The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

The Special Snowflake Phenomenon

One of the key concepts behind Manosphere and Red Pill wisdom is that human behavior – especially as it deals with attraction and courtship – is incredibly predictable. Fundamentally, there are no special snowflakes when it comes to the species that is homo sapiens. If I want a woman to be more attracted to me, I praise her uniqueness as an individual. If I want to drive her away, I describe her predictable nature as a woman. This has never failed me. Ever.

However, there is an additional irony. If you describe her predictable nature, she will try even harder to be unique so as to attract you. But mostly, all she has is her sexuality and that makes her even more predictable. #facepalm. However, if a woman understood that femininity is a total package, she could do very well in the courtship market.

So here’s my advice to men: During the attraction phase, ease up on the generalizations about the astounding predictability of women. After all, she’s a special snowflake. When she starts to get too comfortable and attempt the inevitable pull-back, gear up on the generalizations about women because she will work extra hard to be your special snowflake. If you think this is too much work, get a dog and shut the hell up about your problems with women. Oh, and get out of the house. I’m tired of reading of middle age women making the effort of being social and only a handful of men are attending those events.

This advice is not about being emotionally manipulative. This is about understanding basic human nature and using it to meet your relationship goals. She’s doing it too, she’s just completely and utterly unaware of what she’s doing or even why. A smart man simply must learn this inter-sex dynamic and use it to his advantage. To not do so is the sign of a weak, supplicating, and obsequious man. Women loathe that even more than the generalizations about universal feminine behavior.

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18 thoughts on “The Special Snowflake Phenomenon

  1. Good advice, but how can a man tell if she is attempting to “special snowflake” herself, or if she truly is not “like that”? Nobody should think they have to go out of their way to constantly jump through hoops to prove themselves X instead of Y, and it gets very annoying when people (men and women alike) have assumptions about you that are completely untrue.

    • “Good advice, but how can a man tell if she is attempting to “special snowflake” herself, or if she truly is not “like that”? ”

      Actions always speak louder than words.

      A rich man doesn’t need to tell you he’s rich – the ones who are “rich” on paper but drowning on debt are the ones bragging about it, whether it be verbally or by racing everybody in their BMW at every stoplight. Meanwhile, the guy who is truly rich goes to the Ferrari dealership in flip-flops, and when no one takes him seriously he surprises everyone by throwing down cash and driving out the door.

      Perhaps a bit extreme analogy, but same holds true here. The more a woman tells you FLAT OUT that she is “unique”, the less you know she is. If she was unique, she’d be telling you about how she researches recipes and tries them herself, instead of boring you with the latest Kardashian gossip. Instead of showing you her Instagram of selfies, she shows you a home made photo album.

      Of course every situation is different and there’s no one size fits all solution, but talk’s cheap.

      • Truth. Talk is absolutely cheap.

        When I asked this question, I was thinking of a date I’d had in high school where the topic of “how’d you spend your weekend” came up. I mentioned that it’d been a purposefully quiet weekend since I was broke, and he immediately latched onto this statement and teased me about going hogwild on buying shoes or some such crap. When I could get a word in edgewise, I replied that no, my money had actually been spent on my dog’s Lymes disease medication.

        He didn’t believe me, spent the rest of our meal out teasing me about being “just another girl without financial sense”, and still expected to go out the following night. I paid for my portion of the meal, said goodnight, and told him flat out that our one date was our last. No time for people who mock and degrade, especially if they are incorrect in the first place.

    • You will only see her true colors during the divorce.

  2. “…Oh, and get out of the house. I’m tired of reading of middle age women making the effort of being social and only a handful of men are attending those events.”

    What do these middle-aged women have to offer that men should find worthwhile? Where were these same women when they were young and hot, and I was also young and looking and making the effort of being social? I eventually realized how I was wasting my time “making the effort of being social”, so I decided to stop making that “effort of being social” and go do ‘my own thing’ of pursuing my own interests and enjoying my own hobbies. If the women didn’t find that interesting — T.S., I did…and still do.

    And if you’re tired of reading about them, may I suggest that you don’t let it bother you. I don’t; these middle-aged harpies had their chance, but they only wanted rich playboys or “exciting”, “romantic” ‘bad boy’ dirt bags, or they needed a “career, above all”, not a family.
    They got what they wanted; now let them die alone with their cats.

    • Your words do resonate with me, very much.

      I tried recently. I really did. But when my money ran out… well, you know.

      My anger is still subsiding. Thankfully, I know it will pass. It always does. I have family and friends who don’t care about my financial resources. They are there for me unconditionally. Yes, women must offer something that a man wants. Sex is the easy part. What of kindness? What of femininity? What of emotional support during tough times? My cynicism has one answer. My hope has the other answer.

      Follow your own path, perhaps MGTOW. I respect that. But do know that social skills are mandatory because ours is a social species and that cannot be changed.

      Those women made their choices and you cannot change the past. All you can do is deal with the present and work on YOUR better future. A woman might love, respect, and appreciate what you are doing. If not, it’s their loss and you might end up with a fine dog. Good dog, Lucy, good dog.

    • This has really become my opinion as well. Women own the sexual marketplace while in their twenties. As a man in my forties, I no longer need concern myself with women my own age. They’re nearly-all damaged goods. The women in their twenties are hotter, sexier, and more anxious to get in bed quickly. Women in their forties are not.

      They had their chance. In all seriousness, why would I settle for someone like that? These women were too shortsighted to recognize that they had maybe 15 years total of hotness, and that after that they’d be nothing but unwanted old women.

      The only exception is that woman who has made a vigorous effort to make herself a better, more desirable person TO MEN (Doubling-down on feminist misandry is NOT desirable to men). I’ve met them; they’re out there. They’re not as hot as they once were, but they’re damned pleasant to be around. They’re also not complaining on dating sites about how there aren’t any good men around. These are the women that know that there were LOTS of good men around, and they wasted their lives not marrying any one of them. They’ve been humbled by their own mortality.

      tl;dr

      Whiners are not worth my time.

    • Doubter on said:

      The answer, unless you honestly have no interest in sex, is to deal with women on your terms. You don’t have to play the games they told us we did. Older, confident men have it made. If you present yourself as about sex or FWB by disqualifying yourself, women pick up on that and react accordingly. If you are alpha enough to set the tone in a relationship that YOU want, and enforce that, women will respond to that as well.

      I personally cannot imagine having women around to tease, smell their perfume, admire their bodies and recreate with. Understanding our true natures makes this possible.

  3. Sometimes there really are differences. The sphere deals in generalities. If in doubt, actions over words.

    Also, playing up differences is a necessary strategy for women. The men in the sphere can mock special snowflakeness, but it would be akin to women mocking men for trying not to be invisible. It;s the flip side of the same coin. Men fight invisibility, and women fight being “the same”.

    • That’s the quite the good observation. But women looking for commitment have a harder time of it and are way too stubborn to understand the process. This is why dating coaches exist. I simple tell men to dress one level up. Dating coaches have to de-program two generations of cultural bullshit. And then… hypergamy… dum, dum, DUM!

      Oh, that pesky biology.

      • I imagine the dating coaches are cleaning up, lol.
        Though, to be fair, there’s a lot of conflicting information aimed at women. Their dollars drive the industry, and they’re not as tough skinned as men when it comes to criticism. I imagine that can colour the information delivered to them sometimes.

      • cheesetrader on said:

        @JV – there may be conflicting info for women – but they’re not paying heed – especially to results driven information – which is free.

        It’s really not that hard for women – be nice, be feminine, have longer hair, lose some weight.

        But then if they did that, they could feeeeeeeel the victim and they’d have to hand in their victims’ card.

        This is why I date feminine 20somethings instead.

  4. Probably better to stick with the 20 somethings. Bad advice is one thing, but there’s also the cultural conditioning that makes femininity (physicaly and behaviouraly) distrusted. Gen x women were punished for showing femininity or even too much niceness in their formative years. (Heck, even talking with too high of a voice could get you mocked Most gained femininity later on. Some will never trust that it’s valued let alone something that they wouldn’t be exploited or punished for. They hear the words, but don’t trust beleive them

    • cheesetrader on said:

      @JV – really sorry to hear that. I’m guessing most of those doing the attacking are women….Feminine women rock

  5. @ The Private Man

    Sorry about that big picture; I didn’t know the link would import all of that.

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