The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Never Go Shopping With Her, It’s a Shit Test

Shopping is all about the estrogen. During my first marital administration, I remember too many trips to the mall where my ex happily tried on shoes and outfits for hours (and hours and hours) on end. I was left holding the bag, her handbag. I went along with it, not knowing that every hour spent this way was another stone chip away in the creation of the divorce sculpture. She called it “retail therapy”. Note to guys, any woman who uses that phrase is a woman not worthy of your affections. You’re welcome.

If the woman of your affection wants to shop with you, say no. Always. Shopping is a time suck for men. It’s a way for women to beat you about the head and neck with a mindless and stupid activity that emasculates you. A mall is the antithesis to testosterone. It is a place where men go to quietly die. The only reason for a man to go a mall is to meet women, on his own. If he’s there with a woman, his balls shrivel up. Sadly, the women know this. Shopping is a shit test, one of the worst.

What makes shopping an even more terrible thing is at the check out counter. She might very well expect the man to take out his own credit card to pay for the trinkets, baubles, and shoes (flats?!) that she has selected for purchase. Worse, she has picked out prudish outfits that do nothing to accentuate her figure. You’re expected to pay for a pathetically ugly cardigan that she will wear on future dates with you? #Facepalm.

There are three cures for the shopping shit test:

1. Don’t go shopping with her. Ever. It can be that easy. Just say no. She’s going to buy stuff you don’t like. Why are you involved with that?

2. Go shopping for you with her in tow. That’s frame control. You’ve got to buy some new dress shirts or a new suit. She can come in handy for an opinion in this regard. Note, you’re not going to any store where she can get something.

3. Only go to stores to find shoes, outfits, and baubles that heighten her sexuality. That pathetic cardigan she wants YOU to buy for her? Nah. You’ll offer to pay for a stripper-like top that accentuates her figure. If it’s your money, you make the rules.

For women, shopping is a legitimate enthusiasm. I understand that. But that doesn’t mean I have to go along with that. Nor should any other man.

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23 thoughts on “Never Go Shopping With Her, It’s a Shit Test

  1. Atlanta Man on said:

    Truth.Every word.

  2. I will typically agree with what you say, PM, but this is one of those instances I’ll instead shake my head in a half-bemused/half-saddened manner.

    Bemused because it’s so different from my own life experiences of having a relaxing hour with my FwB.

    Saddened because I have no doubt there are actually women who turn a simple hour of shopping into a 4+ hour shit test. Hopefully every guy here will follow your advice, and avoid women like this.

  3. Trying to shop with men is just a frustrating experience. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to do it, lol.

    One exception. Garage sales. I don’t know if it’s because of the low prices, the haggling aspect, or if something in the hunting instinct gets triggered, but I’ve never met a man yet who passed on checking out a garage sale.

    • JV,

      Why is shopping with men frustrating? I prefer it greatly. We (my friends or lover + myself) know what we want, we know what we’re willing to spend, we go find it…buy it…leave. It’s so much simpler than when I had female friends and we couldn’t pass bye a single Godsdamned clothing/shoe store without stopping in.

      A task that should have taken 30 minutes usually ended up taking 5 hours! There were even times when we (female friends + myself) missed dinner appointments and movies because “Oh, we’re shopping now. This is better than doing X, Y, or Z.”
      It’s so confusing…why spend so much time trying on clothes or shoes when you already know what size you are and can just go in and purchase it? Then there’s more time for fun activities or relaxing at home. šŸ˜•

      • There’s a few reasons that I find it frustrating. I have a pretty good idea of what I want and how much it’s going to cost when I shop. But, that doesn’t always mean that the item is out there front and centre. Men have no patience in the time needed to locate the item. (And really, sometimes this will only take a few minutes.) Second, I shop for things ahead of time. I’ll search for off season items for special occasions. Christmas shopping means hitting or searching for sale items year round. This is a hold over from my early married years. I was 17 when I got married and my ex was a couple of years older. Purchases were a lot easier on the budget when they were spread out and on sale. Sometimes that required searching for items not advertised.

        Third, there is no such thing as running in and getting an outfit for my body type. Vanity sizing aside, a suit jacket can be a size 12 and a skirt a size 4. Shopping requires finding something that is close enough, and then off to get items altered .

  4. As regards point 2. A man goes into a tailors looking for some shirts and a couple of ties. He is accompanied by his wife. He quickly finds his size of shirt (collar and sleeve length, this is Jermyn Street) and select two in each colour. Passing by the ties, he looks quickly and takes two. He asks his wife about the choice. She makes a face, takes the shirts, spends a while with the ties and comes back with two much better ones. Her husband thanks her and goes to the counter.

    The assistant starts to pack everything and then says “Just one thing, sir. If I may make a suggestion about the ties?”, steps away quickly and comes back with two different ties.

    “Might I suggest these sir?” The man looks at the ties, which are better than those he choose, but not as good as his wife’s choice.

    “What’s wrong with the ones my wife choose?” he asks the assistant.

    “Absolutely nothing sir. Your wife has a very good eye and excellent taste.”

    The man looks a little puzzled. “Why would I want these other ties then?”

    The assistant looks at his customer and says firmly but calmly. “Because sir, one does not wish to look as if one has been dressed by one’s wife.”

  5. The mall environment can also be highly stressful to certain types of person and these personality types seem to be more common in men than in women. So I suspect that a number of men will actually feel stressed, drained and physically sick after a trip to your typical shopping mall. Which is natural coming back from a loud, crowded, overly conditioned, weird-smelling, brightly lit place. I’m socked at how many people enjoy them.

  6. Jorma Talas on said:

    Glad to see that you’re back in cracking form again Private Man.
    Never ever allow a woman to to take you shopping (i.e. hijack you).
    Lingerie shopping can also be a shit test. Show her her unabashedly what you like, and expect her to go and buy and wear what motivates your attraction.
    Never take a woman shopping for out clothes. It’s one of our domains. A man knows what is good for him (and if you’re not sure, consult one that you respect). A sharply dressed man who is confident with his outfit will moisten her nether regions in the vaginerata.

    • I may have an illness, but my ideas won’t die.

      • Married Man on said:

        Oh, and mighty fine to see a posting again from you that doesn’t have any medical stuff in it.

      • Thanks. As for my hiatus from blogging last autumn and my serious return in February of this year? Yup, there was a woman involved! #facepalm

    • “Vaginerata”?
      šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚
      I’m stealing that “word” for random future use. Lol.

      Seriously though, men are far hotter when out of their clothing. A nice outfit is fine and dandy, but men’s clothes are horribly loose and not at all form fitting 99% of the time. Makes it quite difficult to check random menfolk (or my lover) out. šŸ˜¦

    • Married Man on said:

      When I shop for clothing I shop like a man. Enter the store, find the shirts or trousers or what have you, find the size, try on the garment(s) if appropriate (because sizes don’t mean as much as they used to) pay and leave. Another job done, someone else will wash the garments. Seeing men trudging along behind their “better half” like native bearers on some interminable safari is a pitiable thing to behold. I refuse to participate in that particular ritual.

      However, sometimes such as while traveling en famille, it may be necessary to allow teenagers and/or others to go wander off into the bushes in search of that special berry, i.e. “shopping”. There is no need to accompany them. Find a chain bookstore with a Starbucks inside, or find a coffee house, or better still a bar. Imbibe caffeine or a beer as you prefer, while they check in from time to time via text. Observe the scene, playing the game of “red pill / blue pill?” to pass the time. In the case of teenaged girls, insist that any clothing you deem inappropriate will not leave the building, and the embarassment of having it returned to the store for a refund will be their problem, not yours. There should be no need to make such a statement if the teenaged girl(s) shop with your wife, she should already know this.

      If young men are involved, related or not, do not allow them to be dragged along by the females, insist that they remain with you. Young men should learn how to converse in a civilized fashion anyway – put that phone away, please.

      Lingerie shopping can also be a shit test. Show her her unabashedly what you like, and expect her to go and buy and wear what motivates your attraction.

      Well, that rather depends on the store, the woman, and your frame. Too many men fear the lingerie store, I choose to embrace the reality. Chat up the salesgirls, don’t hide from them. Be sure you know your woman’s measurements, and what colors you like to see on her.

      Some lingerie stores have at least some limited provision for her to be trying things on. Sitting in a comfy chair outside the changing booth is a very different thing from dragging bags around following her heeltaps. It establishes a sound frame, “Well, let me see it on you — hmm…” always regard that chair as your throne. This can be reinforced if you are chatting up the salesgirl when your woman comes out to show off – preselection works multiple ways, and even in established relationships it is a factor.

      You can even scout a store on your own, then return with her “Just come along and try some things on for me”. If she is the shy type, or easily gets skittish, then choose a time with few to no other customers, have her stay close and gently insist “Just look at me. No one else is here besides you and me” to establish some isolation and reinforce pair bonding.

      Yes, once your tastes have been established clearly, then she should be able to seek out and find appropriate lingerie. More importantly, she should want to do so. But one can accompany her to a lingerie store and retain full testicular fortitude without difficulty provided frame is established

  7. Apologies Private Man. The grammar was appalling – please edit ……Foi o vinho….

  8. Doubter on said:

    Wow PM, never thought about it like that.

    Flashback to those countless hours at the mall with the wife, making recommendations that were summarily ignored, and pulling out my credit card at the counter.

    And, yes, I’m now divorced. Her idea.

  9. Just Saying on said:

    If you want to have such things work in your favor, go – but look for the more attractive, younger women to chat up, and pick up if all goes well. Long ago I had a woman “just stop for a few minutes while we’re in the area” to look at clothing. When she saw me getting a young woman’s phone number, which I made sure to put in a safe place, that was the end of ever stopping at such places. After that – she would guard me and never “make it easy for the competition”. šŸ™‚ That was her words – but it solved the problem, and worked to my benefit. That particular young woman was quite the fire-cracker, and it made that particular woman MUCH more pliable and willing to try whatever I wanted. But YMMV…

  10. Hmm. I feel it would be annoying to try to take my boyfriend shopping for my clothes, as he wouldn’t understand fashion anyway. So we only go to the mall to buy stuff we both understand – practical house stuff, computer stuff, food. Although we went shirt-shopping for his birthday once.

    But really, clothes shopping can be a pain. Even with another woman. It takes time, you get too hot, your legs get tired, you take too long to choose and disagree about everything. I find doing it alone is actually best.

    Btw, good idea about going shopping for sexuality-related products. Lol šŸ™‚

  11. BroccoliSoupTown on said:

    So it’s more about keeping dominance and control over a woman than about window shopping/shopping for fun being a useless or unmasculine activity? I have quite a few friends who spend hours poking around Best Buy, appliance stores, or Auto Zone without ever buying anything. Since I’ve gotten more into minimalism, it’s been harder to tell a man dragging his bored wife to look at phones and tablets from a wife dragging her husband around looking at shoes. Seems like they’re two sides of the same consumerist coin.

  12. Wow, with modern American women, I usually take them shopping. Women these days have appalling taste in clothing. And I’m not buying them stripper clothes, I don’t really want to be seen with someone who looks like a slut. I prefer clothes that are far more modest than average, but still show off their figure. Clothes that won’t make me feel over dressed when wearing a tux (I have 2). Or even ones that match my level of style when I’m wearing slacks and a sportcoat.

    Ok, I do live in a militantly casual city. I have to dress down a bit to not look totally out of place at work.

  13. I’ve found this can go both ways. If my girlfriend just asks me to go shopping with her, I say no. If she says something like “I need new pants, would you come with me?”, it generally means she wants to know if I find the things she’s trying on sexy. In those cases, we stick to stores where I can look for things for myself as well (no stores that only sell women’s clothes), and it generally turns out well.

    But in the latter case, I’m never holding her bag, I’m never standing around just waiting on her, and if she takes long enough that I may have to start waiting on her, I just go to another store and she can catch up.

  14. Married Man on said:

    Missed this the first time through:

    I was left holding the bag, her handbag

    That is such a shit test. And we get brainwashed to be NiceGuyz & help the li’l woman. If I were back on the market again and a woman tried that, I might agree & amplify, I might just laugh out loud, but no way I’d be her handbag hanger.

    Just Say No.

  15. I knew there was something inherently fucked about shopping with women, even as a blue pill drone. So much in fact that I abruptly stopped.

    Women never seem to what they want to purchase. Even when they make a list, they diverge from it! It’s like their purchases are strictly impulse. I can recall pissing away hours for just two to three items that had to be perfect.

    It is a test, no doubt it. When you shop with a woman you are no longer the confident leader that won her over. Instead, you become one of her “bff’s.”

    To hell with that noise…

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