The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Again, A Defense of Pickup Artistry (PUA)

My buddy, Dagonet, recently wrote a superb blog post where he defends pickup artists (PUA). One of his many good points is that there is an almost visceral negative reaction to the term “PUA”. That reaction is all over the Internet. There are Tweets, blog posts, and entire websites that excoriate pickup artists for being “man-boys”, “losers”, and “selfish assholes” who aren’t thinking of society’s greater good. The following Tweet shows it quite well:


The Tweet links to a thoughtful blog post about moral ambivalence. The shaming language in the Tweet is standard stuff and generally used when PUA causes emotional distress that can’t be resolved by applying even a small amount of logic and reason. I responded to that Tweet with a Tweet of my own:


A collection of Tweets then cascaded down with fairly good points being raised by a number of Tweeters. The biggest objection to PUA was that men were not considering how their individual actions impact our culture at large. Such objections are a couple of decades too late and are no longer relevant. We are well past what “should” be and firmly in the land of socio-sexual reality.

Twitter is good for getting to the heart of the matter. It really doesn’t matter how PUAs are created. Learning and practicing PUA is a logical and rational response to the current cultural conditions regarding how men and women interact in a socio-sexual context. Through the various waves of feminism, women have been effectively released from the social contract between the two sexes. Until the Internet, most men were unaware that they were upholding one part of a contract and women had fled their part of the contract. Now, men know better. I’ve written about that previously and the comments on that blog post are excellent.

So men responded, almost predictably. In order to meet their socio-sexual goals, men simply applied their brain power to the problem of understanding how women respond to predictable stimulus vis-a-vis sexual attraction. Dagonet pointed this out clearly in his blog post:

The natural, and rational, reaction to this situation is to learn game. To become a “pickup artist.” What this really means– despite the negative connotation– is that a man takes active control of his sex life and decides to start maximizing the behaviors that garner positive reactions from women, and minimizing the negative. He also might actually discover new abilities, confidence, and more attractive ways to present himself physically (clothes, working out, hair style, etc.).

Speaking as a man who supports men and things masculine, there is nothing wrong with this at all. Our society liberated women to pursue any number of (approved by feminism) options. So, in the spirit of equality, it’s completely and utterly fair to free men to pursue any options they so desire and to free him of the pressure to sacrifice his very life on the altar of a society that sees him either disposable or completely invisible. Men needn’t be cultural cannon fodder.

But, like women, in order to pursue options, a man must learn new personal skills. Women now make up the majority college attendees and graduates to hopefully learn skills to enter careers. Men – especially young men – seek out and learn PUA to gain a skill set that allows them to pursue more options. That’s perfectly reasonable and rather balanced in the grand scheme of things. PUA skills will become increasingly necessary because of hypergamy and the imbalance between men and women receiving college degrees.

As a skill set, PUA can be used however a man sees fit. Given the strong negative response to those three simple letters, we can change up the nomenclature to mollify those with delicate emotional sensibilities. Let’s call this skill set “learned charisma and confidence”. That sounds so much better, no? It’s not sleeping around, a man uses his new skills of charisma and confidence to fulfill his relationship goals with the opposite sex. Isn’t it fun to bandy semantics? Wordplay aside, if a man wants to use his charisma and confidence find himself in horizontal repose with many women, I give him two thumbs up. If he wants to find a special woman with whom to secure an intimate and committed relationship, my thumbs remain up.

As an aside and as Dagonet pointed out, there’s an awful lot of political discussion amongst the guys in the ‘Sphere. This is not my bailiwick but it does make sense given how culture and politics are ultimately intertwined. I argue that men need to now act individualistically without much regard to how their actions impact either politics or culture. With a large number of men acting on a such basis, a collective and masculine inertia will commence, if it hasn’t already started. In his blog post, Dagonet spoke of how many men found a relatively unorganized but ultimately unified endeavor through PUA. When a sufficient number of men operate in concert – even if to be more successful with their relationship goals – a cultural shift for the benefit of men will inevitably occur.

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28 thoughts on “Again, A Defense of Pickup Artistry (PUA)

  1. Pingback: Again, A Defense of Pickup Artistry (PUA) |

  2. Women are objecting to men learning how to make themselves more attractive to women. That’s completely psychotic. Women are fine with face lifts and breast augmentation, but men aren’t allowed to do anything to make themselves more attractive.

    • Lots of women don’t care if a man is a PUA. Lots of white knight betas object to PUAs.

    • Rudolph on said:

      Women object to men learning Game (all Pick-up is Game, not all Game is Pick-up) because of hypergamy. They are never sure if they got the best guy they could get. Game by creating “fake alphas” (real alphas don’t need to learn Game they “just get it”) increases a woman’s insecurities about her mating choices. Because of Game she might get a fake alpha and not a real alpha which is terrifying to her.

      • If a man internalizes Game so that it’s part of his frame, then there’s nothing fake about him. Even if a man is working on internalizing Game, there’s nothing fake about it any more than women using cosmetics is deception. Making oneself appear to be the best that one can be is good tactics in romance. Haven’t you heard? “All’s fair in love and war.” “Fake it til you make it.”

    • “That’s completely psychotic.”

      No it’s not. “Learned charisma” short circuits their good gene filter. Rain Man to Robert Redford in Five Easy Steps. (Buy now!)

      As it presents a serious reproductive challenge, they are, naturally, inclined to resent it.

      As others have mentioned, it’s the envious male moral signalers and their damaged, discard-female equivalents who hate, hate, hate game.

      Puritanical envy meets millennial narcissism. Such sweet, sweet Haterade.

    • Jennie on said:

      That is 100% wrong. I don’t know any women (including myself) who object to men trying to make themselves more attractive to us! Where did you get that idea, and what does that have to do with being a “pick up artist?” A PUA is into being deceptive to women just to get them into bed, as far as I know. A real man who is confident within himself won’t have to go to those lengths to meet women. He won’t have to lie, exaggerate, or manipulate to get laid. It’ll just happen NATURALLY.

      • This business of things “naturally” happening is what ruins average guys. Being “natural” is the kind of terrible advice that awful women give to men. You, my dear, are an awful woman. What you say is the zenith of bad attraction and dating advice. Thankfully, men aren’t as stupid as you think. Men approach things rationally and logically, even when it comes to masculine self-improvement as it relates to being more attractive to women.

        Go ahead, give out such shitty advice. Smart guys will find the truth. And the next time you meet a confident, charismatic man… you’ll never know if it’s happening naturally or maybe he learned it. Have fun dating!

      • Hamster Tamer on said:

        I think TPM should give Jennie half-kudos for Yet Another candid dump of the feminine weltanschauung… i.e. the way wimminz are always poised to be “swept away” so long as it happens “naturally”… of course this is just turbo-lulz fuel for The Red Pill Man, but it’s a good to be reminded of the PUA basics: push evo-psych buttons in correct sequence (and cadence), receive orgasm… rinse, repeat…

        i.e. the reason Game/Charisma/feigned-at-first Confidence makes wimminz self-lubricate and drop their kit is that they are static, NON-adaptive, i.e. ever and always ruled by their Inner Cavewoman©, constitutionally UNable to overcome their biology… menz OTOH, being tasked with virtually everything else in society, are constantly learning and adapting (hence geometry, electricity, indoor plumbing… Saturn V). To be fair, this is because women have the far more involved end of the Reproductive Equation.

        Eventually you reach the point of clarity where you realize the 19th Amendment MUST be repealed–no advanced civilization has ever endured females having the franchise. They will continue to vote for selfish UNworkable nonsense right up until the proverbial roof caves in.

  3. And I was a PUA before a girl broke my heart. I abandoned being a PUA and after that a girl broke my heart.

  4. Your statements emphasize the positives (“learned charisma and confidence”) but ignore the very real negatives – – an emphasis on deception, manipulation and outright fraud – – recommended by some of the PUA “gurus” (Roosh, et al.). These are legitimate criticisms and a source for the anger against, and outright hatred for, the PUA community. Of course, we can debate the legitimacy of the source of the criticisms, since women are held largely immune from such analysis of their motives and actions, but there is validity to the argument that the PUA approach is itself a malignant adaptation to a very broken social construct (modern “dating” or lack thereof). I’m just glad that I’m too old (almost 60) to deal with the current nonsensical dating scene and will concentrate instead on self-improvement. Whether or not that makes me more attractive to available women within my age bracket, so be it.

    • Understanding human behavior and using that to one’s advantage is hardly malignant, it’s smart adaptation. It’s only perceived as malignant and negative because women have so desperately clung to the belief that their motives and behaviors around attraction and dating were mysterious and opaque. PUA simply pulls back the curtain and what has been revealed is not at all mysterious. It’s simply human, warts and all. Women are not mysterious creatures. Their behaviors are predictable and woe betide any many who is willfully ignorant to that predictability.

      Certainly, the social contract is broken. Adapting to the new social conditions by using the available social interaction tools is a perfectly reasonable way to deal with the current socio-sexual landscape so a mean can meet his relationship goals.

      It must be constantly pointed out that PUA is a social skill set, nothing more. How a man decides to use that skill set is all up to him.

      • Old Tex on said:

        PUA is in effect dead now. With a few social predators out there giving “schools” on the now commonly understood techniques all FREE for any internet geek willing to stop eating trash and hit the weights. There is now so much information out there about the biological triggers men and women have it is a mind boggling flood.

        What is tarred with the “PUA” brush (most virulently by men soaked in NAWALT/NAMALT false narrative) has clearly evolved into:

        A. – Applied
        F. – Fitness
        C. – Confidence
        C. – Charisma

        AFCC, This blog, GLL, Rational Male, BlackDragon, and even Roosh, learning and making a better YOU is the key, the sex comes as a result.

        No God, or any such power of the universe will “give” you a mate!

        None of this is “manipulation, fraud, or deception” any more than make-up, hair color, yoga, or learned feminine coyness – NOTHING!

        Any who claim this have simply not paid attention or bothered to actually look at the woman they have woken up next to in the morning (regardless of ONS, relationship or wife).

        The female narrative is supported by MEN, women drive and benefit). It is the white nights and the rest of that ilk grow and support the narrative, all due to the perceived “need” for sex, only a FOOL will deny biology!

        Men do not deserve sex, this is true without a single doubt – but you can EARN that using various methods and natural gifts.

        Women do not deserve service or commitment, true without a doubt – but they can EARN that using various methods and natural gifts.

        Recognizing that women have this job easier at particular times in age and fitness is simply understanding biological facts.

        Luck and skill both happen and do not negate each other!

      • I agree with your response as far as it goes, but it fails to address the point that I made, re; the charlatans who recommend practicing deception (e.g., lying about occupation, wealth, social and relationship status) that put men at risk, when instead those men would be better off improving themselves and not losing themselves in the notch-counting and blue pill delusion that bedding women is the highest objective at any cost (or risk).

      • Shark, I don’t know any reputable (hah!) PUAs who recommend lying or trying to appear wealthy. Au contraire, PUAs like YaReally, Heartiste, and Krauser say to avoid the Beta Bux image and to avoid permanent relationships. Tell the girl that you’re not boyfriend material, etc.

      • Johnny Doe on said:

        Au contraire, PUAs like YaReally, Heartiste, and Krauser say to avoid the Beta Bux image and to avoid permanent relationships. Tell the girl that you’re not boyfriend material, etc.

        So, basically…”evolve” from a social beta to an evolutionary beta?

        In the grand scheme of nature, this is probably advice some guys should follow.

    • Shark, Niccolo Machiavelli explored leadership and discovered that manipulation is part of effective leadership. Deception in love and war is not to be castigated. Should we castigate women for using cosmetics? Are women perpetrating a fraud when they use cosmetics?

      I don’t lie or deceive maliciously, but I certainly use double entendres and am sometimes deliberately obnoxious and may engage in playful deception. Women think it’s charming and fun even though they realize that it’s obnoxious. Women LIKE rough play. Who knew?

      Part of the Red Pill is that women have always been like this and society didn’t used to hide this truth from men. Nowadays, men are told that they need to have open and honest communication (hah!) which is total humbug. Women can’t take the truth like men can. Part of self-improvement is facing reality and coming to terms with it–even if society is broken, men need to learn appropriate tactics.

  5. Agreed, PUA only exaggerates the innate values someone has. If you’re a bad person, your interactions shall be toxic, if you’re a good person, you’ll convey value and people will be all the better for having met you. The main problem is that the community self selects for people who may not have other people’s best interests at heart. It’s not to say all of them, but some people tend to start off from a somewhat bitter place and learning game only makes this worse!

    • Hamster Tamer on said:

      Jennie, only players are targets, babe.

      If you’re loyally married/monogamous, then you shouldn’t be LOOKING/trying to “get your freak on”, eh? You wouldn’t be wearing “FM heels” to the grocery store… or the NIGHTCLUB, or on TINDER–and thus you’d never even respond to Game–amirite? You’d shut that PUA down, hard, yes?

      OTOH, if the trash is set out on the curb, it’s eventually going to get “picked up”.

      But keep posting, you slay me with your solipsist humor! 😆

  6. Jennie on said:

    A man trying to learn how to deceive women into having sex with them is not “an art.” It is about power and manipulation. A “pick up artist” is a liar and a fraud. He is not comfortable within himself to be able to meet women without a “game.” A regular man who is confident within himself is able to meet and get positive attention from women WITHOUT a “game.” A pick up artist sees women as sex objects, and something to conquer sexually. He does not see us as potentially interesting friends, lovers, wives, girlfriends, or allies, but just as OBJECTS to “pick up” = (fuck) and then discard like a piece of trash.

    • When women stop playing games, men will stop as well.

      But playing attraction and sexual games is directly wired into a woman’s DNA. It’s what they do. It’s their form of power and manipulation. It’s just biology. So, smart guys are learning how to respond so they can meet their relationship goals – whether seduction or finding a long-term partner. Don’t like it? Take yourself out of the dating market. You won’t be missed.

  7. Old Tex on said:

    Jennie’s canned response is so disingenuous and typical of the massive sea of solipsism and entitlement that it is shocking how unable they are to see reality.

    Here is a great video that shows the simple position of female choice and how little they can take even a little of what men deal with constantly.

  8. Private man,

    Wondering if you’re OK. It’s been a long time since you’ve posted.

    Hope you’re all right.

  9. nice write up, at the end of the day all guys that get laid figure out what works for them and stick with it

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