The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Deconstructing A Woman’s Online Dating Profile

Even though I don’t recommend that post-divorce guys spend all their dating efforts thrown toward online dating, it is still a valid tactic to utilize. To that end, I still review female profiles to note trends, bad and good profiles, and specific profiles that can be educational for post-divorce single men. Here’s one that I found very recently on one of the online dating websites where I have my own profile (I’m not linking directly to it):

I live on the ocean and love everything pertaining to the water. The beach, deep sea fishing, snorkeling, jet skiing, speed boats, yachting and taking walks on the beach. My other interests include NBA/NFL games, Indy 500, the horse races, polo matches, concerts, yoga, working out, festivals, art showings, Broadway, wine tastings, traveling, weekend get aways, going to the movies, cooking, trying new restaurants of all ethnicities and cultures, taking a ride down the beach on the back of a Harley, reading, fashion, interior design, thunderstorms, fresh flowers and kissing. All my photos are current within the last 6 months to present.

Note what I have put in bold face in her profile. Such enthusiasms are hardly inexpensive. These are things she has experienced in the past and fully expects them in the future. Woe be unto the man who does not provide such things. He will not have dates or a relationship with this woman. For the vibrant, charismatic man who can deliver up some yachts or polo, there is a surfeit of younger women who would happily occupy space on deck (or dick). Often, there will be a group of such women if the yacht is big enough or the polo match is prestigious enough. This is South Florida, after all. Here’s a somewhat related blog post of mine that addresses some of this.

Most of this woman’s 13 photos show a very attractive, slender, blonde woman with a very nice smile. It’s important to know that such photos are nothing more than labeling on a package. Without actually meeting her, there’s nothing in her profile to indicate what she’s like as a person, only that she’s very attractive physically and likes expensive things. Of course she will get a metric shit-ton of incoming messages from thirsty guys who can see nothing beyond her looks.

As is typical, she mentions almost nothing as to what she offers a man other than her looks. Of course, she describes what she wants in a man. I want chemistry, passion, loyalty/honesty. A vibrant, intelligent, loving man. There’s even a further challenge for her. She’s 5’10” tall and hypergamy demands she dates a taller man, even more limiting her dating pool. This is all well and good. All women have preferences, even demands. But until they specifically state what they offer a man (something that he actually wants!), it’s still a solipsistic state of affairs and self-limiting for her.

This woman did look at my profile, this is how I found her. But as I won’t be providing such those activities she enjoys, I won’t be sending her a message. To her credit, her preferences aren’t the usual 463 bullet point checklist (HT Heartiste) as is typical for most women regardless of age. The key take away for men is that women expect their lives to continue on the same financial and material trajectory they established when they were younger. In fact, they expect that trajectory to be upward and fully expect the man to provide that.

Guys, consider yourselves advised.

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41 thoughts on “Deconstructing A Woman’s Online Dating Profile

  1. just some guy on said:

    Chris Rock does a funny bit about how women won’t go backwards from a material standpoint and men won’t go backwards sexually, e.g. once she gets a taste for expensive things she’ll expect them, and once he gets a taste of freaky stuff he’ll expect it.

  2. Women think that all they have to do is have a vaj and show up. lolz

    Positives: Sweetness. Loyalty (one dick rule). Femininity. A sweet voice. A warm smile.

    Negatives: High maintenance. Baggage: High debt, kids, crazy exes, health issues, pending lawsuits.

    If a broad has negatives, she had better compensate for them.

    • And most men are too terrified to communicate that they want sweetness, loyalty, and femininity in a woman. Is it any wonder why so many singles are so frustrated at the dating process?

      • I’ve never been shy about saying what I want. Or calling a woman out when she crosses my boundaries. Women whine about it as they chase me.

      • feeriker on said:

        And most men are too terrified to communicate that they want sweetness, loyalty, and femininity in a woman.

        I don’t think they’re terrified. They just figure that they might as well literally be asking for a unicorn. “Less” slutty, “less” bitchy, “less” feminist ballbuster, and “less” hypergamous is the best most of them think that they can aspire to. They’re probably right.

  3. I think for many guys like me, Post 50 with limited resources after the end of a marriage, the return on investment with a lot of women isn’t good. I can’t provide any yacht, or Polo ponys or flights to Paris. A lot of them now will Google you to check out your lifestyle before anything happens. I had one who appeared very interested, that is she was until she drove by my modest home ( Paid for) in her leased Mercedes and went ghost the next day…

    The money I do have I’d rather spend on things I want to do and can afford on my budget. If I happen to meet an attractive woman engaged in those same interests I’ll take it from there….In the mean time I’m off to a dinner with my band of brothers, then off to shoot some pool…

  4. Stay away from women who prefer motorcycles that were built by a t-shirt company. It’s not worth it.

  5. Pedat Ebediyah on said:

    Excellent! (This and the previous)

    Can someone tell me what they mean when they are looking for a “travel partner”?

    If I were to GUESS, I’m inclined to believe that she’s a shady broad who would prefer to do her dirt away from her home turf where finding an out of the way spot might be problematic.

    • Some want a boyfriend who can afford expensive trips. Some want a person who enjoys travelling as much as they do. And some are past a certain age, when travelling with girlfriends either doesn;t appeal, or is difficult if girl friends are married or in relationships. A few guy friends of mine used to get enlisted as travellers with benefits. The women were usually 10 years older and would pay for the trips. They felt safer travelling with a man, didn’t want to eat in restraunts alone or sleep alone.

      • “Men do it too” Reframe. Typical feminine illogic. 1% of men ride on a woman’s dime, so it’s as big a problem as 25% of women who ride on a man’s dime.

      • Not a reframe. I presented three answers to the question.

      • Is it a problem? I mean, I only had the guys’ side of the story, but they were pretty sure a good time was had by all, lol, I’m pretty certain the men who enjoy the company of pretty women on their boats or trips aren’t complaining either.

      • Of course you reframed away from one of Ped’s accusations of sluttiness. Saying that you didn’t didn’t make it so. And you reframed your reframe by saying that you answered the question with three options of your own. Piling reframe on reframe.

        Are you gonna try to reframe this comment next? heh

      • Seriously? Giving opinions is not reframing. And to be honest, no, I don’t think that the women of today are trembling in fear that someone might find out that they aren’t virgins. Even nice little church girls. It’s all pretty much happening at home, lol, Doesn’t mean that it isn’t happening on vacation, butI don’t think that HIDING sex is a motivating factor for women going on vacation.

  6. cptnemo2013 on said:

    Reblogged this on MGTOW 2.0.

  7. I find its also probably worth mentioning that when a woman says that she loves a myriad of things, it means she likes one thing a little bit, has tried a few of the others, and has seen YouTube videos about the rest.

    If her life were really so exciting and engaging as she makes it out to be, she wouldn’t be trolling online for a guy. She’d have met one through a social circle, or would be too busy to care.

  8. feeriker on said:

    Can someone tell me what they mean when they are looking for a “travel partner”?

    Usually she’s looking for a mark who will pay for her exotic trips abroad while being content to be blue-balled in his own hotel room while she samples a smorgasbord of exotic foreign dick.

    • Richard Cranium on said:

      Basically yes. “Love to travel” is an incomplete phrase. “Love to travel on someone else’s dime” is the rest of the story.

      It’s a measure of her SMV similar to the size of the the ring that she shows off to the girls at the office. The more far away and exotic the locale, the higher her “value.”

      It’s like an auction and the bidding starts with your credit limit. A weekend in the Keys? Nice. A weekend in Vegas? Better. Dinner in Paris? Sold to the biggest sucker I mean highest bidder.

  9. Browneye on said:

    Egads, what a bunch of bitter old saps.
    There’s nothing wrong with a pretty lady that likes to do stuff. If you’re poor and unattractive she’s not going to be interested in you. So what. That’s why people post what they like. Doesn’t mean that’s what they do all the time, could simply mean they would have interest.
    I’ve done all those things and have always had a woman by my side to do them. The yachts, the travel, the fun events. BFD.
    I find a lot of fat lazy old guys are bitter and realistically don’t have a chance with this type. Doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with her. Some guys like a pretty girl that likes to do stuff.
    Sorry, I gotta dissent on this one.

    • Richard Cranium on said:

      The problem is these women have a long bullet-pointed laundry list of their demands for anyone to contact them (or don’t “waist” their time) but not one word about what they actually have to offer the men outside of her presence.

      But let a man dare hint of some sort of preference in what they’re attracted to such as height/weight proportions, hair length and color, no kids, pleasant disposition etc. and he is absolutely excoriated as a misogynist, sexist and any other -ist you can name.

      • Just curious; who is excoriating you for listing your preferences? Someone on a blog somewhere — who you will never meet! Nothing wrong with listing what you like FFS!

        But it’s kind of funny. The woman who did the very same thing, i.e., she listed (many) things she LIKED, gets an online character assassination.

      • Wouldn’t matter if she listed what she brings to the table or travelled on her own dime. Her love of travelling would brand her as a slut in the sphere. By guys who admire sex tourists. I love travelling, so, it’s something that I would bring up in dating. It would be great to find a cheerful companion to share adventures and life with. If someone assumes negative meanings to that, we wouldn’t have been compatible anyway, To each their own.

      • You broads are still dodging the questions I raised. Shame and reframe, 2nd edition.

      • No shame and reframe. The points about her stating her likes and preferences with out stating what she brings beyond beauty have been discussed. What she likes is expensive, and that has been discussed. So is the type of man that she’s probably fishing for. She’s a red flag for men who aren’t in that financial bracket. I pointed out that the sphere would see her as a red flag for travelling. People are going to filter, and it’s a good idea to to be upfront about likes .

      • JV, you’re so full of it. Of course it would matter if a woman indicated that she wanted to pay her own way. I know of at least one woman who does that.

        And saying that the sphere would always brand traveling as a slutting it up is shaming. That’s not a given. Some would, some wouldn’t.

      • ASD Gamer, stating what has been written many times in the sphere is not shaming. Not unless you think that that what they’ve written is shameful.

      • Already destroyed your reply. Try again.

      • OK namalt.
        If the generalization doesn’t apply to you or others, disregard it. What you’re picking up on is my dislike of being lumped into a generalization as well. The thing is, there are quite a few in the sphere who would generalize women who travel. I don’t have to like or agree with the generalization, but, it’s there. And in dating, I think that it should be brought up in case that’s an issue. I’d rather be filtered out than be with someone who thinks that of me.

        Anyhow, I’ve got waaaaay too many comments on this post. I’m calling it a day.

      • No, JV, silly girl, you’re still confusing the issue. The issue isn’t “not all men (or manospherians are like that”, but that we have no idea what the breakdown is. So, your assertion of a general trend in the manosphere is a Swingin’ WAG.

        You fit the “reframe and shame” generalization. Deal with it. Your attempt to generalize manospherians failed. Deal with it.

        Pedat and feeriker made derailing references to sluttiness. I abandoned that issue once I realized it.

        You have yet to address the post topic substantially. The point of the post is that women like this are looking to exchange sex for expensive experiences, isn’t it? Prostitution by barter (PBB)? Maybe transitioning into an LTR?

        You mentioned “cooking” as a defense against PBB (your defense being that she was looking for a relationship). I’ll give you that. You get a 5.0 on the Stretch-o-Meter for “interior design” and “flowers”. I expect that those inexpensive “interests” are there to prevent her from looking like a blatant golddigger.

        This woman, by mentioning cooking, signals that she might be interested in a relationship. However, this women doesn’t give any indication that she knows or cares what men want in a relationship (besides cooking).

        Is cooking really the only non-sex benefit that a woman expects to provide in a relationship? If so, then she is delusional. Why would a man want to be in a relationship with someone like her? No wonder women like her get dumped and blame the men who dumped them for being jerks! Women like this are P&D-ers. Have a fling, then drop her. (IMO, she’s not even worth the expense of time or resources for a fling.)

        Maybe she’s just looking for PBB. I don’t think so. Her marketing is too broad for that. Her net is cast for both sides of AF/BB, though predominantly for PBB.

    • Karam L on said:

      Prancing arrogance is a life long happy habit. Thinking outside of yourselve is so ludacris to you laughing and garbling words is probably your highest of attempts.

      Lots of men take women at their word like they have trained to do. This thread is about breaking that training and reading what’s real in what she’s typing.

      Stabbing fellow bros for listening and believing women in world that demands you do so is as said earlier arrogant and also malicious. Not super malicious just arrogantly malicious.

      Anyways you could just be stupid, idk… But I’m guessing somewhat smart. If you add what I’ve said to what you’ve said you’ll see I said something uncompetitive and also nice to you. Your probably somewhat smart:-)

      Anyways, awesome article and way to help fellow brothers stay clean and sane with selecting women for further interests.

  10. “Note what I have put in bold face in her profile. Such enthusiasms are hardly inexpensive. ”

    The first thing that strikes me is not how much or how little they cost, but that (aside maybe from yoga/working out) they are all forms of *consumption*. Where, for instance, is cooking, painting, playing sport, gardening on this list? Nowhere.

    • To be fair, she does mention cooking and thunderstorms. Painting could fall under interior design, and if she’s a girly girl, yoga is going to be her choice over soccer. She does mention fresh flowers, which might include gardening.

      She mentions likes which can be shared with a man in date situations. She’s tailoring those situations to a very specific type of man. As has been mentioned before on this blog, dating is consumerist. She could mention less consumerist activities, but she’s filtering. Which isn’t a bad thing, as she isn’t wasting your time either. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t like other things, but it could send mixed messages. She could rattle off personal interests that are not shared activities with a potential date, but that would backfire too, Knitting is going to be something she does alone or with her best girl friends.

  11. feeriker on said:

    The problem is these women have a long bullet-pointed laundry list of their demands for anyone to contact them (or don’t “waist” their time) but not one word about what they actually have to offer the men outside of her presence.

    I look forward to the day when a man actually asks one of these woman that question, point blank, only not so politely. Admittedly it wouldn’t do any good. Given that the answer would be one that’s not about her, she wouldn’t even be able to comprehend the question in the first place. He might as well say just something random in ancient Assyrian.

    • Pedat Ebediyah on said:

      @feeriker

      “I look forward to the day when a man actually asks one of these woman that question, point blank, only not so politely.”

      Well I can get you halfway there bro…here is what I wrote to a woman on POF whose profile was titled: “Sultry siren seeking handsome and powerful knight”

      I was hardly interested in HER, though she was an attractive woman, but I wanted to see how she responded, if at all. I wrote:

      ****************
      Hello there…

      So I’m curious…how does a man respond to a woman who self-identifies as a “sultry siren”? I’m certain that you’re not a siren in the truest sense of the word, given what you wrote about how important your relationship with “God” is (she went on a length about that relationship) …but just for your edification…this can’t be you…or is it?

      I’m intrigued…you’ve made it abundantly clear what you want a guy to do for you. In your profile, the word ‘me’ appears 22 times. (NOTE: The word “I” appeared 18 times, but I didn’t even mention it to her; the “me” was telling enough)

      You also said that your relationship with God is important.

      Suppose I were a devout god-fearing man who possessed the majority of the qualities that YOU desired, but unfortunately desired a woman to have the ability and interest to bring something of value to me as a man…what would those things be from you, given as they are NOT listed in your profile?

      So, it’s given what YOU want to receive and what YOU expect. What do YOU offer a quality man of character? 🙂

      *************************

  12. Pedat Ebediyah on said:

    Now a word, bro. LOL

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