The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Ready For Dating? 15 Yes/No Questions For Men

Men are big on practical and actionable advice that’s not based on touchy-feely platitudes. Serving up aphorisms, “Love will find you when you least expect it”, is utterly useless for a guy who is looking to fulfill his relationship goals through active measures. Platitudes are for women who only want to feel good about their decisions, even if bad ones. Men ain’t women.

With you men in mind, here is a checklist to determine if you’re actually ready to start dating again after the end of a long term relationship, marriage or otherwise. I have added my comments, italics, for each item in the list. Also, I have included links to resources, either from my own blog or outside of it. Finally, this checklist also includes items related to online dating because that is a valid, if time-consuming, approach to meeting women.

Most of these questions are quite basic. A few require a man to put in time and effort for his own masculine self-improvement (MSI). I hear way too many unhappy stories about dating. The vast majority of these stories can be avoided if the man is properly prepared.

If you answered “No” to any of the following questions, you’re not ready for dating.

1. Do you have a dating wardrobe and are willing to wear it?

If the answer is no, get yourself some decent and up-to-date clothes. You don’t have to dress like some fey hipster. The point here is to dress one level up from all the guys around you. This includes accessories like a watch or a belt that matches your shoes. Women notice these things. There are plenty of available resources, here’s just one.

2. Is your hair new, neat, and not an embarrassment?

If no, get your hirsute head to a proper barber. You’re not Donald Trump. A pony-tail is a cliché of Baby Boomer proportions that too many men think are edgy and risky. #facepalm.

3. Can you have a conversation that doesn’t involve droning on about only one subject such as your job, your family, or the one enthusiasm your pursue?

If no, you’re boring or worse, a blowhard. Women aside, being a well-rounded man is attractive and charismatic to everyone around you.

4. Do you have basic social skills so you can carry a reasonable conversation and recognize verbal and non-verbal signals?

If no, you need to work on your social skills. This means getting out of the house and having real life social interactions with your fellow human beings.

5. Do you have a solid online dating profile complete with up-to-date photos?

If no, your profile sucks. For the text portion, write at least two paragraphs. Make sure your photos are good and recent. For both the words and photos, avoid clichés as much as possible. There are lots of resources for creating a good online dating profile.

6. Do you have interests and enthusiasms outside of work and family?

This is also part of being a well-rounded man. You get bonus points if your interests and enthusiasms involving real life social interactions with other people. You get bonus dating points if you actively attend singles group events and activities.

7. Do you have a list of interesting and cost-effective first date options ready to go?

If no, you’re not prepared to take the lead in the dating process. Women expect and respect that a man has ideas for a first date. She’s already decided to go on the date with you, any further decisions regarding that date are your responsibility.

8. Are you emotionally ready?

This question is a bit nebulous and requires serious introspection, I know. If you don’t think you’re emotionally ready for meeting and dating the dames, then you need some more time as a single guy and maybe if some professional help. Just watch out of politically correct therapist who is pushing an ideological agenda.

If you answer “Yes” to any of the following questions, you’re not ready for dating.

1. Do you feel compelled to talk about an ex (any ex) on a first date?

If yes, you’re not over your ex and you need to move on, no matter what wrongs you have experienced. Never ever talk about an ex, whether damning or praising, on a first date. Ever.

2. Do you have a hard time getting out of the house except for work, desperately needed errands, or child visitation?

If yes, you’re likely suffering from social isolation, a common problem for post-divorce guys. Getting out of the house is a huge part of relieving social isolation and loneliness.

3. Do you think life owes your something such as a great job and a hot dame?

If yes, you have an entitlement problem. You don’t deserve anything handed to you, you can only work hard for it and hope for the best. Oh, with this attitude, you’re likely an ass, too.

4. Do you avoid dealing with your health?

If yes, mortality is stalking you without mercy. Unhealthy habits such as smoking or drinking too much will ultimately kill you. Fix these things for yourself. After a certain age, health issues accelerate dramatically but many can be staved off through exercise and diet. Being overweight is attractive to no one. Men over a certain age also have a pattern of avoiding the physician.

5. Have you ever been accused of having anger issues?

If yes, address your emotional self-control because too much anger is too much for too many people. Also, anger is exhausting. A touch of righteous anger is OK but showing it constantly does you no favors in the dating department.

6. Are you too sensitive emotionally?

If yes, save your tears for something truly important. The sensitive, new-age guy (SNAG) is a rather sad guy who has embraced way too much of his feminine side. Remember guys, the masculine attracts the feminine.

Guys, dating can be fun. You can the opportunity to meet new people, work on social skills, and maybe even fulfill your relationship goals. Keep me posted on your progress in the comments.

[If you liked this blog post, please click the Donate button at the top of the page or hit up my Patreon. Thanks, guys.]

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13 thoughts on “Ready For Dating? 15 Yes/No Questions For Men

  1. Now, how do I find women who I would actually be interested in dating? Meetup.com sure isn’t it, at least not here in Austin.

  2. Pingback: Ready For Dating? 15 Yes/No Questions For Men | Manosphere.com

  3. Question for you (or anyone else who wants to answer), PM…

    You said:
    7. Do you have a list of interesting and cost-effective first date options ready to go?

    If no, you’re not prepared to take the lead in the dating process. Women expect and respect that a man has ideas for a first date. She’s already decided to go on the date with you, any further decisions regarding that date are your responsibility.

    Does this mean that if she does the asking out, he should automatically suggest a different location? Or is going with her offer acceptable so long as he still has a list of ideas for followup dates?

    Just wondering, since I’d be likely to say something along the lines of “It’s been great talking to you. I’d like to meet in person for a lunch date. There’s an excellent Italian/German/whatever restaurant close to both our homes. I can get us a reservation for 3pm, if you’d like to join me.

    Of course, if the date goes well, it would be wonderful if he makes a recommendation for next time, and all bills would be split from the start.

  4. Travelove on said:

    “1. Do you feel compelled to talk about an ex (any ex) on a first date?

    If yes, you’re not over your ex and you need to move on, no matter what wrongs you have experienced. Never ever talk about an ex, whether damning or praising, on a first date. Ever.”

    Sorry but I can’t agree with this one. Ok maybe I agree with the compelled part, but talking about an ex can be a DHV if applied properly. In fact, I often go out of my way to casually mention I’ve had a 12 year relationship that ended about a year ago, with pretty good results. I started doing it when I wasn’t actually over it, but realized it was quite a good way to create comfort, and now that I am over it I still use that.

    It really depends on how you put it. Showing (by body language and casual remarks) that you have fondness for the time when things were good, but at the same time you’re at peace with the end of it, really paints you as a balanced person. Plus, you can do different angles to imply you’re not ready for a new serious relationship, or that you are ready and actively looking for one, depending on where you want to steer the interaction.

  5. Paul Moore on said:

    As a widower who was married forty three years, it would be nearly impossible to speak about my past experiences without at least mentioning the late wife. It would seem weird if I didn’t.
    I am travelling over a hundred miles this weekend to a strange town for a first date. I suggested dinner, but had to let her suggest the place.
    Your other advice certainly applies to my situation though.

  6. Browneye on said:

    Back to basics…
    I find it interesting that any man would have a ‘no’ answer to any of them. Married or single, dating or not, these are just basic living points of being a proper man. Why do they let themselves slide into the abyss in the first place? Maybe it’s why they’re single now. Don’t you find your own self interesting enough to take care of yourself?

  7. A thought I’ve had on MSI on a few other places:

    PUA used to work on its own because people were honest and forward. When everyone is honest, the faker is believable. But when everyone is faking, then people get on their guards. Thus, women are on our guards against standard Game practices, and aware that someone superficially awesome could be using PUA tactics. In becoming more mainstream, PUA is killing itself. When everyone is fake, the only way to seem awesome is to actually be awesome. Hence why the Manosphere developed towards what you’re calling MSI: when fakery doesn’t work, the next step is to become the real deal.

    • Indeed, PUA is certainly killing itself. I see PUA as a subset of the MSI, a beneficial subset for most guys. The challenge is for men to improve themselves on their own terms, not to supplicate to the socially expected form of the feminine imperative. However, knowing the unspoken and private form of the feminine imperative is something that all men should know and be able to deal with successfully.

  8. GeminiXcX on said:

    Do you have a passport?
    If “no”, why not?

    -GXcX

  9. From my perspective, working into casual conversation that you have had or that a LTR recently ended is completely acceptable. Specifically talking about your ex is not. If you find yourself saying “She never liked such & such” or “He would never do this with me”. Or even getting more specific & recounting incidences or telling stories…that’s a Big, Flashing Sign (to the other person) that you are not ready to date. So I Agree, no Ex talk on the first date.

    And excellent #3: Conversation. No Rants! Especially about touchy subjects (politics, religion, hot-button topics). Save that passion for the bedroom, don’t waste it on exploding over what you heard on “the news” that day. That’s where you enter Blowhard territory.

    I think PM is very on target with this list & it’s good advice. Also, many of these don’t just apply to men.
    Another good one PM. Thx!

  10. I think 3) is my biggest issue. I’m interested in finance, and to a lesser extent, politics, but I try to avoid these subjects if I’m talking to a potential romantic interest. Now my focus is on asking her questions that allow her to open up. It’s a hard habit to break, though.

    • It is an extraordinarily difficult habit to break, I truly empathize on this. But at least your self-awareness is high enough so that you know what to work on in regards to the subject(s) of your dating conversations. Far too many people don’t know that their conversational skills are weak to the point of turning off a potential romantic partner.

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