The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the month “April, 2013”

Between The Genders – Changing The Vocabulary

“Traditional gender roles?! You just want to return to the 1950s where women were housewives and trapped at home!”

I read this often as an argument against recognizing the enormous impact of evolution-based biology and psychological behavior of male and female human beings. It’s not much of an argument, it’s merely a straw man fallacy. But it is used frequently enough to be addressed.

As Americans, we have a cultural repulsion to looking at the past for tools to cure social ills. Social “progress” is all about advancing through time and that any social change or shift is this “progress” It’s most often perceived as a positive thing, at least by progressives. This is closest to politics as I will ever get in this blog.

The term “traditional general roles” is perceived as something awful because it harkens back to an era of our history that has been determined (by consensus, it seems) to be a very bad time socially. The problem is not with the concept, but the word “traditional”. So, by using a political debate tactic, it’s time to change the vocabulary to change the debate. Behold this new phrase:

“Natural gender roles”

Eliminate the word “traditional”. Replace it with the word “natural” and the connotation of the phrase shifts to something far less likely to cause knee-jerk negative reactions. The conversation spawned by the new phrase might even avoid the intellectual tar pit of political correctness. Wait, strike that last sentence.

Let’s start using the phrase “natural gender roles” from now on. This, I decree!

International Online Dating – Some Words From An Industry Insider

It’s not often that I get access to someone truly in the know about online dating. Mark Brooks is both an online dating industry expert as well as the chief strategy officer for AnastasiaDate. Yes, he has a vested interest in that business but such words of wisdom are always welcome. I asked 10 questions and Mr. Brooks was gracious enough to respond. My questions are in bold.

1. Define international online dating, and differentiate it from the “mail-order bride” concept. Besides being an industry analyst for online dating in general, I also serve as the chief strategy officer for AnastasiaDate, a premium international dating service that allows for people all over the world to connect with and possibly pursue relationships with others whom they never would have even met otherwise. We think that the term “mail-order bride” is quite derogatory to women and doesn’t reflect our brand intentions properly at all. We are not in the mail-order bride business. Many users of AnastasiaDate want to meet for love and for serious relationships. AnastasiaDate also connects men and women who share common interests and who are looking for companionship. The term mail-order bride infers that since these men and women are from different cultures, they cannot share a mutual interest or a consensual companionship. I am happy to be a part of AnastasiaDate, because we are working to bring cultures together, and I think that this is where the dating world is headed.

2. What are some of the demographics (age, gender, geography) of those who choose to use international online dating? 65 percent of the women on AnastasiaDate, for example, are in their 20s or 30s. The average age of the men who are looking to date these women is 41. All in all, we’re seeing tremendous interest in international online dating from all corners of the globe.

3. Are women in the Anglosphere (U.S., Canada, U.K., Australia, New Zealand) also deciding to use international online dating?

The Internet’s presence has forever altered global communications and continues to allow people from all corners of the world to meet and experience other cultures and traditions. With that in mind, yes, even in the Anglosphere, we’re seeing the growth of international online dating.

4. As for international online dating websites, what are the top 10 (based on percentage of adult population), and in which countries do they operate and/or target?
Here are rankings from Experian/Hitwise:
1 AnastasiaDate / 3,112 / 16.00%
2 Chnlove / 2,213 / 11.38%
3 AmoLatina / 1,909 / 9.81%
4 LatinAmericanCupid / 1,749 / 8.99%
5 CharmingDate / 1,566 / 8.05%
6 iDateAsia / 948 / 4.87%
7 Dream-Marriage / 796 / 4.09%
8 ForeignLadies / 737 / 3.79%
9 AForeignAffair / 727 / 3.74%
10 CherryBlossoms / 633 / 3.26%

5. Going back to when statistics are available, what are some of the significant demographic trends in international online dating?
The premium international dating industry on the whole is taking off. AnastasiaDate, for example, has seen traffic rise 220 percent over last year.

6. What motivates men/women to select international online dating over local online dating?
People who date internationally are looking for love and relationships that are different from what they have found in their hometowns. International dating in the way that we see it emerging today wouldn’t be possible if it weren’t for the technological advances that have been made over the past 20 years. Interestingly enough, we recently released a study that reveals how men who date internationally tend to be more technologically advanced than those who only date locally.

7. Have you seen resistance to international online dating?
It’s been a controversial subject in the past, but I believe by 2020, it will be a more mainstream topic. People are expanding their horizons. Even though a lot of Internet daters prefer to date people within 20 miles—and we start at 2,000 miles—it’s a good idea to expand the traditional dating pool and intermingle over greater distances. Pretty much everything in the world is going global, so for those who are intrigued by other cultures and other parts of the world, international dating is an exciting choice.

8. How has the International Marriage Broker Regulation Act (IMBRA) impacted international online dating?
IMBRA set out necessary regulations that do aim to protect women from abuse, and I believe the regulations are keeping people safe. In terms of an impact on international online dating, I believe the regulation raised the awareness that people need to be safe when deciding to meet a person whom they have met online in-person. People should be aware of the possible dangers whether they are dating locally or internationally.

9. Do you envision any further U.S. regulation on international online dating?
To me, IMBRA covers good ground, and self-regulation also makes sense, of course.

10. Where do you see the future of international online dating?
Internet dating was stigmatized up until two years ago. It’s now mainstream, because pretty much everyone has a friend who met via an online dating website at this stage. International online dating will be mainstream by 2020 and will have lost its stigma, as well. And with the rise of even more advanced global communications, people will be able to stay connected to and develop relationships with one another more than ever. International daters realize that finding love in a different country, which was once a very difficult and daunting task, is now right at their fingertips.

The Mind Reels… And Is Repelled…

My long time readers know that I’ve backed away from the vitriol that immediately arises when feminism is discussed in the Manosphere. Yes, I’m generally scornful of this ideology. It’s done more to poison the dating and relationship well than even the selfish individualism started by baby boomers back in the 1960s. No matter, my focus is now much more on attraction and dating, for both men and women.

Until I saw this video.


This is what a feminist looks like.

If you get through more than five minutes, it’ll be a miracle. There’s not much more commentary than I can give. The back story at the University of Toronto is unpleasant. Research it for your own edification….I’ve got dating and attraction advice to dispense.

How Women “Open” Men

“Opening” is a pick up artist (PUA) term for starting a conversation with a woman. However, women can certainly open a man. But as women tend not to be as direct and are risk averse, it will be a more subtle opener and is the start of a rather intricate dance of words and body language to test and tease out information from the guy to determine his confidence and Charisma. It’s important to note that a woman won’t start a conversation with a stranger unless she feels that she’s in a totally safe physical environment.

Only the boldest of women will actually approach a guy directly and show her interest. Note, if the guy is extraordinarily good looking, that will also bring out the boldness in an otherwise shy woman. Physical attractiveness is a powerful thing, for women too.

If the average woman spies a man with whom she has cautious interest, for whatever reason, she might initiate a conversation with an indirect subject. It might be the weather, or the duration of a traffic light while waiting for a light to change, or something are both experiencing together. “This line is too long.” Regardless, she’s initiating the potential for a conversation. This does mean her level of attraction is sky high, it just means there’s potential and she’s gently testing for it.

Such an initiation is risky for her because she knows nothing of the guy, yet. He could be married, he could be a creep, he could be socially inept. This is one of the reasons that singles groups and other live singles social events are becoming more popular. During an event, safety is assured and women can watch the men interact socially before any conversation is initiated.

Regardless of the social setting, it’s important that the man respond. In an ideal world, the man would respond with something clever and witty to show he’s got some charm to go along with his social skills. Too many men are either scared in some way or respond with a dull, forgettable comeback. A conversation initiation from a woman is not exactly common and the perfect opportunity for a man to practice a little Charisma even if the woman isn’t his type.

The agree and amplify approach to a comeback can usually work well if it’s delivered lightly and humorously and with a subtle smirk or smile.

Her (while waiting at the grocery checkout): “This line is too long.”

Him: (agreeing and amplifying): “I agree, I’ve been here since last Thursday and my milk’s spoiled.”

Her (walking in a parking lot): “It’s freezing out!”

Him: “Oh, yes… that explains the Eskimo in that Buick.”

As I said before, a woman opening a man is not common. So when it happens, it should be encouraged with some fun, if very brief, conversation. For the record, I urge women to start conversations more.

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