The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the day “August 8, 2015”

A Red Flag – No Emotional Impulse Control

It’s summer here in Lauderdale By The Sea. The tourists are gone. The snowbirds are gone. It’s just us locals sweltering in South Florida’s smothering heat. It’s the time of year when personality dysfunctions are in plain sight as folks gather at one of the several outdoor bars in the village. This gives me the opportunity to eavesdrop on conversations amongst us locals.

I have noticed far too many women here lack emotional impulse control. This lack of control firsts manifests itself as the absence of a filter from brain to mouth. I’ve written about such things previously.

From what I’ve read on other blogs, such lack of a mental filter is common amongst women. In certain social contexts this is not inappropriate. In the context of attraction and dating, the verbal filter is incredibly important. Please note that all remarks in this blog post apply specifically to the social context of attraction and dating. Got it?

There’s inevitably a miserable excuse for the lack of a mental filter. Usually it’s an invocation of geography or ethnicity. “But I’m Italian!” or “I’m from New York!”. Guys, if your date doesn’t use her verbal filter and then falls back on these type of excuses, take it as a massive red flag. Adults have the ability to select their words. Children just vomit crap out with little regard to what they are actually saying or the impact of those words on the listener(s).

Worse is the excuse of an unspeakably rude utterance because “I’m just sayin'”. My ex mother-in-law did this all the time. There’s even a parody song about this concept (I can’t find it yet). “I’m just sayin'” is used as a way to completely absolve one’s self of not having a verbal filter.

Another variation of this excuse is “I’m just being honest”. No, she’s being insufferably rude or simply too lazy or selfish to consider what she is saying. Worse still is this stubborn, brutal honest in a woman’s online dating profile. Such honesty is actually quite negative and off-putting to men, especially the top 20% of guys that most women desire. Why should an attractive man put up with any negativity from a potential date or paramour?

If the man hasn’t moved on from such a woman at this point, he’s stupid because the next phase in the lack of emotional impulse control is the emotional outburst of the negative variety. It could be over a miscommunication regarding the logistics of a date. It could be over a delayed text response. It could be over anything quite trivial during the early dating process. The hallmark of such a negative outburst is the F-bomb, either in person or in a text. That must be the last straw. No man must put up with such pathetic childishness, even for the sake of a brief sexual encounter. Guys, plunge not your lance into this dragon.

For the stupid and desperate men, the last phase of her lack of emotional self-control is the physical outburst. It could be an angry push or a slap to the face. This is the realm of the Cluster B woman. The colloquial phrase for this is “batshit crazy”. Even though post-divorce women over a certain age have mellowed, Cluster Bs are still out there and men must be on their guard.

There is no valid reason for a man to start dating a woman without emotional impulse control. Control of negative emotions is paramount. But also be aware of the positive emotions outburst. The common feature is the emotional outburst. A woman on a relatively emotional even keel is wonderful and so much more attractive to men. Ladies, take note and avoid such childish emotional behavior, it’s highly unattractive.

Update: This list from Heartiste regarding “hot girl crazy” is cold, hard, and true.]

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