The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the day “February 4, 2015”

The Basics – Agree And Amplify

One of the biggest challenges facing post-divorce men is conversational ability. This is the result of social stagnation due to marriage and the general unwillingness of the men to go out into the world and be social. I’ve written about it so much that I won’t even both linking to previous posts.

While going back and forth on a motorcycle forum, I was reminded of the effectiveness of agree and amplify concept. It also reminded of an conversation I had with a rather toughened dame at my local pub who was not real friendly with me. Actually, she hated my guts. You can’t win them all. Every now and again, she wanted to rip me a new asshole. I was always prepared because of the agree and amplify concept.

Her (from across the bar and yelling): You don’t feed your dog enough! [any excuse to insult me]… you’re a scumbag!

Me: You’re right! [Agree] I come from a family of scumbags! But my great grandfather was a total douchebag! [Amplify]

]At that point, the entire bar erupted into laughter and the leather-faced lady immediately shut up and scowled. I smirked obsequiously. My ugly dog – allowed into that place – didn’t react. Damned dog.

The concept stands. Being defensive is a terrible way to response to an insult, even a teasing one, not matter what delivered from either sex. This applies to so much in life. Confidence is a way to accept yourself, regardless of character flaws. This is the essence of agree and amplify.

The trick is in the delivery. To be successful with agree and amplify, it must be delivered with a smirk and a strong sense of self-worth. But the problem is that too many men react horribly to even the most mild criticism from women. They get too defensive, they take it too personally. The person delivering that criticism is human, just the like man. This is not a deity imparting divine wisdom. This is a pissed-off (or shit-testing) dame making the delivery. Don’t take it too seriously.

I’ve been using agree and amplify for about five years. It’s completely re-shaped how I deal with dames. It’s also helped with situations with men. But, the concept remains regardless of who I’m dealing with.

I was recently perusing the ADVRider.com forum where an online buddy was talking about having a stupid phone. At first, I needled him about not having smart phone. But I quickly realized that he could use the agree and amplify concept to his advantage regarding his adoption of ancient technology:

If you’re going to stand by your flip-phone, own it!

There is a PUA concept called “agree and amplify”. It’s astoundingly effective.

Here are some examples of how your flip phone can work for you:

Her: “You have a flip phone?! Grow up!” (or words to that effect)

You: “Damned right, and my phone at home is a rotary one.”

You: ” You should see my TV, it’s black and white!”

You: “Do you know morse code? We can do this thing called texting”

But these lines must be delivered with supreme confidence and a smirking attitude like you’re treating the girl like a bratty little sister.

The problem with having a dumb phone is not necessarily the image, it’s the functions of the smart phone regarding communications.

With confidence, you can own most every tech decision you made. If you dismiss the dames because of their response to your tech decision(s), you’re not playing it right.

Agree and amplify might seem simplistic, but it takes some serious confidence for a man to delivery it effectively. It’s the smirk and devil -may-care attitude to make it really work. That’s a variation of outcome independence. To my readers, I highly recommend it. Early failures might be the result. No matter, with enough practice, the result will be increased confidence and charisma.

The Frustration Of Men – From Another Source

I’ve recently returned to a very popular motorcycle forum for riders and owners of “adventure” motorcycles. The demographic of that forum is mostly male and over 35. There are fathers, bachelors, grandfathers, and more. It’s a very well established forum with just about 250,000 users. The off-topic areas are a rich source for the words of guys going through any number of personal issues. The guys don’t hold back and it’s refreshing. Other than being motorcyclists, these guys are just typical guys going through and sometimes finding it difficult. They are good guys and I’ve personally met quite a few over the years. The rallies are awesome.

When I returned to the forum after a few years absence, I started going back over many of the older posts and conversation threads about dating and relationships. I was quite pleased to see some active members who comment quite frequently about Red Pill topics, including PUA, MGTOW, and MRA. I also discovered that several members had been reading my blog – and other Manosphere blogs – for years. They even knew about Rollo.

One of the threads there is “Geezer and The Red Pill”.  Yup, that Red Pill. My readers can lurk over there here. It’s a huge discussion thread so there is a lot to read. Unless you’re into adventure motorcycles, I don’t feel that anyone should actually join that forum, just read what is being said. For the record, I am “Uncle Larry” over there.

There’s frustration and positivity in that thread. One particular commenter, Project84 voiced his frustration about dating and online dating in particular. I responded with the following words in boldface his words in italics. (Note – The original thread post is here).

[Update – Apparently non-members can’t view the ADVRider thread. But the OPs words and my response is below]

I think a big part of unhappy single men are tired of it. I know at one point or another it becomes tiring to put in so much effort and find such little reward. Even the online dating tips directed at men specifically read “send out 20 messages, lucky if you get 3 replies, of those 3 maybe 1 turns into a date.” Have you ever heard that advice given to a woman? Why not?

The frustrations men feel regarding online dating are large and real. This is why the technology of online dating has changed into the completely instant gratification of Tinder. This is always why singles Meetup.com groups and similar live singles events have become popular. I now recommend that guys only spend 25% of their “find a date” efforts using online dating. Of course, a city is far easier for such live events.

Don’t give me that, “Men want pussy, women have pussy” stuff. Women want sex just as much as men.

Women do want sex as much as guys. But only with men who sexually excite them. That’s the small percentage of charming, charismatic, confident men. And all those characteristics can be learned to some degree, by the way. Caveat for South Florida – having a house on the water and a big boat often cancel out the charming, charismatic, and confident qualities in men.

This entitlement shit has gone too far. Women know they hold the options and express that fact by absorbing attention and effort while offering very little of it themselves.

But post-divorce single women are feeling the frustration of dating just as acutely but differently qualitatively. That demographic simply can get the high-value men to commit (why should they?) and so must face the reality of actually finding men to date who were previously invisible. As well, they have to understand that they must also bring something to the dating and relationship table other than just their genitals.

To that end, an entirely new “counseling” business has developed – the dating coach. These are professionals who help post-divorce women with their relationship goals. It’s a huge business because there is so much frustration. Women are indeed advised to send out their own online dating messages and be more active with responding to incoming messages.

Online dating has destroyed my discovery of outcome independence. I feel it has been helpful to get a few dates, but under the surface I’m analyzing things and not liking what I find.

Again, seriously cut back on your online dating efforts. Find live events (if your area has enough) to attend. Being out amongst other singles in real life will also give you the opportunity to work on your charm, charisma, and confidence.

The frustration of men is rarely discussed in the mainstream media. Men are turning to the Internet where they can find excellent information and advice dispensed by their peers. They may not even read actual Manosphere blogs, forums, and websites but the information gets out in any forum where men congregate online to pursue a generally masculine enthusiasm. For my readers with such enthusiasms, I urge you find relevant forums and check out the off topic areas. I’ll be you’ll find a large number of frustrated men looking for good advice.

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