The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the category “About Me”

The Private Man Has Completed His Journey

It is with great sadness that I have to inform everyone that Andrew Hansen a.k.a. The Private Man has completed his journey as of 9:27 PM April 3 2017.

As many know unfortunately his cancer had returned a few weeks ago and there was not much to be done to help him. He chose to face it head-on rather then try experimental treatments. His greatness and courage in the face of knowing his own mortal demise is an inspiration for us all.

It’s a great loss for not only all that followed his writing and his teachings but for those of us who consider him a friend. His last days were as comfortable as possible and he passed peacefully.

I can only hope that he realized how many peoples lives he touched and we were all better for knowing him. As the saying goes “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”

Also I want to announce that this site will stay up. For any of his commenters I am Mark AKA Richard Cranium and I am honored and humbled that he is chosen me to keep his teachings and writings alive. There is much knowledge and wisdom to be learned here and I will do my best to keep his legacy preserved.

Godspeed my friend. Your time with us was short but meaningful.


My Going Away Party

UPDATE 3/7/2017

The party was a lot of fun. Thanks to all who attended and special thanks to all who helped!

UPDATE 3/3/2017 @10:42AM



So, my cancer went terminal recently. It’s now called Stage 4 Metastatic Liver Cancer. But despite this uncomfortable news, I have been granted a unique gift. I have a bit of time left. So, to that end, rather than just die miserably from liver failure, I’ll carve out some time and have a fine going away party! Seriously. This will likely be the last chance to cast your gaze upon my glorious visage and hear me wax bombastically on a variety of topics.

I’ve made arrangements to get a Saturday night (March 4) reservation at one of favorite places here in Boynton Beach. Here are the details:

March 4, 2017 @ 6:30PM (through at least 8:30PM)
The Living Room Pub
1709 North Congress Ave
Boynton Beach Florida 33426

Local hotels:

As both hotels are within walking distance, it’s not necessary to rent a car unless you want to check out South Florida in all its weirdness. The beach is quite close. Tri-Rail serves both the Miami and Fort Lauderdale airports. Uber is available from the West Palm Beach airport. Also, Uber will get you from a Tri-Rail station (Boynton Beach) to the hotels.

There is, however, a chance that I won’t be at my own going away party. That would be because I would have already gone away. If that’s the case, it’ll be a memorial party. No matter, this party will be fun with music, drink specials, and some really cool people. Maybe even a bunch of crazy motorcyclists from ADVRider will show up.

So, for my readers and Twitter followers, book your flight. Get your collective asses down here. Don’t waste this opportunity.

You’re welcome. Oh, and let me know if you’re coming.

[For those not aware of what’s going on with my health, here are a couple of links…

Most recent update:

Full backstory:]

Frame – Three Quick Personal Stories

It is both a blessing and a curse to live in a town where all the locals know, or know of, everyone. It’s a unique place because it’s surrounded by a large metropolitan area, Fort Lauderdale. But once across the bridge over the Intracoastal Waterway, the city is left behind and the smallish seaside town of Lauderdale-By-The-Sea takes over.

There is a healthy turnover of tourists and part-time residents (“snowbirds”). Separate from that population are the folks who live here permanently. That’s me and a small few thousand. During the off-season, summer, when the hot and humid nastiness smothers us, the local population is together. Normally, we all mostly get along with a polite friendliness and some typical gossip. Of course, familiarity does breed some contempt.

There are three local women who loathe me. They are all older than me, if not in age, in hard-bitten experience with too much tough living along with past and present bad decisions. I won’t go into details of a life in the sun does to the skin. All three have this problem. With their tough hides come tough personalities. Sophisticated, these dames ain’t.

Why they loathe me, I have a hunch why but it’s not particularly relevant here. I pay them little attention aside from being briefly cordial. I know they loathe me from a few verbal exchanges that were inflicted on me. For each of the three woman, I took a different tactic but held to my strategy of having very strong frame. Some background here… in each exchange, the women were drunk to some degree.

The first incident happened at my local neighborhood dive bar. I was sitting across the bar, not talking to anyone, my dog at my feet. I was fiddling around with my smart phone. My dog, sitting on the floor next to me, barked a couple of times.

“Andrew! Shut that fucking dog up!” screamed a woman from the other side of the bar. This was one of the women in town who loathes me.

I just looked at the woman and didn’t say anything. The bartender, a good guy and almost standing between us, wasn’t getting involved.

In an attempt to escalate, the woman continued and screamed at me again. “You’re a fucking scumbag!”. Having a good frame, I came back with a classic agree and amplify.

“You’re right Laurie! I’m a scumbag! I come from a family of scumbags!”

She glared at me. I continued.

“My father was a scumbag, my grandfather was a scumbag…”

Her glare got worse.

“but my great-grandfather was a total douchebag!”

With that, the bartender burst out laughing. Several other patrons overhearing the verbal exchange also started laughing. I quickly went back to my smart phone. I didn’t waste a further look at the woman.

The next incident came from my neighbor, a woman I’ve written about her previously. She often spends her evenings sitting outside, smoking cigarettes and drinking cheap beer until she gets obstreperous with the drink. The booze melts what little of a verbal filter she still possesses. Because of temporary Internet connectivity issues I had to walk past her towards the back of the building to capture a Wifi signal on my phone. She was ready at ambush me verbally when I walked past the old lady and gave her a polite greeting as I always do.

“You going back there like the loser neighbor?”

The neighbor in the front unit also sometimes does the same thing because of Wifi issues.

“Yup, I have connectivity issues” I replied.

“You’re a fucking loser like her” was her pithy retort. I was not fazed because I’ve experienced this kind of stuff from her previously. I simply laughed and continued walking.

On return a few minutes later, she continued. “You piss me off so much because…” She spouted off a things about my work schedule (I work a lot from home) and that I had no shame or some such nonsense, yadda yadda yadda. I actually stopped to address her, with a smirk on my face.

“Your emotional response to me is not my problem. That’s your problem” I said pleasantly. “I actually make you angry? That’s something you have control over.” This stymied her completely. She was expecting a defensive, snarling response from me.

“I’ll remember that…” she said with a stammer. I didn’t know if it was a defensive comment or an acknowledgement. I didn’t care. I was still focusing on my frustrating ‘Net connectivity issue.

As I walked into my place, the old broad had a classy parting shot.

“You’re such a loser, you can only date niggers!”

“Wow, stay classy” was my calm response and I closed the door behind me.

Yes, she escalated to that point because she was desperate to break my frame by using a personal attack that is actually true. I was indeed involved with a lovely black woman and my curmudgeonly neighbor had met her on several occasions. This black woman was also from England with an hilarious Birmingham accent to go along with her lovely and dark-skinned visage. She thought I was a wanker and I thought she was a pain in the butt. Ah, ain’t dating grand? [Update, 01/01/2016 – P is reading this now]

It is now at least a month later and my old lady neighbor does not even acknowledge my existence. No matter, I still offer a pleasant greeting each time I see her. I thank that galls her in some way. Excellent.

The third woman in this string of estrogen wonder confronted me at my local pub hangout. She and another woman were bitching about Lucy, my ugly dog. I was ignoring them while I sipped ginger ale and worked on a blog post on my laptop. There were some comments about how I took care of my dog (Lucy the ugly dog was with me, as usual) but nothing really personal as my old lady neighbor had done.

Later in the evening, one of the women moved to the other side of the bar because the other had left. I was only vaguely aware of her move until she started yelling at me.

“You’re a jack ass, Andrew!” The place was pretty crowded so her loud insult wasn’t heard by many. I glanced up at her and said nothing. I looked down at my keyboard because I was gnawing on a stubborn sentence. She yelled something at me again. I completely ignored her. Eventually, she lost interest and began bothering the guy sitting closest to her. Poor fellow.

In all three instances, I never let my frame waver. I used several of the tactics I learned from reading Manosphere blogs. There was agree and amplify, amused mastery, and completely ignoring someone. The unflappable man doesn’t let words faze him. None of these three women did anything physical. They were attempting to start a fight with words. I didn’t let it happen.

[If you liked this blog post, please click the Donate button or support my Patreon efforts. Thanks!]


Go Ahead, Shame Men

Confession time for The Private Man. In 1992, I worked seriously with the South Carolina Democratic Party when I was living in Charleston. That’s right, I’m a Democrat. When Bill Clinton was running, Hillary became a negative to his campaign efforts. She caught flak for being a “strong and independent” woman. At the time, there was a standard response to ANY criticism of Mrs. Clinton:

You’re just intimidated by a strong and independent woman.

Back in the early 90s, a few years before the Internet and the spread of knowledge of human behavior to about a zillion guys, this comeback was reasonably effective and shutting up the critic. Even in 1992, the ideology of progressive had a strong hold on our culture. In 1988, George Bush (the original model) cleverly turned the word “liberal” into an insult during his campaign against Michael Dukakis. This is one of the main reasons why those on the left now refer to themselves primarily as “progressives”. Yeah, I like social and cultural history.

The insults to shut down discussions haven’t stopped. It’s a standard rhetorical tactic. There’s a whole list of them here. It’s also in my blog roll so my readers have the tools to prepare for such insults. However, the words, by themselves, ultimately end up being meaningless when confronted with the end result actions. It’s the general disrespect of men and masculinity that spurs men into actions.

When the social contract between the sexes broke down, a new era of conflict between men and women erupted, most often through ideological proxies. As men and women are so vastly different, some form of verbal conflict is inevitable. But when that conflict inserts itself into strong social expectations, the social manifestation becomes very clear if completely unintentional.

The current conflict between the sexes is a fuzzy mix of ideology and biology. The fuzz is exacerbated when attraction, dating, and relationships are stirred into the mix.
Let’s make it even worse with personal agendas and conflict within individuals. The conflict within ourselves is between resolve biology with social expectations.

Red Pill knowledge is partially about sorting out the conflicts and personal agendas through understanding human behavior with its consistency and predictability. We’re not special snowflakes. We’re Homo sapiens complete with 500K years of psychological and behavioral evolution behind us. Civilization is a finger snap of time and social expectations require the blunt forces of culture, religion, and social enforcement. The enforcement element is most often

Shaming is an example of such social enforcement. The shame is expressed through insults. Men catch a raft of such insults, especially when they have the unmitigated gall of questioning social expectations or. worse, act on their own self-interest. As men, we know all know the insults – man-boy, Peter Pan, commitment phobe, whiny baby, and so many others. I’m particularly fond of “man up!” because that one has two meanings depending on who is saying it.

I had originally envisioned this blog post as advice for men to cope with such insults. It doesn’t require a long essay. It boils down to this – ignore the insults and do what you want within the law. It’s encouraging to read that the actions of growing numbers of men are demonstrating that they are indeed ignoring the shaming language and doing what they choose to. From this we have men’s rights activism (MRA), men going their own way (MGTOW), and masculine self-improvement (MSI). PUA is part of MSI.

The Internet allows men to find strength to resist the insults and sundry bullshit that comes with destructive, anti-choice social expectations. That strength comes from talking among ourselves as men. It’s the new men’s club. With some righteous masculine solidarity, insults and shame mean nothing. We can share well-researched but socially unpopular statistics and truths. Better, we can help each other to resist.

This strength among men is getting some serious push back. The insults get meaner, the attacks get personal, and men’s livelihoods are threatened. This push back can be handled relatively easily with humor and increased anonymity. Digital insults are just words. Men are responding with actions. The biggest example is the decline of marriage. The other great example is men understanding that “strong and independent™” are great for sex but not worthy of commitment

As for that push back, there is a huge threat that looms large and it’s already starting. Freedom of expression is under direct attack. Changing the laws is the next tactic wielded by those with hostility towards men and masculinity. In the interim, denying a place for public speech (in real life) is the current tactic. It’s only a matter of time until “hate speech” (any words or ideas that run counter to “accepted” speech) is outlawed with the power of law enforcement and criminal courts used to back it up.

There is a counterattack to that, thankfully. Use the laws equally, regardless of the ideology that promulgates the “hate speech”. It’s a short-term solution, at best. Any laws restricting free speech can completely stifle ANY free expression. This will result in a culture incapable of critical thought and open discussion.

What this means for men trying to improve themselves is that verbal caution is still necessary. The Red Pill subreddit and other forums tell many tales of MRAs don’t need that and haven’t been restrained in their words. The MGTOW crowd can simply keep on the same path because, frankly, when it comes to fucks, none are given from them.

It really doesn’t matter if a man is “intimidated” by  a “strong and independent woman”. It doesn’t matter if he’s a “man-boy” or that he “whines”. Those are simple subjective descriptions. If manhood and masculinity is denigrated enough, men act. They pull away. Men aren’t stupid, they respond to incentives and disincentives. Social shaming is a tremendous disincentive for strong and independent men to following social norms.

Heaping shame and disrespect on men’s head will cause him to rightfully turn to tactics and strategies to accomplish their own goals on their own terms. This is encouraging. When I learn of men improving themselves or responding in other ways such as becoming MRAs of MGTOWs, I rejoice, as must all men. Here’s the punchline: if men taking social shaming seriously and then adjusting their behaviors to toe the social line, they lose respect from men and women alike.

[If you liked this blog post, please click the Donate button or support me through my Patreon efforts.]

Lurkers Of The World, Unite! (Again)

It’s been three years since I asked for my blog’s lurkers to “out” themselves here in this digital auditorium. So, I’m doing it again. Because this blog has been around for awhile, I strongly suspect that many of the readers since my last call-out of lurkers have moved on and a new group has moved in.

I want you lurkers to identify yourselves. You don’t have to say anything except the following:

1. Age
2. Gender
3. Location
4. How you found my blog

If you want to give compliments to my blog, I won’t say no. If you have suggestions, speak up. If you think I’m just an old windbag, get off my lawn. If you’re a hater, your comment won’t make it through moderation.

I’ll leave this post up for a few days so folks have a chance to comment. I also hope to respond to each comment.

You regulars, stay out of this. This is between me and my lurkers.

[If you lurkers want to donate or support me, the Donate button is on every page and it’s easy to get to my Patreon page]

Need Personalized Attraction & Dating Advice? Skype Me (Google+, too)

[Note: This blog post is always displayed at the top of my home page. For my most recent blog post, scroll down past this particular post]

Let’s start with a pleased client:

But with all the taboo around the pill it makes us men looks like women-hating misogynists and other naturals may not know what the hell “game” is. They just get it.

The Private Man just gets it too. You can schedule live lessons with him via Skype like I did and he’ll ask you introspective and goal-oriented questions to get you on the right track. It’s refreshing to have someone I can talk pill-lingo with and have someone just get it. The Private Man did not wait to criticize my looks, quickly learned what I’m struggling with in game, provided resources on how to improve my weaknesses, and created milestones for our next live meetings.

I highly recommend this type of one-on-one with the Private Man.

I did this a couple of years ago and got a nice response. So, I’m doing it again. I’ve now got much more research, observation, and experience under my belt so I’m even more prepared to help all men with attraction and dating advice from a truly honest perspective. Here’s a video so you can see and hear me.

This is all done via Skype only, audio and video. Each session is recorded (optional) so it can be reviewed. As well, I provide exercises and “homework” customized for each person. Here is a just a partial list of things that I can help with:

  • The mistakes you might be making once you’ve established an initial connection, whether online or in person.
  • Online dating advice including profile photos and text.
  • What you’re getting right or wrong during the dating process.
  • General encouragement for you to keep on with dating. It’s not easy, I know. My own mistakes (and how I fixed them), observations, and research will be helpful for you.
  • A safe place to vent. Guys get frustrated when dating and life  gets difficult. There are few places where some righteous disgust can be expressed without the tut-tutting of the feminine imperative getting in the way. I ain’t the feminine imperative.

Here is what you need before we can begin:

  • A Skype account and video capabilities on your computer or smart device. I’m Drewsky1962, add me as a contact. On Google+, I’m (Private Man)
  • A statement about your relationship goals.
  • A willingness to listen and implement specific solutions (I don’t give platitudes)

Each session will about an hour in length and I ask that you click the donate button at the end of all sessions. If you’re in South Florida, I can do in-person conversations.

Please note that I don’t give advice about serious, long-term relationships, I refer men and women to Athol Kay for that. However, I can refer guys to so to some other good informational websites for such things as fashion, health and diet, fitness, social skills, and more. While my blog is mostly aimed at men, I would be pleased to offer advice to post-divorce single women, too. Or, those women can hit up EMK or Bobbi Palmer because these two excellent and successful coaches have a 100% female clientele.

I’m very much looking forward to helping people. Because of my regular work in the technology sector, I’m particularly empathetic to attraction and dating challenges faced by technologists. So nerds, hit me up… we could talk about the perils of Agile software development.

[The Donate button is always available for clicking. You’ll find it on the top, right of every page or post in my blog.]

Labor Day Weekend Blog Post Mélange

I was recently hanging out with a very loyal reader, Boris (such a great pseudonym!). We had a nice discussion about the Manosphere, women, and our recent experiences with both. Some of the conversation was rather personal and so I won’t share it here. Thankfully, the conversation brought up three disparate topics that a worthy of exploring just a bit. As well, there is a bonus (and relatively brief) video to share.

1. Boris raised a very interesting problem faced by newcomers to the Manosphere and Red Pill wisdom. He spoke of a roadmap or a path for such newcomers to follow once they are introduced to this way of thinking. There are so many Manosphere blogs and websites that it is confusing and overwhelming. Where does a guy start? My blog is, admittedly, poorly categorized with too many almost-random posts. Many Mansphere blogs are much the same way.

As Boris said, “there is no ‘start here’ Manosphere/Red Pill web page”. He brought this up because a friend of his eventually joined us and Boris wanted to talk about the Manosphere. There are certainly many good blog for his friend to read but as a total newbie to this part of the web, that friend is presented with an intellectual briar patch and with no obvious entry. This presents a great opportunity for any Manosphere blogger, including me. I’ll be thinking a lot about this over the weekend.

2. Boris sometimes visits strip clubs here in Broward County. There are plenty of such places to chose from here and he knows several of them. Boris made it very clear that he knew the game with strippers and simply used the stripper and strip club experience as a “flight simulator”. I thought the analogy was wickedly funny and equally true. He gets to practice his charisma but knows that he’s not leaving the runway, so to speak. If he can get a few phone numbers without tossing around a few sawbucks (20 dollar bills), he’s gained some valuable practice in the flight simulator.

3. Boris’s friend, Sergei (sticking with Russian pseudonyms) presented a great new bit of dating nomenclature that needs to be spread around, especially for post-divorce guys. You’ve heard of the “cougar”, of course. Sergei mentioned the term “snow leopard”. He wasn’t referring to the endangered predatory cat from the Himalayas. He was referring to predatory women of a certain age where their hair is white. The visual image of that term is very amusing and not without truth as I have seen on the online dating website, “OurTime”. So let’s work on spreading this term around. We’ve already got twigging and quantum selection going, the nomenclature hat-trick is quite the linguistic coup.

And now, the bonus video! This was me experimenting with a few outside shots at a local restaurant with and outdoor bar. It was noisy but I think I had the sound sorted out so my voice came through clearly. Because this is only a brief experiment, I’m not going to categorize this as a video podcast.

[If you like this blog post, click the Donate button at the top of the page or subscribe to my Patreon effort. Thanks!]




Mr. Cellophane

One of my Twitter followers is a fine fellow from Israel who sometimes writes for The Times of Israel (it’s in English) and is also is the editor of a publication in Hebrew but with English available. Avi Woolf is his name (on Twitter, @AviWoolf). This post will not be about middle-east geo-politics, be advised. My blog doesn’t cover such issues because such discussions do little or nothing to enhance a man’s charisma. Worse, such discussions can too easily turn a man into a blowhard, a truly ugly character.

In his writing for The Times of Israel, Avi brought up the concept of “Mr. Cellophane”. It’s a brilliant analogy. There is much talk in the Manosphere about the large majority of invisible men. In reality, these men are not quite invisible. Rather, they can be seen but only in the context when they are useful, particularly to women. So, the Mr. Cellophanes, like real cellophane, are only visible when having a function that serves the feminine imperative. In fact, the only time we notice cellophane is when we run out of it. The same goes for the Mr. Cellophanes. When not available, there loss is bemoaned by the estrogen set.

Being  useful is not a bad masculine quality in itself because men are essentially builders. The desire to be useful is something most men possess. One could argue that such a feeling is hardwired into a man’s DNA, sociopaths and psychopaths not withstanding. The problem is being exploited, especially by women, makes a man even more invisible. Mr. Cellophane becomes a schmuck in that regard. He might be exploited for his labor, his money, or his kindly emotional demeanor. Regardless, the key word here is “exploited.”

In describing a particular scenario that happens too frequently with men, I created the Twitter hashtag #IHaveSelfRespect. Mr. Cellophane doesn’t have much self respect and any that he manages to scrape up is usually at his own expense through being exploited. Yes, I see the irony there. By directly addressing these masculine issues, Avi Woolf is helping otherwise transparent but useful men reclaim their self respect. I’m doing much the same thing. In fact, Avi has given me lots of credit for positively impacting his world view regarding social situations and women. I find it flattering that he might be passing along my thoughts to his readers in Israel. That gets the #facepalm hashtag from me.

For my male readers who indulge in the world of Twitter, I would like you to use that hashtag in the context of a Tweet where you state how you did something worth of your own respect. I think this would be a great exercise in getting men to better value themselves. Self respect doesn’t have to be garnered solely when dealing with women. Self respect can come through showing backbone in any context, social or not. Through this blog, I happen to focus on the social elements to life. A man mastering a skill on his own without any kind of social context can revel in self respect quite nicely. Consider a motorcyclist who becomes proficient in counter-steering all by himself without any kudos from his fellow motorcyclists. That’s #Ihaveselfrespect material, right there.

I urge Avi Woolf to keep writing for the Mr. Cellophanes of this world (or, of Israel as it may be). I do take issue with his Twitter avatar because, well, it’s ugly just like my dog. I think Avi and I have much the same goal in helping men to be better men. And guys, don’t be so transparent as to the point of invisibility. Don’t be a Mr. Cellophane.

[If you liked this blog post, support my continued efforts through my Patreon or click the Donate button at the top, left side of this page. Thanks!]

Two Questions For My Readers

These are not grand philosophical questions about attraction and dating. These are two questions whose answers might help me better reach my readership. Y’all can answer via the comments, email (see my contact page), or Twitter.

Question 1…

There is a new mobile app for live video broadcasts. It’s called Periscope and would allow me to do such live broadcasts. The app is now owned by Twitter and I’ve seen a few live broadcasts and they looked pretty good. I tried YouTube’s live broadcast function and found it to be hard to use and the final output had too much lag for it to be any good.

If I did start doing such broadcasts would you be willing to download the app and watch the broadcasts? It is possible to use your computer’s browser but I have yet to get access to the real time chat function. Please let me know.

Question 2…

Back in 2013, I held a live meet-up for Spring Break here in Lauderdale-by-the-Sea. About a dozen or so guys showed up and it was a good social event. I am proposing doing another meet-up for Spring Break, March, 2016. The meet-up would be either the weekends of March 4-6 or March 11-13. All would be welcome and it would be a casual get-together. If there is sufficient interest, I could organize an event or two to provide some additional structure. Again, let me know.

Thanks, y’all.

Video Podcast 6 – Bald & Evil

This blog post requires you to watch two YouTube videos. The first is from DarkAntics, a popular YouTuber who typically creates videos that cover cultural issues. In the 17 minute video below, he covers the problematic nature of a man being bald and how masculine baldness is stereotyped as evil. [Yes, I understand the irony and satire that he’s communicating, just work with me here, OK?]

Did you like that video? I particularly enjoyed the ending where DarkAntics embraces his evil based on the bald man stereotype. Like him, I embrace that negative bald stereotypes. In fact, I responded to that in my own video. Here it is [I’m getting some inconsistent video playback on my end but it might just be this computer. Regardless, the sound is all there]

So my weekend plans, storm notwithstanding, is to lay in some plans for world domination. I might enlist DarkAntics as a henchman plus any other bald guys who want to join me.

I give special thanks to Rollo Tomassi over at The Rational Male and Aaron Clarey of Captain Capitalism fame. Supporting them supports me.

[If you liked this video podcast in all its bald and evil glory, hit the Donate button on this page or support me via Patreon. Thanks!]



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