The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the day “July 1, 2011”

I’ve Had No Bad Dates, Seriously

In the past year or so of online dating, I’ve been out on a lot of dates. I’m very good at “dated briefly”. Looking back at the several dozen dates (mostly first, some second, far fewer third) I’ve had since I’ve started this, I can honestly report that none of them have been bad. I’ve never dealt with anger, bitterness, or psychotic behavior. I’ve met some very nice women (I don’t chase girls) and have had some very enjoyable time talking and sharing life stories with these mostly intelligent and interesting women.

I’ve never been stood up and only one woman has canceled without a counter offer. Actually, she might re-appear when she returns from Canada. Of course, online flaking is rampant but I pay that no heed. Online is not real life so real life behavior is not my expectation.

As for the results? I’ve kissed a few, had sex with a few, and have even started three or four nascent relationships. But most women after our first date have sent me a polite “you’re not the one” email the next day.

There are some women with whom I still communicate to get their take on the dating scene here in South Florida. It’s all been quite civilized despite the overall nature of Dating 2.0 and the fact that South Florida is more akin to Los Angeles in regards to the whole dating scene.

Perhaps some might regard me as a Lothario. Some might say that I’m really good at dating, whatever that means. If this indeed a form of successful dating, I have some reasons why.

  1. Being of a certain age. I’ve mellowed. My cock doesn’t make decisions for me any more. The women have mellowed, too. What is considered normal dating behavior for a 20-something cupcake is heinously awful once the rubicon of kids and 40 years has been crossed. I’m not saying that a 40-something woman still has unrealistic expectations. A woman over a certain age is generally more reliable and less flaky.
  2. Having a good system. I am very consistent with my approach to online dating and real life dating. I screen profiles very carefully looking for attractive (to me), intelligent, and non-batshit crazy women. Customized messages to women go out in batches of 20 every week or so. Positive responses are met with some back and forth online correspondence. The messages escalate to a phone call. The first phone call ends with a time and date for an ice cream date. We have the date, talk, do some gauging, and see what happens. By the way, I never ask what she wants to do, it’s always my job to arrange the details of the first date.
  3. Keeping at least three women in the online or real life pipeline. This makes that accepting rejection or cutting my losses is almost too easy. It also means that I usually have at least one first date every weekend, sometimes more. It’s not expensive because dinner is not involved, just ice cream and maybe a couple of drinks. This also prevents oneitis.
  4. Maintaining low expectations. With only small expectations – just showing up is enough – regarding my dates, I don’t build up some sort of mental narrative that involves seduction or more. I sense that the women are doing the same thing with me and I find that quite healthy. It’s the age and experience thing.
  5. Knowing Game. I actually don’t have to use it very often on dates. Only when I sense just a little attraction do I use many elements of Game. I am an Olympic-class flirter and can wield the sword of humor like a Ninja. When necessary, I ooze confidence. Yeah, I’m boasting. Game knowledge also applies to texting prior to dates and subsequent to dates. Brevity is the soul of wit.
  6. Living for the last seven months in a great dating locale. It’s part old-Florida, part tourist destination. It’s safe and with many good places for food, drinks, walking, etc. There is even a night club (of sorts) for dancing. An evening amble on the beach or on the fishing pier is always popular. The age mix is great. Families, teens, young adults, professionals, and retirees are blended together with tourists and snowbirds. My dates come to me because everyone knows and enjoys the village where I live. All dating is done on foot with walking times reduced to mere seconds. Should the date go particularly well, it’s but a quick hand in hand stroll to my abode d’amour. It’s also particular good for practicing day Game.

I think most guys can accomplish the first five items on that list without too much difficulty. The sixth is obviously based on geography and not many men can easily move to another place.

It would be very nice to be in a healthy long-term relationship. I can’t deny that. A warm, respectful, affectionate, and intimate relationship with a woman of character, attraction, passion, and pleasantness is my ultimate goal. But until that one very special women shows up, I can deal with this dating business quite contentedly.

Judgmental Bitch Meets Online Dating

I regularly peruse a variety of blogs including those of single women. I also often look at feminist blogs. Sometimes, the feminist bloggers post on their own, personal lives. While I find feminism to generally be a socially corrosive ideology, feminist bloggers do tend to express their thoughts – especially regarding their personal lives – a bit better than some ditzy dame bitching online about her husband or the lack of a good manicure place in her neighborhood.

This particular blogger is a twenty something New York City attorney. She’s certainly attractive, perhaps an 8/8 (man jaw alert!). Given her career, political activism, political philosphy, she would require hard asshole Game to bed her.

I’m not going to link directly to the blog where she blogged the post.  The cross post would be picked up by WordPress and that would land a bunch of young feminists squarely into my part of the Net and squarely in the middle of the Manosphere. I also request any comments to not link to the blog post should it be found.

She is writing honestly about her online dating experiences and I’ve snagged a couple of good paragraphs to comment on:

I got a lot of stupid, sleazy and/or borderline-illiterate messages which I deleted after circulating to friends for laughs, but the handful of dudes I actually met in real life (which to be fair was a grand total of like 5 dudes, so small sample size) were all totally nice and normal and I’ve remained friendly with a few, even if I didn’t end up wanting to boyfriend any of them.

What’s particularly nice about online dating, though, is the ability to auto-eliminate the people who you definitely are not going to get along with. He lists The Da Vinci Code as his favorite book? Rejected. Are those wrap-around Oakleys? Rejected. Really, Creed? Rejected. Shirtless photo? Rejected. “I like to have fun and hang out with my friends.” Original! Rejected. Did he really not spell-check this thing? Rejected. Etc etc.

An attractive 20-something girl has the luxury of screening out for such mind-blowingly shallow reasons. The problem is that when she finds herself single again in her late thirties – after the big cash-out divorce from her beta provider husband and hitting the wall of attractiveness – she will still have this selection process baggage left over from her 20s. As a side note, she currently only dates “hot men”.

Online dating makes it easier to be a judgmental bitch, I guess is what I’m saying. And in matters of the heart, I think being a judgmental bitch is a pretty good idea. That doesn’t mean rejecting people for any perceived flaw — the thing about people is that everyone is terribly flawed, and the trick is finding someone whose flaws are tolerable and maybe even kind of endearing, or at least not entirely soul-crushing — but it does mean knowing what you can’t deal with, and not involving yourself with someone out of a sense of obligation or desperation or “I’m a nice person”-ness. Straight women especially are often told that we’re too picky, and if we ever want to get married we should accept the overtures of any Good Men who cross out paths. That is ridiculous. Be picky and end up with someone you actually like.

She identifies herself as a judgmental bitch. She’s likely a “fiesty” girl with a “strong and independent” nature. The alphas she meets online in New York City will simply hump and dump her because, well, she’s a judgmental bitch. She is quite likely under the delusion that men will find her career and achievements attractive and so will be suprised as hell that she’s been humped and dumped so many times before she meets her beta provider.

There’s no point going on about how her life will turn out. Red pill men already know. There are, however, some key points about online dating to take away:

  • Messages and profiles are used for female, public amusement.
  • Online dating actually works to get normal dates.
  • Women will reject for the slightest of reasons.
  • Beware of bossy and domineering women

Post Navigation