A Social Exercise For Men

One of my readers commented that he wanted more specific exercises and less theory. I agree. I have already started with the Read Her Mood exercise (link below). Thankfully, Danny called me with an exercise that he originally posted about some months ago. It’s a fairly simple exercise…

Every time you are required to interact with a woman while doing your errands – think retail employees, bank tellers, even the DMV (shudder) – make a point to give her a light compliment. Don’t stare at her, don’t mumble, and don’t lean in too close. It’s not quite a throw-away compliment and it’s not your goal to get her number.

Here are some suggestions on what to compliment:

  • Ear rings (thanks Danny)
  • Glasses
  • Other accessories and jewelry
  • Hair style
  • Eyes
  • Make up

Don’t compliment with anything that relates to her body. Stick to the face, hair, or something on her wrists.

I’m not going to give examples of specific compliments because memorized lines never, ever sound natural. It’s up to you to figure this out on your own. With practice, you’ll get quite good at it and you will be remembered.

Don’t use this compliment (courtesy my weird colleague): “Yo shorty, you got some nice bilateral symmetry.” Damn, he’s weird.

Once the compliment is delivered, quickly note the response. Most women will smile and take pleasure in what you said. Hey, you probably made her day. If she looks uncomfortable, there maybe something in your demeanor that makes her uncomfortable. If this happens consistently, you must work on this.

When the transaction is complete, move on because you’ve got a busy life. In fact, if you’re making a point to run more errands (link below), you’re definitely a busy man.

This exercise serves three purposes:

1. It gets you to notice women you might not normally notice. Women are everywhere but men tend to only notice the more attractive ones.

2. It gets you to observe (be subtle, dammit!) an individual woman’s features other than her torso (never look at her chest!). You’ll get good at this and be able to do it quickly.

3. It helps with a man’s overall social skills and ability to communicate quickly and effectively.

As you get really good at this, you can take it to the flirting level. This can be especially fun but takes some serious ability to read women and the social context.

A Dating Exercise For Men

Run Your Errands Alone

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  1. #1 by theoak on December 12, 2012 - 1:07 PM

    no. stop inflating womens egos, leave undeserved compliments to the beta herbs

    • #2 by theprivateman on December 12, 2012 - 1:10 PM

      These types of exercises are about improving a man’s social skills. Also, the social interactions are harmless and agenda-free. Where there the agenda of some type of “close”, then very different rules apply.

      • #3 by theoak on December 12, 2012 - 1:54 PM

        despite your intentions, you are still inflating the ego of an already “gassed up” female.

      • #4 by theprivateman on December 12, 2012 - 2:13 PM

        It’s certainly an unintended consequence of this exercise. But short of sending ill-prepared men into the IRL (in real life) singles and dating scene, a man needs to practice and the exercise is solid.

      • #5 by koevoet on December 12, 2012 - 3:01 PM

        Agreeing with PM on this one. Especially since it is complimenting on an accessory, style, or clothing, not so much about the woman herself. Calling one ‘brave’ or ‘noble’ for saying something cnutish (I’ve seen this) is the sort of flattery that inflates their egos.

        Besides, you can always look at it on the bright side – this could be taken as objectifying!

    • #6 by 3rd Millenium Men on December 12, 2012 - 1:14 PM

      Privateman, I’d add in to make sure that you hold eye contact a couple of seconds more than you generally would with someone.

    • #7 by LostSailor on December 12, 2012 - 5:16 PM

      theoak: Sorry, I’m not responsible to the inflated egos of women. They’ll be “gassed up” with or without an remark about their accessories. It is not my responsibility to deflate the ego of unknown women unless I’m trying to bang them.

      Plus, most of the women you will interact with while running this exercise will necessarily have inflated egos of such proportions. Retail sales clerks, bank tellers, the check-out girl at the grocery store, the ticket lady at the movie theater are not likely to have highly-inflated egos, so the exercise is largely harmless in that regard.

      The exercise is not about them, it’s about him.

  2. #8 by Hamster Tamer on December 12, 2012 - 4:27 PM

    Yellow Flag: if the woman in question has been on the couch with her cats (socially isolated) for a while, your innocent compliment might spark her to pursue you. Have your white lies/soft letdown on tap.

    RED Flag: Never compliment a woman’s make-up directly, saying “your MAKE UP looks great” is going to come across ALL wrong, i.e. Hamster Translation: “*I* look like aged crap, but my *cosmetics* look great?…” It’s also a back-handed insult to her core “lady skills”, i.e. you’re not supposed to notice that her “good looks” are a result of war paint, lol. Best to stick with hair and jewelry, or accessories, such as a stand-out scarf.

    I’m old… learn from my embarrassing mistakes, lulz.

  3. #9 by Cail Corishev on December 12, 2012 - 4:52 PM

    Sounds like a great exercise. I have a retail store as one of my businesses, and the other day I was talking to a female friend who was complaining about retail people who don’t chat with you while they’re handling your purchase. She wasn’t asking for deep conversation, just some chatter so you’re not standing there in silence. (Obviously she’s an extrovert.) I hadn’t thought about it much, but I don’t do that as much as I should. I’m friendly enough: can I help you find anything, thank you, come again, the usual stuff. But I don’t go out of my way to make light conversation as often as I probably should.

    The other day a cute young brunette was in and seemed to be sort of chatting me up a little, and I didn’t run with it because it caught me off guard. If I stayed in practice by doing things like this exercise, that wouldn’t happen.

  4. #10 by LostSailor on December 12, 2012 - 5:27 PM

    I also do the eye-contact exercise.

    This works particularly well in NYC or any other larger urban setting. When walking down the street, keep your head up and make eye-contact with women you pass. If she holds contact (many are too self-involved to notice, but that’s okay), give her a slight smile or grin. I sometimes throw in a very slight head-tilt. Roissy advocated a version of this where you would wait until she broke contact first or you actually passed her, putting her out of sight. That is a good goal to work on, but if you’re not experienced, it’s fine to break contact after she sees your grin.

    There are several benefits to this:

    It will improve your posture and therefore your body language, keeping your head up and your shoulders back. Observe how most guys, walking alone, navigate a sidewalk and I guarantee you’ll see head down, looking at the pavement, slouched shoulders, and hands in pockets.

    It trains you to look at people, helping inculcate observational skills and getting you over the normal social training against doing this. Observe how the women react.

    The eye-contact, grin, posture, etc. all project the image of a happy, confident guy. And once this attitude becomes second nature, you’ll be that guy.

    Just don’t do this to other men; depending on the environment, they could either perceive it as a subtle threat or an invitation. Not good either way…

    • #11 by Ronin on December 12, 2012 - 7:35 PM

      Approved. I make it a habit to make eye contact with EVERY female when i’m out and about. The brave ones that hold contact i reward with a system of responses thusly. Teen girls i’ll make a silly face, guarantee girlish chuckles. College to middle age get a sly smirk and those menopausal to Gran get a wink with a sly grin.

    • #12 by Vicomte on December 13, 2012 - 6:38 AM

      Any man can hold eye contact with a woman. Nothing ventured, as they say.

      There was a time, in my younger days, when I enjoyed dying my hair bright pink and wearing a bit of make-up (Your smart-ass comments are preemptively noted and remain beside my point). I’ve always made a habit of making eye contact with people when out and about, and I can say with some certainty, that while looking into the eyes of strange men on the street may not be smart, If I can get away with it and be better for the experience, so can you. ‘Do more than you can, and then it’s easy.’

      Best not to smile, though. I remember one instance of a group of latino gangbanger types where a smile might have gotten me killed. Instead I just received the death stare.

      Either that, or he was admiring my eyeliner.

  5. #13 by Nate on December 12, 2012 - 6:44 PM

    “no. stop inflating womens egos, leave undeserved compliments to the beta herbs”

    No, why dont *you* stop being a retard.

    Part of learning game and being social is understanding nuance, not being so literal in your thinking, and understanding there is no black and white. Rules can be bent. In fact, the champs break all the rules form time to time.

    You should be striving to have the mindset of a champ, someone who can give a nice compliment in a non-needy, offhand way and see success from it rather than that of a dumbass manospambot who stringently adheres to his no compliment rule with nothing to show for it.

    • #14 by LostSailor on December 12, 2012 - 8:02 PM

      In the feminist matrix, some rules can be bent. Others can be broken…

      • #15 by Stingray on December 13, 2012 - 9:12 AM

        Women want today’s social rules broken by men (as long as it is directed toward *her*) . It shows you are above them.

    • #16 by RockHard on December 14, 2012 - 9:13 AM

      ^This.
      Gotta say that this is a GREAT exercise, and funny enough I was just telling myself that I needed to do something similar. So what if it inflates her ego? I knew a guy who did legal work in the oil & gas industry. He spend a LOT of time in county courthouses in Bumfuck out in Flyover country hunting down deeds, titles, stuff doing research on property and mineral rights, interacting ALL the time with middle aged women who typically knew everything that had happened in the county in the last 20 years and where it was documented. So what does he do? He flirted with all of them. Not outrageously, but exactly like how PM describes. The women ate it all up and the guy was awesome at his job because he had 50 women all over the state who would fall over themselves if he needed something, all for the price of a little bit of attentiveness.

  6. #17 by Candide on December 14, 2012 - 1:08 AM

    So this is why I see so many beta herbs complimenting women on all the little things they have on themselves. See also: Facebook pics posted up by chicks and related comments.

    I blame you, Private Man!

  7. #18 by dannyfrom504 on December 14, 2012 - 4:47 AM

    Personally, go with the earrings because it sets up some escalation. When she thanks me for the compliment, I follow with- “well they bring attention your eyes, and you have really cute eyes.”

    NEVER had it fail. Never.

    Commented on a drive thru chicks glasses and a few days later I went back and made a comment about liking her glasses and she informed me I told her that last time.

    I honestly didn’t recall ever seeing her before. She was shocked when I told her I didn’t remember it. Lol.

    You c what I did thur?

  8. #19 by MarkyMark on December 14, 2012 - 8:16 AM

    One doesn’t even have to make a compliment, especially if the woman in question is someone you see on a regular basis. For example, there’s a local Chick-fil-A I go to in my area, and there’s a certain young woman who often serves me. Well, the other day, she had her hair straightened; it’s normally very wavy bordering on curly. I simply ASKED her if she’d straightened her hair, nothing more. She smiled, said cheerfully said yes, and thanked me for noticing.

    I didn’t do this as part of an exercise though; I simply noticed that something changed in her appearance, and I asked about it. For those not wanting to inflate women’s egos, this is a good way to go. That said, this will only work with women you encounter on a regular basis, e.g. store cashiers, women you work with, etc.

    • #20 by Candide on December 14, 2012 - 5:30 PM

      My personal favourite on hair: “What happened to your hair???” with amused facial expression.

      They always struggle to figure out whether I’m complimenting them or not. Same principle applies to every little thing I say. Coupled with a certain face that they love and hate.

      I teach dancing sometimes. A chick once made an observation after executing a few movements for my viewing pleasure. She did ok, and I said nothing but had the face on. She said she couldn’t figure out whether it was complimentary or judgmental, and she wasn’t sure whether she should be excited & proud of herself, or mad at me.

      90% of the time I make a verbal compliment to a woman, it’s when I’m taking her clothes off. The other 10% is when they cook or bake me a very nice meal (only 10% cos I’m a better cook than most of them). I make them work hard to get a compliment from me.

      Be frugal, fellas.

      Do a similar exercise, but instead of a compliment, ask something like “What’s the story behind that?” Your attention to it alone is valuable to her already. Don’t say you like it. Let her run her mouth and keep her guessing.

  9. #21 by Laguna Beach Fogey on December 17, 2012 - 5:29 PM

    I’ve had some success over the years with mentioning the female’s perfume, and, more recently, shoes.

    The fact I actually know something about scent and shoes helps. Women are drawn to men who notice these details. I’m currently stringing along a 43-year old hot blonde cougar whom I initially pulled when I asked her why she wasn’t wearing Christian Louboutins. Her jaw dropped and eyes widened as I uttered the words. But this may just be a Newport Beach thing.

    The trick is to avoid coming off as a homosexualist or fetishist. If one is unsure, follow up the comment with a thinly veiled neg.

  10. #22 by AnonymousDog on December 18, 2012 - 12:29 PM

    “Women are everywhere but men tend to notice only the more attractive ones.”
    No, there are some places where there aren’t any women. I know, I’ve lived in some of those places.

  1. A Social Exercise For Men « PUA Central
  2. Oh, Come On… « The Private Man
  3. Lightning Round -2012/12/19 « Free Northerner

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