Dating For Men – The Date Idea List
Guys, if you’re serious about the dating process, you’ll need to come up with potential date ideas. Some of you might balk at this idea because you have the erroneous idea that planning the date should be completely mutual. That’s wrong because when it comes to dating, the man takes the lead and makes the plans.
For first dates, it’s relatively easy. Have at least three places you can take a date. The list of potential places might include a happy hour, ice cream, appetizers, etc. Meeting for coffee is out. It’s a cliché now and a sign of a lazy man.
Dinner is not recommended for a first date. You hardly know this person (especially if from online dating) and dinner first dates get expensive. Dinner and a movie is the absolute worst first date. If your date expects a fancy dinner for a first date, that’s a big ol’ red flat, right there because she’s not ready for Dating 2.0.
Should there be subsequent dates with the same woman, the date list becomes very important. It saves time and you don’t have to ask the question that kills attraction: “So what do you want to do?” As well, if you’re dating more than one woman, the date list makes life much easier.
Spend some time on the net to find local attractions and events. You might have to hit several websites for this. Keep a list of potential things to do. If outdoors, factor in the weather. Here are some guidelines:
- Live music for a subsequent date is not a good idea. A loud band impedes conversation and shifts focus away from you and to the performers.
- Any event that requires lots of focus also takes her focus away from you and you from her is not a good idea.
- Something that can be done together (pottery cafe) is perfect. Fondue (yeah, it’s still around) or Mongolian hot pot combines food and an activity.
- Comedy (stand up or improv) can work if you sit in the back and can talk briefly between sets or jokes.
- Do you have a handheld GPS or phone with GPS? Geocaching can actually work as a date. Google it, it’s cool. Geography nerds love it.
- Parks, museums, galleries, museums are all good, too. You can walk and talk.
As you identify potential dates, make a note of appropriate dress for you and her. Women are highly focused on what they wear and want it to fit in with the social environment. That applies to you, too. Know the schedule of the event/activity, where it’s located exactly.
If a connection has been established on the first date and the second (third, fourth, and beyond), you will have options. You won’t be asking for the subsequent date, you’ll be saying, “Keep Sunday afternoon open and dress casually, I’ll pick you up at 3PM.” Your car will have enough gas in it, by the way, so you won’t have to stop.
If a meal is in the agenda, make sure you know her dietary restrictions and tastes. That’s something to tease out of her during the first date. Is she gluten-free or lactose intolerant? Likely she’ll mention that on that first date. Stuff like that you must remember. That’s not optional. Also, double-check restaurant hours.
Groupon and Living Social (along with other local coupon websites) can give you some ideas and perhaps a serious bargain. Just don’t let your date know you’re paying with a coupon. By the way, those kind of coupons are becoming increasingly restrictive because they are not very good for the vendors to issue them.
If the connection is strong between you, it’s very likely that your date will like what you will be doing on the actual date. Anything after the first date is about furthering the connection between you and not necessarily about the restaurant, event, or activity itself. If she really objects, have a plan B. A strident objection on solely subjective reasons means that she is not that into you and also lacks imagination or a sense of adventure. Dietary restrictions not-withstanding.
There is a generation of men who seem too scared or confused about taking the lead in dating. It’s understandable given the terribly mixed messages they get from women and the mainstream media. The truth is actually rather simple if not exactly politically correct. Women want men to take the lead. The dating options list is a great step in that direction. Another bonus is that you varying your dating routine so you don’t get stuck in a rut. Oh, and don’t tell her about the list.
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The Private Man 
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Great list. I love geocaching and yes it would make a fantastic date.
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Also, remember this one Leykis rule:
No more than $40 for the date, $0 if you can swing it.
The best dates I’ve had were walks in the park. $0…you get out in nature and the fresh air…and I know I’ll at least have a good time.
Normally great advice PM, but honestly I wouldn’t make the first date any sort of “event” like the pottery thing or geocacheing, museums etc. You are vesting too much up front which (regrettably) with many of today’s women comes across as weak and pleading.
I like to set up first meets like this:
“Lets meet for a glass of wine”. Make it for ~7pm. If you like the girl you will have a second venue in mind such as a live band or another cool bar but these are optional and spontaneous.
“Lets go wine tasting” – Like the above it’s very easy to extend this into a second or third “spontaneous” venue.
“Lets go for a motorcycle ride” – same as above.
Another idea is “lets do a hike” ”
Make it quick simple and with little long term obligation and extend it “spontaneously” if you like her.This thing about locking in a well prescribed event is that it can sometimes be awkward, predictable and inevitably boring.
Never do a dinner date
Don’t be predictable and boring.
Don’t do something you would never consider were it not a date.
That’s my take.
Cheers
Perhaps my post wasn’t clear enough.
That list of dating suggestions is for AFTER the first date.
I’d be leery of happy hours because many of them share fuzzy boundaries with live music events. I’ve been in too many bars, even smaller ones, where the din from conversation and, later, music makes it hard to carry on a conversation with the girl. Also, I can’t sit on a bar stool for very long, so this is out for me.
Instead, I’d go the froyo route, and get it to go. (Or, even better, suggest a small picnic in a park and ask her to BYOB or food. See how she reacts to that. ) Make it a free-ish or low-cost activity. Make it engaging and see how she follows when you lead. Also, ask some non-threatening sexual questions and do some light kino, to see if she responds.
Keep time constraints. No more than one hour or 1.5 hours. Show her that your time is valuable and not hers to waste.
The purpose of the first date is to gauge her as someone worth a second or third date. And, whether she’ll be someone who responds to sexual escalation. If not, time to eject and move on.
a girl has to earn a ride on my bike. That’s like the me time of all me time
Errr yep, Caught it the second time reading. Spot on.
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@PM
// HIJACK
Today was the first time I’ve visited Athol Kay’s blog since he revamped his “MAP” and generalized it for “to appeal to a larger audience”. And you know, the teeth are being ripped out of the lion’s month at an ever increasing rate.
I really respected what he wrote in MMSLP, but not liking the “new and improved” version. He was helping Husbands to get a better relationship through creating a better “them” – but now the women are in the room, and the men are shutting up and sitting down, being polite and systematically being moved to the back of the room and out of the conversation.
I feel for anyone trying to make a buck off Men – it can happen, but we are tough lot to sell to. Women on the other hand, give them a new and shiny object, accompanied with their very own soap box, and you can make a bundle.
The profit motive is tough one to overcome.
HIJACK //
Good stuff. one can easily make fantastic date using above tips.
Nice list, I’m going to use some of above tips
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Thank you for the great article. It was a very interesting read and I will keep it in mind as I try to find the right lady for me.
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