The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for the post-divorce crowd

Archive for the category “The Collective Wisdom of Men”

How To Be A Good Presenter At Work

Speaking to an audience is a very scary experience. This is one reason that there are paid speakers to kick off an event. Those folks are the ones on stage, informing and entertaining an audience. They also have special skills that not every has, either naturally or trained.

But this is not about professional speaking. Those are advanced skills. This is for the average person who has to give a presentation during a meeting with clients or colleagues. It’s likely a presentation consisting of a dozen or so PowerPoint slides on a business topic. A status report or end of quarter re-cap of numbers is quite typical. A kick-off presentation for a new project is another common one.

I’m not going into the details of creating good PowerPoint presentations. There are plenty of online resources for that. What I’m talking about is when the presenter starts talking. From my experience, most PowerPoint presentations are given in conference rooms where the participants sit around a large table and the PowerPoint display (on a wall or other type of screen) is the focus of attention.

If there is only one presentation to give, it’s important that the presenter sits closest to the screen. This serves two functions. First, it allows the presenter to turn his head to face the participants. This part is incredibly important as I will explain below. Second, if the presenter is closer to the screen, the focus of the participants isn’t split too much. As an aside, it’s easier for the presenter to see the screen. Hey, our eyes are getting older and less strong! I speak from direct experience on this one.

If there a multiple presenters, the head of the meeting might just move around the table, letting each presenter do his or her thing. This presents a challenge to each presenter. A suggestion at the beginning of the meeting/presentation, someone should suggest a presenter’s chair. Of course, this might be not feasible because of cable length connection. The work around is for the presenter to direct someone else to advance the slides on whichever computer the PowerPoint file is accessed.

The purpose of a presentation is to convey information and most importantly, hold the attention of the participants. Without that attention, the information is not fully conveyed and, in effect, the presentation didn’t succeed. The source material is the responsibility of the presenter. How well that material is delivered is also the responsiblity of the presenter.

The most important way to hold someone’s attention is eye contact. This is why is so vital for the presenter to be close to the display screen. People’s attention too easily wanders when the screen is too far away from the presenter. This also means that the presenter can’t be staring solely at the display. So, the presenter must know his presentation well so he can look at the audience. One of the big mistakes that presenters make is to only look at one person. It is absolutely important that the presenter makes a point to look at all the people in the room at some point, preferably at many points during the presentation.

The second point of attention is the voice. The biggest complaint from presentation participants is that the presenter has a flat, monotone voice. This can be remedied by watching and copying actors deliver good dialog. This doesn’t mean being overly dramatic while delivering a presentation. It’s not a Shakespeare play, just some PowerPoint slides. Just learning when to pause and when to enunciate the correct words and phrases really serve to hold the participants’ attention and focus. I’ve written about voice control previously.

This helps with man’s overall attractiveness outside of work. Good presentation skills are often seen as good leadership skills. Ever seen a successful CEO speak? Most often, that CEO has a very excellent presence while speaking. That CEO started with ordinary presentations, back in the days of PowerPoint 1.0 (if there was such a thing).

Delivering good presentations builds confidence and subsequent leadership. These are serious attraction points in a man. These are also good for a man’s career or his entrepreneurial endeavors. Even post-divorce, these characteristics can be learned and practiced.

[Even you found this blog post to be useful, please consider being a supporter through my Patreon efforts, thanks!]

The War Between The Sexes

I’ve heard this expression often over the past couple of decades. This is the concept that men and women are involved in some type of conflict over ideology, politics, and interpersonal relationships. There is a lot truth to that. As is patently obvious, men and women are different. Such differences result in conflicts.

Yet, men and women want and need each other. Politics and ideology must be dismissed when it comes to interpersonal relationships ‘twixt the sexes. Such a dismissal would reduce the war between the sexes to something more manageable. Ideology and politics have no business in personal relationships. Social justice warriors (SJWs) keep on trying to insert ideology into personal relationships. That’s a huge source of conflict between the sexes.

I have huge pity for the younger generation that must deal with current ideological expectations vis a vis interpersonal relationships with the opposite sex. It has become very polarized but not one sex against the other. Rather, the sexes – male and female – are divided into separate camps, two groups of men, two groups of women. And such polarization is not age-dependent.

It works something like this… the two groups of men consist of those with confidence and charisma (learned or natural) and those without. One group is noticed by women, the other group is ignored by women. There are ways for women to actually notice those invisible men. But frankly, it’s up to men to be noticed. It can be learned and it can be accomplished. Here’s a good start: www.succeedsocially.com. Being invisible to women is what the majority of men must cope with.

As for women, the two camps are divided as well. One group of women wants to be “strong and independent”, in effect, more masculine. The other camp, the much smaller one, is all about being being feminine. It’s easy to observe the first camp of women, especially from online dating profiles. They describes themselves with masculine words. They also highlight their travels and other achievements that don’t raise her attractiveness to high value men. The feminine women are noticed by men.

Men looking to be more noticeable to women have to watch out for the vicious cycle of lies and misinformation.  This cycle has resulted in something of an psychological arms race where women up their masculinity because they believe (through projection) that men are attracted to masculine women. Guys have to then increase their masculinity even more.

This is an untenable cultural situation. Google up some Maureen Dowd to see how this end game plays out. No one is content except the top-flight Alpha guys who can play the field with a huge age range of women. The high achieving women – in a man’s world – limit more and more of their relationship options as they move up the capitalistic and educational food chain. My dating coach peer, Evan Marc Katz, deals with this constantly. . Another peer, Bobbi Palmer, also copes with this same problem.  Both of these dating coaches have all-female clients: high achieving single women looking to meet their relationship goals.

For guys, the takeaway is this: When doing online dating always look for more feminine profiles. Eschew profiles that use the code-words of bossy and domineering women.  For real life, pay attention to women who make an effort to appear feminine. They may not have perfect figures or faces, but femininity is profoundly alluring and such women almost demand your attention, even if a simple “hello” along with some honest eye contact.

For women, the advice is simple and blunt: Men are not attracted to masculine women. You dames know what to do.

The war between the sexes can easily be reduced to a minor skirmish.

What Men Want From Women – Repost

[Note: I posted this over three years ago.]

Deti, a regular commenter on a variety of blogs wrote this in a comment on the Haley’s Halo blog post last year. It’s quite the comment and worth reposting but with a title:

What men want from women:

We want you to celebrate with us when we’ve triumphed.
We want you to help us through when we’re down.
We want you to stay with us when we’re down.
We want you to not be constantly looking for a better model.
We want you to encourage us when things aren’t going well.
We want a simple, heartfelt “I love you” at the end of a tough day.
We want you to show us and tell us that we satisfy you sexually.
Wa want you to show us that we are still attractive to you physically.

A man NEVER gets tired of hearing from his woman how great she thinks he is. NEVER. You can’t say it enough. If you do say it, you will have his undying love.

He will work himself into an early grave at a job he hates for you and your children. He will gladly throw himself in front of speeding cars for you. He will gladly lay down his life for you. He will give you all he is, all he has, all his money, and all the resources he can bring to bear.

And all he asks in return is for tenderness, a pleasant disposition, physical affection at reasonable intervals, and that you stay with him.

Why is that so hard to figure out?

It’s hard for women to figure out because of the vicious circle of lies and misinformation and the thin social mist of misandry.

More good stuff from Deti, here.

Conversations – Poor, Ordinary, Good, Great

I’m talking about conversation between or amongst people. While driving back from an awesome mini-vacation on Key Largo (that’s Florida!) I got into an interesting conversation with the lovely woman who motivated that trip. She was talking about her friend, Becky. I make a point to listen to conversations between and amongst people. I also make a point to listen carefully to how others describe their friends’ conversational style. Verbal exchanges are a huge part of social skills.

Poor Conversation

In listening to the description of how Becky carries on a conversation, I was quickly reminded of the nature of a poor conversation. Becky only talks about her own experiences and her associated feelings. No one else matters in this type of conversation except the speaker. This unfortunate type of conversation is terribly unbalanced and selfish. There is no way to get a word in because the speaker simply doesn’t care about the other person’s words, feelings, or opinions.

Frankly, this is not conversation, it’s an extended soliloquy about the speaker’s experiences, feelings, and opinions. When the speaker is a woman, she’s selfish and uncaring. When the speaker is a man, he’s a damned blowhard . Men and women like this are solipsistic to a ridiculous degree. Such people are to be avoided. For my readers, note how you hold your conversations and what you are talking about. Is it completely solipsistic? Fix it through self-examination and introspection.

Ordinary (Polite) Conversation

We tend to talk about ourselves. This is human nature and it’s OK. The ordinary conversation is when two people take turns talking about themselves. There is usually some degree of empathy or sympathy to when the speaker is talking is talking about himself or herself. If there are subjects other than one’s self raised, the nature of the conversation sticks to polite, politically correct responses or statements. Ordinary conversation is about avoiding interpersonal conflict. This is a healthy cultural response in order to avoid potential conflicts. Just know that such types of conversation generally aren’t intellectually stimulating. A man can’t stand out from the crowd using just ordinary conversation.

Good Conversation

These are conversations that do not focus on the self, but on events outside of our individual experiences. Current news events or even celebrity gossip can fit in this conversational category. Such conversations are not as solipsistic as poor or ordinary conversations. Of course, there is discussion of one’s feelings or opinions about the topic at hand. A bunch of guys jaw-boning about sports is an example of good conversation. Women may find that topic uninteresting, but that’s OK. Men typically don’t find celebrity gossip particularly interesting. These types of conversations can be fun and have a degree of intellectual stimulation that goes way above poor and ordinary conversations.

Great Conversation

This is the category conversation that focuses on ideas. There is little in the way of selfish, solipsistic subject matter. One’s feelings or experiences matter far less than the logic and reason required to make an effective point, pro or con to the matter at hand. These type of conversations can be heated and political. But amongst intelligent people with emotional self-control, such a verbal exchange is intellectually healthy and vigorous. This category of conversation is also the most difficult to attain. It’s human nature to fall back a solipsistic conversational approach.

There is a bonus to having a great conversation. It’s an opportunity for a man to show some intellectual backbone as long as he’s not being a blowhard. The willingness to at least listen to an opposing intellectual concept is a serious mark of being intelligent. Equal with confidence, intelligence is an attraction point for women. That goes double for a guy who’s a great conversationalist

The take away for all my readers is this: Be keenly aware of what you are talking about when in a conversation. As well, be keenly aware of how the person (or people) respond to you. Are they reverting back to personal first person pronouns? That’s selfish but understandable. A guy has to make his own decisions regarding how a person responds and if he should continue the conversation.

Small Talk And Uber

I am a huge fan and a big consumer of Uber, the car and driver hire service.  If you don’t have Uber in your city, I really hope it gets there soon. My experience has been universally positive since I started using the service last August. Uber has made my life without personal transportation in South Florida completely possible. The cell phone app works very well and the costs are modest for me. That being said, surge pricing can make things more expensive. The rating system of drivers and riders is phenomenal.

I’m motivated to write about Uber because the company is threatening to pull out of Broward County over proposed measures that would effectively force Uber out of the county, as the company has threatened.  I really don’t want that to happen because I think I’ll be using Uber for years to come.

Politics aside, Uber is a great social opportunity. Chatting with the driver is a great time to flex your social skills. It’s purely idle chit chat, small talk at its smallest. There is no agenda except to be friendly. Here in South Florida, the Uber drivers are a very eclectic bunch representing many cultures and ages. Indeed, I’ve had several female Uber drivers. The woman from Bengladesh I’ve had drive me several times. Her brother-in-law is also an Uber driver and he’s driven me, as well.

I always attempt to verbally engage the Uber driver. Sometimes it’s challenging because of accents and language issues but I really make a serious effort. Talking to people from other cultures and who’s native language is not English is a great conversational challenge. I’ve got a standard opening for Uber drivers, “So, how is Uber working for you?” The answer is always polite but it’s a great opening question. Showing interest in another person, even a complete stranger, is a very charismatic social skill. People love to talk about themselves and the stories from all these Uber drivers has been riveting for me.

I know a lot of guys bitch and moan about “small talk” and how they loathe it. That attitude gets neither pity nor understanding from me. Small talk is the both the social glue and social lubrication that keep us human and not degenerating into savagery. Small talk is what gets people talking. Small talk is how men can approach women without being a blowhard.  Small talk is a phenomenal opportunity to be witty and charismatic. And with an Uber ride (always sit up front), there’s a fully functioning adult right next to you who probably wants some small talk, too.

Why I Do This

I recently watched a very interesting video from Rollo.

He asks the question, “why bother”?

I ask myself the same question. I started blogging from a selfish point of view. I acknowledge that. My blog has been both a benefit and a detraction from my life. I’ve lost girlfriends over what I write. The last one hurt the most. But I stay true to my words and ideas. A man must be true to himself, regardless of how that affects his relationship with women. Frank Sinatra had a great song about it, “I Did It My Way

Hypergamy is the one word that made me understand how the relationship ‘twixt the sexes really works. Women loathe that word. They loathe that word with a white-hot passion. They loathe that word because they know it’s the truth despite what modern social expectations attempt to dictate. It’s that one word that keeps me writing and sharing wisdom. It’s that word is why I do this, blogging.

I very recently read a quote from Tom Leykis.

“I’d rather live in a one bedroom apartment than take orders from some bitch.”

It’s a savagely ugly quote. It also speaks honest truths. A man who takes orders from a woman is not a man. If he does, he’s an obsequious and supplicating doormat unworthy of respect from anyone. He’s worthless.

A man must be independent. He must live for himself, never taking orders from a woman who is only concerned for herself. This is where the irony kicks in. If a man responds to orders from a woman, his attractiveness to her dies. Sure, she might say good words to him and to her friends but the end result is loss of respect for him. Guys, when a woman tells you what to do, always say no. Always. The resulting verbal shit storm will be awesome. The resulting respect and passion will be so much more.

This is why I blog. I want to share solid and truthful information about how humans behave. We’re predictable. We’re not special snowflakes. Every word, every action, everything we do can be predicted because we’re dealing with homo sapiens. To deny that is to wallow in the deep morass of unhappiness predicated on the special snowflake concept.

Here’s another Sinatra song that I really like. It speaks to the phases of a man’s life. And the accompanying music is phenomenal. Suck it, Beethoven.

 

Two Recent Interviews With Me (Podcasts)

There are two recent podcasts where I was interviewed. The first interview was by Dom Torres , a young blogger and traveller. It’s just over an hour and covers a wide range of topics and I also talk about my own life. Do note that I got the chronology of my early-twenties life a bit wrong but the other facts are accurate. It’s interesting to note that Dom did the interview via Skype from Uganda. He’s definitely a world traveler. Africa is the one continent I have never visited. I give Dom serious respect for his African travels.

The full URL is here:

http://dom-torres.com/2015/04/07/hangover-radio-ep-15-an-interview-with-the-private-man/

He’s got some other interviews, several with porn stars if you’re into that kind of thing. He’s a good cat.

The next podcast interview was with Christian McQueen . He’s quite well known in the Manosphere and is not without controversy. Regardless, he interviewed me for two full hours with many, many subjects covered. Including charisma, lessons for younger men, cultural commentary about gender, and even stories about my dog. There’s also a section where I talk candidly about my cancer.

I’ve gotten a great review of that interview:

O man ‘The Private Man’ is fucking hilarious. His voice is capturing and the way he describes things is hysterical. Great interview.

There is one important caveat with McQueen’s interview. It’s premium content and therefore you have to pay. If you do elect to pay, do know that I’m not making one penny from that. Here’s the full URL:

http://amanindemandradio.podbean.com/e/episode-4-the-private-man-interview/

If you don’t want to pay, that’s fine and I understand.

I do love talking about Red Pill issues it’s just such topics are loathed by the mainstream media and the general population of civilians. I’ve offered myself up for other interviews and maybe I’ll get a call from some media outlet outside of the Manosphere.

What Does She Offer?

Through the miracle of Twitter, I was linked to this article:

Here’s the full transcript. My comments are at the bottom

For many single women over 50, the idea of dating creates angst, frustration, and confusion. But as a dating coach for women, I’m here to tell you, “Please don’t fret!”

The truth is— those 20-something gals have nothing on you when it comes to dating prowess. Surprised to hear me say that? Don’t be! Here’s five pretty fantastic reasons why dating over 50 is actually light years better than in your 20s.
So, let go of those false notions that you’re behind the game in any way. Ladies, it’s time to enjoy the dating process and realize that your love destiny is as bright and beautiful as you are. And knowing that makes all the difference because, as you can imagine, your outlook on men and dating is a huge factor in your experience and results.

Here are the five reasons dating over 50 is where it’s at:

1. At 50, you know who you are.

Today, you approach dating with a wealth of life knowledge. You no longer wonder who you are, as you might have in your 20s. Stop and take note of this and give yourself a chance to feel empowered by it.

According to WebMD, women over 50 feel more self-assured, know what they like (and don’t like), and trust themselves more. That’s the benefit of life experience—greater confidence. No, this doesn’t mean you have it all figured out, but you’ve been there and done that so you can now be yourself and enjoy.

Did you feel that way at 22? I doubt it. Back then you were still “finding yourself”, endlessly comparing yourself to others and worrying about what people thought. Confidence was hard to come by. You had to try things to discover your preferences, which meant you probably learned some hard lessons.

The benefits of this experience a 50 are remarkable. Now, apply that wonderful life knowledge and confidence to dating! You know what you like about men and relationships, and what you don’t. Let that be your guide as you start meeting men and dating.

2. You have no desire to start a family.

So much freedom comes with no longer hearing the tick-tock of your biological clock. You’re past having kids, and if you do have children, they’re older and need less of your time.

In your 20s you were looking for a man you could start a family with. Your criteria for a mate was much different, seeking a guy who could be a good provider and father. Later in your 20s, the clock ticked louder, which put pressure on you to make choices in partners that maybe weren’t the best.

Now you are either free from most child-rearing duties, or completely finished. Congratulations! Fighting with a potential partner about parenting approaches is not an issue any longer. And you don’t need a pick a man based on his potential as a father. In truth, many women in their 50s no longer need a man to act as a provider either because they are financially independent.

This means, now you can focus on having fun! You have the freedom to choose a man because he knows how to enjoy life and is ready to share that with you. Sounds good, right?

3. You have relationship experience.

Reaching your 50s, you’ve been married or you’ve been in relationships, so you’ve acquired the communication skills to handle issues that crop up (you’re also mature enough to know issues DO crop up as part of healthy, normal relationships). Now, you’re no longer afraid to speak up because you’ve seen things can and do work out. Calm conversations, logical thinking, and giving each other a chance to express concerns leads to working through problems successfully.

Remember your first fight with a boyfriend in your 20s? That was an insane amount of drama! You made mistakes, said the wrong thing, stormed out of the room, and worse. You had little knowledge of how to discuss a situation calmly, make your point fairly, or compromise.

When dating over 50, you know what type of behavior is unacceptable, how to resolve problems, and when it’s smart to compromise to get back to the pleasure of his company. That experience makes all the difference. Apply that wisdom to dating and finding love this time around. There’s no guarantee of perpetual bliss, but love is fabulous after 50.

4. You don’t need him to “put a ring on it.”

Many women over 50 married at least once, so you’ve likely already walked down the aisle and had the big wedding. Now, getting married isn’t such a pressing need. Many divorced people over 50 don’t want to marry again, even though they do want a long-term, committed relationship. You are free to choose.

Being family-minded in your 20s, marriage was vitally important. Your friends got engaged left and right and you started to feel out of the loop if you weren’t going in the same direction.

At 50, the pressure is off. You can “live together apart”, live together, or get married. This opens a world of options to connect with men. Of course, you can still choose to marry, but that’s entirely up to you. I’m not at all trying to dissuade you. But when you don’t marry, you avoid legal battles in the event things don’t work out and retain a measure of freedom in your relationship if you want that.

5. Men over 50 are more tender.

Not only have you improved with age, but so have the men. Dr. Joel Block—sex therapist and author of Sex Over 50—claims men over 50 are “more tender.” Apparently, as men age they get more comfortable with intimacy and can become nurturing. As people age they grow wiser and fine-tune their relationship skills.

Back in your 20s, do you remember men being nurturing, tender, or wise about women and their needs? Well, maybe a few were, but for the most part—both genders are just muddling their way through the confusing maze of dating and relationships.

So, you see, ladies—the chances of finding a man who understands you are better than ever over 50.

You can meet a man who is more caring and wants to make love work … without stressing about finding a provider, rushing to the altar, or getting pregnant. You know yourself and what works for you. This is ideal for dating and finding love after 50.

But you must make yourself available so the right guy can find you!

Trouble is, men can’t find you unless you put yourself out there. It’s time to socialize, get online, and have friends and family fix you up. Learn about how dating works today and then move forward with confidence, because honey, you are still a great catch and there’s a man out there who will be so lucky to find you.

Are you a single woman over 40 who is ready to start dating or dating but not meeting the right men? Get the proven dating advice you need from a dating coach who specializes in helping women over 40 with loads of success stories. Download my free book: [Redacted] so you can avoid heartbreaking missteps on your way to finding the magic of love.

The author of this article clearly has something to sell, and when dealing with dating coaches for the post-divorce crowd, always follow the money. It matters little if their information is true and accurate – if they can make a few thousand bucks giving out advice, then it’s considered a success. For women, this article is feel-good pablum. Actually, it is criminally bad feel-good pablum.

A post-50, post-divorce woman must bring something to the relationship table that a man wants. If she’s not prepared for that, then she is not ready for dating. Here’s the reality: A 50-something Prince Charming is dating 30-somethings and the sooner a 50-something woman realizes that’s her competition, the sooner she’ll be successful in realizing her relationship goals. She can loudly and proudly (“I’ll never settle!”) take herself out of the dating market, that’s her option. Attractive men do what they want with whom they want no matter how a 50-something woman “feels”.

A Man’s “Edge” Factor

So many times I have read this in a woman’s online dating profile:

“I’m looking for a nice guy with an edge.”

#Facepalm with the tired cliche but I’ll run with it.

This should actually read:

“I’m attracted [want to have sex with] to a guy with an edge who also happens to be nice to me but not everyone else because of his edge.”

There are two things going on here. The first is the “edge”. This is woman-speak for bad boy. Here are some of the things that give a man the edge, some are age-related (in no particular order):

  • Tattoos (really?! Yeah, really. #facepalm)
  • Motorcycles (or, insert any dangerous motorsports activity here but motorcycles are best)
  • Willingness to take risks – physical or financial – NOT emotional
  • Masculine emotional intensity (think the brooding and aloof creative artist, not the overly sensitive guys too willing to be in touch with their feminine side)
  • Muscles… very obvious muscles (says the guy with the arms of a gibbon)
  • Outcome independence
  •  Ability to overcome adversity (says the guy with an eyeball lost to cancer and still going on with life. Yeah, boasting. Top that, motherfuckers!)
  • Attractiveness to other women
  • Social confidence in any situation

Hell, here is another list that speaks verily to this.

Note that money and affluence don’t necessarily make for a man’s edge. Such things are about security for a woman and not necessarily about a man’s attractiveness. But do bear in mind that women too easily conflate security with attractiveness. They can’t help themselves in this regard, it’s wired into their DNA. This goes especially for post-divorce women who have not prepared for the future.

If a man with money and affluence yet lacks that “edge”, he is merely buying a woman with gifts, trips, and her ability to brag to her friends about how “generous” he is. This is particularly pronounced here in South Florida but is manifested in different ways in different cities. South Florida is not Kansas City and I know this.

A man must develop his edge. Such development must be done for himself, not merely to attract the dames. Women aren’t stupid, they know when a man is working on himself solely to please them. That kind of thing is supplication, pure and simple. Women despise that.

Ladies, Compliment Him

As many of my readers know, I’m on Twitter. I follow over 1,000 accounts, including many dating coaches. One of my favorites is Bobbi Palmer, based in California. She wrote in a 2012 blog post,  “10 Tips for Talking to Men

Number seven is particularly relevant here.

7.   Compliment him.
I bet you do this with just about every woman you meet. Men love to be complimented, yet women rarely do it. Be the gal who tells him he picked a great restaurant, looks hot in his black jacket or cracked a great joke. Tell him you 100% agree with something he says. Complimenting men on their mind and wit is usually far better received that doing so on their appearance. [Especially at our age!]

I thenTweeted about that:

Men love to be complimented yet so few women do it. #facepalm #dating

I got some good follow ups from that, this from :

it’s always struck me as odd how miserly women can be with compliments

Here’s a Tweet from very cool Twitter follower,

Gave my best male friend a series of compliments last night on phone, no reason. He was totally stunned.

Yup, men aren’t used to such things. I know that Mina was genuine with her compliments and I’m positive that she’s positively effusive when gives her husband compliments.

I can speak from experience on this. The women I became the most drawn to and most emotionally invested with are the ones who willingly and happily gave me compliments. That made me feel good. The others, I can’t even remember their names at this point. Guys, look at it this way, she may kiss you and sex you up, but if she’s not complimenting you in any way, she’s simply not into you.

Consider these two post-coital phrases uttered by the dame:

“That was wonderful!”

“You are wonderful!”

There’s a huge difference there and men must know the difference. The first phrase is about her. The second phrase is about him. That second phrase, my dear readers, is what men should be looking for regarding something long term – if that’s what you want.

Rollo, from The Rational Male blog (and books), had a very interesting Tweet that somewhat disagreed with my about compliments assertion.

“Compliments = IOIs [Indicators Of her Interest in the man). 80%+ of men are Betas, thus compliments are a rare. Can’t have Betas get the wrong ideas.”

I definitely see his point. It’s true that women are only attracted to the top 10% of men. Consider the Fuck, Marry, Kill game. If complimenting that top 10% gets a lady what she wants, why bother with the rest?

The problem with this is age. That game is great for 20 and 30 somethings. Once the Rubicon of 45ish is passed, everything changes. That middle group of “marry” starts looking a whole lot more attractive. But if a woman is only used to complimenting the top 10%, that yellow category gets rather jaundiced. Worse, they learn to become middle aged Lotharios or simply vanish from the dating scene because of social isolation. Women do the same, unaware that a simple and pleasant compliment to a man can do wonders for him. Remember this?

That total stranger’s random compliment to me then motivated me to blog about it. It was a completely and brief encounter that I still remember after over three years. I’d still recognize that woman even now. She had some serious woman-game going on.

What’s wrong with reinforcing a man’s confidence through a compliment? Women adore confident men. The compliment is the opposite of the shit test where a woman tests the mans adversity by artificially creating that adversity by herself. Ladies, we’re post divorce now. You’re too old for that terrible emotional fuckery you perpetrated before things got, well, older. You know exactly what I mean.

However, a compliment to a man isn’t always genuine, some men know this. The first conundrum lies in the exploitation problem. A woman may compliment you merely because she wants something from you other than romance and intimacy. Rather the compliment is awfully disingenuous collection of words meant has barely hid emotional manipulation. White Knights are incredibly susceptible to this. “Oh, Brad, you’re so strong and I really need help moving this weekend.” Brad, the fucking moron, finds himself walking up and down three flights of stairs with heavy furniture and boxes, all for a manipulative compliment while his desire for intimacy is selfishing exploited by cupcake.

All is not lost, thankfully. Another form of compliment is spontaneous and genuine physical affection with a man. It doesn’t have to be a night of wild passions, in can be a simple manner of holding his thigh when you’re sitting with him at a restaurant. Better yet, a spontaneous – even if brief – kiss on the lips will do it. Ladies, compliment your attraction to him by being physically affectionate to him. This ain’t rocket science. Human beings are predictable.

The second conundrum is the man can’t ask for such compliments, especially through passive means.  If a guy’s been on a 5th or 6th with a woman where there is clearly mutual attraction and vibrant (if only potentially for now, sexuality), he still has to maintain his frame. “So what do you like about me?” is the question a woman asks, never a man. Such a question from a man kills the ladyboner faster than his impending layoff from work. A confident man makes statements. “I know why you like dating and I know you’re going to tell me in the next five minutes.” Her answer might be something like, “you’re an arrogant jerk!”. But all the while she’s massaging your thigh and smirking. The smirk and thigh rub were the response, you bonehead! Actions over words.

In conclusion, women must stop being so miserly with their compliments towards men, especially in the context of attraction and dating. Ladies, a compliment won’t lead to an awkward rejection later on, especially if you’ve decided to a good guy. There are zillions of them out there, they’re just invisible to you. Thankfully, I have a cure for that.

Post Navigation

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 3,235 other followers