Go Ahead, Shame Men
Confession time for The Private Man. In 1992, I worked seriously with the South Carolina Democratic Party when I was living in Charleston. That’s right, I’m a Democrat. When Bill Clinton was running, Hillary became a negative to his campaign efforts. She caught flak for being a “strong and independent” woman. At the time, there was a standard response to ANY criticism of Mrs. Clinton:
You’re just intimidated by a strong and independent woman.
Back in the early 90s, a few years before the Internet and the spread of knowledge of human behavior to about a zillion guys, this comeback was reasonably effective and shutting up the critic. Even in 1992, the ideology of progressive had a strong hold on our culture. In 1988, George Bush (the original model) cleverly turned the word “liberal” into an insult during his campaign against Michael Dukakis. This is one of the main reasons why those on the left now refer to themselves primarily as “progressives”. Yeah, I like social and cultural history.
The insults to shut down discussions haven’t stopped. It’s a standard rhetorical tactic. There’s a whole list of them here. It’s also in my blog roll so my readers have the tools to prepare for such insults. However, the words, by themselves, ultimately end up being meaningless when confronted with the end result actions. It’s the general disrespect of men and masculinity that spurs men into actions.
When the social contract between the sexes broke down, a new era of conflict between men and women erupted, most often through ideological proxies. As men and women are so vastly different, some form of verbal conflict is inevitable. But when that conflict inserts itself into strong social expectations, the social manifestation becomes very clear if completely unintentional.
The current conflict between the sexes is a fuzzy mix of ideology and biology. The fuzz is exacerbated when attraction, dating, and relationships are stirred into the mix.
Let’s make it even worse with personal agendas and conflict within individuals. The conflict within ourselves is between resolve biology with social expectations.
Red Pill knowledge is partially about sorting out the conflicts and personal agendas through understanding human behavior with its consistency and predictability. We’re not special snowflakes. We’re Homo sapiens complete with 500K years of psychological and behavioral evolution behind us. Civilization is a finger snap of time and social expectations require the blunt forces of culture, religion, and social enforcement. The enforcement element is most often
Shaming is an example of such social enforcement. The shame is expressed through insults. Men catch a raft of such insults, especially when they have the unmitigated gall of questioning social expectations or. worse, act on their own self-interest. As men, we know all know the insults – man-boy, Peter Pan, commitment phobe, whiny baby, and so many others. I’m particularly fond of “man up!” because that one has two meanings depending on who is saying it.
I had originally envisioned this blog post as advice for men to cope with such insults. It doesn’t require a long essay. It boils down to this – ignore the insults and do what you want within the law. It’s encouraging to read that the actions of growing numbers of men are demonstrating that they are indeed ignoring the shaming language and doing what they choose to. From this we have men’s rights activism (MRA), men going their own way (MGTOW), and masculine self-improvement (MSI). PUA is part of MSI.
The Internet allows men to find strength to resist the insults and sundry bullshit that comes with destructive, anti-choice social expectations. That strength comes from talking among ourselves as men. It’s the new men’s club. With some righteous masculine solidarity, insults and shame mean nothing. We can share well-researched but socially unpopular statistics and truths. Better, we can help each other to resist.
This strength among men is getting some serious push back. The insults get meaner, the attacks get personal, and men’s livelihoods are threatened. This push back can be handled relatively easily with humor and increased anonymity. Digital insults are just words. Men are responding with actions. The biggest example is the decline of marriage. The other great example is men understanding that “strong and independent™” are great for sex but not worthy of commitment
As for that push back, there is a huge threat that looms large and it’s already starting. Freedom of expression is under direct attack. Changing the laws is the next tactic wielded by those with hostility towards men and masculinity. In the interim, denying a place for public speech (in real life) is the current tactic. It’s only a matter of time until “hate speech” (any words or ideas that run counter to “accepted” speech) is outlawed with the power of law enforcement and criminal courts used to back it up.
There is a counterattack to that, thankfully. Use the laws equally, regardless of the ideology that promulgates the “hate speech”. It’s a short-term solution, at best. Any laws restricting free speech can completely stifle ANY free expression. This will result in a culture incapable of critical thought and open discussion.
What this means for men trying to improve themselves is that verbal caution is still necessary. The Red Pill subreddit and other forums tell many tales of MRAs don’t need that and haven’t been restrained in their words. The MGTOW crowd can simply keep on the same path because, frankly, when it comes to fucks, none are given from them.
It really doesn’t matter if a man is “intimidated” by a “strong and independent woman”. It doesn’t matter if he’s a “man-boy” or that he “whines”. Those are simple subjective descriptions. If manhood and masculinity is denigrated enough, men act. They pull away. Men aren’t stupid, they respond to incentives and disincentives. Social shaming is a tremendous disincentive for strong and independent men to following social norms.
Heaping shame and disrespect on men’s head will cause him to rightfully turn to tactics and strategies to accomplish their own goals on their own terms. This is encouraging. When I learn of men improving themselves or responding in other ways such as becoming MRAs of MGTOWs, I rejoice, as must all men. Here’s the punchline: if men taking social shaming seriously and then adjusting their behaviors to toe the social line, they lose respect from men and women alike.
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The Private Man 
Pingback: Go Ahead, Shame Men | Manosphere.com
PM, you and I are men of a certain age, so I am certain that you remember the phrase “The personal is political”. And this may be what we see as the next evolutionary phase of the Red Pill. To take this philosophy from the bedroom to the marketplace, so to speak. Where this journey leads RP men I have my own opinion about but that is a post for another day. What you do point out correctly, is that this coming to awareness era is still a dangerous one for RP men and we must yet tread cautiously Most of us aren’t in a position to be ZFG. But the good news is that what we learned works on the personal side (often from the PUA) works on the “political” side as well. In fact it often is absolutely disarming to our critics. That is why a man who begins adopting the Red Pill for situational use only often finds it very slowly transforming his entire world view. Once he stops serving the feminine imperative he finds it nearly impossible to continue to be collared by anyone or anything. And that my friend is the road to freedom.
I tried to inject some humor into my men’s guide to work searching. But the only Amazon review so far raked me over the coals for my sexist attitude and personal failings. She gave me a 1-star rating.
Narrow-minded, anti-female, mis-perceptive
By E. White on November 9, 2015
An incredibly male-chauvinistic, narrow-minded “advice” book. It is targeted at “males who are being pushed out of the feminist-dominated workforce and are not being allowed opportunities because the feminist-driven corporate culture does not like men.” Frankly, that statement is the only summary needed of the book, and all you need to know out of it. There is no possible benefit derived from reading this book that I can think of. It is written by an elderly gentleman who has apparently suffered some sort of job loss or has had job troubles, and has become embittered by his perception of how things transpired; he states that women are out of their place, and they should be at home “enjoying ruling over their home and experiencing joys of having children.”
Hopefully this review will help you with your purchase decision.
It really doesn’t matter if a man is “intimidated” by a “strong and independent woman”. It doesn’t matter if he’s a “man-boy” or that he “whines”. Those are simple subjective descriptions. If manhood and masculinity is denigrated enough, men act. They pull away. Men aren’t stupid, they respond to incentives and disincentives. Social shaming is a tremendous disincentive for strong and independent men to following social norms.
Which is why I support the MGTOW ideology above all the others. Until serious work is done to correct the misandry evident in modern society, it’s best for men to limit their exposure to it. For some this will simply mean only having FwB, others will just avoid marriage, and still more will cease dating altogether and either be celibate or hire sex workers. Regardless, so long as they are truly doing as *they* wish and not bowing to the will of someone else, they’ll be MGTOW.
I think that the key for newly single older men is to take periods in “Monk Mode” where you narrow your focus on specific tasks that improve your life and forget about women and society entirely during that period. They can’t shame you if you aren’t around, get successful enough and they can’t touch you anyway.
For example if you have some issue that blights your life, weight, bad habits, finances, take a month and go whole hog on figuring out how to improve the situation, make a plan and stick to it until you get it done. You’ll find once you no longer make women the center of your existence they insist on being part of it.