Guys, Don’t Be A Schmuck

Early in the dating process, when a man and a woman have clear mutual attraction and the possibility of a serious relationship is on the near horizon, women often develop some unpleasant expectations from the man. She starts to feel that the man owes her something, something tangible that costs him money. She calls it generosity . He should call it exploitation.

Guys, here’s the rule – if you’re not also directly enjoying the act of your generosity through her actions, you’re a schmuck, a putz, a nebbish. You’re being exploited in the most venal, selfish way imaginable. I say directly enjoy because her smile and words of gratitude are fleeting and can vanish with a mere thought on her part. Smiles and words are too easy for women. She has to earn, through actions over time, your generosity.

If you don’t expect to directly enjoy your generosity through her actions, she will lose respect for you. You’ve become a beast of burden, only deserving to be figuratively whipped when your generosity again becomes necessary for her. No woman respects a man who is in that position. Her hindbrain is telling her that he’s weak and supplicating, no matter what her words might indicate – actions over words, above all.

When a woman expects generosity, a man must directly communicate his own expectations in return. Here’s the immediate response he must deliver when she mentions his “generosity”: “What will you do for me?” There’s nothing selfish about this. That question is the manifestation of a man standing up for himself. He’s showing some backbone. He’s showing confidence. The woman will likely spew out some feisty words in response but a man must ignore that logorrhea. Instead, he must look to her subsequent actions, they will likely be diametrically opposed to her words.

A woman’s expectation of generosity is also a huge shit test for the man. If he says no, he fails that test. If he says yes, he also fails that test. If he applies serious conditions to that generosity expectation, he passes the test. “Sure, I’ll buy that for you, what are you going to for me?” If her response is that her presence is enough or that she’ll stop dating him if he doesn’t, then the man must gird his loins and cut her adrift because she’s simply too selfish to maintain a relationship beyond casual dating. She perceives herself as a special snowflake princess, the type of woman to avoid.

I am completely aware that the definition of generosity does not imply a reciprocal action from the receiving party. But women demand generosity, a concept that also flies in the face of the that word’s dictionary definition. A man’s generosity must be random and unpredictable. It will mean so much more to her. As well, she’ll likely respond in a reciprocal fashion. And guys, don’t forget that dependability and predictability are not attractive to women, no matter what they might say.

Relationships during the early phase of dating is when the pattern of expectations is formed. If she expects generosity and he delivers it consistently and dependably, he’s a schmuck and she will find someone who has some backbone. You’re welcome.

[If you liked this blog post, support my continued efforts through my Patreon or click the Donate button at the top, left side of this page. Thanks!]