The Private Man

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Archive for the day “June 22, 2015”

A Man’s Adversity Is His Test For Women

As everyone knows, I’m dealing with a serious medical condition that’s ultimately fatal. Very recent changes to my health status have made things even more challenging. When I get the results from some medical tests, I’ll share here.

When I tell the women in my life about all this, I get some interesting responses. Most women simply don’t want hear my bad news. This doesn’t suprise me and nor does it bother me. As I have learned about human behavior I have also learned that women are mostly selfish. They want life to be about themselves. It’s a solipsistic point of view. A man facing serious stuff is a boat anchor on their lives.

Again, this doesn’t bother me. It’s my job to deal with the adversities that face me. But I’ve found it very illuminating regarding how the women in my life react to what I’m going through. The few who really care are incredibly sympathetic and supportive, even it’s beyond their comfort zone. These women really do care and it’s comforting to me. The rest… eh, they’ve made their motivations clear. Relationship material, they are not, even as friends.

There are two take-aways from my unique experiences:

1. Men should shut the hell up about their adversities when talking to women even if those women claim to be friends. Yes, this is cold and tough advice. However, there is a caveat here. If a man has faced an adversity and overcome it, he can bring it up. He shouldn’t make a huge deal of it. Rather, it should be a subject mentioned in passing.

2. If a woman is not emotionally invested in you, she will not care about your adversities unless you’ve overcome those adversities. She only wants to be entertained by you or that you are generous with her. Without that emotional investment, she will completely eschew your travails because, fundamentally, it’s all about her, solipsism 101.

As I’m over a certain age, I have gained insight into women also of a certain age. Many times I’ve read about the complaints from single women regarding men – “All they [men] want is simply a nurse or a purse”. That’s honest and understandable. On the flip side, men simply want youth and beauty, regardless of the men’s age or health. But he must have something to offer just as the women must have something to offer.

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