The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Lurkers Of The World, Unite! (Again)

It’s been three years since I asked for my blog’s lurkers to “out” themselves here in this digital auditorium. So, I’m doing it again. Because this blog has been around for awhile, I strongly suspect that many of the readers since my last call-out of lurkers have moved on and a new group has moved in.

I want you lurkers to identify yourselves. You don’t have to say anything except the following:

1. Age
2. Gender
3. Location
4. How you found my blog

If you want to give compliments to my blog, I won’t say no. If you have suggestions, speak up. If you think I’m just an old windbag, get off my lawn. If you’re a hater, your comment won’t make it through moderation.

I’ll leave this post up for a few days so folks have a chance to comment. I also hope to respond to each comment.

You regulars, stay out of this. This is between me and my lurkers.

[If you lurkers want to donate or support me, the Donate button is on every page and it’s easy to get to my Patreon page]

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83 thoughts on “Lurkers Of The World, Unite! (Again)

  1. Pingback: Lurkers Of The World, Unite! (Again) |

  2. still kickin on said:

    Rural Missouri
    Recommended blog, reblog, or via a comment on another blog

    Good, solid advice given here, unfortunately unable to utilize it at this stage of the game.

  3. Omega Man on said:

    I look at this blog occasionally and also try to comment occasionally.

    I’m over 60 and still married after 30 years so I don’t need dating advice, however I’m deeply interested in the psychology of male-female interaction. Scholarly texts are a somewhat miserly source of information, and a far richer and deeper well of knowledge are the experiences and anecdotes of the average joe in real world situations. Blogs such as this one, are very valuable in helping men cope with the chaos of todays sexual and marriage market places.


    Location: North Germany

    Found this blog via Captain Capitalism

  4. 47

    After the end of the 7th LTR went looking for answers. Found RP theory. Helped me understand what was going wrong/why I always crashed and burned. Have an inkling now. After a extremely dark year, found some focus and direction. Now too busy to consider or even be bothered with the so called fairer sex. The payoff is not worth the effort. I now live my life for me.

  5. Riccardo on said:

    Rome, Italy
    I guess through the manosphere I dont really remember

  6. rugby11ljh on said:

    The rational male
    Washington, D.C.

  7. 63
    The Red Pill Room

  8. evilnewwargod on said:

    Age: 40
    Gender: Male
    Location: Australia
    How I Found You: Don’t really remember. Most likely a link from another blog

    Mentioned you in one of my recent posts. Hope you don’t mind me linking to it, but if it helps some of your readers to discover other blogs they way not otherwise be aware of, then all the better.

  9. 43
    Aurora, CO
    I have no idea how I found your blog, but I think it was the first. From yours I was pointed to Roosh, Rollo, and Roissy.

  10. 38
    Boston, MA area
    Through link from another blog (Elusive Wapiti, if I remember correctly)

    Appreciate your writing style and perspective, private man.

  11. Paso Robles on said:

    Los Angeles

    Through the “Other Good Blogs” roll at Roosh or Rollo or Heartiste. I honestly don’t recall, but I check in regularly. Thanks for asking.

  12. 59
    northern California
    Red Pill Room

  13. Spongebob on said:

    26, F, Hong Kong

    Random google search. I might stick around though, it’s worth the read.

  14. Some bloke on said:

    48, M, New Zealand. I’m an optometrist and I’m pretty sure I found this via a search on ocular melanomas, but I was also busily gobbling the red pill at the time too so it could have been via vivalamanosphere. I comment occasionally.

    • Quite the worldwide readership.

      It’s quite the coincidence that both ocular melanoma and the Manosphere brought you to my blog.

      By the way, if you donate, I might apply some of that money to a spiffy prosthetic eye!

  15. 50
    Western Canada
    Through Rollo’s comment section
    2 divorces with all the trimmings. Latched onto Manosphere like water in the desert. Forgiven myself/parents/society/church, rebuilding.

  16. lurker22 on said:

    22, Male, Germany

    if I remember correctly, I stumbled upon your Blog because it was mentioned in a newsletter Mail from Maverick Traveler.

    I’m 22 and in a LTR with the girl I’m going to marry, so I’m interested more generally in the human psychology of attraction, social dynamics, and male-female relationships. Your writings (and video podcasts) are extremely well thought and grounded. I extremely appreciate your perspective!

    Regarding LTR Game I complement your writings with Athol Kay, regarding travel & business I complement with Maverick Traveler, and regarding female psychology with Rollo Tomassi.

    Andrew, you put out really great stuff. Keep it up! You rock!

  17. Male
    Recommendation in a comment on another blog, can’t remember where.
    Really enjoy your perspective.

  18. 51, Male, Dallas

    From another blog. Probably Rational Male or Capt Capitalism.

    Keep up the good work.

  19. I’m 46, female, and in PA.

    I don’t recall the first time I ever laid eyes on your blog, but I’m always feeling like I want more and more of it ;). Your recent venture into podcasting has been a good move, and I have many A-ha moments as I watch. I appreciate that we share an interest in relationship dynamics and enjoy your observations.

  20. 60, Male, Ontario,Canada. Found your site via a link sent from a friend on a private Mid life Crisis forum. Been rebuilding my life since 2011 when my 24 year marriage suddenly imploded, leaving me in the unusual position of being a single dad with two teen aged kids full time. I blog about the experince of rebuilding one’s life on

  21. 46 male, Victoria, Australia. Found site through
    Recently seperated after a long and useless marriage, started to incorporate RP thinking and action into my life yielding some interesting results, mostly positive, but also heartache (still can’t avoid oneitis! but not all women are equal!). Wish I had known about it in my 20’s. Will definitely educate my son about it

  22. Anonymous on said:

    Ontario, Canada
    Probably from another blog. My red pill education started with MMSL then branched here and to Ian Ironwood and other blogs. I don’t read here much anymore but do still see updates through my RSS feed.

  23. John Doe on said:

    50+ white male, florida, usa, living the dream. found through “delusiondamage” a must read for every male.

  24. 45, male, Chicago

    Got here in my post-D research several years ago. probably linked from another blog or saw a comment you made.

    I read you off my RSS feed.

  25. NOOmin on said:

    Zukinoomin on
    Winter Springs FL
    I think it was a link to your blog posted on ADVRider.
    We first met either at Ribtoberfest or Bike Week at The Scrub.
    At that time, I was in a decades-long marriage.
    Not any more, unfortunately…

    • The Scrub is a cool moto event. I do hope that he’s still doing those and maybe I’ll get to attend another one at some point..

      • L_NOOM1N on said:

        Alan no longer owns The Scrub but he has been working on the “Camp Pavilion” at The Scrub, maybe there’ll be a similar event in the future.

  26. Mark, Italy (South), male, 44
    I discovered your blog listening to the Goldmund interview.
    Really like your no nonsense approach especially for the not younger ones like myself.
    I like very much your dating advices. I am in that process now from a few years. I’m afraid though that too much is determined from where you live, who you are able to meet around, therefore I try to use your advices adapting them to the circumstances, which in the city wìhere I live do not offer much. But I really appreciate the mature spirit of your advices.
    Keep up the excellent job

  27. Rod Anderson on said:

    57, Male, Vancouver Canada

    Not sure how I found you. I used to follow lots of Red Pill writers; but I’ve unfollowed all but IM, RM, and you. I’m University educated, affluent, traveled, and fit; but only of average attractiveness. I see a very low probability in the dating game, so I’m not actively pursuing. I follow to keep in touch with current social trends.

    Keep up the great writing!

  28. 55, Female, Texas. Probably googled what men want in desperation and after searching through a lot of crap came across your blog. I often times don’t like what you write but it is always interesting and you make me think so I remain open and I keep reading, I mean lurking. Plus I’m a fan of Evan and you have mentioned him a time or two.

  29. suburbanmanlife on said:

    45 Male Florida
    Found you through RedPillRoom.

    I am 45 and married (happily) 23 years. However, I like your advice, and it really applies to all men, single and married. Things are a little different for the married man, but not much. Your posts can usually be applied to both.

  30. Another Floridian, sweet. I’m glad you like my blog. I checked out your blog. You’re doing well and keeping at it. That’s tough, I know.

  31. 48 male brevard county Florida
    Don’t recall how I found you, rollo maybe….

  32. Paul Moore on said:

    66 widower married 43 years. Wife died nearly three years ago. I met the love of my life (yeah- oneitis) a few months later. She dumped me last April for no apparent reason. I’m guessing too much beta behaviour. (Decades of marriage changes a man. “Yes, Dear” is always easier than defending one’s opinion. They wear you down.)
    Right now, I’m trying to get into the dating game again. I’m still very fit from a lifetime of weight training and physical labor, but Alpha behavior still feels like a pose and requires constant self awareness.
    Small available dating pool here in Northern Michigan; all married already, impossibly young, or most often, impossibly old.
    I followed the links to you. I’m surprised at the ages here. I thought I was hanging out with kids.

  33. It’s good that you’re getting back into dating. It sucks that your geography and demographics make it difficult.

    The thing about post-divorce men is that they seek help almost clandestinely. I can’t do the necessary analytics to get a definitive demographic sense of my readers. This is why a sometimes ask the lurkers to chime in.

  34. male
    from Rollo

  35. 47, male, Uganda
    Can’t remember how I got here….probably linked from another RP site.

  36. Pilgrim of the East on said:

    1. 27
    2. male
    3. Czech Republic
    4. randomly from some other RP/manosphere blog, probably The Rational Male or Free Northerner

  37. John G. on said:

    I’m 66 and male, living in southern Wisconsin and I found this site with a search engine. I started read Rational Male and took things from there. It’s too late for me to change my situation but reading this type of site has answered some of the questionable things I have been noticing over the past 50 years. Becoming aware has been a bitter experience but if I can help my son or any younger man navigate the treacherous landscape we men find ourselves in my awakening might be worth it.

  38. Pathfinderlight on said:

    35, Male, Chattanooga. Link from Dalrock, I think. I also read Chateau Heartiste, Alpha Game, and Return of the Kings. Never married.

  39. I’m 41, going through a divorce. Located near ATL, found the blog via Athol’s blog.

  40. 26 Male vancouver BC. Probably found you through TRP or twitter or a blogger’s recommendation.

    I”ll start commenting now

  41. 43 Male Cincinnati, Oh – various manosphere blogs- love your work, divorced at 40 and got back out there only to discover my blue pill ways just lead to more of the same as to what I got in my marriage – kinda hit the wall with even trying to date anymore just improving myself and working on my goals – however the loneliness is a killer when everyone you know is still married

  42. Il Solano on said:

    Male, 51, Scotland! Found via Roosh V’s ROK site. Single and Aspergic; “high functioning” allegedly. Never been married. Several short term relationships since my twenties. Would prefer free sex if possible. Withdrawn, introverted but not so bitter anymore! I do not attend social gatherings. I like this blog, it’s more reasoned and mature compared to ROK. I’ll probably never attempt to practice Game.

  43. 52 Male Kentucky

    I posted a bit here several years ago. Broke up from my gf of 5 years, not sure I want to even bother dating any more. But Ill drop by occassionally to read….

  44. 30, male, Milwaukee, WI

    I found your blog in discovery of the Manosphere at large. I don’t remember who I followed a link from – maybe Rational Male?

  45. 27
    Chicago, IL
    Probably through TRM

    Probably will start commenting after I’ve consumed most of your articles

    Keep up the good work 😉

  46. SaskGuy on said:

    54 year old male in western Canada.
    Bounced here from other red pill blogs, not sure which, although I mainly follow Ian Ironwood, Rollo Tomassi, Heartiste. Used to also enjoy The Spearhead, who seems have packed it in, and Married Man sex life, who had an interesting “captain-first mate” model but now is more interested in selling his counselling rather than blogging.
    I started out fairly “alpha” as a young man but got married and 22 years of marriage sucked much of that out of me. She was a borderline personality that got crazier and crazier as life went on. Finally escaped with my skin and some of my sanity. Started trying to figure out what the hell happened and was fed the red pill from a number of wise men, yourself included. It is still a bitter taste, but the truths contained become more evident the deeper down the rabbit hole you go.
    After 5 or 6 years of recovery I have started another LTR. I am enjoying it and I love her, but I often grieve my lost innocence, knowing I will forever see the world through a red pill lens.
    Although I don’t do any dating or trolling for women, I still enjoy your blog for its insights and wisdom on male/female interactions and relationships.
    Good luck to you and keep up the good work.

  47. 1. 36
    2. Male
    3. Ireland
    4. When I was putting together a list of the most popular manosphere blogs (

  48. 1. 44
    2. Male
    3. South Africa
    4. Actively searching for male focused websites

  49. 1. 34 (wish I had read your blog earlier in my life, even if I learned on my own the same knowledge you share here, it would have allowed me to have a better life faster).
    2. Male (by that point, you must have guessed it though)
    3. Wold traveler, but I’m from France (reading you from Singapore)
    4. I don’t remember, I think ever I found you in a comment from another similar site, or I was doing a stupid search on google.

    Anyway, a bit late to the party, hope you are doing well and best wishes.

  50. Nickos the great on said:

    Found your blog via stef molyneux. ….it rocks!

    You sound like a total dude. Wish I’d found you earlier.

    Sorry to hear about your big C. But you’re handling it like a boss. Massive respect.

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