The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the month “March, 2011”

It Gets Better For Men, Sort Of

I’m stealing the title from the It Gets Better project, an initiative to let bullied teens know that life does indeed get better for them, especially if gay, lesbian, trans, whatever. Personally, I have no issue with this initiative. Indeed, the concept that it gets better can be applied to single, straight men as well.

This post was motivated by a supremely good blogger’s post. Read it. Also, read the comments because one commenter, Greenlander, is a classic example of taking the red pill and realizing that he is the prize.

As for for those who don’t know Dalrock, it’s worth reading his well-written and extremely well-researched blog posts.

That blog post addressed the supply and demand in the marriage market. Using good research and some excellent charts, Dalrock made some key conclusions that point to the fact that it does indeed get better for single guys seeking a long.

From 2000 to 2010, the percentage of never-married women has gone up, especially for the 25 – 29 year old age cohort – by almost 10%. It shows that women are delaying marriage. By the 40 – 44 year old age cohort, the difference from 2000 to 2010 is only 1.1%. Dalrock’s chart showing this data is here.

Delaying marriage may or may not be a good idea for the individual woman in question, that’s a personal choice. Delaying marriage is not without unintended consequences and this is why I say that it gets better for single, straight guys, but not completely.

By the mid-30s, there is no longer a surplus of single men. Dalrock makes the very valid point that many mid-30s single men could have dropped out of the long term relationship game by becoming players or simply withdrawing from the dating and relationship scene entirely.

Statistics aside, as single men get older, their income rises. Single men have far more time to apply to their jobs and careers, especially if without children.  Parents must juggle between work and family while the single man can be burning the midnight oil.  His income will likely increase with the extra time and effort. He can also be learning Game to be working on his self-confidence. For a man in the sexual market place as the years go by, it gets better.

Dalrock makes an interesting point:

Just like a real estate market can quickly shift from a sellers to a buyers market, we could see a sea change where men see themselves as the scarce commodity and women fear being the ones without a seat when the music stops.

Before us single men start rejoicing it’s extremely important to understand that social expectations are still stuck in the rut that women consider themselves as special and perfect snowflakes in desperately short supply. To a certain extent that’s true. Attractive, truly feminine women of good character are not easy to find. Those type of women were likely snapped up quickly. Only when post-divorce trading season starts (mid to late 30s) can single men find these women with the caveat that marriage, kids, and divorce has had some often negative emotional and physical impacts. Call the porter to handle all the extra baggage and then call Weight Watchers.

There is also the dilemma of women who have spent too long working on their careers and have lost – or worse, rejected – femininity and have convinced themselves that being strong and independent is the best course of action. An extra eight to ten years in capitalistic America climbing the corporate ladder is simply not emotionally healthy for a woman who is still seeking a deep and intimate long term relationship with a man.

It’s important to make the distinction between the sexual market place and the relationship market place. For a man in his late 30s and beyond with Game and confidence, the sexual market place is amazing with many choices and many opportunities. Yet it’s slim pickings in the relationship market place. Women in their 30s and beyond are mostly not relationship material (though they could be if they also took the red pill).

To deal with this situation, there are some options:

1. Seek younger women. All hail the biological imperative!

2. Find a divorced woman without too much emotional baggage and who also has maintained her femininity. Hey, it can happen.

3. Forget the notion of a long term relationship and pursue a pump and dump or a soft harem approach while smoking fine cigars and living a hedonistic lifestyle.

In closing, I present part of a comment from Greenlander over on Dalrock’s blog post:

Now, I separate them into two categories by age. Women below about 27 are potential marriage material. Everything after that is pump & dump. I laughed to myself when you wrote about men seeking women 5-10 years younger, because that’s not young enough for me. I’m dating a 26-year-old blue-eyed blonde who is on the high side of 7. (I tap some ass on the side when I can for fun, though.)The women I know in their early thirties are just delusional. I sometimes seduce them and sleep with them just because I know how to play them so well. It’s just too easy. They’re tired of the cock carousel, and they see a guy like me as the perfect beta to settle down with before their eggs dry out. I know exactly how to tickle both parts of their alpha and beta “receptors” to get them interested and willing. I practically read their thoughts that say, “Greenlander seems like a guy I could settle down with.” Then, I bang them a few times, and when I get tired of them I just delete their numbers from my cell phone and stop taking their calls. Fuck them, they don’t deserve my respect. They overplayed their hand. When they had the upper hand they were complete cunts, and now that I have the upper hand I’m returning the favor by being a raging dickhead. It doesn’t really hurt them that much: at this point they’re used to pump & dump!

The younger ones who want to settle with an “upper beta” guy like me while they still have SMV have my respect. I can see myself marrying the 26-year-old if it continues to go well… and if I cut her loose for whatever reason then I’ll also do it respectfully. I treat her respectfully because she deserves respect.

Here is a man who took the red pill and figured out the current state of affairs with regards to demographics, life stages, the sexual market place, and the relationship market place. In the subsequent comments, a female reader excoriated him for this approach. No matter, that female reader was simply showing her abject fear of a man like Greenlander spreading his knowledge.

I am often impressed with the knowledge and writing abilities in the Manosphere. There are so many intelligent and articulate men and women to be read.

Uncle Sam Wants You To Save Your Marriage!

I don’t own a television. Instead, I watch Hulu programming. The commercials on Hulu are not what might be seen on television.

The Public Service Announcements (PSAs) are fascinating. Consider such Hulu PSAs as second tier publicity efforts. Whichever organization is pitching a message simply can’t get access to the big leagues in broadcast media. Hulu is the dumping ground of public service announcements and they are quite interesting.

During an oddball documentary about dirt, I caught a very interesting, albiet short, PSA from an organization calling itself Two Of Us. The PSA was quite forgettable but the website proved to be quite interesting. Just a quick look at the website yielded this article. Here’s a quick write-bite:

But some people seem on an eternal quest to find a “perfect” partner, one who probably doesn’t exist outside of the storybooks. Since childhood, we’ve been taught to keep an eye out for Prince (or Princess) Charming. Grown-up movies and romantic comedies perpetuate these expectations — we’re waiting for the dashing hero/heroine who will intuitively understand our plight and rescue us from our suffering.

This is a clear description of emotional porn. The Manosphere has covered this subject often enough. It’s interesting to see the idea of relationship false expectations is being spread further.

Here’s the bomb shell about Two Of Us: It’s a US government funded website!

Just a cursory linkage exercise (always look at the bottom of web pages to see the good stuff, the funding stuff) yields that Two Of Us is part of the National Healthy Marriage Resource Center.

A quick examination of the Two Of Us website also shows this:

Funding for this project was provided by the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Grant: 90-FH-0001

Is the US government is trying fight against the pernicious influence of emotional pornography? Does Hollywood know about this?

I spent some time clicking around that website and also other websites with links in the Two Of Us web pages. It was a surreal experience. Our government is well into the marriage advice and marriage-saving business. I found some interesting cross-posting with this organization. Is this all left over from the Bush administration’s faith-based initiatives? I really can’t tell. Hell, even the Army wants to keep marriages together.

Here is some nice irony – Two Of Us is funded by the Administration for Children and Families and this agency also contains the Office of Child Support Enforcement. I’ll let the Manosphere digest that one. Extra toilet paper will be required.

I lost my way in this warren of websites, organizations, coalitions, and government agencies. There are links to publicly funded organizations and links to stories on private, blog-like websites. Honestly, I haven’t had the time to do a thoroughly analysis of the actual marriage and relationship advice being doled out. Given the government’s track record in addressing social maladies (Great Society, anyone?), I’m thinking that the divorce rate will increase sharply.

I do urge this blog’s readers to do some investigation on their own. It should make web-surfing an interesting experience. Gentlemen, get to clicking and report back. I also urge readers to spread this post far and wide so that we can shine some light on a government initiative that could very well be an enormous waste of money. Does your congressman know about this?

Here’s a budget-cutting idea: Stop all funding to these marriage-saving initiatives, throw out those worthless bureaucrats, and just send everyone over to Athol K‘s website or buy a million copies of his upcoming book for free distribution to couples thinking of divorce.

The Frustration Of Finding That Special Someone

One of this blog’s faithful readers waxed poetic about his pessimism of finding the woman of this dreams.’

His words:

I’ve become extremely suspicious and pessimistic about the possibility of dating successful, educated, and professional women. Their standards for a man are just ridiculously high and most are not interesting and good looking enough to ask for what they demand. I get tired of being interesting, entertaining, and humorous when I get little in return except self-absorbed drivel from a woman who has little sense of humor.

Let’s break it down quickly and succinctly. His pessimism stems from just five problems with today’s modern, American woman:
1. Hypergamy

2. “Never settle!”

3. The demand for instant chemistry

4. Extreme selfishness

5. No respect for men

Of all five, only one is truly rooted in the biological imperative. That’s hypergamy. A woman’s brain is wired to be hypergamous. Ironically, it’s easier for a man to deal with this. He simply becomes a better man. A man must learn and implement Game.

The other four, well, that’s rather more challenging. While a man, as an individual, can learn and implement Game, there must a shift in overall social expectations to address the other issues in the list. It will be glacially slow. Changing social expectations usually takes at least a generation (that’s about 30 years) but with the ability to communicate electronically and almost instantly, social change can be accelerated.

There must be a constant drumbeat of negative messages and negative stigma from all sides should a woman be suffering from one or more of the other problems in the list.

  • “Never settle” must be met with “everyone settles”.
  • The demand for instant chemistry must be met with “stop thinking with your genitals”.
  • Selfishness must be met with “that’s for children, grow up.”
  • No respect for men must be met with “you’re a bigot”.

Men have been made to dance to the tune of women’s capricious and arbitrary demands for the two generations of feminism indoctrination and it’s failed miserably. Now is the time for men to play the tune and insist that women live up to a form of the revised social contract.


Men grieve too.

CNN did a good story on the recent Japan disasters, here.

It’s a quick and surprisingly good article.

“My Wife, My Son’s Family And Four Grandchildren. I Lost Them All.”

A man’s grief is powerful, no matter what the culture.

May the tragic sadness of Kenichi Suzuki be engraved on our souls.

He sacrificed his family for his job, his volunteer job.

More here.

It’s heart breaking.

I Hope This Video Goes Viral

I love classical music. I’m also open to interesting interpretations of various famous works.

This is from a young ukulele performer in Hawaii. She is Taimani Gardner and I am extraordinarily impressed with her skills (hat tip to Gorbachev from over at Roissy).

And here I thought that the ukulele was only able to perform Hawaiian music. I have been soundly and thoroughly disabused of this notion.

J.S. Bach should be celebrating this version of his famous Toccata and Fugue in D Minor.

As an aside, I am always impressed by anyone – male or female – with artistic talent. This is one of the reasons that I am so desirous of T, the incredible artist. I started “dating” her over a year ago and sadly, I have not enjoyed the pleasure of her company in at least two months.

Oh, here’s another great song from a Hawaiian performer – Iz. He died from complications due to his obesity.

Check Out This Video!

I don’t know if the embedding feature works. If not, hit the link. Now.

“I don’t know… I mean…you could maybe… talk to the girl next to her? You know, make her feel jealous?”

“Hand of God, kid… I never felt like you were my son… until now.”

Tip of the ol’ hat to a Roissy comment.

From the Masculine to the Feminine in 35 Minutes

For the most part, the private sector work environment is a masculine place. The business of making money has little to do with emotions. The capitalistic marketplace is the realm of logic and reason in order to create and sell profitable goods and services. It’s really that simple. If there is not enough profit, there is no point creating that service or that item.

Men have historically dominated this social and economic realm. In the last two generations, women have entered the workforce. That didn’t change the essential rules of capitalism. Women had to adapt and they often did so out of economic necessity. Women adapted reasonably well. They adopted masculine traits to cope and succeed. Having such traits is not necessarily a bad thing in the right context.

The problem is the transition back to home and hearth, there is none. A woman is still in work mode when she returns home. There are tasks to organize, things to manage, kids to herd. A woman’s work (and career) is never done, after all. Whither the husband or significant other? He’s likely a beta. He’s toiled his day in the trench cubicles taking orders all the while. He’ll happily defer to the woman’s relationship leadership despite losing her respect for him. He’s used to it. His mom, single of course, told him to be nice and follow orders.

What if she’s married or committed to an alpha man? If she wants to maintain that relationship, she must transition to a feminine role in a brief span of time. That span is 35 minutes, about the average commute time. In that period of time, she must embrace her feminine nature so she can be the loving wife/significant other that she is supposed to be. Of course, if she truly loves her man, embracing her feminine nature for him comes naturally and without much thought. In fact, she should be thinking of that while she is still at work. Suggestion to all the guys in long term relationships: read Athol K (Married Man Sex Life).

If her man is a sad sack beta, the transition from masculine to feminine is a serious struggle. The woman sits in traffic and wonders “why I am doing this?”. She then fires up her audio book of Eat, Pray, Love (turning off NPR) and makes a mental note to tally up her man’s finances and then to look up divorce attorneys while he is having fun with the kids.

Khan Knows Game

A Star Trek reference ahead.

This clip is not even three minutes and encompasses much of Game.

Amazing frame, preselection, higher value, asshole Game, it’s all there.

Khan has large, granite balls.

The man who wrote the dialog in that scene must have been quite the player.

Hat tip to a Roissy blog comment.

The Manosphere – The New Men’s Club

There once was a time when men had formal gathering places where women were simply not allowed. Such a place might have been a country club, a yacht club, a fraternal organization, or a business organization.

It’s probable that men got together to discuss ideas – politics, business, society, and women. Women were important to men back then. Most of the men doing the talking were likely married and many likely had daughters. If not married, the men would likely be actively pursuing marriage.

It is a pity that they are no transcripts of the informal discussions amongst those men gathered in those exclusively male environments. Such a record would be remarkable for documenting social history. Perhaps a reader can point to a good book or a source some social history on men’s clubs.

As feminism became an increasingly powerful political force, the men-only institutions came under attack. Some just shut their doors, others allowed women to join. With women present, it is likely that a great deal of self-censorship took place. Mustn’t offend the women folk, after all.

Those feminists sought access to those formal gathering places for equality, at least that’s what they said. I have a different theory. I believe that the feminists were scared that the men were conspiring against them; that men were were whispering unpleasant truths about women. The men were discussing ideas that might be dangerous to the new ideology. So, like using baton-wielding police to break up a political demonstration, lawsuit-wielding lawyers went after the organized places where only men gathered.

The heyday of the men’s club is definitely over. As I never experienced it, I won’t bother to mourn its passing. It’s simply a period of history that needs to be examined more closely when a clever social historian figures there’s a good book deal in it.

The king is dead, long live the king!

The men’s club is back. It’s gone virtual. It’s quite obvious that men are gathering on forums and blogs that cater to the usual masculine enthusiasms such as firearms, motorcycle, body building, cars, etc. Those are things and activities, not necessarily ideas. To be sure, there is usually an off-topic section in these discussion and often ideas are shared. By the way, those off topic message board sections are excellent for recruiting men to the cause.

The Manosphere (I am now capitalizing the word in all future posts and comments) is the new men’s club where ideas are discussed almost exclusively. This is dangerous to feminist ideology. Where feminists once had a serious degree of control of public discourse – the mass media – through politically correct shaming, the men have formed a vast, rather disorganized gathering place immune to shaming and censorship. It gets worse for feminist ideology, the men are discussing ideas.

Ideas are bad for ideologies. Ideas are dangerous to the status quo. Ideas cause revolutions. Ideas cause action. With the right technology, ideas can be spread almost instantaneously.

Note this photo:

It is not surprising that the Good Man Project, a feminist project through Ms Magazine, has had a series of articles on the Men’s Rights Movement, a huge part of the Manosphere. Such articles are an admission of the power of the Manosphere. The ideas of men simply can’t be ignored anymore.

As this wonderful men’s club continues to grow, the next phase of the discussion will be the transformation into action. This will require thousands of more men to be involved. It’s the duty of every man and aware woman to bring in more men to the Manosphere. Right now, it’s a big, messy club. Soon, it will be a movement.

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