The Parable of Mark and Lauren (by laidnyc)

I’m a huge fan of cleverly written blog posts. With the author’s permission, I’m reposting an extraordinarily clever post from LaidNYC (link below). A smart reader will quickly figure out angle of this post and the lesson it imparts on young women. Honestly, there are times when I’m grateful to be middle age and don’t have to deal directly with the 20-something dating scene.

Lauren is happy.  Last night, her boyfriend Mark finally told her he loved her.  She had been wanting that ever since they started seeing each other four months ago.  She had been having sex with him, and it had been pleasurable for sure, but she was doing so hoping it would turn into something more: love.

Mark had been aloof and slow to give away his emotions.  Lauren didn’t mind this, she even preferred it.  It meant that she had to work for his love, and by the time he said it, she felt she had earned it and that it really meant something to him.

Lauren set up an excited brunch with her friends Stina, Terri and Lisa.  They hadn’t seen each other in four months, in fact none of them knew she was dating Mark.  Right away, she starts telling them the good news.

“Wow” said Stina, “I didn’t even know you were dating a new guy! That’s great.”

“Yeah”, said Terri, “what is the guy’s name?”

“Mark Smith”, said Lauren.  A hush immediately fell over her support group as they began to give each other awkward looks.

“Uhhhh, Lauren”, said Lisa, “Mark Smith has loved a lot of girls.”

“Yeah”, said Stina, “He told Jackie Valenti he loved her.”

“Okay” said Lauren, “But she probably fucked his brains out, right?  Like, he was definitely getting sex from her?”

Stina cringes.  ”No” she says, “They never even kissed.  He went over to her place drunk one night and professed his love for her.  She never even let him in her bedroom.”

“Alright but that’s only one girl.  That’s okay.” Said Lauren, getting nervous.

“Well there’s also Andrea Tedesco.  He told her he loved her after two casual dates.” said Terri, “She was bragging that she kept him around for a while, getting ‘good morning beautiful’ texts from him and other indications of love whenever she needed it, and she only stopped accepting his love when he started to want sex.  He still writes on her facebook wall.”

Lauren felt a deep pit in her stomach.

Lisa continues: “Mark told Angelica Messina he loved her the first night he met her.  She said he was REALLY into it, looking her right in the eyes when he said it, getting down on his knees in front of her just to kiss her hand, and he even recited poetry for her.  She gave him one of those awkward one arm hugs and that was it.”

He never did that freaky stuff with me, thought Lauren.  If he does that stuff, then why did I just get a plain old “I love you”?

Plus Angelica is the biggest cocktease in the city, thought Lauren.  How could Mark fall for her bullshit? What an idiot.  Now she thought Mark was stupid as well as loose with his love.

Stina says, apologetically, “I don’t want to tell you this, but I heard Mark met a girl in a club and dragged her into the bathroom to tell her she was beautiful, then he gave her twenty dollars.  She never even touched him.”

“Okay, please stop” said Lauren.  She was growing sicker by the second, her world crushed.

Later, she confronts Mark with her new knowledge.  Did he really love all those girls without getting sex from them?  She demands to know.

“Well yeah but I didn’t really WANT sex from them”, Mark lies, possibly even to himself, “I wanted to give them love, that’s all.  I wasn’t ready for sex at that point in my life.”

“Uggggghhhhh” says Lauren, “Don’t you know that guys who give girls love and attention without getting sex are LOSERS??? The girls getting the love and attention don’t actually respect them, they are just using them!”

“No way, guys can want love without sex, too”, claims Mark.

“Well I heard you told Shirley Thompson from my building you loved her and I have to look at her every day.  Plus she’s really pretty, there’s no way she was going to fuck you! Why did you love her?” says Lauren.

“Is that what this is about”, Mark says, “You are just insecure because I have more experience with love than you.  You think you can’t measure up to all the beautiful girls I’ve loved in the past.”

“Just how many girls did you tell you loved?” asks Lauren

“I don’t know, about 30″ says Mark

This hits Lauren like a brick in the stomach. “30! That is insane, you are a loser!”

“Can’t you see that my past doesn’t matter, and you are giving me sex now and that’s all that matters?” says Mark, “I love the sex we have and that’s something I didn’t get from the other girls.”

Mark can’t see why this only makes Lauren madder.  Why should she be the one who has to pay by putting her valuable eggs at risk by taking his sperm in order to get the love and attention that the other girls got so easily.

“Well if you give away love so easily, why did you make me wait?” says Lauren, “Was I not as good as the other girls?”

“Well I saw the chance for sex with you and I didn’t want to mess that up by giving away love too soon”, says Mark.

Lauren dumped Mark.

She had to.

Someone so loose with their emotions is not a good person to give sex to.

What if they have a son who turns out to be easily manipulated by a pretty face, like Mark?

What if a pretty girl in need bats her eyelashes at him and he gives her money that their family needs?

What if she just wants a man’s love all to herself and that can’t happen with Mark?

Even beyond that, on a very visceral, base level that she couldn’t explain, she found Mark repulsive.  It was as if she had been wired biologically to feel disgust and lack of attraction for guys who allow themselves to get friendzoned.  There was no way she could fuck him again.

Yup, it was as clear as day, thought Lauren.  Guys who give away love easily are definitely not worthy of sex.

LaidNYC’s original post

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  1. #1 by Vicomte on June 17, 2013 - 11:53 AM

    That was really well done.

    It’s almost a manosphere comedy sketch.

    ‘How many girls have you told you loved!?’

    ‘I don’t know, Like thirty.’

    ‘Thirty!?’

    ‘We never had sex. I don’t see what the big deal is…’

    ‘Did you tell Shelly you loved her? She’s gross!’

    ‘I told her I liked her once…’

    ‘What!? Are you serious!?’

    ‘I was really drunk, and lonely, and it was only ONE TIME, and…’

  2. #2 by Alogon on June 17, 2013 - 8:05 PM

    Whatever! Lauren is just insecure and not able to handle a strong, empowered man like Mark. He is a hero for being able to discover himself through the journey of professing love to anyone in a skirt. How else could he know what he likes, who he is, or what he doesn’t want if he didn’t tell every girl he met he loved her? It is so misandrist and oppressive of Lauren to dump him, too bad he can’t get alimony because I could see this taking him decades to recover from.
    Her matriarchal oppression is worse than sexual assault and is likely caused by an excess amount of estrogen. This makes her want to verbally and physically assault helpless, sensitive, vulnerable men just professing their emotions because all women are potential harridans. Did you know only 2% of reports about a bitchy wife are false? And that’s 2% of the 2% that actually get reported! Think about it.
    The only way to prevent more monsters like Lauren is to radicalize the college campus’ and have screaming sit-ins until someone appeases us with government money and some kind of coloured ribbons for our cause. Men like Mark have had to hide their internal emotions for too long under the yoke of evil feminine gynocracy and its inherent gender expectations.
    Men like Mark are 78.345% more likely to be abused by their partners than red-headed stepchildren and 4563% more likely to be denied basic socio-sexual relations…suffering silently, nobly in a dark pit of despair…silent and unheard.
    We need to free these types of men from the reproach of the disapproving and crippling female gaze. We need to empower them to take political office so they can tell all the other countries in the world that, hey, we love you too, man. Women have manipulated macho men for too long and that hasn’t worked out. So we need more nancy mama’s boys in political office…but don’t call them that, that’s shaming language, pal.
    Lauren is so steeped in her privilege she couldn’t see it if she wanted to, which we all know she doesn’t since that gender is evil, irresponsible and won’t grow up. If only Mark were black, gay, transgendered and in a wheelchair we could have totally nailed that broad. PC Team, away!

    Tongue-so-firmly-in cheek

    • #3 by theprivateman on June 17, 2013 - 8:47 PM

      This is winsauce and continues the tradition of awesome Manosphere satire. I like the cut of your jib, sir.

    • #4 by Hamster Tamster on June 17, 2013 - 11:41 PM

      Surely Alogon will be awarded “Script-Flip of the Quarter” by The Manosphere Council, and thus be automatically eligible for the annual prize. :cool:

    • #5 by WillieMaize24 on June 29, 2013 - 2:20 AM

      Alogon wins the thread.

  3. #6 by Me on June 17, 2013 - 11:12 PM

    but the problem is this. Lauren dumps mark and meets Dave. Dave NEVER gives emotion up, he sees how dangerous it is and realizes the value of saving it for the special someone on his wedding night. So Lauren marries Dave BUT Lauren in reality doesnt want to be married to an “emotional slut” in the bedroom. She wasnt getting married hoping for an out pouring of daily “I love you’s” from Dave. so what gives?

  4. #7 by Apollo on June 18, 2013 - 3:50 AM

    Look, after loving so many other women, Mark is now much wiser, has more life experience and is consequently more certain of what he wants in a relationship. He has experimented with his emotions, as many men do when they are younger, and he should NOT be shamed or punished for that. The other women dont matter, all that matters is that hes with HER now. And besides, what woman wants a man who is inexperienced with loving women? Besides, its a little bit creepy that women are so obsessed with “love virgins”. Grooooooooooosssss!

  5. #8 by dannyfrom504 on June 18, 2013 - 7:18 AM

    big fan of LaidNYC. definitely gonna keep my eye on his site.

  6. #9 by Socialkenny on June 18, 2013 - 7:38 AM

    For a new blogger, Laid NYC is a promising blog. My only qualm is thy he isn’t interactive with his commenters. No way to run a blog by ignoring people who invest time into commenting and inquiring.

    • #10 by laidnyc on June 19, 2013 - 4:51 PM

      I’m planning to make more of an effort on this front in the future.

  7. #11 by LostSailor on June 18, 2013 - 11:37 AM

    No, Lauren was right to dump Mark.

    If he’s loved 30 women (and we all know men like Mark lie about how many girls they’ve become emotionally attached to), then it doesn’t bode well for their future together, especially if they get married. Sure, he says he’s ready for sex now, and Lauren in the one partner for him, and while his love for her may be strong now, emotions like this fade over time in a marriage. Years from now, she may still be servicing him well sexually, maybe offering unsolicited kink and anal as he becomes more distant, but we all know that memories of the intense emotional connections of his youth, no matter how fleeting, will be surfacing and drawing him away from his love for Lauren. No amount of depraved sex she desperately throws at him is going to turn his mind from the women he has deeply, deeply loved in the past. In fact, the more hot sex Lauren provides, the colder his love for her will grow, until he can’t stand even the sight of her and he walks out on the marriage after draining their bank accounts, leaving her blindsided and devastated.

    Lauren was right to do it now and save herself that greater pain later…

  8. #12 by earl on June 19, 2013 - 5:31 PM

    The first time I ever loved a girl…I bled a little.

  9. #13 by Socialkenny the bachelor on June 21, 2013 - 10:38 AM

    @LaidNYC-

    Ok cool. Try to make an effort.

  10. #14 by Mark Flowers on June 22, 2013 - 7:57 AM

    1. Mark Flowers is a true dedicated Christian but a non denominational and non church going Christian, a praying man upon his knees and he gives all credit to his survival to a personal relationship with Jesus Christ as his savoir and protector of him and his loved ones. Mark has to continually break all curses in Jesus Christ’s name, sent by witch craft and the Satanic agenda.

    2. Mark Flowers is a fighter, a man that will never bow to any evil corruption, to DEATH.

    3. Mark Flowers has had the fatherhood of his children stolen by the masons / system / The Australian Government.

    4. Mark Flowers is a survivor of more than a decade of intense murderous Freemasonry Gang Stalking {a term he coined} and raised in the Federal Magistrates Court Parramatter Sydney Australia in 2009 & 2010 whilst defending his rights to father his children.

    5. Mark Flowers has had so many attempts on his life in the process of Freemasonry gangstalking that they are too numerous to list, most have been whilst driving in road traffic accident setups by gangstalkers . But all manner of threats have come against Mark Flowers, One time a sour mason wielding a hammer at Mark’s head got a lesson in respect and kicked off Mark’s property. The police always fail to follow such death threats against Mark Flowers.

    6. Mark Flowers has self-represented in some 60 appearances in the Federal Magistrates Court, the District Court and the Supreme Court in Australia and all with nil formal education, in fact Mark left school at 14 years and first job was in a lumber yard.

    7. Mark Flowers is a Father first, and a former children’s safety film producer, but the dogs of gangstalking were released on him for doing so. Mark has been fighting ever since and will never give in, as the eternity in spirit and fear of God through Christ Jesus motivates him to be fearless against evil.

    If I fall in this good fight it will be into the arms of my saviour Jesus Christ.

    Brother Mark

    http://www.markflowers.org/

    • #15 by LostSailor on June 23, 2013 - 5:23 PM

      8. Mark Flowers is spamming the manosphere with the exact same post that contributes nothing.

      9. Mark Flowers is a crack-pot.

  11. #16 by Elle on July 7, 2013 - 11:30 PM

    Wow, This almost hurt my brain… haha. It’s so odd to see the way men can sometimes view women… I haven’t met many guys who show their emotion. In fact I loved a guy who did show it, but later fell out of love with me- no explanations. I was (and am) really supportive, loving, encouraging, caring, etc and have lots of good qualities and he used to appreciate them but now has thrown it away like it means nothing… I’m devastated and confused and really hurt, so for all the guys on this site who think many women are like Lauren, are really just meeting odd-ball/ strange women b/c most of the stories I hear are women getting burned my emotionally unavailable men… Can anyone out there show real statistics on this, it would be interesting to read a study on this, but I could almost bet that tons more men are unavailable, because stereotypes don’t drop out the the clear blue sky, they come from some truth…. right?

    • #17 by poester99 on July 12, 2013 - 11:47 PM

      The endless rejection that most men go through could be part of it. At a certain point a line gets crossed and it becomes nearly impossible to trust, or give your all. I’m sure it goes both ways, but having to always make the first approach probably makes it more common for guys.

    • #18 by Schoolboy on July 14, 2013 - 8:10 AM

      Stereotypes don’t come from truth, they come from perceived truth. This perceived truth’s congruency with reality varies. Due to the extremely subjective nature of women, their perceptions are near the full-delusional end of the spectrum. Growing up, I’d often hear women wish that, “Men were more emotional.” What they meant was, “I wish the man I was attracted to was more emotional.” Women fall in love with emotional unavailable men and then lament their lack of expression. This has led to the present situation. Men try to solve the problem of female attraction by listening to what women want and emulating it. Women commonly reject emotional men, date unemotional men, and then lament that their boyfriend isn’t more like the emotional man that they’re complaining to. A women could shoot down a dozen emotional men a day and wonder about why men are so unemotional because the one man that she’s attracted to is emotionally unavailable. Women suck at communicating.

    • #19 by LostSailor on July 15, 2013 - 11:49 AM

      You do realize that the post was satire, right…?

  1. The Parable of Mark and Lauren
  2. Lightning Round – 2013/06/19 | Free Northerner

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