Meet Space, It’s Trending
Humans are social creatures and so have a strong need to physically interact with other human beings. Even introverts need to be around other human beings every once and awhile. An older online term “meat space” was coined to describe real life out in the physical world. “IRL” (In Real Life) is the newer term. Regardless of the nomenclature, the difference between online life and IRL life is very, very different. This very applies to the changes going on in online dating.
Online dating has likely reached a plateau and crossed a threshold. Singles are no longer getting the results they want and are finding increasing disappointment from response rates (and the messages received) and from the people they actually meet via online dating. Response rates are so bad for many guys that a few are turning to automated computer scripts and macros that blanket Plenty of Fish accounts with “Meet Me” requests. Such automation makes that PoF feature pretty much useless.
As well, a simple profile and any online interactions don’t really match up with meat space chemistry. Here’s a little something with a good quote: “The scientists also note that online profile photos are poor proxies for the chemistry sparked by meeting in the flesh. Which leads to a lot of disappointing coffee dates. And many potentially successful matches never happen.” This, in spades.
Given our social nature, the marketplace is stepping up to fill a growing need for real life meet space. PoF has had live events for awhile and now that online dating website is getting into the speed dating market. It only makes sense for PoF because it’s got a bad reputation as the “Plenty of Freaks” online dating website. Match.com has also spun off live events.
Howaboutwe.com started with the premise of meeting in real life before the craziness and disappointment of online dating messaging really starts. Even Tinder can be considered a meet space enhanced online application because of the geographical element to it. I’ll be doing more research regarding Tinder.
Looking at the Pick Up Artist community, there are all sorts lessons about “day game” where a man actually ventures out during the day to meet women away from the sometimes awful night club scene. A fellow in the UK, Krauser, is just one example of a PUA who is doing the Day Game thing and teaching other guys about it. Of course, Roosh has a whole book on the subject.
For a social context to meet the opposite sex, Meetup.com singles events are exactly what is necessary. Such Meet Up groups are growing – at least in my neck of the woods, South Florida. The two groups I joined three years ago have since increased in membership over ten fold. My email inbox receives invitations for events almost daily. Speed dating is also a fine approach for meet space dating options. Such events are far more choreographed, so be warned. For guys over a certain age (after 40 or so), speed dating events often have too many women signed up. Bonus!
Online dating will always have its place. Indeed, it continues to grow. It can be convenient and successful. But online dating should never be considered as a replacement to actually meeting the opposite sex in a public setting for the purposes of getting a future date. This is why I recommend – to men, especially – that only 25% of overall “get a date” activities be focused on online dating. I also still recommend that the services of a professional online dating coach be strongly considered. Bobbie, Evan, and Moxie are three to check out. The ability to simply start a social interaction is part of our human nature and we’ve lost too much of that by using too much technology as a proxy.
TL;DR – We’re social creatures. Scale back your online dating endeavors. Go be social with IRL singles groups.
The Private Man 
Not sure why you’re pushing Moxie. She’s gone off the deep end and I’ve stopped reading her blog.
Yeah… I need to think on that. She’s quoting Germaine Greer in her tweets.
Christ, you nailed it; I used to have a decent response rate on OKCupid, one reply for every ten messages, but over the past three months I’ve received precisely one reply, and that from a girl who deleted her profile two days later.
Online scripts, or something, has completely changed the market. The site’s essentially become useless. It’s unfortunate, since it was a fairly easy way to meet women.
Ah, well; I picked up the waitress at a coffee shop the other day, so it’s not like I’m out of options.
You nailed (earlier posts) the point about social isolation too. If you’re male, single and tend toward the introverted your world can close in on you in middle age if you let it. Online dating doesn’t work anymore and online socializing is an oxymoron. Meetup is a great alternative even if you don’t do the explicitly singles-oriented events.
OK PM – Continue to help us “older guys” out – especially those of use that were married – it’s like Tom Hanks coming back to Memphis after spending years on a isolated island. I’ve looked at the Meetup stuff, but it appears there is limited activity. One of the “singles” groups has over 1K members, but there are less than 20 or 30 that actually go to their meet ups. But I have to admit, I’ve not done field research – for all I know, they have lots of people show up that aren’t registered via the website.
If you are looking for events, try events that are social but not necessarily dating oriented.
I like meetup dot com. I can find events with groups that I have an interest with, that in turn, gets me out, and that gives me opportunities to practice game on women that aren’t showing up to an event knowing at some level that they are likely to encounter game. And there are times where I do events that are predominately male (like the motorcycle group I ride with).
Oddly, I did really well at a coed bowling league a few years back as well. A fresh team to bowl against every time, and usually different women to chat up. It’s all practice anyway.
Well, it’s time to start exploring options – and I’m probably more typical than I think – I’m 51, was married 17 years, separated for 2 years and change, divorce final by end of year or January of next year (depends on the tax consequences for me – she hasn’t worked since before we got married). The biggest thing is meeting women – any age. And I know most of it my frame, not theirs, online or off. But the other thing is that I need to reestablish relationships with Men again – through the years of marriage, I allowed my male friends to just drift away – so that’s two things – more relationships and social across the board.
PM any tips? for either…and thanks for your blog, hope your doing well and getting past it all.
You need to develop an enthusiasm where you can socialize with other guys. That will put you in a better social frame. I can’t recommend anything specific but it should be some active where you have something in common with other guys. Have you thought about shooting?
Ditto Tin Man.
Just sharing so you know its not just you!
Sweet baby Jesus, I fall off the face of the earth (or go start my own version of the paper chase) and return to an awesome array of Dragon Con goodness… and news of chemo treatments. Ah well…
Actually, chemotherapy is not involved. It will be a one-time radiation therapy.
Your advice hasn’t let me down yet, so I signed up for meetup.com. Now to learn about speeddating. What is the best speeddating site?
Hope you are enduring my brother…
Try this one: http://www.pre-dating.com/
I think they have an operation going on in your neck of the woods.
Yes, enduring. Thanks.
Man but online dating was so much easier. Yea it would be easier to meet a woman in my favorite hangout spot, so next time I am with the fellas I will see who is watching me. My ex told me one time that I didn’t pick her up she picked me.
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