The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for the post-divorce crowd

Archive for the category “The Collective Wisdom of Men”

Middle-Aged Women And The Invisibility Factor

I recently read this opinion piece in The Guardian, a UK-based newspaper/website. It was posted in an odd category, “Online dating Mid-life ex-wife” The author of the piece, writing under a pseudonym, bemoans her invisibility to whom she calls “silver foxes”, guys in their fifties who still have it together in terms of looks

Here’s a salient paragraph:

There seems to be a gender imbalance, vis-a-vis the packaging thing. All the women I know are tolerant of middle age showing itself in a chap. We quite like a late flowering, in fact: the silvering, the smile lines, the coming of bodily sturdiness. We read these as signs that life has been lived and enjoyed. We read them as indicators of substance, of being substantial. In general, men don’t seem to grant us the same courtesy, at least not the men I meet online. They are highly focused on the packaging. It’s disheartening.

This is good news for guys in general. This is good news especially for guys who haven’t strapped 30 pounds of stomach fat above the belt line and who also have at least a modicum of charisma. I know personally what weight loss can do. I also know that charisma is a huge part of being attractive to women.

The author of the piece is very unhappy that men in her demographic aren’t looking at her, they look at much younger women. Well, duh.

Here’s another salient paragraph where the author asks a question to a male friend and he responds accurately:

These are just facts. Men like youth. They like long hair. They like colour. They like slender, as well. Sorry. You’re going to have to lose weight and grow your hair and wear red if you want the silver foxes to see you.

The question is, should I be prepared to change?

Change. There’s the ugly word from the whole story. We Manosphere men encourage self- improvement.

Masculine self-improvement is change. Sadly, when a guy has the audacity to recommend a woman lose weight and grow her hair, it’s usually perceived as a threat and the response from a middle-aged woman is often anger. As we get older, so much changes. What we wore and how we looked from our 20s is hugely different. Women get fat, men lose hair. This shit happens. The author of the above article is having a very difficult with recognizing that those silver foxes don’t notice her because of the changes that come with aging. The question for her is, “how many ordinary men have YOU looked at as you are out and about?”

Yeah, thought so. Change is inevitable.

If a woman in her 50s has been good with her body and her mind, she will get noticed. If she eschews those awful, “comfortable” outfits and makes an attempt at dressing herself to look more attractive, she will get some admiring looks. Being comfortable is a terrible and selfish excuse when being in public. I see that in both men and women. It’s revolting. When I want to draw attention to myself, I dress the part. But no fuzzy hats! For a man, it’s simply a matter of dressing one level up from the rest of the guys.

After an interesting Twitter exchange with the author, she made it clear that she doesn’t want my advice. That’s her choice. She also has to understand that her actions have consequences. Being unwilling to change and adapt to her current demographic landscape means she won’t meet her relationship goals.

However, I was rather flattered that she reads my blog and has been for quite some time. Noice! Stella, you’re a peach! You’re flawed and unyielding, but a peach nonetheless. If you weren’t across the pond, I’d have a date with you. Better yet, have The Guardian fund a trip over here to South Florida. The weather must be awful over there right now. We could go to the beach.

[Update: The author of the column blocked my Twitter account. Lulz!]

Guys, Don’t Be A Blowhard

I’m often in public company, whether just walking in the village, attending a social event, or having a cold beverage at one of the several outdoor places here in the village. I like to listen to people have conversation and watch the social interactions amongst a generally middle-aged crowd.  For the most part, people are happy and civil. However, there’s always an exception. It’s the voice of the blowhard: (From Merriam-Webster)

a person who talks too much and who has strong opinions that other people dislike

In my part of the world, there is inevitably a guy over 45 with right-of-center political views. Given any opportunity he will make a loud, ill-informed (always) statement. It’s so loud and so ill-informed that he only serves to embarrass himself. It’s not attractive. Imagine a blowhard at a singles event. He’s offputting. He harshes the mellow. He is borderline offensive.

It’s OK to be an online blowhard. Hell, I’ve been accused of that enough times. But real life is a very different matter.  What happens online is not real life.

The blowhard lacks emotional self-control, a trait in men that is equally nasty as the same in women. I recognize the blowhard because I have to be careful not to be one. When I’m in public – and, shudder, on dates – I tend to talk too much about Red Pill ideas. Such notions sometimes don’t go over well and it takes a lot of my psychic energy to select my words very, very carefully. Men should always be careful about how they speak.

Being a blowhard is also related to being ready for dating. If a guy is compelled to talk about an ex on a first date, he’s not ready for dating. Likewise, if he feels compelled to talk about his political ideology on a first date, he’s not ready for dating. If a man can talk about something that encompasses different points of view, that means he’s intelligent and thoughtful about a particular subject. That’s very attractive to women. Intelligence is a turn-on.

I understand that making authoritative statements can make a woman swoon. But the massive caveat is that those statements must be about something she can relate to, not something that she has no interest in. As well, the know-it-all who loudly interjects a verbal opinion is not a confident maneuver. It’s an obnoxious maneuver.

There are too many guys that I would like to smack upside the head for being blowhards. But I won’t. I’ll focus on how I deliver my own opinions, not on the failures of how other men deliver theirs.

The Sexiest Part Of A Man’s Body

Note: Several twitter account links are included because I likes me some Twitter. Get yourselves some Twitter and follow me… @man_private

I follow about 1,100 accounts on Twitter. There’s a lot of political and cultural chatter that I take an interest in but rarely re-tweet or respond to with my own tweet(s). I do actively follow younger PUA (Pick Up Artist) guys because some of them are quite good at distilling solid attractive advice for men into cogent tweets. Here’s a great example from BE A PICKUP ARTIST;) @PUA_DATING_TIPS:

Pushovers are wussy, betas who don’t believe they deserve better treatment. GROW A SPINE. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF (with this photo attached).

Doormat

Scoundrel ‏@ScoundrelBlog Responded with:

What’s the sexiest part of a man’s body?

His spine!

This, in spades. A man’s figurative backbone is the foundation of his confidence. Without that confidence, his attractiveness to women is at its nadir. Do note that I’m not a big fan of the whole alpha/beta binary. Masculine attractiveness is on a scale and is also contextual based on the current social situation, even unrelated to being attractive to women.

This twitter interchange brings us over to the world of professional dating coaches. Bobbi Palmer ‏@BobbiPal – who’s customer base is 100% women – asks:

What is one thing that a man can do that would totally surprise you in today’s world?

My response was this:

Show some backbone. The sexiest part of a man’s body is his spine.

Yes, she was asking that of her overwhelmingly female twitter following but I couldn’t resist because Bobbi is a clever person and knows good information when she reads it.

This is all theory for many guys, I know. Theory without practical steps is useless. So, here are some concrete steps for a man to follow. Yes, I covered this before but it always bears repeating.

  1. Never ask for a date. State that you will have the date. “I’m enjoying this conversation/correspondence, we’re going to have a date.” The follow-up to that is that you plan and execute the date. Don’t make it fancy! Spending so much money on the first date is too much of a risk, for the man and woman alike.
  2. Stand up straight, look the part, and dress one level up from all the other guys. This is not that difficult. Post-divorce guys can easily adopt a classic, masculine style of dress without looking like a fey hipster. In fact, any man over a certain age shouldn’t be trying to dress like some 20-something unless it’s a classic look. As well, men over a certain tend to be heavier and must dress to deal with that. It sickens me to see middle-age guys dress like slobs because it’s “comfortable”. Hell, it sickens me even more to women dress like for the same stupid rationalization.
  3. Work on social skills. The first part of this is actually leaving the house and having an enthusiasm that actually involves being social. This does not mean hanging out in the local dive bar or hanging out at the local lodge. This means getting out of one’s social comfort zone occasionally and then having action social interactions with new people. Keep the politics out of such conversations. If you’re perceived as being a an uninformed political blowhard, you’re relationship goals will never be met. And, I’ll track you down and bitch slap you. If you have a political opinion, just shut up about it in public.
  4. Learn some charisma. This is the hard part. This requires being clever verbally and understanding how a conversation ebbs and flows. There are no easy lessons for this except practice, practice, practice. Even us older guys can figure this out. But see the previous listing as a start. As well, watching ordinary TV sit-coms is a good way to see witty social interplay in action. Note the pacing and inflection in the voices. Emulate that. Back to point one, a man willing to dress better than all the other guys around him is a clear and obvious statement of confidence.

About A Woman’s Online Dating Profile Photos

Guys, when a woman posts her online dating profile photos, be keenly aware of the context of those photos. Too often, men focus on just the woman in the photo. That’s perfectly natural. It’s important that men look at the context of those photos. Perhaps it’s a girls night out. Perhaps it’s a cropped photo (cropping out the previous man) at a social event. Often, it’s a photo of her in an environment she is used to or one she aspires to again based on her past.

Watch out for a woman in a glamorous context or in an adventuresome exotic context. Here’s the breakdown:

  • The Glamorous Context – She’s wearing a sexy going-out dress and she’s posed in front of a fancy place or at a fancy social event. If that’s what you’re into, perfect. But if you’re not into such things, be careful because the photos are telling you what she expects or what she wants. Here in South Florida, that includes photos of her while she’s reclining in the back of a large pleasure boat. The swimsuit looks grand. The boat is grand also. She’s got a friend or former lover who supplies that fancy boat. She won’t accept less in the future because of hypergamy and bragging rights to her friends.

Here’s an example. Note the yacht in the background. I think the single one is on the right…wait on the left. Damn, I don’t know. But she’s 53 with kids over 18. Yeah, she’s the one of the left. I think.

Glamorous

  • The Adventuresome Context – This is the photo of her with the backdrop of Machu Picchu, the Grand Canyon, or zip-lining through the jungle. Again, if you’re into such things, perfect. This comes to expectations again. She will expect the same kinds of adventures with you in the future. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that unless you’re a guy who isn’t into that. There is also the issue of who supports those adventures. Perhaps the previous boyfriend or husband ponied up the dough. Maybe she had the resources to do it. No matter, if she’s got a new man, the expectation is that he pays for a lot of the future adventures. That’s especially true of warm climate women showing photos of herself snow skiing, an alarmingly expensive activity.

If you’re an ordinary, middle-aged fellow worrying about a job, child support, a mortgage, and the rest of life’s ordinary complications, be very attuned to a woman’s glamorous or adventuresome photos. She’s telling you with actions what her relationship expectations are. The best photos are of her at home, with pets, or with family. This how life works. Most women aren’t at fancy events or prowling the world looking for adventure.
Most women – and men – are dealing with the mundane realities of living day-to-day. Those realities are generally neither glamorous nor adventuresome. They are real and equally respectable. I’m reminded of my brother who raised two daughters by himself.

I understand the dilemma women face when posting up online dating profile photos. Being at a fancy event or doing something adventuresome invites a photo op. She’s proud of such things, much like a man holding up a fish he’s just caught (that’s a South Florida thing). Men and women are different so they each have different definitions of accomplishment and the photos that go along with it. Women have photos of themselves at a gala fundraiser, men have photos of themselves holding a fish. It’s the exact same thing, an accomplishment for each sex.

If you like these kinds of posts, please hit the Donate button at the top of this page. Thanks.

Should I Do The Patreon Thing?

What is Patreon, you ask? Here’s the Wikipedia description:

“Artists set up a page on the Patreon website, where patrons can pledge to donate a given amount of money to an artist every time she or he creates a piece of art, optionally setting a monthly maximum. Alternatively a fixed monthly amount can be pledged. This is different from other crowdfunding platforms like Kickstarter, where artists obtain a single sum after a successful campaign and typically have to start over for every new piece.”

I’m not an artist. I’m a middle-aged, single guy with good attraction and dating information and an enthusiasm to share that information. I am definitely not a relationship adviser. I leave that to others.

What would I do with this Patreon endeavor?

1. Keep up with my blog much more regularly to serve an underserved market – solid and factual information regarding attraction and dating for post-divorce singles, especially men. What I’ve found is that donations motivate me. I guess that makes me a capitalist. The horror!

2. Expand the ways of how I deliver information. Blogging is just words and images. But videos and podcasts are a way in which many receive information. I would like to expand into those mediums. Producing such media is very time-consuming and not without expense. There is also the option of live video chats/presentations. Such content would only be available to patrons.

3. Be more available to speak directly to my audience. This is very rewarding for me but with a full-time job, I don’t have that much time. It’s frustrating for me because so many people need so much help. Dating coaches are expensive. A patron would get solid advice but without the immediate costs of a dating coach.

4. Go on more dates. This is the weird part but please bear with me. Having the time and resources to go out on simple dates is a serious part of my research. If I have the additional time, I can go on additional dates. This is about learning as much as possible about how attraction and dating works. At my age, dating is not about seduction. It’s about determining attraction and moving on to the next phase, more dates. Once again, I am not focusing on relationships.

Of course there is the donate button on my blog and I’m extremely grateful for the donations. Yet a steady stream of income would be more stable and allow me more time to devote to what I obviously love. I lead a simple and humble life that doesn’t require much regarding financial resources.  I’m not selling a book nor am I selling coaching services. I’ve found that many Red Pill bloggers and websites have to spend too much time marketing. I’m not a marketing guy. I’m just a guy with good information with a desire to spread it as efficiently as possible.

My blogging history is long. After four years, over two million page views, and almost 500 blog posts, it’s clear that I’m not going away. Hell, the cancer might kill me and that would be part of blog, albeit a minor one. Attraction and dating advice for post-divorce singles is my focus. I want to be able to maintain that focus.

Such a Patreon effort might attract controversy. I’m a unapologetic Red Pill and Manosphere guy and that approach to life has garnered serious criticism all across the ‘Net and in the mainstream media. I simply don’t care. What I care about is that post-divorce singles meet their relationship goals. This would be the first Red Pill Patreon effort. Bring on the criticism, I can take it.

I invite the input of my readers, either via email or via comments.  What say you about Patreon and me?

“Not interested in your car, boat, motorcycle…”

This is an actual headline in a woman’s online dating profile. This particular woman – from Plenty of Fish here in South Florida – has been doing online dating for several years. I know this because I checked my notes from 2012. I had indeed sent her a message and it was read and deleted. That’s fine, everyone has preferences regarding the opposite sex and I obviously didn’t match her preferences.

In her current profile, she states that she’s 50 years old. While her headline is rather negative, her text description is fairly generic. She states her music preferences and only uses one sentence stating her desires in a man. She never states what she offers to a potential paramour. At least she doesn’t have a list of requirements that are completely unrealistic. There is one line that stands out:

“…like me for my mind, not my body…play with my body, not my mind…”

Hmmm. Based on her profile headline and that particular line, it’s pretty easy to figure what has happened with her online dating experience since 2012.

1. She did indeed date a man (or men) with a fancy car, boat, and motorcycle. This is South Florida. Men with such fancy stuff can easily attract women because such stuff requires financial resources. These men promise a relationship but never make it happen. I’ve met many women over 45 here who complain bitterly about this.

2. After “dating” these type of guys and not reaching her relationship goals, she is attempting to push the dating pedumlum in another direction. She does state in her profile that she wants a long-term relationship. As well, she’s fairly attractive and her photos show it.

3. She’s still up for some sexual action: “play with my body, not my mind”. That’s cool, it’s her desire and it’s perfectly valid. She’s willing to sex up the affluent man and still commit to a man who doesn’t have quite the source of material things. Alpha fucks, beta bucks?

4. One of her interests is snow skiing. Living in South Florida, that means trips up north or out west. That takes some resources. She’s in “customer service” with “some college” so it’s clearly up to the man to fund such trips.

For men doing the online dating thing, it’s incredibly important to read between the lines. Please don’t simply look at photos and hope for the best. Read every word in the profile. Analyze those words carefully. The advantage of online dating is that the words are relatively permanent. Things get complicated when attending a live singles event where the words from women emerge quickly. Thankfully, actions speak louder than words.

I’m going to send her a message through Plenty of Fish. I will update as warranted. I won’t mention this blog post.

Valentine’s Day 2015 – A Rant

Valentine’s Day is a horrible, wretched day. It’s a shit test for men on a corporate scale. It’s a day when men are strong-armed into being mind-readers in order to buy the perfect gift. It’s a day when greedy restauranteurs and florists exploit weak and feckless men into throwing away perfectly good cash in order to satisfy a manufactured need. Up yours, Hallmark. Screw you, fancy eatery. It gets worse, one of my local realtors is imploring men to buy cupcake a freakin’ condo for Valentine’s day!
Valentine1
It’s the day where vulnerable women can boast to their friends about the largesse bestowed upon them by weak and simple boyfriends and husbands. If the poor, stupid fellow didn’t get the right gift, he’s excoriated by her mob of estrogen. Worse, if he has to ask in advance what gift that cupcake desires, he’s excoriated by her for not automatically knowing her wants and needs. Worse, if he does get the perfect gift, the back of her mind is saying “what a wuss and a doormat”. Valentine’s day is a no-win situation for a man.

A man must simply ignore Valentine’s day. There should be no gifts, not even a slight recognition that the day even exists. A man shows his love in so many other and varied ways throughout the course of the year. If he bows down to the corporate will of Hallmark, he’s bowing down, supplicating himself to the faceless corporations that only seek to profit from his pathetic weakness.

If the man’s wife or girlfriend pitches a royal hissy fit, then the man can simply state he’s looking to the Japanese and Korean model of Valentine’s day. In those cultures, the woman give the man gifts and he has to do little or nothing until the next month. For this, I like those cultures. They understand the value of men in the context of a romantic, intimate relationship. Not so much here where Valentine’s day is a huge romantic landmine for men where just venturing into the minefield means he comes out the loser.

Marc Rudov has, in the past, made some publicity hay about boycotting Valentine’s day. I like that. He called it quite well and was willing to state it publicly on TV. His opposite made quite the stink but all his points are correct. He also brought in the concept of chivalry and how it’s dead. Go on ya, Marc! In conclusion, I hope that all my guy readers take this message to heart. Don’t even boycott it, just ignore Valentine’s day… completely and utterly.

Online Dating – The Validation Queen

I’ve been doing online dating for over a decade, off and on.  I’ve read thousands of profiles, male and female alike. I have sent out hundreds and hundreds of messages to single women with online dating profiles. My response rate, as for most men, is relatively low. This, I can accept. But the most frustrating element is the “validation queen”. It works something like this:

The outgoing message: [Clever opening, short message, call to action]

Her response: Thanks so much, I like your profile.

The response:  Glad you liked it, we should actually meet. The purpose of online dating is to stop online dating.

Her response: [Radio silence]

This happens often. Sometimes, there might be another digital interchange and a phone number is offered up for a text or phone call. The text or call never happens. WTF?! Congrats, you’ve found a validation queen. Before my readers get all annoyed, I can only say, relax. Validation queens are common and must be expected. Perhaps she reconnected with an old boyfriend in the interim. Maybe she simply chickened out of online dating. The emotionally healthy response is to just move on. Blocking such a dame is also recommended. Men should not waste their time.

A man has NO control over the validation queen phenomenon. Repeated messages won’t work. The woman is using online dating simply to validate her desirability, nothing more. She doesn’t want to date. She doesn’t want to meet men unless they are especially attractive physically. Most men aren’t so physically attractive so the incoming messages are just a feel-good exercise for her. This is the life for men doing online dating. Even worse, she’s already in a committed relationship (married!) but is too scared to seriously move on.

Even more frustrating is when the woman initiates the conversation, usually just a click on a button to indicate her interest. The man replies with a positive message and there is no subsequent response from her, ever. Doh! Settle down, boys. Women are basically timid and scared when it comes to online dating. They want their self esteem seriously built up. Doing that online is relatively easy and fun for them. The can ignore or block subsequent online interest from a fellow at their own discretion.

The validation queen is yet another reason why I no longer recommend online dating as the primary means of the “get a date” endeavor for men. Live events are far superior because it takes some serious gumption for a woman to attend such an event. It shows she’s serious about meeting a guy. It takes even more gumption (confidence!) for a man to attend that kind of event. Bonus for guys, dames like a confident man. Too many men retreat into online dating while the clever dudes are out at speed dating events or Meetup.com singles events. They’re the ones getting phone numbers and dates.

You’re welcome.

The Basics – Agree And Amplify

One of the biggest challenges facing post-divorce men is conversational ability. This is the result of social stagnation due to marriage and the general unwillingness of the men to go out into the world and be social. I’ve written about it so much that I won’t even both linking to previous posts.

While going back and forth on a motorcycle forum, I was reminded of the effectiveness of agree and amplify concept. It also reminded of an conversation I had with a rather toughened dame at my local pub who was not real friendly with me. Actually, she hated my guts. You can’t win them all. Every now and again, she wanted to rip me a new asshole. I was always prepared because of the agree and amplify concept.

Her (from across the bar and yelling): You don’t feed your dog enough! [any excuse to insult me]… you’re a scumbag!

Me: You’re right! [Agree] I come from a family of scumbags! But my great grandfather was a total douchebag! [Amplify]

]At that point, the entire bar erupted into laughter and the leather-faced lady immediately shut up and scowled. I smirked obsequiously. My ugly dog – allowed into that place – didn’t react. Damned dog.

The concept stands. Being defensive is a terrible way to response to an insult, even a teasing one, not matter what delivered from either sex. This applies to so much in life. Confidence is a way to accept yourself, regardless of character flaws. This is the essence of agree and amplify.

The trick is in the delivery. To be successful with agree and amplify, it must be delivered with a smirk and a strong sense of self-worth. But the problem is that too many men react horribly to even the most mild criticism from women. They get too defensive, they take it too personally. The person delivering that criticism is human, just the like man. This is not a deity imparting divine wisdom. This is a pissed-off (or shit-testing) dame making the delivery. Don’t take it too seriously.

I’ve been using agree and amplify for about five years. It’s completely re-shaped how I deal with dames. It’s also helped with situations with men. But, the concept remains regardless of who I’m dealing with.

I was recently perusing the ADVRider.com forum where an online buddy was talking about having a stupid phone. At first, I needled him about not having smart phone. But I quickly realized that he could use the agree and amplify concept to his advantage regarding his adoption of ancient technology:

If you’re going to stand by your flip-phone, own it!

There is a PUA concept called “agree and amplify”. It’s astoundingly effective.

Here are some examples of how your flip phone can work for you:

Her: “You have a flip phone?! Grow up!” (or words to that effect)

You: “Damned right, and my phone at home is a rotary one.”

You: ” You should see my TV, it’s black and white!”

You: “Do you know morse code? We can do this thing called texting”

But these lines must be delivered with supreme confidence and a smirking attitude like you’re treating the girl like a bratty little sister.

The problem with having a dumb phone is not necessarily the image, it’s the functions of the smart phone regarding communications.

With confidence, you can own most every tech decision you made. If you dismiss the dames because of their response to your tech decision(s), you’re not playing it right.

Agree and amplify might seem simplistic, but it takes some serious confidence for a man to delivery it effectively. It’s the smirk and devil -may-care attitude to make it really work. That’s a variation of outcome independence. To my readers, I highly recommend it. Early failures might be the result. No matter, with enough practice, the result will be increased confidence and charisma.

The Frustration Of Men – From Another Source

I’ve recently returned to a very popular motorcycle forum for riders and owners of “adventure” motorcycles. The demographic of that forum is mostly male and over 35. There are fathers, bachelors, grandfathers, and more. It’s a very well established forum with just about 250,000 users. The off-topic areas are a rich source for the words of guys going through any number of personal issues. The guys don’t hold back and it’s refreshing. Other than being motorcyclists, these guys are just typical guys going through and sometimes finding it difficult. They are good guys and I’ve personally met quite a few over the years. The rallies are awesome.

When I returned to the forum after a few years absence, I started going back over many of the older posts and conversation threads about dating and relationships. I was quite pleased to see some active members who comment quite frequently about Red Pill topics, including PUA, MGTOW, and MRA. I also discovered that several members had been reading my blog – and other Manosphere blogs – for years. They even knew about Rollo.

One of the threads there is “Geezer and The Red Pill”.  Yup, that Red Pill. My readers can lurk over there here. It’s a huge discussion thread so there is a lot to read. Unless you’re into adventure motorcycles, I don’t feel that anyone should actually join that forum, just read what is being said. For the record, I am “Uncle Larry” over there.

There’s frustration and positivity in that thread. One particular commenter, Project84 voiced his frustration about dating and online dating in particular. I responded with the following words in boldface his words in italics. (Note – The original thread post is here).

[Update – Apparently non-members can’t view the ADVRider thread. But the OPs words and my response is below]

I think a big part of unhappy single men are tired of it. I know at one point or another it becomes tiring to put in so much effort and find such little reward. Even the online dating tips directed at men specifically read “send out 20 messages, lucky if you get 3 replies, of those 3 maybe 1 turns into a date.” Have you ever heard that advice given to a woman? Why not?

The frustrations men feel regarding online dating are large and real. This is why the technology of online dating has changed into the completely instant gratification of Tinder. This is always why singles Meetup.com groups and similar live singles events have become popular. I now recommend that guys only spend 25% of their “find a date” efforts using online dating. Of course, a city is far easier for such live events.

Don’t give me that, “Men want pussy, women have pussy” stuff. Women want sex just as much as men.

Women do want sex as much as guys. But only with men who sexually excite them. That’s the small percentage of charming, charismatic, confident men. And all those characteristics can be learned to some degree, by the way. Caveat for South Florida – having a house on the water and a big boat often cancel out the charming, charismatic, and confident qualities in men.

This entitlement shit has gone too far. Women know they hold the options and express that fact by absorbing attention and effort while offering very little of it themselves.

But post-divorce single women are feeling the frustration of dating just as acutely but differently qualitatively. That demographic simply can get the high-value men to commit (why should they?) and so must face the reality of actually finding men to date who were previously invisible. As well, they have to understand that they must also bring something to the dating and relationship table other than just their genitals.

To that end, an entirely new “counseling” business has developed – the dating coach. These are professionals who help post-divorce women with their relationship goals. It’s a huge business because there is so much frustration. Women are indeed advised to send out their own online dating messages and be more active with responding to incoming messages.

Online dating has destroyed my discovery of outcome independence. I feel it has been helpful to get a few dates, but under the surface I’m analyzing things and not liking what I find.

Again, seriously cut back on your online dating efforts. Find live events (if your area has enough) to attend. Being out amongst other singles in real life will also give you the opportunity to work on your charm, charisma, and confidence.

The frustration of men is rarely discussed in the mainstream media. Men are turning to the Internet where they can find excellent information and advice dispensed by their peers. They may not even read actual Manosphere blogs, forums, and websites but the information gets out in any forum where men congregate online to pursue a generally masculine enthusiasm. For my readers with such enthusiasms, I urge you find relevant forums and check out the off topic areas. I’ll be you’ll find a large number of frustrated men looking for good advice.

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