Attraction, Dating, And Aspirational Lying
Researching, observing, and experiencing attraction and dating has taught me that human beings are not particularly honest. We lie. This is central to the human experience. Of course we talk a good game about honesty because we’re socially expected to be honest and talk about being honest and expecting everyone else to be honest. That’s mostly true but quickly falls apart when verbal behavior crosses swords with attraction and dating.
The dark triad man is remarkably adept at aspirational lying. That man will say almost anything to achieve his goal, especially in the social context of seduction. The female equivalent of the dark triad man, the Cluster B woman, behaves in the exact same way but with different content in the lies. Call this meta lying. We state who we want to be, not who we are.
Since I couldn’t find a solid, concise definition of aspirational lying, I’ll provide one for my astute and intellectually curious readers:
Aspirational Lying – A type of dishonesty where an individual makes untrue statements describing herself/himself as what they aspire to be or how they currently behave. The purpose of this type of lying is to increase one’s self-esteem and ego or increase one’s attractiveness and desirability to others.
Here’s some additional background for your edification and intellectual fulfillment.
This form of lying pops up in predictable places. Certainly it’s painted thick on online dating profiles. A 43 year old woman states her age as 39. A man who is 5’7″ tall describes himself as 5’9″ tall. This is incredibly common. It’s so common that even the most naively honest feel pressure to also aspirationally lie on his/her online dating profile.
Aspirational lying can easily ruin socialogical studies. It’s a crime against intellect when both social researchers and journalists fail to recognize that survey answers reflect how the respondent want to be perceived, not how he or she actually feels or behaves. Stupidly, this even applies to anonymous surveys. Human beings can too easily wallow in such profound stupidity when affairs of the ego are involved. Such lies are not for the survey-takers, the lies are for the person responding to the survey.
Business marketing is chock full of aspirational lying. It’s so pervasive that it’s easily ignored. “Most”, “best”, “greatest” are superlatives that have become effectively meaningless. Or, such marketing becomes part of confirmation bias. A product’s attributes are described by the marketers and the consumer of the product goes through some mental exercises to justify a purchase decision. based on those described attributes.
On something of a side note, actually working to improve one’s self is the opposite of aspirational lying. Such efforts are the actions, the lying is just the words. However, a woman’s efforts that are simply cosmetic (no analogy intended) are a bit less clear-cut because make up is a temporary effect. Plastic surgery is a clear-cut (groaner analogy) example of actions over the mere words of aspirational lying.
When it comes to dating, it’s important for a man understand and account for such dishonesty. I’ve already brought up this is in a recent blog post. But that’s simply the online dating profile. Cluster B women present a very different scenario of lies. This requires a level of serious observation and the willingness to overlook the extraordinary sexuality of such women. “Crazy in the bed, crazy in the head” is not just a locker room aphorism shared amongst the guys. Men need to be completely aware of common and predictable feminine behavior, the good and the bad.
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The Private Man 
Typo “Crazy in the bed, crazy in the head (not bed).
This article makes sense. I now have to click on your Cluster B link. Don’t ask.
Thanks
Fixed the typo, many thanks for pointing it out.
Cluster B women are walking and talking nightmares. Research those personality disorders, I encourage it.
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Good analysis in your Periscope presentation.
I wish I could find someone, but it isn’t going to happen. Buying lottery tickets is a better investment
Matt,
At a guess, you are probably just fine. It’s not you, the marketplace has allowed women to get greedy.
both of you just projected textbook examples of this behavior, one at each end of a continum….the self justification lie (also known as the blue pill shuffle), and the elimating the competiton lie (also known as the “girl, you look great with short hair” lie).
Well, I do live someplace that was specifically mentioned in Dateonomics as being a bad place for men. Add to that the fact it is full of liberals, progressives and feminists, finding a stable relationship is challenging. In fact, finding any women to date has been a challenge. I’ve watched feminists go into hysterics over the thought of me ever having sex. Yes, really. I’m one of the 80% of guys that women consider to be of “below average attractiveness”.
It’s just not worth expending much time, energy or money in this sort of environment.
It wouldn’t be Toronto, would it? If it’s at all possible, consider moving. Even if all things are equal, the positive effort will enhance your presence.
No, it’s Travis County in Texas. I’ve heard horror stories about Toronto, particularly after the RSD folks had been operating there for a while.
Moving is at least a few years off, but it is something I have planned. Somewhere outside the U.S.
I am a little taken aback. I just looked it up on the map. This is not as it was. You may consider hanging loose for a while. I have heard that Wendy Davis got trounced in the last gubinatorial election. Feminism may have peaked.
True, humans lie a lot. Listening to words alone will never give us the truth. Far more we have to look at action, they don’t lie. It may happen that someone deceives us by his deeds to, but for most that is much to exhausting, especially if they have to maintain their “fake-behaviour” for a long time.
http://freedompowerandwealth.com
Although working to improve yourself and aspirational lying can be combined; no susprise to find someone who is dieting and saying they weigh twenty pounds less than they do.
Aspirational lying can easily ruin socialogical studies. It’s a crime against intellect when both social researchers and journalists fail to recognize that survey answers reflect how the respondent want to be perceived, not how he or she actually feels or behaves.
This is a well-known problem, at least in real sciences like epidemiology, and faux sciences like psychology and sociology. My ex took a graduate course in survey design. It was interesting to hear how to design around this – like asking the same question in different ways, or the question and it’s opposite, and seeing if the answers were consistent.