after doing all the stuff you were incapable of doing all day in addition to her own tasks.

Um, back to his salary, he seems to be capable of that. And please don’t spew that “it’s all about his money” crap. You’re taking alimony, remember? That’s his money. However, in the scenario you described, perhaps he’s getting alimony from you! If that’s the case, you go guy!!!

She doesn’t want to have to help you “identify your feelings” and “use your words” in conversation and then do you later. Not sexy, guys. And if you don’t want to hear a women speak her mind, get a prostitute. I think it was Billy Idol who said, “I don’t pay to sleep with them. I pay for them to go away.”

That was Charlie Sheen, by the way. OK, you’re contradicting yourself here. On one hand, you want the man to be stoic in the face of adversity and now you’re talking about helping him with identifying (and expressing, no doubt) his feelings. Pick one. Guys, while she’s trying to sort that out without her brain overheating, let me help. Be stoic in the face of adversity.

Also, when a woman speaks her mind, is it valuable to him? Does it really add to the conversation and even the relationship? If not, women must activate that ol’ verbal filter. Far too often, “speaking her mind” is code for “I’m gonna bitch and moan and inject verbal drama in your life but don’t stop making a salary”.

If you want your wife to sleep with you and then pretend she doesn’t have thoughts, feelings and concerns in life, marry a prostitute and pay her day rate every day.

There are more than a few guys who think that’s the current state of marriage. Of course, they’re still not getting the sex they paid for. Doh!

This whole comment is nothing more than “men do it too!” Yeah, some do. But I don’t write like that. I also stand by my assertion in the original blog post that kindness, pleasantness, and caring are wonderfully feminine traits and men must screen for those type of women during the dating process. Keep those comments coming!

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“Journalism” Meets The Red Pill

With increased frequency, hide-bound and agenda-driven mainstream media outlets are making a stab at writing about Red Pill wisdom. Usually, the stab hits air. The Telegraph, a UK news outlet recently published an opinion piece written by a young woman who seemed eager to throw some written poop at Red Pill thought. She hit air. with especially runny poo. Read it before continuing to read this blog post:

“Welcome to the Red Pill: The angry men’s rights group that ‘knows what women want’”

The piece was clearly written hastily and with the weakest of research. The author, Rebecca Reid, is a mere freelance typist who churns out content for the “Wonder Woman” section of The Telegraph online. As best as I can tell, her content is only to provide a marginally useful function for some idle electrons in The Telegraph’s idle electron storage facility. That facility is shared with the Huffpost Women’s section.

I was actually moved to comment on the piece, something I rarely do in a mainstream media outlet. In fact, I think this is the first time I’ve ever done so. My comment is buried a bit so here it is:

“Feminists want men to become something that women are not attracted to.”

As an aside, Red Pill ideas are certainly not limited to one subreddit or the various subreddits linked to it. There are dozens upon dozens of websites, blogs, and forums where Red Pill thinking is discussed and where men and women are learning some elemental, biologically based truths about human behavior and its essential predictability.

The entire dating coach industry is built upon Red Pill truths that help men and women understand each other from a realistic and not fantasy point of view. Most dating coaches, however, won’t self-identify as Red Pill practitioners, they will even deny it. Yet looking at what the successful dating coaches teach, it is very clear that in order to be successful, the dating coach does indeed teach difficult, Red Pill truths, just delivered in more palatable ways. If the dating coach gives bad, fantasy-based advice, he/she will simply go out of business leaving behind clients still single and still frustrated.

As the writer of the opinion piece brought up The Red Pill subreddit, it’s important to know that this subreddit is now in the top 300 of all subreddits and has over 137,000 members. It’s also important to know that the subreddit is mostly populated by young men because these are the men most frustrated and confused by the massive conflict between “progressive”, ideologically-based social expectations and hard-wired, DNA-based behaviors of human beings, especially in the context of attraction between men and women. So, these young men turn to sources of truth and reality, away from the fantasy world of contemporary social expectations.

These young men also turn to pick-up artists (PUAs) to learn both the science and art of being more attractive to young women and the skills required to fulfill their relationship goals, even if that goal is for a one-night sexual encounter. PUAs are often excoriated in the mainstream media and web-based media targeted at women. But it makes little difference because men want honest answers and the truth wants to come out.

Finally, the Cassie Jaye movie only covers the MRA branch of Red Pill wisdom. PUA and MGTOW is not part of its content. But given the extraordinary fundraising success (via Kickstarter) of her upcoming documentary, perhaps she will have a couple of follow-up films that cover the other two branches of the Red Pill/Manosphere approach that increasing numbers of men are using to improve their lives.

Another comment (by Isaac T. Quill) also caught my attention. It was an absolutely brilliant bit of biting satire and needs to be shared:

A Little known fact that Rebecca Reid missed completely. Red Pill vs Blue Pill is a long-standing debate from the 1840’s. … that’s right she’s out by over 160 years.

Blue pill refers to a gentle laxative made with mercury chloride, and the red pill an alternate Mercury laxative made with Mercury oxide. In days of old Physicians would be red pillers to blue pillers depending upon their prescribing habits.

Not a lot of people know that – and evidently Rebecca Reid doesn’t and also can’t be bothered with basic professional research… so could she stop calling herself a Journalist. I’m sure it breaches the Trades Descriptions Act (1968) under section 2.1.(d) “fitness for purpose, strength, performance, behaviour or accuracy;”.

The Red Pill is going to get lots more attention in the future. It will not be pretty but it will be lots of fun. I might comment more depending on the content.

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Beware The Self-Fulfilling Prophesy

I recently got a call from my buddy, Mark the musician. He’s a regular reader of my blog and lives in South Florida. As he studies Red Pill wisdom, he’s very in tune with the reality of life, not the fantasy of life. Mark is very aware of physical appearance and his lifestyle. for better and worse. As a single guy in a high-profile profession – he plays bass in local and traveling bands – he’s often asked about his relationship status. He’s single and not currently dating anyone.

When asked about why he’s not dating anyone, Mark is too honest with his response. He freely admits that he’s short, bald (shaved head), 48 years old, and lives with his aging mother so he can help her out. He also admits that his job is music, not exactly a source of steady income. As he said during our phone conversation, he thinks logically about himself. This is the peril of masculine introspection. He knows too well his shortcomings.

“Men think logically and that includes thinking about himself” he accurately observed. This is amplified by adhering to Red Pill thought where direct honesty is far more important than stupidly unrealistic social expectations. This, however, presents a serious dilemma for men. We soundly criticize women for having a wildly unrealistic self-perception of attractiveness. Red Pill guys can go too far in the other direction regarding self-perception if they are too realistic. It comes to this: “I see too many unattractive, unchangeable things about me so women will never find me attractive”

Such realism can cause a self-fulfilling prophesy. There is nothing wrong with realism until it knocks down a guy’s confidence. This is exacerbated when certain elements of masculine attractiveness are beyond a man’s control. Height is the biggest example. Once a man hits a certain age, he’s not growing any more. The same applies to hair loss unless drastic measures are taken. But weight can be lost, social skills and confidence gained, and charisma learned.

A conventional, and accurate, tenet within Pickup Artistry (PUA) circles is “have irrational self-confidence”. This is easy for the dames because they think emotionally. A post-wall woman uses a mirror as a time machine to the past when her desirability was at its peak. She can do this because her emotions alter how she perceives herself. This, by the way, is a sub-species of the rationalization hamster. Men, being the kings for logic, reason, and realism look at the mirror and typically see their real selves, not some fantasy version thereof.

Such realism is good for masculine self-improvement because a man can see what needs improvement that can be improved. But the realism is a double-edged sword. It can be far too easy to evaluate one’s attractiveness in a negative light. This is horrible for a man’s confidence and is easily perceived by others, particularly women.

Thankfully, there is a cure. I give dating advice for women that can be applied to men but with a variation. For the woman, I advise that when she sees a man she finds at least one good thing about him. For a man, I advise that when he looks in the mirror he sees one good thing in himself, preferably more than one. If he sees something that can be fixed, he envisions that changes that must be made to himself, by himself, and for himself.

In Mark’s case, he does NOT resemble a typical late-40s guy. Through his occupation as a musician, he has cultivated a unique look that bespeaks youth, not middle-age. As well, his Red Pill attitude blesses him with the knowledge that he can work on the parts of himself that he can change. This includes leaning on the side irrational self-confidence.

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“Not interested in your car, boat, motorcycle…”

This is an actual headline in a woman’s online dating profile. This particular woman – from Plenty of Fish here in South Florida – has been doing online dating for several years. I know this because I checked my notes from 2012. I had indeed sent her a message and it was read and deleted. That’s fine, everyone has preferences regarding the opposite sex and I obviously didn’t match her preferences.

In her current profile, she states that she’s 50 years old. While her headline is rather negative, her text description is fairly generic. She states her music preferences and only uses one sentence stating her desires in a man. She never states what she offers to a potential paramour. At least she doesn’t have a list of requirements that are completely unrealistic. There is one line that stands out:

“…like me for my mind, not my body…play with my body, not my mind…”

Hmmm. Based on her profile headline and that particular line, it’s pretty easy to figure what has happened with her online dating experience since 2012.

1. She did indeed date a man (or men) with a fancy car, boat, and motorcycle. This is South Florida. Men with such fancy stuff can easily attract women because such stuff requires financial resources. These men promise a relationship but never make it happen. I’ve met many women over 45 here who complain bitterly about this.

2. After “dating” these type of guys and not reaching her relationship goals, she is attempting to push the dating pedumlum in another direction. She does state in her profile that she wants a long-term relationship. As well, she’s fairly attractive and her photos show it.

3. She’s still up for some sexual action: “play with my body, not my mind”. That’s cool, it’s her desire and it’s perfectly valid. She’s willing to sex up the affluent man and still commit to a man who doesn’t have quite the source of material things. Alpha fucks, beta bucks?

4. One of her interests is snow skiing. Living in South Florida, that means trips up north or out west. That takes some resources. She’s in “customer service” with “some college” so it’s clearly up to the man to fund such trips.

For men doing the online dating thing, it’s incredibly important to read between the lines. Please don’t simply look at photos and hope for the best. Read every word in the profile. Analyze those words carefully. The advantage of online dating is that the words are relatively permanent. Things get complicated when attending a live singles event where the words from women emerge quickly. Thankfully, actions speak louder than words.

I’m going to send her a message through Plenty of Fish. I will update as warranted. I won’t mention this blog post.

Two Single Women Over 40 – And Observations

As a smoker, I take my smoke breaks with the few other smokers in this fairly large office building. My compatriots in nicotine are mostly ordinary people working white-collar jobs, just like me. There are two 40-plus single dames who I chat with regularly, albeit briefly. They both know that I give attraction and dating advice to the post-divorce crowd.

Because they know I have a blog and I run into them regularly, I am going to be extremely diplomatic with my words. Both women are over 40 and to a 50-something guy, they are not unattractive. One has a teen-aged son, the other is never-married (I think) and without kids. So have we have Mom and Non-Mom. Non-Mom is actively looking for a male romantic interest in her life. Mom would probably date a guy if he fell in her lap.

Non-Mom is frustrated with the whole dating process. She’s making many of the classic mistakes that women make in the search for romance. But Non-Mom is actively looking. She’s doing the online dating thing and does get out of the house with yoga and walking. Recently, she gave out her phone to a guy she met on the street (think city street, not suburbia). So Non-Mom is doing that part right. She also dresses in a very feminine manner. That alone will get attention from men.

Mom, on the other hand, is more circumspect about her romantic endeavors. “I’m just so busy for dating.” My readers will know exactly that actually means. I just looked at her and stated simply, “then you’re not ready for dating.” Her reaction was expected, she back-peddled a bit and changed her approach to the conversation. Again, as expected. Her back story is all about being attracted to the wrong types of men after her divorce. Good for excitement, poor for relationships, hence, her circumspection. Mom does dress well, just not as feminine as Non-Mom.

I do talk about some Red Pill subjects with these two women while we smoke. The listen patiently but I don’t expect it to sink in very much. It takes an incredible amount of effort to be introspective enough to adjust attitudes. My readers know the process. Non-Mom will likely meet her relationship goal. She’ll be most disappointed in the whole dating scene until she meets her version of Prince Charming. This is because she’s actively working at meeting men.

Mom is receptive but too passive in her quest for romance. Her challenge is that few men in this age range actively approach women. I will wager that mostly men over 60 years old will approach her while she’s out and about. I sense she’ll take it well but wistfully wonder why aren’t guys her own age aren’t approaching her. It’s because men her age with the confidence and charisma to approach women will be approaching younger women.

Attraction and dating changes a great deal once a certain age is reached. It’s hard to understand and accept that the attraction balance shifts towards the men. A lot of guys my age don’t understand that and this keeps them from working on self-improvement to be even more attractive to the opposite sex. These same guys don’t understand that single women want to approached, even if just for validation purposes. This is the generation of men who came of age in the 1980s and were taught to be Sensitive New Age Guys (SNAGS). This is also the generation when herpes and AIDS burst into the sexual marketplace. It affected us and reprogramming is a tough process.

To my commenters, exercise diplomacy please, I see these two women almost every day. And no, no photos of them.

A Scene At A Wedding Reception

Note: All the names have been changed.

I had the opportunity to attend a beach wedding recently. It was in Key West and I was the official date of a female friend of mine. Logistically, the whole thing worked out well. The drive down was mostly uneventful except my friend’s expensive speeding ticket. We arrived in Key West and checked in to a nice bed and breakfast right on Duval Street. For those not in the know, Duval Street is the main drag where all the partying happens. It’s very serious partying.

The first evening we were there, my friend ran into a colleague from years ago. The colleague was a high powered career woman without kids who had married a decent guy over a decade ago. This was Kristen and Dave. The four of us are all roughly the same age, 40s and 50s, and got along well. I mentioned my blog in passing when asked about what I do.

The following day, the beach wedding went off without a hitch. We met up again with Kristen and Dave, this time at the wedding reception at a “rustic” waterfront bar. Think Buffet style, not Warren but Jimmy. It’s Key West, after all. Over drinks and copious food, Kristen asked me a question, “So what’s your blog about?”

“I help men become more attractive to women so these guys can meet their relationship goals”.

That’s my standard and consistent response when I am asked about my blog.

“What’s it called?”

“The Private Man, you can Google it.”

My friend nodded and smiled. She likes what I write. Kristen and Dave seemed intrigued. The conversation shifted for a few minutes where Kristen and my friend caught up on connections and people from the years past when they worked together. Then Dave piped up. He had been searching for my blog on his smart phone.

“I found it.” He then started reading my most recent post about the TV show audition.

The conversation soon started up about alimony. Kristen was of the mind that alimony was fundamentally wrong. I gave her credit for that. She recommended that I read a recent Time magazine article about alimony reform and the 2nd Wives Club. She didn’t know that I had been following this particular issue for years.

At some point soon after, Dave’s cell phone rang with a call from his adult son. He had to find a quiet place to talk on the phone, leaving Kristin, my friend, and me to talk during the busy reception. Kristen soon stood up to fetch another drink from the bar. Now things got interesting. Each time I went the bar, I asked my friend if she wanted anything. I noticed that Dave’s drink was empty and I said, “You should get your husband a drink.” The gesture she gave in return was disrespectful and rude.

She waved her hand away and gave a dismissive facial expression as she turned her back on me as she faced the closely available bartender.

“Give the guy some respect!” I said loudly at her back.

The whole scene took only seconds. To her, it was a throw-away gesture of casual disrespect towards her husband. It was the equivalent of an eye-roll. It was two seconds that vividly demonstrated the current state of relationships between wives and husbands in the realm of marriage 2.0.

Yes, I was being too sensitive. I was deciding to be too sensitive. I was putting on a lens of offensivity. But I didn’t know that until I said to my friend “I’m going to blog about this”. She witnessed the scene between Kristen and me.

“See what she does.”

Yes, actions over words. My friend gets it. Perhaps Kristen would get the drink (an open bar!) and the scene would be over without further and unnecessary drama. I watched. Kristen got her own drink and sat down without a drink for her husband.

This would need to go further.

A few moments later, it was time for me to get another drink. Dave had not returned as he was still talking to his son. I ordered my own drink and then ordered one for Dave because I knew what he was drinking. With both drinks in hand, I turned so I could get back to our table, a short few feet away. Just then, Dave showed up. As we were both standing, I gave him his drink. “Here’s a drink for you.” I made sure that both Kristen and my friend could see what was going on.

Kristen responded immediately. “So, are you dating my husband?!” (or, words to that effect.)

Boom! Shaming language*. Because she used shaming language, it was clear that Kristen was caught out in her disrespect for her husband when I gave him that drink. For Kristen to express humility was not an option. The social expectation forced her to make a useless attempt at shame towards me. She could have said “I’m sorry Dave, I should have gotten you a drink.” For any woman reading this, feminine humility is savagely attractive, even more so when a wife expresses it towards a husband. It will make a man melt. It will turn him into a gracious and delighted man.

Dave was appreciative. “Thank you!” His gratitude was honest. Perhaps he had never experienced such a gesture. I never looked at Kristen because she and I both knew how that interaction went down. It was not in her favor given her disrespect and selfishness. Later, my friend called it “just rude”.

This is the cultural miasma of misandry. Men are afforded little respect. We’re supposed to “man up and take it.” It’s worse for husbands. Kristen’s casual wave of dismissal is an example of it. She is committed to Dave yet the small act of getting a free drink was somehow beyond (beneath?) her. I don’t know the dynamics of their marriage so I don’t know if that’s a common pattern of behavior for them. I am focusing on that one gesture.

When the four of us got to chatting after that small scene, I was very determined about sticking up for men. At one point in the conversation I actually stood up and spread my arms loudly stating “I always stand up for men, I’m a masculinist!” I got some dirty looks. With such bombast, I knew I was running a social risk and might piss off my friend. I took that risk and there were no consequences except some interesting talk between us later in the evening.

As a writer who supports masculinity, I don’t take well to disrespect to men. I know that women are apt to slander men and I urge all my readers to speak up when men are being bashed merely for the act of being a man. Simply “Manning up and taking it” can’t work anymore. It’s time for push back.

A direct note to “Kristen” and “Dave”: You will likely read this blog post because you know about my blog. This post will likely cause you discomfort. You might even get offended and defensive. That’s the price I pay for the candor and honesty of my observations and advice. Before you read the comments, be aware that some of my commenters have very strong views on topics like this and their language will not be so measured. Am I overreacting? Perhaps. Know that I am very keenly aware and very sensitive to the dynamics between men and women, husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends.

* Shaming language is simply an insult that is used to deflect focus away from a particular discussion/debate topic. When it is used, it almost always means that the person doing the shaming is in the wrong and doesn’t want to deal with it logically or rationally. It is a verbal tactic used by both genders constantly.

The Parable of Mark and Lauren (by laidnyc)

I’m a huge fan of cleverly written blog posts. With the author’s permission, I’m reposting an extraordinarily clever post from LaidNYC (link below). A smart reader will quickly figure out angle of this post and the lesson it imparts on young women. Honestly, there are times when I’m grateful to be middle age and don’t have to deal directly with the 20-something dating scene.

Lauren is happy.  Last night, her boyfriend Mark finally told her he loved her.  She had been wanting that ever since they started seeing each other four months ago.  She had been having sex with him, and it had been pleasurable for sure, but she was doing so hoping it would turn into something more: love.

Mark had been aloof and slow to give away his emotions.  Lauren didn’t mind this, she even preferred it.  It meant that she had to work for his love, and by the time he said it, she felt she had earned it and that it really meant something to him.

Lauren set up an excited brunch with her friends Stina, Terri and Lisa.  They hadn’t seen each other in four months, in fact none of them knew she was dating Mark.  Right away, she starts telling them the good news.

“Wow” said Stina, “I didn’t even know you were dating a new guy! That’s great.”

“Yeah”, said Terri, “what is the guy’s name?”

“Mark Smith”, said Lauren.  A hush immediately fell over her support group as they began to give each other awkward looks.

“Uhhhh, Lauren”, said Lisa, “Mark Smith has loved a lot of girls.”

“Yeah”, said Stina, “He told Jackie Valenti he loved her.”

“Okay” said Lauren, “But she probably fucked his brains out, right?  Like, he was definitely getting sex from her?”

Stina cringes.  ”No” she says, “They never even kissed.  He went over to her place drunk one night and professed his love for her.  She never even let him in her bedroom.”

“Alright but that’s only one girl.  That’s okay.” Said Lauren, getting nervous.

“Well there’s also Andrea Tedesco.  He told her he loved her after two casual dates.” said Terri, “She was bragging that she kept him around for a while, getting ‘good morning beautiful’ texts from him and other indications of love whenever she needed it, and she only stopped accepting his love when he started to want sex.  He still writes on her facebook wall.”

Lauren felt a deep pit in her stomach.

Lisa continues: “Mark told Angelica Messina he loved her the first night he met her.  She said he was REALLY into it, looking her right in the eyes when he said it, getting down on his knees in front of her just to kiss her hand, and he even recited poetry for her.  She gave him one of those awkward one arm hugs and that was it.”

He never did that freaky stuff with me, thought Lauren.  If he does that stuff, then why did I just get a plain old “I love you”?

Plus Angelica is the biggest cocktease in the city, thought Lauren.  How could Mark fall for her bullshit? What an idiot.  Now she thought Mark was stupid as well as loose with his love.

Stina says, apologetically, “I don’t want to tell you this, but I heard Mark met a girl in a club and dragged her into the bathroom to tell her she was beautiful, then he gave her twenty dollars.  She never even touched him.”

“Okay, please stop” said Lauren.  She was growing sicker by the second, her world crushed.

Later, she confronts Mark with her new knowledge.  Did he really love all those girls without getting sex from them?  She demands to know.

“Well yeah but I didn’t really WANT sex from them”, Mark lies, possibly even to himself, “I wanted to give them love, that’s all.  I wasn’t ready for sex at that point in my life.”

“Uggggghhhhh” says Lauren, “Don’t you know that guys who give girls love and attention without getting sex are LOSERS??? The girls getting the love and attention don’t actually respect them, they are just using them!”

“No way, guys can want love without sex, too”, claims Mark.

“Well I heard you told Shirley Thompson from my building you loved her and I have to look at her every day.  Plus she’s really pretty, there’s no way she was going to fuck you! Why did you love her?” says Lauren.

“Is that what this is about”, Mark says, “You are just insecure because I have more experience with love than you.  You think you can’t measure up to all the beautiful girls I’ve loved in the past.”

“Just how many girls did you tell you loved?” asks Lauren

“I don’t know, about 30″ says Mark

This hits Lauren like a brick in the stomach. “30! That is insane, you are a loser!”

“Can’t you see that my past doesn’t matter, and you are giving me sex now and that’s all that matters?” says Mark, “I love the sex we have and that’s something I didn’t get from the other girls.”

Mark can’t see why this only makes Lauren madder.  Why should she be the one who has to pay by putting her valuable eggs at risk by taking his sperm in order to get the love and attention that the other girls got so easily.

“Well if you give away love so easily, why did you make me wait?” says Lauren, “Was I not as good as the other girls?”

“Well I saw the chance for sex with you and I didn’t want to mess that up by giving away love too soon”, says Mark.

Lauren dumped Mark.

She had to.

Someone so loose with their emotions is not a good person to give sex to.

What if they have a son who turns out to be easily manipulated by a pretty face, like Mark?

What if a pretty girl in need bats her eyelashes at him and he gives her money that their family needs?

What if she just wants a man’s love all to herself and that can’t happen with Mark?

Even beyond that, on a very visceral, base level that she couldn’t explain, she found Mark repulsive.  It was as if she had been wired biologically to feel disgust and lack of attraction for guys who allow themselves to get friendzoned.  There was no way she could fuck him again.

Yup, it was as clear as day, thought Lauren.  Guys who give away love easily are definitely not worthy of sex.

LaidNYC’s original post

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Emotional Pornography

[Yes, this is a re-post. This subject very recently came up in discussion and I feel it’s important to keep this idea circulating on da Interwebz.]

I’m not much into visual pornography. I prefer mine written as words because my imagination is far superior to any porn producer. I don’t particularly care if a man watches porn. It’s his business, not mine.

There is a great excoriation of visual pornography, especially from women. There is a constant yammer about false expectations of sexuality, ruined relationships, etc. The relationship advice websites are full of women moaning about their men watching porn. Feh, most of it is simply sexual gatekeeping and control. A woman wants to control a man’s sexuality – usually by saying “no” constantly – and porn is a direct threat to that control. Relationship dynamics at their very worst.

Women have their own form of pornography and it’s a well-respected and lucrative industry. Think Lifetime channel movies. Think romance novels. Think romantic comedies from Hollywood. Think vampire books. But it’s still pornography, a fantasy in words and images. I am convinced that women actually expect their relationship fantasies to be born out in real life. I see proof of that in womens’ online dating profiles. “Where is my Prince Charming?” reads a common headline. So here we have a grown women looking for a fairytale. But on weekends with the gal pals, it’s off to the latest Hollywood romantic comedy where that fairytale is reinforced as “reality” in her mind.

Chick flicks are nothing more than an emotional drug. It’s emotional heroin for dames. I reserve special loathing for “Eat, Pray, Love”. That’s the emotional pornography of the divorce fantasy. What women don’t understand is that it’s a complete fantasy. It’s make-believe. It’s a fiction conjured up by clever writers and pushed by capitalistic publishers and movie producers looking to make a buck. Do we even need to talk about the princess fantasy and the Disney industrial complex? Let’s leave that one for the child psychologists.

Emotional pornography is ruining relationships even before they get started. Women have completely unrealistic expectations about romance. They have a script in their heads and George Clooney is the supporting actor. So they put up the online dating profiles and wait. Prince Charming is right around the corner. The next online message. The next IM. Meanwhile, the Greek chorus of her friends is singing “Never Settle!” That cluttering of estrogen on the side of the stage has also well consumed that emotional pornography.

Let’s complicate things further still. If a hapless fellow decides to be that romantic Prince Charming and pitch woo at a fair damsel with lots of romance, he will be considered a schmuck, a chump, a doormat, a pushover. Even women over 40 get all tingly in their nether regions for Bad Boys. Bad Boys aren’t romantic. Bad Boys don’t give gifts or call up just to say “thinking of you”. Bad Boys have skittles (hat tip to Roissy).

Fixing up a man is also part of the overall relationship fantasy. A woman finds a diamond in the rough and works feverishly to make him “better”. Should she succeed in her project man, she suddenly realizes that he’s no longer attractive to her. And how do women come up with this nonsense? Emotional pornography, believing the fantasy should be real.

If our government really wants to embrace censorship (it shouldn’t, by the way), emotional pornography should be first on the list.

Lest I seem the curmudgeonly and cynical sort, I believe that men are finally wising up to the situation. They are learning that women merely talk a good game about needing romance and the whole knight in shining armor thing. That’s the social expectation as supported by that emotional pornography. But the actions of women, ah, that’s where the truth comes out. Fellows, forget the romance, it won’t get you laid.

Satire Ahoy! Advice For Princesses And Goddesses

Dating and relationships are so difficult. It’s so hard for the modern, sassy woman to find Mr. Perfect only to find herself in a relationship with Mr. Chump who is incapable of making her happy. I’ve got some solid advice here so if you’re single, find yourself a pint of your favorite ice cream, put your favorite cat on your lap and start reading. If you’re married or in a serious relationship, do the same but skip the cat. Any modern gal in a relationship should know about the dating game because being single is so fabulous! There’s no baffoonish man making your life complicated and you can shop ’til you drop without an annoying Y chromosome type looking over your credit card statement.

For any woman, whether single or not, the name of the game is you and your feminine fabulousness, no matter how you express it. Every woman is both a princess who deserves to be spoiled and a goddess who is wise, powerful, and all-knowing. Your needs, your desires, your whims deserve to be fulfilled. Your very happiness is at stake, after all. If you’re not 100%  happy, there’s something outside you causing that and as a princess and goddesses, you have to change it. For most women, that unhappiness is not having a man in her life or having the wrong man in her life.

Now I have to break it down for the single girls. Here’s my advice: Prince Charming is right around the corner so don’t accept second best. How do you know he’s second best? He doesn’t make your heart soar and your libido swoon. It’s just that simple. As you meet men – I recommend online dating – be sure that the chemistry is immediate and powerful. If you don’t want to jump his bones instantly, ditch him fast because your va-jay-jay will never forgive you if you don’t. There’s a strong, good-looking, successful guy just for you and never, ever settle for anything else. Your soulmate is out there looking for you. You don’t have to change yourself in any way. He should adore you for all of you, even if your curves are especially curvy. There’s simply more of you to love. Embrace your personality quirks. If you cry or get angry easily and for no real reason, that’s who you are and it’s simply fabulous.

The easiest way for a strong and independent woman to find a man is to use online dating. It’s easy and can be free. Find your best photos. It really doesn’t matter if they are bit older, your more youthful body is a better reflection of your wonderful inner beauty. Write a really good profile. The best ones list out in detail what you deserve in a man. Be extremely specific. The great thing about online dating is that your in-box will be constantly filled with guys telling you how beautiful you are. This might take some time but a whole bunch of tasty snacks to feed your body will make you feel better while you read your many messages. The bad part about online dating is that many unsuitable men will be contacting you. They will be too short, too old, too ugly, too poor, too desperate. You might find an incredible guy online and so you should send him a message. Tell him what you deserve in a man and make him prove that he’s up to the task of making you 100% happy.

If any incredibly lucky guy scores a date with you, take the opportunity to assess him carefully. You must be on the lookout for reasons to dump him and quickly. There is no frivolous reason to ditch a man. It’s all about you, remember? You are the lead actress, director, and producer in the movie that is your life. You’re looking for the best supporting actor you can find to join you in your Oscar-winning movie. Don’t be afraid to walk out on a date. You might run into Mr. Perfect on the sidewalk. Just so you know, your date pays for everything and should have brought a nice gift for you. If he didn’t do those things, you have to cut and run. Right after dinner, of course. A smart woman never turns down a free meal. Surf and turf tastes so much better when it doesn’t dent your shoe budget.

If you find that magical, instant chemistry with a guy, test him a little. He has to constantly prove himself as a quality suitor. Also, keep him on his toes by breaking dates at the last minute and generally being a little evasive. Princesses and goddesses are in short supply. If he tires of the testing, just go back online and find a new potential paramour. They’re waiting for you. As for sex? If you want to have some nookie time, even on a first date, go for it! We live in the age where it simply doesn’t matter how much or how often a woman expresses her sexuality. You go, you sexy grrl!

For you attached ladies, you really need to evaluate the current state of your relationship. As a princess and goddess, you deserve complete happiness. Oh, and being only somewhat happy doesn’t count. If that man in your life isn’t making you 100% happy, seriously consider trading him in for a better model. He’s probably already thinking about doing the same thing, typical in men who can’t handle a goddess like you. A break up or divorce is short-term pain in exchange for long-term gain. Imagine yourself as the free woman, untied from a man who is likely holding you back. You are free to pursue your passions, to travel the world, to lead a fulfilling life. You’ll also be free to find a man who adores you, even if you’re a single mom and no longer quite the 20-something girl from a few, ahem, years ago.

So, are all you incredible girls ready to take on the world and find your happiness? Ready… Set… GO!

[This post was inspired by Roosh’s Compliment and Cuddle and is a repeat post of mine. It should serve as a reminder of all the miserably bad dating and relationship advice given to women.]

Oh, Another Hater Comment!

The vast majority of my commenters are thoughtful and intelligent people. Yeah, even Danny with his hockey helmet and fat crayons (link below). I do, however receive comments that bring on da hate. Sometimes, they are so good that they turn in blog posts (link below).

Another such comment has recently rolled in and I’m more than happy to give it a thorough fisking. The comment is in response to my post “Reader Mailbag – The 30Something Single Professional Woman” (link below).

[From the post:]”Cupcake, you can’t compete with men. Men always win. We’re stronger, more intelligent, far more patient, and willing to take the kinds of risks that women would never even conceive of.”

Hmm. Any idea how offensive this is? Women are strong and intelligent and patient and willing to take risks too. I’m thinking that such comparisons are only accurate in a person to person basis, and not as gender generalizations.

Offensive? You’re on a Manosphere blog and you want to shut down the discussion because you’re offended? Unless you’re the CEO of WordPress threatening to shut me down, your being offended means absolutely nothing. Hell, if you saw me in person and told me you were offended, nothing would change. Guess what, my quote is the truth. You didn’t refute it, you just claimed to be offended. Also, generalizations work. Finding patterns and commonality is fundamental to the expansion of knowledge. Telling people to stop generalizing is telling them to be ignorant.

For the record, I didn’t say that women weren’t strong, intelligent, patient, and not willing to take risks. I just said that men are a great deal more of those things.

It seems from this article that the author believes men don’t want partners. They want doormats and servants. Is a partner really so threatening to your manhood?

Men do want partners, but not in the politically correct, ideologically driven, contemporary definition of the word. See Athol Kay (link below) for the healthiest and most realistic way to approach a committed relationship between a man and a woman. It’s called the Captain/First Mate arrangement and it reflects the reality of biology. Biology. Always. Wins.

“Doormats and servants?” The strawman logical fallacy is strong in you. “Threatening your manhood”? Really? You do realize that this is simply shaming language in order to stifle the message. Actually, you probably don’t realize this. You’re too intellectually weak. Just step away from your keyboard, you’re dumbing down the Internet.

I don’t let such comments leave moderation, that is my blog policy.

Danny from 504

Reader Mailbag – The 30Something Single Professional Woman

Married Man Sex Life