The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the day “February 26, 2015”

Fuck, Marry, Kill (FMK) – The Game

This is a new parlor game and it’s not uncommon. As a parlor game, it serves to increase sociability amongst friends. The definition here sums it up nicely. I have never heard of straight guys playing this game but I’m sure it happens. The game illustrates quite nicely how the sexual market place (SMP) works and a person’s sexual market value (SMV). It’s a great insight into both how the feminine and masculine mentality works regarding the SMP and SMV. I am solely focusing on how women perceive and act regarding men in this context.

Here’s a video that shows a couple of chippies actually playing the game. The girls in the video is highly annoying so click on it knowing that tequila will be required afterward. Why is that young women are so annoying? Yeah, I’m old. Get off my lawn.

Here’s how it applies to how attraction works between men and women. The game is straightforward. Three names of the same sex are offered up. The person responding must assign a category of Fuck, Marry, or Kill. The Fuck category is fairly clear. It’s all about the sex. The Marry category gets a bit more opaque because a woman’s relationship goals are not fixed. A woman at 30 years old is looking at a man for more than just weekend of squishy passion. She’s thinking about father material. However, a woman at 45 and who has raised her kids may be looking back at the passionate weekend and consider the Fuck category more carefully. Hence, the “cougar” phenomenon. But a woman in her 50s might be considering the issues of financial and health security so is more concerned with the Marriage category.

As for the Kill category, these are the guys who have no chance at the other categories and so women would rather see them dead. Or, working invisibly to keep our culture running so that physical discomfort is avoided. Those would be your landscapers, sewer workers, miners, etc. These are also the guys with emotional of physical disabilities that render them totally unwanted by women. Short guys have this problem in spades. It works both ways. There are women in this category, as well. Seriously overweight women deal with this. But those women can lose weight. Short guys can’t grow.

In the graphic below (with fun captions!), I’ve summarized the FMK game and how it relates to the SMP. Note that are only 10% of men in the Fuck category. These are the green light guys. With looks, confidence, and charisma, they can plough (hehe) ahead with sexual conquests. The biggest category is in yellow, the Marry category at 70%. These are most guys. They tend to be safe, not particularly charismatic or affluent. They have child support to deal with, an insecure job to sweat over, and all the other stresses to deal with regarding ordinary life.

FMKGiven that attraction and dating is so challenging for so many after a certain age. There are things that both sexes can do to make it all a bit easier (this is aimed at the middle age crowd, you youngsters can go drink a Red Bull or something):

For men: Confidence, competence, charisma, and leadership. I know it sounds facile to just put this out there but these skills can be learned. To be put in the (Fuck) green category requires some seriously self-improvement. Physical and sartorial self-improvement is relatively straightforward. It’s the confidence and charisma that requires the most work. The purpose of such improvement is to move as close to the green category as possible. Bonus, this will also with life in general, including career. For the guys struggling with social skills, there’s a website for that.

For women: It’s much more easy. If a woman wants a man in the Fuck category, she has to be physically attractive… that’s it. That means appearing feminine and not being bossy and domineering. Flirty and pleasant women who are willing to dress the part can aspire to the green category. But there is one huge problem, the green category guys have options. They date younger women. Why? Because they can! No amount of shame or social expectation will change that. These are guys who do what they want with whom they want. The solution to that is to look more seriously at the guys in the yellow category. Here’s an excellent exercise for that. That requires effort and stepping out of one’s comfort zone.

I picked the colors for the graphic based on a traffic light. Green for go, yellow for caution, red for stop. I acknowledge that this is a very simply metaphor. I also acknowledge that when it comes to attraction and dating, humans can be very simplistic.

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