The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Busy Social Life, Busy Intellectual Life

I continually exhort my male readers to be more social. Many of my blog posts are about the difficulty that post-divorce men have with their social lives, actually, their lack of a social lives. The response has been favorable because it’s very clear that having a social life is emotionally healthy. For the 400th time, human beings are social creatures.

Being intellectual is about critical thinking and subsequent research. It’s about the exploration of ideas such as history, science, psychology. It’s the vast universe outside of ourselves. It’s the opposite of solipsism. It’s also the opposite of emotional introversion. Men are particularly good at this. As for the subjects of a man’s intellectual life, that’s a subjective thing. Personally, I’m into American social history from WWII to the present. But if a guy is into astronomy, that’s just as cool.

A healthy intellectual life does not mean the monkish life of an idea-absorbed academic. Worse, being obsessed with a particular intellectual subject is unhealthy and can work against a good social life. A man’s intellectual life must be balanced with a healthy social life. Keeping in the theme of critical thinking, it’s vital that a man exposes himself (heh) to differing opinions and intellectual ideas. If guy is a Democrat, it’s good for him to hang with Republicans every now and again and NOT talk politics, just be social by making some chit chat and small talk. It won’t kill anyone. Bonus, it builds social confidence.

A healthy intellectual life must never be about tunnel vision or proselytizing. A man on a date trying to persuade the woman to a certain point of view can be a serious turnoff. He might come across as a blowhard, a terrible man to be. An intellectual blowhard is just as bad as a political blowhard. Real life sociability is not the general social nastiness the Internet. The atheists, Christians, and conspiracy guys need to seriously tone it down when out and about in meetspace.

Here’s the serious bonus of having a healthy intellectual life – women are attracted to smart guys. A guy with a well-spoken brain can make a dame swoon. It’s actually quite consistent, especially for women over a certain age. The key here is well-spoken. This is about backing up a healthy intellectual life with good communication and social skills. I do understand intellectual passion. I have it myself about the subjects I write about. But guys, don’t let your intellectual passions overwhelm you when you’re in social situations. It’s fine to allude to it or bring it up in passing. Just know that not everyone is fascinated if Pluto should be considered a planet or not.

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11 thoughts on “Busy Social Life, Busy Intellectual Life

  1. Pingback: Busy Social Life, Busy Intellectual Life | Manosphere.com

  2. Here’s the serious bonus of having a healthy intellectual life – women are attracted to smart guys. A guy with a well-spoken brain can make a dame swoon. It’s actually quite consistent, especially for women over a certain age. The key here is well-spoken. This is about backing up a healthy intellectual life with good communication and social skills.

    Let’s omit the blue pill, shall we?

    Women care about good communication and social skills, period. Women experience no tingles for dweebs–even dweebish intellectuals. If you have the kind of mind that can create a fantasy for a woman–that will generate tingles. Astronomy, not so much, unless you can take her on a ride to a fairyland in the stars. It needs to be at most on a high school level, for the most intellectual of females, lol.

    You can use history, too. “I’ve been to Italy and Greece. I’ve walked in Caesar’s footsteps and toured the harbor where Antony set sail for Egypt. Demosthenes thundered his orations in the very place where I stood and I was present where Solon delivered his laws in Athens.” Fantasy.

    None of this stuff is very intellectual–mostly it’s just creative storytelling.

    • feeriker on said:

      Women care about good communication and social skills, period. Women experience no tingles for dweebs–even dweebish intellectuals.

      Very true. Even more important to remember is that any woman who is your intellectual “equal” is likely to be a contentious, ball-busting harpy who constantly engages in a battle of one-upmanship with you. On the other hand, you also don’t want anything to do with a woman so shallow and dense that carrying on a conversation with her will leave you wishing you were undergoing major surgery without anasthetic as a less painful alternative. Finding the right balance and complement is essential – and the most difficult part.

  3. Just talk about baseball, military history and your large collection of action figures and you’ll be in like Flynn.

  4. I could not care less about what women think about my intellectual endevours anymore, I persue my interests for my own sake and share them with other men. I’ve found that unless you meet a woman engaged in the same activityas you, they’re rarely interested in discussing it unless you appear to be a good catch…then they morph to it like a Pod Person to draw you in.

  5. rugby11ljh on said:

    I enjoy uncomfortable environments they teach me a lot about myself.

  6. Women seem to like talking about boring pop culture crap as much as anything.

    I get off going all spergy on them discussing the book I’m writing about social dancing and sexual dynamics. Chicks seem to dig that topic as much as anything. Win-win.

  7. GeminiXcX on said:

    Translation:
    Read useful books; but if that’s all you do, you’re not particularly useful.

    Having knowledge is one thing, but approaching every interaction with a “Here I am, an intellectual!” attitude is likely to get you dismissed as a one-dimensional snob (and rightfully so).

    A powerful dynamic can even allow you to even use intellect at ‘just the right time’ so that women can see a “dweeb” in a whole new way; heh heh. ):-]

    -GXcX

    *1st attempt to post seems to have failed; hopefully this retry doesn’t suddenly produce two duplicates.

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