The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Woman Up! Make The Man Feel Desired

I started the Woman Up meme with the intention that women look at men differently. When I read comments at Manosphere blogs/websites, I sometimes find gold. This is from Hooking Up Smart. While Susan’s blog isn’t always considered part of the Manosphere, her post’s comments clearly show Manosphere tendencies.

All women should read this from here:

It’s kind of surprising to me to hear that lots of men don’t feel desired or haven’t felt desired by the women in their lives during the past or present. I think that’s a shame. Obviously, those women need to step up their game.

I think the best way a woman can convey desire for a man before they have sex is by being sensual, not sexual. Being sexual revs up the engines for both people too much and too quickly. Being sensual, however, starts a pleasant slow burn that can’t be easily put out. Here are some ways, tried and tested by yours truly, that women can convey desire before having sex with a potential guy.

1. Emit seductive eye contact. Eyes are the windows to the soul indeed. Look at a guy like he is the tastiest morsel on the planet. This type of eye contact should be hot enough to heat both the man and woman up. It heightens the anticipation and I’ve caused men to stop mid stride with this type of eye contact.

2. Hand feed him something. I’ve found this works well. Take a small piece of food, preferably fruit or candy, and feed it to him, allowing your fingers to linger against his mouth. Let him feed you to, all the while giving him the eye contact described above.

3. Be honest about what parts of his body you find attractive. Don’t be afraid to tell him “You have a great butt” or “You sure do know how to wear that shirt”. Let him know that you find him physically desirable. One of my favorite things to do with my ex (sorry to keep bringing him up) was compliment him on how he smelled. A simple “You smell fantastic/delicious” was enough to get him going.

4. As it has already been stated, don’t be afraid to engage in light touching. Hold his hand, playfully slap his shoulder/leg, touch his shoulder, anything. Just touch him.

This shouldn’t be groundbreaking stuff yet sadly, it is.

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32 thoughts on “Woman Up! Make The Man Feel Desired

  1. It’s groundbreaking stuff for women who don’t want to be open with men that they don’t want to feel attracted to.
    Since sex now becomes the universal currency of relation between the genders, and women can get more of it than men, and usually do at every stage of their sexual life …
    most definitely don’t want to show affection because that is where they build emotion …
    which makes them be attached to a guy they don’t want to have any attachment to.

    In other words, for women who are sluts, sex doesn’t mean anything; it long ago got separated from love.

    • just visiting on said:

      You’re right. I’d also add that it’s a coping mechanism. Quick escalation requires a lot of women to have their emotional barriers up. In that frame of mind, being sensual works against that barrier.

  2. johnnymilfquest on said:

    Sassy wrote:

    “It’s kind of surprising to me to hear that lots of men don’t feel desired or haven’t felt desired by the women in their lives during the past or present. I think that’s a shame. Obviously, those women need to step up their game.”

    No, no, no.

    That’s backwards.

    These *men* need to step up their Game and leave the ice queens to their own devices.

    If a woman is frosty with me, that’s because she has chosen to be frosty with me.

    Bye bye frosty lady!

    • As Kenny Rogers says:
      “You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, Know when to walk away and know when to run.”

      An old anecdote from anthropology, is about a young man visiting a faraway, isolated tribe.
      He tells them his ritual of courtship to get a woman; tests of manhood and proof to show his devotion.
      Tribal elders ask: Wasn’t there another girl nearby, who wasn’t so much trouble?

    • Kimberly Vera on said:

      Yes, being in a relationship that’s not warm is not good to stay in for long.



    1) When engaging in conversation with a man in whom you are interested (grammar?) remember he is most used to talking to men- his exchanges with women heretofore will have been strictly functional (work), awkward preliminary-style date talk, and other trivial nonsense discourse. Engage! How? No matter what he says or talks about, FIND OUT WHAT IT MEANS TO HIM! Other males NEVER do this; this will remind him he is SPEAKING to a woman, not merely trying to get into her pants (he is, but we want him focused emotionally as well). Men assume when they deliver the narrative the other male understands the “meaning”, hence no discourse. That’s your job.

    Example: he mentions he likes baseball. Ok, when did he discover his interest? “My dad used to drink beer in those tall Pilsner glasses and watch the game”. DAD-new topic; explore. Did you and your father watch other sports? Play catch? Did he (note now we are NOT talking about your guy, but about his dad; but guess what? Men never stop talking about themselves-listen actively; you’ll here it; he describes his dad-but it’s him).Gradually you and he will explore meaning; thus begins the
    “we” concept that you ladies start from and us guys take decades to develop with you.

    2) Never look down or away when talking to him. As I told Susan Walsh, males reserve this gesture for receiving serious bad news, like your best friend wears panties. Bend is and look up (I’m imaging a couple at a table) if outside etc. then touch him, lightly, on the arm; don’t move in. This is very empowering to a male. Looking away implies you’re thinking of a lie, or at least measuring your response-he’ll go “on guard.

    3) 5 to 1; five words about him for every one about you. The more you get him talking the better conversationalist he’ll think you are. Find truth in what the witch in “The Little Mermaid” said:”It’s the girl who holds her tongue that gets her man.” I know it’s tough; for you gals, silence is aggressive. I’ve knwo plenty of women for whom other women get the ass simply because they’re too quiet, and other women assume she’s a bitch (if she’s “skinny” (gal word-means slim, attractive), wears the right accouterment etc.). Suppress this.

    4) When with a man ask yourself “Who is the sexiest, most brilliant, interesting, funny, intriguing in the entire world?” ANSWER: HIM. That’s right him. Sell it girl; trust me, he’s a guy-you won’t need to be Meryl Streep. But always make sure he does some work,get at minimum some words out of him, an acknowledgment , something-or STOP! It ain’t workin’. Don’t force it; move on,. Trust me on that too.BTW George Harrison wrote probably the greatest love song ever called “Something”. George was all guy; learn from him about guys.

    These are the basics. When you feel a little lost, remember: get him to talk about what it means to him. Don’t ask him what he feels ever. Save that for your girl friends.Meaning often this involves memory; men don’t reminisce nearly as much as they should, and trust me they like it once they start. However careful here; you stay focused on the present, the party you’re at, restaurant, whatever.

    You,may not “get” the guy, but trust me you’ll be respected as a a great conversationalist (because you let him talk), perceptive (because you recognize how brilliant he is), compassionate (because you let him drone on and on about trivial disappointments he should have gotten over decades ago and his other adolescent obsession) and a surprisingly thoughtful, well nuanced observer of the social/political/economic scene (because you did not vomit into your soup or on the floor at his uninformed, one-dimensional, tediously obvious pronouncements on “whatever”, a mish-mash of either “right” or “left” bent half-baked derivative gobbleygook that wouldn’t do justice to an ill-informed 3rd grader in an under-performing parochial school).

    It ain’t easy, but it ain’t hard. Men are not complex; I think it would be easier for you if we were. M final advice, which I will inaugurate here but will endlessly explore here and at other sites is this:
    For a woman, having a relationship with a man is like dancing with a hippopotamus :
    1) you’re going to get your feet and toes smashed’;
    2) the hippopotamus will never learn to do it very well; and
    3) at no time will the hippopotamus have the slightest idea what the fuck is going on.

    But if you give him his bale of hay (i e recognition as I’ve described, plus affection sex, love, food (Dr. Laura says men come down to sex and food; that’s sexiat and degrading but absolutely true goddamnit!) he’ll make a useful, and indeed, rewarding companion.

    Uncle Tom told ya’.

  5. BTW another move you can use; “adjust” his collar. I don’t give a damn whether it needs adjusting or not-howethe hell will he know if you move quickly. He’ll let you; if I tried a similar move on a woman she’d think I was trying to take her dress off. Say “that’s not straight.” This contains just the right touch of non-sensual maternal intimacy, a certain amount of womanly appropriation (by doing it your announcing he’s my man, or, at the very least, he’s with me, and I care about his presentation) and the right touch of feminine brio, which we respond to like bees to honey. Remove hand(s) quickly and resume status quo ante-you’ll have upped the game some girl!

    • Thank you for the extremely useful advice.

      • Miss Fu
        I hope you are not being sarcastic; I am being completely honest. Men hate to think they look stupid; evil, mean, terrrible ok, but a flawed collar is just plain dumb. You are not being too personal as in “you’ve got something in your teeth” which also contains a slight downtripping of his hygiene. This is clean, and sisterly sweet. If he does not respond he’s a clod.

    • I can’t decide whether you’re ‘spoiling’ great information with jokes, or ‘spoiling’ great jokes with information…

      Either way, you write entertainingly AND informatively.

      did you ‘hook up’ with Uncle Elmer on ‘The Spearhead’? If you two get some synergy going, you could turn into ‘the two educational stooges’ (you might want to work on a better name first though – just a tip)

    • I’m sorry if I came across as sarcastic; I really do appreciate what you wrote. I’m somewhat inept in dealing with the opposite gender, so I am eager for any advice.

    • yep, This ^ nailed it!

  6. Although on some level I am sure giving him the posibility to talk the most will hcarm him I think it is still the wrong strategy. On thing I have gotten hammered into my head by the guys at fastseduction is that a man should talk about 30% of the time and the woman fill the rest. This helps maximize the womans atraction. It also fairly well paralels how much words men and women use in a day on average. Part of the reason talking 30% of the time works well I think is because it makes the man fel more mysterious, more stoic and unreactive and it makes teh woman seem more like she is qualifying herself. Although a lot of guys will dislike this at first, I think that once you get used to it you will start to feel more masculine, and hence better, dating women because when you are acting in a way that makes women feel you are more mysterious, stoic and she is qualifying herself to you, you will feel more mysterious, stoic and like you are feeling and behaving with the strength and frame that would make her qualify herself to you.

    I think there are natural patterns for male female interaction that feels better for both when they are followed. Pickup teaches us what these patterns are on the surface and by modelling them we get to see how they actually feel. Then we discover they feel good and more “right” than acting beta. It feels better to control teh frame, it feels better to pass a test than not, it feels better to lead than not, it just feels better and more natural to be alpha once you get into it. My guess is the 30/70% (more or less) rule is one of these natural patterns that once you really start to aply and FEEL the underlying emotions that are connected to it you will love because it is like a law of nature.

    So I think even though a man might be superficially charmed by having the talking patterns reversed, he would actually learn to like them better were they to be followed. It would make him feel more alpha and making him feel more alpha would make him more attracted to you.

    I do think though that a lot of guys are so removed fromt ehir natural alpha tehy would not, without practicing game over time, like the 30/70 pattern and thus it would work best to have them talk more.

  7. tpm:
    Thank you for your kind support over at Rivelino or whatever that is. I do not know how to write to you directly so I’ll post here. Please let me know you’re read this. I may not be reading him correctly;he appears to be tearing into me but I’m not “down” with these kids (do they still say that). Anyway thanks. I have some things to get off my chest and the encouragement of someone I respect is vital to me.

    • Yup, got your message. You can find a way to contact me directly in the Contact Me page.

      As for Rivelino, I need to read more of what has written regarding what you stated. He blogs quite a lot.

  8. just visiting on said:

    Unfortunately, we have 2 possibly 3 generations of women who have never learned how to be in their feminine energy where relationships are concerned.

    • You mean where “never learned how to be in their feminine energy where relationships are concerned”, those relationships being ones with men they can build a future with.
      There is plenty of feminine energy for PUAs. It gets thrown at them.
      “Experience” in relationships means that people get more used to splitting when trouble develops.
      It’s one of those fields where practice makes broken.

      • just visiting on said:

        “Experience” in relationships means that people get more used to splitting when trouble develops.
        It’s one of those fields where practice makes broken.


        I suspect that women working within their feminine energy with pua’s would depend on the ability of the man to elicit trust. They might get strong sexual energy, but hit and miss on sensual feminine energy. I think it also depends on the woman . If her experiences with men have been positive, she’ll be more trusting. I can’t imagine women who have been pumped and dumped a number of times being willing to allow the vulnerability that working from the feminine would require. And as you stated, practice makes broken. A sting of men is not likely to make you softer. More likely somewhat harder.

  9. PM, thanks for the link. I love that quote by Sassy, I think it’s great advice for women. In this SMP, the best men are the ones who will need stronger IOIs from women. So this advice is only as good as a female’s judgment, but assuming she has made a good choice, I believe these behaviors can really move things along.

  10. I like the woman-up slogan.

  11. @Just1
    No because I didnt understand. I’ll try later.

  12. @Miss_Fu
    Allow me to return the apology. Your response could be read straightforwardly, or sarcastically. I’m an attorney; we assume the worst.
    Everything I wrote there is true. But inter gender communication on any level is fraught with complexities. If you focus on a man, really focus, you’re doing about all you can. When you look into a man’s eyes, look at the pupils; think “dots”, try to see the “dots”. Imagine the dark inner eye contains a map and your reading it.Focus on his left eye; neurological science suggests that we reveal our true emotions in that eye, whereas the right eye is where we project what we want others to think we feel. It may be bullshit, but I do it in profession and obtain useful information.He’ll notice your scrutiny; don’t go weird with it.But if you gently use that technique he’ll feel especially noticed and, really, isn’t that what it’s all about at the end of the day? We are all saying “World, I am here-pay attention.” and if you do, with him, there may or may not be sparks but he’ll be aware of “something” I swear it.

    • Miss_Fu on said:

      This will be a bit of a struggle for me since I have trouble maintaining prolonged eye contact; I’m pretty shy. But I hope to have a chance to use it soon. Thanks again.

      • Then don’t look him directly in the eye. Look at his eyebrow. He won’t be able to detect the difference and you won’t get uptight. But looking away or down is bad; he’ll think you’re distracted, thinking of either a lie or a dissembling remark. You don’t have to look at him constantly but he must feel he has 100% of your attention.

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  16. Hooking Up Smart isn’t really manosphere – it isn’t anti-misandrist – but Susan is often realistic and unsentimental about sex and relationships, so naturally she will often say things which are the same as are said in the manosphere. That’s the nature of being correct about something: you find yourself in agreement with all the other people who are correct. People who are wrong are each wrong in their own unique way.

  17. Seriouscat on said:

    It has been like this

    [*] 7 Year Relationship
    [*] She has never initiated sex despite me bringing it up yearly.

    So, I’m with a frosty girl who I now finally realize is very selfish. All of our love making was engaged by me on her grounds of stimulation. You know, cuddling, kissing, being cute etc. She has never once taken charge and been in control… she has never dominated me.

    I don’t feel desired at all. Say what you will about this next line, but I had an affair because I feel so neglected. Would you like to know what this other woman said? “You are so hot!” I want your &*^# so bad.” etc… Get the drift? That pouncing and dominating stimuli is no where with the girlfriend, and never has been. All I have done for 7 years is suppress my sexual desires to please her. Despite me bringing this up at least once a year, she never took the time to really do anything about it. When I asked her recently why she hasn’t initiated sex… her reply was, “… but I already have you!”

    That is a crusher. >.> 😦

    She is so selfish, and frankly I do not deserve to be treated like this. I deserve to feel desired. I am so close to ending this. So very very close.

  18. All sounds real nice

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