The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

A Red Flag – No Emotional Impulse Control

It’s summer here in Lauderdale By The Sea. The tourists are gone. The snowbirds are gone. It’s just us locals sweltering in South Florida’s smothering heat. It’s the time of year when personality dysfunctions are in plain sight as folks gather at one of the several outdoor bars in the village. This gives me the opportunity to eavesdrop on conversations amongst us locals.

I have noticed far too many women here lack emotional impulse control. This lack of control firsts manifests itself as the absence of a filter from brain to mouth. I’ve written about such things previously.

From what I’ve read on other blogs, such lack of a mental filter is common amongst women. In certain social contexts this is not inappropriate. In the context of attraction and dating, the verbal filter is incredibly important. Please note that all remarks in this blog post apply specifically to the social context of attraction and dating. Got it?

There’s inevitably a miserable excuse for the lack of a mental filter. Usually it’s an invocation of geography or ethnicity. “But I’m Italian!” or “I’m from New York!”. Guys, if your date doesn’t use her verbal filter and then falls back on these type of excuses, take it as a massive red flag. Adults have the ability to select their words. Children just vomit crap out with little regard to what they are actually saying or the impact of those words on the listener(s).

Worse is the excuse of an unspeakably rude utterance because “I’m just sayin'”. My ex mother-in-law did this all the time. There’s even a parody song about this concept (I can’t find it yet). “I’m just sayin'” is used as a way to completely absolve one’s self of not having a verbal filter.

Another variation of this excuse is “I’m just being honest”. No, she’s being insufferably rude or simply too lazy or selfish to consider what she is saying. Worse still is this stubborn, brutal honest in a woman’s online dating profile. Such honesty is actually quite negative and off-putting to men, especially the top 20% of guys that most women desire. Why should an attractive man put up with any negativity from a potential date or paramour?

If the man hasn’t moved on from such a woman at this point, he’s stupid because the next phase in the lack of emotional impulse control is the emotional outburst of the negative variety. It could be over a miscommunication regarding the logistics of a date. It could be over a delayed text response. It could be over anything quite trivial during the early dating process. The hallmark of such a negative outburst is the F-bomb, either in person or in a text. That must be the last straw. No man must put up with such pathetic childishness, even for the sake of a brief sexual encounter. Guys, plunge not your lance into this dragon.

For the stupid and desperate men, the last phase of her lack of emotional self-control is the physical outburst. It could be an angry push or a slap to the face. This is the realm of the Cluster B woman. The colloquial phrase for this is “batshit crazy”. Even though post-divorce women over a certain age have mellowed, Cluster Bs are still out there and men must be on their guard.

There is no valid reason for a man to start dating a woman without emotional impulse control. Control of negative emotions is paramount. But also be aware of the positive emotions outburst. The common feature is the emotional outburst. A woman on a relatively emotional even keel is wonderful and so much more attractive to men. Ladies, take note and avoid such childish emotional behavior, it’s highly unattractive.

Update: This list from Heartiste regarding “hot girl crazy” is cold, hard, and true.]

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25 thoughts on “A Red Flag – No Emotional Impulse Control

  1. rugby11ljh on said:

    Frame from within. Rollo has been teaching me a lot about saying less and doing more. AFC vs Alpha
    The mindset of action vs words.
    Hell of a good read.

  2. Pingback: A Red Flag – No Emotional Impulse Control | Manosphere.com

  3. feeriker on said:

    Adults have the ability to select their words. Children just vomit crap out with little regard to what they are actually saying or the impact of those words on the listener(s).

    I’m baffled as to why so many men still think that women and children differ in this regard. I’ve yet to meet an American woman under the age of 30 whose mental age comes to within even a decade of her chronological age.

  4. Another aspect in which the RP aversion to the bipolar spectrum confuses me. When you have random emotional flips, after a while you learn to mask and control them. I find it safe to say that other than one BipolarI and one BPD person I’ve met, the people who have the most random, messed up thoughts and emotions present themselves in a far more balanced way. A woman with Bipolar is more likely to pass the “composure, maturity and emotional impulse control” test than any normal woman, given our environment. Probably the same for aspie and schizoid women.

    The more I look into the analyses of older RP men, the more I realize that the average person cannot actually detect mental disorders and imbalances. Humans say we want someone with empathy, but repeatedly fall for charismatic, faux-empathic psychopaths. Humans say we want someone emotionally stable, but repeatedly witness and admire the false, learned stability of someone with bipolar. Humans say we want someone grounded and realistic, but often project that groundedness onto schizoid and paranoid people who are making the greatest effort to stay in this world.

    Mental disorders persist because as a population we can’t actually detect them and, despite our claims to the contrary, we often like them when we meet them.

    • “Humans say we want someone with empathy”

      Men don’t say this. Women say this. I don’t care about empathy. I care about sweetness.

      Women cannot empathize with men in any fundamental way. They have no idea about the impact of testosterone on a man.

      Of course, women have no idea what their amygdala tingles for since when they are aroused they are “In the Moment” ™, so what they say they want often doesn’t match what they really want.

      • True. But I think the difference is more in wording than anything. People list traits to do with empathy and say they’d be scared of dating a psychopath, but when it comes to the moment of truth, most people can’t spot a psychopath and often fancy them when they meet them. It’s only down the line that they eventually see the difference. By the time we’ve noticed psychopaths, most people in relationships with one would have had a baby with them.

      • SSW, I think that women don’t care about the feelings of betas, so I can see betas wanting women to empathize with them. Women care about the feelings of alphas, but alphas don’t feel any lack of empathy so they don’t talk about needing it.

        Women want empathy from alphas, but alphas sometimes won’t/can’t give it.

    • One thing that I’ve noticed is that cluster b women have no problem in attracting men. Their hyper emotionalism (usually positive in the beginning) puts men off ballance (You like me! You REALLY REALLY like me.) And of course, the crazy sex, lol, Their mood swings also create intermittent reward punishment situations. You never know what to expect, so men will start trying to be hyper vigillent of wants and needs in order to keep the affection. And then there’s the drama factor.

      • I care mostly about looks (minimal threshold) and sweetness. Does she make sammiches for me? Does she invest in me? Maybe push-pull works with betas, but it turns me off. Women who try push-pull on me get ignored quickly.

        Playing hard to get? Piss off.

        I can see push-pull and drama working with betas who don’t get much female attention.

      • Men who don’t get a lot of attention end up fish food. by these women. Though alpha types aren’t immune to them. I’ve seen that play out more than a few times.

      • Naturals sometimes enjoy drama. I can see naturals being affected.

        I’m naturally avoidant when it comes to relationships. I’ve had to learn to dial in more comfort. My natural response to push-pull is to avoid it–i.e., to ignore the woman trying it.

        My personality type is probably immune to cluster-b’s. I’ve never had an issue with a cluster-b. Well, when I wasn’t dialing in enough comfort, Mrs. Gamer was in cluster-b mode due to Dread. I’ve become better at providing comfort and Mrs. Gamer’s emotions have stabilized.

        There’s one woman who’s been trying push-pull on me for whom I feel affection. (What man doesn’t feel affection for his girlfriends?) However, feeling affection for her hasn’t prevented me from ignoring her. The push-pull just makes it easier to ignore her.

        Women likely think that push-pull works on alphas because push-pull works on women. Projection. Maybe women see push-pull working on betas and think that it therefore works on all men, including alphas.

        Push-pull works on women and on weak men.

      • In theory it works on women and weak men. The reality doesn’t reflect that. Though, alphas have more defences and offences against it. And some personalities will reject it outright.

      • My experience is that push-pull works on women. They like the ambiguity. I haven’t been observing push-pull being used on weak men, so my answer in that case is theoretical.

        Women have tried it on me. It ends up confusing me and causing me to avoid the woman. My impression is that the woman is trying to sabotage the relationship.

        Men generally like clarity.

  5. Pedat Ebediyah on said:

    @superslaviswife,

    Thanks for scaring the shit out of me, while explaining what’s been happening to me for a larger part of my adult life.

    My “proper” positioning always took violent objection when my loved ones would tell me that I’ve had some “crazy” exes, which I tended to not believe, but rather explain they they just had some sinful ways, or experiences that have left them damaged for which they have not healed or developed healthy coping mechanisms.

    But “crazy” just seemed mean and dismissive, to which they would say, “yeah, if you say so”.

    There is always some reason people behave the way they do. Should we understand the reason so that we can BETTER RELATE to them, or so that we can AVOID them?

    • Empathy does that. Becoming close to dangerous people and protecting people beyond your tribe are the two ways empathy becomes dangerous.

      Regarding your question, I think we should learn about mental and personality disorders and understand the mechanisms and motivations behind a person’s behaviour because it makes society work better. When you rely solely on gut instinct, empathy and your memories of stable people, you can end up in trouble if you come face to face with someone who has a mental disorder.

      But 25% people will suffer a mental disorder at some point in their life and as many as 10% suffer a serious mental disorder and 50% suffer a low level disorder at all times. Understanding mental illness is just another part of understanding humanity.

      If you have a 1/100 chance of meeting a psychopath today, why not know how to spot them, address them, avoid their manipulations and build a healthy dynamic between the two of you? If you have a 1/50 chance of meeting someone who’s seriously depressed, why not know how to calm them, get them to focus on you and not trip any behavioural switches? People are people, but some people need to be treated a bit differently from how your natural blueprint wants you to treat them.

      • Pedat Ebediyah on said:

        This takes an immense amount of awareness, and I’m not talking merely about the clinical understandings and applications.

        “If you have a 1/100 chance of meeting a psychopath today, why not know how to spot them, address them, avoid their manipulations and build a healthy dynamic between the two of you?”

        Building healthy dynamic…do you meant setting healthy boundaries, as opposed to casting them aside and dismissing them as “crazy”?

        I say that because…I’m presently MGTOW for those reasons. I’ve grown exponentially tired of having to navigate through the 1.) sinful ways of too many women 2.) the lack of understanding and maturity in too many women and 3.) the pride and denial in the unhealthy outlook and coping mechanisms in too many women.

        This is just a lot of work. There is nothing wrong with some people going and sitting on someone’s couch.

        I’ve spent a lot of time and energy doing the work on me, and keep running into people who haven’t done a damn thing on themselves.

      • “Building healthy dynamic…do you meant setting healthy boundaries, as opposed to casting them aside and dismissing them as “crazy”?”

        Mental illnesses have varying levels of functionality. As an example, the highest functioning psychopaths are the ones hardest to spot and most beneficial to know. They are generally well-connected, make a decent living and have many people on their side. Often, when trying to befriend a boss, a successful young businessperson, a supernaturally great PUA or a politician, you will be befriending someone with some degree of psychopathy. By knowing more about them, you open possibilities.

        It’s not that you need to continue interacting with them if it’s exhausting and there’s no reward. It’s that you need to know how to interact with them when it comes to first encounters, life or death and situations where you can play them to your advantage before they play you to theirs.

        Humans are social animals. So we need to understand other humans.

  6. This is the post- … I’m not sure what to call it – era. No one has self control. Justice, prudence, temperance and fortitute are old fossils. Immediate gratification!
    In earlier days, both sexes learned to control emotional impulses. Today it is mixes. Alpha Males get away or are even applauded. Feminism has empowered women to be whores.

  7. GeminiXcX on said:

    What was known as “defects of character” is now classified as “mental illness”. The former is a choice; the latter is a copout.

    Why is it *only* Americanized women (regardless of ‘race’) get these mysterious “mood swings”, PMS, and also demand that they can scream at husbands after a baby is born, because hormones?

    There are two types of “mental illness”:

    1)People choose to be evil, until it’s made clear it won’t be tolerated.

    2) Others who have trauma from abuse by type “1)”.

    The first step to curing the latter requires discipline, (or outright execution, if they refuse to change) of the former.

    I’m very politically incorrect with my views on this, and if you don’t like that, oh well.

    -GXcX

  8. GeminiXcX on said:

    Note:

    I do, however, accept the concept of
    Dementia praecox (which has been recently discovered to be caused by brain parasites); and various levels of retardation from brain damage due to faulty DNA at conception, and/or environmental causes such as chemical poisoning or blows to the head.

    -GXcX

    • Keep in mind that personality disorders aren’t classified as mental illness. They aren’t mentally ill as they can be selective in when and who they act out with. People who excuse the behaviour as a mental illness are mistaken. It’s just the scientific way of describing someone who’s personality is so shitty that it’s a detriment to themselves and others.

      • GeminiXcX on said:

        I find your comment interesting, and readily agree with your analysis; especially the ‘lightswitch’ effect.

        I’ve dealt with the types of which you speak. The ability to magically turn parts of your disposition on/off when it suits you is a useful manipulation technique on those who don’t know what to look for.

        I understand that calling these type of people “mentally ill” is a misnomer.

        However, my position is that classifying them as “disorders” is a misnomer as well. “Disorder” means “illness” to me (E.g.: Leukemia is a blood disorder).

        Being an asshole doesn’t make you “disordered/ill”; it just means you like to choose to be an asshole. (As one aside, the original “cure” for “NPD” was being smacked in the head, until one finally decided not to be so full of themselves. And if they didn’t stop, they had no friends.)

        An excellent comment, JV.

        -GXcX

  9. Pingback: A Red Flag – Perfectionism | The Private Man

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