Note: This is also posted on Red Pill Dating.
The biggest challenge for the post-divorce man and Dating 2.0 is the mixed messages they receive regarding how to do the dating thing. The classic is “tone down your masculinity yet show your masculine confidence at the same time”. It’s maddening for a guy who has been married for 15 years and is now back in the world of dating. Unfortunately, too many men back down and tone down their masculinity. In fact, that’s likely all they know after being married to a “strong and independent” woman for so many years. The guys are simply continue patterns of behavior into their new dating life.
That’s wrong and ultimately won’t work. As I’ve said before, a man must have relationship goals even before attempting dating. With those goals in mind, it’s time a shift in a man’s approach. Women respond extremely well to confidence. It’s one of their strongest attraction points.
How does a sensitive, new age guy (SNAG) balance being macho and confident with being sensitive and letting the woman have her way in dating endeavors? He can’t. There is no balance. Women demand confidence, competence, charisma, and leadership if a man is to be attractive to them. It doesn’t matter what a woman says. It’s all about their actions and those clearly display honest attraction, not those ridiculous social expectations stating what kind of man they are supposed to be attracted to.
What is a man to do regarding Dating 2.0 in a real life scenario?
1. Know his relationship goals and be ready for dating.
2. Understand and internalize that women are attracted to confidence, competence, charisma, and leadership. Working on those things will be the most difficult challenge for most guys. Expect more blog posts about those masculine elements. Also, physical appearance and health is still very important. While a man might not be able to add a few inches to his height, he can certainly work on fashion style and minor details like hair and nails. Yes, woman notice that stuff, a man should be able to deal with that maturely.
3. Be prepared for a lot of rejection, whether online or in real life. Rejection is awful but if a man is approaching women often, he’ll get used to it.
4. Never, ever ask for a date. A date proposition must be stated and confidently. For example, “I’m enjoying this conversion, give me your phone number so I can set up a date.” Not the contrast to “Um, er, would you like to go out sometime?” That approach is weak. The first date should be light and casual. No fancy dinner, no movies. Here in South Florida, there are at least four ocean piers that are perfect for a weekend daytime date. A happy hour date after work is also good.
5. Follow up with his statement by calling the woman. He must (not an option) have a plan for a simple date. If the call goes to voicemail, the message must be short and concise “This is Drew, we met at the meetup on Tuesday evening. Let’s meet at the Deerfield Beach pier this Sunday for a walk and a snack. I look forward to hearing from you.” That’s it. Lengthy explanations can easily kill initial attraction. Don’t text an offer for a date. A man should actually make the phone call.
6. Revisit point three. If she doesn’t call back, it’s a clear indicator she’s not interested. Don’t bother calling again, seriously. If she does call back, answer the phone, if possible. If she can’t make it but suggests another time or place, she’s interested. If she doesn’t counter offer, you suggest an alternative time and place. Again keep the phone call relatively short. If she says anything other than “yes” to a new plan, she’s probably not interested. Your response should be “Well, get back to me when you know your schedule for the next couple of weeks.” She probably won’t be getting back to you. That’s OK because you gave her a way to safely bail out.
7. Before the date, don’t over-share or over-communicate. You’re only met this woman once so far. A text of “goodnight” every night or “good morning” every morning is not appropriate. It reeks of desperation. And for pity’s sake, don’t be texting song lyrics or romantic poems before the actual date even if you think there’s an amazing connection. She might not feel that way and such communication will be intensely awkward for her.
8. Confirm the date via text the day before. This will give her a polite bailout opportunity. What, you don’t text? That’s a huge handicap. Upgrade your phone and text plan. If you’re going to do Dating 2.0 correctly, you will learn to be comfortable with texting.
9. Go on the date. Dress well, be reasonably punctual (she’ll be late, guaranteed), and enjoy yourself. Getting to know someone new is actually fun. I’ve given some previous advice of what not to be.
Notice that points four through nine is all about escalation. The goal is to go out on the date. Forcing the woman to do the escalating is a strategy for failure. She might be the most empowered woman on the planet but deep down, she wants to take a man’s arm as they walk along the pier knowing that she doesn’t have to make all the decisions on that date.
This is a fairly general overview of the process. The devil is in the details. With practice – and lots of mistakes – a guy can find himself doing much better with Dating 2.0.
And guys, feel free to ask questions via the comments or by contacting Red Pill Dating directly.