The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for the post-divorce crowd

Why I Do This

I recently watched a very interesting video from Rollo.

He asks the question, “why bother”?

I ask myself the same question. I started blogging from a selfish point of view. I acknowledge that. My blog has been both a benefit and a detraction from my life. I’ve lost girlfriends over what I write. The last one hurt the most. But I stay true to my words and ideas. A man must be true to himself, regardless of how that affects his relationship with women. Frank Sinatra had a great song about it, “I Did It My Way

Hypergamy is the one word that made me understand how the relationship ‘twixt the sexes really works. Women loathe that word. They loathe that word with a white-hot passion. They loathe that word because they know it’s the truth despite what modern social expectations attempt to dictate. It’s that one word that keeps me writing and sharing wisdom. It’s that word is why I do this, blogging.

I very recently read a quote from Tom Leykis.

“I’d rather live in a one bedroom apartment than take orders from some bitch.”

It’s a savagely ugly quote. It also speaks honest truths. A man who takes orders from a woman is not a man. If he does, he’s an obsequious and supplicating doormat unworthy of respect from anyone. He’s worthless.

A man must be independent. He must live for himself, never taking orders from a woman who is only concerned for herself. This is where the irony kicks in. If a man responds to orders from a woman, his attractiveness to her dies. Sure, she might say good words to him and to her friends but the end result is loss of respect for him. Guys, when a woman tells you what to do, always say no. Always. The resulting verbal shit storm will be awesome. The resulting respect and passion will be so much more.

This is why I blog. I want to share solid and truthful information about how humans behave. We’re predictable. We’re not special snowflakes. Every word, every action, everything we do can be predicted because we’re dealing with homo sapiens. To deny that is to wallow in the deep morass of unhappiness predicated on the special snowflake concept.

Here’s another Sinatra song that I really like. It speaks to the phases of a man’s life. And the accompanying music is phenomenal. Suck it, Beethoven.


Two Recent Interviews With Me (Podcasts)

There are two recent podcasts where I was interviewed. The first interview was by Dom Torres , a young blogger and traveller. It’s just over an hour and covers a wide range of topics and I also talk about my own life. Do note that I got the chronology of my early-twenties life a bit wrong but the other facts are accurate. It’s interesting to note that Dom did the interview via Skype from Uganda. He’s definitely a world traveler. Africa is the one continent I have never visited. I give Dom serious respect for his African travels.

The full URL is here:

He’s got some other interviews, several with porn stars if you’re into that kind of thing. He’s a good cat.

The next podcast interview was with Christian McQueen . He’s quite well known in the Manosphere and is not without controversy. Regardless, he interviewed me for two full hours with many, many subjects covered. Including charisma, lessons for younger men, cultural commentary about gender, and even stories about my dog. There’s also a section where I talk candidly about my cancer.

I’ve gotten a great review of that interview:

O man ‘The Private Man’ is fucking hilarious. His voice is capturing and the way he describes things is hysterical. Great interview.

There is one important caveat with McQueen’s interview. It’s premium content and therefore you have to pay. If you do elect to pay, do know that I’m not making one penny from that. Here’s the full URL:

If you don’t want to pay, that’s fine and I understand.

I do love talking about Red Pill issues it’s just such topics are loathed by the mainstream media and the general population of civilians. I’ve offered myself up for other interviews and maybe I’ll get a call from some media outlet outside of the Manosphere.

What Does She Offer?

Through the miracle of Twitter, I was linked to this article:

Here’s the full transcript. My comments are at the bottom

For many single women over 50, the idea of dating creates angst, frustration, and confusion. But as a dating coach for women, I’m here to tell you, “Please don’t fret!”

The truth is— those 20-something gals have nothing on you when it comes to dating prowess. Surprised to hear me say that? Don’t be! Here’s five pretty fantastic reasons why dating over 50 is actually light years better than in your 20s.
So, let go of those false notions that you’re behind the game in any way. Ladies, it’s time to enjoy the dating process and realize that your love destiny is as bright and beautiful as you are. And knowing that makes all the difference because, as you can imagine, your outlook on men and dating is a huge factor in your experience and results.

Here are the five reasons dating over 50 is where it’s at:

1. At 50, you know who you are.

Today, you approach dating with a wealth of life knowledge. You no longer wonder who you are, as you might have in your 20s. Stop and take note of this and give yourself a chance to feel empowered by it.

According to WebMD, women over 50 feel more self-assured, know what they like (and don’t like), and trust themselves more. That’s the benefit of life experience—greater confidence. No, this doesn’t mean you have it all figured out, but you’ve been there and done that so you can now be yourself and enjoy.

Did you feel that way at 22? I doubt it. Back then you were still “finding yourself”, endlessly comparing yourself to others and worrying about what people thought. Confidence was hard to come by. You had to try things to discover your preferences, which meant you probably learned some hard lessons.

The benefits of this experience a 50 are remarkable. Now, apply that wonderful life knowledge and confidence to dating! You know what you like about men and relationships, and what you don’t. Let that be your guide as you start meeting men and dating.

2. You have no desire to start a family.

So much freedom comes with no longer hearing the tick-tock of your biological clock. You’re past having kids, and if you do have children, they’re older and need less of your time.

In your 20s you were looking for a man you could start a family with. Your criteria for a mate was much different, seeking a guy who could be a good provider and father. Later in your 20s, the clock ticked louder, which put pressure on you to make choices in partners that maybe weren’t the best.

Now you are either free from most child-rearing duties, or completely finished. Congratulations! Fighting with a potential partner about parenting approaches is not an issue any longer. And you don’t need a pick a man based on his potential as a father. In truth, many women in their 50s no longer need a man to act as a provider either because they are financially independent.

This means, now you can focus on having fun! You have the freedom to choose a man because he knows how to enjoy life and is ready to share that with you. Sounds good, right?

3. You have relationship experience.

Reaching your 50s, you’ve been married or you’ve been in relationships, so you’ve acquired the communication skills to handle issues that crop up (you’re also mature enough to know issues DO crop up as part of healthy, normal relationships). Now, you’re no longer afraid to speak up because you’ve seen things can and do work out. Calm conversations, logical thinking, and giving each other a chance to express concerns leads to working through problems successfully.

Remember your first fight with a boyfriend in your 20s? That was an insane amount of drama! You made mistakes, said the wrong thing, stormed out of the room, and worse. You had little knowledge of how to discuss a situation calmly, make your point fairly, or compromise.

When dating over 50, you know what type of behavior is unacceptable, how to resolve problems, and when it’s smart to compromise to get back to the pleasure of his company. That experience makes all the difference. Apply that wisdom to dating and finding love this time around. There’s no guarantee of perpetual bliss, but love is fabulous after 50.

4. You don’t need him to “put a ring on it.”

Many women over 50 married at least once, so you’ve likely already walked down the aisle and had the big wedding. Now, getting married isn’t such a pressing need. Many divorced people over 50 don’t want to marry again, even though they do want a long-term, committed relationship. You are free to choose.

Being family-minded in your 20s, marriage was vitally important. Your friends got engaged left and right and you started to feel out of the loop if you weren’t going in the same direction.

At 50, the pressure is off. You can “live together apart”, live together, or get married. This opens a world of options to connect with men. Of course, you can still choose to marry, but that’s entirely up to you. I’m not at all trying to dissuade you. But when you don’t marry, you avoid legal battles in the event things don’t work out and retain a measure of freedom in your relationship if you want that.

5. Men over 50 are more tender.

Not only have you improved with age, but so have the men. Dr. Joel Block—sex therapist and author of Sex Over 50—claims men over 50 are “more tender.” Apparently, as men age they get more comfortable with intimacy and can become nurturing. As people age they grow wiser and fine-tune their relationship skills.

Back in your 20s, do you remember men being nurturing, tender, or wise about women and their needs? Well, maybe a few were, but for the most part—both genders are just muddling their way through the confusing maze of dating and relationships.

So, you see, ladies—the chances of finding a man who understands you are better than ever over 50.

You can meet a man who is more caring and wants to make love work … without stressing about finding a provider, rushing to the altar, or getting pregnant. You know yourself and what works for you. This is ideal for dating and finding love after 50.

But you must make yourself available so the right guy can find you!

Trouble is, men can’t find you unless you put yourself out there. It’s time to socialize, get online, and have friends and family fix you up. Learn about how dating works today and then move forward with confidence, because honey, you are still a great catch and there’s a man out there who will be so lucky to find you.

Are you a single woman over 40 who is ready to start dating or dating but not meeting the right men? Get the proven dating advice you need from a dating coach who specializes in helping women over 40 with loads of success stories. Download my free book: [Redacted] so you can avoid heartbreaking missteps on your way to finding the magic of love.

The author of this article clearly has something to sell, and when dealing with dating coaches for the post-divorce crowd, always follow the money. It matters little if their information is true and accurate – if they can make a few thousand bucks giving out advice, then it’s considered a success. For women, this article is feel-good pablum. Actually, it is criminally bad feel-good pablum.

A post-50, post-divorce woman must bring something to the relationship table that a man wants. If she’s not prepared for that, then she is not ready for dating. Here’s the reality: A 50-something Prince Charming is dating 30-somethings and the sooner a 50-something woman realizes that’s her competition, the sooner she’ll be successful in realizing her relationship goals. She can loudly and proudly (“I’ll never settle!”) take herself out of the dating market, that’s her option. Attractive men do what they want with whom they want no matter how a 50-something woman “feels”.

A Man’s “Edge” Factor

So many times I have read this in a woman’s online dating profile:

“I’m looking for a nice guy with an edge.”

#Facepalm with the tired cliche but I’ll run with it.

This should actually read:

“I’m attracted [want to have sex with] to a guy with an edge who also happens to be nice to me but not everyone else because of his edge.”

There are two things going on here. The first is the “edge”. This is woman-speak for bad boy. Here are some of the things that give a man the edge, some are age-related (in no particular order):

  • Tattoos (really?! Yeah, really. #facepalm)
  • Motorcycles (or, insert any dangerous motorsports activity here but motorcycles are best)
  • Willingness to take risks – physical or financial – NOT emotional
  • Masculine emotional intensity (think the brooding and aloof creative artist, not the overly sensitive guys too willing to be in touch with their feminine side)
  • Muscles… very obvious muscles (says the guy with the arms of a gibbon)
  • Outcome independence
  •  Ability to overcome adversity (says the guy with an eyeball lost to cancer and still going on with life. Yeah, boasting. Top that, motherfuckers!)
  • Attractiveness to other women
  • Social confidence in any situation

Hell, here is another list that speaks verily to this.

Note that money and affluence don’t necessarily make for a man’s edge. Such things are about security for a woman and not necessarily about a man’s attractiveness. But do bear in mind that women too easily conflate security with attractiveness. They can’t help themselves in this regard, it’s wired into their DNA. This goes especially for post-divorce women who have not prepared for the future.

If a man with money and affluence yet lacks that “edge”, he is merely buying a woman with gifts, trips, and her ability to brag to her friends about how “generous” he is. This is particularly pronounced here in South Florida but is manifested in different ways in different cities. South Florida is not Kansas City and I know this.

A man must develop his edge. Such development must be done for himself, not merely to attract the dames. Women aren’t stupid, they know when a man is working on himself solely to please them. That kind of thing is supplication, pure and simple. Women despise that.

Ladies, Compliment Him

As many of my readers know, I’m on Twitter. I follow over 1,000 accounts, including many dating coaches. One of my favorites is Bobbi Palmer, based in California. She wrote in a 2012 blog post,  “10 Tips for Talking to Men

Number seven is particularly relevant here.

7.   Compliment him.
I bet you do this with just about every woman you meet. Men love to be complimented, yet women rarely do it. Be the gal who tells him he picked a great restaurant, looks hot in his black jacket or cracked a great joke. Tell him you 100% agree with something he says. Complimenting men on their mind and wit is usually far better received that doing so on their appearance. [Especially at our age!]

I thenTweeted about that:

Men love to be complimented yet so few women do it. #facepalm #dating

I got some good follow ups from that, this from :

it’s always struck me as odd how miserly women can be with compliments

Here’s a Tweet from very cool Twitter follower,

Gave my best male friend a series of compliments last night on phone, no reason. He was totally stunned.

Yup, men aren’t used to such things. I know that Mina was genuine with her compliments and I’m positive that she’s positively effusive when gives her husband compliments.

I can speak from experience on this. The women I became the most drawn to and most emotionally invested with are the ones who willingly and happily gave me compliments. That made me feel good. The others, I can’t even remember their names at this point. Guys, look at it this way, she may kiss you and sex you up, but if she’s not complimenting you in any way, she’s simply not into you.

Consider these two post-coital phrases uttered by the dame:

“That was wonderful!”

“You are wonderful!”

There’s a huge difference there and men must know the difference. The first phrase is about her. The second phrase is about him. That second phrase, my dear readers, is what men should be looking for regarding something long term – if that’s what you want.

Rollo, from The Rational Male blog (and books), had a very interesting Tweet that somewhat disagreed with my about compliments assertion.

“Compliments = IOIs [Indicators Of her Interest in the man). 80%+ of men are Betas, thus compliments are a rare. Can’t have Betas get the wrong ideas.”

I definitely see his point. It’s true that women are only attracted to the top 10% of men. Consider the Fuck, Marry, Kill game. If complimenting that top 10% gets a lady what she wants, why bother with the rest?

The problem with this is age. That game is great for 20 and 30 somethings. Once the Rubicon of 45ish is passed, everything changes. That middle group of “marry” starts looking a whole lot more attractive. But if a woman is only used to complimenting the top 10%, that yellow category gets rather jaundiced. Worse, they learn to become middle aged Lotharios or simply vanish from the dating scene because of social isolation. Women do the same, unaware that a simple and pleasant compliment to a man can do wonders for him. Remember this?

That total stranger’s random compliment to me then motivated me to blog about it. It was a completely and brief encounter that I still remember after over three years. I’d still recognize that woman even now. She had some serious woman-game going on.

What’s wrong with reinforcing a man’s confidence through a compliment? Women adore confident men. The compliment is the opposite of the shit test where a woman tests the mans adversity by artificially creating that adversity by herself. Ladies, we’re post divorce now. You’re too old for that terrible emotional fuckery you perpetrated before things got, well, older. You know exactly what I mean.

However, a compliment to a man isn’t always genuine, some men know this. The first conundrum lies in the exploitation problem. A woman may compliment you merely because she wants something from you other than romance and intimacy. Rather the compliment is awfully disingenuous collection of words meant has barely hid emotional manipulation. White Knights are incredibly susceptible to this. “Oh, Brad, you’re so strong and I really need help moving this weekend.” Brad, the fucking moron, finds himself walking up and down three flights of stairs with heavy furniture and boxes, all for a manipulative compliment while his desire for intimacy is selfishing exploited by cupcake.

All is not lost, thankfully. Another form of compliment is spontaneous and genuine physical affection with a man. It doesn’t have to be a night of wild passions, in can be a simple manner of holding his thigh when you’re sitting with him at a restaurant. Better yet, a spontaneous – even if brief – kiss on the lips will do it. Ladies, compliment your attraction to him by being physically affectionate to him. This ain’t rocket science. Human beings are predictable.

The second conundrum is the man can’t ask for such compliments, especially through passive means.  If a guy’s been on a 5th or 6th with a woman where there is clearly mutual attraction and vibrant (if only potentially for now, sexuality), he still has to maintain his frame. “So what do you like about me?” is the question a woman asks, never a man. Such a question from a man kills the ladyboner faster than his impending layoff from work. A confident man makes statements. “I know why you like dating and I know you’re going to tell me in the next five minutes.” Her answer might be something like, “you’re an arrogant jerk!”. But all the while she’s massaging your thigh and smirking. The smirk and thigh rub were the response, you bonehead! Actions over words.

In conclusion, women must stop being so miserly with their compliments towards men, especially in the context of attraction and dating. Ladies, a compliment won’t lead to an awkward rejection later on, especially if you’ve decided to a good guy. There are zillions of them out there, they’re just invisible to you. Thankfully, I have a cure for that.

Feminine Predictability

This is a fast moving blog post. Guys, if you want to push a woman away, either a friend or lover, just remind her that she’s predictable and acts just like every other woman out there. The dames hate that. Actually, they truly loathe that. It’s a great break up tactic. So please, put her in a category. It really doesn’t matter which one. The end result is that the woman is gone. It’s really quite simple and astonishingly predictable. It matters little the age. Every woman wants to be a special snowflake but a vanishingly few really are. In fact, all women are indeed like that, utterly and totally predictable. Men are too but it’s OK to lambaste the male sex. Go ahead and check out TV, movies, blogs, websites and the like to back this up. It’s open season on men. Hey, that’s ok. It sells papers and increases website traffic.

I sometimes give out rather honest words regarding the ferociously nasty behavior of women. Women are human beings, too. They do some righteously stupid shit, just like us guys. Unfortunately, white knights step in to support the stupid shit that women do. This means that women can continue with their stupid shit. The white knights then get to pretend that they “helped” some despicable dame who had bad or usurious intent. It becomes a vicious circle. Women do stupid shit, men support it.

I’m simply not going there. When I see predictable and bad feminine behavior, I have no restraint in calling it out. This is my obligation. I see this as a way to help out other men who are confused about the feminine imperative. I also understand and can easily live with the consequences of my actions. Truths are permanent and must be spoken. If not, I’m not doing my job, my own moral imperative.

Lena Dunham #Facepalm

The New Yorker, a publication I have been reading for decades, has dove into the culturally stinky landfill of millennials by publishing something written by Lena Dunham. We all know her. Red Pill and Manosphere guys simply find her, well, rather absurd. Her piece in that august publication is entitled, “Dog or Jewish Boyfriend? A Quiz

Using the standard format of a clickbait list, Ms Lena describes 35 things that compare her Jewish boyfriend to a dog. I love dogs. I have a dog. I also spent my adolescent years in a Jewish household. I bet you didn’t know that about me. When Ms Lena compares her Jewish boyfriend to a dog, I raise an eyebrow. I’d raise both eyebrows but Lena only inspires one. Hey, at least it’s the eyebrow over my good eye.

One of my Twitter followers clued me into this story and the commentary that resulted. Thanks @AviWoolf. He asked the question regarding Lena’s piece “Anti-semitism or emasculation” and posted a link to this piece of commentary from an Isreali newspaper\. The author of that piece made some very on-point observations:

Most striking about the enraged responses was what they did not include: The impunity with which women are allowed to express contempt for members of the male sex, while cloaking their own neediness and hunger for love in outdated feminist lingo.

Indeed, nobody calls them out on things that men could never get away with saying, certainly not in print.

Take, for example, Dunham’s explanation for her boyfriend’s behavior: “He comes from a culture in which mothers focus every ounce of their attention on their offspring and don’t acknowledge their own need for independence as women.”

This is the crux of Lena’s writing. The Jewish thing isn’t as nearly as relevant as the anti-male thing. In fact, the Jewish thing is a total smokescreen to hide Lena’s general loathing for her hapless boyfriend. Hopefully, he will be an ex-boyfriend soon, at his decision. No, Lena was a clever dame. She carefully used an adjective to invoke a predictable response from the intellectual readership of The New Yorker. For that I give her the slow golf clap. For the boyfriend, based on her description of him, the Manosphere should get a him a plane ticket to somewhere in Wyoming so he can ride horses, shoot guns, and get over his food issues. That dude is way too much the hipster.

It’s encouraging how gender issues are flowing into the mainstream and international media. There is a growing recognition that something is rotten in the realm of male/female relationships and interactions. That recognition is leading to a jaundiced eye being cast on feminist ideology. Imagine that an Israeli publication publishes an opinion piece that actually acknowledges anti-male bias. That’s significant, right there. There’s also some serious stuff going on in India where dowry laws and female entitlement are working together predictably. I urge all my readers to follow the amazing @DeepikaBhardwaj and the exploitation of India’s anti-dowry laws, that 498A thing. It’s good cultural stuff.

My Blog Is Anathema To Women

I lost another one because of this blog, another woman that is. I’m quite well used to it at this point in my life. I won’t say it doesn’t hurt. It does. But the emails, comments, and donations via my blog tell me that I’m doing the right thing by speaking truth to power. Here’s the savage irony – my blog gives me strength and confidence, two things that are catnip to women. Yet the downside is that I expose here the essential truths of humanity, especially the often wretched side of feminine humanity. The dames hate that. No, hatred is a word not strong enough. My words are despised, they are loathed. Best of all, my words are feared. All Manosphere bloggers know this.

I’m not going to stop writing. This is what I do. I speak the essential truths about humanity. If humanity doesn’t like those words, then humanity can pound sand. I’ve been given an expiration date and it’s coming up fairly fast so to temper my words does a horrible disservice to my readers. Being temperate does a worse disservice to the post-divorce men who read my words and need help. By the way, y’all should check out Terrence Popp. That’s some funny (and accurate) shit right there.

So, I keep writing. If any of the women I was once involved with read my words and don’t like them, they can also pound sand because I know that I’m writing the truth. This is the Red Pill. This is knowledge that was never even whispered about before the digital age. Now, it’s being shouted from the Internet rooftops and the men – especially post-divorce men – are listening and acting accordingly to their own best interests. To that, I say “congrats!” I hope every man looks in the mirror and does whats good for him and no one else.

I’ve been MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) for about five years. This doesn’t mean I’ve given up on relationships with women. It means that I’m committed to looking after my own interests first. If women don’t understand that or don’t like that? She gets the NEXT! After all, there are many single, middle-age women out there. Again, the irony is that women find my approach and attitude very attractive in a man. The more a man eschews women, the more he is attractive to women. Ladies, do you see the complete insanity in that? This is complete and total mental illness and it’s small wonder that one in four of you are on some form of mood altering drugs.

I have no empathy or sympathy for women. None. It’s gone. It was beaten out of me by social expectations and a cultural system that expects me to prostrate myself to the alter of womanhood. Nice try. The only reason to put a woman on a pedestal is to look up her skirt and hope that what’s under there can be accessed with some righteous Pick Up Artistry (PUA)… and then move on. There’s always another one. And another one. And another one. And another one. Related, my dog is more loyal.

Never Go Shopping With Her, It’s a Shit Test

Shopping is all about the estrogen. During my first marital administration, I remember too many trips to the mall where my ex happily tried on shoes and outfits for hours (and hours and hours) on end. I was left holding the bag, her handbag. I went along with it, not knowing that every hour spent this way was another stone chip away in the creation of the divorce sculpture. She called it “retail therapy”. Note to guys, any woman who uses that phrase is a woman not worthy of your affections. You’re welcome.

If the woman of your affection wants to shop with you, say no. Always. Shopping is a time suck for men. It’s a way for women to beat you about the head and neck with a mindless and stupid activity that emasculates you. A mall is the antithesis to testosterone. It is a place where men go to quietly die. The only reason for a man to go a mall is to meet women, on his own. If he’s there with a woman, his balls shrivel up. Sadly, the women know this. Shopping is a shit test, one of the worst.

What makes shopping an even more terrible thing is at the check out counter. She might very well expect the man to take out his own credit card to pay for the trinkets, baubles, and shoes (flats?!) that she has selected for purchase. Worse, she has picked out prudish outfits that do nothing to accentuate her figure. You’re expected to pay for a pathetically ugly cardigan that she will wear on future dates with you? #Facepalm.

There are three cures for the shopping shit test:

1. Don’t go shopping with her. Ever. It can be that easy. Just say no. She’s going to buy stuff you don’t like. Why are you involved with that?

2. Go shopping for you with her in tow. That’s frame control. You’ve got to buy some new dress shirts or a new suit. She can come in handy for an opinion in this regard. Note, you’re not going to any store where she can get something.

3. Only go to stores to find shoes, outfits, and baubles that heighten her sexuality. That pathetic cardigan she wants YOU to buy for her? Nah. You’ll offer to pay for a stripper-like top that accentuates her figure. If it’s your money, you make the rules.

For women, shopping is a legitimate enthusiasm. I understand that. But that doesn’t mean I have to go along with that. Nor should any other man.

The Man’s Shed – The Australians Are Getting It Right!

A few days back, I wrote a post about the pathology of male loneliness and social isolation. Based on that post’s comments and emails, I clearly have addressed something that is rarely discussed amongst middle-age, post divorce guys. In reading the comments and emails, I was reminded of a social movement for men in Australia – The Shed Movement. In Australia and the UK, the shed is a like a detached outbuilding where men go to do projects such as fixing a lawnmower or restoring an old motorcycle. Such spaces are firmly masculine. The American equivalent might be a garage workshop or basement. The space is not for passive masculinity such as playing video games or watching sports. The shed is where a man can be productive in his projects. It is not necessarily a man cave.

The Australian Mens Shed Association (AMSA) is a very positive response to a public health issue that impacts men very directly. Here is the description of the AMSA from their website:

So what is so special about this new type of Men’s Shed? Most men have learned from our culture that they don’t talk about feelings and emotions. There has been little encouragement for men to take an interest in their own health and well-being. Unlike women, most men are reluctant to talk about their emotions and that means that they usually don’t ask for help. Probably because of this many men are less healthy than women, they drink more, take more risks and they suffer more from isolation, loneliness and depression. Relationship breakdown, retrenchment or early retirement from a job, loss of children following divorce, physical or mental illness are just some of the problems that men find it hard to deal with on their own.

Good health is based on many factors including feeling good about yourself, being productive and valuable to your community, connecting to friends and maintaining an active body and an active mind. Becoming a member of a Men’s Shed gives a man that safe and busy environment where he can find many of these things in an atmosphere of old-fashioned mateship. And, importantly, there is no pressure. Men can just come and have a yarn and a cuppa [cup of tea] if that is all they’re looking for.

Here’s the kicker that I found shocking. The Shed movement in Australia is funded by the government. Yes, there are private donations and patrons. However, the Australian government has recognized that the social well-being of men directly impacts their health. There needs to be spaces where men are free to be themselves without the sometimes negative impact of women. Of course the Shed movement is supposed to be open to women, but I suspect that few women want to be in a workshop where things are decidedly masculine.

The AMSA website has really nailed the problem with men, especially those over a certain age:

Because men don’t make a fuss about their problems, these problems have consistently been either ignored or swept under the mat by both our health system and our modern society. It’s time for a change and the Men’s Shed movement is one of the most powerful tools we have in helping men to once again become valued and valuable members of our community.

Here in North America, there really isn’t such a shed tradition nor would any politician have the stones to recommend something like this. Instead, men are turning to the Internet to share information and to discuss issues that are uniquely masculine. This is not a perfect approach. Digital connections can only go so far. Men must be able to be together doing things that interest them. The Shed movement is doing exactly that. I urge my readers to peruse the AMSA website and, in particular, watch their videos. This organization is directly addressing masculine social isolation. Granted, they do focus on retired guys but I think post-divorce guys could equally benefit from such an organization.

A large demographic cohort of retired men is going to have a profound impact on North American culture. There will be public health issues and political issues. If not addressed by our society, such issues will have serious negative impacts in terms of public policy and public funding. I know that my younger readers are not exactly keen on the Baby Boomer generation. It doesn’t matter their feelings on the aging demographics. Politicians will have no restraint when dipping in the wallets and handbags of the younger generations looking for more funding for an aging and still politically powerful demographic group. Wouldn’t it just be better to find a way to keep men healthier before their social isolation kills them slowly and expensively?

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