The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the day “September 29, 2015”

On Feminine Pleasantness

[Note: Lots of links in this post to other blog posts I’ve written over the years]

Life is not easy. This is known. How we respond to the difficulties of life illustrates our essential character. Because men and women are different, the two sexes will have different emotional responses to life’s challenges. Men might become more intense, more focused as he concentrates to solve the problems at hand. That’s masculine and because the masculine attracts the feminine, women will be attracted to that.

The culturally discordant plague of “strong and independent” women try to face life’s problems by responding in a masculine way with the same focus and concentration that a man would manifest. But this is contra naturum and impacts women quite negatively in terms of mood and unhappiness. Trying to act like a man simply doesn’t make women happy and this, taken one step further, makes women less attractive to men. Please have a look at the five noble rules of dating.

In the realm of dating and attraction, consistent unpleasantness should never, ever be tolerated by a man. A woman having a bad day or days certainly happens. Having a bad week, month, or year where a woman’s mood never improves is a reason to stop dating that woman. Yes, that includes PMS and menopause. Guys, it’s not your job to make her overall mood and general happiness better. Emotional self-control comes from within and that includes the woman (or women) you are dating. I am not heartless. It’s perfectly reasonable to avoid making her bad mood worse. But if that means constantly walking on eggshells, just leave. It’s not worth the cost to your psyche to be dating such a personality type.

Have you heard or read either of these two hoary platitudes “If Momma’s happy, everyone is happy” or “happy wife, happy life”? Both those sentiments are complete crap. If Momma is unhappy, she’d best get her shit together emotionally. If wifey ain’t happy, it’s not the husband’s nor the family’s responsibility to boost that happiness, especially at the expense of the happiness of others. The woman who “speaks her mind” is also related to this.

A happy and pleasant demeanor is very feminine. A woman’s smile, despite her personal adversity, can melt a man’s heart. Actually, the ability to smile throughout tough times is ferociously attractive in a woman. It’s a wonderful sign of emotional resilience and self-reliance. Kindness, pleasantness, and caring are too often the first qualities a woman abandons when faced with adversity. A blast furnace of social expectations and media messages encourages women to act against their essential nature. This is where the bossy and domineering notion comes into play and it’s not something natural in a woman.

To be blunt and tactless – ladies, go be unhappy on your own time and keep it away from men and the dating process. When your feminine graciousness and pleasantness is restored – that’s up to you and no one else – meet men, go on dates, enjoy your life as you pursue your relationship goals. Your family and female friends will be there to help you through the tough times. Dates, boyfriends, fiancés, and husbands are not the ones to restore your happiness. This is part of your emotional self-control, a very attractive thing, indeed.

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