The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

An Online Phenomenon In Search Of A Name


Quantum SelectionAssume that all Women are linked together(entangled) at the quantum level which means that if you are preselected by one, all women know it regardless of their actual location.

“I can’t believe all the attention I’m getting with online dating all of a sudden. So many women have responded to my messages in the past couple of days!”

“It’s quantum selection. Women know when you’re getting attention from other women and they all want in on the action.”

“But this is all online, They don’t even know each other!”

“Women know, dude, women just know…”

Credit must be given to ADVRider SkidMarx.

There is a common misperception that women have some sort of magical intuition that grants them some sort of super powers of ESP. According to the stereotype, women can read all sorts of psychic signals that emanate from a man’s mind. This is mostly bullshit. Most men are simply not particularly subtle and send off all sorts of blatantly obvious and easily perceived signals through words and body language. It’s sort of like a person who walks outside, gets soaked in a thunderstorm and makes the genious-like observation that it’s raining.

One of the central tenets of pick-up artistry (PUA) is that a man should maintain a degree of mystery about himself when dealing with the opposite sex. This short-circuits a woman’s “intuition” and makes the man inscrutable and piques her feminine curiosity and attraction to him. Not a lot of men can pull this off. It takes lots of practice along with serious and verbal restraint.

I did say a woman’s intuition is mostly bullshit. However, there is a unique phenomenon that many men have noticed it, have given it a name and described it quite well. I have experienced this phenomenon and have read how other men have also experienced in. It’s the phenomenon of women knowing that a man is attractive only because other women are giving him positive attention.

In a real life (meetspace) situation, this is rather obvious. A man shows up at a social space with a woman – and if she’s attractive – most other notice the man and part of their psyches are drawn towards him. The PUAs call this a form of “preselection”. It’s very effective in motivating women to notice a man. This phenomenon is the very reason that the “wingwoman” concept works well in certain social situations. For some guys, it’s even worth hiring a wingwoman to act as proof of preselection and to provide safe and comfortable social interactions.

But this phenomenon of preselection extends onward, outward, and right into cyberspace. By way of an illustration of this, here is an account I recently read from one of my motorcycle peers:

…today I got three solid hits on PoF [Plenty of Fish online dating website].
Two good and one I was kind of meh about.
The two started texting me at the same time. I had a nice banter going, but after a short time I realized they were asking the same questions at almost the same time.
It got really weird when the both asked how long I had been divorced within a minute of each other.
As luck would have it, the better looking of the two was the most engaged, and volunteered her phone number and hinted that she wanted to meet.
Date is Thursday.
The other likely isn’t far behind if I decide to go there.
Not five min after I had said good night to the second one, the third one started messaging me. About five messages in, she asked for my phone number.

It’s vital to understand that this all happened online. These women weren’t watching our two-wheeled hero interact socially at a live event. Yet, three different women reached out to him via an online dating website at almost the same time. It’s as if they knew magically knew that other women were interested in this fellow regardless if they personally witnessed it. I’ve communicated with numerous guys who have experienced much the same thing. They suddenly get a group of responses from women they’ve sent messages to. Or, they logged in an online dating website and have received two or more messages at roughly the same time. I’ve experienced this as well. It’s preselection in a completely virtual, online plane.

There may be a biological explanation as prosaic as random ovulatory cycles synching up that caused these women to act in a consistent manner. But there is a certain of mysticism to the online nature of this phenomenon. It’s been written about enough times and discussed amongst men doing the online dating thing. The problem lies in that it doesn’t have a clever name. Not long ago I mentioned the term “twigging“. That word perfectly captures a particular type of human behavior in a specific social context. The same type of fitting word or term is required for the online phenomenon described above.

So, I ask my blog readers to come up with a fine term or word. A single word is more appropriate because it’s more easily used. But the word has to be a fitting, clever, and accurate. Submit through the comments, please.

[If you liked this blog post, please support my continued efforts by subscribing through my Patreon or clicking the Donate button at the top of this page. Many thanks.]

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23 thoughts on “An Online Phenomenon In Search Of A Name

  1. manofspheres on said:

    It’s the internet version of the kevorka. So, when it happens to you, you’ve got the invorka.

  2. I just checked that out. Kevorka implies a constant attraction. The phenomenon I described in this blog post is too sporadic and unpredictable. But your thinking is leading you in the right direction. Please keep at it.

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    • Ahhhhh… that’s a very good one.

      “Damn, I just six responses on OKCupid from the 10 messages I sent out. I usually don’t get any!”

      “Dude, you got some serious e-selection going on there.”

  4. Just call it SEO


  5. Probably there’s some DHV he did that hits women about the same time. Like when they get home from work. I get multiple facebook requests from women sometimes.

  6. It’s a cute story, but a few random happenstances does not make a phenomenon honey. 😉

    However this preselection thing is definitely real.

  7. Some broad on fb posted a spot the word pic where you were supposed to reply which word you saw first. I said “sex” even though that word wasn’t on there. When she said she couldn’t find it, I said, “Made ya look.” Next I’ll say, “xxxx is looking for sex again.”

    A man posted pics of his granddaughter on fb and I said, “Trolling for girls.” He said, “What?” I replied, “Look at the comments and likes.” They were almost all girls. He said, “Those were pics of my granddaughter.” I replied, “Just teasing ya.”

    Be playful and fun and engaging. Not clownish or attention-seeking, though. Make it a habit when you’re around people. Mentally, it’s the opposite of analytical moods. Analysis is necessary, but too much analysis constipates playful banter. Avoid analytical moods when you’re around people unless your job requires it.

    Otoh, the unexamined life is not worth living.

    Living a rich life requires a bit of a lot of different moods.

    Ok, enough analysis for now.

  8. Shades on said:


  9. Quantum Selection.

  10. itsthegenes on said:

    **There may be a biological explanation as prosaic as random ovulatory cycles synching up that caused these women to act in a consistent manner**

    I think I found it some time ago! And it is exceptionally plausible and important.

    What women (or rather their “instinct”) want is to outbreed other women, to have more grandchildren than the other women. Since pregnancies (rather than eggs) are such a big investment for women, their instinct is to maximize the ratio of grandchildren to their own children

    The means to achieve this is their *sons* who can have many more children with less costs than their daughters. A rather unconventional way to look at this is that women think of themselves as hermaphrodites with their sons being their “detached” male reproductive organs.

    So what women’s instinct is that is they want sons whom many women find attractive.

    And women’s instincts know that “like father like son” is somewhat reliable and therefore women feel most sexually attracted to the men who are like the sons that who can give them the biggest number of grandchildren.

    Therefore women’s instincts tell them that the ideal potential father is one who is sexually attractive to many women, and does not get attached to any of them, a charming, funny, handsome man with an emotionally unavailable, sneaky and discreet, risk-taking attitude.

    That is a player who is driven to and good at pumping and dumping many women, and who is out of her league and ideally way out of her league, so that her sons be even more attractive than her genetic profile can make them.

    What woman (or her reproductive instinct) wants is then sex with men who can get easily laid with many women hotter than her. The most disgusting thing that a woman dreads is the risk of sex with a man who can’t get laid with women hotter than her.

    Therefore what PUA culture calls “preselection” is actually *everything*: it is the ultimate demonstration of SMV for men, because what women most value in men is their attractiveness to other women, because of the instinct telling them that probably whatever makes a man attractive to other women are traits that can be at least partially inherited by the sons she can have from him.

    Now how does a woman know which man is like that? How can she confirm that a man is indeed a player who is driven to and successful at discreetly pumping and dumping many women hotter than her? That’s usually not at all obvious.

    Her main method is *indirect*, to see how he behaves to herself: if she feels sexually attracted to him, if he is charming yet emotionally unavailable, risk taking yet not that interested in her specifically, her instinct infers that he is screwing around a lot with hotter women than her, and gets even more attracted to him.

    If she had *direct* confirmation that other women find him attractive and that he plays the field, that’s an even stronger driver for her sexual attraction.

    That’s why so many women complain that the men they are attracted to so often cheat on them: if they didn’t [screw around] they would not be the men they are attracted to. The very fact that those men can screw around and do screw around means that they are likely to father sons who will spread her genes around in the same way.

    Women past menopause have a completely different set of incentives, and that’s another important storiy, because then they push their daughters in a different direction, and this created the grandmatriarchy (not patriarchy) that feminism has fought successfully to establish the patriarchy in recent decades.

    • GattoGrigio on said:

      That was lucid & very logical.

      Well done!

      Seeing I have a vested interest, I’m keen to hear how you feel it’s different for post-menopausal women.

      If I was a betting man I’d wager they’re more inclined to seek “provisioners”.

    • Post menopausal women look for the same preselected men as those who have menses. The libido of post-menopausal women can be red-hot if the man is attractive enough. My experience.

  11. itsthegenes on said:

    These are the two conclusions most relevant to online dating:

    ‘If she had *direct* confirmation that other women find him attractive and that he plays the field, that’s an even stronger driver for her sexual attraction.’

    In online dating women can directly choose among many men those that are most popular with other women, that is online dating allows women to throw themselves directly at the men who are out of her league in terms of attracting other women.
    Which is what this blog post is about.

    ‘ That’s why so many women complain that the men they are attracted to so often cheat on them’

    That explains another obvious feature of online dating that women amazingly always complain about: they look for and arrange a date or two with a man who looks most attractive to most other women, if they manage to get it they fuck him on the first or at the latest the second date (“I don’t know what happened, I am not really like that” they tell themselves), and then, or after another date or two, he disappears, and they are bewildered as he said that he was happy to date them and they could not believe how lucky they were to get laid with a popular man.

    The explanation is really simple: a lot of other women on the online dating site tried to have a date with him and fuck him as soon as possible, precisely because he looks popular with other women; he has chosen among the many requests for a date those from the “best” 5-10, and then he the dates the those 5-10 lucky ones to try them out.

    Then he either does not have time and energy to keep dating and fucking all of them and keeps seeing the 2-3 he liked most, or he has that much time and energy and then he selects a new group of “best” 5-10 to try out, and disappears from all of the previous selection.

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