The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Run Your Errands Alone

“Hey, I’ve got to run to the supermarket, want to come with me?”

“Sure, swing by my place and we’ll hit the supermarket to swoop some bitches.”

Gentlemen, I’m an older and wiser man. If any man, any time, and regardless of age, uses either the term “swoop” or “bitches”, it is time for me to utilize the amazing stopping power of the Garand M1. Such terms are ancient history. Grow. The. Fuck. Up. You’re welcome. Those terms are obsolete.

You’re a man. You’ve got things under control. You don’t need your goofy (and possibly cockblocking friend) turning a simple errand run into something vastly more complicated. Maybe your friend is a complete stoner and insists on lighting up in your car. “Dude, it’s just a couple of hits!” If so, time to jettison that friend, on the curb, at speed. Use your right leg without restraint. Anyone in your social circle who selfishly risks your legal status as a criminal is a person no longer in your social circle.

Errands are necessary so deal with it. However, errands can be vital to meeting new people, including the damsels. Getting a month’s worth of stuff so you can cocoon in your nest playing video games won’t “swoop” you any “bitches”. Having your goofy, stoner friend makes it even worse. He’s in the produce aisle giggling at cucumbers while you’re trying to figure out healthy meals as you check out the onions. If he’s associated with you, that’s not real attractive.

If you need minor stuff for your place or yourself, space out the errands and tell no one of your forays to Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Of course, your dumb-ass friends have no knowledge of this. Women love such types of stores and you, as a man in control of his life, exhibits style and confidence when selecting some comfy towels to replace the wretched rags draped haphazardly over the shower curtain rod.

Such minor errands apply to everything you need. Don’t stock up on everything at once. Buy a portion of what you need so have to return to the big box retailer. Each time you visit is an opportunity to interact with people. Single women have to shop, too. As well, if you’re on a mission to find a specific item, the socially awkward vibe is well mitigated. But please, have something already in our cart of your basket. A dude lurking about the towels or bath oils is not a good thing. NO LURKING!

If you’re not around people, you’re not going to meet anyone!

And leave your weird-ass friend behind.

Single Post Navigation

24 thoughts on “Run Your Errands Alone

  1. I’m have the same F-ing problem with my friends. One is a stoner and another one can’t control himself in front of others and has to belch or act stupid in front of girls knowing I hate his behavior like this and already warning him a few times.
    Last weekend, we played cards in the common room of my student flat ( i’m 35, never studied but yet live in a place with young international students). A hot young girl I had never seen before walked by a couple of times to go the kitchen, my “friend” started acting stupid so after playing the cards I told him we’d never play again there. He was insulted but fuck him. i can’t have people like him around anymore. This has being going on for years. I’ve known the guy for 13 years. This weekend I took a stand. If I never see him again, so be it.

  2. True about leaving the friends behind – most are so far removed from any comprehension of meeting women walking down the street or chatting one up in a common place that they can’t help but not get in the way.

  3. AnonymousDog on said:

    I just don’t know, Private Man, something’s wrong here, somehow. Whether it’s you, or the community you live in, or what. Do you realize how pathetic you sound, saying, “I like to divide my shopping up into inefficient repeat trips to the store so that I will have more chances to meet people”?
    Again, I’m not sure it’s you, since it seems to be widely accepted that meeting new people and making new friends has to be camouflaged with non-social activities. I just don’t know.

    • I honestly don’t care how pathetic it sounds. Too many men have a serious problem with social isolation. Personally, I’m a social, gregarious, and outgoing guy. Hell, I don’t even own a television and don’t have the bandwidth for downloading movies or playing MMORPGs. But I know that the stereotype of the the video game-playing dude who cocoons himself with bad food and technology is based on sad truth. My advice in this post is for them.

      Any good reason to be amongst people, even if in inefficient errands, is something to be shared and encouraged. Hell, this post originated from an idea posted by one of the most serious and successful players on the Rooshv forum, “el mechanico” (

    • This post has some good stuff it. While yes, it is inefficient to make more trips, it does provide more opportunities to meet and interact with people. You never know what might happen.

  4. I don’t know man you come off as rather judgmental in this post. I live 20 mins from San Francisco and smoking weed is as common as breathing air. Personally I’m not a weed smoker but I have plenty of friends that do partake in the activity.

    Regarding shopping at bath body and beyond – no thanks. I have no desire to shop at that store. But I am raising a little girl on my own so I get plenty of opportunity to be around women shit then mostly any man in America. Why did I start buying pads for her when she was 7 years old? So when she was 10 (like now) and we need to actually really get them for her that she wouldn’t feel uncomfortable. To her it’s something we always did since she was a real little kid and is normal. The learning experience is something we are both experiencing for the first time. Like the previous example I learned back then that you don’t buy tampons for little girls, you buy pads.

    Another example is we were buying her jeans for back to school. Her last size was a 14 in the little girl section. I look for 16, can’t find them. We are confused. I ask the female employee and found out when a girl is beyond size 14 it resets back to 0 and she starts shopping in the adult woman section. My god I will never forget the slow walk away from the sweet innocent Wonder Woman hello kitty rainbow brite section into the land of lingerie and thongs. It was the longest walk of my life. I was in horror!

    Anyway I wouldn’t judge someone because they smoke weed and you don’t. Nor would I judge someone because they are weird and you are more conventional. My daughter and I spend just as much time staring at cucumbers and discussing the strangeness of them as we do shopping for healthy meals. And we play video games together from time to time but it hardly is something we do more than a couple times a week (not that this would matter anyhow).

    • Do bear in mind that I’m referencing the archetype of the socially inept stoner personality in my post. Think stoner movie. I’m ignorant of current weed culture so I only have stereotypes to rely on.

      By the way, that was a great vignette about clothes shopping for your daughter. My brother raised two daughters on his own and sometimes shares such stories.

      • Curious, I’ve seen what the manosphere thinks of women in western culture and there doesn’t seem to be much consideration for any at all that are completely free of their hamster. What is your opinion on girls raised entirely by fathers? The type they call “Daddy” and are closer to than anyone. How did your brothers daughters turn out?

        OH and by the way, I thank god I had a girl and not a boy. Why? Because there is no support for boys. Everything from student council, the art classes she goes to, the singing lessons, the theatre plays she’s in — all girls. Boys don’t do that stuff anymore.

        The Girls Inc club down the street with the mysteriously missing Boys Inc.

        The games and kid activities steered towards girls and named and labeled as such but the missing counterbalance of boys activities.

        And most importantly the fact that society would frown upon me being affectionate in any way with a son past the age of 4. With my daughter there is no limit. The more, the cuter, “great dad, lucky daughter” myth is glowing, everyone is happy. (not to say that isn’t true but a myth all the same the same as it would be that I would have to be a completely different father to a boy, in fact LESS of a father if I had a boy to please the betterment of society).

        It’s really quite mindnumbing how our society has affected not the men, but the boys that soon will become men.Nothing is expected of them, they aren’t treated nearly even close to the same level as girls, and in fact are shamed within the fabric of society if they do things like art, music, theatre, student council, … ANYTHING ! As long as it requires any ounce of creativity, leadership, thought, or emotion, society is shying our young men to not embark on those activities.

        It’s quite scary. But fact of the matter is unless something seriously happens to turn this ship around we’re going to have a society of men who don’t know what being a man is with no skills and nothing to offer anyone and women doing everything. When you live in a world where fatherhood is valued to that of merely an ATM machine, what’s the point?

    • Dude, the Private Man doesn’t come off as “judgmental” at all in this post. Don’t be so touchy. It isn’t judgmental to caution people that a friend smoking pot around you might put a cramp on your likelihood of meeting a desirable woman.

      Otoh, I do enjoy judging people for smoking weed. But that’s just me. And in my experience, I see a lot more “weird” people being judgmental towards conventional people than the other way around.

  5. Peregrine John on said:

    God, yes. “Swoop” and “bitches” just begins the list. Dumb-ass stuff like that doesn’t make you sound like you’re on the cutting edge of society, it makes you sound like a wannabe dork. And was there ever such a self-defining word as “weesh”?

  6. Society's Disposable Son on said:

    1. Almost all the stoners I’ve known have had a higher number of notches than myself

    2. You’re writing this article to shame guys that have already given up. Just ask any game playing later 20’s dude, and there are plenty of stories of them failing with women. Sometimes when you suck a game, playing it isn’t any fun anymore.

    • I understand I touched a nerve by using the socially inept stoner archetype. It was not intent to piss anyone off. To all the guys with good social skills and who also happen to smoke weed, I apologize.

      I have tremendous empathy for guys who find all this game stuff so challenging. I was there and a part of me still is. It is difficult, to be sure. That is why I also provide resources such as Succeed Socially. I want younger guys to achieve their relationship goals and what you consider shame, I consider push.

      • Society's Disposable Son on said:

        shame/push I guess they’re two sides of the same coin. But yeah I doubt those recluse gamer types are really reading about how to improve their dating odds, most of those types have thrown in the towel.

  7. Hamster Tamer on said:

    Having now met TPM “IRL”, I can confirm that his paranoia is NOT from horfing the eee-vil weed. (I’m guessing it stems more from a recurring nightmare, featuring jealous husbands with machetes, LOL!)

    In fact, I’m just down the street, and our local (tourist area) supermarket *IS* a trove of tan leggy wimminz, many from Europe and S. America. A bit farther away is a Target “supah-store” that often leaves me wishing I had dressed up… just to get some toothpaste and razor blades. I imagine TPM uses his “Robo Cop” leathers to good effect there.

    Your “Retail Charisma” has to be “up”, but not too hurried. Why worry about “fails” when there’s near zero chance of ever seeing them again? Sometimes I just ask, point blank: “Hellooo… are you…[supercilious arch] single?” Totally on the spot, ball clearly in her court… yet she still has the easy out–white lie–no/engaged/committed/married/etc.

    Back OT… TPM is correct. Discretion in wingmen is crucial. e.g. even though I meet most of my GFs at the gym, not one of my many gym buds would I take along… anywhere… their “YO!, Adrienne…” head-nodding gold chains thing just doesn’t jibe…

    RE: M1 Garand–Thee BEST iron sights. Ever. Anywhere. Even the Swiss never reached that level.

  8. wingman on said:

    PM, what you suggest is just good timeless advice. You and I are in the same age group (ahem..) and I regard each errand as an opportunity. I would go one step further – make it a mission. Force yourself to actively smile and say hello wherever you go. It’s not awkward, it’s just being friendly. If you are crossing the line and acting ‘creepy’, don’t worry, the market will give you that signal. What I hear from an overwhelming number of women is that men actually DON’T approach them in stores. I will follow up later with a couple of situation-specific scenarios that work like a charm.

    • Richard Cranium on said:

      I guess this is one of those situations that those of us with no game see different. Usually an errand is just that. I don’t think “I gotta go to the post office and CVS and I might trip across a chick I want to spit game at so I better put on my Sunday best.” I just go about my business and worry about accomplishing the task at hand.

      Truth be told I tend to dress down in everyday life it helps me go about my business without too much hassle.

      • Any man aspiring to be a Charismatic man should always leave the house groomed and dressed as if he is expecting to meet a hot, feminine woman who will love and respect him. There are times to “dress down” but even dressing down can be done with some style…

    • Interesting notion. When I go shopping, it’s a speed run. Get in, get the stuff, get out, so I can get back to whatever it is I want to do.
      Then again, I live in a place where the ‘People of Walmart’ (and extreme obesity) are the rule, not the exception.
      Maybe I can put this into practice when I move to more fertile ground.

  9. I practice and advocate this position, as well. Engaging the “big, scary world” without a sidekick develops resilience.

  10. Pingback: LIGFY – Oct 21 | Society of Amateur Gentlemen

  11. Pingback: One A Day – A Social Exercise For Men « The Private Man

  12. Pingback: A Social Exercise For Men « The Private Man

  13. Pingback: Ready For Dating? 15 Yes/No Questions For Men | The Private Man

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: