The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the day “July 7, 2015”

Busy Social Life, Busy Intellectual Life

I continually exhort my male readers to be more social. Many of my blog posts are about the difficulty that post-divorce men have with their social lives, actually, their lack of a social lives. The response has been favorable because it’s very clear that having a social life is emotionally healthy. For the 400th time, human beings are social creatures.

Being intellectual is about critical thinking and subsequent research. It’s about the exploration of ideas such as history, science, psychology. It’s the vast universe outside of ourselves. It’s the opposite of solipsism. It’s also the opposite of emotional introversion. Men are particularly good at this. As for the subjects of a man’s intellectual life, that’s a subjective thing. Personally, I’m into American social history from WWII to the present. But if a guy is into astronomy, that’s just as cool.

A healthy intellectual life does not mean the monkish life of an idea-absorbed academic. Worse, being obsessed with a particular intellectual subject is unhealthy and can work against a good social life. A man’s intellectual life must be balanced with a healthy social life. Keeping in the theme of critical thinking, it’s vital that a man exposes himself (heh) to differing opinions and intellectual ideas. If guy is a Democrat, it’s good for him to hang with Republicans every now and again and NOT talk politics, just be social by making some chit chat and small talk. It won’t kill anyone. Bonus, it builds social confidence.

A healthy intellectual life must never be about tunnel vision or proselytizing. A man on a date trying to persuade the woman to a certain point of view can be a serious turnoff. He might come across as a blowhard, a terrible man to be. An intellectual blowhard is just as bad as a political blowhard. Real life sociability is not the general social nastiness the Internet. The atheists, Christians, and conspiracy guys need to seriously tone it down when out and about in meetspace.

Here’s the serious bonus of having a healthy intellectual life – women are attracted to smart guys. A guy with a well-spoken brain can make a dame swoon. It’s actually quite consistent, especially for women over a certain age. The key here is well-spoken. This is about backing up a healthy intellectual life with good communication and social skills. I do understand intellectual passion. I have it myself about the subjects I write about. But guys, don’t let your intellectual passions overwhelm you when you’re in social situations. It’s fine to allude to it or bring it up in passing. Just know that not everyone is fascinated if Pluto should be considered a planet or not.

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