She Gets It
Once again, being in the village with my dog yielded some compelling social interactions with women. It was Superbowl Sunday and I was sitting on the bench between the restaurants, Lucy the dog at my side.
A trio of women in their late 50s/early 60s sauntered past and noticed my ugly dog. One of them, a brunette stylishly dressed, complimented my canine. I thanked her. We chatted briefly about Lucy and I mentioned that she’s good for getting phone numbers.
“I’m sure she gets you lots of phone numbers. Your beautiful brown eyes must help, too.”
Huh? What? Did she just hit me with a fine compliment? I smiled at her and said “thankyou!” enthusiastically. Seriously, a drive-by compliment like that was a welcome and wonderful surprise. I was completely disarmed, my charisma unsettled yet reinforced.
The trio of dames continued on their way and I was left feeling quite nice. I haven’t received a spontaneous and unsolicited compliment on my looks from a woman in, well, decades. The Private Man is not the zenith of male attractiveness but I do know that my eyes have yielded compliments but in a more physically intimate context. And perhaps she’s of an older generation not bred on suspicion and fear of men and complete selfishness in women.
Since then, I’ve been thinking of that brief social interaction and how it affected me. Now I know what happened. That woman was using girl game, her female Charisma. She had the self-assurance to compliment a totally random guy without fear or hesitation. She zipped out a flirtatious remark and it worked. Wow.
Here’s another interesting thing: I quite well remember her face, her hair, her outfit. I must have seen two hundred women that night and I have forgotten them all. Yet she I will remember instantly should I ever see her again. Should I do, I will certainly compliment her back for her nice remark. Such feminine behavior must always be encouraged, no matter what the age.
Ladies, there’s a lesson here for you.
The Private Man 
I’ve always noticed that older women tend to do this. It’s like they grew up during a time when men were appreciated and seduction was considered a valuable skill for a woman to have. It saddens me that women today reject this art and would rather sit around and get fat waiting for a man to shower them with undeserved compliments.
Great story. @ Invictus: I guess older women tend to be less guarded and more direct in their dealings with men. Maybe it’s an instinctive ‘life is short, what the fuck, don’t have anything to lose’ attitude, maybe they know that they can no longer expect the guys to hit on them and they’ll do it just to make up for it, who knows? Perhaps they act contrary to their chance of getting attention, and the younger the man, the more direct they seem to be with compliments, etc.
I had something like this happen to me a while back. I blogged about it:
http://easilyenthused.blogspot.com/2011/08/blue-shirt-confession.html
I dont think Ive ever received a compliment like that from a girl unless I was in an LTR with her. It got to the point where I was so starved for attention of that sort that if a marginally cute girl smiled at me I was beaming for hours.
Most women dont complement like this because they are afraid that a man will use it as a signal to hit on him.
Men can lead lonely lives devoid of attention from the opposite sex.
The average “good” guy is indeed starved for female attention. Such men simply don’t exist in a woman’s mind. Complicating the social interaction is the thin miasma of misandry that leads to women fearing men or simply having a general disrespect for men.
Or the idea that “only a man other women want is worth complimenting” or “a guy I’m with that is not attractive to other women, doesn’t deserve compliments or decent treatment from me, because that makes him more attractive to other women and he will leave me”.
Never underestimate the power of preselection. Women don’t.
“Most women dont complement like this because they are afraid that a man will use it as a signal to hit on him.”
You got it. Older women (not of the cougar variety) are going to feel more comfortable giving compliments because they know HE knows it’s just sharing a pleasant little moment; no agenda, no sexual intent. It’s safe; no one will get offended; there will be no misunderstandings or awkwardness.
Blame our sexually obsessed culture that seems to be stuck in permanent adolescence. “Hitting on – hooking up – banging” – how unappealing!
Heh.
The first words out of Mrs. Ironwood’s mouth the night we met (she was 19 and drinking illegally in a bar) were “You have the most beautiful eyes.” In my experience, if a woman says you have beautiful eyes, she’s already made up her mind 98% that she would like to sleep with you. YMMV.
I’ve always gotten compliments on my eyes. So did my father. So do my sons. It’s now a running joke. When a woman compliments our eyes, I’ve taught my sons to respond with “Thank you. They’re actually the family curse.”
That invariably brings the question, “Cursed? What do you mean?”
“They only attract crazy women.” Soft neg. From a 12 year old. BAM.
My mother-in-law finds this precocious and annoying. My wife finds it adorable.
Of course, she’s crazy.
I get from the gf’s: “you have nice eyes, but they are recessed” :O
“But I bet they’ll look better when they’re staring at you over the top of your pubic bone.”
Nice one Ian! Pre-qualify her, then she has to prove she’s not crazy!
Well, men who don’t ask “not to be jerked around” get jerked around, this makes it clear bad behaviour won’t be tolerated. And stops time being wasted with someone not willing to work with you.
I tend to get more of the following: intense, steely, penetrating, and deep. “Beautiful” is rarely used.
One Romanian hottie I hooked up with last year told me that she dreamed about my eyes the one night. Hmmm . . . .
Also, I like the use the following: “My eyes are brown, so I know I’m full of shit.” Said with a hint of snarkiness and self-deprecation, along with smirk.
I like this post. I think you made an interesting point – she had the self-assurance to offer a compliment. Among young women, it’s usually sexually aggressive women seeking a ONS who do this – which makes other women even more inhibited out of fear of being misunderstood.
Sadly, the art of gentle flirting has mostly been lost.
But there are a few who still know how to do it correctly, right doll (wink, wink)?
Sadly, yes. Not so in other parts of the world, fortunately.
Being misunderstood is the biggest reason. Falling out of practice is another. If a woman was previously married, she’s not going to automaticly flirt with men. It takes a conscious effort to stop it (male jealousy is not pleasant) and a conscious effort to start up again. Throw in the fact that many hours are spent in the work place and you end up with women who have lost the art. Women will also look for cues. In this case, the flirting was welcome. In the case of the woman who lives near PM but has a lot of baggage , the flirting is met without response, and will probably trail off.
That woman had a lot of class, poise and charm. Her flirtatious remark contained just the right balance of repartee, appropriately direct in the premises, and an oblique but unmistakable reference to your attractiveness which is muted again in the nature of an empirical remark:”must help too.” This can only be done by a woman of surpassing style, innate elegance.
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If they were thirty years younger, this story might be interesting.
I see this sort of behavior a lot, but only from women who are some combination of old/overweight/unattractive, none of whom are of any interest to me.
I don’t think that it is a matter of style or knowing how to flirt, I think it is a matter of options. The “dames” are often starving for male attention and will do whatever they have to get some from anyone they think will notice them. The young/slender/cute ones are actively avoiding eye contact; they get more than enough as it is.
Cynical? Moi? Never!