The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the day “December 5, 2012”

A Social Risk Is Still A Risk

[A very recent post over at Heartiste (link below) covers “peacocking” in some detail. Peacocking is a form of social risk which I covered about six months ago. Read on]

The willingness to take a risk is one of the hallmarks of a man with Charisma and confidence. When a man takes a risk, women get all tingly. Normally, a masculine risk is considered something physical or financial. Skydiving and short selling Facebook stocks are both excellent examples of what would be considered masculine risk. Men and women both know this. Taking these kinds of risks is a clear demonstration of masculine confidence. As we all know, the masculine attracts the feminine.

There is one type of risk that yields attraction from women but is generally given short-shrift by men. However, it’s a risk that far too many men are unwilling to take. It’s the social risk. The classic social risk is for a man to approach a woman and initiate a conversation. The unwillingness to take this particular risk is known as approach anxiety. The man is so afraid of rejection that he’s unwilling to take the risk. The solution to that, by the way. is outcome independence, very tough to achieve.

But any social interaction contains an element of risk. This is why the expression “polite company” is used. We have rules for social discourse to mitigate the risk of being offensive or insulting. Men are supposed to be humble and women were supposed to be demure. Now women seem to be expected to be sassy, outspoken, and even abrasive. (Link below). As the expectations for women have changed, why not allow men to break away from the whole humility bullshit?

My friend Danny (link below) uses ordinary and ritualistic social interactions to risk drawing attention to himself. Seeking such attention is not an act of humility, as is normally expected from men. When dealing with service women – cashiers, for example – he responds to the standard, “how are you doing?” not with a quick and softly spoken “Fine” or “Good”. He responds with a loud “super fantastic!” Such a response serves to almost brashly draw attention to himself. He reports that this always yields a smile and a complete change in the nature of that ritualistic social interaction.

My young colleague with the cheesy mustache discovered this when he was ordering lunch at a local burger place. I had told him about Danny’s approach. When asked “how are you doing?” he responded with an enthusiastic “Fantastic!” According to him, the girl behind the counter smiled and was immediately friendly, to the point of calling him “Boo” during the brief interaction. My colleague was taking a social risk by responding in a way that would draw attention to himself. The outcome could have been that the young women behind the counter could have thought him as weird or perhaps even creepy. But her attraction needle jumped a bit because most women respond favorably when a man takes a social risk.

Before my male readers start taking social risks, it’s extremely important to understand the overall social context. The two examples of risks I mentioned were in a ritualistic and completely safe environment. While women do respond well to a man who takes a social risk, it’s only when she feels safe and  and not threatened. Approaching a woman walking home late at night is stupid folly. As well, the man must have good social skills and body language to take any type of social risk so as not to come off as creepy. (link below).

One of the core tenets of Charisma is that a man should be approaching and initiating social interaction with anybody. Another way to put it is that men should take social risks and be willing to receive attention.

Danny from 504

Succeed Socially

Online Profile Codewords Used By Bossy And Domineering Women

Evidence That Peacocking Words

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