The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the category “Rationalization Hamster”

Be A Unicorn

I read way too many dating and relationship blogs. The mainstream, blue pill dating and relationship advice – usually dispensed by women – is actually destructive to dating and relationships. The realistic, Red Pill dating advice is quite good. My two go-to sources are Evan Marc Katz and Moxie (links below). Those two I consider to be giving some of the best advice around for the over 35 crowd.

A common source of frustration for women over 35 is the lack of “suitable” single men. Both Evan and Moxie have a standard response and it goes something like this, in essance:

You’re looking for a unicorn. Lose the long list of requirements and be open to meeting and dating different types of men.

It’s sound advice for frustrated women looking for their next relationship. Moxie tends to be blunter and less diplomatic. Evan uses more measured language. To that sage advice I would add the dating exercise for women (link below) to get women to notice the good in men and men in general.

The necessity of Evan’ and Moxie’s advice is a call for men to be that unicorn so many women seek. DNA might not be good to some men (short or physically unattractive) but most guys can work on the skills and appearance necessary to increase their attractiveness and be unicorn-like.

The Dating 2.0 landscape is very different that the one men over 40 dealt with in their youth. First of all, women have financial independence. This is both a blessing and a curse for them. It’s a blessing because they don’t need a man strictly for finances. This gives them dating options they usually don’t exercise because of the curse of financial independence – hypergamy. with far more women graduating college, this curse will only get worse (link below).

Just earning a good salary is no longer enough for a man to generate hypergamy-based attraction. He has to be show that he is “higher” through a list of alternatives (links provided, as necessary):

1. Confidence – Taking the lead in dating shows this and sets a man “higher” than his peers.

2. Risk Taking – It doesn’t have to be bungy jumping.

3. Style  – You can’t dress better than her, but you can dress better than all the other guys.

4. Intelligence – Women too often conflate education with intelligence. Women also conflate communications skills with intelligence. Regardless, knowing how to communicate effectively is a perceived intelligence raiser.

5. Social Influence – Having influence within a community (real life, not online!) does much to raise a man’s overall status. It’s big boost to one’s confidence, too.

6. Charismatic Interactions – This leads to being a positive center of attention and is a big status raiser. Watch out for the dancing monkey problem.

I’m sure there are others and my commenters will no doubt jump in. Frankly, I’m usually in awe of my readers and the comments they leave.

The second important element in Dating 2.0 is technology. With social networking and online dating comes the ability for a woman to connect virtually and in real life to lots of men. This is also a very mixed blessing. It’s great both men and women can find each other online. But this leads to a woman’s surplus mentality where it’s very easy to find a reason to reject a guy because there’s yet another man’s online dating profile to read.

I do recommend online dating for men but it’s extremely difficult to be an online dating unicorn unless blessed with exceptionally good looks. This is why meeting women while out and about (link below) is vital to having an active dating life. Women are looking for exceptional men. Being that exceptional men can be accomplished. Now, time for the Jedi mind trick: If you seek to be exceptional, do it for you, no one else, especially women.

Evan Marc Katz Blog

And That’s Why You’re Single (Moxie)

How Will They Find Husbands?

Succeed Socially

Women’s Online Dating Profile Headlines – The Good, The Boring, The Bad

This is my most popular blog post and it was written for women, go figure. Given its popularity and its usefulness, I’m only allowing my Patreon supporters to view it.

So, if you want to see it, click here to become one of my Patreon supporters. Thanks. It can be as little as $1.00 per blog post and it will give you an excellent window onto what men are actually saying about attraction and dating that is brutally and usefully honest.

But I’m not totally mercenary with this particular post. Here are links to a couple of excellent blog posts to help women with their online dating profiles.

Helpful Hint For A Woman’s Online Dating Profile

Online Profile Codewords Used By Bossy and Domineering Women

Chivalry – A Good & Honest Rant Is Epic To Behold

For the last two days I have been pondering the nature of female privilege and how it’s manifested. I’ve talked to my readers. I’ve seen videos. I’ve read feminist websites. Normally, I’m not an angry man. However, my bile rises when I think about something that one of my blog readers very recently relayed to me from his lawyer in regards to a court case with an ex: “You can never win against a crying woman.”

That is privilege. It is the privilege to be evil. It is the privilege to game the system with impunity. One of my recent posts highlighted that women assume protection from the nearest man. The terribly unintelligent and simplistic Amanda Marcotte prefaced one of her own comments with this: “Women’s need to be safe comes first.” No. Wrong. You lose. You might suffer badly at the hands of evil people. I will do nothing. I will turn my back and walk away. I will not indulge your privilege. Your safety is your own responsibility. Oh, and since Marcotte so enjoys accusing men of being creeps (link below), I get to do this: Hey Amanda, you’re a cunt.

Here’s a bonus: Let’s watch Judge Judy smack down a Cluster B (link below) bitch trying to game the judicial system. Judge Judy has taken the Red Pill but likely doesn’t know it.

Now let’s move on to the long rant from commenter Tom. The comment was the result of a recent post (link below) and I made no edits to his harsh and necessary words:

A woman stated: “I greatly appreciate chivalrous behavior, always. In fact, I absolutely LOVE IT!! ”

Yeah I BET you do. I would also *greatly appreciate* – and absolutely LOVE IT! — it if a woman took off her jacket and lay it over a puddle so that I can scamper over it to save my shoes, too. No matter how it inconvenienced her, or how much it cost her, if it totally ruined her jacket – even if it cost her her life to give me the life raft while I let her drown.

I would greatly appreciate that. I would absolutely love it.

Now you think that’s REPAYMENT ENOUGH? Saying you would greatly appreciate it – doesn’t make you “special”, sweety. It doesn’t even WARRANT or JUSTIFY it – or make you worthy of such generous behavior from men. And are you going to greatly appreciate enough to want to fuck him? NO?? Then what’s the point of making an announcement that you “greatly appreciate” it.? You actually carry on as if their is some tangible or worthwhile *reward* in it for men…. except for 5 cheap words you utter.

Let’s continue to lay it all down for women, just because they absolutely love it.

“I greatly appreciate chivalry” is the female fist in a velvet glove. ONE woman’s attempt trying to bring the “patriarchy” back because she realized – far too late – that feminism is a colossal failure.

Indeed, the only reason women were such a privileged class throughout human history was because only the GOOD parts of her nature were openly displayed in society for everyone to see. But feminism – for the first time possibly in all of human history – has allowed western women to show their TRUE nature, and is the worst possible thing you could have done for yourselves. Because now, the physical beauty of women comes as a double-edged sword of documented and well-known, unbridled greed, manipulation, selfishness and toxicity. And not since the time of Samson and Delilah have men been so KEENLY aware of the destruction and havoc women can visit upon them. What you “absolutely love” about chivalry, is harmful, costly, stupid, and not in a man’s best interests. The more ridiculous the stunt… the more you will love it.

And you had BETTER “greatly appreciate” what little there is left, because you will NEVER get it back. Feminism made sure of that. You have NO CHOICE but to greatly appreciate it.
Telling men you “greatly appreciate chivalry” is like openly announcing that you believe men should be inconvenienced (and should even DIE) for YOUR comfort and convenience.

Telling men you “greatly appreciate chivalry” and expecting it to be some kind of noble and humane statement does nothing but advertise that you believe your comfort should come first, and men are disposable.

And then you attempt to add on “but I do not feel entitled to it”.


For all the men who haven’t read it, pick up a copy of Esther Vilar’s “the manipulated man” and you will see right through this nonsense. Kate Winset “greatly appreciated” it when she uncurled Leonardo’s frozen fingers and let him slip to the bottom of the sea. How sweet. Oh well. Another disposable male for female comfort.

Let’s keep falsely leading men into believing there is something worthwhile in it for them. Maybe enough of those idiots will believe you. So you’ll have to excuse us if we really don’t want to bow down and grovel to the modern female – just because you now SAY you “greatly appreciate it”.

Too little. Too late.

As a Man, I would “greatly appreciate it – in fact, I would absolutely LOVE it” if the modern female would shut the fuck up about chivalry as if she is an authority on the subject. And guess what, it takes less effort and energy than holding the door open. For all the men who faught and died in wars (and on the Titanic etc.) to give you the very freedom and liberty you take for granted every day of your existence…. you think you can manage THAT SIMPLE thing as a gift to men — in exchange for all the chivalry men have given you???

After all, shutting the fuck up takes less effort than pulling a chair out for me, so I know I am not asking for too much. Although you claim you don’t believe you are entitled to being treated like you are superior just because you were born with a vagina… you’re not really “entitled” to anything but air to breathe. Everything else you enjoy is a gift from Men. Right down to the water that comes through your tap, your internet connection , microwave, car, roads, tampons men invented for you, and just about everything else. Why don’t you “greatly appreciate” that , before you start lecturing men on whether or not they should be chivalrous to you. Because in the not too distant future, men will even stop giving you the time of day – never mind holding the goddam door open so you can waltz through it pretending you don’t expect it.

When that day comes…..

I would greatly appreciate that. I would absolutely love it.

Nope, Just Loathing (A Quick Twofer)

Men Are Creeps? Cool. You’re A Cunt

The Clusters – A Warning For Men

Rationalization Hamster – Post Recycle

[Note: This post has been a fair amount of attention just today – 09/28/2012 – so let’s make it really prominent.]

The Manosphere contains many, many words regarding a woman’s rationalization hamster because it’s such an effective and amusing way to describe how a woman thinks. Occasionally it’s necessary to re-educate Manosphere readers to the nuances and details of how the rationalization hamster operates.

The rationalization hamster is an analogy for the thought processes used by women to turn bad behavior and bad decisions into acceptable ones to herself and her friends. When a woman makes a bad decision, the hamster spins in its wheel (the woman’s thinking) and creates some type of acceptable reasons for that bad decision. The crazier the decision, the faster the hamster must spin in order to successfully rationalize away the insanity.

When the hamster rationalizes successfully, a woman can divorce [yeah, I meant to use that verb] herself from the consequences of her bad decision or behavior. Here are some examples:

Bad Decision:
“I’m going out and getting drunk with my friends.”

Resulting Consequences:
Drunken and unsatisfactory hookup sex with a stranger.

Hamster Processing Result:
“I was drunk and he took advantage of me or maybe even raped me! Maybe it was a date rape drug!”

Final Result:
“It’s not my fault.”

Bad Decision:
“I deserve only the most attractive and successful man despite the fact that I don’t have much to offer in the context of dating and relationships.”

Resulting Consequences:
Can’t find any man for dating or a relationship or only has one-night stands.

Hamster Processing Result:
“There are no good men” or “Men suck”

Final Result:
“It’s not my fault.”

Bad Decision:
“I have such chemistry [vagina tingles!] with this guy so I’ll ignore the obvious red flags regarding his character.”

Resulting Consequences:
The sex is great for a short time and then the guy dumps her.

Hamster Processing Result:
“All men are players”

Final Result:
“It’s not my fault.”

Bad Decision:
I want to have a baby but I don’t have a man.

Resulting Consequences:
8lb bundle of “joy” through dubious means and resultant loss of career opportunities because of time management issues.

Hamster Processing Result:
“I’m a strong and empowered woman fulfilling her own needs but who has an employer who doesn’t support my lifestyle decision.”

Final Result:
“It’s not my fault.”

Note how the final result is always the same.

The vast majority of women simply won’t understand the concept of the rationalization hamster. This makes the hamster immortal. Sure, it can be slowed down, but it always lives on. Hamster wisdom is now passed on to the younger generations of women with messages of “you deserve anything you want” or “you’re a special snowflake”. The hamster has become an integral part of our social fabric.

There is a social expectation that women cannot be faulted for their decisions and behaviors. Mark Rudov calls it the 11th commandment – Thou shalt not criticize women. This means that our collective folklore has “liberated” women to act on their worst motivations and behaviors without consequence. This will be for generations to come.

Creeps Or Criminals?

[Note: For some reason, the word “creep” and its variations angers me greatly. The way women throw around that word is wretched. Perhaps men need to start tossing around the word “cunt” with impunity. For the record, I wrote this post about a year ago.]

Rarely do I address issues brought up by feminist writers or websites. The back story can be found here. It all comes from one comment from Amanda Marcotte, the snarky and not very intelligent feminist writer:

Women’s need to be safe comes first… the onus is on men not to be creepy.

The privilege and entitlement in the first phrase is patently obvious. Coming from a feminist, the hypocrisy is delicious. It’s apparently a man’s job to keep cupcake safe. I would be quite pleased to protect a woman who gives me love and respect or who is a close friend or family member. I will certainly protect an elderly woman. Random women? Not so much. Feminists, you’re on your own.

I have some degree of sympathy for women and their need for safety. Women, after all, are physically weaker. As well, they are vulnerable to a certain degree of emotional manipulation by guys with the right skills and dark motives. The problem – as Marcotte so nicely pointed out – is that women, in her opinion, can’t quite figure out who is the dangerous creep and who is the guy who simply lacks good social skills. So the StrongIndependentWomen™ lumps all socially inept (and likely physically unattractive) men together as “creeps”.

But there are three categories of such “creeps”:

Sullen loner with poor social skills – pissed off beta who comes across as creepy. He’s harmless but scares women because of the next category of bad men.

Sullen loner with poor social skills and weapons – pissed off beta who is likely to commit mass mayhem or some other act of violence. Think George Sodini or the guy who shot up the college in Virginia.

Ordinary guy with poor social skills – Another creepy (according to the StrongIndependentWoman™) guy but he’s harmless and likely very confused or distraught that he’s been lumped in the same group with the other two types of guys lacking social skills.

Marcotte is quick to dismiss any type of creep under the guise of “safety”. That’s a variation of the ForTheChildren™ defense because feminists can’t quite seem to decide if they are victims or they are empowered. I guess that depends on the situation and what they seek to gain. Quite the privilege, that.

In all reality, most “creeps” are just ordinary guys who lack the social ability to make a girl’s vajayjay get all tingly. No tingles? He’s a creep. The biggest exception is when a woman like Marcotte needs her roof repaired or her gutters cleaned. That’s when the guy must show up, tend to the task, and completely ignore her lest she discover he’s a creep. Unless, of course, he’s a hunky, millionaire handyman.

Of course, the guys with the social skills that cause a woman to get weak between the thighs aren’t always pure of heart. Consider these two categories of confident cads:

Charming, confident cad – This is the classic player. He break hearts with impunity and without regard. Women love this type of confident man and flock to him. Worse, there’s a whole industry out there turning creeps into confident cads. After a creep has been rejected enough times (“get away, you creep!”), he’s not real motivated to use his new-found social skills for good and not evil.

Charming, confident felon – This is the player with the murderous or felonious intent. This confident fellow steals things from women or actually kills them. Ted Bundy, anyone? Oh, he was popular with the ladies even while in prison. It’s this type of man that women should truly be scared of. There are more of these guys then there are the George Soldini types. Murder isn’t always the result, but there are an awful lot of con-men and grifters preying on women.

So that awkward guy trying valiantly to make small talk at a social event is not a threat in any way. Just because a woman finds his lack of confidence to be offputting does not make him a potentially dangerous creep.

Watch out for the smooth, confident player who gets your girly bits all steamy. He’s the one who will charm the panties off you, the money in your bank account from you, and maybe even commit violence against you. Worse, he might have been a creep in the past but has taken the time and effort to learn the appropriate skills (Game) to elicit vagina tingles from unsuspecting feminists. That’s Marcotte’s worst nightmare. “Oh my God, I had sex with a beta!”

Finding “Chemistry”

Note: This was my sixth blog post (out of almost 350 total) and I wrote it back in February of 2011, long before my blog become somewhat popular. The information still holds quite true and I haven’t changed anything in the blog post.

The word “chemistry” the most overused word in all the online dating profiles. This is especially true for the over 40 crowd of women. They all so desperately seek chemistry. I am quite tempted to include a photo of a chemistry set in my online dating profile with the caption, “Look ladies, I gots da chemistry!” I doubt anyone will get the joke.

Chemistry for a woman is her conscience acknowledgment that she will have sex with you. That’s all there is to it. When she feels chemistry, her vagina tingles and she’s mentally planning a sexual encounter with you. Men aren’t the only ones thinking with their reproductive organs. If you connect with her on a more intellectual and emotional level, she’s not only planning for sex, she’s planning her new life with you.

It has been said that a woman knows within the first few seconds of meeting a man that she wants him sexually. Sadly, I can’t vouch for this. I do know that the demands for “chemistry” are omnipresent in the online dating profiles. I would say that women want to know within the first few seconds of meeting and they actively look for men who would make them feel the swift torrent of sexual desire on the first meeting. This is what the whole first date bullshit is all about. She wants to know quickly and efficiently if you are a potential sexual partner.

Before you get all excited about the prospect of sexual chemistry, you have to understand that even the most sexually liberated woman isn’t going to welcome you into bed on the first date. Consider the awesome power of social expectations. A nice lady doesn’t jump a man’s bones unless some element of the dating ritual is completed. And while she might know in the first few seconds of the date that there’s going to be some nookie at some point, she is not going to reveal that fact overtly. Proper ladies of a certain age don’t do that sort of thing. Oh, there will be only passing discussion of the hypocrisy that many of these proper ladies were complete and utter floozies in their youth.

So here we have you on a date and you feel a strong sexual desire for the women sipping wine with you. You want her bad. Maybe she wants you just as badly but she’s being coy. She’s not the type of girl, after all. Never mind the threesome she had with her roommate and her boyfriend way back in college. She was drunk. And he was really, really cute. Oh, and forget her experiences with swinging with her second ex-husband. That was just a phase and while it might have been a lot of fun, she’s not like that anymore. She’ll sip her wine and gaze at you, her lady parts smoldering away. How do you know she’s smoldering? Read the next paragraph twice.

The question for you is, have you learned to read body language and non-verbal cues? If you haven’t, your dating life is going to be simply wretched and you will be wailing and gnashing your teeth on a regular basis. Frankly, if you don’t understand a woman’s body language and non-verbal cues, you are a clueless putz and deserve every bad date you get. There will be no lessons in body language here. Go out on the interwebs and learn. The PUA websites are a good start. You will also learn about your own body language and how to build comfort and attraction with women.

There is one fundamental weakness to the whole notion of chemistry. It assumes that chemistry is a quick and unyielding experience. Women don’t want a man to grow on them. They want instant gratification. Of course they will not state this clearly in their profiles. “I want a man to make my panties wet instantly.” Rather, it’s “I want to find a real chemistry with a man.” Yet with instant gratification comes shockingly poor decisions regarding men. That fellow who made her panties wet might be a complete tool in regards to maintaining a relationship. Ah, ain’t love grand?

If a string of sexual encounters is what you seek through online dating, then by all means learn the skills of creating sexual attraction with the opposite sex. It’s not rocket science. Women aren’t mysterious creatures imbued with magical powers. They’re just women and can be quite predictable. Learn the skills. Go have fun. Wear a condom.

More frustration: Even if your correspondence and phone calls were blisteringly hot with da sex talk, that is no guarantee of future sex. If a women doesn’t feel the chemistry in real life, there will be no sex in real life.

If you want a real relationship, you have to get past the chemistry thing. You have to make the leap from “guy I’m on a date with” to “guy who I really want to get all naked and sweaty with”. For that leap, there are no second chances. Once she determines that you’re not going to be a sexual partner, there is nothing – I repeat, nothing – you can do to grow on her. She’s already mentally reviewing the online profiles she read that morning and hoping the date with you ends quickly.

Just cut your losses and move on. Your consistent online dating process should mean that you’re actively corresponding with at least three potential new dates. There are, after all, plenty of fish in the sea.

Fat Acceptance? Not Here – Post Recycle

[Note: I wrote this post about eight months ago. It’s not the most polite of posts but this is not the most polite of subjects. The financial costs of obesity are staggering and we must address this problem as a society. And while some blogs poke supremely wicked (and offensive) fun at this issue, the seriousness cannot be ignored. We’re killing ourselves with calories.]

This social trend has been around for over 40 years. As Americans have been ballooning up in weight, the fat acceptance movement is getting more attention. It shouldn’t get any attention at all. obesity is both unattractive and unhealthy. It’s just that simple. What, is Private Man indulging in intolerant shaming and prejudice? I’ll accept the accusation of shaming, not that of being prejudiced.

In the overwhelmingly vast majority of cases, being overweight is a choice. Every calorie consumed is a conscious decision. I’m not going to be cast aspersions on a person’s character regarding weight and size. But anyone toting around extra weight must be keenly aware that what they are doing is unhealthy and unattractive. This goes doubly for women.

Certainly I am not unsympathetic to overweight people and people with unhealthy habits. I was once a fat guy at 260 pounds. I lost 60 pounds about five years ago and I am very careful about my calorie intake. Worse, I am a smoker. Every time I have a cigarette, I am making a conscious choice to do so. I expect no acceptance for my bad habit. I don’t need some social movement to shame non-smokers. I am not writing a letter to Hollywood producers asking them to feature more characters smoking in motion pictures.

I chose to be fat avoident by the company I keep and the women I date. This certainly limits my dating pool and I accept the consequences of my preferences. It’s disheartening when I meet sweet, funny, pleasant women who are rendered unattractive by a body ruined by fat. They fail the boner test. As a polite man, I won’t say anything about why I am not attracted, I simply move on.

I do have some advice for younger men. Don’t have sex with women whom you don’t find attractive because of their weight. Yes, it’s unrealistic advice – I didn’t practice this in my youth – yet it still must be said. Young men, especially young men with Charisma, don’t reward bad behavior by sexing up a young woman of excess poundage. To be direct, I am telling young men, no fat chicks. They should be invisible to you.

The fundamental truth is that the feminine attracts the masculine. Too much weight on a woman’s figure is not feminine. “Where are all the good men?” I’m frequently asked. I always refrain from saying “You left them behind 40 pounds ago”.

Woman Up

Woman Up! (Re-visited)

[Note: This post was the last of three entitled Woman Up! that I posted about eight months ago. The female blogger bbsezmore (links in the post) did something quite remarkable and it’s worth re-posting]

To end the hat trick of the Woman Up posts – one and two – I present the blogger bbsezmore (the link is to her blog’s home page). She’s a married woman of undetermined age living in a place where I don’t know. That doesn’t matter. What matters is that she did a Woman Up experiment to see the results.

The posts are based on an initial challenge from Susan Walsh over at Hooking up Smart.

There are eight posts that are required reading for my female readers and worth of spreading far and wide over the interwebs. I’ve arranged them in the proper order (with the full length URL for easy copy and paste):


It’s worth reading every single post in the series which include BB’s and her husband’s observations. The comments are interesting, too. As well, BB has plenty of other posts that are relevant to the whole Woman Up concept.

Let’s all say it again, Woman Up.

Post Recycle – From the Masculine to the Feminine in 35 Minutes

Note: I’m recycling some older posts because only 200 posts are currently displayed on my blog’s home page. As I have almost 310 total posts, over 100 posts aren’t immediately available. The following post was published back in March, 2011 and it can be found here. The comments on the original post are interesting.

For the most part, the private sector work environment is a masculine place. The business of making money has little to do with emotions. The capitalistic marketplace is the realm of logic and reason in order to create and sell profitable goods and services. It’s really that simple. If there is not enough profit, there is no point creating that service or that item.

Men have historically dominated this social and economic realm. In the last two generations, women have entered the workforce. That didn’t change the essential rules of capitalism. Women had to adapt and they often did so out of economic necessity. Women adapted reasonably well. They adopted masculine traits to cope and succeed. Having such traits is not necessarily a bad thing in the right context.

The problem is the transition back to home and hearth, there is none. A woman is still in work mode when she returns home. There are tasks to organize, things to manage, kids to herd. A woman’s work (and career) is never done, after all. Whither the husband or significant other? He’s likely a beta. He’s toiled his day in the trench cubicles taking orders all the while. He’ll happily defer to the woman’s relationship leadership despite losing her respect for him. He’s used to it. His mom, single of course, told him to be nice and follow orders.

What if she’s married or committed to an alpha man? If she wants to maintain that relationship, she must transition to a feminine role in a brief span of time. That span is 35 minutes, about the average commute time. In that period of time, she must embrace her feminine nature so she can be the loving wife/significant other that she is supposed to be. Of course, if she truly loves her man, embracing her feminine nature for him comes naturally and without much thought. In fact, she should be thinking of that while she is still at work. Suggestion to all the guys in long term relationships: read Athol K (Married Man Sex Life).

If her man is a sad sack beta, the transition from masculine to feminine is a serious struggle. The woman sits in traffic and wonders “why I am doing this?”. She then fires up her audio book of Eat, Pray, Love (turning off NPR) and makes a mental note to tally up her man’s finances and then to look up divorce attorneys while he is having fun with the kids.


Men Like A Challenge? Bullshit! Conventional Dating Wisdom Is Slain

I read a great deal of dating advice, most of it bad. This includes dozens of blogs, countless women’s websites, even the lady magazines like Cosmopolitan. I also talk to every woman I can about dating and relationships. Yes, I know, talk is cheap. When I discuss these issues I’m trying to read between the lines and look for descriptions of actions, not words from the rationalization hamster or aspirational lying. There is one particular and common theme from female dating advice-givers that has perplexed me:

Men want a challenge.

The usual female explanation for this theme is that “men are hunters”. That much is true. Yet when our paleo ancestors went hunting, it was for food. It was for survival. If the men didn’t bring home the animal protein, the tribe withered and died. After spending a few incredibly tough days trying to slay an uncooperative animal, why would a man return to the clan and have to hunt all over again for a compliant female willing to mate? It makes no sense. From an evolutionary psychology point of view, it’s completely counter intuitive.

It took some thought to figure this out. I’m slow, but I eventually get there. Here’s the basic set up:

Women seek the top 20% of men. The women must hunt these men because these men have options and will only select a small percentage of women to whom they will provide DNA and possibly resources. This makes perfect sense. Top paleo providers were in short supply. To hunt and land one of these men, even if for a harem arrangement, was a successful survival strategy for the woman and her offspring.

Let’s fast forward to our modern, industrial culture. Armed with the power of projection and a healthy rationalization hamster, women think because they must pursue men (the top 20%) that men must pursue them. It goes along with the modern projection that because women are attracted to masculine accomplishments, that men must also be attracted to masculine accomplishments in women.

It gets worse. The guys not in the top 20% must do the pursuing of the top 20% of women (attractive and feminine women, not the masculinized career dames). The women’s projection that men must give courtship chase is utterly reinforced by an army of guys without Charisma trying desperately to win these women’s romantic (um, sexual) favor.

Men with Charisma do not want to hunt women. They want compliant (PC word alert!), feminine women who easily recognize the man’s achievements without drama, bitchiness, and demands. Sure, Charisma is required because our recent industrial age requires women to be a bit coquettish. This is the price for not having to worry about a saber tooth tiger eating the women and children while the man is out hunting mastodons.

A woman wants a man without Charisma to hunt them because this is a validation of her desirability, nothing more. The woman doesn’t want the DNA (sex) from that man, she wants the emotional support in addition to the desirability validation. This is manifested in contemporary times as the FriendZone and weaker men being the emotional tampon.

So let’s summarize – Women want beta men to hunt them. They want to hunt Alpha men.

Post Navigation