The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Dating Velocity

Knowing one’s relationship goals is a good thing. Men tend to be very goal oriented and work logically and rationally towards a particular goal. This also applies to when men decide to get back into the dating scene after divorce or when a relationship ends. However, men can find rushing towards those goals is not a good thing, even if supposedly rational and logical. It’s the leading cause of “oneitis” where men become desperate and then obsess about one particular woman. This stinks of desperation and is simply not attractive to women.

Most women are much more rational than most men at the initial meeting. For all of men’s complaints about screwed-up “chick logic”, it is men who can unconsciously fall into a very irrational pattern of behavior when they first meet a new woman who seriously interest them.

Most women are usually very careful about their dating efforts. What most men simply can’t understand, women are extremely and constantly concerned about security – physical, emotional, and financial. This is not gold-digging. This is wired into a woman’s DNA. Again, most men have no conception of this. Men and women are different, after all.

Because of the concern for security, women are less apt to rush forward during the dating process. Hence, it is the average, post-divorce man who too easily and unconsciously fall into a very irrational pattern of behavior when they first meet a new woman who seriously interests them.

Those women willing to rush forward are those to be very cautious of. A woman’s willingness to move ahead quickly into a relationship is a huge red flag. Such women are not emotionally stable. They are desperate, clingy, and quite possibly possessed of at least one personality disorder.

Even if the first few dates are full of attraction, chemistry, passion, a man should play it cool. He should resist the urge to increase the dating velocity so that he can be circumspect and not come across as desperate or needy. Many men make this mistake because they perceive themselves lower in the sexual/relationship market place.

There is a downside to this approach. It’s important that women who are single are always looking for a bigger, better deal even if they are a confirmed bachelorette. This means that during the initial dating process, a woman with whom you are seriously interested will swing to a new dating branch if it presents better opportunities. For women over a certain age, this means more security, especially if the guy has a small degree of charisma. There are two solutions for this:

1. “Spin plates”. This just means dating more than one woman concurrently. It’s facile of me to say this because I know that many men lack either the ability to provide some type of security or lack the necessary charisma. It’s important that a man provide either or hopefully, both. Charisma can be learned (it’s difficult, I know). Providing security is more problematic.

2. Avoid date venues where a woman’s hypergamous instincts are triggered. This includes bars, nightclubs, a concerts. As an aside, a concert is the second worst date idea. The first being dinner and a movie. Rather than a drink at the bar, a man should find an isolated table so he and his date can converse more intimately with a lowered risk of some middle-aged Lothario interfering. Better yet, a man should be perceived as that Lothario even if his relationship goal is to be in a committed relationship.

Dating 2.0 is not easy, I know this. It’s especially tough for post-divorce or post-relationship guys who have lost their dating charisma or even their social skills. It is my goal to help such men reach their relationship goals by navigating the difficult waters of Dating 2.0. This includes understanding how dating velocity works.

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15 thoughts on “Dating Velocity

  1. Pingback: Dating Velocity | Manosphere.com

  2. Concerts are a bad idea? Too bad, I enjoy going to the symphony. Plus, it’s a great opportunity to wear one of my tuxedos.

  3. Dash Riprock on said:

    Was going to post this comment on your post of a couple of days ago but its still relevant in light of paragraph two above. Outdoor dates are much better idea in my view than the standard dinner, movie, bar scene, etc. for all the reasons you cited above and several others. You listed fishing, let me add some others like hiking, canoeing, kayaking, etc. If you want you can always bring a picnic, just make sure you tell her to bring something dessert, wine, etc. Especially good if you if have a bit of obvious expertise in these areas but in any event outdoor exercise leads to hormonal release especially serotonin and dopamine. It also establishes your “brand” as a certain kind of man and sets you apart from the average fellow.

  4. Is it so hard for men to believe that women like men with options better than men without options? Why can’t you just say it that way?

    Granny Gamer told me, “A skirt’s like a bus. There’ll be a new one along in ten minutes.” Eschew Oneitis.

    Momma Gamer told me, “Play the field.” Maximize your options.

    These maxims are all about increasing your options.

    Options Field Report:

    I was at a new venue. Six different women asked me to dance last Sat. night–three were bangable, and two of those were experienced dancers who came with men (therefore allegedly taken) and the broads mooned at me as we danced. (Experienced dancers don’t usually moon at their leads–more of a beginner stunt.)

    • GeminiXcX on said:

      And. . . ???
      Your 6 interested females. . . no ‘later-that-night’ “success” story.

      Your powers are weak, my son. — lol.

      GrannyXcX

    • GeminiXcX on said:

      “Got layed twice the next day”

      Heh heh.

      Mrs Gamer treats you very well.
      I’m proud of you, boy.

      I only gave you three stars on your first comment, because I was slighty lost in a nice vision of your ‘mooning broads’. . . until you clarified what “mooning” was in that instance.

      If you’re going to play games by using double-meanings, I’ll use a line that everybody understands: Kiss my ass!

      GXcX

      • Son, Mrs. Gamer and I treat each other well. She got laid twice, too.

        [Moons GXcX]

      • Update:

        Last night I instigated minimally for Fun&Games. Not terribly horny. Mrs. Gamer was exhausted. No lay. This a.m. Mrs. Gamer woke up and went to do her pre-work ritual. I went to the basement to blog. She came down to see me later and inquired if I wanted today to be a one or two lay day. What does this mean? Mrs. Gamer was thinking about sex. She wondered how many lays I wanted. Mrs. Gamer was submissive. She wasn’t at all negative or foot-dragging. Quite eager, in fact. Mrs. Gamer was chasing me for sex!

        That’s my girl! That gives me energy! Other broads can’t hold a candle to Mrs. Gamer when she’s like this. (I randomly told Mrs. Gamer at a random time later that I was pleased with her. She wondered why and I was vague.) I’ll still keep up my skills at having options, because my having options contributed to the current felicity.

        I gave you five stars for Yuma.

  5. “Mooning” here means “stare fixedly”. They were also beaming smiles at me. Very unusual for experienced dancers to do this.

  6. Good points. You must spin plates, it is the best way to calibrate how you’d respond to a girl you actually dig. It will put a buffer on it and not cause you to go to escape velocity.

    Regarding concerts, bad idea if it’s the main part of your night, great idea if it is a smaller part. Great move to go out for drinks, slip into a concert right during the main act, and slide out before they are done to another venue.

  7. GeminiXcX on said:

    “Schizotypal personality disorder: characterized by odd behavior or thinking.” Red-pill men and women fit this criteria. “Odd”, according to whom?

    “Borderline personality disorder . . .”extreme “black and white” thinking”” — See # below.

    “instability in relationships, self-image, identity and behavior often leading to self-harm and impulsivity.” — See * below.

    *”Histrionic personality disorder: pervasive attention-seeking behavior including inappropriately seductive behavior and shallow or exaggerated emotions.” — This is almost every Western woman. I guess the APA doesn’t realize this criteria is a WW societal “norm”.

    “Narcissistic personality disorder: a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration. . . “extreme levels of jealousy and arrogance.”” — Sounds like “normal” SJWs, who are getting laws changed. It’s not a “disorder”, it’s an attitude problem; the cure for ‘NPD’ is a smack in the head.

    “Avoidant personality disorder: pervasive feelings of social inhibition. . . social interaction.” — Shyness.

    #”Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (not the same as obsessive-compulsive disorder):
    ‘characterized by rigid conformity to rules, moral codes and excessive orderliness'” — Fundamentalist religious people, like Dalrock’s crowd?

    The problem is that the DSM was written by Western nations*, and almost all mood and mental ‘disorders’ in that book came from input from people who had ties to pharmaceutical companies. The ‘disorders’ are thenvoted into publication of the next edition (some accepted/others not), or text revision.

    The “religion” of Scientology is bullshit, but the religion of Pychiatry is equally bullshit.

    *”against societal norms”. Western society is comprised mostly of “normal” people, yet this culture is destroying itself.

    These ‘disorders’ are just manifestations of PTSD from abuse, or manifestations of misplaced pride. The cure for these ‘disorders’ is Red-pill-style help for the first, and discipline for the latter.

    Also, remember that the American government invented the term “extremist”, which is anyone who doesn’t see the world through “normal” Western propaganda eyes.

    Defining anyone through the eyes of drug-company-backed white males is a slippery slope. Be careful with females, yes, but don’t use the DSM as any sort of scientific or reliable guide.

    Regards,

    -GXcX

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