The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for the post-divorce crowd

An Attraction Preference Is Never An “Ism”

Rarely do I venture into the culture conflict that plagues our social landscape with political correctness and the “blank slate” concept of human development. Attraction and dating information for post-divorce singles is my usual haunt and it’s a passion of mine. Sometimes, however, the small and pointless world of the social justice warrior (SJW) attempts to intrude into the fiercely realistic world of attraction, desire, and dating.

Through Twitter, I was informed of this recently published dreck from The Daily Beast. The article in question focuses on the gay community. But over the past few years, there has been discussion about individual’s attraction preferences in the context of dating between heterosexuals and gays.

If you’re a gay man, phrases like “no blacks” and “no Asians” aren’t just words that you’d find on old signs in a civil rights museum, they are an unavoidable and current feature of your online dating experience. On gay dating apps like Grindr and Scruff, some men post blunt and often offensive disclaimers on their profiles such as “no oldies,” “no fems,” and “no fatties.” Among the most ubiquitous are racial disclaimers like “no blacks” and “no Asians,” which are most frequently posted by white men.

A gay man defending himself from potential charges of misogyny because of his clear desire to not have sex with women provided a reasonable response:

Those who deploy these disclaimers defend themselves from accusations of “racism” by claiming that they merely have “preferences” for certain races over others. Wrote one gay blogger, “Don’t tell me I can’t have a preference! I don’t want to have sex with women. No hard feelings. Does that make me a misogynist?”

Naturally, a feminist in another article says much the same thing:

Claiming that someone is unworthy of associating with you because of race and hiding behind the flimsy excuse of sexual tastes or lack of hypothetical romantic chemistry is racist.

This is shame, pure and simple. The authors of those essays are using an old method to manipulate our attraction and dating behavior. It’s “attraction preference” shaming. Shame is crude, but fundamentally effective in the public sphere. Thankfully, online dating preferences are only barely public, much like an iceberg is mostly underwater and not visible. This ultimately saves dating from the horror of political correctness

The author of the second essay goes on to claim,

Race in itself has absolutely no bearing on a person’s effectiveness as a partner or their impact on a relationship.

It just doesn’t.

Well, if a potential partner’s race is sexually undesirable to the partner, that’s an extremely large impact on the potential relationship. Put simply, social shame can do nothing to increase sexual ardor and blood flow to the genitals. Desire is something that happens between our ears, not in the messy and dysfunctional world of social expectations. In effect, initial desire for another person is private, only manifested publically when an online dating profile is created and those preferences are readable by many.

Of course, the unintended consequence will be simply to drive people away from freely expressing their desires and words and using their actions instead. A man or woman eschews writing honest preferences and simply doesn’t send messages to, or reads messages from, those individuals whom they don’t find desirable for whatever reason.

There’s something else about these articles. They focus on the racial element of dating attractiveness preferences. All singles looking for love (or nookie) have a wide variety of preferences. At a basic level, heterosexuals prefer the opposite sex. Yet there is so much more involved. Height, weight, religion, personal habits, employment, status, are all of the many factors that are blended into attraction.

There are many articles and opinion pieces about this subject. They all reach towards the same conclusion, that attraction preferences, whether gay or straight, are somehow “crimethink” that go against a particular ideology. Will such an attitude lead to a whole raft of new shaming because all the preferences we have regarding potential romantic partners?

Dating is already challenging enough. Most people complain about the process. Such articles only heap ideological garbage on top something that is, fundamentally, a very private effort. Who we kiss is no one else’s business, especially not ideologically driven busy bodies trying to shame singles to fit into a cultural agenda. The actionable advice is this – ignore such attempts at shaming. Maintain your preferences as much as reasonably possible based on the economics of dating attractiveness, not the ideology of dating attractiveness.

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Video Podcast 7 – Bad Dating Advice

In this video podcast, I cover two pieces of really bad attraction and dating advice. [Note: This video’s focus is not quite as sharp as the others.]

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Ready For Dating? 15 Yes/No Questions For Men

Men are big on practical and actionable advice that’s not based on touchy-feely platitudes. Serving up aphorisms, “Love will find you when you least expect it”, is utterly useless for a guy who is looking to fulfill his relationship goals through active measures. Platitudes are for women who only want to feel good about their decisions, even if bad ones. Men ain’t women.

With you men in mind, here is a checklist to determine if you’re actually ready to start dating again after the end of a long term relationship, marriage or otherwise. I have added my comments, italics, for each item in the list. Also, I have included links to resources, either from my own blog or outside of it. Finally, this checklist also includes items related to online dating because that is a valid, if time-consuming, approach to meeting women.

Most of these questions are quite basic. A few require a man to put in time and effort for his own masculine self-improvement (MSI). I hear way too many unhappy stories about dating. The vast majority of these stories can be avoided if the man is properly prepared.

If you answered “No” to any of the following questions, you’re not ready for dating.

1. Do you have a dating wardrobe and are willing to wear it?

If the answer is no, get yourself some decent and up-to-date clothes. You don’t have to dress like some fey hipster. The point here is to dress one level up from all the guys around you. This includes accessories like a watch or a belt that matches your shoes. Women notice these things. There are plenty of available resources, here’s just one.

2. Is your hair new, neat, and not an embarrassment?

If no, get your hirsute head to a proper barber. You’re not Donald Trump. A pony-tail is a cliché of Baby Boomer proportions that too many men think are edgy and risky. #facepalm.

3. Can you have a conversation that doesn’t involve droning on about only one subject such as your job, your family, or the one enthusiasm your pursue?

If no, you’re boring or worse, a blowhard. Women aside, being a well-rounded man is attractive and charismatic to everyone around you.

4. Do you have basic social skills so you can carry a reasonable conversation and recognize verbal and non-verbal signals?

If no, you need to work on your social skills. This means getting out of the house and having real life social interactions with your fellow human beings.

5. Do you have a solid online dating profile complete with up-to-date photos?

If no, your profile sucks. For the text portion, write at least two paragraphs. Make sure your photos are good and recent. For both the words and photos, avoid clichés as much as possible. There are lots of resources for creating a good online dating profile.

6. Do you have interests and enthusiasms outside of work and family?

This is also part of being a well-rounded man. You get bonus points if your interests and enthusiasms involving real life social interactions with other people. You get bonus dating points if you actively attend singles group events and activities.

7. Do you have a list of interesting and cost-effective first date options ready to go?

If no, you’re not prepared to take the lead in the dating process. Women expect and respect that a man has ideas for a first date. She’s already decided to go on the date with you, any further decisions regarding that date are your responsibility.

8. Are you emotionally ready?

This question is a bit nebulous and requires serious introspection, I know. If you don’t think you’re emotionally ready for meeting and dating the dames, then you need some more time as a single guy and maybe if some professional help. Just watch out of politically correct therapist who is pushing an ideological agenda.

If you answer “Yes” to any of the following questions, you’re not ready for dating.

1. Do you feel compelled to talk about an ex (any ex) on a first date?

If yes, you’re not over your ex and you need to move on, no matter what wrongs you have experienced. Never ever talk about an ex, whether damning or praising, on a first date. Ever.

2. Do you have a hard time getting out of the house except for work, desperately needed errands, or child visitation?

If yes, you’re likely suffering from social isolation, a common problem for post-divorce guys. Getting out of the house is a huge part of relieving social isolation and loneliness.

3. Do you think life owes your something such as a great job and a hot dame?

If yes, you have an entitlement problem. You don’t deserve anything handed to you, you can only work hard for it and hope for the best. Oh, with this attitude, you’re likely an ass, too.

4. Do you avoid dealing with your health?

If yes, mortality is stalking you without mercy. Unhealthy habits such as smoking or drinking too much will ultimately kill you. Fix these things for yourself. After a certain age, health issues accelerate dramatically but many can be staved off through exercise and diet. Being overweight is attractive to no one. Men over a certain age also have a pattern of avoiding the physician.

5. Have you ever been accused of having anger issues?

If yes, address your emotional self-control because too much anger is too much for too many people. Also, anger is exhausting. A touch of righteous anger is OK but showing it constantly does you no favors in the dating department.

6. Are you too sensitive emotionally?

If yes, save your tears for something truly important. The sensitive, new-age guy (SNAG) is a rather sad guy who has embraced way too much of his feminine side. Remember guys, the masculine attracts the feminine.

Guys, dating can be fun. You can the opportunity to meet new people, work on social skills, and maybe even fulfill your relationship goals. Keep me posted on your progress in the comments.

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PUA? No, It’s Now MSI

My friend, Boris, is a typical guy looking for some answers about life, love, and coping with the world in a healthier and more realistic manner. Naturally, he was drawn to the Manosphere because this is one of the few places where the unvarnished truths about life are discussed. Boris mentioned the problem of where to begin. As Boris said, “there is no ‘start here’ Manosphere/Red Pill web page”. He’s right and I’m going to take a stab at it in a later blog post.

While taking some notes on an introduction to the Manosphere, I quickly discovered that there is a nomenclature problem that I will cover later but first I must describe the basics elements of the Manosphere. There are three basic divisions within the ‘Sphere:

1. MRAs – “Mens Rights Activists”. These are the cultural and political soldiers who call attention to the often egregious inequalities in our current legal and social system. If you’re looking for true equality between the sexes, these are the people with whom to align and support. This group also gets the most mainstream media coverage, usually by lazy or ideological-driven “journalists”.

2. MGTOWs – “Men Going Their Own Way” (It’s pronounced “Mig-Tao”) Welcome to the group of men who reject most of the social expectations foisted on the male sex. These are the expectations of self-sacrifice, following the approved life script that insists on cow towing to the feminine imperative, and being cultural cannon fodder for a socio-economic system that views men as completely expendable or simply invisible. MGTOWs ain’t havin’ any of that crap.

3. PUAs – “Pick Up Artists”. Want to learn how women think and act in the context of attraction and seduction? This group of men (and women!) are the part of the Manosphere that has a deep and truthful understanding of the minds of women. Sometimes it’s not pretty to read or watch because PUAs know that women are fundamentally predictable when it comes to the attraction patterns they have for men.

For all the lazy and ideological-driven journalists out there, these three groups have distinct and very different world views. In fact, these three groups are sometimes in conflict despite all being part of the same loose collection of blogs and websites that present and discuss issues related specifically to the male sex. To see the Manosphere as a monolithic cultural entity to play fast, loose, and stupid with the easily-researched facts.

Circling back, it’s the designation of “PUA” that is causing me the linguistic grief. The term is simply too old-fashioned now. A few years back, the PUA “movement” was quite the thing. Does anyone remember “The Pickup Artist” on VH1? Consider that the heyday of public awareness of PUA, for better and worse.

PUA is still with us in the form of “dating” coaches who sell boot camps and online classes. Their marketing messages are often ridiculous. “Watch this video and get laid tonight!” That sort of thing. Eh, it’s business. But few of these capitalistic refer to themselves as pickup artists. That term is quietly fading away because it has a negative connotation and it doesn’t begin to cover the very large field of men improving themselves.

So, in keeping with the recent them of coining new linguistic terms (here, here, and here), I propose that PUA be retired completely and a new term be used in lieu of that. The core ethos of being a more attractive man is Masculine Self Improvement, or MSI. There is so much that goes into MSI – physical appearance, charisma, social skills, confidence, and more. Also, MSI is NOT just being more attractive to the opposite sex. In fact, just being more attractive to women is the completely wrong approach. Men must look at self-improvement as a, frankly, very selfish approach to life. There’s not a thing wrong with that.

With a new bit of Manosphere nomenclature, it will become easier for me to a write a “start here” blog post or completely new blog page. For that page, I won’t be covering the MRA and MGTOW divisions of the ‘Sphere because I’m neither of those but I will be linking to websites that go into more detail.

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Labor Day Weekend Blog Post Mélange

I was recently hanging out with a very loyal reader, Boris (such a great pseudonym!). We had a nice discussion about the Manosphere, women, and our recent experiences with both. Some of the conversation was rather personal and so I won’t share it here. Thankfully, the conversation brought up three disparate topics that a worthy of exploring just a bit. As well, there is a bonus (and relatively brief) video to share.

1. Boris raised a very interesting problem faced by newcomers to the Manosphere and Red Pill wisdom. He spoke of a roadmap or a path for such newcomers to follow once they are introduced to this way of thinking. There are so many Manosphere blogs and websites that it is confusing and overwhelming. Where does a guy start? My blog is, admittedly, poorly categorized with too many almost-random posts. Many Mansphere blogs are much the same way.

As Boris said, “there is no ‘start here’ Manosphere/Red Pill web page”. He brought this up because a friend of his eventually joined us and Boris wanted to talk about the Manosphere. There are certainly many good blog for his friend to read but as a total newbie to this part of the web, that friend is presented with an intellectual briar patch and with no obvious entry. This presents a great opportunity for any Manosphere blogger, including me. I’ll be thinking a lot about this over the weekend.

2. Boris sometimes visits strip clubs here in Broward County. There are plenty of such places to chose from here and he knows several of them. Boris made it very clear that he knew the game with strippers and simply used the stripper and strip club experience as a “flight simulator”. I thought the analogy was wickedly funny and equally true. He gets to practice his charisma but knows that he’s not leaving the runway, so to speak. If he can get a few phone numbers without tossing around a few sawbucks (20 dollar bills), he’s gained some valuable practice in the flight simulator.

3. Boris’s friend, Sergei (sticking with Russian pseudonyms) presented a great new bit of dating nomenclature that needs to be spread around, especially for post-divorce guys. You’ve heard of the “cougar”, of course. Sergei mentioned the term “snow leopard”. He wasn’t referring to the endangered predatory cat from the Himalayas. He was referring to predatory women of a certain age where their hair is white. The visual image of that term is very amusing and not without truth as I have seen on the online dating website, “OurTime”. So let’s work on spreading this term around. We’ve already got twigging and quantum selection going, the nomenclature hat-trick is quite the linguistic coup.

And now, the bonus video! This was me experimenting with a few outside shots at a local restaurant with and outdoor bar. It was noisy but I think I had the sound sorted out so my voice came through clearly. Because this is only a brief experiment, I’m not going to categorize this as a video podcast.

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Dating/Relationship Closure and “The Vanishing”

This subject periodically arises when there is discussion on the Internet about how men and women handle dating/relationship “closure” when the dating/relationship ends between the man and the woman. A former blogger, LaidNYC, wrote a brief and painfully honest post about this very topic. He was a great blogger but he quietly backed away from the Manosphere scene, alas. Here are his words taken from a ‘Net archive. I added some things in [brackets].

As a man, you don’t need closure.

A girl either wants to fuck you or she doesn’t.  A long, emotional [or attempted logical] conversation will not change this fact.

Girls, however, need to put a man they are dumping into a desexualized box and wrap a pretty bow of closure around it.  By participating in the closure process you are helping her tie the bow around your desexualized fate.

If a girl breaks up with you:
Do not talk about your feelings
Do not talk about her feelings
Do not argue with her reasons

Just accept it and grieve on your own time.

This is hard.


Because a woman will never give her ACTUAL reasons for breaking up with you.  She will only give you society-approved bullshit that makes her look innocent. [Or, she just doesn’t understand her own emotional reasoning and looks to socially approved messages to help her out of the mess]

She will never say “you didn’t fuck me good enough” or “you’re too nice and not exciting” or “no other girl I know wants to fuck you so something must be wrong with you”.

She will say “I’m really busy with school and work and don’t have time for a relationship now” or “you’re great but I”m not ready for anything serious” or “I care about you as a friend”.

Sometimes the reasons she give will be SO false, such obvious flowery bullshit, that you will feel a deep burning need to set her straight, to correct her misunderstanding.


You can’t logic a woman.

You can say “okay”, walk away with a smirk and never contact her again. [The smirk is important because you have options, right?]

Being robbed of emotionally dripping closure, she’ll always feel a little incomplete.
Why didn’t he fight harder for me?
Did I really not get to his emotions?
Am I not as desirable to him as I thought?
Is he more desirable than I thought?

Girls have egos.  They WANT to know you’re emotional about her breaking up with you.  It validates her.  So don’t do it. [This sounds strong but it’s essentially true]

You want a girl dumping you to question her reasons, not verify them.

When a girl dumps you, you want to be able to look back on how you handled it with pride.

When you give a girl closure, you give her your pride. [Always save the best line for last.]

I fundamentally agree with this approach to dating/relationship closure. However, this only applies to when a woman actively breaks up with the man or a man actively breaks up with a woman. Here is the salient point that LaidNYC makes in his blog post:

When you give a girl closure, you give her your pride.

Guys should never, ever do this. A man’s pride is a valuable asset and must be protected. This is one of the reasons I started the #IHaveSelfRespect hashtag on Twitter. Too many men voluntarily surrender their pride to women and this weakens their backbone, the most attractive feature a man can have.

There is an exception to this rule of closure. This happens when a woman passively breaks up with a man by using the vanishing act. She vanishes precisely because she doesn’t want closure. This is because she doesn’t want to insult the guy or is too scared to tell the truth that she has started dating another guy or, more than one guy.

This is when the man must completely cut off all communication, especially if she attempts to resurface. This can certainly happen when a post-divorce, over 45-year-old woman experiences the complete paucity of available, attractive men. The demographics and statistics are clear on this, especially if she is after a man with a higher income or higher educational level. There is a recent book that discusses this and uses factual demographic data to illustrate it.

If the woman does the vanishing act, it could also be something about the guy that she simply doesn’t want to reveal about him. This is her diplomacy at work and it’s not necessarily a bad thing. An introspective man who is truly self-aware will know his flaws, be they emotional or physical. Such a man also pursues options in case of just such a vanishing act.

As for the timing of the vanishing act and how quickly the man moves on to a different option in women, that’s based on how often the two communicated before her vanishing. The rule of thumb I use is the 2x guideline. If the two individuals only communicated about every two days, her not communicating for more than twice that duration indicates her vanishing. This guideline also applies to men who do a vanishing. The only reason for not responding to a text is that he or she has the other person low on the priority list, not a place to be.

During that gap time, she’s either into another guy through dating brachiation. Or, she has assessed the current guy’s faults and found them wanting. This is life. It’s important to know that when a guy seeks closure from her, it’s a sign of his weakness. A man doesn’t need such emotional closure, he must have the strength and confidence to handle just about anything without receiving an ex’s last words to him.

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Mr. Cellophane

One of my Twitter followers is a fine fellow from Israel who sometimes writes for The Times of Israel (it’s in English) and is also is the editor of a publication in Hebrew but with English available. Avi Woolf is his name (on Twitter, @AviWoolf). This post will not be about middle-east geo-politics, be advised. My blog doesn’t cover such issues because such discussions do little or nothing to enhance a man’s charisma. Worse, such discussions can too easily turn a man into a blowhard, a truly ugly character.

In his writing for The Times of Israel, Avi brought up the concept of “Mr. Cellophane”. It’s a brilliant analogy. There is much talk in the Manosphere about the large majority of invisible men. In reality, these men are not quite invisible. Rather, they can be seen but only in the context when they are useful, particularly to women. So, the Mr. Cellophanes, like real cellophane, are only visible when having a function that serves the feminine imperative. In fact, the only time we notice cellophane is when we run out of it. The same goes for the Mr. Cellophanes. When not available, there loss is bemoaned by the estrogen set.

Being  useful is not a bad masculine quality in itself because men are essentially builders. The desire to be useful is something most men possess. One could argue that such a feeling is hardwired into a man’s DNA, sociopaths and psychopaths not withstanding. The problem is being exploited, especially by women, makes a man even more invisible. Mr. Cellophane becomes a schmuck in that regard. He might be exploited for his labor, his money, or his kindly emotional demeanor. Regardless, the key word here is “exploited.”

In describing a particular scenario that happens too frequently with men, I created the Twitter hashtag #IHaveSelfRespect. Mr. Cellophane doesn’t have much self respect and any that he manages to scrape up is usually at his own expense through being exploited. Yes, I see the irony there. By directly addressing these masculine issues, Avi Woolf is helping otherwise transparent but useful men reclaim their self respect. I’m doing much the same thing. In fact, Avi has given me lots of credit for positively impacting his world view regarding social situations and women. I find it flattering that he might be passing along my thoughts to his readers in Israel. That gets the #facepalm hashtag from me.

For my male readers who indulge in the world of Twitter, I would like you to use that hashtag in the context of a Tweet where you state how you did something worth of your own respect. I think this would be a great exercise in getting men to better value themselves. Self respect doesn’t have to be garnered solely when dealing with women. Self respect can come through showing backbone in any context, social or not. Through this blog, I happen to focus on the social elements to life. A man mastering a skill on his own without any kind of social context can revel in self respect quite nicely. Consider a motorcyclist who becomes proficient in counter-steering all by himself without any kudos from his fellow motorcyclists. That’s #Ihaveselfrespect material, right there.

I urge Avi Woolf to keep writing for the Mr. Cellophanes of this world (or, of Israel as it may be). I do take issue with his Twitter avatar because, well, it’s ugly just like my dog. I think Avi and I have much the same goal in helping men to be better men. And guys, don’t be so transparent as to the point of invisibility. Don’t be a Mr. Cellophane.

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Two Questions For My Readers

These are not grand philosophical questions about attraction and dating. These are two questions whose answers might help me better reach my readership. Y’all can answer via the comments, email (see my contact page), or Twitter.

Question 1…

There is a new mobile app for live video broadcasts. It’s called Periscope and would allow me to do such live broadcasts. The app is now owned by Twitter and I’ve seen a few live broadcasts and they looked pretty good. I tried YouTube’s live broadcast function and found it to be hard to use and the final output had too much lag for it to be any good.

If I did start doing such broadcasts would you be willing to download the app and watch the broadcasts? It is possible to use your computer’s browser but I have yet to get access to the real time chat function. Please let me know.

Question 2…

Back in 2013, I held a live meet-up for Spring Break here in Lauderdale-by-the-Sea. About a dozen or so guys showed up and it was a good social event. I am proposing doing another meet-up for Spring Break, March, 2016. The meet-up would be either the weekends of March 4-6 or March 11-13. All would be welcome and it would be a casual get-together. If there is sufficient interest, I could organize an event or two to provide some additional structure. Again, let me know.

Thanks, y’all.

Dating Demographics – Who’s In Charge?

[Note: There are many links in the post. Some of those links connect to more articles and essays about this subject. The subsequent reader comments in such articles are many and interesting. This is a swiftly developing rabbit hole but worth exploring and furthering the discussion often and widely.]

There have been some very recent public discussion on the ‘Net and in the mainstream media about the demographics of dating and how the impacts dating and mating behavior between the sexes. The release of the book, Date-onomics, is motivating the discussion. It’s no surprise that Evan Marc Katz, successful dating coach for professional women, published a blog post that has motivated over 180 comments from his readers. Those comments are worth reading because he attracts a thoughtful blog audience.

Other media content has also been produced in the past couple of weeks about Date-onomics including Time, the New York Post, Good Morning America, the Chicago Tribune, Glamour Magazine, Huffington Post, public radio and private radio station interviews with the author, John Birger (his blog). Naturally, the Manosphere has chimed in as well. This book and the subject it raises must be discussed often and everywhere, especially in big cities where the author accurately describes the realities of dating demographics. These realities are even more acute for the post-divorce crowd of singles.

There is a not-so-curious oversight of a key concept in all this coverage of dating demographics and the shortage of college-educated single men. Manosphere and Red Pill observers will immediately see hypergamy as the biggest hurdle that college-educated women face. This word, however, will seldom be used outside of the ‘sphere because such nomenclature acknowledges basic biological behavior that might work against the feminine imperative. The ideology of the human “blank slate” is still too strong for the mainstream media to accept, much less openly question it.

Hypergamy in women is so strong that otherwise intelligent and thoughtful single women will rationalize their inability to find men with whom to meet their relationship goal(s). The rationalizing results in some very predictable female responses to the stark reality of dating demographics and the dating market place:

1. Men are intimidated by my education and career.

2. There’s a man out there for me and I just have to wait and prince charming will show up.

3. I’m happy being single so I refuse to “settle”.

The reason for such strong rationalizing is that hypergamy is hard-wired into a woman’s DNA. Men rightfully raise an enormous hew and cry about women’s dating and relationship choices. We want women to make the first move. We want them to be willing to date or marry “down”. Jon Birger talks about “mixed collar” relationships. This will actually happen but such relationships will be the rare exception.

The mixed-collar relations will receive a huge and massively disproportionate amount of media attention, much like the stay at home dad phenomenon. The reality will be that the majority of women will quietly accept their hypergamous fate by being part of a man’s soft harem or filling their time with enthusiasms or an active social life with other single women. What will not happen is the reduction of a woman’s pickiness. Sorry guys, women would rather be unfulfilled in their relationship goals than accept anything less than they feel they deserve. Their biological need for security – emotional, physical, and financial – prevents the eradication of hypergamy through social expectations. Social expectations simply can’t erase this through facts and shame. Women have too much emotional investment in their perception of their own desirability.

As has been pointed out in many of the dating demographic articles and essays, online dating completely distorts the dating market place for women. The wide “availability” of men doing online dating means that a woman can easily reject a guy because there’s another incoming message from sexually or relationally thirsty guy who’s cranking out the messages. What women ignore, however, is that only the most physically attractive women are getting the online attention. This is especially true for the over-40 female demographic. Women quietly drop out of the online dating marketplace when the men they desire aren’t messaging them or, worse, the messages the women send out to desirable men are simply ignored. It’s easier to stop trying than work on one’s self to be more attractive to men.

There is also a variation in dating demographics based on geography. Jon Birgen points this out in his book. New York City is a terrible place for college-educated, career-focused single women looking for a relationship. That also holds for here in South Florida. In Fort Lauderdale, for every 100 college-educated single men there are 171 college-educated single women. But out West, things are a better for single women. Birgen mentions Silicon Valley as a particular geography where there are more single, college-educated men. But would a woman move there to date nerds? I don’t see it. The lure of Manhattan or Fort Lauderdale is simply too great despite the shortage of suitable men.

With all this attention being focused on dating demographics, this question becomes very important: For college-educated, post-divorce singles, who is in charge of the dating market place, men or women? Demographically speaking for the large metropolitan areas, men are in charge. After all, men are the gatekeepers to commitment. We do the asking and the proposing. However, there is one huge caveat to this, it’s only the most attractive men who call the shots in the post-divorce dating market place. The majority of essentially invisible men aren’t in charge of anything related to dating, they are the leftovers for women, unworthy of even a “hello” and only worth a quick “no way!” when displayed as an online dating profile.

Hypergamy will continue to be the order of day for women and men must deal with it realistically. Hypergamy is the oxygen in the air of the dating market place. It frustrates, depresses, but ultimately motivates women. Without it, women wouldn’t constantly looking for the bigger, better deal in a man. For guys in the top 20% or the ones actively bettering themselves to become part of that 20%, hypergamy keeps women sexually and relationally active. Men must adapt or lose out of the dating and relationship game.

Video Podcast 6 – Bald & Evil

This blog post requires you to watch two YouTube videos. The first is from DarkAntics, a popular YouTuber who typically creates videos that cover cultural issues. In the 17 minute video below, he covers the problematic nature of a man being bald and how masculine baldness is stereotyped as evil. [Yes, I understand the irony and satire that he’s communicating, just work with me here, OK?]

Did you like that video? I particularly enjoyed the ending where DarkAntics embraces his evil based on the bald man stereotype. Like him, I embrace that negative bald stereotypes. In fact, I responded to that in my own video. Here it is [I’m getting some inconsistent video playback on my end but it might just be this computer. Regardless, the sound is all there]

So my weekend plans, storm notwithstanding, is to lay in some plans for world domination. I might enlist DarkAntics as a henchman plus any other bald guys who want to join me.

I give special thanks to Rollo Tomassi over at The Rational Male and Aaron Clarey of Captain Capitalism fame. Supporting them supports me.

[If you liked this video podcast in all its bald and evil glory, hit the Donate button on this page or support me via Patreon. Thanks!]



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