The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Manage Expectations Early

There are some men with Charisma who are seeking more than just a series brief trysts and assignations with the opposite sex. I fall somewhat into that category. Part of having Charisma is a man’s willingness to manage expectations early if there is the strong possibility of a rather more serious relationship. Blue pill men are just happy to have the attention of a woman, any woman it seems, so they go way too much with the flow and let the woman set the relationship parameters.

Red Pill men know differently. A Red Pill man knows that by framing the relationship on his terms, the woman should be acting in her natural, non-leadership relationship position. The key is the timing and not being a total asshole doing it. As well, set only one expectation per date. If a woman hears a laundry list of your expectations, the date is going to end quickly and badly. As you escalate through your dates, you’re managing your expectations of her at the same time.

Here some easy expectations to set during the dating process. This, of course, assumes that there will be another date.

1st Date – “I’m pretty busy and usually reserve one weekend night for my friends.” You’re not going to get pinned down early. This should be re-inforced as the dating process continues.

2nd Date – “I love the feminine form and clothes that show it off.” This is self explanatory. If she shows up in a sexy outfit for the next date, compliment her, once.

3rd Date – “It’s funny, I’ve never really liked talking on the phone.” You get the idea.

4th Date – “I like having my place to myself sometimes.”

5th Date – “Lingerie looks so sexy on a woman” (even if she’s not wearing anything like that)

By the sixth or seventh date, it can very well be too late to manage her expectations. While it might be obvious to state, it’s important that you know what your expectations of her actually are. Once established, be consistent, too. Such consistency is a hallmark of masculinity and something that she expects from you.

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10 thoughts on “Manage Expectations Early

  1. Such a huge part of LTR Game is taming and leading your woman. So many men fail to realize that – despite what she says, what any of them say – she wants to be tamed. She wants her feminine nature subdued by your masculinity, and she wants you to lead her. Setting expectations early is a great way to do that. A few of the points you mentioned (I don’t like talking on the phone/I reserve a night per weekend for my friends) are also a part of setting the pace of the relationship. As men, we should also be controlling the pace of the relationship.

    This was a great post – thanks for the insight. Its cool to see a man who can mentor younger guys who need to know what masculinity looks like.

  2. johnnymilfquest on said:

    I’ll file this post under “uncommon sense”.

    Every man should know this already, but plenty of men don’t implement this common sense idea.

    For fear of rejection, they end up negotiating later rather than earlier.

  3. This hits on a point that doesn’t get covered much. Relationships take time and Game and Charisma aren’t magic shortcuts. A lot of guys, myself included, start learning all this and expect it to accelerate the process when, in actuality and especially when it comes to real relationships, it might extend the process for most guys since beta relationships develop unnaturally.

  4. Most women think that the beginning of the relationship is the kind of attention they’ll get throughout the relationship, and it escalates from there.
    So the indifferent guy is in a good position since he wasn’t around much to begin with…
    The nice guy who’s always available, she sees as not worth spending time with.
    The inevitable conclusion happens then.

    Women who complain about the men they are in a relationship with who ignore them … don’t tell you how much they put him through initially.

  5. LadySadie on said:

    There are so few women who have experienced this type of leadership that it can be a difficult and somewhat unnerving process for them to go through. In my case, I know what I have been told of the expectations/parameters, but the uncertainty and the waiting are exceptionally challenging.

    If I wasn’t “of a certain age” and didn’t have the good fortune to have some solid advice to keep me on track, I would likely have reverted to unattractive, whiny, demanding, clingy behaviors early on. Not allowing myself to turn to such negative behaviors doesn’t mean that I don’t want to. I am trying to remind myself this is about respect for authority and I will have the added bonus of further developing my patience and self control.

    Unfortunately, Red Pill Men, many, if not most women will probably fitness test your stated expectations relentlessly. Reiterate your expectations and remain true to your original statements. As the last paragraph above says, “…consistency is a hallmark of masculinity…” and there is no doubt that having these parameters set from the very beginning is crucial to establishing a leadership role.

  6. Thomas V. Munson on said:

    I’d reduce the title to “manage YOUR expectations”, in all areas. Most, if not all, human discontent comes from mismanaging one’s expectations. This is very closely related to “gratitude”, Nurturing a feeling of gratitude is at the core of all religion, philosophy, psychology, in fact anything that makes our journey FUN. Yeah, that’s right, I said fun. The funny thing about fun is that we don’t take it seriously(paradox), we treat it as trivial, when it is the only reason we exist (or should exist).

    If you believe in God, then realize that God created you “that you might know joy.” If you don’t believe it changes nothing. If you want life to feel like life and not like waiting in the lobby of a dentist until you die you have to follow the same precepts.

    Which are:
    1) Manage Expectations: There is no easier way to ruin ANYTHING that by expecting too much, whether it’s your wedding night, a rock concert, or a hand job. If you order a $399 salad at the world’s most expensive restaraunt I guarantee you you will not enjoy it, or not nearly as much, if you think “this costs nearly $400 and it better be like having anal sex with The Virgin Mary.” We learn to over expect, just as we learn to over think. Modern advetising makes eating fast food look like a combination of orgasm and a heroin “hit”. Work this dudes work this. EXAMPLE: It’s Monday, I’m at work, just as I’ve been for 30 years in law and a few more before that. I don’t expect it too be “fulfilling”; I expect to be, by turns, boring, tedious, and it’ll be these things unless I screw up or something truly shitty happens, like we lose a client so I will have even less work that is boring, tedious and shitty. My mood should be one of resigned, placid acceptance-and it is . In this mood I am ready to explore moving to #2, which is

    2) Culitvating an Attitude of Gratitude (reads like a 3rd rate self help book you’d see in an airport magazine rack): But it’s the entire game. For example, let’s go back to #1. I have a job-good. I have work-good. And I can write stuff to total strangers who could give 3 shits what I say, because I like to-good. Because my expectations for Monday are in line I feel very good, which is fun (“fun” is not “entertainment”-Americans get that wrong every time. Fun is what you do, what you bring, what’s inside you that you bring out. Huck Finn showed fun can be painting a fence (maybe it was Sawyer). The scene in “King Kong” in the park on the ice; he’s finally having a little fun with that chick, laughing, having the primate “joy” God intended for him, the purpose for the universe until they kill the poor bastard.

    3)RECAP: Expectations=Gratitude=”Fun”: Related to all this, and permeating it actually, is the concept of happiness. Happiness is an ingredient, not a result. Yeah, you heard that too. People (and Americans especially) have the idea that if you add the right elements together, good job, plenty of money, status, lots of good sex, stir, shake and pour-out comes happiness. No it doesn’t, Out comes diversion, satiation, gratification, but not happiness. Happiness is what YOU PUT IN-NOT WHAT YOU GET OUT. And no society including this one wil support that, and a website devoted to liasons etc. is unlikely to have anyone who will accept what I put forth. I don give a shit-it’s true. You can infuse any situation wiht happiness because happiness is your input into the situation, not the situation’s (money, rock star staus, good blow job) affect on you. I am not doing a single goddam thing right now and I am happy. Not excited, not joyous (I know I said God created us that we might know joy,but I said “know” it, not jerk off all the time with it) just happy.

    So start with your expectations I know tpm was talkng about managing HER expectations and I ran away with it. Sorry. If you’ve read this long you given me the only thing I want-your attention.Thank you-you’ve made me happy.

  7. flyfreshandyoung on said:


    Slowly letting her into your life while firmly keeping boundaries and rules puts you in the driver’s seat and gives you a much better shot at pulling a successful LTR.

  8. I don’t know about y’all but a is way too much.Even a is a stretch with the same girl.Eventhough I know you were probably speaking hypothetically about actual having that many dates.

  9. SgrDdyBta on said:

    Post + (most) comments = GOLD on a PLATINUM pedestal. :bow: :bow:

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