The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the month “September, 2013”

Inscrutable

From Merriam-Webster: “not readily investigated, interpreted, or understood : mysterious”

A man should not be an open book. When building comfort with a woman, too many men reveal too much, too quickly. The dating process is about the nice process of learning about someone. When a man puts all his cards on the table too soon, he runs the risk of excess comfort and finding himself in the FriendZone™ or revealing information that a woman finds off-putting enough for her to bail out early.

It is certainly possible to be Charismatic without revealing too much. In fact, if the Charisma is opaque, it’s even more enticing to a woman because it’s easier to build attraction. She will be very keen to learn more. Of course, if she’s got some serious feminine charm (a rare thing today) she’s also working on being inscrutable.

Being inscrutable is not just about verbally revealing too much. It’s also about big body gestures and exaggerated facial expressions. Save those for drama class. An inscrutable man is a man in control of his reactions. A wry smile can be far more effective than a broad smile in the attraction game. This also has the added benefit of making a man look confident and in control. The old cliché of “still waters run deep” certainly applies to the masculine character.

Yes, this advice goes against the “be yourself” mantra stressed by mothers, sisters, and close female friends. But if “being yourself” is not getting a man’s relationship goals met and leaving him miserable, it’s time to adapt and change. It’s difficult because the post-divorce man has decades of behavioral habits ingrained. Fortunately, humans are remarkably adaptable and only a lazy man would refuse to be adaptable.

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The Eyes Have It

[Note: Further updates will be in the comments of this page of my blog. Dating and attraction advice is too important to be sidetracked on my main blog.]

This is a rather personal post because this past week has been rather eventful for me. A routine eye exam last Friday led to a visit to the worst type of doctor to be referred to. I don’t mean the proctologist. I mean oncologist, the cancer specialist.

My appointment today was with my new retinal oncologist. Put simply, I have eye cancer. More specifically, I have a choroidal melanoma. It’s a rare cancer with only four in a million people affected by it. Because it’s a melanoma, the cancer is considered malignant and so my doctor(s) must act quickly lest it spread.

I received the diagnosis just three days ago when I went to the Rand Eye Institute at the absolute insistence of the first eye doctor I saw. In fact, he wanted me to go the same day I saw him. I went on Monday. The retinologist (there is such a thing) did some serious examinations – including an ultra sound. Then he sat me down to look at photos of both retinas. It was quite clear the my right retina wasn’t right. The appointment with the retinal oncologist was made. His parting words “stay off the Internet” meaning “your research will freak you out.”

Of course I did my research and yes, I did get freaked out. Enucleation – eyeball removal – is one of the common “treatments”. Another treatment is plaque radiation. I get to keep my eye but radiation retinopathy will ultimately result. No matter which one, my right eye is basically fucked. I spent a couple of days wondering what it would be like to have only one eye. That’s a mental exercise I thought I would never have in my life.

So today, after a long motorcycle ride down to South Miami (I live in the Fort Lauderdale area) and another battery of tests, the oncologist confirmed the diagnosis. I do indeed have a choroidal melanoma. It’s a small/medium-sized tumor and the treatment is plaque radiation, not eyeball removal. Of course, today was national “talk like a pirate” day so I asked about eye patch possibilities. The doctor nixed it. After treatment, I need to use my right eye so it heals up faster after all those roentgens have bombarded it.

On October 8, I check myself into a Miami hospital for a four night stay and some serious medical treatment on my hapless eyeball. With so much radiation going on, the treatment is complex and expensive. I do have health insurance but there will be costs that I must cover personally. Welcome to American health care.

Plaque radiation has some curious elements to it. For one, a physicist will be part of the surgical team. That’s the person who calculates the level of radioactivity to be delivered to my tumor. The radioactive plaque will be custom made for me and must be delivered in a way so as not to contaminate the area. After the initial surgery, visitors must stay six feet away and wear a lead shield. I won’t be allowed to leave my room. I’ll be radioactive, baby!

Hopefully, I’ll be able to blog about all this and get some cool photos.

Dragon*Con Photos Part 1

Here are a bunch of Dragon*Con photos. Expect another batch soon (Alex, that’s you!)

The famous Dragon*Con parade and I couldn't see anything because it was so crowded.

The famous Dragon*Con parade and I couldn’t see anything because it was so crowded.

After the parade, the main drag in Atlanta was closed for a bit so pedestrians could walk around.

After the parade, the main drag in Atlanta was closed for a bit so pedestrians could walk around.

Evangelical Christians recruit the Hulk to get folks to repent.

Evangelical Christians recruit the Hulk to get folks to repent.

 

Of course there is a back to that sign.

Of course there is a back to that sign.

There was even a Dragon*Con bus route.

There was even a Dragon*Con bus route.

Insider the level two vendor hall. It got very busy.

Insider the level two vendor hall. It got very busy.

Part of my job was to emboss stainless steel rings using this tool kit. Yeah, I was lord of the rings.

Part of my job was to emboss stainless steel rings using this tool kit. Yeah, I was lord of the rings.

I bought a new kilt and sporran to fit in. Damn, I look good.

I bought a new kilt and sporran to fit in. Damn, I look good.

Cool costume. He was a nice guy, too.

Cool costume. He was a nice guy, too.

Random booth visitor.

Random booth visitor.

Steampunk arm. The guy really was in a wheel chair because he had a prosthetic leg!

Steampunk arm. The guy really was in a wheel chair because he had a prosthetic leg!

Back outside and the Super Mario folks were posing for photos.

Back outside and the Super Mario folks were posing for photos.

Popular booth - t-shirts and anime DVDs (I think).

Popular booth – t-shirts and anime DVDs (I think).

Like I said, there will be more coming.

Dragon*Con Final Day

Dragon*Con 2013 has ended. The geeks and nerds have dispersed from downtown Atlanta. I’m on the road heading back to South Florida and staying in a wee ‘burg in southern Georgia for the night. I’ve got lots of photos to post but driving and rest takes precedence.

I did meet two of my blog readers. One of them, Alex, was cool enough to volunteer his time to help us with booth stuff, especially when it was time to back up and head back down South. The other reader, John was really cool and actually paid attention to my bombastic (HT Dagonet) nature.

I will post all sorts of photos from Dragon*Con 2013. It was legendary (at least from me).

Dragon*Con 2nd & 3rd Days

There was a parade.

There were crowds.

There were costumes.

There were interesting people.

There was an interview with public radio (Orlando affiliate)

There was directing attendees to the 2nd level of Dragon*Con exhibitors/dealers (people selling stuff) and video to come soon.

Here are some photos.

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CostumeAward1

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