The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Online Dating Profiles – How To Figure Out Women’s Lies

It’s well-established that most of us lie to some degree on our online dating profiles. There are plenty of websites and blogs to help women find the lies on men’s profiles. Because my primary priority is to help men, I give you the list of potential lies that men must face when evaluating a woman’s online dating profile. I also give some solid tips for identifying those lies.

1. Fuzzy photos. Cell phones and digital cameras have gradually improved over the years. The megapixel count has increased and this means generally sharper images for recent photos. So if you see a fuzzy photo, it might be older. Bear in mind that some online dating websites will re-sample images to make them smaller in terms of memory. Photos may also have an upward memory limit. This will make photos less than crystal clear.

2. Outdated fashions. Women typically chase fashion styles and are willing to spend lots of money to be up to date. If the photo has outdated fashion styles, it’s an older photo. This requires, of course, that a guy has to know what’s in style now. Consult some women’s magazines on this and pay careful attention to what women are wearing as you are out and about. This includes shoes, accessories. A woman’s age does certainly impact her fashion she wears in public.

3. EXIF data. This is meta data hidden in digital images. It includes when and where the photo was taken among other information I’ve experimented with some Plenty of Fish photos and haven’t found much in the way of EXIF image data. However, it’s worth checking, regardless. It’s very easy to do and this Google search results page provides links to websites that look for that data in images.

4. Stolen photos/fake profiles. For free online dating websites, this can be a huge problem. Thankfully, there are ways to do searches to find similar images.
Google images and Tineye are good resources. Use them both.

5. The “angles” and lack of a full body shot. The younger men talk about the “secret Internet fattie” (SIF) and it’s a thing. If a woman identifies her figure as “average” and doesn’t have a full body shot, it’s very likely that she’s a SIF. Women are also very good at posing and fashions to tone down the curves. By the way, “curvy” is fat.

6. She’s too good to be true. If a guy gets a message or return message from a truly sexy dame, it’s time to be really suspicious of a fake profile. Use the photo searching tips from item four before responding to the message.

7. The age factor – 29, 39, 49, 59… This is a classic. If any woman claims her age to be any number with a nine as the trailing integer, add at least four years to her age. Verify that by taking a very hard look at her photos. Hands and facial wrinkles don’t lie. Actually, add at least two years to every woman’s claimed online dating age to get a more accurate estimate of her actual age.

8. Various hair lengths in the photos. Here’s a general rule of thumb – the shorter the hair, the more recent the photo. I have yet to meet a woman who grows out her hair as she gets older. Eventually, they all become Q-tips after about 60 years old.

9. Her self-described figure. Average is generally overweight because the average American is over weight. There is a huge exception – foreign-born women. When they say average, it’s actually slender or athletic when compared to American female bodies. But guys, if you’re overweight as well, you’re not going to get a good response rate from slender or athletic women.

There might be more and I’m sure my clever and thoughtful readers will contribute in the comments. As well, perhaps validated profiles will squash many of these lies. Such lies are what drives matchmaking services.

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17 thoughts on “Online Dating Profiles – How To Figure Out Women’s Lies

  1. You’re a fine one to complain about women having short hair. Can’t you give the Ben Franklin look a try?

  2. Pingback: Online Dating Profiles – How To Figure Out Women’s Lies |

  3. I’ve not been on dating websites recently, so am unsure of this, but don’t they ask you during registration for your birth M/D/Y and then just automatically calculate the age shown? Someone could just actually *be* an age ending in 9 that year. Do you suggest adding a year on so it bumps to the next age bracket so it doesn’t seem like they’re lying?

    What exactly is the point of lying anyway? If it’s just one of those non-dating validation seekers, she’s getting validated for a falsehood which is just dense. If she’s trying to get more dates and falsely portrays herself in the profile, the truth will become evident as soon as the guy meets her and is obviously free to walk away if the difference is too great.

    • There’s a lot of denial that comes with fatness/unattractiveness. It’s possible that the woman might just tell herself she isn’t photographing well lately and believe she’s not that far off from the outdated pictures she’s using.

  4. A rule one definetly has to follow for OLD, prefilter for SIF’s by clearly stating you will not respond to messages from women who have no full profile shots. It may piss a lot of them off, but I really don’t care. Some respond with typical “Fat Acceptance” shaming language, that I’m shallow or am afraid of Strong Women. I guess their idea of strong is they have to squat 250lbs every time they use the toilet….I just block them.

    I’ve tried out most of the OLD sites, and finding slim or athletic ones can be a problem, unless you are using a site like “Fitness Singles”. There is some incredible women on that site, they actually have to list their weight on that one, I’m amazed they can keep it running. Sadly there is no one within 150 miles of me on that site.

    On POF if I set my filters for Slim/Athletic – Ages 37-50- Range-75 miles and it often comes back with a notification stating “Expand your search, not enough profiles found in your area”…..I’ve concluded that for me locally OLD is not a great option, I’ve had better luck joining clubs where people share my physical/intellectual and spiritual passions and keep my OLD profiles up just for the slim odds of finding a Unicorn …

  5. superslaviswife on said:

    Fuzzy pictures are also used intentionally by women with premature wrinkles, lying about their age and with skin conditions. Source: anecdotes from women I volunteered with. Mommy acne and crows feet at 25 generally result in every online picture being either artfully photoshopped or blurred intentionally.

  6. I occasionally fell for the tricks when I did online dating. If there’s only one photo and it’s not perfectly clear, there is a reason. Is she standing ten feet away from the camera? Not in focus to any degree? Her face is in shadow? Above the neck only? NEXT!

    The bad photo can be a shit test. I think this may be more true now than it was a few years ago when not everyone had a good camera in their phone. If you ignore the red flags and hope for the best, you have failed, because at some level she knows you’re not very selective.

    Always do a Google image search on her photos, especially if she is using an obvious professionally done portrait. She may be using a photo from her work or other social media that will provide intel about her age and background.

  7. Hmm. This is a once-over-lightly. There’s a lot of emphasis in your article on photos, very little on the text and how to read between the lines. Maybe a follow up article or two on how to interpret profile-speak? Also, the shilling for matchmaking is getting a bit obvious. FWIW.

    • The reason for the emphasis on photos is because men are so visual and they are also frustrated by the lies told by photos, particularly old photos. As for reading between the lines of what a woman writes, it might be something to explore at some point. However, most women write very generic text – “I love to laugh, family is important, walks on the beach… blah blah blah” so there isn’t much to decode. But I have mentioned code words for bossy and domineering women in the past:

      As for the links to local stuff (South Florida), I’m looking to build some local business relationships.

    • Johnny Doe on said:

      Most women don’t have profiles worth reading. Some may be little more than “I’ll fill this out later” and others have “sarcastic” or Sarcasm” in there. Nothing more needs to be said there.

  8. Johnny Doe on said:

    7. The age factor – 29, 39, 49, 59… This is a classic. If any woman claims her age to be any number with a nine as the trailing integer, add at least four years to her age.

    Nah, just add 10 years. I get why, especially on POF with their age bracketing, but the “in” thing for women is to “mistakenly” enter a wrong birth year upon registering their profile and explain “I’m really 45, not 35 like my profile states!” so they can hope to chase a younger age group. Fair enough.

    On occasion, there will be a profile with what looks like a date of birth in the alias and the age is off a few years–as in they are a few years older than they state and their desired age range gives that away (one I remember is actually 38 by the math, but states an age of 34).

  9. Somebody on said:

    I’ve been cruising the Personals ads on CL for awhile and have noticed a dramatic change. Women refusing to post pics of themselves while demanding pics of men … “because lets face it, there has to be some attraction …”. No shit. I usually send them a nasty gram and tell them that its a woman’s job to attract a man and if she refuses to provide a pic she must be a FATTY. And jesus, these women just go ape-shit.

    If I’m going to be really mean, I usually just block them after I hit send, because I don’t need to deal with their hate. Almost all the time they are “curvy” or they don’t say at all. And a lot of these stupid bitches don’t even post their age … in their Ad they state the ages THEY ARE LOOKING FOR. And they don’t list a height either. No age, no height, no weight, and DEMAND pics of men …

    Or some use the biggest lie of all “pic-4-pic”. Which means you provide a pic and you never hear anything back.

    Its gettin ugly out there boys. These bitches be lyin their assess off and yeah, they b crazy !!!

  10. Pingback: Attraction, Dating, And Aspirational Lying | The Private Man

  11. No. 5 is a big one. (lack of body shot). I would say 80-90% of the time, you’re getting a fat girl. The other 10% of the time? Average or below average body.

    Too bad you only realize that when you finally meet up.

    Great article, PrivateMan

  12. Dear PrivateMan, just as a heads up: I am probably the only woman who grew out her hair as she got older. From the ages of 8 to 33, my immigrant Asian mother did not allow me to grow my hair long, on grounds that short hair would make me look more “alert” and energetic, and less likely to be caught off guard and victimized. I never really questioned it because I am burdened by an autism diagnosis in childhood, which for my immigrant parents meant “book-smart, but retarded otherwise”, so I wasn’t really allowed to make decisions about my life for fear that they would not be “correct”. It’s not unusual for immigrant Asian parents to believe their adult children are so stupid that they need to be kept at home (no moving out!) to be micromanaged. My parents actually had proof that I was “stupid”. For the record, I don’t “feel” autistic, and I think I function just fine in society. I don’t have social anxiety, and I’m actually quite outgoing.

    So for much of my adult life, I was forced to maintain the same cute Asian schoolgirl haircut I had when I was 8 years old. My 20’s were excruciating. I got hit on once a year by a guy who didn’t want to or wasn’t available to actually date me. But I never connected my failures to my hair.

    In my mid 20’s, I (East Asian, if it matters) started watching Bollywood movies. I was captivated by the beautiful actresses and their long, flowing hair. I wanted to be pretty, like them, but my mother’s wailing and shaming stopped any tentative attempts I made to grow out my hair. Finally, I moved out in a huff at age 33 for the freedom to grow my hair long and do other things we would file under “adulting”.

    I am 39 years old now and I am getting hit on more than I have ever been in my life. The difference is like night and day. When I look back on pictures of myself at age 29, I can see I was wearing my short hair like an ill-fitting shirt that was incompatible with the rest of my personality. I looked like an overgrown, asexual child.

    In the years since I’ve moved out, I’ve had time to reflect on my mom’s rationale. I realized that my mother believes that I have not yet “earned” or “reached” adulthood (again with the autism diagnosis) so I was never allowed to be an adult and wear my hair long, like a woman. And she never really allowed me to date. I think that my experience growing up with an abusive father (to whom she’s still married), combined with my stupidity – er, I mean, autism, caused her to believe that only predators would be attracted to me. So, to protect me from predatory, abusive men, she forced me to keep my hair short so that men wouldn’t look at me. Sadly, it worked.

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