The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

What Does She Offer?

Through the miracle of Twitter, I was linked to this article:

Here’s the full transcript. My comments are at the bottom

For many single women over 50, the idea of dating creates angst, frustration, and confusion. But as a dating coach for women, I’m here to tell you, “Please don’t fret!”

The truth is— those 20-something gals have nothing on you when it comes to dating prowess. Surprised to hear me say that? Don’t be! Here’s five pretty fantastic reasons why dating over 50 is actually light years better than in your 20s.
So, let go of those false notions that you’re behind the game in any way. Ladies, it’s time to enjoy the dating process and realize that your love destiny is as bright and beautiful as you are. And knowing that makes all the difference because, as you can imagine, your outlook on men and dating is a huge factor in your experience and results.

Here are the five reasons dating over 50 is where it’s at:

1. At 50, you know who you are.

Today, you approach dating with a wealth of life knowledge. You no longer wonder who you are, as you might have in your 20s. Stop and take note of this and give yourself a chance to feel empowered by it.

According to WebMD, women over 50 feel more self-assured, know what they like (and don’t like), and trust themselves more. That’s the benefit of life experience—greater confidence. No, this doesn’t mean you have it all figured out, but you’ve been there and done that so you can now be yourself and enjoy.

Did you feel that way at 22? I doubt it. Back then you were still “finding yourself”, endlessly comparing yourself to others and worrying about what people thought. Confidence was hard to come by. You had to try things to discover your preferences, which meant you probably learned some hard lessons.

The benefits of this experience a 50 are remarkable. Now, apply that wonderful life knowledge and confidence to dating! You know what you like about men and relationships, and what you don’t. Let that be your guide as you start meeting men and dating.

2. You have no desire to start a family.

So much freedom comes with no longer hearing the tick-tock of your biological clock. You’re past having kids, and if you do have children, they’re older and need less of your time.

In your 20s you were looking for a man you could start a family with. Your criteria for a mate was much different, seeking a guy who could be a good provider and father. Later in your 20s, the clock ticked louder, which put pressure on you to make choices in partners that maybe weren’t the best.

Now you are either free from most child-rearing duties, or completely finished. Congratulations! Fighting with a potential partner about parenting approaches is not an issue any longer. And you don’t need a pick a man based on his potential as a father. In truth, many women in their 50s no longer need a man to act as a provider either because they are financially independent.

This means, now you can focus on having fun! You have the freedom to choose a man because he knows how to enjoy life and is ready to share that with you. Sounds good, right?

3. You have relationship experience.

Reaching your 50s, you’ve been married or you’ve been in relationships, so you’ve acquired the communication skills to handle issues that crop up (you’re also mature enough to know issues DO crop up as part of healthy, normal relationships). Now, you’re no longer afraid to speak up because you’ve seen things can and do work out. Calm conversations, logical thinking, and giving each other a chance to express concerns leads to working through problems successfully.

Remember your first fight with a boyfriend in your 20s? That was an insane amount of drama! You made mistakes, said the wrong thing, stormed out of the room, and worse. You had little knowledge of how to discuss a situation calmly, make your point fairly, or compromise.

When dating over 50, you know what type of behavior is unacceptable, how to resolve problems, and when it’s smart to compromise to get back to the pleasure of his company. That experience makes all the difference. Apply that wisdom to dating and finding love this time around. There’s no guarantee of perpetual bliss, but love is fabulous after 50.

4. You don’t need him to “put a ring on it.”

Many women over 50 married at least once, so you’ve likely already walked down the aisle and had the big wedding. Now, getting married isn’t such a pressing need. Many divorced people over 50 don’t want to marry again, even though they do want a long-term, committed relationship. You are free to choose.

Being family-minded in your 20s, marriage was vitally important. Your friends got engaged left and right and you started to feel out of the loop if you weren’t going in the same direction.

At 50, the pressure is off. You can “live together apart”, live together, or get married. This opens a world of options to connect with men. Of course, you can still choose to marry, but that’s entirely up to you. I’m not at all trying to dissuade you. But when you don’t marry, you avoid legal battles in the event things don’t work out and retain a measure of freedom in your relationship if you want that.

5. Men over 50 are more tender.

Not only have you improved with age, but so have the men. Dr. Joel Block—sex therapist and author of Sex Over 50—claims men over 50 are “more tender.” Apparently, as men age they get more comfortable with intimacy and can become nurturing. As people age they grow wiser and fine-tune their relationship skills.

Back in your 20s, do you remember men being nurturing, tender, or wise about women and their needs? Well, maybe a few were, but for the most part—both genders are just muddling their way through the confusing maze of dating and relationships.

So, you see, ladies—the chances of finding a man who understands you are better than ever over 50.

You can meet a man who is more caring and wants to make love work … without stressing about finding a provider, rushing to the altar, or getting pregnant. You know yourself and what works for you. This is ideal for dating and finding love after 50.

But you must make yourself available so the right guy can find you!

Trouble is, men can’t find you unless you put yourself out there. It’s time to socialize, get online, and have friends and family fix you up. Learn about how dating works today and then move forward with confidence, because honey, you are still a great catch and there’s a man out there who will be so lucky to find you.

Are you a single woman over 40 who is ready to start dating or dating but not meeting the right men? Get the proven dating advice you need from a dating coach who specializes in helping women over 40 with loads of success stories. Download my free book: [Redacted] so you can avoid heartbreaking missteps on your way to finding the magic of love.

The author of this article clearly has something to sell, and when dealing with dating coaches for the post-divorce crowd, always follow the money. It matters little if their information is true and accurate – if they can make a few thousand bucks giving out advice, then it’s considered a success. For women, this article is feel-good pablum. Actually, it is criminally bad feel-good pablum.

A post-50, post-divorce woman must bring something to the relationship table that a man wants. If she’s not prepared for that, then she is not ready for dating. Here’s the reality: A 50-something Prince Charming is dating 30-somethings and the sooner a 50-something woman realizes that’s her competition, the sooner she’ll be successful in realizing her relationship goals. She can loudly and proudly (“I’ll never settle!”) take herself out of the dating market, that’s her option. Attractive men do what they want with whom they want no matter how a 50-something woman “feels”.


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26 thoughts on “What Does She Offer?

  1. honeycomb on said:

    Dalrock has some good numbers and charts reguarding 30-40-50 year old women and their chances whether previously married or not.

    As the average age of women increases before marriage you have more women crossing the threshold of 30 prior to marriage than the generation before. The churn rate alone is enough to cuase a shortage of men as they age. The men can take their pick of younger prospects.

    Add to that the increase in average age of marriage is also a negative churn also. With experience (i.e. watching men be raped by women in divorce) causes a man with any sense to not wish marriage on his worst enemy. Thus a rational man will avoid the dangers marriage and the rape that follows. Problem solved.

    The chance express for th wimminz is the player. Gotta love that match-up if you ask me.

    So ladies errrr care’oh’cell riders please don’t feel hanging out in the wind by the feminists. No it’s not their fault you so easily gave up your most productive years (at finding a husband) to only be spit out by your younger version years later. Oh the indignity and dis-respect .. just favors returned that you did to the generation before.

    In the end, as a high means man, I salute you and your efforts to educate men on your true behavior. May you reap what you sow.

    Enjoy the cats!

  2. Dude, April 1st was almost 2 weeks ago. Are you trying to impress a not so young lady?

  3. honeycomb on said:

    As I mentioned .. the last chance express (sic) .. well it has arrived.

    I guess it’s gonna be harder to buy your cats any cat food when you are so busy throwing money at men in the hopes they might pay (pun intended) you some attention.

    Stay single my friends.

  4. “[Y]ou are still a great catch….”


    No. Most of you are awful catches. You’re entitled, inconsiderate, and hard (“confident!”). You’re friendly to feminism, and hostile to femininity. You’re just unattractive, in the broadest sense.

    I’m sorry, you didn’t know any better, but most of you have blown your chance for commitment from a good man of similar age.

  5. Johnny on said:

    For many single women over 50, the idea of dating creates angst, frustration, and confusion.

    The truth is— those 20-something gals have nothing on you when it comes to dating prowess.

    50-somethings are right to have such feelings–if they had such prowess, they’d be married and watching their grandkids frolick as they please.

    Nothing like some woman-shaming from passed prime women to attempt to give the 50s crowd some delusions…

  6. “This means, now you can focus on having fun! You have the freedom to choose a man because he knows how to enjoy life and is ready to share that with you. Sounds good, right?”

    Question: What does she bring to the relationship? If the man is still the provider and she is NOT able to reproduce, she just has to bring her sparkling personality to the table? She just has to sit there and be entertained and judge his ability to amuse her? Spend his resources, for what?

    • feeriker on said:


      Question: What does she bring to the relationship? If the man is still the provider and she is NOT able to reproduce, she just has to bring her sparkling personality to the table? She just has to sit there and be entertained and judge his ability to amuse her? Spend his resources, for what?

      I await the day when a man very publicly presents to one of these pathetic, washed-up creatures a formal contract/modified pre-nup that essentially says “since you are demanding that I commit my time, self, and resources to you in return for nothing of tangible lasting value, I offer you the consideration of my life, protection, and resources in exchange for the following consideration from you: you shall, immediately upon demand, provide me with sex, in the manner, time, place, and duration of my choosing, without hesitation or argument – NO EXCEPTIONS (being “post-menopausal” will in no way be considered acceptable grounds for refusal). Furthermore, you shall perform those domestic chores traditionally undertaken by a wife within our common residence and to my satisfaction – again, NO EXCEPTIONS OR EXCUSES. Refusal to abide by these terms shall be regarded as breach of civil contract and shall result in immediate termination of this agreement, along with any benefits promisef or provided therein.”

      Given that the relationship balance favors the man in terms of numbers alone, I cannot imagine that a truly desparate over-50 hag who craves the attention of (and provision by) a man would have any serious issues with this, especially if she’s looking for a man her own age or younger.

  7. Women believe at all ages that they can still ensnare a Prince Mr. Right Charming. The hamster can spin any scenario, including ugly-old-woman, into “I deserve to be treated like a Princess while having sex with a bad boy”.

  8. The Private Man blog is my guilty pleasure. It makes me laugh even when I know it isn’t meant to. So thank you. I guess I must find grumpy men endearing 😉

    I know that men are looking for younger women, as I was the 30 year old dating an older man. I am now 44 and have had 25 years of men telling me I’m beautiful, so I won’t feel too sorry for myself when the compliments stop.

    I was recently at a social event and a man, a stranger, turned to me at a bar and said ‘You have the most amazing breasts.’ I could tell as soon as he said it, it was something he had meant to think and not say out aloud. I smiled, said ‘thank you,’ he laughed with relief, and then I turned back to my friend to continue our conversation. My friend said she couldn’t believe I didn’t tell him off. I said are you joking, I’m in my forties and he’s just paid me a compliment and I’ll be the last thing he’ll think about before he goes to sleep tonight. (*note breasts are natural)

    I’m new to the on-line dating scene and the men’s profiles I tend to prefer and talk to are usually aged 50 to 55. What I found surprising is that I am often contacted by men in their early 20’s. I never realized until I read an article linked to the ‘private man’, is that this group of men are often ignored. Initially I thought they were men looking to scam women, but because I live in an area where everybody knows everybody, most are men with good jobs, looking for ethical non-monogamy romances. I’ve said no thank you so far, but it’s nice to know I have the option of a harem of 20 year old men, ha ha, so I am still thinking I am lucky to be a woman.

    Any profile, by a man or a woman that gives a list of dislikes, needs and wants without saying what they have to offer is a turn off to the opposite sex. You need to remember you are selling yourself. Ultimately I presume that what we all want is somebody we fancy, who we’d like to be intimate with, and who is good company. Well that’s my tick list.

    I thought the article about why dating over 50 was useless advice to women. I could write better myself, but wouldn’t want to give my secrets away to the competition. You are not going to find happiness if you view the opposite sex as the enemy. My comment is just as equally aimed at women too. I think we should all be a little kinder to each other.

    Kisses to the Grumpy Men Community Comments and especially to the Privateman himself x

    • jm:

      There are a lot of women like you, really. You’re a few years into middle age, and you still have a good deal of your physical attractiveness. You’re probably either divorced with at least one teenage kid, or never married with an awesome career. You have enjoyed male attention your entire life. That’s slowing down a little, but not much.

      In truth, jm, for the men who will be expressing interest in you at this stage in your life, the only thing of any real value you bring is your physical appeal — your body. Young men approach you because they believe you’re cougaring, and you might be an easy mark for sex. If one of those younger men is physically attractive enough, he’ll do for a night or three of fun sex. Because of his youth, he’ll have a much higher sex drive and be able to have sex two or three times a night. And because of his physical attractiveness and his vigor, he’ll remind you of your younger days when you at the zenith of your physical attractiveness and thus, your power. That young stud will answer for you in the affirmative the age old questions you and all women are broadcasting, which are:

      “Am I beautiful? Am I desirable? Have I still got it? Can I still command the attentions of a sufficiently attractive man so as to validate my existence?”

      And then, when he is done and you are done, the young man will vanish, and you’ll be right back where you were.

      For the older men, it’s much the same thing. The only thing you bring of any real value is your body, your physical appeal. Most older men cannot attract younger women, or any other women, really. Second, if you really are as you describe, then you literally blow away your competition, as most unmarried mid-40s women aren’t really all that attractive.

      And most older men who will be “in your league” so to speak will be able to date not only you, but also younger women who are much more attractive than you are. Certainly, those men will wish to enjoy your company in public. You’ll be on his arm at dinners, events, and functions. You’ll be expected to look good, to perform, to smile and nod your head. You’ll be put on display as a trophy. You’re an accessory, a prop, and those men will treat you as such.

      As for sex, it needs to be on offer right away to those men if you’re to have any chance of staying with one. In order to compete with the other women these men will also have access to (which includes both younger, hotter women; and women of your age who aren’t as attractive), you have to bring sexuality and sex appeal in spades. You have to offer sex sooner, with more gusto, and with more technique and knowhow.

      And you will be gone the minute you start hassling those attractive men for much of anything. You start demanding commitment? Gone. You want more time than he’s willing to give? Gone. You want more expensive dinners and dates? Gone. You complain about the way he treated you? Gone. He’ll just get another one.

      That really doesn’t sound so great to me. I sure wouldn’t want that for my daughter.

    • xxxxxxxxxxxxx on said:

      A couple of takeaways here :
      1) You should realise, at your age, that men throw out compliments like confetti. They throw it out hoping for a bite, and sadly it works so well with so so many women who are so eager to swallow these compliments hook, line and sinker.
      2) It is not what a man says that counts, but his actions. Heck, this applies to women and the rest of humanity as well.
      3) OK, so you are approached by many young men. So what ? So have I, and I am 48 years old ! Again, men at age who need cheap or free sex are not very discriminating. You may feel flattered that they propositioned you, but then they would go on to proposition many other women as well, many of whom you would not consider as “attractive” as your good self.
      4) These propositions don’t mean anything to many men. I have had a young man hit on me, and then totally forget that he did this, only to hit on me again the following week, using exactly the same lines and approach as if we hadn’t met before !

  9. “A post-50, post-divorce woman must bring something to the relationship table that a man wants. If she’s not prepared for that, then she is not ready for dating. Here’s the reality: A 50-something Prince Charming is dating 30-somethings and the sooner a 50-something woman realizes that’s her competition, the sooner she’ll be successful in realizing her relationship goals. She can loudly and proudly (“I’ll never settle!”) take herself out of the dating market, that’s her option.”

    I don’t think that withdrawing from the market is her ONLY option. Most of these women who really want to remarry probably can do it. But, her options probably will not include The Most Interesting Man In The World, Sean Connery and Bruce Willis. It will be a man of low to middling value, like she is. He’ll be divorced with heavy financial obligations to kids from a prior marriage. His finances will be a mess, like hers are. He will have at least one or two chronic medical conditions, like she does.

  10. Menopausing women: hot flashes, low libido, cray-cray. Oh boy, sign me up!

  11. Aww Delti you made me smile. I am from Europe so I am thinking that you do not understand what women want. I am happy and of sweet nature, and a hot girl.


    • I think I understand what women want and what motivates them at different times in their lives. I understand the North American sexual marketplace and marriage marketplace pretty well, through a lot of reading and through my experience. Your being from Europe doesn’t have anything to do with any of this, unless you are talking about the European SMP and MMP.

      • feeriker on said:

        Your being from Europe doesn’t have anything to do with any of this, unless you are talking about the European SMP and MMP.

        The (western) European SMP for middle-aged women differs in no significant way from the North American one.

        Simply stated, jm is full of it.

  12. Dear Deti,

    You are so funny. I may enlighten you about Europe another day. Thanks for making me smile before I go to bed. x

  13. GattoGrigio on said:

    Re the jm manifesto:


    PM & Deti present females with facts: e.g. I’ve been to Meet-ups in my age group (50+) & it’s usually about 5:1 females:males and often much higher.

    The response from (a certain type of woman) is so bloody predictable!

    “Don’t confuse me with facts, my mind is made up and anyway the facts don’t apply to ME!” Proof: someone said I have good tits and I have no trouble getting screwed by younger men.

    Followed by ad hominem attacks varying in intensity from savage ( small dick; can’t get laid), to derisive (losers), to mildly condescending (funny grumpy old men).

    jm, I’ve encountered femmes of your ilk & once I look thru the glitz & see the ugly narcissism, I walk. BTW, young men have been sometimes known to screw logs and tits are like pizzas; it’s been ages since I had a BAD pizza.

    Bella, mi dispiace but after reading your comments, I was left unbalanced and had to do some motorcycle maintenance (oil change on my venerable R100RS) to regain my state of Zen.

  14. I LOVE MEN of all ages, all heights, all sizes and all levels of education. I simply love men.

    My last partner was 20 years older than me. We met when I was in my twenties and we were together 15 years until he passed away. We were very happy and I have no regrets. He asked me to marry him but I explained that it wasn’t for me. He always introduced me as his wife, I never corrected him, it just made me smile.

    I didn’t gain financially from the relationship, I have my own money and good job. I helped bring up his children as their mum passed away when they were little. It was myself that ensured his money and home went to the children as I wanted a good relationship with them. I do know my friends husbands have commented that this is rare.

    I wouldn’t describe myself as a career woman. I work for as little hours as I can for the most money I can. I guess I’m lucky I’m smart and can do that. My mantra is to live life in the pursuit of fun, happiness and pleasure, but without causing harm to anybody else.

    I LOVE SEX. The concept of ‘waiting’ is completely alien to me. I have no idea of exactly what people are waiting for. I slept with my past partner on our second date simply because I wanted him. My partner before that, I did the same and I was with him for 5 years. If a man thinks less of me for that I don’t mind, each to their own opinion, but I’m always going to dance to my own tune.

    I have never uttered the words I’m not in the mood. So I am completely powerless to use sex as a bargaining tool. My friends who make men wait for sex have slept with far more men than I have, and I mean a lot more. Interestingly I’m the only one that has always been faithful to my partners in my circle of friends.

    When I was 20 I once had a man refuse to have sex with me. We had known each other for a year, but were on our second date. Ha ha, infamous second date. He said no, lets wait. I took a taxi home. Yes I did feel humiliated. I’m laughing as I write this as I really felt he led me on.

    Later in the week he tried to see me again and I said no. He was puzzled, and I told him it was because he had rejected me. He explained that he had wanted to wait because he really liked me and wanted me to be his girlfriend.

    If he was religious or that was how he treated all his girls that would have been fine, but he had a history of one night stands. I never saw him again. So yes it does happen to women too, but it doesn’t make me love men any less or want them ‘to reap what they sow’ a comment that is constantly rehashed here. It’s just life.

    I only tell my story because you all like to think you know it.

    I believe in equality, which to me means treating all women AND MEN with equal value and respect.

    Yes I’ve been lucky in the looks department and I look younger than I am but I don’t think I’m any more special or of any more value than the next person.

    At the moment men of all ages are wanting to date me. I’m not deluded and don’t expect my run of luck to last forever. Therefore I am very grateful for being given the knowledge of the pool of early 20 year old men that not many women are tapping into. If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

    I think I should spread the word to women to go forth and make lemonade, ha,ha.

    Maybe then we won’t have the next generation of men feeling angry and obsessed that men must have it better than women later in life.

    I still love love men and cherish them. Yes I do need a man, because I want one, because most of them are decent and fun to be around.

    At least we do agree on one thing, about you being unbalanced. So I’m more than happy for you to walk past me and ‘my ugly narcissism,’ as you state. I don’t think you would notice a nice girl if she came and sat on your face.

    This is my last comment here as I can see I’m wasting my time.

    Mm… I think I’m going to take a gap year and make lemonade.

    A l’annee prochaine

    Au revoir


    P.s. thanks for reminding me I need to check the oil in my car x

  15. This is going to be crass and blunt and direct and to the point. But it needs to be said.

    Women who are over 40, never married or divorced, and “going back on the market” — your value is pretty much only as a sex partner.

    These women aren’t going to have children. They aren’t being sought out as potential mothers. They have aged out of that, or have already had their children.

    A lot of the men who these women are interested in are not looking for “helpmeets” or second wives. The men who these women want are attractive, high value men with options and resources. These men don’t want marriage or remarriage. They don’t want or need housewives. They might want an LTR, but only if she brings a lot of high value other than sex.

    Mostly, these men want fast, easy sex. Women over 40 who have retained their looks will fit the bill just fine.

    Are these women looking to remarry? Really ? I don’t think so. Most of these women are not interested in the men who are willing to marry them.

    Anyone who doubts me should go read Evan Marc Katz’ blog. He advises women 35 and older, most of whom are never married carouselers, on how to find men for LTRs and marriages. He has an enormous following — and it’s funny. These women never can get what they say they want, which is marriage. But they talk over and over again about good looking attractive men who want sex but won’t commit.

    Sorry to say it, but for a woman over 40 who is “back on the market” — her value lies in sexual access to her body, and little else.

    • honeycomb on said:

      Deti .. I almost think the EMK crowd want a man just like him. It’s laughable really.

      I do wonder what will happen when all these women turn on him and his snake oil wisdom.

  16. Jughaid on said:

    I think that the European SMP and MMP is different from the North American [X]MP. Side pieces, flings, even long term mistresses and paramours are much more accepted and less problematic.

    A well-turned woman of 45 could aspire to marry an all-systems-go French, Swiss, German,or Belgian BullAlpha as long as she was gracious, a good hostess, well-connected, and most importantly, willing to overlook his indiscretions. In return, she’d be allowed a high social status and, if she were very, very discreet, her own stable of toyboys.

    It probably works better than our system, and it certainly affords a longer sexual lifetime for women.

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