The Private Man

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The Marriage Analogy – A Must Read

This one is long but very much worth the read. It originated from an excellent Dalrock post (link below). He made a very astute comment with the “marriage as a restaurant” analogy. The analogy was further fleshed out with a subsequent comment by Anonymous Reader.

Original comment from Dalrock:

I don’t have time to really do this justice, but I’ll take a quick shot at it. I share your view in wanting marriage for both men and women. This is why I write on the topics I write about. Marriage is too essential to turn our backs on, even though it has suffered great violence from the culture, the state, and a treacherous church.

The analogy I’ll offer isn’t perfect but hopefully gets the basic idea across. Those of us who are happily married are sitting in a fine restaurant, enjoying our meals. Outside are a crowd of would be patrons, but the restaurant is full and they won’t be seated. However, the crowd outside decides to make the best of it. They set up a grill and hold an impromptu cookout. Some number of them comment that they wouldn’t trade sitting in our boring stuffy restaurant for the experience of cooking and eating in the outdoors with the company of the rest of the crowd. While I think the restaurant is better, I’m not going to call out to them, to try to convince them that they really should regret that they didn’t get a table. Instead I’m going to focus what influence I have on making that option available to more diners. I’ll try to get the restaurant down the street to start following the health codes so they don’t poison people. But to do that first I have to take on the corrupt health inspector (the church), etc. Besides, who am I to tell the people making the best of the cookout that they don’t really enjoy being there more than they would enjoy being in the restaurant? Not all of us have the same tastes. Given the lack of options, I truly hope that the cookout is what makes them happy. If someone wants to know how they can get a table I’ll offer the best advice I have on finding one, including advice on avoiding restaurants like the one down the street.

The lack of open tables at the restaurant is visible in the data I’ve shown here, both in delayed marriage trends by women and in the kicking of fathers out of the home. Not everyone gets this “food poisoning”, but those who do can suffer immensely.

Follow up comment from Anonymous Reader:

Dalrock, although your analogy is interesting, it is incomplete. You need to include the whole picture. And that is, some number of couples in the restaurant suddenly leave; the woman stands up, shrieks to the management that her escort is simply beastly, and a couple of pug-ugly bouncers come, rough him up, take his wallet, beat the snot out of him, and throw him out the back door into the alley. She stays for a while, paying for the meal out of his wallet, and then slowly walks out the front door, to cruise around the barbecue grills for a while.. And everyone pretends nothing just happened, although some murmur of “what did HE do?” floats ’round the room. For some odd reason, there are more and more empty tables in this restaurant. Fewer customers are coming in the front door. Business is down. The restaurant manager worries out loud that his business isn’t going well. But his bouncers continue to beat, rob, and eject men any time a woman demands it.

Those men at the barbecue grills? More than a few of them used to eat in the restaurant. But after getting beaten up, robbed, beaten up some more and thrown away in to the alley, they don’t much care for restaurant food any more. They regard it as too expensive, one way or another.

There is another group circulating around the barbecue grills, and out into the street. These are women who alternate between snacking at the barbecue grills, and importuning men to take them into the restaurant. They insist they only want good restaurant food, as they wipe the grease from the barbeque off of their fingers. Some of these women used to eat in the restaurant, but decided to have their escorts beaten and robbed. For some reason they find it a bit more difficult to get an escort back into the restaurant than previously was the case.

There’s also a shadowy crowd out beyond the barbecue grills that most diners in the restaurant can’t see. This crowd is almost entirely men. Many of them are young, but some are middle-aged or even old. No way they get into the restaurant. Although some of them used to eat there, before they got beaten up, robbed, and thrown into the alley. And nobody wants them too close to the barbecue grills, either. The women who eat at the grills and want into the restaurant scorn them. These men exist in the shadows, chewing on a dried out piece of jerky.

Every once in a while, some fat guy from the restaurant management strolls outside, and hollers at all the men in the street:

“HEY ! Why don’t you Man UP and find a nice lady to escort into this restaurant? The food is great! And if you get beaten, robbed and thrown in the alley it’s all your fault! C’mon in! Be a man!”

Most of the women stand with him, and echo his “Man UP!” call, ululating in chorus. The barbecue crowd jeers at him. The men in the shadows gnaw on their dried out jerky and stare at him in utter silence. He goes back into the failing restaurant and tells everyone inside how great the service is. As he speaks, another male patron is beaten, robbed, and as he’s being ejected out the back door he grabs a knife in the kitchen, then stabs himself in the heart and dies in the alley.

No one in the restaurant one says a word, everyone looks away and pretends nothing just happened.

I believe this fills out the scenario a bit. How one views the restaurant depends on where one stands. Sitting in a cozy booth in the back, with family all around, the restaurant is a great place. Standing outside by the barbecue grills, the restaurant may look too expensive, the dress code too stuffy. From across the street in the shadows the restaurant looks good, but seeing man after man being beaten, robbed, and thrown away into a dumpster-strewn alley leads to a different perspective on the restaurant than one might get in the cosy back booth. The view from the backside of the restaurant, the alley? Standing outside, with empty pockets, black eyes, and a broken nose & fingers, the restaurant is a crooked deal, run by thieves, cheats, and liars.

Perspective makes a difference.

It’s conversations like these that provide superb Red Pill wisdom within the Manosphere.

Dalrock’s Original Post

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27 thoughts on “The Marriage Analogy – A Must Read

  1. DirkJohanson on said:

    Well done (no pun intended). Speaking of restaurants, if we had free markets in the barbecue pits (ie legal prostitution), half of ’em would be closed in a month.

    • Infantry on said:

      More like takeaway from the Restaurant. The guy gets his food, but doesn’t have to escort a woman in. No risk of being roughed up and robbed. Doesn’t have to wait in the long long grill lines that are skipped by women who get served immediately at the grills.

      Of course the women losing their chance at men who could possibly escort them in complain to the restaurant management to shut down the takeaway window. The management, seeing a chance at increasing their patronage with serving twice as many meals agrees with the women. No more takeaway, unless the men go into the dangerous alley and get the chef’s assistant to do quick illicit deals for food out the back door.

      Still a good deal for the men not willing to wait in the long lines for the grills, even if they have to dodge the bouncers who occassionally check the kitchen.

      Of course I’m one of the guys charming the ladies to buy me food from the grill so I don’t have to wait in the queues. At least until I can find someone worth taking into the restaurant.

      • Scotsman on said:

        “No risk of being roughed up and robbed”

        I wouldn’t say there’s no chance of that. But there’s less chance, and the amount of money taken is limited to what you brought. Obviously, it does still beat the hell out of losing your home and most of your assets.

  2. When, oh when, will the girls ever figure this out?

    Amazing analogy. Pity you can’t put it on a bumper sticker.

    • Girls can’t figure it out when its spelled out for them and you think they’re going to be able to figure it out if its truncated into a bumper sticker?

      Here’s the reality: girls cannot figure it out. Period. Not that I’m a believer in a higher being, but that’s what religion is about. It make rules, since girls cannot – and I repeat, cannot – under any circumstances, in any significant numbers, figure it out.

    • Relationships are like restaurants:

      Pick a good one or you might end up poisoned.

      [Perhaps that will fit.]

  3. Brilliant stuff. Lot to ponder there. Where are we in all this? Are we the guys watching from the shadows and waiting for something “big” to change? I don’t quite think that’s it. Speaking for myself, and if I may be so bold as to suggest, a lot of us “here” don’t think the “big” change is a coming anytime when we’ll see it, so were gaining the knowledge necessary to navigate the new/old rules. Whether you are a young buck in your early twenties trying to make sense of the crazy or an old salt like some of us that have been through the wringer and marriage/divorce process start to finish.

    I do believe there are a large group of us, who underneath our PUA and poon slaying veneers secretly love the idea of the restaurant. We’d like to be in that restaurant but we know the score now and that the odds are stacked against us. The house never loses for long. So maybe we are the middle ground like Mentu mentions over at U of MAN in a recent post. We are the devilish bunch circulating around the BBQ pits like sharks.

    I think if a change is coming, it’s not going to be lead by the Church or the .gov or any organized anything. It’s going to be one man and one woman at a time saying “enough of this shit”, recognizing the Red Pill reality of gender relations, submitting themselves to that reality and ultimately embracing the beauty of it. This will allow them a chance to find a way to make it work for them within the larger toxic environment. But you’re going to need two key ingredients which are hard to come by, a Red Pill Man and a Red Pill Woman. Trinity and Neo.

    Holy crap I sound like a 14 year old chick writing bad poetry. Lolz. I have to stop working such weird hours.

    • DirkJohanson on said:

      Being gay is the most likely way to be in the restaurant. Too bad the very thought of it doesn’t make me feel a little sick.

    • just visiting on said:

      People will sort themselves out according the risk /reward level that they feel comfortable with. Shaming on either side is divisive. People are in the sphere for different reasons.

  4. So the fellas who cook healthy foods for themselves at home (because they can’t stand the evil restaurant, the unhealthy BBQ cookout and the crap beef jerky) are what?


  5. Wet WIlly on said:

    Dalrock is in a tough conundrum. He’s for Marriage because it is the best situation in which to have a family and being a christian he’s ‘morally’ compelled to support the arrangement. However the Marriage tradition has been gutted and the carcass that remains stinks. So he’s faced with a choice; defend what’s currently called marriage and employ all manner of selection discretion, game and behavior techniques OR reject it as a raw, extremely risky deal with too many inherent incentives for women bail, cheat, and/or rob.

    Hey I like a slow cooked BBQ pig just like the next guy….that is BEFORE it has been picked over and all the good meat off the bone. A few may still call what remains “BBQ Pig”. Most will see it for what it is – scraps – and eat something else instead.

    • P Ray on said:

      I think he supports the marriages that exist,
      while telling people thinking about it (for their future) that things have changed.
      Women can’t be gamed by men they dislike or hate.
      Game has to work off of a foundation of attraction.

  6. And what has changed in the past few years? Someone installed a CCTV (the internet) in the alley, and now the men outside can see the beatings that previously happened out of view.

  7. Licorne Negro on said:

    I would say more…
    The mafia that runs the restaurant are already robbing the men in the BBQ (cohabitation).

  8. Days of Broken Arrows on said:

    The restaurant is getting bad reviews by online critics who say its the dining equivalent of a chick flick. So fewer and fewer men start attempting to go in. Alas, we have female diners reading magazines, self-help books, and watching “Oprah,” trying to figure out how to get a man to take them into the restaurant. A gigantic industry springs up teaching women how to get taken into the restaurant.

    Soon after, people start missing the point, thinking that the very act of being taken to the restaurant is more important than the dining itself. Few people learn that in order to eat in a restaurant you need table manners, proper hygiene, and a knowledge of what food actually is. So on the rare occasion when women do get taken to the restaurant, things usually fall apart because no one knows how to make the dining experience work when they get in. Ordering everything for yourself and being a glutton is not the route to a good meal. Running up tabs you can’t pay is not good either. And flirting with the waiter or making it with the cook in the bathroom is also very bad.

    When clergy catch wind of all this, the decide to back the restaurant and declare the fast food men now prefer as “sinful.” They begin shaming men for eating it, saying that it’s morally right to only eat in the restaurant. But the men have already read too many Internet reviews of the restaurant to believe the clergy anymore.

  9. DirkJohanson on said:

    Not really. Thru taxes, MGTOW are stuck paying to clean up the garbage from the bbq pits

  10. wingman on said:

    Dine at the restaurant, then when you go to the restroom sneak out the back and get fast food.

  11. Pingback: The restaraunt analogy takes on a life of its own. | Dalrock

  12. Good and popular guys are getting thrown out of the restaurant at the hands of vapid and naive female patrons. All the other men don’t hold it against him, better luck next time.

    The same guy is ready and willing to bring a girl in, but she freaks out when he stops at the cocktail lounge/bar. “How dare you bring me here! You must not have the wallet to afford a meal! Or you must not be friendly enough with the staff! She storms to the bouncers, but the bar is close enough to the door that he makes a quick exit.

    Meanwhile, its becoming pretty obvious who has been eating barbecue. They are bulking up.

    *Its a tough dilemma to suggest what to do. If you send patrons along to the next restaurant, that restaurant is going to have to hire a swarm of bouncers to compete with the original one. When half the patrons are getting booted, can you honestly invite people to dine in good faith? If you are a patron already, you have to man up, but not by hosting some barbecue muncher. You have to be proactive and complain to the waitstaff. They were comfortable with the high turnover since they could easily seat the next sucker, but now they are desperate to see the tables emptying out. They might have to change their policy if their last comfortable patrons decide to start walking out. The food is fine, but the atmosphere died.

  13. eating out is a luxury that no one can really afford anymore, but some guys are still shamed by society to continue wasting their money on things they don’t have any use for.

    as a result, I think our near future is going to see a lot more home cooked meals, provided by stay at home moms burned out by feminism.

    • P Ray on said:

      As Vox Day has frequently pointed out,
      the higher the looks quality of street-level prostitutes in a country,
      the more men are letting women sort things out for themselves.

  14. Atlas is Shrugging on said:

    What better way to ruin a fine dining experience than gorging oneself on cheap barbeque during the afternoon and early evening?

    Women spending too much time at the barbecue pits early on in the day, should they be lucky enough to find a man to take them into the restaurant later in the evening, will have a much more difficult time enjoying the meal than, say, a woman who avoids the barbecue pits and shows up hungry. As the evening wears on, and it gets more and more difficult to find a man to escort them in, the women at the barbecue stands grow more desperate. The men, however, have developed a taste for barbecue by the late evening and see no need to pay top dollar for a fine meal. Why bother when you are already full and you can always go back for another round when you get hungry again?

    Alas, what few people realize is that it is not 1950 any more, and there are many many restaurants, with cuisines from all over the world, to choose from. This one particular restaurant is no longer the only game in town, and has managed to price itself out of the market with its poor service (ejections by bouncers) and exorbitant prices. The food simply isn’t that tasty anymore, not to the discriminating diner anyway.

    If those men in the shadows stop focusing on this one restaurant, they will realize that new restaurants are popping up all over town: Russian, Thai, Polish, Brazilian and any one of another of specialty cuisines. Not only are the prices much cheaper, more people seem to be enjoying themselves in those restaurants: no bouncers, and the overall ambience is so much more pleasant. They also have both dine-in and take out options. While American men are increasingly enjoying these restaurants, American women hate them and will only eat in the American restuarant. In fact, American women are not even allowed inside them. The only option for American women is the American restaurant or the sidewalk barbecue stands. Either way, the food seems to make most of them fat.

    I can’t speak for everybody on this board but I can tell you that, having tried exotic cuisine, there’s no going back for me. I will never eat American cuisine – be it from a restuarant or a food cart – again.

  15. Pingback: Linkage Is Good For You.6-24-12 | Society of Amateur Gentlemen

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