The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men


From Merriam-Webster: “not readily investigated, interpreted, or understood : mysterious”

A man should not be an open book. When building comfort with a woman, too many men reveal too much, too quickly. The dating process is about the nice process of learning about someone. When a man puts all his cards on the table too soon, he runs the risk of excess comfort and finding himself in the FriendZone™ or revealing information that a woman finds off-putting enough for her to bail out early.

It is certainly possible to be Charismatic without revealing too much. In fact, if the Charisma is opaque, it’s even more enticing to a woman because it’s easier to build attraction. She will be very keen to learn more. Of course, if she’s got some serious feminine charm (a rare thing today) she’s also working on being inscrutable.

Being inscrutable is not just about verbally revealing too much. It’s also about big body gestures and exaggerated facial expressions. Save those for drama class. An inscrutable man is a man in control of his reactions. A wry smile can be far more effective than a broad smile in the attraction game. This also has the added benefit of making a man look confident and in control. The old cliché of “still waters run deep” certainly applies to the masculine character.

Yes, this advice goes against the “be yourself” mantra stressed by mothers, sisters, and close female friends. But if “being yourself” is not getting a man’s relationship goals met and leaving him miserable, it’s time to adapt and change. It’s difficult because the post-divorce man has decades of behavioral habits ingrained. Fortunately, humans are remarkably adaptable and only a lazy man would refuse to be adaptable.


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8 thoughts on “Inscrutable

  1. Pingback: Lightning Round – 2013/09/25 | Free Northerner

  2. Hamster Tamer on said:

    Been meaning to become more fluent in Grunting… this seals it.

  3. WhatNews on said:

    I have some different but complementary takes on being anodyne (more than inscrutable):

    * Not revealing yourself means that a woman can project a whole fantasy on you,
    and be attracted to that fantasy. No real man can be better than her fantasy man.

    * Not revealing yourself means also not revealing the aspects of your personality
    or history that she might dislike. This make the fantasy easier to build and maintain.

    * Many women look for a daddy replacement, and her daddy was inscrutable to her,
    as adults can be to children, especially distant adults who have many other worries.

    These are also from negative factors from the point of view of having an “authentic” relationship with a woman, but then women are not looking for “authentic” relationships, and many are positively turned off by the possibility of one.

    Most women are only sexually attracted to men with a hard body and a tough attitude and an uncaring personality.

    As to “be yourself”, that is good advice only if a man is naturally uncaring and fit.

    • Hamster Tamer on said:

      Not revealing yourself means that a woman can project a whole fantasy on you,
      and be attracted to that fantasy. No real man can be better than her fantasy man.

      Gold, bordering platinum! I’ve achieved this, sporadically, by sheer accident… but was too blue pill to analyze it in real time.

      (The underlying psychology, BTW, is further basis for repeal of the XIX Amendment.)

  4. The best of seducers are always the ones who were and are shrouded in mystery. I used to suffer from loose lips in a sense that whenever I meet a new chick, I’m so eager to reveal everything to her within the first few minutes. To this day I still feel a bit of a compulsion to do this, but I always have to slap myself to get it together.

  5. i’ve found an air of mystery comes with either experience or insecurity.

    just my 2 cents

    • Hamster Tamer on said:

      Either way = REE-sult! (Hat tip to Brit comedy ‘Coupling’ 😀 )

      Not only do wimminz NOT need “the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but…” … they literally don’t know what to do with it.

  6. Richard Cranium on said:

    This is a lesson I had to learn the hard way. I wish I knew how many girls I chased off because I talked too much or was too upfront and honest. I thought the more they know about me the better off when exactly the opposite is true and past experiences show that. However learning from your mistakes is part of making yourself a better man.

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