The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the day “July 11, 2013”

Dating For Men – The Date Idea List

Guys, if you’re serious about the dating process, you’ll need to come up with potential date ideas. Some of you might balk at this idea because you have the erroneous idea that planning the date should be completely mutual. That’s wrong because when it comes to dating, the man takes the lead and makes the plans.

For first dates, it’s relatively easy. Have at least three places you can take a date. The list of potential places might include a happy hour, ice cream, appetizers, etc. Meeting for coffee is out. It’s a cliché now and a sign of a lazy man.

Dinner is not recommended for a first date. You hardly know this person (especially if from online dating) and dinner first dates get expensive. Dinner and a movie is the absolute worst first date. If your date expects a fancy dinner for a first date, that’s a big ol’ red flat, right there because she’s not ready for Dating 2.0.

Should there be subsequent dates with the same woman, the date list becomes very important. It saves time and you don’t have to ask the question that kills attraction: “So what do you want to do?” As well, if you’re dating more than one woman, the date list makes life much easier.

Spend some time on the net to find local attractions and events. You might have to hit several websites for this. Keep a list of potential things to do. If outdoors, factor in the weather. Here are some guidelines:

  • Live music for a subsequent date is not a good idea. A loud band impedes conversation and shifts focus away from you and to the performers.
  • Any event that requires lots of focus also takes her focus away from you and you from her is not a good idea.
  • Something that can be done together (pottery cafe) is perfect. Fondue (yeah, it’s still around) or Mongolian hot pot combines food and an activity.
  • Comedy (stand up or improv) can work if you sit in the back and can talk briefly between sets or jokes.
  • Do you have a handheld GPS or phone with GPS? Geocaching can actually work as a date. Google it, it’s cool. Geography nerds love it.
  • Parks, museums, galleries, museums are all good, too. You can walk and talk.

As you identify potential dates, make a note of appropriate dress for you and her. Women are highly focused on what they wear and want it to fit in with the social environment. That applies to you, too. Know the schedule of the event/activity, where it’s located exactly.

If a connection has been established on the first date and the second (third, fourth, and beyond), you will have options. You won’t be asking for the subsequent date, you’ll be saying, “Keep Sunday afternoon open and dress casually, I’ll pick you up at 3PM.” Your car will have enough gas in it, by the way, so you won’t have to stop.

If a meal is in the agenda, make sure you know her dietary restrictions and tastes. That’s something to tease out of her during the first date. Is she gluten-free or lactose intolerant? Likely she’ll mention that on that first date. Stuff like that you must remember. That’s not optional. Also, double-check restaurant hours.

Groupon and Living Social (along with other local coupon websites) can give you some ideas and perhaps a serious bargain. Just don’t let your date know you’re paying with a coupon. By the way, those kind of coupons are becoming increasingly restrictive because they are not very good for the vendors to issue them.

If the connection is strong between you, it’s very likely that your date will like what you will be doing on the actual date. Anything after the first date is about furthering the connection between you and not necessarily about the restaurant, event, or activity itself. If she really objects, have a plan B. A strident objection on solely subjective reasons means that she is not that into you and also lacks imagination or a sense of adventure. Dietary restrictions not-withstanding.

There is a generation of men who seem too scared or confused about taking the lead in dating. It’s understandable given the terribly mixed messages they get from women and the mainstream media. The truth is actually rather simple if not exactly politically correct. Women want men to take the lead. The dating options list is a great step in that direction. Another bonus is that you varying your dating routine so you don’t get stuck in a rut. Oh, and don’t tell her about the list.

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