The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Beware The Self-Fulfilling Prophesy

I recently got a call from my buddy, Mark the musician. He’s a regular reader of my blog and lives in South Florida. As he studies Red Pill wisdom, he’s very in tune with the reality of life, not the fantasy of life. Mark is very aware of physical appearance and his lifestyle. for better and worse. As a single guy in a high-profile profession – he plays bass in local and traveling bands – he’s often asked about his relationship status. He’s single and not currently dating anyone.

When asked about why he’s not dating anyone, Mark is too honest with his response. He freely admits that he’s short, bald (shaved head), 48 years old, and lives with his aging mother so he can help her out. He also admits that his job is music, not exactly a source of steady income. As he said during our phone conversation, he thinks logically about himself. This is the peril of masculine introspection. He knows too well his shortcomings.

“Men think logically and that includes thinking about himself” he accurately observed. This is amplified by adhering to Red Pill thought where direct honesty is far more important than stupidly unrealistic social expectations. This, however, presents a serious dilemma for men. We soundly criticize women for having a wildly unrealistic self-perception of attractiveness. Red Pill guys can go too far in the other direction regarding self-perception if they are too realistic. It comes to this: “I see too many unattractive, unchangeable things about me so women will never find me attractive”

Such realism can cause a self-fulfilling prophesy. There is nothing wrong with realism until it knocks down a guy’s confidence. This is exacerbated when certain elements of masculine attractiveness are beyond a man’s control. Height is the biggest example. Once a man hits a certain age, he’s not growing any more. The same applies to hair loss unless drastic measures are taken. But weight can be lost, social skills and confidence gained, and charisma learned.

A conventional, and accurate, tenet within Pickup Artistry (PUA) circles is “have irrational self-confidence”. This is easy for the dames because they think emotionally. A post-wall woman uses a mirror as a time machine to the past when her desirability was at its peak. She can do this because her emotions alter how she perceives herself. This, by the way, is a sub-species of the rationalization hamster. Men, being the kings for logic, reason, and realism look at the mirror and typically see their real selves, not some fantasy version thereof.

Such realism is good for masculine self-improvement because a man can see what needs improvement that can be improved. But the realism is a double-edged sword. It can be far too easy to evaluate one’s attractiveness in a negative light. This is horrible for a man’s confidence and is easily perceived by others, particularly women.

Thankfully, there is a cure. I give dating advice for women that can be applied to men but with a variation. For the woman, I advise that when she sees a man she finds at least one good thing about him. For a man, I advise that when he looks in the mirror he sees one good thing in himself, preferably more than one. If he sees something that can be fixed, he envisions that changes that must be made to himself, by himself, and for himself.

In Mark’s case, he does NOT resemble a typical late-40s guy. Through his occupation as a musician, he has cultivated a unique look that bespeaks youth, not middle-age. As well, his Red Pill attitude blesses him with the knowledge that he can work on the parts of himself that he can change. This includes leaning on the side irrational self-confidence.

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9 thoughts on “Beware The Self-Fulfilling Prophesy

  1. Pingback: Beware The Self-Fulfilling Prophesy |

  2. rugby11ljh on said:

    To oppose is to support

  3. I actually think this is great advice and strangely enough, advised a friend to do this a few years ago. What I didn’t anticipate was how self critical men can be. He couldn’t do more than glance at the mirror and say critical things. I figured that it was because I was there, and that I was making him self conscious . But I don’t know. I guess it was hard for me to believe that he could actually think that way about himself.

  4. Mark: I’m 5’6″, bald as a coot, and 48 years old. I got frivorced at 44 and thought I was never going to have sex again.

    I tell you the truth: I found the red pill (via Heartiste, before it went white supremacist) a couple of years ago, and since then I have NEVER had as much sex in my life. I have been flat out astonished at the difference my change in thinking made, and how desperate women are for a man who will lead them. This stuff is all in your head mate.

  5. I guess there’s not much I can do about being old either…

  6. Great post. Much truth.

  7. A woman finds an otherwise unattractive man with irrational self-confidence intriguing. A man finds an otherwise unattractive woman with irrational self-confidence annoying.

  8. Sometimes you need to switch from thinking that the cup is half-empty to the cup is half-full…

  9. Michael J Kilroy on said:

    OMG. My situation mirrors Marks, aside from occupation. I needed to hear something like this. I have it bookmarked to read again (and again and again, I think). Thank you.

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